The tribune. (Beaufort, S.C.) 1874-1876, October 18, 1876, Image 1
The Beaufort Tribune.
VOL. II.?NO. 48. BEAUFORT, S. C., OCTOBER 18, 1876. $1.50 PER ANNUM.
A Fragment. l
Thore'e many a life chained down by cironxnBtanoe
And tethered to a close and natrow scopo, 1
That wildly throbs impatient to advance,
Aod sore to join its do&r desire and hopo;
Yet brooding in the realms of hope's expanse,
Falls do*n within its narrow beaten track,
And wakes a' last from oat a lifelong tranoo
To find in death oaoh hope turned empty
back. 1
It is not only to the scro'l of fame,
Nor to the eoulptur'd stone to honor raised,
Is limited the noble deed and name ;
Those, in thoir greatness known, the world
has praised, ,
Bat many a life has been whose dying flame
Has flickered dimly to a lowly end,
Whcse noble deeds a deathless name might
frame,
Yet died, unknown, uuhonored, with no
friend.
There have been heroes more than battles
mako,
wuobo greatness uover reached a herald's
card ;
There have b. en martyrs, Dover at the stake,
Who 6uffe:od martyrdom thro' lingering
years ;
As noiseless as the snow falls, flake by flake.
And mol's unseen upon the rolling wave,
80 their pure lives in silent actions spake,
Their virtues mute, weut down into the
grave.
The ills of life are manif .Id?they come
Upon the richtoous and the bad the same.
The rich and p<x>r alike must take their sum,
For trouble Knows no station, oaate or name ;
In life's grout camp, above the merry bum
Of thoughtful life, steals in the solemn tone
Of sorrow, testing his low muffled drum,
And the tramping on, with rendering wai}
and moan.
Time cret ps upon us unawares, the years
Like oc. an wavoi roll up and onward go.
The burdens of the day, joys, hopes and fears,
Move ever with a coaseless ebb and flow;
Look back upon the rolling past, that rears
Its waves in silent tempest, and behold!
It tills tbo mind with many mitiglod fe^rs,
Fours for the thm3s the future may behold.
Anrt ? O ---? *
...... "on auu nuirow lor moaiM t
Nay, rather for tho living drop a tear !
Thoir's in the moi-t oye, theirs the heart of
load,
Tbeir's tho drooping soul that needeth
cheer,
Then weep, >reop for the living, their'a the
woe.
The ill* < f l.fe arc end: d with the dead!
They leave their aorrowa and their griefa belo
v,
Tae liviiij have life's fu uro to d-.oad !
We know the present and the bygone, too ;
We know what wo have been and what we
are ;
But, oh ! that we the unborn future knew !
Wouid it the present'* sweet contentment
mar ?
Alas ! we know Dot. Death alone is irue ;
But what shall fill the space that lies between
?
We cannot say. wo may not catch the olew, <
Or know our parts iu each succeeding scene 1 ,
THE TABLES TURNED.
I
A Temperance Story.
One evening, not long since, a num
ber of us, old ship masters, chanced to
meot at a social supper, and after the
oloth was removed wo went in for yarn
Sinning. Among our number was
ipt. Richard Nutter, and a tlner man,
or a better sailor, never trod a deck. At
len gth it camo his turn to tell a story,
or, what we preferred?and what the
rest of us had done?relate some incident
of experience in bis own life.
Well, boyH," he said, as he rejected
the wine, which was at that moment
passed to him for the tint time, " I will
give you a bit of the early part of my
ocean life, und it is a very important bit,
too, for npon it I have built the whole
of my subsequent manhood."
We prepared to listen to Oaptain Nutter
with the most perfect attention, for
he was not only an old seaman, but one
of the most successful commanders in
our mercantile marine. We listened,
and his story was as follows :
" I was very young when I first entered
on shipboard, aud at the age of fourteen
I considered myBelf quite a sailor.
Wheu I was eighteen I tras shipped on
board an East Indianman, fur a long
voyage. There wore six of us ou brard
of about the same age, and we had
about the same duties to perform, The
ship?the old La ly Dunlap?was a large
ono, and our crow was larce in
0 ?
tioD, there being fifty two, all to d. We
'boys,' oh we wore called, messed together,
and in all otber respects were
separate from the rest of the crew, just
as much ns the officers were. Oar cap- i
tain was a noble hearted, honorable man,
kind and generons, but yet very strict.
Of course wo youngsters found plenty
of occasion to find fault with him, and
very often were his decisions arraigned 1
before our rnesn and decidedly condemned.
In fact, we should havo reversed
many of his judgments if we had had
the power; but as he was the commander,
and we only foremast hands?and l
boys at that?ho had his own way, and
the luminous decisions we came to were
consequently of no avail, and lost to tho
world.
44 Now wo lioys had learned, in the
oonrse of onr travels, to drink grog as
well as any sailors. Wo oonld toss off a
glass of rum and water with as mnch
grace as any one, and tfo claimed the
right so to do, not only as a privilege, \
bnt as an honor to which a life upon the c
ooean entitled ns. Bnt even in this re- L
spect onr captain pretended to differ s
from us. When we could get on shore c
we would invariably indulge in our
cups, and not infrequently would we 1
come off, or be brought off, in a state t
anything bnt sober. I say 4 wo,' but c
there was one of our number who could 1
not bo induced to touch a drop of any- t
thing intoxicating. His namo was John
Small, and ho belonged in one of the t
baek towns of New Jersey. ^
44 Now Jack Smnll not only refrained
entirely fron drinking himself, but he i
used sometimes to ask us to let the stuff t
alono. He gave that job up, howover, 3
for we mado such sport of him that he t
was glad to let us nloue. But our captain
had sharp eyes, and it was not long t
before ho begun to show Jack Small 1
favors which he did not show to us. He ?
would often take Jack on shore with e
him to spend the night, and such things
as that, while wo were kept on board i
tho ship. Of courso this created a sort r
of euvy on our part, and it ended in a I
decided ill will toward poor Jack. 1
44 Now, in truth, Jack was one of the ?.
best fellows in tho world. Ho was kind,
obligiug, honest, always willing to lend 8
a helping hand in ease of distress, and 3
as true a friend na ever lived?only he
wonlll ti'f drilllr wifll n a fliaf \rraa oil f
No?that wasn't all. Ho learned faster
tlmn we did?ho wan a better sailor and 1
had lenrned more of navigation. Bnt
this wo tried to lay to the captain's paying
him the moat attention, though we
knew better at the time, for we had the
privihgeof learning just as much as
we had a mind to. The truth of the
matter was, we five loved the idea of
Swung 'ilil salts' better than wo did
anything else, and we spent more time
in watching for opportunities to have a
spree than wo did in learning to perfect
on .-solves in the profession wo had
chosi n.
"It even got so, at length, that Jack
Small was called upon to take the deck
sometimes, when the officers were busy,
and he used to work out the reckoning
at noon as regularly as did the captain.
Y? t Jack was in our mess, a d he was a
constant eyesoro. Wo saw that he was
roachiug rapidly ahead of us in every
us-ful paiticular, and yet wo wouldn't
open our eyes. We wore envious of his
good fortune, as we called it, and used
to seize every opportunity to tease and
run him. But he never got angry in return.
Ho sometimes would laugh at us,
and at others ho would so feelingly
chide us that wo would remain silent for
awhile.
"At length the idea entered our
he ids that Jack should drink with us.
We talked the matter over in the mess
when Juck was absent, and we mutually
pledged oaeli other that wo would made
him drink at the first opportunity. After
this determination was taken, we
tr< ated Jack more kindly, and ho was
happier than he had been for some time.
wiich more wo laugueci auti jokou witu
him in the mess, and ho in return helped 1
us in our navigation. Wo woro on our
homeward bound passage, by the way i
of Brazil, aud onr ship stopped at Rio
Janeiro, whore wo were to remain a 1
wi ok or so. One pleasant moruiug we I
six yonugsters received permission to '
go on shore and spend tho whole day;
and accordingly wo rigged up in our ?
best togs and were carried to tho land- 1
ing. 1
"Now was our chance, and wo put i
our heads together to see how it should
be done. Jack's very first desire, as 1
soon as ho got on shore, was to go up 1
and examine tho various things of inter- <
est. in the city. He wanted to visit tho <
churches and suoh like places, and to 1
please him we agreed to go with him, if (
he would go and take diuner with us. i
Ho agreed to this at once, and wo <
thonght wo had him sure. We planned <
th?t after dinner was eaton wo would <
have some light sweet wine 'brought on, 1
and that we would contrive to get rum i
enough into what he drank tu upset <
him, for nothing on earth could please <
uti more than to get Jock Small drunk, i
ui7d carry him on board in that Bhape^ 1
for then we fancied the captain's favoritism
would bo at an end, and that ho
would no longer look upon our rival
with more preference than upon ourselves.
We had tho matter all arranged,
and in tho meantime we paid Jack all
tho attention in onr power?so much so
that he at length signified a willingness
to go anywhere to please us, provided
we would not go to any bad place.
"Dinner time came, and a most capital
dinuer wo had. We had selected one
of the best hotels. The eatables were
dispatched with becoming gusto, aud
then the dishes were rem ved, and at a
sign from mo the wine was brought on.
"'Ah! what have you here?'asked
Jack, betraying some uueasinoss at the
appearance of the glasses and bottles.
" ' Only a little new wine,' I replied,
:?s carelessly as I could. ' Mere juice
of the grape.'
" ' But it's wine, nevertheless,' pnr
.J I. -
3UCU UH, (
" It isn't wine,' cried Sam Pratt,
who was one of the hardest nnts old :
Neptnre ever cracked. 1
" No,' ohimed in Tim Black, another i
of about tho same stamp. ' it's only u <
little simple juice. Come, boys, fill up.' i
"The glasses were accordingly tilled, 1
Sam Pratt performing that duty, and he 1
took good care that Jack's glass had a i
good quantity of sweetened rnm in it. 1
"' No,' said Jaok, as the glass was ]
moved toward him ; ' if you are going <
to commence this, I will keep yon com- i
pany with water while you remain order- 1
ly, but I will not tonoh wine.' . i
" This was spoken very mildly, and i
with a kind smile, but yet it was spoken i
firmly, end we could see that our plan 1
was about being knocked in tho head. 1
iVe urged him to drink with hr?only
>ne ghu-p, if no more. Wo told him
low iunocent it was, and how happy hit*
ocial glass would make us ; but we
lould not move him.
"'Then let him go I' cried Tim, who
iad already drank some. In fact, all of
is but Jack had drank moro or less
luring the forenoon. * Let him go.
Ye don't want the mean fellow to with
IB !'
" That's it,' added Bam. 'If he's
oo good drink with his shipmates,
po don't want him.'
" ' You misunderstand me,' said Jack,
n a tone of pain. 'lam not too good
o drink with you, in the sense in which
'ou would take it. But I do not wish
o drink at all.'
" 'Too stingy?that's all,' said I, deermined
to make him drink if I could.
3ut Jack looked at me so reproachfully
is I said this that I wished I had not
ipoken as I did.
" 'If you wish to enjoy your wiuo,
nessmates,'said Small, at the snmo time
i6iug from hie chair, 'you oau do bo,
rat I beg you will excuse me. I will
my my sharo of tho espouses for the
liuner.'
" 'And for your share of the wine,'
aid Tim, * for we've ordcrod it for
rou.'
" 'No,' returned Jack, 'I cauuot pay
or any of tho wine'?
" 'Mean!' cried two or threo at a
>rcath.
" 'No, uo, messmates, not mean. I
vill pay for the wholo of the dinner?
or every article you and I have had in
ho house, save the wiuo.'
"And as he spoke ho rung the bell.
3o asked tho waiter who entered what
ho bill was for the company, without
he wine, and after the amount had been
itated, he took out his purse to pay it,
vhen Sam Pratt, who was our acknowlalged
leader, caught his arm.
" ' No?not so,' said Sam. ' You shall
lot pay for it, for wo will not eat at the
ixpenso of one who will sneak out of a
crape in this way. Wo want nothing
noro to do with you uulossyou will take
t glass of wino with us.'
' 'Very well,' Baid Jack; and as he
;poke I could seo that his lip quivered,
ind that he dared not speak more.
" Ho turned toward tho door then,
rat before ho reached it Tim Black ran
rad caught him, at the same time ex
:laiming :
" 'May I be blessed if you go off so,
iny way. You've commeucod and now
fou'vo get to stick it out.'
'This was the signal for us to comin
nee again, and once more we tried to
lrge Jack to drink tho wine; and when
ve found that urging would not do we
jommeuced to abuse and scoff. Wo aerated
him of trying to Ktep over us on
joara me snip, una oi nil otlier bad
hingsof which wo cnn'.d think. Fur a
*hih> tho poor fellow seemed iueliucil to
et his auger get tho upper hands; but
it length he cai mod himself and stepping
jack to his chair, he sai?! :
" ' Shipmates will you listen to mc
for a moment ?"
"Silence gave consent, and in a moment
more ho resumed:
"'Sinoo matters have como to this
pass, I have resolved to tell you what
[ had meaut to keep locked up iu my
josom.'
" Wo had always thought, from
Tack's manner, that thero was Homering
peculiar connected with his early
ifo, and wo were nil ctteution in a moment.
" ' My story is but a vory short one,'
je continued, ' and I can tell it in a
rery few words. From tho time of my
earliest ohildhood I never knew what it
was to have a happy home. My father
tvai a drunkard 1 Once ho had been a
good man and a good husband, but rum
rninfxl fill liifl manlwrn/l nr?/l .1 ~ ~ I
ftUMuuw/u uuu xiim.it? n ui uiu
>f biin. I ean remember how cold and
jheerless was the tlrst winter of my life
to which my memory leads my mind.
Wo had no fire?no food?no clothes?
no j ny?110 nothing; nothing but misery
iud woe I My poor mother used to
jlbsp me to her bosom to keep me warm,
iud once?once I remember?when her
pery tears froze on my etieek! Oh I how
ny mother prayed to God for her hus>aod;
and I, who could bnt just prattle,
earned to pray, too. And I used to see
;hat husband and father return to his
nemo, and I remember how my poor
not her cried aud trembled.
" * When I grow oldor I had to go out
ind beg for bread. All cold and shiverng
I waded through the deep snow,
with my clothes in tatters and my frcezug
feet almost baro. And I saw other
ihildren of my own age drossed warm
tud oomfortable, and I knew they were
nappy, for they laughed and sung as
llioy bounded along toward sohool.
moo Doys nad sober fathers. I knew
;hat their fathers were no better than
mine had been once, for my mother had
told roe how noble my own father conld
t>e if the accnrsed demon rum wero not
n his way; but the fatal power was upon
dim, aud though he often promised, and
diough he often tried, yet he could not
jscapo.
" 'Time passed on and I was eight
rears old, and those eight years had
L>oen years of euch sorrow and suffering
?s I pray God I may novor see another
experience. At length, one cold morn
irg in the doad of winter, my father
was not at home. He had not been at
iiome through the night. My mother
n nt mo to the tavern to see if I could
Hnd him. I had gone halt the way when
[ saw something in the snow by the side
df tho road. I stopped, and a shudder
rau through me, for it looked like a
Imman form. I wont np to it, and
turned tho head over and brushed tho
wow from the face. It was my father?
mid he'was stiff aud cold! I laid my
hand upon his pale brow, and it was
like solid marble. Uo was dead 1*
"Poor Jack stopped a moment and
wiped his oyes. Not one of U8 spoke
for we bad become too deeply moved.
But be soon went on.
" * I wont to the tavern and told the
people thero what I had found, and the
landlord sent two of his men to carry
the frozen body of my father homo.
Oh, HhipmateB, I cannot tell you how
my poor mother wept and groaned.
She sunk down upon her knees and
clasped that icy corpse to her beating
bosom, as though she could have given
it life from the warmth of her own
breast. She loved her husband through
all his errors, aud her love was all
powerful now. The two men went away
and left the body still on tho floor. My
mother whispered to me to come and
kneel by her side. I did so. " My
child," she said to mo, and tho big tears
were yet rolling down her cheeks, " jou
know what has caused all this. This
man was onco as noble and happy and
true as man can be, but, oh, seo how ho
has been stricken down. Promise me,
my child, oh, promise here, before God
and your dead father, and your broken
hearted mother, that you will never,
nover, never touch a single drop of tho
fatal poison iliat has wrought for us all
this misery."
Oh, shipmates, I did promise, then
aud there, all that my mother asked, aud
God knows that to this moment that
promise has never been broken. My
father was buried, and some good, kind
neighbors helped us through the winter.
When tho next spring enmo 1 could
work, and I earned something for my
mother. At length I found u chance to
ship, and 1 did so, and every time I go
lionio I have some money for my mother.
Not for the wealth of tho whole
world would I break the pledge I gave
my mother and my God on that dark.
Cv?Ul morning. Anil even liud 1 made no
such pledge, I would not touch the fatal
cup, for I know that I have a fond, dotiug
mother who would bo mado minera:'lo
by my dishonor, and I would rather
die than to bring more Borrow upon her
head. Perhaps you have no mothers;
and, if you have, perhaps they do not
look to you for support, for I know you
too well to believe that either of you
would over bring down a loving mother's
gray hnirs in Borrow to tho grave. That
is all, shipmates. Let me go now, and
you may enjoy yourselves ulone, for I
do not believe that you will again urge
the wiuo cup upon me.'
"As Jack thus spoke, he turned toward
the door, but Tim Black stopped
him.
" 4 llold on, Jack,' cried Tim, wiping
his eyos and starting up from his chair.
' You shan't go alone. I havo got a
mother, and I love her as well as you
lovo yours, and your mother shall not
be happier than mine, for, by tho love I
bear her, I here swear that alio shall
never havo a drunken son. 1 will drink
no more!'
444 Give uh your hand, Tim,' cried
Sam Pratt. 4 I'll go with you.'
441 waited no more, but quickly starting
from my chair I joined tho other
two, and ero long tho whole five of us
joined with Jack Small in his noble plan.
117., ?11.. .1 r? :-i- ?J *
iiu unucu nil jii'u, luis. ilUU paju'r, mid
made Jack draw up a pledge. Ho signed
it first and we followed him, and when
the deed was done I know we were far
happier than wo had been before for
yi ars. The wine upon the table was not
touched, and the liquor we had drank
during the forenoon was now all gone in
its effect.
"Toward evening we returned to tho
ship. There was a frown upon the captain's
brow as we came over the side,
for ho had never known us to come off
from a day's liberty sober. Bat when
we had all come over tho side and reported
ourselves to him his couuU nance
changed. Ho could hardly give credit
to tho evidenco of his own senses.
" ' Look here, boys,' lie said, after he
had examined us thoroughly, 'what
does this mean ?'
" ' Show him the paper,' whispered I.
"Jack had our pledge, and without
speaking ho hnuded it to the captain.
He took it and read it, and his face
charged its expression several times.
At leDgtli I saw a tour start to his eye.
" Boys,' ho said, as ho folded up tho
paper, 4 let me keep this aud if you
stick to your uoble resolution yon shall
never want a friend while I live.'
44 We let tho captain koep tho paper,
ard when ho had put it in his pocket he
came and took us each in tnrn by the
hand. Ho was nmch affected, and I
knew that tho circumstances mado him
happy. From that day our prospects
brightened. Jaok Small no more had
our envy, for he took hold and taught
us in navigation, and we were proud ol
him. On tho next voynge we all sis
were rated as able seamen, and received
fall wages, and wo left not that noble
hearted captain until we left to become
officers on board other ships.
44 Jack Small is now one of tho best
masters in the world, ami I believe that
the rest of our party are still living,
honored ami respected men. Three
year3 ego wo all met?the whole six of
us?at tho Aetor House iu New York,
and not one of us had broken that
pledge which wo made in tho hotel nt
Rio. Four of us were then oommaodors
of good ships, one was a merchant in
Now York, and the other was just going
out ns American consul to one of the
Italian cities on tho Mediter^inean.
A farmer residing near Newcastle,
Peui recently discovered a numbor ol
boy a helping themselves in his orchard.
He immediately uuloored a largo bulldog
and set the brute after tho boys.
The savage animnl caught one of the
youths by tho throat, and iu a moment
tore out tho boy's wind-pipe and sev
ered his jugular vein, causing death in
a very few minutes.
An Ingenious Plea.
A soldier, by tlie name of Bioliard
Loo, was taken before the magistrates of
Glasgow, Scotland, for playing cards
during divine servioe. The acoonnt of
it is thus given :
Sergeaut commanded the soldiere at
the church, and when the parson had
read tko prayers ho took the text. Those
who had n Bible took it out, but this
soldier had neither Bible nor oommon
prnyei book, but pulling out a pack of
cards, ho spread them out before him.
Ho looked lirst at one card and then at
another. The sergeant saw him and
said :
" Richard, put up the cards; this is no
place for them."
never lluuu iuai, huiu ItlCUarU.
"When the servico was over the constable
took Richard a prisoner and
brought him before the mayor.
"Well, what have you brought the
soldier here for ?"
" For playing cards in churoh."
" Well, soldier, what have you to say
for yourself?"
" Muoh sir, I hope."
"Very good; if not, I will punish
you more than ever man was punished."
"I havo been," said tho soldier,
" about six weeks on the march. I have
no Bible or common prayer book; I
have nothing but a pack of cards, and I
hope to satisfy your worship of thepnrity
of ray intentions." 1
Then spreading the cards before the
mayor, lie Ix'guu with the ace.
" When I see tho aco it reminds me
that there is but one God.
" When I see tho deuce it reminds mo
of Father and Son.
" When I see the three it reminds mo
of Father, Son aud Holy Ghost.
' Wli ul see the four it reminds me
of the four evangelists that preached?
Matthew, Mark, Lrako and John.
" When 1 Bee tho five it reminds me
of the live wise virgins that trimmed
tho lamps. There were ten, but five
wi re wise and five were foolish and were
sLut out.
" When I see tho six it reminds me
that in six days the Lord made heaven
and earth.
" When I see the seven it reminds me
that on the seventh day God rested from
tho great work Ho had made and hallowed
it.
" When I see the eight it reminds me
of the eight righteous persons that were
saved when God destroyed the world?
viz.: Noah and his wife, his three sons
and their wives.
" When 1 see the nine it reminds me
of the ten lepers that were cleansed by 1
our Savior. There were nine out of the ]
t'-u who never returned thanks. 1
"Wheulseo the ton it reminds me i
of tho Ten Commandments which God i
banded dowu to Moses on the tables of
stuuo.
' When I see tho king it reminds me
o; tho great King of Heaven, which is ,
G al Almighty.
" When I see tho queen it reminds me '
of tho t^ueeu of Sheba, who visited
Solomon, for she was as wi-e a womau ]
as ho was a man. Sho brought with her <
fifty boys and titty girls, all dressed in 1
boys' apparel, for King Solomon to tell 1
winch wore boys and which were girls.
King Solomon sent for water for them i
to wash; tho girls washed to the elbows
uud the boys to the wrists, so he told by \
thai."
"Well," said the mayor, "you have
given a description of all the cards in 1
the pack except one."
" What is that ?"
" Tho knave," said the mayor. i
" I will give your honor a description i
of that, too, if yon will not be angry." ;
" 1 will not," Baid the mayor, "if you
do not term me to bo tho knave." ]
" Well," said the soldier, " the great- i
est kuavo I know of is tho constable who i
brought mo here." i
" J don't know," said the mayor, "if
he is tho greatest knave, but I know he
is the greatest fool." <
" When I oonnt how maDy spots in a i
pack of cards I tine 365?as many as '
there are days in the year.
" When I count the number of cards
j iu a pack I find there are fifty-two?the
j number of weeks in a year; and I find
; four suits?tho number of weeks in a
UiUUtU,
" I und there are twelve picture cards i
iu n pack, ropresentiug the number of '
, months iu a year; and, on counting the i
number of tricks, I find thirteen, the i
number of weeks in a quarter. <
, "So you see, sir, a pack of cards 1
servt s for a Bible, almanac and common '
. prayer book." 1
; * i
Ills Modest Wish.
| Arent Schuyler, the brother of i
( Colonel Peter Schuyler, the first mayor <
of Albany, bought a largo tract of land <
m the vicinity of Newark, N. J., in i
1695. Ho soon after took up his resi- i
denco hoie. Oyp day a slave who was i
plowing turned up a greenish heavy '
stone. He took it to his master, who i
sent it to England for nnalyzation. It I
was found to contain eighty per cent. <
of copper. The avenue to wealth was 1
| at once seized upon, and groat qnanti- ]
ties of the orj were shinned to tho i
, Bristol copper and brass works in Eng- I
, land. Schuyler, wishing to reward the <
' lucky slave, told him to namo three
things which he most desired, end <
thoy should be given him. The innocent
fellow asked, first, that he might <
1 remain with his master as long as he
lived ; second, that ho might have all
the tobacco he could smoke ; and third, i
that he might have a dressing gown like
i his master's, with big brass buttons.
i "Oh, ask for something of value," said
Schuyler. The negro hesitated a few
i minutes, then added : " Dense givo mo
a littlo more tobacco."
Items of Interest.
A Cincinnati swell told his tailor that
lie wouldn't pay for " that last epilepsy."
It was disoovered that ho meant " bad
at."
Now is the time for husking bees,
rhe bee should be firmly seized byithe
responsive end, and?well, you can depend
upon the bee for further instruolions.
A story is floating about in the papers
to the effect that a large organization of
beggars exists in New York city, presided
over by a woman and having a
treasurer and secretary, the latter being
i beautiful mulatto girl.
"You see,, said Unole Job, "my
wife's a cur'ous woman. She scrimped,
rnd saved, and almost starved all of us
to get our parlor furnished nioe, and
aow she won't let us go into it, and
iftin't even had the window blinds of it
upon for a month. She is a cur'ous
trnman I"
A Canadian sportsman declares that
die speckled tront in Ontario have been
killed by warm water. The woods have
Depn out down, and the sun, shining up3n
the water from morning till night,
licats the streams. He asks the fanners
to plant willow limbs along the water's
nige to shade the brooks and give the
.rout a chanoe?to be caught by anglers.
A lady, in describing to an irreverent
3oy an ooourrenoe in which his father
jgurcd, closed by remarking: " I am
;orry to say that the thing ended by
four father losing his temper." " Did
ather lose his temper ?" exclaimed the
>oung scapegrace: "then I hope he'll
lever And it again, for it was tho worst
.emper 1 ever heard of."
At a Ticliborne meeting held in Lonlou
recently, Mr. Onilford Onslow said
ie Lad addressed three hundred and Iffy-five
publio meetings on the subect.
Ho claimed that evidence bad
oeen secured sinoe the trial whereby
hey could trace Roger Tichborne s
movements from the time he left Engaud
to the moment he was recognised
\v Lis mother.
One day Bill had company to dine witl.
lim, and his wife, wishing William to
ippear well, quietly admonished him to
30 careful what he said. All went well
ill Bill got his potatoes well mashed,
Evlicn he said: "Dolly, parse the grease 1"
"Why, William," said his wife, " you
should call it gravy." "Wall," savs
Bill, ' I guess if I get it on yonr tablesloth
it would be grease." The ghests
shouted.
'lhe following was oopied literally
from an old tombstone in Scotland :
Hero lies the body of Alexander M'Pheraon,
Who was a very extraordinary person,
Who was two yards lrgb in bis stocking feet,
\tid kept bis accout6rments clean and neat,
He was slow
At the battio of Wateilco,
Plump tbrongb
11.o gullet; it went in at bis tbroat,
kud came out at tbe back of bis ooat.
A fashionable season at the watering
places is over, and when a couple of
city ladies who lived in the rear of their
dwelling all the summer meet on the
3t;eet they greet each other with:
"Why, how tanned you are! When did
you get back f" And they are just as
happy, apparently, as if they had squandered
a thousand dollars at Lxrog
Branch and had not stained their faces
with a certain preparation " with intent
to deceive."
An auctioneer relates the following :
A year or more the auctioneer had for
pale a lot of homeopathic medicines. All
tho: e medicines were dumped into one
pile and disposed of in one lot, there
being various kinds of medicine in the
mnsp. A boarding house keeper bonght
tho lot, and some days after the parchase
the auctioneer asked her: 44 What
did you want with tbe that homeopathio
medicine, Mrs. ?" Sho replied :
"1 thought I could use it, and it was
cheap, so I crushed it under the roller
and then tilled my sugar bowls with it.
The boarders seemed to like it, and especially
when powdered over pies."
A Mean Fellow.
At the little village of Barnegat-on-tlielludson
there was a ourions ending to
it courtship. For over a year a man
who is now the " managing director " of
i land speculation hod been paying his
addresses to the adopted daughter of an
ild farmer who was formerly a well
known commission merchant in New
Ifork. The old gentleman treated him
well, supposing that he wonld in time
become his daughter's husband, and all
went merry as a marriage belL The
Lothario proposed to the girl, was accepted,
and a day was set for the wedding.
All the friends ot the family were,
it course, deeply interested in the
match, and soon the swift revolving
wheels of time brought round what
thould havo been the auspicious day.
Hie guests had assembled, the feast was
spread, and came the holy man who was
to unite the twain in the golden ohain
of wedlock. Then oamo the olimax. At
the last moment the groom refused
point blank to beoome the husband,
alleginges the ODly cause of his infidelity
that "he did not love the girl
enough to make her his wife." This
was outrageous enough under all the
circumstances, but worse and more preposterous
followed, for the man had the
effrontery to tell the old and very infirm
father that as he "was out of money"
he would be greatly obliged if he might
stay at the house for a week or two, and
strangely enough his wish was granted
and he accepted the old man's hospitality.
Then he left, and the matter
dropped. A stranger series of domestic
peculiarities and a more sublime obeek
liavd seldom been seen on the footstool.