The tribune. (Beaufort, S.C.) 1874-1876, October 13, 1875, Image 1
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Till-] TRIBUNE.
VOL. I.?NO. 47. BEAUFORT, S. C., OCTOBER 13. 1875. $1.50 PER ANNUM.
Would Wake Up His Mind.
I wish ho would mako up his mind, ma,
For I do not care longer to wait;
I am sure I have hinted quite strongly,
That I thought about changing my state ;
For a sweetheart he's really so backward, 1
I can't bring him out, though I try ;
I own that he's very good tempered,
Dut then he's so dreadfully shy 1 I
When I speak about love in a cottage,
He gives mo a look of surprise ;
And if I but hint at a marriage,
He blushes quite up to hie eyes.
I can't make him jealous?I've tried it?
And 'tis no use my being unkind.
For that's not the way, I am oertain, ,
To get him to mako up his mind.
I've sung him love sonnets by dozens, j
I've worked him both slippers and hose, ^
And we've walked out by moonlight together ; ,
Yet he never attempts to propose !
Yon must really ask his intention, f
Or Borne other beau I must find; t
For indeed I won't tarry much longer 1
For one who can't make up his mind. 1
i
THE MIDNIGHT ROBBERS. i
Last night?yesterday being my seventeenth
birtlniny?we had a little musical
party. The people gone, we, having f
eaten np all the sandwiches and a box of
preserved cliorries, repaired to our re- ^
spectivo bedchambers, very tired, very
yawny, and rather cross, as is the way of ^
odd pooplo after too prolonged a spell of j
their fellow-creatures' society. .
" Susannah will lock up," said papa,
somewhere below his second stud.
" Very well," gaped mamma ; and the
door shut. ^
Now I suppose I was too much excited j,
to fall asleep easily, and for the last
tlireo days I havo been puzzling my E
brains to find out lio\v I had better have v
my new silk made. I don't care about
basques, and bustle skirts are my abomination
; auyhow, sleep I could not get. I ^
turned and twisted, and sat up and lay
down. No ; it was no good. At length,
however, I dozed off ; but through my
slumbers 3anie noises, strange grating ^
noises, as of flower-pots being moved, or
a fire being raked out. I took no notice. ^
I knew that Susannah did always rake
the lire out before she went to bed, so I
supposod she was performing that au- *
gust ceremony. But before long three 0
tremendous bangs at the hall door fairly
woke me up. I listened. "Was the house ^
on fire ? A minute, and scroop went a ^
window. 6
" Who's there ?" bawled papa. a
Somebody growled something. A v
policeman, I thought, and shook all
over. E
Then Susannah opened her door an
came running down stairs. Maria would 8
sleep through a railway accident. ?
" What is it?" said Aunt.Tane, coming '
out of her room, which is next to mine.
"Oh, don't yon trouble, 'm," answer- 8
ed Susannah ; "you go to bed. I'll see
to it;" and hurried on. I lay and
quaked. For a while all was quite still ?
?so still that I felt impelled to get up
and listen ; but barely had I reached the J
door when quite frightful sounds be- '
sieged my ears?sounds as of people
scuilling, mingled with screams. v
"Policeman!" I yelled. "Polioe- I
man?murder?fire !" Anything you v
like to mention.
Out daihed papa; out dashed Aunt d
Jano. v
"For goodness'sake," cried mamma, 'f
"don't go down like that; you'll be 'i
killed to a certainty. Why, you haven't
even got a poker !" s
I llaw to the tireplaco. 1
"Here," I said?"hero, papa!" and
thrust out the familiar implement. t
But he w.is gone.
I caught a glimpse of the tail of Aunt t
Jane's red flannel dressing-gown as it n
whisked round the turning. Our stair- s
case is a wonder. It seems to have g
wriggled out of the mind of the architect
who designed this tenement much as a
worm will out of a pea.
" What ever is the matter?" demanded d
I of mainma, who seemeiTfit to drop. 1
" He's run through the garden !" r
screamed Susannah. " Oh, tho rascal! \
Policeman I" a
"Good gracious!" gasped mamma, f
Through the hall tore a large and /
helmeted person in blue, and out at the
garden door. Out tore Susannah, s
Whether Aunt Jane joined in the chase a
I am not sure; but she has got bron- c
chitis. " r
"Spring your rattlel" roared papa,
who seemed to have secreted himself, 3
from feelings of modesty possibly, in 1
tho pantry. 3
The policemau sprung his rattle accordingly,
and having done so, seemed t
well satisfied. At. all events, he sneerHlv 1
came back again. t
"Have you got him?" inquired papa. '
" Lor, no, sir," says Susannah (who, g
I may hero mention, is our cook); " 'o's
gone arf a mile by this time. Eef this \
young man"?
" My dear woman," broke in our \
guardian of the peace, "is there no male
person in thin house, that you mnst \
needs go and willfully endanger your ?
precious life ?"
" Lor, yes," replied Susannah t
"there's master, ain't there *"
" Then," said the policeman, " I con- 1
sider it was your duty to let him como 1
down and soe what could be done." 1
' Of course, of course," said papa, (
coming out of his retirement, and seem- 1
ing to knock down a wine .glass. Mam- c
ma groaned, and clutched my arm dread- g
fully as she heard the smash. " You f
presume this man effected an entrance , t
through the kitchen window, police i
man ?" t
" Presume !" exclaimed Susannah,
who is a west "ountry woman, and as hot '
as a live c > ? '1 found the rascal \
'uddled up bc'iud the door. 'E'd opened
the window and pinned up the blind,
and I make no doubt was looking about i
for a knife just to cut all our throats. <
"Very likely," said the policeman, i
" There's some desperate bad characters
about. Why, only last night as I i
was"?
" Hadn't you bettor make a thorough !
search for the wretch ?" here came in
Aunt Jane. " He may have got under
the shed." 1
" Wliat shed, miss ?" inquired the '
policeman.
"Why, the tool-shed at the end of the |
garden, to be sure."
Aunt Jane detests beiug called " miss," '
uid cau't " abide a blockhead." 1
" My dear Jane," interposod papa, 1
" how could this good man know that ? '
[f you will wait a miuute, policeman, I'll '
go and get on some clothes and come
ivithyou."
" Very good, sir," said the policeman; j
uid up stairs papa came, lookiug more
lingular perhaps than ever he did in his
if? before. His appearance, however,
oeing rather picturesque than elegant, I
vill here draw a veil.
No soonor was he in sight than mamma
jecame hysterical.
"Oh, Hotspur," cried she, "the silrer!"
aud fell back on my shoulder with
iucIi weight that I took up a sitting portion
ou tho floor.
"Jane," called papa, "come and see
o these two foolish creatures. Get up,
roil donkeys. Why, the fellow's gone!
lore's nothing to be frightened at now.
! aud tho policuinau are going to scour
he neighborhood."
"Help mamma," I panted; "she is
lying!"
"Indeed, Jane," said mamma, "I
mew it would come to that, sooner or
ater."
"Well," said Aunt Jane, who had just
aade her appearance, "and what in the
rorld is all this about ? Just get up at
?nce, Amelia!"
" Mamma's hysterical," I said. " Has
he man taken anything?"
" We don't know."
" But the silver's safe ?"
"Yes," said papa; "at least it was
ive minutes ago."
" Thank God !" said my mother, and
ook a fresh lease of life.
Much relieved, I summoned courage
o get a shawl and a pair of slippers, and
reep down stairs. Tho gns was lit in
he passage and dining room. I could
lear voices in the kitchen. Afraid of
he sound of my own feet even, I listend
a little to assure myself that no new
larm need be apprehended, and this
pas what I overheard : ?
Policeman?" There's nothing I adair?
more than spirit anywhere."
Susannah?" I don't know much about
nirit. I wish I knew what was come
f that there latchkey. If that's gone ^
twill bo a pretty job."
Policoinau?" I suppose, now, you've
;ot a fairish place ?"
Susannah?" That I 'ave !"
Policeman ?" Put you're not the only
no." f
Susannah?"Bless you, 110; there's t
laria, she's the 'ouse-maid ; and Jem, {
8 cleans the knives and shoes." 1
Policeman?" I see." Well, you're a c
wonderful good-plucked un, any'ow.
llowed if I should 'avo cared to do a
irhat you did ! '
Susannah?"I dare say not. You ?
lidu't seem in a great 'urry to come
rhon I called you. I thought you'd j
ive jumped in at the window. You'd
live caught 'im then." f
Policeman?Not I. 'E's been at this j
ort of game for the last seveu years.
?hat's a nice "? <
But here an eldritch screech rang
hrottgh the house. t
It wits I ! Mouton, the cat, had
aken advantage of my abstraction to aount
the balusters and jump 011 to my 1
houlder. Tho shock was terrific. I 1
hook like a jelly. I
'Bless me I" cried Auut Jane,
1 wlint.'n t.liA maUi?r linm 2"
" I toll you," bawled papa, hurrying t
Iowa, ou vengeance bent, "I won't ^
iuvo such folly. Qo off into the dining- \
oom and shut the door, or to bed, which
'ou like ; but?but behave yourself like
i rational creature, or not another new
;own do you have for the next ten years.
Lnd now, policeman, to the chase." 1
" I do wish," said Susannah, as they i
et off, "that they'd 'ave let me go <
long with 'em. I'm sure I conld get i
>ver the fences a vast deal easier than 1
nuster, and as for seein' in the dark "? i
" Oh no, Susaunah," I said, "don't 1
rou loavo us on my account. What a
nercy the man didii't hurt you! Did f
rou try to catch hold of him ?" 1
" Lor, yes, miss; seized 'is coat, and
ried to tear a bit out with all my might. <
i'd 'ave clawed 'is face well, if 'e'd at- l
empted to lay a linger on me ; but when
e looked that scared, the coward?well,
oine'ow, I couldn't mislest 'im." 1
"No, to be sure not," said mamma, i
vho had just shivered herself down. <
' It is all for the best. We ought to be
rery thankful." t
Aunt June vowed that she'd buy a rerolver
to-morrow, and practice shooting
it a mark two hours every morning, and
?Susannah discovered that sho knew f
he man as well as she knew me. 1
"Why, sir," said she, washing her 1
lands, when papa and the polioeman t
lad returned to shako their heads and
ament the uselcssnessof their endeavors
they had trampled down goodness t
mows how many cabbages, smashed a 1
incumber framo, and upset a bee-hive? i
ill belonging to our neighbors?to no
Mirtlily purpose)?" why, sir," said 1
iu?auuah, "I'm most certain'tis that i
nan who used to work at Mason's, the
lil shop."
"You don't say so!" said papa.
"That man?why, I thought he was
meld to the milkboy 1" 1
" So ho is, sir," said the policeman.
1' And that boy, sir, 's nothing much to
speak of. I hear that his master's very
doubtful of him. We expect to give him
a night's lodging beforo long."
"Dear me," said mamma ; " why it
seems that the air teems with thieves !"
" I shouldn't much care about the
air," remarked Aunt Jane; it's the earth
I'm concerned with."
Whereupon we all felt bound to laugh;
and tho policeman, saying that we
should " have some one down " in the
morning, backed out into the passage
to have a little privato conversation with
3usannali about the man who used to
work at Mason's, tho oil shop, and thence
into the street. A little while, and we
were all in bed again, and the house
done up as tight as a drum or a sardine
tin.
To-day, from the first peep of dawn,
i. half-past nine a. m., when I woke,
till now, four o'clock in the afternoon,
Susannah has been "giving particulars."
First caino two detectives, " wonderful
due men both," she tells me, but the
ane with a Roman nose is most to her
iasto ; then the owners of the cabbages
ind the cucumber framo aud bee-hive,
die latter a stout littlo old gentleman in
jlack aud a shovel hat, and a tremendous
mssiou. I'apa went and had it out
vitli him; and having spluttered and
clustered away till they were tired, they
nade it up, nud finally set oil", arm in
irm, to search for footsteps. One was
ouud on an asli-heap, and immediately
:overed up with a basket, as if it was
tl ive and would run away. Since thr n
he bell and knocker have had a stifiish
imo of it. Jem, our boy, was given
lie first number of Funny Folks, and
old to sit in the hall on purpose to play
lorter, Maria declaring that her legs
rould snap under her if she had much
nore running. Let a man own but a
mtato, he must needs set off here post
laste to know if the thief could have
led over it. When the last ring came?
t was the thirty-second ; I counted
hem?I Baid to Aunt Jane : " What in
he world can this man have come
houtf"
" My dear," said she, " he is the proud
inssessor of lialf a Brussels sprout."
December 2.?Nothing is known.
Susannah has been confronted with the
nan who works at Mason's. She says
te is not at all like what she thought,
aid not the least like uiir burglar. The
ioman-nosed detective calls every t wo
lours, aud seldom stays less than one.
December 3.?This morning the
ioman-nosed one camo to take Susaniah
to seo a uiau who was painting a
louse in Campbell terrace. It occupied
liree hours. This evening the fish was
l sliapele-is wreck, owing to this ornauent
of his native land having come in,
ust as dinner should have been served,
o ascertain the precise color of our
mrglar's coat.
December 4.?The milkboy has been
irrostod. Wo are all agog. Wo feel
o certain sometliiug will be found out
low.
December 5.?Nothing has been
omul out; bnt this moruiug, after
tinmma lmd ordered dinner, Susannah
uformed her that she should like to
eavo at Christmas, if she could make it
sonvenient.
" Leave 1" said mamma, looking
istonished. "Whys'
"Well, 'm," simpered Susannah,
* I'm going to bo married."
"Indeed!" said mamma. "I hope
rou have made a good choice."
" I think so, 'm," was the smiling
mswer; " leastways, so far as I can
udge."
" And who is it i" inquired my mother.
"Not the baker ?"
"Lor, no, 'm," said Susannah, getiug
quite red. " The baker, indeed !"
" I'll tell you, mother," said I, sagely
?I was teaching Monton to beg for a
ioeoauut drop by tho fire?"it's the
Lvomoii-uoseu ueiecwve. rsow isn t it,
Susannah ?"
Susannah smiled.
So if our burglar did nothing else?a
uxpenuy-bit and four postage stamps
were all he got?he has contrived to rob
is of our cook.
Waiting for a t'ave.
Within two or three miles of Yickajurg,
Miss., a merchant, who had busiaess
in the country, came to a small
;reek, beside which a native was wasling
his shirt. The man was sousing
lis garment up and down and around,
vnd as he " Housed" ho whistled a
nerry tune.
" Do you have to wash your own
diirts f" inquired the merchant, as he
iialted.
'Not alius, but old Bet. has got ono
)' her lits on jest now," was tho ready
reply.
" Then you don't agreo very well?"
" Purty well as a gineral tiling. Bet's
dnd o' mulish, and I'm kind o' mulish,
ind when we git our backs up wo claw
>ff to seo who'll cave first."
"I sliouhl think you would wantsomo
joap."
'* I do."
" Why don't you get it then
" That would be caving to Bet,
it ranger. She's squatted on tho only
ait of bar soap 'tween hero and Vicks
jurg, mm sue ? jumi. ucuiug to nave 1110
slide up and ask her for it."
" And you won't?"
" Stranger," replied the native, an he
straightened up, "don't I look liko a
toller who'd wear one shirt three months
ifore I'd cave in and holler for soap ?"
Tins merchant sided with him, and as
lie dro\ e on, the man soused the shirt up
md down and whistled:
I'm gwiue up the river?
llenr nie holler."
Sport on the St. Lawrence?Shooting
;he rapids.
Detroit Free Press Currency.
A Chicago clergyman says he neve
was so familiar with Satan as when riilin
over a cobblestone pavement.
"Does advertising pay?" Well, yo:
just advertise the opening of a freelunc
establishment and wait results.
Quail, which of late years have boe
very scarce in Connecticut, are this yea
expected to be very plentiful.
The moral of the failure of the Cali
forma Hank seems to be: Don't try t
spread yourself over too many eggs.
When they catcli a man gatherini
Delaware peaches at midnight they pre
serve whatever good traits he has in hie
by shooting half a pint of salt into hi
| legs.
a ueauuiiu onn jprancisco girl lnus be
come 11 maniac, the result of " cram
ming" for her school exhibition. He
last school report reads : " Highly dis
tiuguished in her classes."
There is one town in New Euglam
that claims to be entirely happy am
good. It is Eaton, in New Hampshire
There is not a physician, doctor, lawyer
drinking saloon or pauper ill the place
Be guarded in your conversation
There are times when you may freel;
express your opiuion 011 a political can
didate, but you had better wait until hi
friends are over in the next count;
visiting.
If there is anything^hat will cause th
belated night-wanderc r to hasten liom
and take his scolding liko a man, it i
to pass a beer saloon, and catch the soul
harrowing strains: '' Darling, I an
growing old."
How to "Wake Up.
A medicnl writer does not approvi
of the old doctrine which formerly wa
instilled into the minds of children?
that they should spring out of bed tin
instant they are awake in the morning
He says up to eighteen years old ever
child should be allowed to rest in bed
after the sleep is over, until they feel a
if they would rather get up than not. I
is a very great mistake for persons oh
or young?especially children, or seden
tary persons?to" bounce out of bed a
the moment they wake up; all the in
stincts shrink from it, aud fiercely kicl
against it. Fifteen or twenty minutei
spent in gradually waking \ip, after tin
eyes art; upoueu, uuu in turning ovei
mul stretching the limbs, do as much a
gooil sounil sleep, because the operation
s< t the blood in motion by degrees, tend
ing to equalize the circulation; for dui
iug sleep the blood tends to stagnation
the heart beats feebly and slowly, and h
shock the system by bouncing up in ni
instant and sending the blood in over
whelming quantity to the heart, causing
it to assume a gallop, where the instant
before it was a creep, is the greatest ah
surdity. This instantaneous bouncing
out of bed as soon as the eyes are opei
will be followed by a weariness loiq
before noon.
Answering Letters.
A great many people in this countn
are shamefully negligent about answer
ing letters. Nothing is more annoying
In European countries it is regarded ai
the height of ill-breed ing to allow a let
ter which needs a reply to go unanswer
ed, and so it ought to be considerei
here. This is a point on which parent
should lay great stress to their children
They should be taught to consider it ni
rude not to reply to a letter which needi
attention as to hand a fork with tin
prong end. The busiest people are gen
erally those who are the most exact ii
this respect. The late Duke of Welling
ton, who, it will bo admitted, had agooi
ileal on his hands at different times o
his lif?- riinlt'pil t.r> <>Vfirv lfttnr nn mot
tor from how humble a source. Once i
clergyman, who lived in a distant pavto
the kingdom, wrote his grace, on whon
neither ho nor his parish had a shadov
of claim, to beg for a subscription t(
rebuild a church. By return of mai
came back a letter from the duke to th<
effect that ho really could not seo why ii
the world ho should have been appliet
to for such an object; but the parsoi
sold the letter as an autograph for 85
and put the duke down for that amonn
among the subscribers.
A Blast Against Car Toddlers.
Would any other people in the worl<
quietly bear to have every ten miuutei
a hideous J)ay'a Doinys spread ove
their laps, a package of nasty "priz<
candy " given to their charge, a paper o
peanuts or pop-corn thrust into thei
hands, '' ivory that grows on trees " pn
under their noses?but why go on witl
the catalogue? Everybody who travel:
knows the nuisance; every lady wh<
takes a fleeting nap in a car has beei
rudoly awakened by a greasy nove
flung upon her bosom; every gentlemai
lias been blackguarded for allowing hi
precious package of prize candy to droj
upon the floor. I once heard, say
Bayard Taylor, the gentle protest of i
Italy, but the young ruflian answered
11 Yon needn't bo afraid of 'em?the
won't bite you !" In fact, since the fel
lows are licensed by tho railroad com
panies, they have a certain protection
and consider themselves justified in tliei
treatment of passengers, who must b
bullied into buying. I am not surprise!
at them; but the abject submission o
their victims is an over-renewed marvel
" A dollar is a large price for a water
melon," said a purchaser to a vender o
this fruit, as ho was paying for one tin
other evening. "You wouldn't thinl
j so, mister," said the dealer, "if you luu
set on the fence with a shotgun in youi
I hand every night for three weeks, watch
I iug tho patch."
A take Captain.
sr The Cleveland Leader gives the folg
lowing brief sketch of the hfe of Captain
Scott, the owner of the sunken steamer
u Equinox: Captain Dwight Soott, who
h went down with the ill-fated Equinox,
wns about fifty-three years old, and came
to this city from Connecticut when a
little more than twenty yeais of age.
r For several years after coming to Cleveland
he followed the trade of a painter,
and did much in the way of painting
? vessels. In this business he was so successful
that twenty years ago he was able
g to purchase an interest in a vessel,
i- which he then repaired and named Gov
a ernor uusiiman, in lionor of a governor
s of Connecticut by that name, with whom
ho lived when a boy, and whose memory
. he held in the highest esteem. Captain
. Scott, in addition to the Conhman and
r Equinox, was formerly owner of the C.
i_ D. Caldwell and the Ironside, which was
blown up nearly threo years ago at BnfI
fulo. In the management of these voej
sels ho spent the greater part of the time
since 1855, always sailing with them
I' when on the lakes, and spending his
' winters either at his residence on Cove
avenue, in ltockport, just beyond the
city limits, or in Detroit. He was not a
y professional lake captain, and never at"
tempted to command a vessel, but re8
coived the title of "Captain" from his
y love for the water and his long connection
with the traffic of the lakes. He left
e Cleveland at the opening of navigation
e last spring, since when he has not visits
ed liia homo. His business was between
i- Saruiu and Chicago, and was of a gena
eral character. Captain Scott was a
widower, and had but one child, Minnie,
a young lady in her nineteenth year,
who went down with the ill-fated vessel.
She was a student in the convent at Deb
troit, where she entered three years ago,
8 remaining then for only a year. At the
- expiration of this time she returned
a home and passed a year in the Cleveland
. convent, when she went back to Detroit
Y and remained till the close of the school
, year in July. She then joined her
s father on the lakes for the purpose of
t passing her vacation, as was her wont.
I oho was accompanied by a daughter of
- Capt. Scott's stepson, who now resides
t at the residence near the Melrose House.
- This young lady was fifteen years old.
c. and was about to enter the Detroit cons
vent with her elder companion. Both
9 were ladies of rare endowments of heart
r and mind, and leave many in this city to
a lament their sad and uutimely end. Pers
sonally, D wight Scott was a genial,
a whole-souled gentleman, who enjoyed
tho company of friends and acquain,
tances, and possessed a natural love for
9 the water.
Stonewall Jackson.
J Itev. Florence McCarthy, of Chicago,
who knew Stonowall Jackson intimately,
has given some personal incidents of
> him. He says: One comical peculiarity
of Jackson was his talent for going to
? sleep. When I lived iu Lexington it
was a well-known fact flint the major,
notwithstanding his punctilious attendance
at church, had never heard Dr.
f White preach. About tho time that the
- second hymn was sung he invariably
went to the land of nod, whence he reR
turned only when aroused by tho last
- hymn. It was said that this habit was
- the efleet of disease, and could not be
1 helped. It followed him all through
3 lift?, and I saw him yield to it once in
the army. On one Sunday, somewhere
3 in eastern Virginia, I remember attend3
ing a preaching service in front of Gen.
3 Jackson's headquarters. The general
- sat at the preacher's right hand on a
3 backless camp stool. As the sun was
- very hot and there was no shade, he held
1 his cap in his right hand between liis
f i......1 .....1 n... I-*? 1
ULUU IU1U I/Iic Dim, iiin icvnuill^ IIUL per
inittiiig him to place it on liis head, oh
? many others did theirs. With his hand
f elevated iu that way, ho peacefully
i glided off into dreamland and slept within
out moving his arm or nodding once,
> until the noise of the closing exercises
1 startled him into consciousness again.
3 The truth is, Qen. Jackson always looki
oil as if ho were asleep ; and even when
1 walking he had the appearauceof a somi
uambulist.
? It was said that on one occasion a
t number of the cadets of the Virginia
military institute, of which Jackson was
a professor, mounted the barracks at the
hour when Jackson had to walk under
. the eaves of the house, anil dropped
brickbats in front of him as he walked
H along, endeavoring to see how near they
r could come to his head without hitting
J it. As this trick was played at the immediate
risk of killing the innocent pro.
feasor, it would hardly be believed that
tlio cadets would practice it, unless the
* reader was first informed that these caR
dets were generally reckless, riotous,
3 irresponsible, and unscrupulous desI
poradoes. It is said that they succeeded
admirably in making all the bricks
1 graze Prof. Jackson's nose. But to their
s utter surprise the major did not lookup,
' nor around, nor quicken his paco at all.
H He possessed such extraordinary nerve
\ and determination that ho treated the
j whole performance with icy contempt.
Imagine His Feelings.
. While a Detroit ferry-boat was crowdr
ed a hat belonging to one of the ladies
0 blow off and alighted in the river. Many
1 persons cried out in alarm, and a young
f man who was aching for a chance to do
something heroic imagined that a woman
had fallen overboard, and lie dropped
- his hat and soused into the water. He
f got the hat, and after a great deal of
* trouble the deck-hands got him, and hh
c they pulled him on deck and tore his
1 coat tails off, and rolled his vest up un
r der his chin, and scraped his back on a
- plank, a hundred people remarked:
44 Haw ! haw! haw !"
The Blameless Land.
He watched a beautiful bubble of fame ;
It floated upward and broke.
He dreamed a dream of a world without blame;
It van imbed away when he woke.
Bat oat of the babble a precious tear
Fell eoft on his fekvered hand;
And the memory of the dream was dear
As a glimpse of the blameless land.
Items of Interest,
Nevada is overran with rabbits.
A philosopher presents the following
general deductions from his observations
at a picnic :
One ordinary handkerchief is not large
enongh for two persons to sit upon at
one and the same time.
According to the census there are 17,305
more females than males in Boston.
And still we are not happy!?Boston
Post.
It is easy enongh to imitate Josh Billings?thus:
Doant karroy eggs in your
coattale pocket. Egs aint good after
they've bin sot on awhile.
About 95,000,000 feet of logs have
been rafted down the Penobsoot river,
Maine, this season, and the booms are
now clear for the first time in eighteen
years.
The girl who will fly in terror to the
arms of her escort at sight. of a toad,
will, if she happens npon a snake by
herself, deliberately catch it by the tail
nnrl inrlr ifn linnrl nff
The late Mr. Singer, of sewing
machine fame, used to dress each one of
Ms men servants in a different livery,
and on one oooaaion he undertook to
drive six horses three abreast.
There onoe was a time in the good long aga
When 'twas modestly said " she's two strings
to her bow."
But the Portland girl thinks 'tis hardly the
thing
Unless she can say "I've two beanx on the
string."
There 1 we knew the day would oome
some time. An Englishman has been
sentenced to three months in jail for
stealing an umbrella on a rainy day.
And now?if we oonld only find the
honnd that played us the same trick a
while ago.
Some burglars, upon entering a house,
blew out the lights and tied the oooupants
in different parts of the room.
One took it to heart Badly, and exclaimed:
" Oh, I'm undone 1 I'm undone Upon
which another replied: " TUB come
and undo me."
The Colorado beetle, the advent of
which has been so much dreaded in Enggleud,
has not yet made its appearanoe
in that GOuutiji HOa clnc nliGio &u 2u~
rope. The unpreoedentedly wet weather
in July has been very destructive to the
potato crop in Britaiu.
An officer in the army laughed at a
timid woman beoause she was alarmed
at the noise of a cannon when a salute
was fired. He subsequently married
that timid woman, and six months afterwards
he took of his boots in the hall
when he came in late at nights.
" Nobody rides over thepotatoes that
way, my good "woman." This was what
a French peasant near Sassetot said to a .
lady on horseback, who, to get out of the
sun a little, rode across a field in the
slrndow of some trees. But he didn't
know it was the empress of Austria.
Colfax has faith in woman's ability to
keep a secret. He says: "Out of all
the sixty thousand women who have belonged
to the Daughters of Rebecca, he
had never known one to break faith;
and he protested against the miserable,
worn-out, stereotyped theory of the world,
that woman cannot keep a secret."
Polly Ooe, a colored woman, has just
died at Somerville, Tenn., aged one hundred
and fifteen. She was a cook in the
American army during the war of 1812.
She helped make the brick and saw the
lumber for the court-houses at Somerville,
Covington and Brownsville. Columbia,
da., pretends to have a negro
one hundred and twenty-five years old.
The discovery of a Chicago woman ia
liow to eat a peach at tho table graoefully.
Oat the peach open in the middle,
and remove the pit. Hold one of the
halves in the left hand, and use a spoon
to scoop ont the pnlp and oarry it to the
month. Thns the fingers are not soiled,
and the bother of feeling is avoided.
No patent upon this devioe lias been obtained.
The banks of the Connecticut river are
being protected in places where the current
washes them awsy? by oovering
them with matting. The mats are woven
about two feet thick, and sixty feet
long by fifteen wide, of underbrush; and
are towed into poiition, sunk so as to
extend from above high water mark to
below low water mark; and covered with
stones and gravel.
Tho Davenport (la.) Gazette says that
two women have been traveling through
that State selling corsets. Indeed,"
adds that journal, ' their anxiety to give
ladies a perfect fit aud the insiguifioant
reward they Asked for their servioes excited
suspicion. Now not a lady in Iowa
will admit that she has bought corsets
iu six months, while the two peddlers
have resumed male attire and occupy a
a dismal oell in jail."
Tho mistress of a summer boarding- '
1 irvnan in an in^nriav fnwn fltnlincr Knv.
self one day qnite at leisure, in consequence
of the absence of her patrons on
un excursion, repaired to a neighbor's
for a chat. " I should think yon would
feel lonesome to have yonr lxmrdere away
so," said her neighlx>r. Well," she
replied, "I do feel kinder lonesome;
l>et it's a good lonesome, It seems as it
did when 1 was fast a widrfer."