Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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0 THE CAMDEN JOURNAL. AS INDEPENDENT FAMILY PAPER, rUBEISHED BY JOHN KERSHAW. SUBSCRIPTION RATES. One year, in advance ...$2 50 Six months 1 50 Three months.... 75 . Transient Advertisements must be paid for in advance. CAPITAL GRINS. ??'% VOL. XXXL OAMiDEIV, S. Ci, THURSDAY, JUNE 27, 1872. NO. 43 1 ? * ? -r-\: The Fat Contributor is on bis travels, according to the Times and Chronicle, waking up snakes generally and Taking the Votes of the Passengers. I took the steamer General Lytie, of the Line, for Louisville, the other evening, and had a delightfei trip. After tea, I thought I would TAKE A VOTE OF T1IE PASSENGERS. This is the period of taking vccs on board hf railroad trains, steamboats &c., on the Presidential question. The result is frequently published in the newspapers as "A Straw," though I have observed that 110 newspaper ever prints a straw that dues not 'show the political wind t.? be setting in their direction. When I essayed to take a vwte of the passengers on the General Lytic the other night, Lytle did I think of the embarrassments 1 would encounter in securing it. I am not much in politics, though I am probtebly as much in politics as politics is in me. ONE VOTE FOR PIERCE. I began with the captain of the Lytle as a fctarter. "Captain Whitten," said I. "who is your choice for President ?" "Well," replied the bold commander, thoughtfully, "Captain Pierce has been as good a president as the old mail Hue ever had. Recken he'll do for several years yet." He thought I was talking about the Presidency of the Louisville mail line, bat I put 'down one vote for Pierce. TOE MATE GOES FOR ME. 1 next tackled the mate, who was below, superintending some perplexing maneuvers in freight. "Mate," said I cheerily, trying to get out of the way of his men, and getting in their way worse than ever, as a matter ot course, 'Vno are you going for ?" "Who am I going for?" roared the mate angrily, "I'm goiug for you if you don't get <out of this." I got out immediately. I had to do it, or become his mute. favoring iiorace. 1 ascended to the cabin. A scholarly-looking man was reading^by a table. (lie was reading by a lamp, more properly; yet he was by a table too.) i "My friend," I remarked blandly, as I i produced note-book and pencil, "do you faVor Iloracc ?" (He did favor him a little in i his feet.) ' "That is a fair question," said the scholarly-looking man, laying down his book, which I preccived was a latin work of some kind, i "and I will answer it without undue circum- i locution. While many of the odes of Horace ' are unexcelled, either in his own or any other language, yet his verses lack the heroic < ring which a true lyre gives forth when a < Virgil sweeps the strings." I told him that Virgil might sweep the strings, but could lie sweep the South ? i That was the question. "Your language, my friend," said I "sat- j isfies me that you are in reality aGrecly man." "How so ?" invuircd the man of letters. < "You call Virgil a poetic lyre." j T>own went the scholarly man for Horace. : a man of letters. I am a man of letters, as this letter will show. If she shows anything else, why letter.. it may not be generally known by the way, that letters were invented in Phoenicia, but they were. That .is the reason you can't Phoenicia an education without them [See, it ? Finish ye, ch ? How's that ? 11a !] anybody to beat grant. While I was gathering up my straws, two somewhat intoxicated got very much excited in discussing the relative fitness of Grant and Greeley for the Presidency. While one insisted that Grant knew nothing whatever - about farming, the other inquired contemptuously, "What Grcely know'bout war?? ** He never fired (hie) two-horse-lumbcrwag'n!" He seemed to think that settled Horace. "My friends," said I, "let us have peace. Why this strife, this contention, this bitterness of spirit ? And all. as Shakespeare says, for Hecuba. What is Hecuba to you or you to Ileeitba ?" "Oh (hie) you be d?d," said the man of 'gin, "anybody to beat Grant." IIOW THE LADIES GO. My next experiment was among the ladies. I approached a dark-eyed daughter of Kentucky, and in a father and motherly way, which the difference jn our ages warranted, Baid: Daughter, if you could be Grant or Grccly, which would you be." "B. Gratz Brown,' she replied with a proud toss of her bead. There is something I admire in a Kentucky women-?they never go back on a native Kentuckian. "I am for Adams," cried an angular old maid in a shrill voice, "Adams is my man." The ladies ought certainly to favor the Adams movement, since Mother Eve was the original Adam's woman* HE WOULDN'T SUPPORT RELATIONS "I support Grant." put in a brawny IIoos O II 1 Xl. . A. *11 lcr iarmer, -ana me country win support him too." "Well," returned a sinister chap, "the country may support Grant but you can't expect the country to support all of Grant's relations into the bargaiu, can you ? This relation business is played out." I afterwards ascertained that the sinister * chap had recently ran away from a wife and six children in the east.^ lie don't believe in taking care of relations, lie don't. "I am WAITING FOft THE BALTIMORE CONVENTION.'' said a man who I remembered to have seen at fairs, with a fascinating little game called three card monto. I told him that ho needn't wait for the Baltimore convention, he might pick up a little game at the Philadelphia Convention, if he would go there. Lota of folks to "go for" in Philadelphia. Thinking to mollify him,-for ho scowled fearfully, I said. "Come, old high-ball, tell me who I shall put you down for." lie moved angrily away, and I heard him mutter a remark about putting somebody down "for a d?d fool," but I don't think he mentme. SUMMING TIP. When I got through taking the vote it summed up as follows: For Grant seven For Greeley Frequently For Capt. Pearcc The Mail Line For Woman's Rights The Female Line For Louisville TIig General Lytic For-get-mc-not The Fat Contributor The above you perceive shows a clear majority fir the peoples' choice. When I announced the straw the scholarly man remarkoil in !> uilonin tulKV "liehold the child, by nature's kindly law', rioased with a rattle, tickled with a straw." A WOMAN IN OIL. I heard a man complaining because his wife was taken with oil fever. She had a piece of land in West Virginia where 6il had been found, and nothing to do but she must organize a company and go to boring. She' bored him to go for a long time, but he wouldn't, so she went herself. I told the man he would bo justified in sueingfor a divorce. ' On what grounds ?" said the man. "llight there on the oil grounds." "I mean, what plea 'could I offer ?" "That she left your bed and bored." STERN WHEELER. At Louisville I left the mail boat, regret ting exceedingly that T could not take it with me, and embarked on the sternwhecler,. J. E. Rankin, bound for Evansville. I once knew an old man who bet that he would wheel a barrel of flour ten miles, over a mud road, if Ilenry Clay wasn't elected President. I never saw such a stcrmcheeler as that raan was, about the sixth mile. I made some little inquiry at Louisville as to how the steamer ranks, and I was glad to find it raulcm' about as high as any of the stern wheelers. There was water enough to permit our going over the falls which vrcdid in gallant style, with colors flying. LEFT HER ASTERN. Just below the falls wo passed another sternwhecler. "We've left her astern," cried ! the captain exultantly. i I rushed* to the stern of the boat, cxamin- < edit critically, and. returning, asked the ] captain if lie wasn't mistaken about that. j "Mistaken about what ?" he inquired. i "I think you remarked of yonder boat, i flint, vrc had left her a sfcrir, I find on exam- 1 ination, that the stern, like our flag, "is still ] ther.-," consequently you could not have left < her a stcrik. unless you carry an extra stern or two, to leave boats with which you arc o"o friendly tcruis, which is hardly probable. No, captain, I saw you give her a bow as you passed, but you certainly havu't left her any stern." > "Nonsense," said the captain, "I mean we j got ahead of her." "Got a head of her; where is it? "What do you propose to do with it ?" | I'fhe captain regarded mo long and sadly and remarked in great solemnity, and then he remarked "Young man, if it wasn't any better head than you have got, I would throw it overboard." And yet I studied stcamboating under Cons. Miller. BELOW LOUISVILLE. The scenery below Louisville at this season of the year is very charming indeed; the river winding among hills covered with the richest verdure. Always beautiful, the view sometimes approaches sublimity. The boat stopped very often to take on or take off freight or passengers. The gentle villagers came down to the landing to welcome us. It Was really affecting to see how cordially our mate would shake them by the hand and "borry a ohaw of tobuker from 'em. Occasionally we passed a sternwheeler going up, and"exchanged cheers with her. Our deckhands exchanged stools and lumps of coal C" i I with one boat they wcrn't on good terms wilh. CANNELTON. I stopped off at Cannclton, Indiana, sortie seventy-live miles above Evansvillc. Canncltor is noted for possessing souie of the finest minds in the West, but they arc coal mines. The American Canncl Coal Compauy have three-extensive mines here. Adieu. Chronicles of Congress. Our late session closed its career in a manner peculiarly characteristic. All the fist shaking, vociferous yells, and personal :ibuse that should have been spread through two months, at least yet, were condensed into au hour. Speaker Blaine had his little row first with Mr. Eldridge of Wisconsin, and then with Mr. Piatt of Virginia. In both scrimmages the Speaker came out triumphant.? This is not to be wondered at wlicu one remembers Mr. Blaine's skullful of practical brain, readiness and that gavel. Speaker Blaine can be divided into three parts: brain, quickness and ?&vcl. Woe betide the infatuated member who tries conclusions with any one of the three parts of Mr. Speaker Blaine. He will bo astounded at the first, confounded at the second, and dumbfound cd at tlic last. A spcaKcr nas a great acivantage anyhow. lie is backed up by a majority on the floor made up of his own party; and secondly, by the entire House, each member of which being dependent, upon the Speaker for some favor necessary for his legislative comfort and distinction. Upon the whole, howpver, whether in committee or not, the Hon. Mr. Blaine makes the best speaker with the exception of the Hon. N. P. Banks. The last named held that trying place without a majority upon the floor to back him at a time when the infernal regions seemed to have had a hand in the election of two-thirds of the members. It was one of the finest sights we ever witnessed to sec General Banks presiding in the midst of a storm that for turbulence, deadly animosity, and danger was without a l parallel. HON. DEMI-JOHN A. BINGHAM. Of course the session could not close without a demonstration from the above named distinguished gentleman. For some past, indeed during this session, the demi-John was on his good behavior. That's not saying much. llis good behavior wouldn't be recognized at a Sunday-school and would be at a discount in a bar-room; but it's the best t.lio nlil rrfintlom.Tn hns nnd he brOU!?ht it out here lately because of the fact that an election is shortly to come off in his congrestional district, and reports are in circulation among his constituents to the effect that their honorable representative gets as drunk as a ''biled owl." A friend writing us from thht part of the world says that he never expected to congratulate us upon being a temperance reformer, but that'wo have certainly straightened up "The gathered wisdom of a thousand years." On the last day of the session the lion. domi-John fell from grace, if ho ever had any, and appeared upon the floor roaring drunk. Under these circumstances it was natural that he should let off his old whr speech that he has been repeating, lo! these many years. We all know that it is about treason and traitors and as full of sound as a trombone. The members accustomed to this speech listened to it with indifference made easy by old custom; but General Morgan, who gets drunk without a drop of liquor, took it into lm copper head that Bingham was addressing him because he looked in Morgan's direction. Whereupon, in a blind rage, lie rushed over, and shaking his congressional nose, called him considerable of a falsifier in the language common to the corner grocery when that tact is promulgated. Bingham stared at the congressional fist aforesaid 1. u nnr_ wun in'iib intense fcuiuuiuity putuimi w w*tain stages of drunkenness, und after a careful inspection of the same as if it-were a geological specimen, whirled round and began his speech again. i At this Morgan repeated his somewhat : unparliamentary remark. Then every member got np and said something in a loud tone of voice. We could hear distinctly the opin- : ion exprcsse on the Republican side, that 1 Morgan was a damned old fool, and on the 1 Democratic side, that Bingham hanged Mrs. : Surratt, and was the illegitimate son of a fe- ' male dog. Most of the members, however, < expressed their views by shouting "Mr. i Speaker." The tumult subsided under the fearful voice of the lion. Job Stevenson, that the words of the gentleman should be taken do.vn in writing. This is the most terrible punishment, and when the clcrds ' began writing down the words we said, 'Poor devils," and came away. And here ends the Chronicles of Congress. ( Senatorial Adventure. i We saw the honorable senator from Miohi- 1 gan guilty of a slight blunder the other | night that reminded us of a story the late i Tom Corwin of Ohio used to tell upon himself. We will relate this story of Corwin's and i then we will proceed to tell what the gicat : Micliigander did. i When the Patent Screw and Auger Line < of railway from Porkopulis terminated at Muddlckurg?it has since come to be a great j national thorougtitare?ine unnappy passcn- ; gcrs Were carried to all parts qf the civilized world as well as to New Jersey, by the oldfashioned stages. These stages ran crowded, and there was generally a contest for scats.? Governor Corwin was to leave Muddleburg at midnight for the State capital in a stage. To secure the best scat this humorist sat up all night. lie was not alone, for he had a ( bottle of choice old whiskey to keep him company. He tried his whiskey, he said, < plain. He then had it made into a mint julep, after he discussed it in the shape of a smash. About clevcu o'clock ho thought a cocktail would add variety to this spice of life. This he washed down with a hot punch, and then, at midnight, just as he heard the stage rattle iu, he took all that was left "straight." Seizing his carpet and overcoat he rushed out to find a crowd around the stage, and without saying a word, but, in a great hurry, bolted in and ensconced himself in one corner upon the back scat. He fell asleep congratulating himself upou having been so fortunate, and had a dim dreamy consciousness of the stage rolling away. When he again wakened the stage was at a staudstill; the curtains were all down, the windows up; but enough daylight got in to satisfy him that, that institution had "done broke" some time since. JIc hastily started up, and, dropping one of the windows, was perfectly amazed to find himself in the wagon-yard of a hotel. Two hogs were getting their breakfast out of a manure heap* while a melancholy cow stood chewing her cud, whilo working? her tail to keep it in practice " *""" " o , for fly-time, A lazy hostler was entertaining himself with a pitchfork. A further note of the surroundings satisfied Governor Corwin that he was in the rear of the Muddlcburg hotel, and that lie had been there from twelve o'cluck of the night before.? Corwin was a man of genius, and it did not take him long to discover the cause of this extraordinary result, lie had got into a stage that had come in, instead of one going out. The people about this leathern convenience, when lie ensconced himself, thought, as lie learned afterwards, that he was a passenger in search of mi umbrella, or some other article, left behind. The governor opened the door of the stage very softly. JIc crept out trying to feel so small that, as he said subsequently, tnssKin hung loose on him. lie could not escape, however, the eyes of the hostler, who exclaimed in some astonishment, "Hello, Governor, did dcy forgit and leave ycr in de stage ?" "There, there, my man," answered Corwin giving him a silver dollar, "You keep your lly-trap shut, or there'll be a sudden death in your family. "'Foro God," exclaimed the h6stler, as Corwin walked away, "dat's most 'stronary; the governor of Ohio done forgot in a stage Coach." j' Convin walked into the hotel, deposited his carpet-sack and coat behind the first door he encountered, and then sauntered into the breakfast-room, trying to assume an air of a man who had not slept in a wagon-yard all night. While discussing the oiled soleleathered and muddy coffee, for which the American people pay hotel prices, a friend ? ' - * . i i on the other side or trie tame, loosing up suddenly, exclaimed, "Why, goveruer, I thought you left for the capital last night." "Well," exclaimed Corwin, with one of the whimsical looks with which he was wont to set the table in a roar, "I was under that impression myself." "Got left, did you ?" > "Yes, I believe I was a good deal left." "How was that, Governor ?" '.'See here, my friend," exclaimed Corwin, carefully depositing his knife and fork on each side of his plate as if they were articles of value, "If you will consent not to press a further investigation upon that subject, I will present your wife with a bonnet more like a coal-scuttle than any now in the mark et. If you don't consent," he continued with wild energy, seizing his fork, "I'll murder you." The story, however, was too good for Tom to krep to himself, and for years after he was in the habit of telling how he slept in a stable yard, and attributed it all to some very bad whiskey that the Hon. Salmon P. Chase had given him. The other night we happened upon the avenue and witucsscd a little event that, as wc have said, reminded us of the Corwin adventure. The distinguished senator referred to was tacking along, suffering from 1 indigestion that had evidently flown to his ' legs. Suddenly he cried out, "Good night, 1 fellers!" and rushed into the street. 1 As there were no fellows near him we were impressed with the belief that the 1 ^nator had gone crazy. He Would not have 1 far to go, and if he had a little more sense 1 he would have been insane long ago. He ! hadn't gone mnd, however, he had gone after ' a car. He ran in the direction of one, at least he avetaged that, and would never- 1 have reach it in this world had the car been ' in motion. But the one he was aiming at, I ' CC 1 ~ A?onfiirn nFtlin ' Having sunurutj a uuiujumuu UU\?imv v? v?v aff axle, had been run from the track and left ( there for repairs hereafter. Precaution Regarding Fires. The following points arc well worth notice, i md should he carefully borne in mind and . acted upon, as they will be sure to diminish < the class of fires called "accidental." < .Never leave luciftrs, vesuvians, or any ? other of the numerous descriptions of cheque- < al matches in such positions that they can < be readily got at by children, or fall on the .< iloor ana be trodden on. Children should j bo strictly prevented from playing with fire, ] and severely punished if caught so offending. ! It is far better that they should undergo the inconvenience of a little wholesome chastise- i incnt, than either set the house on fire, disfigure themselves for life", or be burnt to < death, for the want of being severely punished for disobedience. Never leave a candle burning at your bedside on a table when yoti go to bed, and avoid reading in bed?this is a most fruitful causo of loss of life and property. ; If a light is required in a bedroom, let it ?)C Jl rusil, wax. I'" inminij n^ut, pimuu 111 o | i busiu on the floor, at a considerable distance from curtains, or drapery of any kind?on the hearth is the best place. If a piece of paper is used to light a candle with, see that is properly extinguished before leaving it, as it wil. sometimes burst out ou fire after having been, as supposed, trampled out. Never blow ouf gas lights, always turn them off. If there be an escape of gas, so that the smell of it is very apparent, directly open the door and windows to allow its escape, and entrance of fresh air; and above all things avoid coining any way near with a light of any description. As soon as you can, shut the gas at the meter. All chimneys should be thoroughly swept at least once in three months; but once every month is far better and safer. Soot will accumulate quickly, and much quicker with some sorts of coal than with others. Many a house has bceu burnt down by the chimney catching 011 fire. If a chimney catches fire, the readiest means of extinguishing it will be found in applying a wet table-cloth cover, or blanket to the whole front of the grate, from the mantle-piece down to the floor, and holding | or pinning it close into or against the jambs; then if the bottom bo lifted up sufficiently | high to enable water enough to be thrown on tbc fire, to create a good cloud of steam to ascend the chimney, the fire will be either extinguished or very much reduced; and if n nirih)] l,fi firpil un the chimney it will fetch .. J,?. ^?r _ down the soot in a very short time, and thus prevent any very serious damage arising from this by no means pleasant occurrrencc. Fight Between* a Dog and a Rattlesnake.?Sunday afternoon a woman residing in Brooklyn, went to a field near that suburb to pick blackberries, accompanied by a large and valuable dog. While engaged in getting berries her attention was attracted by the dog, which was barking furiously not far away, and going towards the spot she discovered a huge rattlesnake, coiled up on the defensive and keeping the dog at bay. As the woman approached, the snake, withdrawing its attention from the dog, suddenly elided towards her. whercuDon UUUVllVi* UIIW ^ , x slits turned and fled; but the dog, taking advantage of the of portunity thus paesentcd, sprung upon the reptile and seized it with his teeth?the snake at the same time burying its fangs in the dog. The woman did not stop to watch the fight, but hurried home withjill possible speed, and not long after her arrival there the dog dragged him self to the gate, covered with blood and terribly swollen, and almost immediately died.? 1 Florida Union. , ureeiey a r-iufcuio. DRAWN BY MARK TWAIN. FTo next goes to breakfast, which is a frugal, abstemious meal with him, and consists of nothing but just such things as the market affords?nothing more, lie drinks nothing but water?nothing whatever but water and coffee, and tea and Scotch ale, and lager beer, and lemonade with a fly in it?souicnml sometimes a horse-flv. V1UICQ Ur uuugw'iij HMW w t according to the amount of inspiration required to warm him up to his daily duties. During break la.-t, he reads the Tribune all throngh,and enjoys the satisfaction of knowing that all the brilliant things in it, written by Young, and Cooke, and Hazard, and myself, arc attributed to him by a conliding and ignorant public. 1 After breakfast, he writes a short editorial and puts a large dash at the beginning of it 1 thus, (?: ) which is the same as if he put II. G. after, and takes a savage pleasure ( iu reflecting that none of us understrappers , can use that dash except in profane convcr- ( sation when chafing over the outrage. lie writes this editorial iu his own hand-writing. . He docs it because lie is so vain of his pen- , manship. He always did take an inordinate 1 pride in penmanship. He hired out once, ' in yonng day's, as a writing-master, but the enterprise failed. The pupils could not ( translate his marks with any certainty. His 8 first copy was ''Virtue is its own reward," , and they got it ''Washing with soap is low and absurd;" and So tlic trustees discharged him for attempting to convey bad morals i through the medium of worse penmanship. c But, as I was sayiftg, he writes his morning I editorial .Then he tries to read it over, and * can't do it, and he sends it to the printers, and they try to read it, and can't do it; and t 30 they set it up at raudom, as you may say, B putting in what words they can make out; j and when they get aground on a long word, s they put in "protection" or "universal suffrage," and spar off and paddle ahead; and next morning, if the degraded public can s tell what it is all about, they say that II. G. wrote it; and if they can't they say it is one 1 if those imbecile uudcrstrappcrs, and that is 1 the end of it. On Sundays Mr. Greeley sits in a proud- a ncnt pew in Mr. Chapin's church, and lets c .i . 1.. ...i ? ?/! tUr, n rrmcrn Hi in I r JH lUUG I1U IS ilSlcep, Iinu niv vjiigiv0>.?>vU V regard it as eccentricity of genius-. j When he is going to appear in public, I Mr. Greeley spends two hours on his toilet, lie is the most pains-taking and elaborate man about getting up his dress that lives in rVuierica. This is his chicfest and pleasant- .j' ?st foible. IIo puts on his old white over- , joat and turns up the collar. He puts on a t soiled shirt, saved from the wash, and loaves jne end of the Collar unbuttoned. He puts 5n his most dilapidated hat, turns it wrong v side before, cants it on the back of his head, and jams an extra dent in the side of it. He a puts on his most atrocious boots, and spends Sftecn minutes tucking the left leg of his pants into the boot-top in what shall seem 1 the most careless and unstudied way. J>ut s his cravat?it is into the arrangement of his 1 cravat that he throws all his soul, all the 1 powers of his great mind* After fixing it 1 for forty minUtcs before the glass, it is perfect?it is askew in every way?it overflows j his coat-collar on ouc side and sinks into ob- ] livion on tbe other?it climbs and it delves ( around about his neck?the knot is conspic- , uouslv displayed under his left ear, and it ] streehes one of its long ends straight out ] horizontally, and the other goes after his eye, in the good old Toodlea fashion?and then, completely and uiarvclously appareled, Mr. : Greeley strides forth, rolling like a sailor, a j miracle ofastoundingcostuujcry,Hhca\vc and wonder of the nation. j A Contrast and a Moral.?A greater contrast cannot be imagined than a hard- ] faced, close-fisted, sagacious man of money , and what is called a fast young man. AVhcn ( Old Money hags, plodding to counting- < room, meets one of these youngswclls. perhaps 1 driving fine horses, a cigar in his limuth,and other insignia of young bloods about him, he feels a contempt for him that language is 1 inadequate to express. lie considers him j the greatest fool in the world?not because t ho is a profligate sinner?but because lie is J throwing away money and time in such an unprofitable way. The only consolation be has in the spectacle is the suggestion it makes of his own superior wisdom. Vet lie ' is as great a fool in his own fashion as the ^ other. How did the fast youth obtain the ' cash he is scattering abuut so lavishly? * From some old father, who had made j rrold his <rod, like Ole Money hags, only to 1 have his dSity chopped info current coiu by ' his children, lie layeth up riches and ' kuoweth not who shall gather them ! i Two Mexican ladies of rank, at a recent * ball at Santa Cruz, getting into a dispute in regard to the number of dances due each by } a mutual lover, one of them, throwing her Xo. oi kid glove into the other's face, 1 challenged her to mortal combat. They met the next morning. The challenged, having the choice of weapons, chose theshortsword, 1 and, after a few passes, her weapon passed 1 completely through the white sword-arm of ' her antagonist, entirely disabling it. Fran- 1 tic with rage and pain, the wounded fury * seized a pistol and dared the other to "Conic 1 on Macduff." Nothing loth, the other took ; her position, the word was given, and again 1 the challenger was wounded, her left arm be I ing broken by the ball of her antagonist. 1 She was carried olF the licld in a swoon, and the other more fortune fair married the casus belli two hours afterward. A bookseller some years since received an order for "2 sam Lux.*' lie puzv.icd his , brain some time without understanding the meaning thereof, and returned it for an explanation. The writer was very much astonished that it could not be understood. "Why," said lie, "it is as plain as day?2 lam, psalm,hu.r, hooks." This explained the mystery. \ "' I " ! [ ADVERTISING RATES. I Space. 1 M. 2 M. 3 M.' 6 M. 1 V. I 1 squaro 3 00 0 00 8 00 12 00 10 00 ! 2 squares 0 00 9 00 12 00 18 00 26 00 I 3 squares 9 00 13 00 10 00 24 00 35 Od I \ squares 12 00 16 00 20 00 80*00 43 04 1 column 15 00 19 00 24 00 34 00 50 CC 4 column 20 00 30 00 40 00 55 00 80 00 1 column 30 OoJ 50 00, CO 00 90 00 130 00 All Transient Advertisements will be charged Oxe Dor-r.An per Square for the first and Seventy-fxve Cents per Square for each subsequent insertion. Jottings. A dead set?The cor-sct. ';. A rope-in?The hangman. Tlio hight of a young laily's ambition?4 Two little feet. A Detroit baby has swallowed a brass watch. It has stopped, and that creates difficult ty. 0. W. Iloluies says that crying widows marry fiirst. There is nothing like' "wet weather for transplanting. It is remarked as a singular fact that mncll of the ancient Japanese ware is decorated with Roman and (ireciau borders. A Cincinnati man is searching through the West for a runaway wife and 810,000 in bonds which she took?especially. tho b mds. Otto Frecsc, a Chicago person, got through# the winter, safely in spite ol his name, and ivus ruu over by a baker's wagon the other 'i In the Stale Library at Albany, New I'orlc, arq the very papers that were found n the boot of Major Andre, and which led :o his conviction as a spy. Who can have any respect for a man who, >n passing the laundry and seeing tho girls it work, will consent to make such a remark is "Wring out, wild belles V The tree of tho "Night of Terrors" at Mexico, a souvenir oi the night When Cortes captured the city, which has been carefully reserved all this time, was recently, burned )y an incendiary. There has been discovered a new cure for he bite cf mad dogs, in a plant, Anagallis irvcnsis (Gamhhcil, in German.) A few >inchos of the pulverized plant strewn on a andwich, arc to be taken daily. An Arkansas cxchance tells of a colored ister who recently gave birth to three sons ?the lirst, white, the second black, and tho Iliru yciiuw. I.iUiluy-iiiuu\; uuiwgavw 1.V text Dolly Vardcn Convention. A lady in Clinton, Iowa, gave' a burglar t very severe Hogging with a dust brush the >ther night. She said she wouldn't have lone it if she hadn't been under the imiression that it was her husband just getting ionic. "When applied to unmarried women tho ule "one counts the hits but not the misses" hould be, one counts the misses but not the lits, on the supposition that none of them tave ever been struck with Cupid's parts, or hey vnould not be single. Mr. Michael Pice, of St. Louis, has ahorso rhich gambols and throws Dice. . "Feminary" is the latest for female scmintry. A Leaking Lake.?The water in White uukc, Sullivan County, X. Y., a celebrated iuuimcr resort, has receded several feet in ,hc past three days, and is still sinking. The akc is on the mountain top and has probaby found Subterranean outlet, . They said the Lord's Prayer in this wise' n 1 oftO ? Fader ure in hcune. Lalclwedd booth tlii ncnnc, cumcn crtho Uro cuerych lawc breid gcf us thilk dawfc. And?vorzef are dettcs, as vi vorzcfcn ure dcttorcs, and lode vus uouzt into temptation, bote dc[iucri vus ofuVcl, Auicn. 'Sir,' said an irate little gentlemen of lbout four feet eleven inches, to one of six Feet two, 'I would have you know, sir, that [ have been well brought up !" 'Possibly,' said the tall one looking down, -butyou haven't been brought up far.' An exchange tells that "at 20 years of age, belaud Stanford an ived in California with >nly quo shirt to his back. Since, then, by . lose attention to business, lie has accuiuulatid over 10.0U0.0U0. What can a man want vitli 10,01)0,UUO shirts'{ A gentlemen in Ualtiinorc had been aploiuted to a third-class clerkship at Sl.GUt) salary, but failed to pass the examination. His wife applied for it, and more successful ban lie, received the appointment and pcrbrmcd the duties required. This item is or the benefit of the woman suffragists. California ladies speculate in mining stocks u place t?f bothering their dear little heads iver impracticable political theories, after the nanncr of many of their Eastern sisters. 5ome of them operate upon their sagacious udgment, while others rely upon the advice if male friends who "know whatisgoingon." )ne lady has raked in the snug sum of 810,)0t), another counts her gains at 8.'?0,000 vhile another fair one is spoken of among tor friends as having ' realized quite a formic." This is certainly more profitable, if iot better in every way. than strutting upon ilatlbnns in outre clothing and shortened :iair, dispensing dreary platitudes to as dreary llhlitMlCCS. Easy way of turning an honest penny?? \ blind musician stood in one of the princiial thoroughfares performing on his instrujiCi'.t. when a little boy was observed to take tp his position by the side of the poor, afilict:d mendicant, and, with cap in his hand solicit, alms from passers-by. After rcceivng a few pence, he turned the street corner, uid tj lictly moved off with the money, leaving the musician actively continuing his performance on the cheery flageolet. Such is life. Josn Dillinus lias been experimenting with pills, aud certifies as follows: "1 iicver hav used enny ov 'Doctor Emanuel's Liver Consoling and Kidney Encouraging Pills,' and thcrforc kant tell yu how influcnshal they arc: but ef yu aro looking alter a pill az mild az a pet lam, and az serching az a fmc-to'.th comb, buv 'Doctor llingbones's Silent Perambulator, 27 in a box, and sold by all respectable druggers.' Ttiezc pills don't pliool round, but attend striktly to bizznes, and are ez good in the del of nite ez. ;m alarm c!<;>. k.