The southern enterprise. [volume] (Greenville, S.C.) 1854-1870, April 19, 1860, Image 1
^ ^ W ? - ~ ^ . -f,
.A. REFLEX OF POTULAIt EVENTS.
la progress, (he JSights of $ouflt, ami the giffusioit af Useful gtitmcMge among all glasses of
VOLt^ - GREENVILLE, SOUTH CAROLINA, THURSDAY MORNING, AfRIL 19, I860. ' ^ MUOTER 30^
THESOUTHERN ENTERPRISE
V tx$v u 9r*rr ftanda? Mocain*. tfr
M* JUNK IN A BAILEY,
PROPRIETOR?.
? O. X. MeJanltln. ? . . . John O. Sailer.
91 ft Year, In advanoe; 9150* if delayed
I
dDriginnl ^nrtrtj.
"T 1
won. TUB OOTHBRN KTBRFIUBIt.
Hove.
Within the precinet of a chnrch-yard, lonely
AU OIU UMI, 1*#u ??
Beside the grave of hia doad hop**, woa sitting,
lad ri|hia| life away.
Ill* withered Am upon hi| thin band reeled,
A*d thro' hto finger* (tolr,
In rjOlcV oeeSxlen, tear* of biUor anguish,
Wrung from bis weary aouL
A Mule child, with brow of gentle beauty.
And tswder vielot eye?
A free with *alul and ehernh sweetly blended,
Went softly singing hy>
0, Qod is good," the little maiden murmured,
In tones of rapture low?' ,
44 There U no sorrow on the earth'* wide bosom,
Or pang of mortal woe.
Bat Christ ean heal it with hit loving kindness?
His sorrow-stricken band
Of weary safaris,.shall yet wear erowns of glory,
Wrought by hi* own dear band.
In oar blest Promis'd Land there is a city?
A golden city, fair?
With giorioo*mansions, homes of untold beanty,
Ana J mux reigneth there.
And thitherward oar mortal feet in landing,
Thither we haste amain,
In tboee sweet homer, ell the deer friend that
lowed no,
Shall be with w again.
For O, the grave tU Iron jawe iball open,
And each lost form shall eland
Clothed once again with life, and strength, and
boaaty,
At oar dear Lord's command.
And never more our loving lips shall alter
The mournful parting word;
Per death can come not there, and grease
and eighing,
Shall ne'er again be heard."
VrsaUUg, the hoary man his dim eye lifted,
In manners weak and ead?
- lie sighed, " where is the blessed home, sweet
maiden,
Whoso vision makes thee glad 7
Whore is the lovely oily, in whoso mansions
You hope to meet once more,
With the dear lost ones, whose long buried eshes
The nod has freshened o'er 7
?In Heaven," the mM replied. " sweet, blissfal
Heaven,
Over v/hoee portals fair
Oar risen Lord ha* passed?the Prinoe of glory?
Oar mansions to prepare 1
Home?far beyond the sold and silent river,
The ashes and the sod !
Home?where the cbtystal stream is flowing ever
From 'neath the it rone of Ood 1"
LAURA GWIN.
Greenville, April fltb, I860.
Jfltsrtllnntotts H railing.
BT BEQUiOST.
Co&ffreefitional Slneinc.
Wn at* gratified to fild that the subject of
congregational singing U beginning to oecnpy
the attention of Christian people who, on Sabbath
"day, are accustomed to attend the sanctuary.?
The farce which has been so long acted, and subetitated
for this delightful pert of religious worship,
Is nearly played out. We refer to the performance
of the choir. In almost every congregation
these representative singers perform come
difficult piece of music, which not one of the eongregstioa
sen touch ; and tills is ealled singing
to the praise end glory of Qod. Alee! we think
it would be much nearer the truth, to cell It singing
to the praise and glory of young ladies, and
joong gentlemen. What a burieeqne snoh a
performance must appear to angels, If indeed
they condescend to witness it. Nor can' it be
lees co la the estimation of htiroen beings who
teke a common sense view of the subject. How
widely different to those of the present dsy were
the views of congregational singing expressed
by Dr. WatU:
".Lord, how deligbtfal 'tis to see
A whole MismM* worship thee ;
At ones they sing, at onos they pray?
They hear ef heaven and learn the way,"
If that stored bard oould be awakened from
his peaceful filumbere, and cuter almost any of
oar churches now, he wouid have to alter hU
verse to like the following:
Oh ! bow rldlrulon? 'tU to aee
A* Mwlimot sitting silently ;
When praise should all their voices fire?
They ilaid; glance np to the oholr.
We do not, however, mean to treat the eobjeet
liffhly or etlrieaily, bat rather seriously, as it is
one which demand* the devout consideration of
*11 eober minded Christiana. We think that
all who attend the aervleee of Ood'a bouse slionld,
to the best of their ability, join in each part of
religious worship; not only should ihey offer
prayer* to God secretly with those of the ministor,
but should audibly mingle praise la singing.
This is dee to the God of all their msrciae. * O,
oomo," aaith the sweet singer In Israel, "let im
sing en to the Lord a aew song ) let us make a
joyful noise nnto the roek of our salvation. Let
a* eome before bis preseaee with thanksgiving
g?d show ourselves glad la him with songs."?
Slag unto the Lord a new song and hi* praise
in tiit congregation of sainto." Praise formed *
a Ytry promtnet part in tlit religious worship of h
tba Old Testament saints. Ifor were the early ti
Christians lets observant of this delightful Clirie- tl
tian exercise. The apostle exhorts them to a
praise Ood in pslams and hymns and spiritual f<
songs, singing and making melody In their hearta
unto tha Lord. And on the memorable night in ?
which the Redeemer was betrayed the last act tl
of worahip in which ha engaged with hie dis- tl
cipiee after eupper, just before going to the gar- *
den of Gethseraane, was that of singing a by mo. n
Oh I could the silent Christians of the present c
day but have listened to that last plaintive, I
touohing, yet inspired song, they would be more F
willing to join in singing the praises of the Most C
High, even when their hearts are tiaged with
sadness and their feelings oppressed with painful r
forebodings. Or cotild they but have listened to e
Paul and 6ilss in the durgeon at midnight, ting- r
ing praises to Ood, they would be disposed, when
in trouble, to imitate these inspired prison song- *
eters. Moreover, If it were possible for tliem to n
liesr the music of that mighty redeemed congregation
before the great white throne, aa it floats ^
on the breeze, tliey would be inspired to praise
the Lord with their voices in the congregation of
the aeinta below. If this part of religioua wor- r
ship he neglected, we think the services offered
to Ood In the sanctuary become exceedingly do- 11
feotive, and peenliary lacking in interest. n
Undoubtedly there are several things which '
have hitherto eouspired to retard the prsotice of
congregational singing, but the most prominent K
of theae hindrances is the existence of a choir
and the difficult music generally employed by
them. The fine old tnues so full of music, and so
admirably adapted to the worship of Ood, which 8
were emj^oyed by Christians in former tia.ee, fl
are nearly expunged from the congregation now,
and in thoir place fantastic, operatic, comic, un
inspiring, undcvotional tunc# are sulwtituted.*Who
is there among ua that heard the "Old
V.IL.IK .? . iL.i 1: J * ? 1 r 1 ' -
rums cuDcen ioni uia noi wish ior rtfivii in r
our churches of tboss fine old tunes, to grand, so c
devotional, and in wlilch all the congregation h
could join? The leader of a choir supposes that a
in order to make the ainging interesting, new n
tunes must be constantly introduced. Nothing
could be more absurd than such a practice; for
bow oaa the people join in oingiag a tune they
never heard l?efore t The celebrated Robt. Hall '
once said ; "A new tune is almost as bad at n
new Gospel* There are some good old tunes ,
we should like to join in singing every Sabbath
day. We are glad to find tl??t an edition of The
Pealmiat with music to each hymn, has recently
been issued by Gould A Lincoln, in which arc
many of the tunes our fathers delighted to slog.
We hope every congregation will use iU
A Game Dinner.
We heard an arousing story the other dsy, of
a novel feast, that we don't recollect ever to
have seen in print. It is too good to ho loot, and
although it will certainly lose in our telling, we
may succeed in giving the point.
Shortly after the war with Great Brilian. an
aristocratic English gentleman built a residence
in the vicinity of Fort George, on the Niagara
frontier, and, in accorddanca with the old country
idea, nf exclnsiveness, he enclosed his ground
with a high tight fence. Here he lived like an
old English gentleman, (one of the olden time,)
with the exception that none tut the elite of the
province ana me oracers 01 me gamson were fc
permitted to pass hie gate. Hiere was a very t
good understanding between the American ofli- f
cere at Fort Niagara and the Briliah at Fort ,
George, and the men ware permitted occasional- r
)y to visit back and forth. Among the American |
soldiers was a queer chap who stuttered terribly, ?
was Tery fond of hunting, and who was always ]
getting Into every sort of mischief. i
One day this chap took the small boat that ,
lay moored at the foot of the walls of the fort, 'i
and erossed over to tha Canadian shora for a <
hunt. Ha wandered over several miles in the <
rear of Fort George, without meeting any game, ;
and on his return, seeing a crow on a tree in the (
enclosure of the arristocratio Englishman, he
scaled the high fence, fired and brought down his |
game. ,
Colonel, or whatever hie title might have been
?wa will call him Colonel, any how?witnessed
the transection, and advanced while our soldier ,
was re-loading. He was very angry, but erring
the Yankee standing coolly with a loaded gun in
his hand, he gulped down his passion for a momont,
and merely aaked him if he killed the
erow.
The soldier replied that ha did.
" I am sorry," said the Colonel, " for he was a
pet. By-the-bye, that is a very pretty gun.?
Will you be so kind aa to let me look at it I"
The soldier complied with the request. The
Englishman took the gun, stepped back a few
paces, took deliberate aim, and then brok forth
la a tirade of abuse, concluding with an order to
stoop down and take a bite of the crow, or he
would blow his brains out-. The soldier explain
ad, apologized, and entreated. It was of bo use.
The Colonel kept hie finger on the trigger, end
he sternly repeated hie commend.
There wee shoot in the Englishman's eyethere
was no help for it?and the stuttering sol*
dier stooped and took a bite of the erow, hot
swallow it he ehuld not Up came hie breakfast
?hie dinner the day before, end it really appeared
as it he would throw up hie toe nails. The
Englishmen gloated an the misery of his victim,
and smiled complaoently at every additional
heave.
When he had got through vomiting and wiped
his eyes, the Colonel handed him tho gun, with
tha remark:
"Now, you rascal, that will teaeh yon bow to
poa?h on a gentleman's sreinsure
( Tha Tanks* soldier took hie ran, and tha Colonel
might have aaan the devil in hit eye if he
( had looked cloae. Stepping btck, he took dclib
rata aim at the heart of his boat, aud ordered
itn instantly to finish the crow. Angry expos,
illation, prayers and entreaties were nscleaa, f
hings. There was shoot in the American's eye ,
a there had been in the Englishman's eye be*
>re.
There was no help at hand, and be took a bits
f the crow. One bite was enough to send all
be good dinners he had Intely eaten on
lie same journey with the garrison fare of the
oldier ; and while tho Englishman wan in an ago
y of sickness Jonathan escaped to the Amerlan
shore.
The next morning early the commandant at
'ort Niagara was silting In his quarters, when
Jol. wns announced.
"Sir," eaid Col. , " I cotne to demand the
unlshment of one of your men, who yesterday
ntercd my premises and committed n great out*
I e*
age."
* Wo hare three hundred men hero, nod it
rou'.d be difficult for me to know who you
lean," said the American officer.
The Englishman described him as a long,
angling, stuttering, atooped-ahouldered deril.
11 Ah ! I know who yon mean," said the officer ;
he It nlwaya getting into mischief. Orderly,
all Tom.
In a few moments Tom entered and stood at
ttention as straight as his naltirul build woujd
How, while not a trace of einotiou was visible
n his countenance.
"Tom," said his officer, "do jou know this
ei.lleinan ?"
" Ye-ye-yet, sir."
" Where did yon ever see him before ?"
" M-I," said Tom, stuttering awfully, hut refining
the grave expression naturally to his
?co, "Id di-di-dined with him yesterday."
We believe Tom was not punished.
Eev. James Dannelly.
That summer we had a camp meeting. I don't
ecollect much about it, except that my father
me to see us, bringing messages of love from
ipme, and good tilings put up by Mother's band*.
ind that old Mr. Dannelly was the gcnerallissido
on the ground. I must say something of
lim, for he was a character. His voice was fine
et strong, like the sonod that oomea from eharpning
a croaa cut saw on a cold, clear morningChe
picture of Captain Webb, the British soldier
ind early Wesleyan preacher, reminds me of
ames Dannelly?stout in body, short, broad,
lourageous faces, both. True Webb lacked an
ive, but Dannelly matched that In the Inch of a
eg. Ills wooden leg was a feature. Its resolute
hump, thump on the floor was expressive of de:Uion.
When he put his foot down, it was there
?especially his wooden one. On it he wheeled
with tremendous force, in the sharp appeals that
lis shrill voice rang out to saints and sinners, on
.he right and on tire left. In one of his rounds,
?o saw -h prescher, who had just got off a sernon,
lounging on a bed with coat off. "Ah I
hat's the way with you preachers generally:
seed a short row, and then lie down." He hated
ohacco in all its uses, especially smoked?"This
naking chimneys of your mouths and noses." j
Seeing a dandy puffing a cigar at the tent door, |
?e reproved liim. "Oh, Mr. Dannelly, excuse
ne ; a friend gave me this." "Mistaken, sir ; an
icqttaintanc*. you mean." lie had a Wnj- all his
>wn of pouring it on and robbing it in. Once,
ifter the building of the new church, the Lord's
tapper was to he celebrated. Preaching over>
he non-commutiieaiits and sinnera had gone out,
ind stood, a crowd, about the door: the cammulicants
drew up nearer the altar. Lot the elenents
had not been provided. Brother Williams
mu uepenaeu on urumrr uauo, ami ne on urovn* (
sr Ilodges or Brother Herndon, and so it was. i
Dannelly waited till this slate of things was fully ^
iscertained, and then, without saying a word,
went thump, tiiump, thump to the door. Pivot- ,
ng himself on that wooden leg, till insiders and
jutsiders were within his raking fire, he began :
' So sacrament to day. You can go home. If
it had been a party or a pic nic, I'll be bound
tlu-se Christians would have come up every one
with his basket full. But it was only to celebrate
the death and suffering of our Saviour, and
not one of them has brought a piece of bread
Vou can go borne. Lord bare mcrsy on us."
Towards the close of the year, I went timidly
to him for my Church Letter.
" What I not coining back to Cokeabury I"
" So. air; should like to but my father is going
to move to Alabama litis winter, and I can't
come back."
" Use your letter, you reckon, if I give you
one f Be ashamed of your religion I"
" I mean to put the letter in wherever I go,
And will try and never be ashamed of being a
Christian."
Then, for the first time, nnder a doughty,
rough exterior, the ol?l man showed me his kind
IIa /laauf inn ta Itim An/) 111 Asan/i in? Ami
id, " Y?i, you ?hall have n letter."
[A Student of 1887.
Tbmpbrancb Drink.?The great temperance
drink of the day is a beverage made from
what i* known among u* as the * Onlifornia
We kaow nothing of the history of
this etinous agent, and can only record the fact
that a mixture of molassess and water, and
a tablespoonfuI of the " Mosa," put in a bottle
and eeeurely corked, will produce in five
hours a good article of spruce beer. Mixed
with brown sugar, it makes good sparkling
cider ; while sugar being substituted, capital
champagne is obtained. A curious feature
of the " Mom" ia, while it feed* on the
liquid, it increases with extra ordinary rapidity.
We have found the beverage to be
a good tonic and a harmless stimulant.?
We do not assert it as a fact, but we have
every reason to believe that the " Mom" is
identical with the H California Vinegar
Plant,
A Difficult Question Answered.
"Can Shy one tell why, when Eve wet menuaetured
from one of Adam's rib*, a hired girl
retn't tnnde At the tame time to wait oh lior?''
We eon, easily I Became Adam never came
vhintng to Eve with a ragged stocking* to be
tamed, a collar-string to he tewed on, or a glove
o be mended "right away, qnick now J" Besanse
he never read the newspaper until the sun
jot down behind the palm trees, and Uien stretch*
sd himself, yawning eat, "Ain't supper most
eady, my dear T" Not lie. He made the fire
?nd hung over the tea kettle himself, well venture,
and pulled the raddisheo, and peeled the
jnnanas, and did everything else that he ought
.o! He milked the cows, and fed the chickens,
tnd looked after the pigs himself. He never
wrought home half n-dozen friends to dinner,
ivhen Eve hadn't any fresh pomegranates, and
nango season was over I lie never stayed out
intll eleven o'clock to a " ward meeting," liur
fr.- ?1,? J ? ?-J 1 .1
.v? uiv vuv aiiu viIV cnilUlUN(C| HUU IDCII
icoldcd because poor dear Eve was silting up
?nd crying inside the gates, To be sure, ho acted
rather cowardly about apple-gathering lime,
but, then, that don't depreciate his general helpfulness
about the garden. lie never played billiards,
nor drove fast horses, nor choked Eve
will) cigar smoke. lie never loafed around corner
groceries while solitary Eve was rocking Utile
Cain's cradle at home. In short, he didn't
.htnk she was specially created for the purpose
>f waiting on htm, and wasn't tinder the Impression
that it disgraced a man to lighten bis wife's
tares a little.
That's the reason that Eve did not need n
tired girl, and we wish it was the reason that
none of licr fair descendants did i
A good story, all the better for being nndoubt>dly
true, is told of an Ihtcrview between a very
iislinguUhed American and the present Pope.
Flis Holiness, designing a special oolnpliment*
led expressed his desire that the American should
risk him, at a fixed hour nnd in u familiar way.
This was accordingly done. The Pope met his
visitor most graciously, nnd very soon expressed
lis great gratification that Catholics enjoyed
luch unrestricted liberty in the United States.
Without waiting to calculate the embarrassment
irhich his remark would occasion, following
tastily the first impulses of hit nature, the
American accepted the compliment to his
:ountry, and expressed the hopo that his Holi
less would reciprocate this privilege of liberty to
is own spiritual children, by granting an equal
lberty to Protestants in the Roman States. The
smbarrassmcnt of the Pope was instant, and the
American discovered the uneasiness which he
..j ! i : * I if- * *?
mu uccusiuuru. ruuuwini(, iiirn, 1113 ntxi luipulse
to remove this embarrassment, the Ameri:an
added, " but we carry out the logic of our
nstitutiona." " Ves. yea," exclaimed the Pope,
lifting and dropping repeatedly his hands, as if
extravagantly gratified by a happy deliverance,
" ye?i y?*? carry out the logic of our institutions
I"
And so we do ! That Is the difference. Proestnntl-m
carries out Ms logic in freedom; Ronanlsm,
its logic in despotism ; the one has made
the United States; the other has made Rome.
Sanitary Precautions.?In the height of summer
all persons are especially called upon to look
tround their dwellings, and consider whether
llierc is not something unfriendly that might and
3Ught to*bo removed without delay, Constant
attention is requisite, that nothing offensive be
luffered to remain within doors. Liquor in
ahich vegetables have been boiled, soap suds,
lirty water of every kind, should be immediately
thrown nway | also cabbage-slalka, potato
1: 1 ..ir_ 1 ?r ? l:. j t_
[n-i-img, miu unai ui crcrj nmu. 111c uijuur m
which greens have been boiled, if suffered to remnin
even a few minutes, or thrown down a
scullery drain, emits a most unpleasant and unwholesome
smell, which pervades the whole
house. Many Tcry cleanly people are not attentive
to this particular. Among other things
that require attention, fallen leaves should be
frequently swept up and properly disposed of. In
doors every room should he swept and dusted
daily, care being taken not merely to make a do
cent surface, hut thoroughly to cleanse under
beds, drawers, tables, aud other furniture, and
to clean out all closets and lumber holes.
A Little IIcto.?A gentleman, while passing
through a street iuhabited by poor people, in
New York, lately, heard an infantile voice irom a
basement crying "Ilelp, help!" lie rushed in
and found a little five year old hoy holding a
bed blanket around his little sister two years
vounccr. who had caught her clothes on fire;
and the little hern had succeeded in extinguish,
ing the flames. The boy, in answer to the qucs
tion why he wrapped the wet blanket around
his sister's clothes, said his Ma had told him that
was the best way to put out the fire ; and as to
why he halloed " Help, help," that he was afraid
ha could not succeed, and wanted seme one to
help him, 11c was then asked why he did not
leave his sister, and run Into the street, and cry
for help. He answered, with tears in his eyes,
and a fixed determination of countenance, "No;
I never would have left her. bhe was my slater,
Had she burned op, I would have burned too."
Rxaooxabl* CcaioarrT iw a Dtiko Man.-*?II was
a bright thought, that of Smithson, the founder
of the 8n>ithson Institute, when he was dying of
an nnknown eomplaint. Bmithson had Ave doetors
and they had been nimbi* to discover what
hie disease was. At length they told the patient
that he mnst die.
" My friends, after I die, make a post mortem
examination, and find out what alls me; for really
1 have heard such long and learned discussions
on the sabject, that I am dying to know
what the disease Is myself."
Coi'ld Not Have the Gotfrct. rom the Foxes.?
That was a novel but not so bad an argument
which the mountain member arged In the Kentucky
Legislature:
A few years ago w bill proptking a premium
on fox-scolpe was nndcr discussion. It had been
somewhat ronghljr handled in debate by members
from the more popular regions, where foxes
were scarce, and Mr. L , from oil* of the
mountain counties, rose to reply. I give only
his peroration; " And are we, Mr. Speaker?we
of the mountain regions?not only to witness the
annual destruction of our crops, but actually to
he deprived by these varmints of the consolations
of religion T" This woke the house up, and
sit it agape for an explanation. He continued :
"You know, Mr. Speaker, that we live in a
rough country ; that your fancy churches?your
PreshyterioDs and Episcopalians?never send
preachers among us. W? depend for the Gospel
upon the circuit riders of the Methodist Church ;
and, sirs, everybody knows that they cannot be
Induced to travel where there are no chickens,
and that chickens cannot be raised where foxes
abound 1" The nnrument was unanswerable, and
th? bill became it law.
Tbi Bible Abolitiomized?A friend has called
otir attention to a rentiraent published in the Domestic
Bible Illustrated. Mr. Cobden, who put
out this book with marginal references, and various
readings, in his comment upon Ezekisl 27th
chapter and 18th verse, which rrnds, " Javan,
Tubal, and Meehech, they were thy merchants ;
traded the persons of men and vessels of braes
iu thy market,'" says:
" Thi* dcUstabls traffic, which it stiil carried on
in the world, ought to be held in univertal execration,
and the base tout* that encourage slavery, to
be stigmatized at murderers !"
This book is extensively circulated in the
South. A Mr., or brother, Swobe, sold many copics
in Cherokee Georgia, but, perhaps, did not
know that it oontained such a sentiment. In
regard to this he ean speak for himself. Thus it
is in the name of the iloly Bible such sentiments
are spread among Southern people. The lan.
guage is strikingly similar to that used by the
famous Spurgcon.
Will the Southern press pass this around?
[Georgia Banner tt Baptist.
A lvttkr from Constantinople states that the
astrologers of the Sultan have just brought out
in that city the Turkish almanac for the new
year, which begins in March. The science of
astrology still enjoys a certain degree of consid
eration in the East, and faith is placed in its pre
dictions. On this occasion the sstrolooer of the
almanac has left the place of a certain Friday in
the new year blank, which has caused great uneasiness
in (he capital, ns lie is an old.man of the
time of the Sultan Mnhmoud, whose death, in
1839, he Indicated by the same means. The believers
in the science, therefore, feel fully persuaded
either that the Sultan Abdul-Majid will
not survive the year, or that some other grave
event will threaten tho Turkish Empire.
Facts tor tiie Lame*.?There is more truth
than nonsense in the following. Ladies, read it
and profit thereby t
"The credulity of woman on the subject of
being loved is very great; they often mistake a
common liking for a particular regard, and on
this foundation build np castles in the air, and
fill them with all the treasures of their bright
hopes and confiding love ; and, when some startling
fact destroys the visions) they feel as if the
whole creation were blank to them, and they
were the most injured of women. It is safer to
be very skeptical on the subject of being loved ;
bnt if you do make the mistake, take all the
blame to yourself, and save your dignity by secrecy,
if you cannot keep from loving."
A t'oLi.tsax.?"Artemus Ward" thu? sums up
briefly college life at Oberlin!
" Oberlin in a large place. Kollidge opens
with a prayer and th.- New York Tribune is read.
A collection is then taken up to buj overcoats,
with red horn buttons on them, for the indignnnt
Hollered people of Kannadn. I hav tokontribil
librally to the glorious work as they call it hear.
At ths bordin house the kulored people sits at
the first table?what they leave is made into
hash for the white people.
P. S.?The Kollidge lias bestowed upon me the
honery title of K. T, of which I am sufficiently
prowed.
I I
Cot.. King, of Gonzales county, in Texas, who
is an equal enemy of hard money and grammar,
having a proper contempt for both, and who
lives as he says, "down to the foot of navigation,"
near Gonzales, a little creek which runs
dry in summer, recently delivered himself of the
following emphatic remark: "Ef I owe a man
an onjust debt, and I make him a lawles tender
of a blank bill and lie infuses to incept it, but
persoos out a writ for to level on my property,
ef f don't make a sacrament of him I'll be
bustid 5"
It is said that females never fail to pay
for the papers they read?that ia, if they
subscribe, tbey pay their subscriptions. Wo
once heard one of the oldest editors in Vir
ginla say, that while lie had lost hundreds
of dollars od male subscriptions, he had not
lost a cent on the subscriptions of females.
4s?- ?
" Ain.t one man as good as another f1
said an English radical. " Faith, yes, and
a great deal bether," replied an Irishtnnn.
Tiiat yonng man who drinks, bets, awearc
gambles, and Idles away his time, is on i
thin place in the ice.
" Dos'r yen mean to marty, my deaf sir V
" No, my dear widow; I'd rather lore all the
ribs I've got than take another."
I
I5nmnrisf0 dMia.
School Examination.
" Class in general information, aland up.'
The class consists of four youth* ?" *t?ri-'
ous conditions of forwardness, and' in garments
of patched hue, straggled up and prepared
for the ordeal.
** Now, then, Jim Smitbera?What is a
politician ?" . J
"A feller, which serves *n ?apprenticeship
to lying, selling his friends, drinking
and neglecting his family, until he gits out
of his time, when he gits to be a journeyman
office-hunter or a boss office-holder,*
"Good! Now then, next?What is *
popular preacher f
" A feller which never lias a c *11 from tba
Lord for less than five*, "thousand" a year
and expenses, including donation parties:
also a feller which amuses himself by lecturing
around tbe county ai fifty dollars a pop.
lie gives liberally of nothing to the poor,
serves the devil in such a way as he thinks
will least offend the Lord, wears first class
broadcloth and preaches against pride ;rides
to church in a carriage, and condemns the
poor people for riding in cars, and whea he
gets tired of buisiness, he goes into an interesting
decline, gits a pension from his grateful
congregation and becomes a religious
spor'er. Or else his feelings git two overpoweiin',
and he gits suspended officially?
when if he gets his deserts he'd be suspended
physically, with a rop-??"
| 44 There, that's sufficient. Next?Wlmt'a
the prevailing religion of this country ?"
44 (Jit all you can, and keep all you git."
44 Wrong?Next!"
"Geltin" what don't belong to yon, keepin'
what you don't need, and cullin' a sanctified
swell generally."
44 Right. Next?What is a fool!"
44 Well he's a feller who thinks every man
bo meets is honest, a feller who imagines he
can make money by being generous to misers,
liberal to colporteurs and missionary
societies, and honest towards rogues."
44 Well and what becomes of them J"
" Of who I"
" Why the fools."
" Vea, well, them tliat don't go Into startin'
newspapers nnd nanagin' opera houses
for a livin', generally contrive to pick up a
precarious and onsartin livin' as schoolmasters."
" Class dismissed ; half holiday."
Many hard stories are told at the expense
of the brave sons of 'owld Ireland,'
but the following timely repartee we consider
an exception :
44 A tavern keeper in Newark, when giving
New Year's presents to his ' help,' told
one of his porters (a smart Irishman) that
he was about the best man around the
house, and therefore ho should give him
the most coRtly present. 'Sure,' said Patrick,
rubbing his hands with delight, 4I always
mane to do my duty.' 4I believe you,*
ssid his employer, 4 and therefore I shall
make you a present of all you have stoleti
from me during the year 1' 4 Thank your
honor,' replied Pat,?4and may all your
friends nnd acquaintances trate you as liberally.'
A country fellow just come to' town, gaaing
about in every shop he came to, at last
entered an insurance office, where, seeing
only one man sitting at a desk he could not
imagine what commodity was sold there,
but calling to the clerk :
14 Pray, sir," said he,44 what do you keep
to sell here?"
44 Loggerheads 1" criod tho clerk.
" Do you ?" answered the countryman.
"By jingo, then, you have ? precious good
frortn fnr T ??i> vnn ImVA but nnn Ir-fr "
T a kino it Cooli/t?New York merchant
(excitedly).?This will never do, air I
no. sir! we must have our money, sir, or
we'll put the account in suit immediately t
Country merchant (twelve months behind.)?Wei,
now, if that's what yer going
to do, allow me to recommend a neighbor
of mine, Squire Jones! He's a mighty
prompt collector !
A thick headed squire, being worsted by
Sidney Smith in an argument, took hie revenge
by exclaimii^
" If I had a son an idiot, I'd make him a
' parson."
" Vers' probably," replied Sidney, M hot I
see your father was of a different mind."
" Cax you t?!! me," jetted a blooming
lass, of * suitor, one day, " What ship carties
more passengers than the Great fcastern f
" Well, madrttn, really I don't think ! can.*
"Why. it is courtship/" replied the
maiden, with a conscious blush 1
A mother said, 44 sonny, you bate left
out a good deal in your prayer."
44 1 know it," said the Jittlo four year old
hut what's the use of loading upinv prajafi
! as I would, an old cannon t"
"fit* meanest man in America lives in
Cleaveland, Ohio. He applied to a
( recently for an eJrcctition upon the ieo<*tcit
i leg of a msti who owed him $4. Not ertnstable
cotiid be found to serve the elocution*
The editor of an Indiana paper sen**
44 more villainy ia on foot." We suppose tla*
editor has lost bis horse.
A,
i