The southern enterprise. [volume] (Greenville, S.C.) 1854-1870, December 18, 1856, Image 1
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VOL. 3. ;; GREENVILLE, S .: THURSDAY MORNING, DECEMBER 18, 1856. NO. 3& ,
j'lll',1 "J 1 I -?J il!-L L LJ?JLl!J_JJJLJ '
1ft ^nntjjem enterprise,
REFLEX OF POPULAR EVENTS.
watwMMH B>. jpaaoai,
EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR.
T? aca?.:i? mm w
%I 10, parable ia advance ; $$ if delayed.
CLUBS of FIVE and upwards $1, ihe money
A a every instance t? aeeompnny tho order.
AI)V EIIT1SEM KJTTS Inserted conspicuously at
the rates of 75 eenta per squars of 18 lines, and
II centa for each subsequent insertion. Contracts
for yearly advertising nmdo reasonable.
AORNTS.
& W. Cars. Jf. W. cor. of Walnut and Tliird-st,
Philadelnhia. is our aiithori*.?<l A?.nf
W, W. Walker, Jr., CoiniuMa, S, C.
Pbtbr Stradlkv, Esq., Flat ltock, N. C.
A. M. Panic*, Pairview I*. O., Greenville Disk
WiLutx CL li viLcr, pleasant Grove, Greenville.
C*rr. R. Q Andsraox, Cedar Falls. Greenville.
irltrteii ^nrtrtj.
B ifou>e io jjfeqbco.
A home in heaven 1 O the blissful thought,
How it should stir our inmost heart with
joy;
And it froe gift, by Jesus' suffering bought,
What gratitude should nil our iniud cm*
ploy.
A home in heaven ! it eases all our pains
To contemplate the glorious, blissful
theme;
Away, dull oarib, with all thy sordid claims,
With all thy pleasing scenes tbou'rl but
n dream.
A Lome in heaven ! could heart desire znorc !
To be with God in that celestial land ;
O, bliss unspeakable ! my cup runs o'er;
Great Father, lake ino quick to Thy right
/ baud I'
A home in heaven ! the summit of all bliss,
Where God the father will be all in all,
And tbe bright home where Christ the Saviour
is,
R'f' IfA UrllMA llirilllA a ,anu/\t*.A.I ? ~'l
? ? - - ? *MI VMV n iniifiviuwi n VIIU
will full.
A home iu heaven ! (he climax of delight,
Where all the bleat ?hall live and love
forever,
And our bright auo may never set in night,
Uut endless day roll on, and on forever.
A home in heaven 1 unspeakable testacy 1
Dissolve our hearts in fervid, perfect love ;
O, the sublime and rapturous thought, tube
Submerged and swallowed up in God?
above.
Jfiisttllanrous 11 tailing.
oto &0C3licks toQ3
a ncMonovs satire on political bcttinu.
1 uaon't any money to bet, but did have
a new suit of clothes, nod I was willing to
risk tliem, and try to win another suit on
the State elections. Was sure of Pennsylvania,
Ohio and Indiana for the Republicans
?so I made up ray mind to bet on the Oppetition,
and started out in pursuit of a customer?was
willing to bet with anybody
who bad good clothes, and on anybody who
I thought would win. Went into the "Pewter
Mug ?Buchanan man in his shirt
aleevea with ragged breeches and a battered I
hat, wanted to tat $10,000 that44 Old Buck"
would carry his own ftate by fifty thousand
majority?then when no one took him up,
ha offered $20,000 against $10,000, but ae
there was no $10,000 mau on baud, he magnanimously
came down to $5,000, but as
there didn t appear to be even that small
amount ready at the instant?he lowered
his terms to $1,000, against which he proposed
to lay $90,000, but still no one listened?he
weut on offering greater and
greater odds, and made bold defiance to all
the worid to put up $10 against $00,000;
acd finally offered to stake $100,000 against
In glasa of whiskey on the Democracy of
Fenneylrania?finding no one to take him
up ere! At that offer, ho turned away in
high disdain, staggered up to tlio bur and
Wanted something out of a black bottle, t>ut
PffQ minute* the enterprising bar keeper
picked t^a 1100,000 man in the stroet bepaus*
ha coijicji/l raise 3 cent* to pay for
hi* liquor. ' ' *'
Toe room seemed to be fa)} of millionOiree,
who all wanted to bat on Huchww to
( any fiqount?thought that the possession
of a great tjeal of money must tpake ? man
I ttywj* f<>' \ wh?ft ?oy one palled
the o ?r<| to drink, tty ipiHiooeires al
ways rftpooded tp the invitation, and took
double lforue-arobMrved, loo, that Uu/ aov
I er asked any one to driuk, and thought it
f must m beeauae they feared seUing a hp.!
exampia, apd leading strangers into diuipaI
*
?? | . , > i in ! - - AV. .
lioru Then R Fillmore omn wanted to take
a vote on the Presidential question ; so he
asked all tli?*e in favor of Fillmore to come
up and drink, and the millionaires all catne
up?then a Buchanan man requested nil
who were going to vote for Buchanan to
como up and take a horn, and the millionaires
again camo up?then Fillmore roan
claimed it, and the other innn claimed itthen
they hit?Buchanan man went down
before n rap from a chair, but not before he
had floored Fillmore man with a decanter?
disinterested millionaire dressed chiefly in
a black eye and a second hand coat, anxious
to preserve the peace, took the decanter
from Buchanan man and drank the Contents
Oelore the bur-tender caught liiin at it?then j
the bar-keeper pot excited, jumped over tiie
bar and pitched into his wealthy customers
?ho was peifectly sober, and consequently
had a tremendous advantage over the others?so
he devoted himself for a fow minutes
with great energy and singleness of
purpose to an individual, who, a little while
before, had expressed a willingness to stake
half a million on Pennsylvania, but who was
now surreptitiously tilling his pockets with
cod-fish and crackers, and bustled him out
?then he took a $00,000 chap by the nap
of the neck and pitched him into a corner?
then he gave his attention to a $70,000 fellow,
anu a poverty stricken rascal who
hadn't offered to bet more than $15,060 on
Buchanan, which two were having a quiet
tight all alone, and kicked them into the
gutter?then he went promiscuously and
impartially at the rest of the crowd with a
club, and dealt out two handed hickory
'justice' till all were subdued and satisfied?
be came at mo in like affectionate
manner, but I called for two drinks, and
showed him the mouey, and lie thought
better of it. Thought there wasn't much
chauco of winning my uew clothes from
these gentlemen, so I hurrahed for Buchanan,
threw a quarter to the bar-keeper, and
took tnyself off while ho was looking for it
belnud the barrels.
T., ?i... .o-.l.~ J? T t J
?uv cwuioc \ji iiiu uh> i juunu Drown,
who was well dressed hihI willing to-take
iny beta. So I made the following wagers:
A new bat that l'cuiialyvniiia would give
20,000 Republican majority ; a new coat
on 15,000 majority, and a cravat, and a pair
of pants, and a half a dozen shirts on 10,000?then
I got a bet of a pair of pants and
an oyster supper on the general result in
Indiana?went home and thought I had
douc a good day's woik, and made A suit of
clothes quicker than I could in any other
way?weut to bed satisfied with the world,
and dreamed about the out and quality of
niv new coat.
Next day the election canta oft?met
Damphool?he'd been betting on Pennsyl- j
vania too. that it would go for Fillmore.
So had all his namesakes, in fact, he inform-1
cd me that all the Damphools had bet on
Pennsylvania, and on Fillmore. Mel Brown
and told hi in I'd take a fcli hat. or, if he'd
make it a cash bet, and pay it then. I'd allow
a small discount ? but Brown said
" wait." Told Brown he might as well go
home and put on his old suit, and give me
the new one, as to wait till night, but Brown
strangely preferred to wart?told hiin to he
careful meantime, and not sit down in any
dirty spot with my pantaloons on, then I followed
him tUily for two hours, admiring
inv new clothes from a distance.
Night caine at last, and it was time for
the returns to come in?went to the newspaper
oftices and beared the results read.
Fremont ooinpi I .11
bad ten hats lx.'t, and clothes enough to hist
ten years. Then the scale sceinei to change,
and in a little while I didn't care for more
thau half a dozen hats, and whs glad, on the
whole, that 1 hadn't got a ten years stock
of clothe* at stake, as they might go out of
fashion before I could wear them out. Then
another telegraph came in, and I thought 1
could make 3 hats do?then another arri.
ved, and 1 began to he rather glad that I
didn't bet tuj old clothes as well as mv new
ones?then the telegraph said that Fremont
wouldn't have more than 5 000 majoiity?
thought that this report must be wrong?
went to the Tim** olKoe:?same news there ;
walked up to the Tribune shop, ditto; circulated
down to the Herald office, snine
kind of news there, ouly worse, and a mighty
sight more of it?trembled for n moment,
tuen I thought of "the mountains" with
glee, and the " back counties" with a joyful
hope. New* kept coming in, same kind
?got a little scared?found the fellows I
1114/1 lial milk - ?I ~ ' *
-v. Tf.VH) nnu IIICII IV UVIIVIIICO llltID
that I had meant a suit ef summer clothes,
a straw hat, and cowhide boots. Brown
pulled down the corner of bis eyo and said
1 No you donV Cruel Brown !
Then another county came in, and made
tho 20,000 majoiity a sure failure, and a<^
lost my hat for me, and 1 began to fear that
I should have to relapse into my old clothes.
Then another oountv enrue in, and look the
ooat from my back, then another, and stripped
n)e of my pantaloona; then another yet,
and despoifod mo of one of my new shirta.
And I he l??t dispatch of the night robbed
me of my velvet vest, and my ?nlv decent
cravat. Went to bedaoirowful?took a leok
at my old suit and mourned at the fractured
integrity thereof,
Disconsolate, I wandered down town the
j?fitt morning, and read on the bulletin that
EhMftitii imiirt i " ^iaim*~- J'
Pennsylvania had gone for Fremont after ail
?borrowed a newspaper, it was even so.
and 1 shouted for joy, for though I hud loat
my bat and coat, I hud saved my punta .
loons. Paper-t all said we had got Penmyi- j
vania sure?met a crazy Buchanan man
who wanted to bet that the Key Stone S'.ate
had gone for old Buck ? thought crazy (
Bnchanan man had not heard the news,
and looked upon him as a special interpo (
sition of fortune in tny behalf?lie was a (
speculation, and was to be made the most (
.of?I dared not trust him out of my sight
lest some one else should get hold of him j
and win his money before I got mv share. I
Stuck close to him and coaxed him into the
back'room of a lager beer shop, got him to (
bet on Pennsylvania : he had more money
than I had, but he was willing to put it all
up if I would find means to cover it?agreed '
to raise the balance if it took a leg, and de- (
posit with Jones before 3 o'clock.
Left crazy Buchanan man, and went out
to borrow the money?found Damphool ?
Damphool hadn't the cash, but when I
showed hiin what a auro thing we had on
crazy Buchanan man, he said he'd get it,
and he wanted me to let him go halves, but
I appealed strongly to his friendship, and he
finally agreed to let me keep all the profits,
and he would lend me the money out of
pure love. I waited impatiently for him to '
raise the funds and make his appearance.
One o'clock came, and no Damphool and no
uioney ; began to be uneasy lest I shouldn't
1 have the funds to put into Jones' hands, and |
should therefore lone the chance?half-past
one, uud no Damphool; felt excited and
wished I was behind Damphool with a
sharp stick. Two o'clock, and Damphool
still mvMble ; was in an agony, and feared
that Buchanan man would escape his fate?
| half past two, no Datnphoo), felt despairing
and desperate, but' at 10 minutes to 3, Damphool
made his appearance on the horizon
| just as 1 was meditating a cheap suicide, for
1 really had not money enough to buy a
rope, a dose of poison or a charge of powder.
But Damphool caine at hist ; he Imd
pawned his horses, and agreed to pay 5
cent, per month, but he had got the cash.
I hurried to Jones and got it safely into
his bauds at 2 minutes before 3 : then I
went out and danced an ecstatic hornpipe on
the side-walk. After I bad effervesced a little,
I stepped around and told my boot-man
that I'd have soine tuoney ** to morrow **
and pay bis little bill?then 1 sent word to
Siaggs that I'd pay my note " to-morrow,"
and lie needn't sue; and also to Sunt Litis
that lie might sto|> bis proceedings iu court,
for I should be in funds " tomorrow "?I
diopped in and bullied my tailor for having
dared to dun ine for a bill only 4 months
over date?paid it in full with my note due
"one day after date," and told him to send
his hoy round " to morrow." I left this deluded
inan with the idea thai I had just fallen
heir to a large fortune.
Night caiuc, aud with it the official re
turns?to my surprise they didn't look exactly
right, aud against me?hurried to the
telegraph office, same story there?thought
somebody had lied to the lightning, and
was going to whip the operator. Found
that the dire intelligence, however, was
loo true?crazy Buchanan man had heard
the news?in fact I learned that crazy Buchanan
man, and two or three othei Buchanan
men, equally crazy, had invented Republican
I majorities of the morning, hired the tele
grapu man 10 aeuu mem on troin fluladel|
piiia, and then made hoavy bets with the
jubilant Fremonter*.
Bushed instantly to Jones' to draw out
Damphnol'a money, bijt Jones hud paid it
over io crazy Buchanan man who was just
disappearing in the distance?rushed after
him, aud got to the depot just in time to
see him jump into the last train for Beaton
?assumed a classic position on the platform
and put his thumb on his nose. I had been
sold, uiy friend had lost his money ami must
endorse the 5 per cent, a month, for I can't
help him. Penitently,
Q. K. PHILANUKK L>OK8TICK8.
P. S.?Indiana has also gone over to
HucliAnan, and taken with it my only decent
hoots?I pity the winner, for they are too
tight across the loos. <
Motion's.?An odd old inan, whom
we met on the road the other day, delivered
himself of the tbllwing queer I
notions in the course ot three miuutes,
conversation!
" Gold mine men always break, and |
die before tliov live nnt ??
" I never want a horse worth* more i
than forty dollars, nor a buggy worth I
more than twentv-tive ; but give me a i
good house ami something good to |
eat." 1
"Nino overaeora out often are no
account." * 1
" A dollar made on poor land is 4
about three or four times as big as one
made on rich land."
W e leave the reader to decide wheth- j
or our old friend be a Solomon, or no. |
. , [Edgefield Advertiser.
Km exchange Mjt, it always looks under
the marriage head for the noose of the i
vecJf, I
BailrioJijty of the Bible.,
Tiie following article from the Louisville
[OKI School) Presbyterian paper reflects viv- |
idly the principles of a christian patriot:
The christian who docs for his country'
til that the Hible requires him to do will l?e j
.he very highest style of patriot. Ilis reli !
jfion requires him to love all men, even in-j
hiding his enemies, and to do good to all .
men as he has opportunity, lie is coin- j
nanded to love his country, hut he is not
iXtrmilted to hate other Countries, and to i
.1 J -? -
CM uiHin oown mat lie may build Ills own i
ip. lie should love his whole country.and j
lot simply the particular portion of it in
which !*?? resides.
The patriotism of tho Bible is wholly opjosed
to sectionalism or the feeling which
.eeks to aggrandise one particular section ?>f|
lie country at the expense of the other. It
jvas remarked of nations that their interests,
ever clash with each other, though there 1
nay, at time?, appear to bo a conflict. Tho 1
tame remark may be made touching of in- j
erests or different sections of one great
country like ours. There may, at times,
>eem to be a conllict between the interests
jf the North ar.d tho South, and the East
rod the West, but it is really not so. It
mo member of the body politic sufteta, all
die members will, sooner or later, feel the
3fleet* of it. That interest of anv section
which is promoted by the injury of another
section is only a temporary one. Tho prosperity
promoted in such way will eventually
be seen to be not a lasting prosperity, just
a* no man can be permanently prospered by
the ruin of his neighbors. He may appear,
for a season, to prosper, but. in the end, their
injury will be reflected back upon himself.
it is impossible, therefore, in the very na* i
ture of the case, that christian patriotism [
can be sectional. It seeks to promote the
interests of the whole country, because l?v
so doing it best promotes the welfare of every
part of it. It seeks no advantage for its
section at tlie expense of others. Mason ami
Dixon's line is not the boundary of its afl'ections.
If it breathes in the bosom of a man
A i. r ?i ? * - -
huuui 01 inai tine u makes linn rejoice in
the prosperity of those of his fellow-citizens
whose lots are cast north of il as much as
does the prosperity of his own section. If it
is found in a Northern bottom il is equally us
expansive. It embraces the South as well as
the North in the arms of its love. The christian
patriot ought to nsk himself the question
" how would I regard the measure of
policy whbll I now advocate were I in the
place of my fellow citizens in another sec
lion f What influence will my favorite
measures or men have upon the whole
country, and not simply upon the part of it
in which I reside." lie should expand his
inind and lake enlarged views of the subject.
There is nothing nanow or contracted
about Christianity. Those professors of it
who have contracted views or feelings have
them in spite of their religion, ami not in
virtue of it. If the enlarged patriotism inculcated
in the llible could only become
thoroughly predominant once more in the
hearU of Christian men at the North and
South ; if they could ho brought to lav
aside all reference to their particular sections,
and would all look at the greatest good of
the whole country, the strife which is now
racing with sncL.violence would soon cease
If the North would do to the South, and the
South do to the North, just wlint they
would each have th<f other do to thein. were
their circumstance* reversed, all contention
would cease, and peace and harmony would
soon prevail again. This is precisely the
kind of patriotism which the Bible inculcate*.
Without this, no country a* large as
ours iscan hold together and prosper. With
it, it may flourish and grow stronger to the
end of time.
dDine, fteef qpd JeiDpelrwc.
Tiikrk are hundreds, if not thousands of I
persons, who profess to love temperance, ami
hate fanaticism, who have embraced the si I - |
|y idea that native wine and native beer will I
Jo much to diminish the use of distilled I
jpints, and promote society. Multitudes of I
young men in this city, unblusliiugly enter
lager l?eer saloons, and would have us Ire
lieve they are in no danger of becoming sols.
They brutalize and atultifv themselves with
tlie filthy L)uteli swill, until they pats the
dividing line between thn human and the
beast, and don't know it. Some intelligent
men have said, that the true way to promote
temperance, i* to encourage the use of
Fermented liquor*. To such we commend
the remarks of the Noith British Itoview, a
paper which has never favored the temperance
reform. It saya :
* It would not be much to say, that if all
the drinking of fermented liquor could Ire
done away, crimo of every kind would fall
to a fourth of ita present amount, and the
whole tone of moral feeling in the lower orders
might be indefinitely raised. Not only
doea this vice produce all kind* of wan
ton mischief, but it also ha* a negative etfect I
irf great importance. It is the mightiest of
nil force* that clog the progreaa of good.j
It is in vain that every engine is set to work
that philanthropy can devise, when those
whom we aee^ to benefit are habitually tain
paring with their faculties of rowm and j
will?soaking their brains with Wer or in-,
flaming them with ardent spirit*. The;
struggle of the school, the library, and the :
church, all united against the beer-bouse'
and gin juilace, is but one development of j
(lie war between heaven and hell. It is, in I
short, intoxication that fills our goal*, ft is I
intoxication that fills our Lunatic Asylum*, j
and it is intoxication that fill* our workhouses
with poor. Were it not f<?r this one
cause, paujieiism would bo nearly extinguished
in England. Wo are convinced
that if a statesman who heartily wished to
do the utnio*t possible good to hi* country,
were thoughtfully to enquire which of the
topics of the day deserved the most in'enac
force of hi* attention?the suic reply which
would be exacted by full deliberation would
be, that he should study the means by which
this worst of plagues can he stayed. Surely,
such a question as this, enclosing within
its limits conreqnor.ee* so momentous, ought
io uv wetgucu whii earnest uiougni Dy all
patriots."
? --
B 210 c \ i c q I School h) q 3 f c .
We once heard of a committee'* interfering
with and turning out asclioohnastei, for
committing enormities, in the way of illustrating
hi* lessons. It appears that ho had
enlisted the minds of the pupils in Natural
j IMiilosophy, ami tried to get some apparatus,
j but lie was told to do the teaching and leave
: the nonsense, lint, nothing daunted, he got
I some apparatus himself and told the boys
: if tliey would hiing a mouse or two the next
! day, lie would show them the effects of nitrogen
upon them. The next day came the
committee, to reprovo him. because, forsooth, i
the l?oys, in their eagerness to learn, had
| been up al! night trying to catch iniee for
their master, and disturbing the house ! lie
promised to do better, but when ho came to
Astronomy tie committed an atrocious crime,
for being delicient of an Orrery, he took the
biggest boy in the school, and placing him
in the middle for the bun, told him to turn
I round slow ou bis axis as the Sun did ; lie
! then placed a little fellow for Mercury ; next
to him a girl for Venus ; then a representation
of the Earth ; then a tiery little fellow
for Mars, and so on, till he got all the planetary
system arranged, and explained to
each how fast lie was to turn on his heel as
he went round his orbit. Then, giving the
K11 f 11 !i 1. tin* Sinn /?Ammnn/vml mwwI . i...
?J- 1 , uwny
went the whole teain of planets around him,
each boy keeping in his proper distance
from tho center, trotting with llio projier
velocity in Tiis orbit and whirling around in
due proportion as he performed his re Vol u
tion. It must have been a raro sight, and a
htssoti which the boys retained ; for do you
think, iny dour Sir, that John, who presented
Mercury, would ever forget that he had
an easy time walking round the lubber in
tha center; while Will, who represented
llcrschell, must have been out of breath in I
scampering around his orbit ?
Hut the l?oys did not forget the lesson,
neither did the master ; they danced, but he
paid the piper! for, horrified, the committee
; dismissed him at once ; ho had been tench
1 ing, for aught they knew, the dance of the
Turkish dervishes.
B if0 1 &03?.
In the pleasant little village of Had
doiitield, N. J., some yours ago, there
resided an old fellow who was familiarly
known in the village and country
round, as 44 Old Joe." lie had n<? par
ticular occupation?nor any particular
location, lie ate where lie could gel
a lute, and slept wherever he could
find a lodging place, lie was a harmless
old fellow, and occasionally made
a few shillings by cutting wood or
working in the field. Joe was a regit
lar old toper, and Jersey lightning had
no more effect on his insiues than so
j much water. Old Joe was never
! known to love anything but whiskey,
| and he did love that. lie generally
made his head-quarters nt the lower
tavern. There were two taverns in the
i village, at the time ot' which we write.
1 He would sleep and doze away the afternoon
on an old bench in one corner
?f the bar-room, but was always awake
when there was any drinking going on
lie said he could never sleep when he
; heard the jingling of glasses and the
gurgling sound of old rye and applejack.
When he was not asked to drink
ho would slip to the bar and drain the
glasses of the few drops left in them.
One afternoon, Dr. Bolus, the village
physician, was in the tavern, mixing i
iii) a preparation. Ho placed a turn
bier bait' full of aqua forth on the bar,
and turned round to mix u;>sonie other
ingredient*. A few moments after he
had occasion to use the poisonous drug,
when ho found, to his dismay, that the
tumbler bad been drained to the last
drop.
' Mr. Wiggins.'* exclaimed tho Doctor,
ii\ affright, to tho landlord, 44 what
has become of that aqua forth I put
on tho bar a few moments ago ?*'
. . .
" I don't know," replied tholftndl<43fc
"unless old Joe slipped in and draujt
In this suspicion they were both soot*
confirmed, tor the hostler said ho hadi
seen old Joe swallow the late draught.
The Doctor, knowing that he inuat.ctii^
tainly die after such a dose, instituted
a search at once. After some hour#
spent in looking through tho burns, out**
houses and woods, tor three or four
miles around the village, lie was abandoned
to his fate. It was a cold night,
and as the village topers assembled
around the blazing hickory fire in the
bar-room, nothing was thought of or
talked of but the unfortunate cud cd,
poor Old Joe "With all his faults, the
greatest of which was his drinking pro?-!
penalties, Old Joe was quite a favorite*
among the women and children, and
some of the ohl topers hung their
heads ominously, while a tear was seen*
to trickle down their bloated checks.
Some four days had elapsed, and no'*
thin? having been heard Irotn Old Joe,
they all came to the conclusion that ho'
was a goner. The Doctor, about this,
time, had occasion to visit a patient
smiie eight miles distant; what was bis
surprise, when about live miles from,
the village, to see Old Joe in front of
a farmers house, splitting wood.
"Why, Jim," said the Doctor, riding
up to the fence. ''I thought you
was dead and buried before this."
" Why, what made you think that, *
Dt>ctor?" leaning on his axle-handla,
" Did you drink that .dose I leit on
old Wiggins' bar, a few days since?"
" Yes," replied Joe, half ashamed to
j own it.
u Do you know what it was ?" asked
the Doctor.
" No !" returned Joo.
" Wliy, it was aqua fortis?enough
to kill a dozen men."
"Well, now, Doctor, do you know
that I thought there was something
oncer about that darned stuft* for after
I drank it, every time 1 blot red my no**
I burnt a hole in, my pocktitrhandkcr*
chief r _
John Haxdoliui and " Remorse."?
The following strange story is credited *
to a paper called the " California!!,"
which professes to copy it from "Chittenden's
Western \ ir<rinia." b
o M"
dertakes a very different and a very
ridiculous explanation of the 44 Reinorse
" scene in tho dying moments
ot John Randolph :
44The day after the funeral, a stranger,
dressed in deep black, called at
the mansion and inquired for Mr.
Randolph, llo was ignorant of the
melancholy event that hud occurred,
and was profoundly shocked when told
of Mr. Randolph's death. He inquired
particularly if Mr. Randolph had
not asked for hitn, stated that his business
with him had been urgent, and
that he had been especially directed
to call upon him the day on which ho
arrived, and expressed the deepest regret
that he had come too late. On
going away the stranger letl his card,
.?n which was engraved, 4R. E,
Morse, Culpeper country, Va.' This
man was never seen again, and, though
j frequent inquiri es were subsequently
made for him, they proved unsuccessful."
?
A Joke in Spite of his Teeth.?
o - *
oume pcopie may imagine that the expression
''mad with the toothache"
lis a mere phrase; hut the following
joke, made by an individual when #uf* +
I tering under acute pain in one of his
molars, affords proof of the existence
of what may be called dental insanity.
When roll lg in agony from one side
S of liis bed to the other, this unreasonable
being asked himself in the middle
j of tlie night:
I 4' What property ic a man likely to
come into, it all his lower teeth should
become affected ?"
The reply was as mad as tho ques!
tion: .
I "Abont a dozen achcrs in Hotteu
| row."
Surely this man's friend# must.either *
take out his teeth, or t?k? on* a
7 w winmission
of luuacy.?Punch.
A Dr.w Bit.r,.?Wliv, nncle Dew
little, how dew you dew? Dew come
in and rest a little, dew. How dews
aunt dew, and what is she dewing '
now? And dew tell ns all about tin
news. Come, dew sit up to the tabli
i and dew as wo dew; dew licit* yourself,
and dew talk some, and dew no .
| make mo dew all tho talking, for I
shan't dfcw it.
Xow dew say something, de\y,