! PORT PtOlT-A.1-.
1 Standard and Commercial.
4
VOL. Y. NO. 1. BEAUFORT, S. C., THURSDAY, DECEMBER 7, 1876. $2.00 per Ann. ' SinglB Copy 5 Cents.
The Battle of Bltahelm.
It wu a tmnmer evening,
Old Km per'a work vu done;
And he before hie oottage door
Wu sitting in the son,
And by him sported on the green
Hie little grandchild, Wilhelmlne.
She saw her brother Peterkin
Boll something large and round,
That he beside the rivnlet,
In playing there had found;
He came to ask what he had found,
That was so large, and smooth, and round.
Old Kasper took it from the boy,
Who stood expectant by ;
And then the old man shook his head,
And with a natural sigh,
" Tie some poor fellow's skull,' said he,
" Who fell in the great victory.
" I find them in the garden, for
Tt, 'j manv h rA ahftnt
f AUV4V ? w""?7 ? " "
And oftcu when I go to plow,
The plowshare turns them out;
For man; thousand men,1' said he,
"Were slain in the great victory."
" Now tell us what 'twas all about,"
Tonng Peterkin he cries,
And little Wilbelmine locks up
With wonder wa.t.':.g ejes ;
"N w tell us all about the war,
And wwat they killed each other for."
" It was the English," Ka^-per cried,
' That put the French to rout;
But what they killed each other for
I could not.well make out
Bat everybody said," quoth he,
That 'twas a famous viotory.
" My father lived at Blenheim then,
Yon little st> earn hard by ;
They burnt bis dwelling to the ground.
And he wa<* foiC~d to fly ;
80 with bis wife aud ohild he fled,
Nor had he where to lay his head.
' With Are and sword the country round
Was wasted far and wide,
And many a childing mother then,
4nd new born infant died.
But t jings like that, you know, must be
At every famous victory.
41 G/eat praise the Duke of Marlbro' Iron,
* And onr good Prince Eugene."
" Why, 'twas a very wicked thing,"
Said little Wilhelmiue.
" Nay? Day, my little girl," quoth he,
44 It'was a famous victory.
41 Ai d everyb. dr praised the fluke,
Who such a fight did win."
4- Bu: wl at good came of it at last ?"
Quoth little Petetkin.
41 Why, that I cannot tell," said he,
"fiBl ,sw?3 t >UQ;U tikwi;.
ACCIDENTS OF A LIFE.
THE WONDERFUL ADVENTURES
OF A NEW YORK MERCHANT.
About eleven o'clock on a mild Decmber
night, in the year 1808, Mr.
Nicholas Young, a respectable merchant
of New York city, turned the key in his
stor*> door and directed his steps homeward.
He had been busily engaged in taking
account of stock, and was, therefore, unusually
late. A model of regularity in
all his habits, he was never known to be
out of hi9 house after ten in the evening,
except on srch periodical occasions
as the present.
He was a plain man of forty-five, who
had never married, andfthabited an unpretending
but oomfortable abode in
what was then the semi-rural district
about Bleecker street. His family consisted
solely of his old housekeeper and
a colored man.
He had not walked far on the night in
question, when he was startled by a cry
as of a female in distress, seemingly
proceeding from a close carriage, which
was driving past at a moderate rate of
speed. The vehicle had not gone twenty
yards further before the cry was again
raised, clear and shrill, and he distinctly
saw a white handkerchief waving from
the window.
Constitutionally fearless, and endowed
with no small share of native chivalry,
Mr. YouDg lost ro time in hastening to
the rescue of the presumed captive.
Accident seemed to favor him, for just
then the driver dropped his whip, and,
before he could recover it and regain
his seat, the merchant was at the carriage
door, which he attempted to open.
He was resisted by a strong grasp from
within, while a man thrust his head
from the window and angrily demanded
what was meant by suoh unwarrantable
intrusion.
Mr. Young as peremptorily inquired
whether a female was being carried off
against her will, and stated his intention
of searching into the matter. He was
answered at onoe by a blow on the head
from a slungshot, or similar instrument,
which felled him to the ground insensible.
On recovering, he found himself
lying, gagged and bound, at the bottom
of the coach, which was being driven
furiously. Defenseless as a sheep borne
to the shambles, he oould only await his
fate with such resignation as he oould
muster.
Hours seemed to pass before the vehiole
came to a stop, when the door was
opened and he was lifted out in perfect
silence by two stout men. He now saw,
by the glimmering starlight, that they
were standing on the further end of a
long wharf?a pier?the other extremity
of which was hidden in darkness. Rocking
on the waves, almost under theii
feet, lay a small rowboat. Into this,
still without a word being spoken, he
was transferred by the same hands, and
it was then made fast to the stern of e
Bailing vessel, which lay close by with
all her canvas set. His two cap ton
climbed aboard the latter craft, whose
anchor was immediately weighed, anc
she stood out to sea, towing Mr. Young,
alone and helpless, behind her.
Before morning the boat was oast off
the sailing vessel quickly disappearec
from his view, and the unfortunate mer
chant found himself drifting, withou
oars or provisions, at the mercy of th<
wave* When day broke, he had sue
in freeing one of his hand*, an<
shortly afterward released himself froii
all hia fastenings. He now disooyerei
that his pockets had been rifled, and his
watch and wallet taken, together with
the keys of his office door and safe.
On the morning following Mr.
Young's abduotion, Mrs. Comfit, his
housekeeper, awaited in vain his ap- 86
pearance at the breakfast table. Never D!
before, during the fifteen years she had .
lived with him, had he been ten minutes
behind time. Of course, he must be .
indisposod. With some trepidation she in
she went up stairs and knocked at his
chamber door. The summons, again P1
and again repeated, awakened no re- 10
sponse. He might have gone out for a ^
walk, though such bad never been his
habit. An hour passed, and she grew m
seriously alarmed. Finally, when a cc
business acquaintance of Mr. Yoang's P{
called to inquire why his store remained
olosed, Mrs. Comfit procured assistance, at
and her master's door was broken open. P'
A careful search of the apartment only ftr
resulted in showing that it had apparently
not been occupied during the pre
oeding night. ~
Days and weeks rolled on, and nothing
was teen or heard of the missing *
merchant. Advertisements appeared in ^
the leading journals, offering liberal re- J"
ward8 for information concerning him ; *?
but none was forthcoming. The case
created considerable excitement as well I51
in the community at large, as among J*
Mr. Young's immediate connections, ^
but all attempts to unravel tne mystery
proved unavailing ; and when, one w
morning, his office safe was found open, 61
and robbed of all its valuable oontents, cc
the conclusion was generally arrived at j3'
that he had been foully dealt with, and 1(?
that liis reappearance was not to be
looked for. A distant relative of the ai
lost man came forward, instituted the b<
neoeesary proceedings, and took quiet ar
possession of the property which Mr.
Young had toiled through so many years ~
to amass. tr
To return, now, to our ill-fated hero a
himself. P1
After drifting in his boat for two J"
mys, the weather being fortunately *?
aim iind moderate, he was pioked up by m
i homeward bound Italian brig. As m
VIr. Young spoke only his native lan- 71
fuage, of which none of his rescuers unlerstood
a siugle word, he could oom- ?]
nuuicate very little respecting himself, a
ind was barely able to make out the
lame of the port to which they were
sailing. Just before entering the fo
\tediterraney, they were ohased and cc
aptured by a pirate, to whom they ai
x>uld offer no resistance. Their vessel
was scuttled, and themselves were car- f?
ried as slaves to the coast of Morooco. ,n
By the Italians Young had been treated Vi
kindly; at the han?s of the half-savage *e
captors, he met with nothing but hard- 01
ship, being forced to toil almost inces- I1
santly beneath a burning sun. I sc
After three years of this suffering, he j ?
effected his escape by the aid a fellow
slave,, an Englishman, with whom he J
was sometimes allowed to go fishing,
and with whom, nndtr cover of night, <
he flung himself overboard and swam to V}
the opposite ooast of Spain, where they ; tr
found themselves with no possessions but ^
the clothes on their backs. They man- < A1
aged to make their way to the nearest; g
seaport town, whence they intended, if | \
possible, to procure a passage to the j
United States. All went well; a ship ; ^
was uoon found, which in a few days g]
was to weigh anchor for New York, and ' w
on which their services were at once en-j fa
gaged for the voyage. ^
Almost on the eve of their embarka- rc
tion, a fearful murder was committed in
the house where the fugitives werelodg- 0j
ing. Circumstances points strongly ol
toward them as the perpetrators, and , f
they were arrested on suspicion. Poor, ; e,
friendless, and ignorant of the language , m
of their persecutors, they were unable ^
to make an adequate defense, and were i w
summarily found guilty. Mr. Yonng's j g(
unfortunate companion was executed, ; g,
ind he himself sentenced to the galleys ! 2]
for life. tc
After he had undergone the lingering i
horrors of this worst of punishment for ' a]
Ave years, the real murderer was made ; ^
known by a deathbed oonfession, and ; 31
Mr. Young was set at liberty. His story , ^
had excited the active sympathy of sev- ; ^
eral humane individuals, and he found ' Ql
no difficulty in procuring means of j r(
transportation to Ins own country. In j 'U|
a fev weeks he onoe more trod the j
street? of .New lora, neaiiy eigm years ; sl
from the time of his enforced departure; j s(
but ha returned to find himself a beg-, ^
gar. His relative had thrown away his ,x
property in wild speculations, and died, ! ^
the year before, hopelessly insolvent, j Cl
Broken in health and spirits, and pre-1 ^
mata ely old, the onoe prosperous mer- J CT
ohant, after his protracted misfortune, j ai
men ed solely by yielding to a sudden ! tj.
impr se of humanity, was driven to the j ^
| ooouj ation of selling small wares at a ! w
stall outside Washington market, and yj
migh have been regularly seen thus en- j,
gaged for several years, until prostrated I ^
by a lingering sickness which brought, g,
him to hisead, under circumstanoes of j C)
lamentable privation. j ^
Who shall say that the ways of Provi- j ^
dence in this world are not inscrutable t i .'
?Illustrated Weekly. ! .
!b
A Polaek Wedding.
A Milwaukee paper, describing a Po- i
! 1 - 1 QQTTQ* Ar>r? TuVlftf. I .
; 13CK WOUUUlg ui iiuav viiij) m?ju. .. , u
; do you think the bride was dressed int D
i! A blue satin dress and green glass g
, | breastpin ? Not exactly, but a blue p
drea.% green sash, white tarletan veil, j p
' and was attended by bridesmaids in {\
, | green dresses, red sashes, and wreaths of j >t
: white artificial flowers. They formed a | j]
procession at the bride's residence. z
.! First, the bride and attendants; then the j i,
groom and his supporters ; then the ! t
, i friends and the crowd which always ao-1 j
L com panies such a pageant ; all this pre- j v
i ceded by a baud of music, larger or j H
t) smaller, as the means of the groom will | a
I allow; with a running accompaniment of : s
j pistol firing aBd noises of all kinds. j s
f They then marched from the house to ' \
t the church, where the priest performed f
j the oeremony, after which they adjourn- e
i ed to some saloon, where they " danced e
1 all night, till broad daylight, and went (
. home with the girls in the morning." ]
t And that is Polaok style. j
- i The British admiralty have ordered 1
I the immediate construction of sixst~' l :
i j corvettes to serve as cruisers in the Pa- j j
II oifio and Chinese waters. ' I
Fur Trimmings.
Fur trimmings Trill be used more than
er this winter, says Harper ? Bamar.
hey are wider than formerly, and are
en not only on wraps, but on polo
tises and skirts of dresses, and also on
lildren's clothes. There are many
lit&tions and dyed furs in market sold
low prices, but there is no economy
buying them, as they crock and soon
shabby. Furriers show among low
iced furs for trimming children's clothg
black and brown cony bands, well
ade, but only two inches wide, for
:ty cents a yard. Black marten trimings
are mbre used than ever, and are
immendtd as durable when well preired
and thoroughly deodorized. The
seoe is so long that the pelt an inch
id a half wide gives a band that ap?ars
nearly three inches broad; these
e $1.75 to $3; bands three inches wide
1 the pelt are very handsome, and cost
>. 50 a yard. The silvered black marten
-withsilver hairs sewed in, not glued?is
1.50 a yard for bands an inch and a half
ide on the pelt; double this width it is
1 50 a yard. Black hare trimmings ap)ar
well, as they are silky looking and
ng, but they are not serviceable, as the
irori flooAA r?rrv?kq and the hairs fall out:
rice from seventy-five cents to $2 a
ird. Coon borders are very handsome,
ith their brown shades and light tips;
ley are what they profess to be, will
ear well, and are considered good
lough to trim black silk cloaks. They
>8t from $2 to $3 a yard. Black jeanitte
is an even, durable fur,* not of
ng fleece, but much liked for trimming
oth garments. Borders three inohes
id a half wide are $4. Natural gray fox
mds are not very good for wear, but
e showy, and cost $3 for the best quali08;
there are many imitations of this
reRsy fur. Colored gray fox is this
imming dyed black, and sold for $3.50
yard. Blue fox trimmings are very
retty light fleece for $6. White fox
mds?not the hare, but the veritable
ix?are $2 a yard. Natural lynx trimings
of reddish shade are now being
uch used in Paris; they are about $5 a
ird.
For more expensive trimmings, the
ret noted is the gray chinchilla, two and
half inohes wide on the pelt, for $6;
lese bands are split, and sold for $3 a
ird. The lovely but delicate silver
ix trimmings are from $8 to $15, ac>rding
to width. The fisher tail bands
e dark and durable, and cost from $16
- ??J. of <K>n or* rtrtw arilrl
I K ytXJLSJL | UliVOU nil y?v ?uv mvt* w%*
r $35 in Paris. The fisher is fast beg
exterminated, and it is even now
?ry difflenlt to get the skins. Brown
ia otter is beautiful for brown cloaks or
)stumes, and costs from $10 to $25 a
ird with or without silver hairs. Hud>n
bay sable tail trimmings are $15 a
ird, and are almost as handsome as
nssian sable.
The Decadence of Hallowe'en.
The glory of this onoe popular festi\1
has departed, says the Times. It*
iumphs and rough jollities, festivals
id strange rites are matters of history,
id live only in the immortal verse of
urns and traditional lore. The timid
maryllis of these more prosaic times
oes not trust her matrimonial fate to
ie doubtful chance of pioking out,
lindfolded, the basin of dirty or clean
ater, or of depending for a "weel
tur'd " man on the likelihood of " pooig
" at the stroke of midnight a straight
>oted "kail runt." There are still
apt up in the western and rural parts
I southern Scotland and Ireland some
f the rough old games peculiar to this
istival, but all over the world, wherrer
Scotchmen, Englishmen or Irishten
are domiciled, the trail of civilizaon
is over them all. Evening parties,
ith a ring hid mysteriously away in
)me elegant work of the pastry cook's
anias, have taken the place of the
reat " black pot" full of mashed pota>es
and milk, around which the guests
athered and supped M spoon and spoon
ike," until they all became puffei out
ke plethoric bailies. The rough reel
id jig have been replaced by the seduove
waltz or pleasant quadrille, and the
ilarious " hoohs " and clatter of hob
ailed boots, which in olden times made
>of and rafters dir!, mingling in inarmonious
numbers with the squeakig
of a villainous eld fiddle have been
loceeded by the rustling of silks, the
>ft breathing of whispered love, or unleaning
prattle, and the strains of the
igh-toned Centennial prize pianoforte,
tke the curious marriage and funeral
istoms of old, strange mixture of pain
and Christian, and peculiarly social
istoms, the old Hallowe'en revelries
e gone. Even in New York, among
le Scotch inhabitants, they live in the
lemory only as .traditions?pleasant
aditions, it is true, but never to be reived
or re-enacted on this earthly stage.
1 a few years, when the older generaon
gives place to the new, when modern
)cial customs shall have effectively
rowded out of existence the antique
leasmtries of older conditions of soieties,
the " heirs of civilization " will
mgh at the absurdities of "the old
)lks "?and be laughed at in their turn
ereafter.
A Useful Suggestion.
Most of the city and town halls dotted
ver oar country are, from the outside,
in Knnat rtf ond inciilo lnnlr QC
UIUULI? IV Uutwi/ VI) uuu auujiuv tuvu mw
aunt and grim as whitewash and gray
aint can make them. It has been
ointed out recently how much better
t would be if these bare walls weie
lorned with paintings on a grand scale,
llustrative of the lives of famous citiens
and the noteworthy incidents of
:>oal history. The capture of a fort;
h9 invention of a steam engine ; the
Incovery of an unknown sea ; the lonely
ruteli of the astronomer ; the writing of
ome famous book ; these and kindred
,11 the poetry of art. The influence of
uch paintings on the community would
ubjects might well be represented with
>e immense. Every attendance at a
>ublic meeting would be a lesson in
esthetics, and a silent stimulus to
jvery citizen to distinguish himself by
leeds of usefulness and heroism.
Honey spent thus in deooration would
lever show a return in pounds, shillings
ind pence ; but it might yield a rioh
Harvest of noble deeds ; and many a
Tui t, sle?py littJo town can boast of
mcidenU to which the highest ait will
And it difficult to do justioe.
Co-operation in Great Britain.
As few people in this country have
any idea of the number, value, usefulness
and magnitude of the oo-operative
associations in Great Britain, it will be
interesting to state a few facts relative
to them. And from these our industrious
classes may learn what their fellow
workmen abroad are doing to improve
their condition. In no civilized
country on tho globe do the middlemen,
or the shopkeepers, merchants, and
traders, make more out of the consum
ers than in the United States, arom
producer or manufacturer to the consumer
is a long, circuitous, and expensive
way. Generally many profits are
added to the original cost before an
article gets into the hand of the ultimate
purchaser and consumer. Not infrequently
the price becomes doubled.
The laboring people of Great Britain
found, as a writer on this subject says,
that there was " little to earn and many
to keep "?that in fact they were reduced
to such a desperate struggle to
keep body and soul together that a
penny saved in buying the necessaries
of life would be of great importance.
Co-operation societies sprung from the
urgent necessity of making a penny go
At far as possible. Happily there was a
sufficient number of intelligent workingmen
to lead off and to direct others in
this matter. The result has been that
within a few yeajs these oo-operative associations
have spread over many parts ,
of the country, and have suoceeded won-1
derfully.
While the principle upon which the
oo-operative societies wcrk is the
same among all of them, the mode
of operation is different in some oases.
Some of the societies, for instance, as in
London, sell articles to the members at
wholesale cost, less the expenses of
management, while those at hrfbd in
the neighborhood of Glasgow* Scotland,
sell at the ordinary market prioe, or a
trifle less, and divide the profits in an
equitable and a judicious manner, but
few have always furnished goods of the
first quality. A writer mentions the
fact that at the Kinning park co-opeiative
association the loaf factory sends
out every morning five wagons with sixteen
thousand loaves of good bread and
full weight, and that tins bread is distributed
among thirty-eight co-operative
stores within a radius of fifteen
miles of Glasgow. But this is only one of
the co-operative works. There are
others supplying all sorts of necessary
things, and they are all affiliated and
belong to the associated members. This,
evidently, is one of the most important
economical movements of the age, and is
doing a vast deal of good to the working
classes!
An Indian Legend.
The following story, selected from an
Eastern teacher, may be applicable in
all climes and by all people :
There was once a beautiful damsel
upon whom one of the good genii
wished to bestow a blessing. Ho led
her to the edge of a large field of corn,
where ho said to her :
" Daughter, in the field before us the
ears of corn, in the hands of those who
pluck them in faith, shall have talismanic
virtues, and the virtue shall be in
proportion to the size and beauty of the
ear gathered. Thou shalt pass through
the field once, and pluck one ear. It
must be taken as thou goest forward,
and thou shalt not stop in thy path, nor
shalt thou retrace a single step in quest
of thine object Select an ear full and
fair, and according to its size and beauty
shall be its value to thee as a talisman."
The maiden thanked the good genius,
and then set forward upon her quest.
As she advanced she saw many ears of
co*n, large, ripe and beautiful, such as
calm judgment might have told her
would possess virtues enough; but in
her eagerness to grasp the very best she
left these fair ears behind, hoping that
she might find one still larger and
fairer. At length, as the day was closing,
she reached a part of the field where the
stalks were shorter and thinner, and the
ears very small and shriveled. She
now regretted the grand ears she had
left behind, and disdained to piok from
the poor show around her, for here she
found not an ear which bore perfect
grain. She went on, bnt, alas ! only to
fiud the stalks more and more feeble
and blighted, until in the end, as the
day was closing, and the night coming
on, she fonnd herselfe at the end of the
field without having plucked an ear of
any kind.
No need that the genius should rebuke
her for her folly. She saw it
clearly when too late, as how many, in
all climes and in all ages, in the evening
of life call sadly and regretfully to mind
the thousand golden opportunities forever
lost because they were not plucked
in their season.
The Game Laws of England.
A remarkable "game case," involving
a question of some importance, was
tried in an English court recently. Two
miners, named McDonald and Sinclair,
were accused of trespassing, in pursuit
of game, on lands the property of Mr.
Forbes, of Callendar. From the evidence,
it appeared that the miners were
j walking along a public road, and had
j two dogs with them, whioh entered an
I adjoining field, and, after coursing it,
I hunted a rabbit into a stone dike built
I Kotmaon tViA rno/1 and the field. McDon
I aid left the road, got upon the top ol
j the dike, and watched the escape of the
i rabbit, while Sinclair stood on the roadside
close to the dike, from whioh he removed
some of the stones, and then secured
the animal. It was contended foi
the prosecution that McDonald, having
left the road and gone upon the top ol
tho fence, had committed a trespass, anc
a conviction was asked. As to whethei
Sinclair had committed a trespass b]
inserting his hand within the fence it
was left to the court to say. On behal
of the miners it was urged that thej
were not guilty of entering or being upoi
lands in pursuit of game as set forth ii
the complaint, and that there must to
actual personal entrance to the lands be
fore a contravention of the statute wai
committed. The court took thi9 view o
the matter and acquitted the aocused
j who ihus remained masters of thesitua
j tion and of the rabbit,
A CANDIDATE'S STORY.
Mark Twain Telia how h* Ran for Office
and the Reanlt.
Now that the election is over we can
reread with interest Mark Twain's i
sketch of his first aspiration for office
and the result. Mark says :
A few months ago I was nominated
for governor of the great State of New
York, to ran against Stewart L. Woodford
and John T. Hoffman, on an independent
ticket. I somehow felt tbat I
had one prominent advantage over these
gentlemen, and that was, good character.
It was easy to see by the newspapers,
tha* if ever they had known what
it was to bear a good name, that time
had gone by. It was plain that in these
latter years they had became familiar
with aU manner of shameful crimes. Bat
at the very moment that I was exalting
my advantage and joying in it in secret,
there was a muddy undercurrent of dis
i 1?l << ? ?? ik. J?? v.a..
ooixiiuri " riiujg tun uocpo ui u*j u?j/piness?and
that was the having to hear
my name bandied abont in familiar connection
with those of each people. I
grew more and more disturbed. Finally
I wrote my grandmother abont it. Her
answer came quick and sharp. She
said :
"Ton have never done one single
thing in all your life to be ashamed of?
not one. Look at the newspapers?look
at them and oomprehend what sort of
characters Woodford and Hoffman are,
and then see if you are willing to lower
yourself to their level and enter a public
canvass with them."
It was mv very thought 1 I did not
sleep a single moment that night. But
after all, I could not recede. I was fully
committed and must go on with the
fight. As I was looking listlessly over
the papers at breakfast, I came across
this paragraph, and I may truly say I
never was so confounded before :
" Perjury.?Perhaps, now that Mr.
Mark Twain is before the people as a
candidate for governor, he will condescend
to explain how he came to be convicted
of perjury by thirty-four witnesses,
in Wakawak, Cochin China, in
1863, the intent of which perjury was to
rob a poor native widow and her helpless
family of meager plantain patch,
their only stay and support in their bereavement
and their desolation. Mr.
Twain owes it to himself, as well as to
the great people whose suffrages he
asks, to clear this matter up. Will he
do it r
I thought I should burst with amazement
1 Such a cruel, heartless charge?
I never had seen Cochin China! I never
had heard of Wakawak! I didn't know
a plantain patch from a kangaroo ! I did
not know what to do. I was crazed and
helpless. I let the day slip away without
doing anything at alL The next
morning the same paper had this?nothing
more.
" SieNrpiOANT.?Mr. Twain, it will be
observed, is suggestively silent about
the Cochin China perjury."
[Mem.?During the rest of the cam
# 3 A
p&ign tins paper never reierrea w mo 111
any other way than ?as " the infamous
perjurer Twain."]
Next came the Gazette with this:
"Wanted to Know.?Will the new
candidate for governor deign to explain
to oertain of his fellow citizens (who are
suffering to vote for him !) the little circumstance
of his cabin mates in Montana
losing small valuables from time
to time, until at last, these things having
been invariably found on Mr.
Twain's person or in his "trunk"
(newspapers he rolled his traps in), they
felt compelled to give him a friendly admonition
for his own good, and so
tarred and feathered him and rode him
on a rail, and then advised him to leave
a permanent vacuum in the place he
usually occupied in the camp. Will he
do this ?"
Could anything be more deliberately
malicious than that ? For I never was
in Montana in my life.
[After this, this journal customarily
spoke of me as " Twain, the Montana
Thief."]
The next newspaper article that attracted
my attention was the following:
" A Sweet Candidate.?Mark Twain,
who was to make such a blighting speech
at the mass meeting of the Independents,
didn't come to time! A telegram
from his physician stated that he had
been knocked down by a runaway team
"* * 1 1wIaato onffov.
ana nis leg uru&eu imwu
er lying in great agony, and so forth,
and so forth, and a lot more bosh of the
same sort. And the Independents tried
hard to swallow the wretched subterfuge
and pretend that they did not know
what was the real reason of the absence
of the abandoned creature whom they
denominate their standard bearer. A
certain man was seen to reel into Mr.
Twain's hotel last night in a beastly
state of intoxication. It is the imperative
duty of the Independents to prove
that this besotted brute was not Mark
Twain himself. We have them at last!
This is a case that admits of no shirking.
The voice of the people demands
in thunder tones: 'Who was that
1 man ?'"
i It was incredible, absolutely incredii
bio, for a moment, that it was really my
name that was coupled with this disi
graceful suspicion. Three long years
had passed over my head since I had
tasted ale, beer, wine, or liquor of any
i I Vind.
1 [It shows what effect the times were
i having on me when I say that I saw myself
confidently dubbed "Mr. Delirium
i Tremens Twain " in the next issue of
that journal without a pang?notwith!
standing I knew that with monotonous
> fidelity the paper would go on calling
me so to the very end. 1
By this time anonymous letters were
1 getting to be an important part of my
r mail matter. This form was common :
I "How about that old woman you
f kiked of your premisers which was begl
ing. Pol Pbt."
r And this:
r "There is things which you have
t done which is unbeknowens to anybody
I but me. Tou better trot out a few dols.
r to yours truly or you'll hear thro' the
1 papers from Handy Andy."
i This is about the idea. I could oon9
tinue them till the reader was surfeited,
- if desirable.
s Shortly the principal Republics!
f journals "oonvicted" me of wholesali
, bribery, snd the leading Democrat]<
r paper " nailed " an aggravated case o
blackmailing to me.
? _
[In this way I aoqnired two additional
names : "Twain, the Filthy Corruptionist,"aud
"Twain, the Loathsome Em f
bracer."]
By this time there had grown to
such a clamor for an " answer " to all j
the dreadful charges that were laid to 0
me, that the editors and leaders of my v
party said it would be political ruin for
me to remain silent any longer. As if [
to make their appeal the more impera- f
tive, the following appeared in one of ?
the papers the very next day : c
"Behold the Mae I?The Independ- E
ent candidate still maintains silence. j
Because he dare not speak. Every ac- c
cusation against him has been amply ]
proved, and thev have been indorsed f
and reindorsed by his own eloquent
silence, till at this day he stands forever t
convicted. Lcok upon your candidate, ?
Independents I Look upon' the Infa- j
mons Perjurer I the Montana Thief ! \
the Body Snatcher ! Contemplate your ^
Incarnate Delirium Tremens! your, j
Filthy Corruptionist! your Loathsome] c
Embracer I Gaze upon him?ponder ;
him well?and then say if you can give j
your honest votes to a creature who has r
earned this dismal array of titles by his fl
155 ? ? ?~ ^ /\nsn Viva <
maeoat) urimw, uua uwco uu? upu j
month in denial of any one of them!" z
There was no possible way of getting
out of it, and so, in deep humiliation, I e
set about preparing to " answer" a mass ?
of baseless charges and mean and wicked j
falsehoods. Bnt I never finished the t
task, for the very next morning a paper s
came ont with a new horror, a fresh ?
malignity, and ?terioualy charged me t
with burning a lunatic asylum with all c
its inmates because it obstructed the e
view from my house. Thft threw me ^
into a sort of panic. Then came the e
charge of poisoning my uncle to get his
property, with an imperative demand <;
that the grave should be opened. This ]
drove me to the verge of distraction, j
On top of this I was accused of employ- t
ing toothless and incompetent oM rela- {
tives to prepare the food for the found- j
ling hospital when I was warden. I was (
wavering?wavering. And at last, as a <
due and fitting climax to the shameless j
persecution that party rancor had in- ,
flioted upon me, nine little toddling (
children of all shades of ooloi and degree -f
of raggedness were taught to rush on to
the platform at a public meeting and j
clasp me around the legs and call me
"Pa!" ,
I gave up. I hauled down my oolors
and surrendered. I was not equal to
the requirements of a gubernatorial
campaign in the State of New Tork, and
so I sent in my withdrawal from the
candidacy, and in bitterness of spirit
signed it:
" Truly yours, once a decent man,
but now " Mask Twain,
" L P.,M. T.i B. 8., D. T. P. 0., and
L. E." '
He Had Been to the Centennial.
A bashful appearing man stepped into
the editorial room tho other evening,
and edxring ud to the table of the man
aging editor, hat in hand, said, in a
hesitating way:
" You like little items for your paper,
I suppose ?"
"Certainly," replied the editor; "a
newspaper, like life, is made up of little
items. What have you to offer ?"
"Well," said the bashful man, playing
with his hat band, "my name is
Smith, John Smith, and I've just got
tome."
"Glad to see you back again, Mr.
Smith; been gone long?"
"I've been," said Mr. Smith, with a
tremor of pride in his voice, " to the
Centennial, and if you want to make a
little notice "?
" What I" cried the editor, springing
to his feet, " you've been to the Centennial
? And you've got back ? Give us
your hand; I'm delighted to see you.
Spear, let me introduce you to John
Smith. John has been to the Centennial."
Spear shook hands very warmly with
Mr. Smith, and then ran to the aperture
communicating with the reporters' room
below and shouted: "O'Shaunnessey,
come in here, quick, here's a man that's
been to the Centennial!"
Then O'Shaunnessey bounoed in, followed
by his assistants, all of whom embraced
the bewildered Smith warmly,
and expressed gratification it afforded
them to meet a man who had been to
the great national Exhibition. Word
got down stairs, somehow, and several
others came up stairs at a tearing rate
to gaze upon the individual who had
been to the Exposition. It was too
much for the modest man to bear, and
murmuring something about making an
item of his return if they wanted to, he
hurried out just in time to meet on the
stairs the foreman and thirty-two compositors,
all eager to get a glimpse of
the man who had "been to the Centennial."
Slaughter of 320,000 Bulgarians.
The Cologne Gazette observes that
Bulgaria has on several occasions figured
in historv as the scene of " atrocities"
no less horrible than those lately
committed by the Bashi-Bazouks. The
Greek Emperor Basilius IL was nicknamed
" BuJgaroktonos " because he
ordered 15,000 Bulgarian prisoners to
have their eyes put out, a few only being
left with one eye in order that they
i might guide their fellow prisoners back
to their homes. Even more atrocious
was the massacre of the Gothic settlers
iu Bulgaria. The much praised Emperor
Claudius II. gives the following
aocount of this massacre in a letter cited
by the historian Trebellious Pollio:
Cladins to Brocchua?We have destroyed
i 320,000 Goths and sank 2,000 ships.
The rivers are covered with shields,
; their banks with spears and pikes, and
i" the fields with bones; no road is free
. from blood; the huge barricade of
wagons is deserted; and we have captured
so many women that each of our
/?/tnnnArincr soldiers can take two or three
I wu^?v?-D
r for his share.
) The building of the " City of Health"
on the Courtlands estate, about a mile
- and a half west of Worthing, in Eng,
land, will be oommenoed in the spring
of next year. In the " City t f Health"
i an attempt will be made to carry out the
3 idea of Dr. Richardson, as expounded in
> his description of " Hygeia, or the
f Model City of Health,' at the Socml
Soienoe Congress at Brighton last year.
GROWTH OF THE EAKin.
rmf. Ytaac'i Uct aa the 8?W?t?A?
Iattrestlac Paper.
" Since meteoric matter is continually
ailing upon the earth, she (must of
ourse be growing larger, and the daily
lumber of meteors is no immense that
t would be natural Uf suppose that the
a crease might be quite appreciable in a
ew centuries. It is not so, however ;
he surface of the earth is so enormous,
ompared with the quantity of meteoric
natter, that, even on the most favorable
typotheses, her diameter would grow
inly about an inch in f ve hundred milion
rears by accessions of this kind. A
ew figures will make this clear.
"As to the number of visible meteors,
here is substantial agreement among
mthorities. The estimate of Professor
fewton is as large as that of any one, I
>elieve, and he puts it at 7,500,000 per
liem, which number we will use. As
o their average weight there is more
lifference of opinion. Probably, how>ver,
the most careful and best founded
nvestigation is that of Professor Hark;
less, published in his report upon ob?
ervation of the November meteors of
.866; and his conclusion is that J the
nass of ordinary shooting stars does not
* ? PmfM.
liner greauy irum uun & >v>?w
>or Newcomb appears aim to concur in
his estimate. There are reasons, which
t would take too long to discuss, for
hinking that this value is fikely to be
omewhat too small; but on the other
land it is almost absolutely certain that
he average mass cannot be as great as
>ne-fourth of an ounoe. To be on the
afe side, we will assume one hundred
grains as the mean weight of the visible
hooting stars.
"Remembering that the pound is.
r,000 grains, we shall then find nearly
107,000 pounds, or about fifty tons, for
;he total weight of one day's supply of
hooting stiffs. An allowance must
Uso be made for the meteors too small
x> be visible (which are known by telescopic
observations to be very numerous),
and for the matter brought down
by aerolites. If we double the quantity
stated above we shall certainly be abundantly
liberal, and this will give us 214,300
pounds a day, or about 78,164,000
pounds per year, as the earth's rate of
growth in weight.
" Her increase of bulk depends upon
the density of the meteoric matter, and
probably this density does not differ
much from that of ordinary soil, or
nearly three times that of water. If so,
each cubic foot would weigh about 187}
pounds, and the annual meteoric accession
to the bulk of the earth would be
not far from 417,000 cubio feet A cube
about* seventy-five feet on each side
would be a little larger. It would take
more than four millions such to make a
pile as large as Mount Washington.
Now, since the surface of the earth is
about 5,484 millions of millions of
square feet, it follows that the annual
supply of meteoric matter, if spread
aniformly, would form a layer whose
thickness would be only 1-13,155,000,000
a foot or very nearly 1-1,100,000,000 of
an inch. In other words, even on such
extravagantly favorable hypotheses as
'5 11 ft
we nave assumed, me lutmauuu v. ?
sheet of meteoric matter covering the
earth to a depth of one inch wonld require
a period of eleven hundred millions
of years.
"If we suppose meteoric matter to
have been jnst as abundant in space as *
now, sinoe the beginning of time, and
that the velocity of the earth's orbital
motion has remained unchanged, and
that the effects of her atmosphere and
of her gradual shrinkage under the aotioa
of gravity can l>e neglected, then it
can be shown by an easy course of reasoning,
which would, however, hardly
suit these oolumns, that her diameter
must have grown during her whole existence
at the same uniform rate as now,
and we find that to build her up to her
present dimensions by such a process of
aggregation must have taken a period of
at least twenty-seven and a half millions
of millions of years.
"It is not intended to assert, however,
that the earth was really formed in this
way ; and even if it was, the above estimate
is of little value exoept as indicating
the order of magnitude involved;
sinoe there is no certainty whatever?
not even a probability?that in the early
stages of the formation of the planetary
system circumstances nearly enough resembled
the present to warrant any conclusion.
Nor must it be forgotten that
the probable estimates of Harknees and
others as to the weight of meteors would
lengthen all the periods of time mentioned
from ten to one hundred fold*
We have given the smallest valuos possible."
.
An Eccentric Elopement.
A few weeks ago Mrs. H. T. Yarbrough
obtained a divorce from he!
husband on the ground of desertion.
The husbai d went from Nashville to
? " ?a -i:n si
work at Hickman, Ay., ana buii, ? ?
appears, cherished an affection for her,
sent letters and telegfams urging her
to come to him and marry him again.
She accordingly left Nashville on the
Hickman bound# train. When she
reached Waverloy, however, she was
taken from the train upon a dispatch
which her brother had caused to be sent.
He followed her, proposing to persuade
her to return, or in any event prevent
her from going to Hickman to meet
Yarbrongh. At Waverley, under pretense
that she was eoing to her room to
lie down, she and the daughter of the
hotel proprietor slipped out by the back
way, ran a mile up the track and flagged
the western bound train. Mr. Sweeney
now telegraphed to the conductor of the
train at Frost station to put her off at
that point, but the conductor sent
back word that he was not an officer of
the law; that she had paid her fair to
I Hickman, and was entitled to go there.
The train was flagged one mile this side
of Hickman, where she met her former
I k?ahan<t TT? took h?r to .the court
house, a license was obtained, and they
were married three minutes thereafter.
Smabt Bot.?A smart boy, after eating
a green apple, exclaimed: "Oh,
dear, I've chewed an Odd Fellow!"
" An Odd Fellow f" asked his mother.
" Tea; he is ffiving me the grip." That
youngster will be an odtj enough fellow,
if he lives long enough.