%
jgiaiirm angary.
From the New York Evening Mirror.
TEE BRAVEST LOVE THE BEST.
0T MART FKAXC1& KTLC.
Dkak Dora, when thy lovers sue
To beer thy ivV?
Keineuiber that my words are true?
The bravest love tlte best.
The titled coxcomb's jewellod hand
May lead thee through the dance. i
The polished courtier's whisper blond
And evening may entrance.
But he. who on thy ringlets fair
Should place the bridal wreath,
la he who would not fear to druw
His good sword from ite sheath.
Not he who boosts his valiant deeds
All others do eclipso,
We only hear the brave man's praise
Upon another's lips.
Then ere within thy gentle heart
Love smiles himself to rest.
Remember that my words are true,
The bravest love the best
p;
Soliloquy of a Loafer.
Let's see, where I am? This is?
coal I'm laying on. IIowM I get here?
(reflects.) Yes, I mind *now. Was
corain up street?met a wheelbarrow
?was drunk, comin' 'tothcr way the
wheel-barrow fell over me or I over the
wheel-barrow, and one of us fell into
the cellar, don't mind which now?
gue3S it must a been mo. I'm a nice
young man, ves I am?tight! tore!
shotl drunk ! Well, I can't help it?
'taint my fault?wonder whose fault
'tis? Is it Jane's fault? no, is it my
wife's fault ? well it ain't. Is it the
wheel-barrow's fault? No. It's Whiskey's
fault. Who is Whiskey ? Has
he a large family? Got many relations?
All poorl reckon. I think I
won't own him any more. I'll cut his
acquaintance; I've had that notion for
about ten years and always hated to do
it for fear of hurting his feelings?I'll
do it now?I think liquor's injurin me;
it's spoiling my temper.
Sometimes I get mad when I'jn drunk
and abuse Betz and the brats : it used
to be Lizzie and the ehildrou : that's
sometime ago lean just mind it; when
I came home evening she, used to put;
her arms around my neck and kiss mo 1
and call me her dear William. When j
I conies home now she takes her pipe ]
out of her mouth and puts her hair out ;
of her eyes, and says something like ,
Bill, you drunken brute, shut the door
after you, we're cold enough bavin' no
fire thout letting the snow blow in
that way. 1 cs, she's Iletz and I ain't
a good bill, nuthor; think I'm counter-J
feit?won't pass?a tavern without go-j
in' in and getting a drink. Don't know
what bank I'm on. Last Sunday I was 1
on the river bank drunk.
I stay out pretty late; no, sometimes I
I'm out all night; fact is, I'm out pretty 1
much all over?out of friend, out of1
pocket, out at the elbows ami knees
and always outrageously dirty, says
Betz, but then she's no judge for she f
is never clean herself. I wonder why
she does'nt wear good clothes : may be :
6he hasn't got 'cm. Whose fault's that?'
taint mine?it must be whiskey's.
Sometimes I'm in, however. I'm in-1
toxicated now and in somebody's coal 1
cellar. There's one good principle I've
fot?I won't get in debt, I never could '
o it. There, one of 1113* coat tails is 1
gone, got tore off, I expect when I fell!
down here?I'll have to get a new suit j
soon. A fellow told me the other day J
I'd make a good sign for a paper mill.
If ho wasn't so l>ig, I'd a licked hiin.?
I've had this shirt 011 for nine days, and
I'm afraid it won't conic off without
tearin.' People ought to respect ino
more'n than they do for I'm in holy or- i
ders?I ain't a dandy, though 1113* clothes'
is pretty near grcsian style. I guess I
tore this window shutters in mv mints
the other night when I sat down on the
wax in Ben Sugg1* shop?I'll have to j
fit it mended up, or I will catch cold,
ain't very stout as it is?though I'm
full in the face. As the boys says, I'm j
fat as a match, and as healthy as the
smallpox. My best hat is standing
guard for a window pane that went out |
tne other morning at the invitation of
a brick bat. It's gettin'cold down here;!
wonder how I'll get out; I ain't able';
to climb. If Iliad a drink. I could!
think better. Let's sec; I ain't got'
three cents ; wish I was in a tavern, 1 i
could sponge one. Whenever anybody
treats, and says "come fellers," I always
thinks my name's fellers," and!
I've got too good manners to refuse.?
Well I must leave this or they'll arrest;
me for an attempt at burglary. I ain't
coftie V? that yet. Anyhow it was the
wheel barrow, did the harm, not inc. '
Scene in School.?"First class in.
arithmetic stand up. If a leg of mutton
cost four shillings, what will a beef
steak come to ?"
"Are there 'prentices in the house ? 'j
"What has that got to do with the
question ?"
"A good deal."
"Well, suppose there arc eight ay?prentices
in tlie house, then what will it.
come to f'
"A chunk a of bone, and in losSwhne |
than yon could kill a uv with n lemon
squeezer." ' I
Vulgar8 Refined.
Vulgar.?"Take the rog .the
bush."
Refined'?Removing the dilapidated
hneu from oft* the infantile tree.
Vulvar.?"Monev makes the pot
boil." '
Itefilftd'.?"The precious metals
enitsc the cauldron to effervesce.
Vutyar.?uMoncv makes the more
go/'
Refined.?"The circulating medium
compels the female nag to absquatulate.
T idyar.?"A fool and his money are
j soon parted."
Refined'?The partnership existing
l between a simple one and his small
J lumge is spcedil y dissolved,
t T uhjar.?"What is bred in the bone
i cannot come out of the flesh."
Refined.?That which is matured in
; the osaiotl substance, cannot emanate
from tho carneous man.
| Vulvar.?"Tell the truth and shame
tlic devil."
Jiifncd.?Proclaim what is veracious
and cause Diabolus to blush.
Yiil/jar.?"Each dog has his day."
Jicjincd.?Each masculine of the
j caninine spcclc9 is entitled to the possession
of one diurnal revolution of the
earth.
Yuhjar.?''Does your anxious mothJ
er know you arc out I"
Ji'efined.?Is your solicitous maternal
guardian aware that her offspring
is abroad {
The Western Judiciary.
! I.v a recent lecture before the Mer;
cantilc Library Association, of Boston,
Josiah Quincv, .Jr., speaking _of the
practice of electing cheap judges, quoted
from Governor Ford's history of
{Illinois, and gave an amusing account
j of the action of one of those judges in
the case of a man who was convicted
jot murder. The criminal was named
i Green, and when the judge came t??
, pronounce the sentence he said?
j "Mr. Green, the jury in their vcri
diet say you are guilty of murder, and
the law says you are to he hung. Xow,
11 want vou and all voin* tVh.mlu .>?
Indian Crook to know that it was not
j f that iiui]? VOII. but the jury ami the
law. Mr. Groon, ii?; law allows you
time for preparation, nnd the Couvt
wants to know at. what time you will
be ready to bo hung."
"I am ready at any time," said Mr.
Green.
The judge said?
| "You must know. Mr. Geen, it is a
verv serious matter to be hung: it
i r>
i cannot happen to a man more than
once in his life-time. The Court will
give you four weeks. Mr. ('lei k, look
and see if that will come on Sunday."
After the judge had been informed
that four weeks from that day would
conic on Thursday, his decision was
about to be recorded, when the Attorney
General interposed and said?
"May it please the Court, in such
cases it is usual to prepare the criminal
for his execution by some appropriate I
remarks, tending to impress upon him
the greatness of liis crime, and the lie-;
eessity for sonic preparation for a fu-|
tare, world.
"Well," said the judge, "lie know as i
well as if I should preach to him four
weeks. You understand it so, don't j
you, Mr. Green ?"
"Yes." said Mr. Green, and so the!
matter ended.
- ? ?
A teacher in a neigoboring Sunday
school was examining a class of little
boys from a scripture catachism. The
first <| nest ion was :
"\\ ho stoned Stephen ?'
Answer. "The Jews.'
Second question. "Where did they
stone him V
Answer. 'Beyond the limits of the
city.'
The third question, 'Why did they
take him hevond the limits of the city?'j
was not in the book, and proved a po-!
ser to the whole class; it passed from
head to foot without an answer being j
V t I.... /v.t 1 - "
,?lv?,|,n:u. jvi icii^iu u ntuc ienow.;
who had been scratching his head all
the while, looked up and said :
' Well. I don't know, unless it was!
(o get a fair tling at hi in."
TlIB XKORO AND TilK ItAM. III thei
Ctillao (Pern) New of Feb. 10th, we
read an follows:
Heads Win.?The approaching (Jarnival
season promises to be rich, rare
and interesting in its character, lly,
reference to our advertising columns
it will be seen that a butting mutch is
in contemplation between the steward
of the Wild Pigeon and a ram celebrated
for his strength and courage. It is
almost unnecessary to add that the dial- j
longing party is a colored man. Some j
idea ot the strength of his skull may ,
liCs formed from the fact of his having j
a day or two since butted in the head
of a porter cask upon which a hammer
M'onUl make no impression.
I)rRiN'o a late, concert at the City
Hall, in Manchester, several of the i
seats, having been spoken for, were!
label led "engaged." Upon the audi-,
cnce leaving, it was ascertained that
one of the ladies walked home with
the word "engaged,** in large letters,
upon her back ; one of the labels having
been fastened to her dress.
-7 'acKiiaiiAinBws.
Thoughts and Facts.
Thk Arab's tent is small?but he has
sunrise for hia front door.
Laziness travels so slowly that povj
ertv soon overtakes her.
the pebbles in our path weary us,1
and make us foot-sore, more than the i
rocks which only require a bold effort
to surmount.
It is worse to deal with nn ass than
*v.? n ...:n
IU UVfll Ullll II I vllKV * IVI U I ? Yt III, |
' sometimes do right; out an asa does
j not know how to do right even when
he is so disposed.
A lady speaking of a passionate has-;
band, said she never put" starch in his
' dicky, because it was so very easy to'
get his color up without it.
; In spite of the exhortations of all the
feminine tea-total orators, all women
, are more or less addicted to their glass!
Mrs. Partington expresses great apprehension
that the people in California
will bleed to death, as every paper
i she picks up announces another "vein \
| opened."
A boy was asked who made him.? ,
[ With his hands levelled a toot above,
I the floor, he replied : "God made mo a
h iinlo oov, so mgn, ami i grew the
J rest."
Which he AVoitld Takk.?A gentleman
was once walking in a street, when
he met a stone cutter whom he thus
addressed:
"Mv good fellow, if the devil was to.
come now, which of us would he take?*1
| After a little hesitation, the man rei
plied.
1 "Are sir."
Annoyed by this reply, the querist
asked him for a reason.
"Because, yer honor, he would be!
glad to ketch meself?sure; ami hcM
have you at any time."
?
Pkuskrvaxck.?A provincial judge,
, a great bore in his way, called upon
' Bantru, wishing to sec him. A valet
announced him.
I 'Tell him I am in bed.'
'Sir. lie says he will wait till you arc
' risen.1
'Tell him I am very ill.1
'Ifesavs he will nre.-eribesome rem'
. !
1 'Toll him I am at the last extremity.1
! 'He Slivs he wishes to sav udieu to
it"
you.
'Toll him I am dead.1
( 'Ho says ho will sprinkle you with
; holy water.1
'Confound him, lot him in !?Franc?
and Frenr/nnar.
Wiikx you sleoj>at a meeting, do it
without disguise or concealment?a
church ?is no place for liypocracv, besides,
to sleep at your ease on such occasion
shows that your conscience docs
in if" ti'iiiililn x*i?n
Tin: ('hinesc arc a queer people to go
to market. A friend at Canton, writes
uKemlieh Van Tassel 1," that a neighbor
of his} had just laid in his winter's
provisions?a hind quarter of a horse
and two barrels of hull-dogs. The latter
salted to keep.
- -
"Is them fellers alive now C said an
urchin to his teacher.
| 'NY hat fellows do you mean mv dear?'
'Why, Paul, and Luke, and Deuteronomy,
and them.'
; 'William, I fear 3*011 are forgetting1
me,' said a bright-eved girl to her
sweet-heart the other day.
'Yes, sure 1 have been for getting
you these two years.'
uXo levity, Master Stuhhs?this is'
the second time to-day; that you have
tried to make light of Daholt's Arithmetic?do
it again, and I'll peel a sapling-"
A cokonKit's jurv in Michigan were I
called on lately to sit on a hat and jacket
found on the hanks on the lake, and
after six hours deliberation, returned a
verdict of "Forxo Emity."
i
Hi; that hath a trade, hath an estate;
and he. that hath a calling, hatha place
of honor and profit. A ploughman on
his legs, is higher than a gentleman on
his knees.?Fkankmx.
Chkap.?A man has been found one
cent for shooting a newspaper editor in |
Texas.
We hope the price ranges higher in
this part of the country.
Ax Ixsjjfr atio>\?- A late number <f
an Indiana paper announced the de-,
strnction of an editor's hat, whereupon i
a neighboring journal expresses the
uujh; huii wore were not many lives
lost.
A Qvakkreks, being jealous of her Iiuh- ,
band, took occasion to watch bin movements 1
rather cluaely, and actunlly discovered the j
truant hugging and ,kissing a pretty servantj
girl whilst seated on the sofa by hor aide.?!
Broadbrim wa* not long in discovering the)
face of his wife, as she pooped through tbo,
'half open door, and tiding with all ttm cool j
no** of a general, tlm* ad?tre?ed her :
"Betsy, my wife, thee bad letter quit tby f
jroepiiig, or tboc will onnao a disturbance in
the family." The otTeft was electrical. '
Jj' J.L.LBJU11 . J1-!.
for^TH^TOITK
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PHILADELPHIA A t> VEHTI8EMJSNT.
..
DOCTOH VOI RSELF.
Phe Pookfct iEsctilapius?
OR, KVKKr ORE Ills OWN PUYftfclAK.
&rpHK FIFTIETH RDlTlOX/ *ftlrOno
Huinirud Engravings, nfacWtn# IHs ftso*
an?l Malformations of tW Hum*#
BytU'tn in ever^r rh?po and fortn. To
which is nddod * Treatise on ttio Itisoaers
^VTr ^'iimlis, i'ving of (lie highest impornncc
t? married people, or those Contemplating
iinrriago. By Willism Yer*?, ftt, D. - . *.
Lot no father hcftrhnrncd to present a conv of
ti? At&cm.A viua?/, i*
am from an curly gruvc. Let no yOTffip mart or
vom ui enter Into the secret obligation* of mar
iage without rending th<i ?p KK7 .A'8CULAt'iVe*.
Let no one ?uffenng from a hucknicd
tough, l'ain in the.aide, restless a, nervous
celings, niul the whole train of Dy?|u>ptic aensnions,
and given up their phvuieinn. be another
nomont without consulting tfie jEfSCULAP}tff&
ItnvA those married, or those al>out to he mom,-'
hi nny impediment, read v!iL? truly Hte$S It?"*/u
it Ins dcon the menus of saving thousands ??C
unfortunate creatures from the very jnw* of death/
1ST Any jbcrson sending 5fWii/|/-r?rr Cent? on1
idosed in ii fetter, will ncelte one eofiy of ifts*
work hy mail, or five copies sent for one Dhlntt
-VdUrcsK (tewt-pukl) Dk. WM, YQl'HWi
I K?l Ommiaa.VOI.OI
' ' !' '? >'? !..> A
June 8 fy
The Teiuperauec Standard.
rpiIE UNDERSIGNED would rcspoctfully ?JL
nounce to the friends of Temperance generally
that they intend to commence the publication
of a Temperance l'aper, about the loin of J-~e
next, provided a sufficient nttntber ofMnbserfbefw
can lie obtained to warrant the undertaking.
Jt will he printed upon substantial paper of
Imperial siae, and will contain '24 columns of
matter. It will be denominated the '**outh Carolina
Temnei-nnee SlnOilimt " mil wtll lm ?? !>.
litJied every two weeks, at tlio price of One ^Dollar
i?or annum. As noon a* fifteen hundred snbfoyit.-rs
nre obtained, wc will publish it woe kly
at the same price.
Our sole oiijeet in to Advocate tho cause ofToinpcrancc;
anil particularly the legislative Pronibition
of the Traffic in Intoxicating Drinks;
and to prepare the masses of tho people of our
State, for tlie enactment of such a l.aw, l?y convincing
thctn of Its expediency and neceesity.
Wo will endeavor to innkeit a welcome visitor
in every family. Nothing will be ndmittcd
into its columns of n worthless and immoral tendency.
A strict neutrality will he maintained on all
subjects of n political ami religious sectarian character.
No subscription will he received for less
than on year, and in every ease the order must,
be accompanied by the money.
We hope all persons feeling an interest in tho
success of this enterprise, will oxurt themselves in
getting subscriptions, and as soon thereafter as
convenient send us their lists, Post masters arc
requested to act as Agents.
All communications intended for the paper
must be post paid, and addressed to the "South
Carolina Temperance Standard," Lexington C. II.r
S. C.
KG. CAUCIIMAN, )
J. R. HUE ARE, V Editors A PnoiTir.Tons.
S. CORLEY, )
The Southern Cultivator,
A MONTHLY JOURNAL, devoted exclusive*
ly to the Improvement of Southern Agriculture,
Stock brooding. Poultry, Bees, General
Farm Economy, Ac., Ac. ilbistrated with numerous
Elegant Engravings. *
OXE DOLT.AR A YEA RIX AD VANCE
Danikl Lrr, M. D., A I>. Rkowowo, Editors.
The Twelfth Vol tone, <7 ready Improved, cotmnmced
January, 1854.
Tint CrLTiv.iTon, is a large octavo of Thirty-two
rages, forming a volume of 384 pages in the venr.
t contains a much greater amount of reading
matter tiian any similar publication A the South
?embracing in addition to the current agricultural
tonics ot the day, Valuable original contributions
from man v of the most intelligent and jtraedeal
Planter*, k'nnaers and Horticulturists iu ev*
cry section of the South and South-west. '/
Terms.
One Copy. one year, $1; Six Copies, one year, $5
Twenty five, " " $20; One Hundred" " $75.
TiikCash Ststkm will l>e rigidly adhered tw.
una in i?o> mstnm-o will tlie paper be nenl nnleee
tho raooey accompanies the order. TW BilV *f
oil ?]>ecie-p*yiiM( B*nke received" at par. All
money remitteoby moil, pontage-paid, will bs
*t the risk of the Publisher. Adores*,
WILLIAM H. JON EH, Augusta. Ga.
tar Persons who will act as Amenta, and obtaia
mbscribera, will be furnished with tho paper at
club prices. May 26, 1864. f S
Drawing-Room Companion.
A Record of the Icaiitifui and um/uI in Art.
rWie object of tlie paper is to present, if*
JL the most elegant and available form, a _
weekly literary melange of notuble events of
the day. Its coiuran* are devoted to origin- .
r?l tales, sketches and poems, by the
BEST AMERICAS ACTUOltfl. ^
and the cream of tho domestic arid foreign O
news ; tho whole well spiced with wit and
humor. Each paper is
DZU'TliaUf Il.LfSTRATEP
with numerous accurate engravings, by cw
inent artists, 01*potable objects, current events
in all parts of tho world, and of men and
manner, altogether makiorf S paper entirely 1(
orginal in its design, in this country/ Its
pages contain views of every populous city fn
the known world, of all butlJisgs of note in
uio tiisiui ii ur nwuTll uemispnere,, ?? all the
principal shipe and steamer* of the navy ami
merchant eorviee, with fine and accurateportraits
of every noted character in the* 1
world, both nia'o niwl female, ^Vetches ot
beautiful scenery, token from life, will rT*q
be given, with numerous specimens fror tlta: &
birds of the air, and the tisk of the sea. If *
is printed on fine white paper, with new and< I
aaqutiful type, presenting in its mechanical 1
execution an clegan- pennon ?.f art. The. |
size of the paper is f.tteen hundred nan sixtv *1
four square inches, giving n great nmunt of '
reading matter ami illust rations? a manmotli
weekly paper of*i\tecn OtfiavQ pages. I
Kaeh si\ 111<>ii111 \\ ill make a volume of 11<? I
pages, with about ??ne thouSlthd splendid en- I
graving*. I
Term > ! N V A P (A UliV IN A1?VAN( K.. 1
1 HiiWiilx-r, one yenf lioo |
4 subscribers,44 44 44 15 On
1 0 4 4 44 44 20 00
Ono copy of Tin: Fi.au or org V<MoN
Mid ono copy of Gi.kaho*'? Pictoki al^IKsih! .
taken together by one person, for ono year. .
Tlie PlCTollIAI. I >11 AWIX(1 RoOi> ^
i'mon may Ih- obtained nt any oi th? pen 1
fKlicid depot* throughout th* counter, nltd *il
newsmen, nt six cent* per single copy." jAM
Published every Saturday lyr ^ ^JEgS
Co r. if Titnunl and