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VOL. XXXII. CAMDEN, S. C., THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 1873. NO. 24 THE CAMDEN JOURNAL. _ AX INDEPENDENT FAMILY PAPER PUBLISHED BY JOHN KERSHAW. ? ? ?~?T?T,vmTA\r -i* A rrro SUJiSUifiri'llUl nAiM On* year, in advance S2 50 Six months 1 ,r>0 Three months 75 Transient Advertisements must be paid in advance. A THRILLING STORY. The Ice Gorge in PennsylvaniaA correspondent of tlie Baltimore American describes some of the scenes on the Susquehanna and its tributaries during the recent freshet. We copy a portion of his letter : Arriving at the mouth of the Conestoga we surveyed the ufisolate scene, which socuied more fit to be in the polar regions than in the fertilo Pennsylvania valleys. The abutments of the railroad bridge were each A HUGE HAMMOCK OF ICE ; large cakes were piled upon the tops. On one was a large irregular parallelogram of ice, weighing several tons, which was cu riously poised upon one ahglc. reminding tho spectator of the famous rocking stones We scrambled back, and having, by inquiry, satisfied myself that the feat was possible, accouipa'nied by a guide, I essayed to cross the gorge in the Conestoga. Providing mySelf with a long pole, I scrambled over the huge cakes of ice, which twisted and turned in ever}* conceivable di-11 reetion, presenting an inconceivably rough and irregular surface. There was a great i depression toward the middle, which was al- ] most level. There was another arduous as- i cent on the other side, and scrambling along i the bank I climbed up a steep bluff, which i jutted out into a point between the Susque- i hanna and the Conestoga. The snow upon j the sides afforded some some foothold, hut I i momentarily expected my treading to~ slip ] from under me, precpitating nie far down in ,j the ice gorge. My pains were rewarded ( when 1 attained the summit of the hill, for I had there a comprehensive view of the situa- i tion, which enabled me to apprehend in j some degree the vastness of the gorge It 1 was a scene of frigid desolation su^h as never was before seen no the Susquehnna river, j Below mo, upon the east, was Safe Harbor. ' On cither side of the Conestoga, the snow | had laid its white mantle over the jagged < edges of ice, and had destroyed its terrible i aspect. There was some sublimity in the t view, although my miud continually revert- \ ed to those individual cases of distress which, \ chaining the fancy down to the hard facts of the case prevented that concrete apprehen- I 9ion which, impressing one with the vast- I cess and magnitude of the scene,.produces a v feeling of awe. The snow-covered hills, the ; i ice er.tendine up the creek as far as eye can I reach, lav glistening under the glorious sun- j light, making a j t BEAUTIFUL SCENE. 1 c It was on the west side of the creek that 1 ? the greatest damage had been done; stables, t fences, outbuildings, were jammed and crush- f cd together; houses stood surrounded by * ice, so that their inhabitants, cutting away j i ieo from nbnnt. the doors. Stood below the ! f level as if down in a cellar. ' t The water had piled the icc in lusty ridges j ^ on both sides of the creek, and retreating, ' j had made a deep hollow Between. A road ] ran along either side of the creek, but was t now buried under thirty feet of ice. The ; ( front porches of houses were filled with ice, | 1 large cakes being even jammed Into the ^ t windows. There was a considerable quantity t of lumber mixed in through the ice, some ' t rafts having been brought up into the creek, t as it was supposed that it would be a safe | place for them. Through this snow valley 1 the wind rushed and whistled over the hill- i i tops. It was bitter cold, as the suii acting , upon the snow lowered the temperature. On j i the west side of the hill was the Susquehan- i na and the islands in it. Kits' Island, iuime diately opposite, is a body of land one hund- I red and twenty-seven acres in extent, and is : farmed by John Ells, whence its local appli- ? cafion. The farin-house is in the centre, , upon the highest part of the island. This , island, unless otherwise informed. I would t < have taken for a p3rt of the gorge, for it was ENTIRELY COVERED HY THE ICE, the roof of the house and the tops of the few trees being the only things discernable. lie- | low it was Brush Island, the outlines of . which I could not trace; it was covered by j i the ice and made part of the gorge. Still further below was Mundorf's Island, upon ' which Jacob Warfel resided. The house j was upon high ground and escaped T could see a desirable trnct of land covered by large trees, which were above th ? ice The river i had cut a channel through the gorge, above 1 which the ice rose from fifteen to thirty feet high, sheer and straight as walls. The gorge 1 extended as far up the river as my eyes could reach. At Turkey Point, a few miles above, the waters were dammed up. Hooding the lit- ' tlo town of Washington. The water rose | twenty-five or thirty feet, and flooded the cabins built along the line of the Columbia ; and Port Deposit railroad for the aceouiuio datim of the workmen, utany of whom had i to take boats and enter the upstairs windows in order to savo their effects. The losses in Safe Harbor were heavy ; the damage done ' on the west side of the C'onestoga alone is estimated at over 810,000, and u great deal of damage Was done on the cast side also.? ' The loss is greater than in 1865. when the dam across the Susquehanna at this point was swept away and the Safe Harbor iron works suspended operations in consequence. Descending from the hill, I made some inquiry about to sec if 1 could see any of the familv of John Kils and rret the particulars of their escape. After some search I succeeded in obtaining a recital of their trials, and the plain, unvarnished tale vividly impressed me with the ISRKAT nr.ROISM DISPLAYED. As the waters began to rise the in mates i.f the house became very much alarmed, and great anxiety for their safety was felt <>n the main land. On Sunday morning Alonza Jlerline. a young man who was living with , the family, made a perilous excursion over j the gorge, whi?.h had not then risen, and I cninc to Safe Harbor to solicit aid, in order ' to remove the family. As the waters began to rise, uoonc dared to go, but Frank Dablcr, j Theodore Klls, a son of John Klls. together i with llcrlino. waited upon the hill, watching their opportunity to help tlieui. The family upon the island consisted of John Ells, his wife, two daughters and u son six years of age. As the waters began to rise the women wcro wild with terror, and the anxious watchers could hear theui wailing and crying out. At 2 o'clock the great rush cauie, when the island was totally submerged-. Two horses and eight head of cattle, which wore in the stable, were at once drowned, as well as a number of hogs. Two heifers swam through the ice and water and got upon a finl- nf atrotp fndfter- Th? risi-iif ice carried the rick fifteen or twenty yards up to the house, and they escaped to the porch of the house. The island was qgted for the great number of rabbits which ran wild upon it. These and a large nuvib?r of muskrats crowded into the house as the water rose, perfectly insensible to the presence of man, so frightened were they by the frigid torrents that rolled around. After the rise Mary Ells, a girl of sixteen, hung a table-cloth out of a window to let people know T4IF.Y WERE LIVING. John Ells now thought the worst was over, and was reluctant to to risk an escape; but Mary said they might as well be drowned in the gorge as in the house, and the importunities of the women prevailed upon him to make the attempt. They started out. jcrambling over tho ics, fearing every moment that it would move again and crush them. The men watching on the hill hur ned toward them and met them; they tound them very much exhausted, and Mr Ellss. had almost to be carried. They crossed the s;orge in thirty-five minutes, scrambling over the jagged edges of the ice as hastily as possible. They were bruised and cut when they got to land, but the daring deed was ?afcly accomplished. Susan Ells, who had been living at Safe Harbor, had been almost frantic with grief, and the whole town was in painful suspense until they were saved, l'heir losses were very severe; two crops of tobacco, whicb had been stored away in the lellar, the stock, damage to buildings, farm mplcments, Ac., will amount to over S5000, he greater portion of which, however. faHs ipon the company who owns the Tsland, of vhich company, however, Ellis is a member. The ice is gorged for miles above; no jody of water can possibly can clear it out >efore April. If freshets come, the backrater will overflow the river banks, spreadng destruction along the line of the stream. An old Roman method of punishing exrcmo criminals by-hurling them down preipices is still in practice, it seeuis, in San darino, a little Italian Republic in the tnounain fastnesses of the Appcnines, which, rem its inaccessible position, has maintained its independence when greater powcis in uorc exposed positions were obliged to yield o the great centralizing influences now at rork in Southern Europe. For nearly fifty rears, no murder had been committed at ?an Marino, until a couple of months since, .'elicita Pallavicini, a beautiful young wonan of twenty-two was convicted of nmrlering her illegitimate child. She was eary left an orphan, and more sinned against ,han sinning, was led astray by a Roman hief and gambler, who, after first implicaing her in a robbery, for which she was sent m rtriosin /lacr?rfr?i1 1 inr rFhn nnltfto QOitf linr V.V.W.VU ..v.. ^w... ..~. uuck to San Marino, and soon hcr?child was born, to die by its mother's hand. When tried for her offence, she seemed wholly iulifferent to what was going on, and even while the judge was pronouncing sentence, until he spoke the words, "Prepare to meet your doom; your last hour has come." Then ?he broke into wiU screams and begged for mercy, but the Judgcsshook their heads and said to the officers, " Take her to the gorge [>f Feri." She fought desperately and abu* scd the priest who sought to administer spiritual consolation, until she was bound hand and foot and carried horror-stricken to the precipice. Then as the priest said the last prayer for mercy, two officers lifted her and dropped her into the abyss. A second after, lie n ?dy struck the rock at the bottom -A' .1 I -11 in uiu pngVy uuu 1111 ?ua uvcr. A Mvch-Marreid Woman.?There is a woman in Washington who has buried five husbands. Recently she married a sixth. I'pon the day of the wedding,a man called at the house oi'the groom, asked for that gentleman, and then proceeded to uieasureMiis,body with a tape lino. The infatuated groom entertained an idea this migth, perhaps, be a man sent around by his tailor. After the ceremony in church, however, the husband was surprised to observe this samo person standing in the vestibule and winking furiously at the bride as the party came out to the carriages. Just as they were starting off the mysterious being put his bead into the carriage window, and whispered to the bride : "(lot a ready-made one that i'll just suit him! Beautiful lit?beautiful!" Whcu the happy mun demanded the name of the intruder, the bride blushed, and said she believed he was some kind of and undertaker. Then the mtm was not so happy, lie was hardly liappy, at all. and a certain gloom seemed to overcast the honeymoon. 1'crhaps the undertaker was too prompt. But still, we like to see a man take an inter CSl 111 IMS IIUSlllCSS. Several years ago a dinner was given in tlie A>tor House, at which the speeches touched upon some of" the important interests of the day. The unsophisticated Horace noticed the banquet editorially, winding up with a sharp allusion?to the convivial character of the party, naming lli idsick and champagne as among the liquors disposed of. When he entered the editorial room tliu next morning several editors were at work who had ii >ticed their chief's amusing blunder. Mr. Charles A. Ihina. then ?*i:?na?rii,?^ editor of the Tribunr, rallied him upon his innocence in making llcidsick and champagne two wines. Looking blandly ujion his coworkers, Mr. (ireeley rclorte >: uI)id I do that'! Well. 1 guess 1 nin the only yiuu in this nflice that could have made that mistake." . * V THE EASTERN QUESTION. . Vienna reports'of a very recent date express tlie opinion which prevails in the Austrian capital with regard to the Russian march in Central Asia, and its consequences, in the following words: w a Russia is pursuing her grand aim in Asia at once in a-diplomatic, military, ecclesiastical. commercial :vnd civilizing point of view. A Russian proverb says: "Where date trees thrive not neither thrives Mahomedanism." There may be some truth in this adage. Re this as it may, Russia's advances towards Asia and towards India excites the liveliest interest in Viennese military and scientific circles. An unintcrmmittcnt urnJ earnest stufly is being made of the subject. It is here held that Russia is at present advancing toward Central Asia and India with the same unilinching perseverance and consistency with which, during a twenty years' war. she not only subjugated but absolutely annihilated or dispersed the independent peoples of the Caucasus, whose assimilation was found to be impracticable. Russia'sjnsatiable love of conquest, her far sightedness and perseverance, are doubtless of a nature to inspire alarm, while on the other hand these characteristics arc not the less entitled to a certain degree of admiration. In the same way that the miners colore a country in the hope of discovering veins cf ore, the Russians scientifically examine and explore those countries which they intend to occupy, and long before the occupation takes place these examinations and explorations arc set on foot and continued without ceasing. The country round about, and especially in the southern part of the Caspiau sea, and between the latter and the sea of Aral, has not only been carefully surveyed, but also leveled. The river valley along the lower Sir-Daria (Jaxartes) is already entirely under Russian dominion, and as the coai veins which are supposed to bo there are discovered, steamboat communication with Khiva will forthwith be established and also on the sea of Aral. It is well known that steamers can ascend far tip the Amu-Dana, (Oxur.) One thing is apparently certain, namely, that no known power can stop the progress of Russia's dominion and her gradual but steady advance in Asia as fur as the rivers extend which flow into her inland seas These streams touch very nearly to the llindu-koosh mountains, and here there are neither geographical or natural boundaries adapted to the formation of independent j States There is no possibility ot establishing any sort of commodious intercourse be- ' twecn these vast plains and India, while with tiie aid of the new lines of Communication which arc now completed, these immense , territories will naturally fall into the hands j of Russia. Tho seuii-noinadic Mohainmc- \ dan inland States in three distinct parts owed their existence chiefly to the simple fact i that no one interfered with or menaced them. But nowadays in the estimation of these peoples the Russians arc being regarded as representatives not only of an im-j mcusely superior military, but also of a civilizing power. To this circumstance may be attributed a great portion of the irrcsisti-1 bility of her presage among them. Vaccination.?The following brief ex-! tract is from an article in tho last Boston ? ? " ? ? " i ' ? il.~ I iuemc(u ana nurgiccu .journal upon uic subject of vaccination. The Journal is very 1 high medical authority in this country, and j we add that the recent prevalence of a ma- \ lignant type of small-pox in Boston is exci-1 ting an unwontod degree of professional attention to the subject: The followiug propositions are offered as : matters of belief, and some of them matters ' of record: 1. Without vaccination, one death in ten from all causes would be the result of small pox. 2. Without vaccination, nineteen out of twenty would have small pox. 3. Without vaccination, sixty seven per ; cent'of the cases of small pox would be fa- [ tul. 4. With vaccination, not two per ecut of the inhabitants will take the small pox. 5. With vaccination, the percentage of deaths from small pox is only about eight of the two per cent, who will take it. G. A larger percentage of those who have had small pox will have the secondary disease than those who have been vaccinated. That is to say. vaccinia is a better prevention in varioloid than small pox is 7. Humanized virus is more likely to take than the original virus from the cow. 8. Humanized virus, whether it takes or not, does not produce such violent constat u-, > tional symptoms as primary cow virus does, j D. It is not proved that either humanized virus or primary cow virus is the better in its protective results. 1". There are certain individuals who do ! not seem susceptible of variola. 11. There aio certain individuals who do | not seem susceptible of vaccination. | 1-. The taking of small pox after vaeci( notion is no proof that a second vacciuath n ' ; would have succeeded. Id A successful ro vaccination is no proofi that 1 ho individual re-vaccinatcd would have . taken small-pox. 1 f OW M EX K'(I M A X ,\i i F.S 1T.?Si illlC Was hinpton gossip about the rival railway schemes in Mexico, herewith printed, is flavored with .genuine Americanism. It is gravely asserted that the representatives of one of the contesting companies lost $.'{(10,000 while playing "poker with a party of t'ongres^tiien. and that they immediately after got their scheme through (' ingress. The inference is | that the loss at cards was a trick to cover the transfer of a bribe, and that the game wasn't on the square." Investigating (.'out' iniuoo are not in vogue in Mexico. Sarcasm as an Accomplishment. Sarcassi lias it uses. Sp have 'pistols, bowie-knives, and policemen's clubs. The traveler on Montana highyways likes to have an assortment of fire-arms and cutlery. So there are occasions Vhcn sarcasm is an excellent weapon. V>'c all have seen an obstreperous, pompous, overbearing man who needed to have his head amputated?figuratively speaking. And wc have seen the person, some gentle-voiced manor woman doubtless, who knew how to do it. Quick, kneen, and glittering was the Wade of wit by which tlio imnnrtinent fellow was beheaded : and you could only laugh and applaud when it was done. It was needed to be done for the protection of society from an outlaw. When sarcasm serves police purposes it is admirable, and there are some people who arc at once benevolent and sarcastic, who are too noble to use this dangerous weapon irpon people that do not deserve it, but who take an exquisite pleasure in finishing the fellow that overbearingly treads on everyone about him. We know one or two ladies in particular whose biting sarcasm is an inestimable blessing, a shelter to the weak, and a certain destruction to the oppressor. But the sarcastic people who use their gift for the good of their kind are precious tew. Generally speaking, the most intolerable man or woman in company is the man or woman who thinks it is the most delightful thing in the world to hurt other people with the poisoned arrowsof ill-natured speech. XTM. -i />nll oonnnocoti/ n 1C ilrtfltll t? IlUt SUVll Utupit" Villi V'MI ? VI.7UHV1I W umikii to their victims. Tndccd, the pleasures of a sarcastic person are iudentical with the re fined joy of a party of urchins pelting a pond of frogs to death The frogs cannot help Themselves, and it is such fun to kill them ! For, if you will take notice, the man of biting speech, never "takes a feller of his size," as the boys have it. People whose words are of the aqua fort is sort generaiiy Iiavc no scruples in selecting victims easily handled. But the dog who c. n whip the town is immediately well-bchived when a bigger and more active dog cojkjs into his beat. And it is always.dclightful to see a pretty tyrant who has reigned by the terror of what his associates (or hers) have felt of the severity of speech always at command? it is always delightful to see such an one come up" with. Let another person of superior gifts in the direction of saying mean things in a witty way. ?mc into the circle of the one whose sceptre is a sharp tongue. How uiild the sarcastic one becomes! Mild to his superior, while he wreaks his vengencc on those who ?re weak?rather who arc not his couals in verbal bullying. For a scrt of barbarous verbal bullying it i:;. ToinHtfrvrks and bowic-knieves are not carried now-a-dyys, but the savage spirit is by no means extinct, and people arc tomahawked and bowie-kniyed in nearly every company. And there arc boastful social savages, who tell over the bitter things 'they have said, who show the scalps hanging at their belts in the spirit of the true Apaches. When Mr. John Randolph." of Roanoke, stood on the floor of the House, the terror of all weaker tncn.it was the spirit of his Indian great-grandmother, I'ocohontus, that gave edge to his word. When a feeble gentleman remarked dcprecatingly, "Mr. Randolph. I passed your house to day," and Randolph squeaked back at him. "I hope you alw^js will, sir !" the sarcastic man felt the same - . . I 1 I? sort or savage joy mat. oi-i ruwuaunu nuuiu have had in braining his captive, John Smith. But there is many a savage making deadly and incessant war on the complacency of his fellows who has not excuse of an Indian parentage. Thetc are worse men and meaner women than these Apaches of the drawing room. There are the savages of the household ; men who arc shock* d at reading an account of wife-beating in England, but who are guilty of a sort of incessant pretty torment of wife and children, which must be vastly worse than an acca.-ional beating with a stout tick. And then they excuse themselves on the ground that it is all done for fun ; it is only play. As if anything could be more selfish and dcvlish than the getting of one's amusement at the expense ol'anoth" * 1 lV * ' "?"1 oltnt*. er's peace01 UIIIM. mvear mr>\c uuu ish :i woman, and then let it beyour most exquisite pleasure to torture her with an incessant lire of uican witticisms ami small ridicule. "But she shouldn't bo so sensitive." A wife beater might suggest that she needn't make such a fuss?she shouldn't be so sensitive. It is the sensitiveness of the victim that makes sarcasm amusing. Husbands are not the onlyo.ies who destroy the peace by irritating sarcasm. It is especially the offensive weapon of some smart women?who never seem to know In w they manatre to overthrow their own domestic happiness by what they call playfulness. The young man. who, early in married life begins to say teasintr things just for fun, is not only s elfish and cruel, but is like one setting fire to his house for amusement. It is very expensive play And many a man, and many a woman too, has waked up in after years to the consciousness of having trifled away the great happiness of life. There is no such prodigality as that which wastes the domestic peace of a lifetime for the sake of a little ungenerous amusement at the expense of the wounded self-love of a husband or wife. And what shall we say of the parent who finds liis pleasure in annoying his children with cutting remarks? How many children are by this means alienated for life from tluir homes! Mow many sensitive ones are dishcarled ! \dvancing civilzation, which has abolished the rack and thumb screw, which has put away the pistol and howie knifes, will some day abolish the finer savagery of sarcasm. And let us hope that in jtiic good-breeding of that latter day, wit will he no cover for meanness, smartness no excuse for malignity; that the man who airs his smartness by saying an unkind thing will he socially abolished. unless he can show that lie spoke in self-defense or in a moment of "temporary insanity." J BISMARCK'S RESIGNATION. Correspondence of the New York World. London, December 28. I have advices from Berlin from a source in which I have great confidence to the effect that the resignation of Prince Bismarck moans nothing loss than that the great chancellor has received a heavy check and defeat. I am assured that the report t.hnf frhic dnfrtnf nnil /lno tfi thf? Jlh sence, through illness, of the crown prince is entirely false. This report makes out that the crown prince is the especial friend ajid supporter of the chancellor; but I am told so far from this being the case, the truth is that his imperial highness agrees with his mother, his wife and the other members of the family, in viewing with alarm tho conflict with the catholic church which Bismarck has urged on, and in desiring to "weau the emperor from his submission to Bismarck's will. In this they have now succeeded, says my informant, and it is probable that the fight with the church will now be quietly abandoned. Bismarck attempted to make the Prussian cabinet entirely subservient to himself?but this did not suit the other ministers nor the king either; and when Bismarck, suddenly recoyering from his preten ded illness when he saw his scheme for swamping the house of peers defeated, has. tened to Berlin and tried to make the emperor see through his spectactes, he foond himanlP faa lofo TVia /?Anrf tii tho DWI* *<W 1HVV>? A UV VUUl Vj VUV V<il|Jl VUUj vuv crown ^princess, the king's old friends, the other ministers, and the king's own judgment wore all against him. They all saw his policy would alienate from the throne the nobility, the gentry, the clergy Lutheran as well as Catholic, and all the conservative interests in the kingdom; and the old emperor put down his foot and said he would go no further in the path that Bismarck had marked out for him. The chancellor then offered to resign. " lie did not believe that the emperor would accept it," says my informant; he believed that the emperor would become alarmed, and "beg hiin to retain his 1 office at any price. But the old man went out the room for a few minutes and consulted with Augusta, who was in an adjoining chamber, and when he came back his mind was quite made up. Bismarck might go? ! his health was not strong enough to bear the double burden of the empire and the kingdom; he had better be relieved from the work of taki ng care of Prussia, and give himself reat for a while." You will see how ; important and significant is this view of the j case. Debts of the Southern States.?The following are the debts of the Southern States as the minority Ku Klux report makes them out. The contingent indebtedness is added to the present indebtedness: Alabama?Thirty.eight and one-third millions?an increase of thirty-two millions ' cincc the war. Arkansas?Ninteen and three-quarter millions?an increase of fifteen miliions. Florida?Fifteen and three-quarter millions?wholly incurjod since the war. Georgia?Forty-four millions?an increase i #iT fnrltf.Ann millions Louisiana?Forty-one millions?an increase of thirty-one millions. North Carolina?Thirty-five millions?an increase of twenty-four millions'. South Carolina?Twenty-nine millions? 1 an increase of twenty-five millions. Mississippi?one and three-quarter mil lions?wholly increase. Tennessee?Forty-five and a half mil-1 lions?an increase of fourteen millions. ' I Virginia?Forty-five millions?an increase ! of fourteen millions. Tobacco and Liquor?Our country. ' men spend more money for the luxuries than for the necessaries of life. It is no wonder that many people are poor when their hard earnings are wasted on indulgcncics which j . do harm instead of good. Bread is the great; staple of food, and 8200.000,000 were spent j last year for flour to feed our people. But the tobacco sold in the country) for chewing , and smoking and snuff cost 8-1)0,000.000; | I about seven dollars for every man, woman ! and child. This is bad enough, but the cost of intoxicating liquors consumed in 1870, was $600.000,000, averaging nearly twenty dollars to cvciy man. woman and child. A very largo amount of this is used in poor families, and I reduces them to want and wretchedness. If the young people of the land would re' fuse to touch liquor or tobacoo, this fearful extravagance would soon cense and the wealth of the country increase with marvelI lous rapidity.? Far hit's and Mechanic*' j Journal. The Way the Knm.isii Dance.?A writer iu a London journal girds at the j solemn, funeral way in which Englishmen ! dance. In liis eyes the majority look as if a j dress-coat were the tunic of Nesaus, and treasure up their words as if precious stones issued lroui their mouths when they speak. Moreover, they evince a remarkable dispositions to put themselves in their own pockets, and they fidget with their hands without ceasing. Something of this might be saved by the taking up stairs the fiat hat under the arm in the French fashion ; but this they will not do. They enter a quadrille with a whalebone stiffness, a lugubrious air with which they might go to the stake, and the rarali')- suit they execute in a way that would send even an undertaker to an early grave with laughter. And when they do talk they raiely get beyond the unhappy weather. It'these be the manners of the ball, what, oh what is the English funeral like? A St. 1<ouis gentleman, took a room at a t'hieago boarding house recently, and was aroused early the following morning by the chambermaid, who remarked that, as it was near time to set the breakfast table, she would have to trouble him for the top sheet. ADVERTISING RATES Space. 1 M. 2 M. 311. [6 M. 1 Y. ! ! 1 square I 8 00! 6 OOi 8 00j 12 OOj 10 2 squares j 6 00' 9 00| 12 00| 18 00) 26 00 8 squares 9 00 13 00; 16 00 24 00 36 00 4 squares ; 12 0O 16 00 20 00 30 Of) 43 0? j column 15 00, 19 00! 24 00*34 00 60 * column 20 00 80 00 40 00 55 OOj 80JJOO *i column 30 00! 50 OOj CO 00, 90 00 i50 <*> All Transient Advertisements will be chargfl One.Dom.au per Square for the first andSEVxed t*-five Cents per Square for each subsequent insertion Single insertion, $1 50 per square. OUR CHIP-BASKET. to*--- : -- i.1 1 f OTKM. vv lieu is a ucuspapui vuc suaijsvot/ . vv uvu it's filed. In the country they blow a horn before dinner?in town they take one. One New York teacher puts her pupils through a fire-escape drills. Alexis is flirting with the slant-eyed Japanese girls. Tut, tut, Aleck. .- ' * Why is a sick cab-horse like a bad play ? Because it won't run and can't ilraic. Why. do honest ducks dip th'eir heads on- * der the water ? To liquidate their little bills. A Leavenworth editor sat down in a reserved seat already occupied by a hornet. He stands up when scizzoring his editorials now. Luther Lamb, of Winslow, Me.; lately * ? ? .? 1 _ xL!_J celebrated bis golden wedding wun nu? miru wife. He has raised a flock of fifteen Lambs. Boston belles are easily known by the heavy boots tliey wear, and their fondness for onions and corn on the cob. Prof. Agassiz says that "trilobites are not any more closely related to phyllopodes than to any other entomostraco or to the isopod." A worthy old farmer, who was being worried in his cross-examination by a lawyer in Maine, exclaimed : ''Look here, squire, don't you ask a goo.d many foolish questions?" A noble Chicagoan's first thought when his house took fire last week, was for his mother-in-law, whom he saved from the pdyl of a burning staircase by throwing her out of the third story window. A gentleman lately entered a shop in which books and various miscellaneous articles were for sale, and asked the shop man if ho had Goldsmith's Greece. No, said he, but we have some splendid hair oil. When you have a bone on your plate, and arc obliged to take it up in your fingers, don't neglect to mention, that '-fingers were made before knhvs and forks." The novelty of the remark will strike the company very happily. ? xt! at* oovtt JY bMUllU illUilUU ui VT ncanauu) oun a rabbit run into a hollow logv and took it into his bead to crawl after it. When he had got inside, the log began to roll down hill. On arriving at the bottom he was considerably bruised, aud didn't catch the rabbit after all. "Why, Bridget," said her mistress, who wished to rally the girl, for the amusement of the company, upon the fantastic ornament -cf a large pie, "did you do this? you're quite an artist; how did you do it?" "Indadc, mum, it was myself that did it," replied Bridget. "Isn't it pritty, mum ? I did it with your false teeth, mum." Said a Baptist to a Methodist, "I don't like your church government. It isn't sim-' pie enough. There's too much machinery about it." "It is true," replied the Methodist, "ve have more machinery than you; but then, you sec it doesn't take near so mnch water to run it." When a Maine man has a too talkative wife he tells her he is going to Ansananquatasgowmonogotonago hunting, and in his ab scncc as his friends call at the house and inquire his whereabouts. When he returns the faithful wife is exhausted, doesn't want to speak for a month. ^ London detective put his head into an omnibus one day, just as it was starting off, with the remark, "passensers will do well to? look ont for their pocket books. There are two monitors of the swell mob in this' bus." Thereupon a grave-looking old man with eyeglasses and a gold-headed cane hastily got out. saying, "Tf that's the case I won't go in this 'bus." lie was followed by a clericallooking gentleman with a white choker, who remarked that he "wouldn't ride in such company." And then tho detective closed the door and shouted to driver, "all right; drive on ; they've got out." "The voice of woman gentlemen."said a romantic individual, in a late argument in a beer saloon?"the voice of woman.no matter how much some of 3-011 may sneer at the sentiment, exorcises 11 soothing, an inspiring, a hollowing influence upon the ear of man; comforts him in affliction and?." " Tom, you rascal!" exclaimed his wife, at this moment showing herself at the door, " conic, you loitering scamp, leave these worthless fellows to themselves. Oh! when I get you home, won't you catch it? that}*ou will. The following waifs have been thrown ashore bv the ccntennarian tide: Mrs. Tozer, residing in the town of Athens, Me., is 107 years old; knits stockings without spectacles. John Boyd, colored, l/ouisville, Ky.; llli; chews and smokes; third set of teeth coming; two cords of wood before dinner. Sarah Flanders. 105, Macon. (Ja.; hale and heart)-; engaged to be married to Luke Cozens. 101. of the same place; temperance and anti-tobacco. James Tyler, Chicago, 105, lately whipped his son (leorge Tyler, aged 80, for impudence; lined $5. Mar)- VI alters, Kluiira. N. V.; takes in washing; 110 spectacles; Bible twice a day; smokes a pipe; MTICHV lVUI|lfiOMcv. One of tlio best dressed and most brilliant young men in Chicago. who parts his hair in the middle, essayed to delight a select party of ladies and gentlemen one evening by a fewjthislios of wit. The most notable scintillation of his wit was a conundrum: "Haw?'' said ho, "Aw?when is a lady not a lady?*' Nobody could tell, and the j>rot>ouudor of the conundrum gave the answer. "When she's a little buggy." he said. A dead silence fell on the company and the funny man was the focus of many singular glances, llo soon became conscious that "someone had blundered." So he dived into a vest pocket, brought out a newspaper scrap, eyed it attentively three or four times, and then brightened up. "Haw?yes," he said, "of course?haw?yes, of course?haw?when she's a little sulky. Kuew it was some kind ' of a wagon."