Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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PORT HOIT-A-L Standard and Commercial. VOL. IV. NO. 4. BEAUFORT, S. C.. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 30, 1875. $2.00 per Annnm. Sin? Copy 5 Cents. ^__???__?_?_??-?????T?-????^??W> Christmas Carol. Pile on the Christmas logs Higher and higher; Ohe.y ily. cheerily, Ci.aoides the nre. Now let the bells ring oat Merrily, merrily ; Now let the children shoot Cheerily, cheerily. Let no harsh voices Bound Drearily, drea'ilv ; Let naught but joy abound Merrily, merrily. Now let home voices sound Brimful of meaning ; Now ltt bright eyes abound, Radiantly beaming. Let not a note be heard Breathing of sorrow ; Let not a soul bring here Care for the morrow: Pile on the Christmas logs Higher and higher; Cheerily, cheerily, Cracfclee the fire. Herald of future bliss Joyously dawning; Hail to thee, hail to thee, i>Tigbt unnsimas morning. A SENSATIONAL PALATE. The Stuff" that Flenses New York Theatei Users. The following is the plot in the ne1 play, Rose Michel, that is so pleasin New York theater-goers that the seal are engaged weeks in advance. Th story of the play as presented is as io lows : Louise Michel, the daughter c Rose and Pierre Michel, is an apprei tice in the employ of Master Bernard, wood engraver, with whom she is living Andre Bernard, the son of Bernard,: her lover. The two yo.ung people lia\ formed a most ardent attachment, an the mother of Louise and Master Bei nard have favored it The father c Louise is a miser and brute, and is de spised by both wife and daughter. Earl in the play Bernard signifies to Roa Michel his intention of opnsenting t the union, .of the young people, br couples his consent with certain cond: tions which relate to the stainless chai acter of Louise's family. He empha sizes this point, and declares that h will never consent to the union of hi son with the member of any' famil which has the slightest stain upon it honor. Rase Michel assures him of th spotless character of her husband, an there appears to be no obstacle in th way of the lovers. When Rose Mich* returns to her husband to tell him c the good news which she has learne from Bernard, she finds to her surpris and horror tliat her avaricious husban has already agreed to sell his child t the Baron de' Bellevie, a libertine, x qdarrel ensues between Pierre and hi wife, during which Pierre, realizinj that his wife's oppasition will create ir surmountable obstacles to the consume tion of his schemes, suddenly conceive the idea of mnrdering the* baron i order to secure the large sum of mone; which he knows he will liave upon hi person. He promises his wife to brea his promise to the baron, and suooeeda as he supposes, in getting her off t bed. Immediately thereafter the baro arrives with 100,000 livres upon his pei son, which have l>een paid him by th Count de Vernay upon the conditio that he will leave Franoe forever, an never again seek to see his wife, wh is now living under the protection c the count. This libertine De Bellevie having see Louise and fallen passionately in lov with her, has already offered the fathe an enormous sum of money to be pe] mitted to earry Louise with him to foreign land, thera to make her in nam bis wife, but in fact his mistress. He i now preseut to pay Pierre his money an take possession of Louise. Pierr promises that Louise shall go with hii in the morning. The baron, being wet and fatigued calls for a glass of punch, which Pierr drugs and offers him. Under its effect the baron is put to bed, and Pierre pre ceeus coolly to make preparations fo his murder. r While he is commit tin the act he is discovered by his wife Ros< and horror struck, she falls senseless t to ground. Startled by her crie? Pierre rushes into the room, discovei her presence and is about to drag her t her chamber, when she revives and a< cuses him with terrible fierceness of th murder. Pierre, seeing that she is determine to denounce him, is about to kill h* also, when they are both startled b knocks at the door and the voice < Louise outside calling, "Mothei mother." Bernard having heard thi Pierre proposed to sell Louise into di gradation, comes with his son Andi antf the Baron de Marsan, prefect of th Seine, t<? demand an explanation. B< fore a Imitthjg them, Pierre makes h wife realize that to denounce him won] be to destroy the future cf her ow daughter and perhaps to kill her. B then leaves her to open the outer gah saying: " Denounce me if you dare. While he is gone B we resolves to b< tray her husband's guilt, but when k< innocent daughter enters her resolutio is overcome by the strength of her mi ternal love. Pierre assures the prefe< that he never intended to sell his chil( but that he gladly bestows her upc Bernard's eon. After they are gor Pierre throws the body of the Baron c Bellevie into the river that flows b lieath the window of his house. Rose Michel, knowing the guilt of h< husband, forces him to give up to h< the money which he has taken from tl baron*8 body, and with it she goes I the house of the Connt de Yernay, whei she secretly places it in the count's se retary, feeiing that as the money can from him it should return to him. Tl body of the Rarr.n de Bellevie is disco1 erea, and the Count de Yernay accuse of his murder. The circumstantial ev dence against Lim is rendered ove whelming by the discovery in his seer itary of the wallet of the baron contaii ing the money which he had previous] paid him. Rose Michel, horrified i . finding an innocent man accused, b L haves so strangely as to excite the sn b picions of the Count de Maraan, wl ' becomes convinoed that she knows more j than she is willing to tell of the murder. J Tliis induces him to go with the aount's j mother to the inn of Pierre Michel, j where he examines Pierre, his servant | Moulinet and Rose Michel herself. His suspicions are confirmed, and, after endeavoring by all fair means to induce Rose to tell the truth, he at last resorts to the extremest measure and condemns her to the rack. In the last act we learn that torture has been ineffectual, Rose's love for her child enabling her to conceal the truth. The Count de Vernay is condemned to die, and is to be executed at dawd. but he has one last interview with Rose, who has partially recovered from the, effects of the torture. Finding all appeals fruitless, and believing De Vernay innocent, De Marsan determin 2s at the last moment that the count must escape. Rose pledges her life to the effort, and secures the services Oi her husband, supposing, as she does, that he will be only too glad to 6ave his second victim. But Pierre, fearing that if the count escapes he will leave nothing undone 11 ?i ?i? w discover me reai uuijpnk wju muo clear his own name, betrays the plot to the gtu:rd ; and just as the count is about to leave the prison he is arrested, and Rose, discovering her husband's treachery, denounces him in a moment of supreme agony, thus saving the life of the count. They are about to arrest Pierre, when he, breaking through the r- guard, is about to fly, bu, is shot by the guard and falls over the parapet of the w prison. The Count de Yernay, touched g by the heroism of Rose, and grateful s for her timely aid, makes an appeal to e Bernard which induces him to consent 1- to tlje marriage of his son with Rose's >f daughter. i- - a Uncompromising Honesty. [g The other day a man with a gaunt -e look baited before an eating stand at the d Central market, Detroit, says the Free r. Press, and after a long survey of the ,f viands he said to the woman: y. "lama poor man, but I'll bo honest v if I have to be buried in Paupers' i Field." G "What'8 the matter now?" asked d the woman, regarding him with snspii. cion. r_ "No one saw me pick up a $20 bill it heic by this stand early this morning, e but as 1 said before I'll be honest." a "A .'$20 bill?pick up 1" she whispery ed, bringing a bland smile to her faoe. a "I suppose," he continued, "that e some one passing along here could have d dropped such a bill, but it seems more e reasonable to think that the money was >1 lost by yon." ,f " Don't talk quite so loud," she said, d as she leaned over the stand. " You are e an honest man, and I'll have your name d put in the papers so that all may know 0 it. I'm a hard working widow, and if ^ you hadn't brought back that money it B would have gone hard with my poor g little children." "If I pick up money by a stand-1 aly. wave give it up," he said as he sat down 8 on one of the stools. ** That's riaht?that's honest." she lV " ~~o? ?? ' ? y whispered. "Draw right np here and s have wme breakfast." k He needed no second invitation. 'J lie way ho went for cold ham, fried sausage, o biscuit and coffee was teirific to the a woman. "Ye 3?I?um?try?to?be?yonest," e he remarked between bites. n 44 Tliat's right. If I found any money A belonging to you I'd give it up, you bet. o Have mother cup of coffee ?" >f 44 Don't?care?lidoo," he said, as he jammed more ham into his mouth. n E /en courtships have an ending. The e old chap finally began to breathe like a r fouudered horse, and pretty soon after r_ that he rose trom the table. a 44 You are a good man to bring my e lost money back," said the woman, as B she brushed away the crumbs, tj "Oh, ' I'm honest," he replied, e 44 wlwn I find any lost money I always n give it up." 41 Well, I'll take it now, please," she [ said, :is he began to button his coat. 4 4i Take what f" he asked. ;g 44 That lost money you found." 441 didn't find auy ! I'll be honest ,r with you, however, if I ever do find any g arcun 1 here J" > 44 You old liar ! Didn't you say you q found a 820 bill here ?" ^ 44 No, ma'am. I said that no one saw 4 me pick up such a bill here!" o "Pay me for them pervishuns !" she j. yolled, clutching at his throat. ie ** I'll be honest with you?I haven t a cei.t!" he replied, as he held her off. She tried to trip him over into a bar?r re] of charcoal, but ho broke 1 >ose, and ,y before she recovered from her amazo>f m( nt he was a block away and galloping r> along like a stage horse, it In the Arctic Kegi ns. ic 3>r. Hayes says that wintering in the b- Arctic regions is not so terrible a matter is after all. He adds: 1 would observe d that the public sympathy becomes very n needlessly excited when an Arctic voy[e ager takes the field. The dangers and 9, privations are greatly exaggerated, and " it happens sometimes that men are b- forced to consider themselves heroes ^r whether or no. I have never met with n any one who had ever been to the Arctic a- regions who did not want to go again? 3t sure proof that it is not such a terrible 1, thing after all to sail among the ice in floes and icebergs and to winb r near the ie North Pole. It must be confessed that le the moral and mental strain of the long e- winter is a severe ordeal; but this can be alleviated by cheerfulness and good ?r discipline. Traveling with a sledge, it through deep snowdrifts and over le rough ice hummocks, day alter day, to with uo shelter in camp but a snow hut, re when the thermometer is down in the c- zeros, is most certainly ?' wearisome to te the flesh," but it need not be dangerous, le Shipwreck and disasters in various ways v- may and do happen to "try men's d soul's," but these come elsewhere, and i so often, that a passing paragraph in a r- newspaper disposes of them, while the e- exceptional experience of an Arctic trava eler is more striking because of the mysly terious nature of his surroundings. W. at are all awed by the contemplation o e- .what is unknown and which seems inacs cessible; but actual experience quickly 10 dispels t) s illusion. MERRY CHRISTMAS DAY. Why the Twenty-fifth of December Is Celebrated as it is. Merry Christmas ! Was there ever a | more musical greeting, and will it ever | oease to be the most welcome of wishes ? In the whole range of the English language there is not another salntation which can be offered with equal freedom. A master can do no less than wish his servant a merry Christmas, and the servant who bids his master "goodbye " as if fearful of presumption, will speak up boldly when he returns his Christmas greeting. And it is so because the simple words have come to be expressive of the spirit of the season. Total abnegation of self and love for your neighbor in the broadest sense of the word is the genius of Christmastide. But, strangely enough, says an exchange, the origin of the day and the I greeting are alike unknown, for no man ! can tell when the first Christmas day ! was celebrated. It certainly could not j have been before the birth of Christ? V%?4- awa? tVirkt Atrnnf r?nf /lofiin'fjilv fiv. ! od, for all who are learned in such matters are agreed that our era fixes the date from three to five years too soon, and when the year is uncertain it can hardly be expected that the month and the day should be certainly known. Some say that the Savior was born on the twentieth of May in the twentyeighth year of Augustus' reign. Others put it on the nineteenth of April, while the probability is that the apostles did not knew at all what the exact date was. Anil it is almost certain that they never celebrated the day, for Christmas was first heard of in Egypt, and the first undisputed traces of the celebration of the twenty-fifth of December as Christmas day point no further back than the middle of the fourth century as the time and to Rome as the place* But why should the twenty-fifth of December be the date of the festival, when about the only thing the earliest writers seem to have been agr.-ed upon concerning it was that its proper location was in the spring ? Several explanations have been attempted, but none of them seem wholly satisfactory. One is that it was thought most tit that the day of Christ's birth should be celebrated on the "birthday of the sun," as the winter solstice was j called, which occurred in the Boman calendar on the twenty fifth of December. On that day the previously shortening days began to grow longe , and to the early Christians there seems to have been a sort of analogy, which can now be but dimly traced, between the increasing sunshine and the birth of the Son of God. Another and almost more fanciful reason that has been soberly given, is that Christmas was placed on the twenty-fifth of December, in order to give tho Christians at Borne a festival peculiarly their own, and thus to distract their attentio 1 from the wild excesses of the Boman Saturnalia which occurred at about that date. The truth is t hat no adequate reason can be assign-1 ed for celebrating Christmas on the twenty-fifth of December, as the festival was wholly unknown for some centuries after the apostolic age, aud it was then too late to fix dates by memory, and there was very little writing, with any degree of accuracy. But. for the purpose of commemoration, any date will do, and since the date and not the right to celebrate this festival is called in question, but little complaint need be made. Detroit Free Press Currency. A Chicago paper has found out that men driDk to pass away the time. What | do they swear for ? Tho eliap who is quoted as being "as honest as the day is long " had better take a back seat until next spring. It is proposed in Cincinnati that when i a tramp asks for bread to give him?not a stoue, but a hammer to break stone with. "Stick a pin there." says the Phila-! delpliia Chronicle. That's played. The old man always feels of the chair I now before hitting down. - Probably one of the most trying times j in a man's life is when ho ir.troiuces] his second wife, seventeen years old, to ' his daughter, who is post twenty. Tho Cleveland Plain Dealer says that I public thieves must be locked up. Don't be s > impatient. The land can't be covered with jails without warning. It you want to make 810,000 in a hurry invent an ink for the government whicn can't be rubbed off of postage stamps. Only 4,000 persons have tried it, and there is every chance of success. Those chaps who are running a lottery swindle at Denison, Texas, would look uice coming out of a creek fifteen or twenty times ou a cold morning. All tln.t is needed is for some oue to throw thorn in. It is wicked (o throw dice for turkeys and chickens. We say this knowing tk it every man in the country who has seen some one cl?>o come in and " beat that throw by one " will fully coincide with the assertion. Coal Consumption of London, The growing wealth and population of London have played, perhaps, the principal part in the wonderful growths of the coal trade. Without citing ancient! statistics. I mnv mention that in the four years ending in *1872, the quantity of coal actually consumed in London increased by more than three-quarters of a million of tons, the total for 1872 being nearly six millions. Another curious fact is that, during the four years in j question, occurred not only the increase cited in gross consumption, but a very 1 notable increase in the consumption per 1 head, and this in spits of the high prices ; which ruled toward the end of that period. Thns, in the year 1869, when , coal was sold retail at about tweuty-five * or twenty-six shillings per ton, London-; ers consumed twenty-seven hundredweight per head ; and in the year 1872, | when prices varied from thirty-six to ; fifty two shillings per ton, they actually ' burned twenty-nine hundredweight per : head of the population!?a convincing proof, if any were needed, that, dtsjite ! the h.i'o which surrounds the "good old | times," and the frantic shrieking of! idle people with fixed incomes, the! great bulk of the nation is getting bet- j ter off every year.?Allthe Year Rovrti. j Intriguing: Divorce Lawyers. Several New York divorce lawyers, too I impatient to wait for customers to come 1 i to them, have sent out agents to cus- c 1 tomeis. The emissary goes, provided 8 with circulars lithographed in imitation 1 of written manuscript, to an interior t city, whence he mails them to wives of drunkards or of such other unpleasant 1 husbands as he can learn about by persistent inquiry. Many of these circulars a are in the following .language : Mrs. . My Dear Madam I c. trust I may address you confidentially 1 upon a subject which, we are informed, , you are particularly int< rested in at this time. I have been sent to by our , people, one of the largest law firms in New York, to write to you personally relative to obtaining for you an inqpe- 8 diate divorce, which we understand is ? your desire. We have full power to act . in this State, and our many years' ex- , perience in this business enables us to go to work at once and procure you a full divorce in half the time required by r your own city lawyers and our prices are not as heavy. Besides, we keep it from the rmhlic. We can cret vou what von , r . ? - o - K *1 want in three weeks, and you need not fear of getting your name in the papers if you don't want it. No matter what the charges are that you may bring against your husband, we can get you a f full divorce. And then, instead of living a life of misery, you can once more become a free woman, and do just , as you please. We have many years' ex- ? perieuce iu this business, and all you need to do is to reply to this letter, and ^ state'when and where a private interview may bo had with you alone, or with some intimate and confidential lady 8 friend of yours. I would prefer, how- 13 ever, that you be alone when we talk ^ about this matter. At least until we see our way clear. I assuie you that no one ? excepting yourself who is known in this city is aware of such a letter as this 8 Laving been written to you, so you need * not bo alarmed that your husband will , ever know a word about it. He need i Dot know until <t is too late for him to ? do anything that would stop you from getting your divorce. Please reply as $ quickly as possible. I have written to yon plainly in the hope that you will ? understand everything. Address your letter to the New York post-office, Station 9 D ; where I will receive it and return to this placo two or three weeks from ? date, when I will call to see you at your house or wherever else you may suggest a in your reply. Write to the firm conft- . dentially and withont fear. Put your letter in the inclosed envelope, which is " already addressed, and oblige, Yours, respectfully. ^ The lawyers described as " the largest law firm in New York" are generally s represented to be one firm iii the city, I but this peculiar branch of the divorce business includes several concerns, and the agents are operating in most of the Southern and Western cities. The si promised divorces are, it.is probable, fi generally obtained, but in several report- * ed instances the agent has received a re- S inintnn faa otl/1 never lliipn VlPftTvi flf hv /? UllillU^ 1 XJ\ 1 uu\t ovtVA v tlis client afterward.? New York Sun. d 8' An Irouudent Fellow. v Mr. Hepworth Dixon's new book on (J America, entitled " The White Con- u quest," has the following ancedote of a p "heathen Chinee:" "You can form o no notion of the impudence of these ras- tl cals," says a San Francisco magnate, t< denouncing the Chinese. "Only the q other day, in our rainy season, when the n mud was fifteen inches deep in Mont- fi gomery street, a yellow chap, in fur tip- h pet and purple satin gown, was crossing tl over the road by a plauk, when one of C our worthy citizens, seeing how nicely c< he was dressed, more like a lady than a tl tradesman, ran on the plank to meet h him, and, when the fellow stopped and J stared, just gave him a little jerk, and ci whisked him, with a waggish laugh, into gi the bed of slush. Ha ! ha ! You should li have seen the crowd of people mocking A the impudent heathen Chinee as he tl picked himself np in his soiled tippet a and satin gown !" " Did any one in the ti crowd stand drinks all round ?" " Well, tl no ; that heathen Chinee rather turned p the laugh aside." "Ah; how was tl that?" "No white man can conceive a the impudence of these Chinese. Moon- tl face picked himself up, shook off a littie fi of the mire, and, looking mildly at our t] worthy citizen, curtseyed like a girl, p saying to him, in a voice that every one Jj standing round could hear: 4 You g Christian ; mcheathen ; good-bye.'" c t! Varieties in Fashions. Dresses fastened behind are growing in favor daily. As these are incojvenient when a lady has no maid, the 2 effectis given by putting buttons or lacing n c? ?rds down the back of the basques or d polonaises, and concealing the front a fastening by bows of silk. a N' ts for the hair are also gradually v ?- - ? Tliov oro t CUHllIJg ' 1L1 L'J ltt^uiua a^iuu. auvj -i-- v . made of loosely woven soft braids, and li protect smooth knots of hair from the * rough autumn winds. v The newest and most dressy suits of h black cashmere are trimmed with many r rows of steel or silver sontache, or else h with one row of wide black velvet braid v plaided with silver or gilt. f' . Grelots and agrafes of passementerie t made of cords and tassels are now used h 011 pockets and down the fronts of j a sacks and all kinds of wraps. Pockets t have come to be indispensable, and these v old-fashioned ornaments are revived to j v beautify them. j v The Winds. j r Every one who has attempted, by the j a computation of thermic or baric wind j roses, io arrive at a sharper ebaracteri- ; zation of the peculiarities of the separate ; winds, has fallen upon a difficulty that; 3 has almost destroyed Ids interest in such ! g work; which is the perception that fr<- b quently the same wind direction, at the j e same time of the year, occurs with quite ! p opposite characteristics. This discrep-! v an ay has received considerable elucida- f< tion from Koppen, who, by a careful | c; use of the syuopt'c weather charts of ' p Europe, has shown that it makes a great 1 d difference whether as mthwest wind, for j y instance, blows outward from a center j fc< high pressure, or is drawn inward to a i ii center of low pressure. j g What the Coroner Wanted. Our coroner, Barney Maginn, says tfax Adeler, called in at old Pestle's Irug store the other day, and leaning tcross the counter, he whispered into Pestle's ear, in a particularly confidenial manner: 44 Kin yon tell me what kind of p'ison tills a man quickest ?" 44 What do you want to know for?" isked Pestle. 44 Well, I just want to know for curi>sity. Something that when you give t to a fellow reels him right off. A >ouple of kicks maybe, and a howl or wo, and then lays him out like a lamb." 44 There are several drugs which would lave that effect, such as "? 441 want it sudden, you understand, ind no smell or taste. Something you san just drop a little in his liquor, and ie'll roll over and drift off into eternity >efore it gits to his stomach. Something ike that." 44 Prussic acid might do that, or corosive sublimate, or ? 44 Well, give me a quart of the prussic ?id, qniek as you kin." 44 Can't do it, Mr. Maginn, until I mow what you want it for," said Pestle. 44 Why can't you?" 44 Because it's against the law." 44 Well, if I tell you, you won't give ne away on it ? Won't blow it round own or anything, will you?" 441 dunno; it depends on what it is." 44 I'll trust you, anyway," said Mr. daginn. 44 Come closer, so's nobody in hear. You know Jim Berry, dou't 'OH ?" "Yes." " Well, Jim's invented a patent lifeaving machine for jerking a drowned nan out of the water and pumping his tomach out, and I'm going to p'ison iin before he introduces that there ap>aratus to the public." "Mr. Maginn, I certainly shall not ell you prussic acid for any such purrose as that; you must be insane." " Now look at the thing," said Mr. laginn. " I make my living by people ailing overboard and getting drownded. ?bat's my principal source of income; ut that off and I'll starve to death. Veil, now, here comes along a man who rants to bring these remains back to ife, and float me out upon a dark and Ireary world without a cent. Oughtn't to lull him ? I think I ought. Selfpreservation's the first law of nature, live me a couple of quarts of that there cid. You won't, won't you ? Oh, very rell! very well, old man! But your ime'll come. There'll be some other ?an p'isoncd some day, and then if I on't put the jury up to bringing in a erdict agin you and clap you in jail, hen my name's ifot Barney Maginu." Then Mr. Maginn went out to buy a hot-gun with which to annihilate 5lr. ferry. _ ? A Joke on Henry Clay. The Carlisle (Ky.) Mercury has this tory : A relative of Gov. Metcalfe has arnisbed us with the following incident rhich will illustrate the habit " Old itoue-hammer " had of playing practial jokes. Some time before the introuction of railroads Gov. Metcalfe rcpre? " - - I?.j ;-A -f 3nted in congress a oisirici ui wuicu i HclioLs county was a part. Mr. Clay raa secretary of state under President! Jtiincy Adams. It was the custom to lake the trip to the national capital in rivate conveyance. It was in the days f Mr. Clay's greatest popularity that le two distinsmished politicians agreed i ) travel to Washington in Gov. Metilfe's carriage ; and, all the arraugelents perfected, they started together :om the latter'a " Forest Retreat" orae, in this county. While passing irough the State of Pennsylvania, Mr. ilay told Gov. Metcalfe that he had revived intimations that in a certain town ley were approaching he would be onored with an ovation by the citizens. u*?t before coming to town Gov. Metilfe, who had all along been driving, aggested to Mr. Clay that he take the nes and drive, as he himself was tired. Ir. Clay readily consented, whereupon ae governor took the back seat iu the jrriage. The liouored statesman'drove ae team successfully into the town and ley were met by a large concourse of eople. Gov. Metcalfe alighted from ae carriage, was cordially welcomed, nd replied that he was glad to meet bem, etc.; and at this the crowd fairly oisted him upon their shoulders and riumphantly started with him to the lace of reception. Looking back at It. Clay, who still sat in the carriage, omewhat nonplussed, the governor ried : " Driver, take those horses to he stable and feed them." Hans Andersen's Love History. It was on his long journey through Zealand, Funon and Jutland, that he aet a young girl with whom he fell ieoply in love, but who,?Jinfortunately, t the time was engahed to another man, nd as Anderson never met another roman whom he could love as lie loved bis girl, he remained unmarried all his ife. Many years later, a peasant girl, rho had heard about him as a great and rorld-renowned poet, whom all men tonored?and who, I believe, had also ead some of his stories?took it into ler head that he was the one man she ranted to marry. So she started out or Copenhagen, where Andersen was hen living, w nt to his house, and told iim her errand. You can imagine how st'?nished he must have been at being old by a young, handsome girl that she risked to marry him. " I should be so ery good to yon," said she, "andalrays take good care of you." "But, ay dear girl, I don't wish to be maried," answered he; and she departed a suddenly as she had come. A Grateful Lawyer. B. T. Reynolds, of Winnebago City, finn., having been elected to office, is rateful, and indicates it by a card sayng : Agreeable to promise before lection, I shall be pleased to give any erson who voted for me (taking their rord for it) legal advice free of charge or two years. For any town which I arried, or nearly carried, I will with leasnre prosecute or defend suits, or o any business they may desire for two ears free of charge. The consequences a Mi-. Reynolds may be embarrossing a case two of his supporters fall out and o to law. I J THE BOOK AGENT'S BRIDE. A Story with a Warn Id* and a Moral. The town of Horaeheads, in New j York State, has suddenly become famons as the scene of the elopement of a young lady with a traveling book agent. Such an event is believed to be entirely without a precedent, and it necessarily confers as wide a notoriety upon'the town in which it occurred as the most elaborate earthquake could have conferred had it swallowed the greater part of the people of Horaeheads, having, of course, previously well shaken them. It would be fruitless to inquire in the columns of a newspaper why the human mind is so constituted as to uniformly desire to kill a book agent. Such an inquiry belongs to tiie province of psychology?though in no existing textbook has ii been fully and properly discussed. The fact that men, without exception, thirst for the blood of book agents is perfectly well established, and we may therefore reason from it, without troubling ourselves to discover whether this impulse is congenital, or is developed by the conditions of civilized life. The meekest man, when summoned to his parlor to meet a determined-looking stranger, who instantly ni*or*?fl him tn Rnhsnrihe for Smith's "Pictorial History of Art Among the Esquimaux," involuntarily asks himself whether the satisfaction of braining the man with his own specimen volume would not be cheaply purchased at the cost of the gallows; and the most gentle of housewives, as she violently slams the door in the face of the agent of Brown's " Humorous Travels in the Holy-Land," mentally resolves to ask her brother, the lawyer, whether boiling water is a deadly weapon in the eye of the law. How was it possible that, in spite of this unanimous sentiment in regard to book agents, one of that fraternity should have suoceeded in inducing a young lady to elope with him ? Of course, the pair fled secretly in order to escape the indignation and horrifled gaze of the public of Horseheads. But by what magic arts did the book agent so completely conquer the natural instinct?in regard to boiling water?of the partner of his flight ? It is idle to suppose that he conoealed his true character. No book agent can do that. Even if he had shunned all allusion to subscription books until the very momeut when the fair one told him she was his, he would inevitably hive replied : " Then let me put you down for Ave copies of Brown's 'Travels,' with gilt edgesand illuminated covers." No ! he must have carried on bis wooing avowedly under the banner of the " Great Oshkosh Publishing Company," and with his carpet-bag of specimen volumes always at his side. When he urged the sincerity of his passion, he must have read to her the convincing statement that " smart agents can make flfty dollars a day with our new subscription books," and told her that if she would get her parent", brothers and sisters, and acquaintances to subscribe for a volume each, the money would be strictly appropriated to house-furnishing, with the exoeption of a liberal commission to be paid to her as pin money. Undoubtedly he presented her with elegant copies of all the works published by his Arm, and when he clasped her to hi-v bosom did not fail to assure her that - - - i _li1 1 bia Mart beat lor ner aione, auuougu the fact was not perceptible to her in consequence of his carrying his subscription lists in his breast pocket. The girl may have been young, and unaccustomed to admiration. When her lover asserted that he would prefer ten per cent, commission with her as his bride, to twenty per cent and the exclusive right to the best territory in the country without her, she may have welcomed it as the language of passion and | romance. At any rate, she listened to | his pleading, and is now that hitherto unknown phenomenon, a book agent's bride. We need not doubt the reality of the ! affection existing between this unique | pair. The book agent hath eyes and ears like other men, not to speak of a superfluity of cheek and tongue. May he not also have affections and sentiments of a tender and romantic character ? Doubtless, he will bind his wife, so to speak, in red silk and plenty of gilt jewelry. It is quite possible that, under the influence of domestic happiness, his fiercer nature may be tamed. He may ctase to waylay funeral coaches in order to urge the occupants to subscribe for Robinson's "Comfort of the Afflicted," in gilt cloth, and may spare the solitary widow whom he would once have compelled to subscribe for ten copies of " Mormon Iniquities." Peri haps tho marriage of this book agent may be the beginning of the end of the system which he has hitherto represented, and the time may be near at hand when book agents, tamed and softened by marriage, will abandon their cruel vocation, and the memory of it will remain, as does the memory of the buccaneers, only in blood-curdling stories, bearing such titles as " Red Beard, the Book Agent of the West," or " The 1 Lives, Exploits, and Dying Confessions of the Book Agents of the New England States. "?New York Times, How to Prevent Divorce. A worthy wife of forty years' standiug, and whose life was not all made up of sunshine and peace, gives the follow-; ing sensible and impressive advice to a ; married pair of her acquaintance. The j advice is so good and so well suited to | | all married people, as well as to those who intend entering that estate, that we i here publish it for the benefit of your own house, your married state, and your heart. Let not father or mother, sister or brother, or any third person, ever presume to come in between you two, . or to share the joys and sorrows that j i belong t > you two alone. With God's i j help build your own quiet world, not I allowing your dearest earthly friehd to ! be the conlidant of aught that concern*, your domestic peace. Let moments of | alienation, if they occur, be healed at j once. Never, no, never, speak of it: outside, but to each other confess, and J all will corno out right. Never let the j | morrow's sun still had yon at variance. : ; Review and renew your vow; it will do i you gdod, and thereby your souls will grow together, cemented in that love which is stronger than death, and you i i will l?econie truly one. I j Item* of Interest. Queer inscription on ??n English tombstone: " Methusaleh Cony, aged twelve months." The Virginia City (Nev.) relief society * re aires at least $100,000 to provide for the leetitute during the winter. The Utah Mormons number 100,000. In Salt Lake City there are 80,000. There are two Gentiles to ten Mormons. hew Richmond, West Virginia, is shipping walnut logs directly to London, where better prices are obtained- than in this oountry. New linen may be moro easily .embroidered by rubbing it over with flue white soap. It prevents the threads^ from cracking. One of the most polite gentlemen we ever heard of was ho who, on passing <a sitting hen, raised his hat, and blandly said : " Don't rise, madam." / Bowdoin professors were a little surprised the other morning at seeing three cows patiently looking down at them from a third story window in tbo college buildings. These whisky ring frauds have greatly unsettled our confidence in mankind. The next thing we shall hear is that the men of draw poker and faro are straying from the paths of virtue. A water spout at H&rkor's Island, N. ninHiih A WAllin/V A# W Ml AfiaVlll V? ) ON Ul/a liuu ungjuu^ v? ?T 11-1 a widow, totally destroyed it, killed four of her children, wounded another, and swept the sixth?a baby?away. The hay crop of New Hampshire is estimated at $10,000,000, the obrn crop, 2,000,000 bushels; oats 1,600,000; garden crops, $1,000,000; butter, 6,500,000 pounds; milk sold, 3,000,000 gallons. A woman was buried in Bath, N. Y., the other day, who weighed before he* > death three hundred and eighty pounds. Her coffin was six feet long, three feet wide and two and one-half feet deep. The maddest man in Wisconsin is John Leigh, of Oconto. He was a candidate for member of Assembly, and being a conscientious man voted for his opponent, who was elected by just one majority. " From what you know of him, would you believe him under oath ?" " That depends on ciroumstances. If ho was so much intoxicated that he didn't know what he was saying, I would ; if not, I wouldn't." A girl with three arms is attracting attention in Tescelo, near Jalapa, Mexico; and when that girl gets her two arms aronnd her husband's neck she'll stfli have one to flirt with the other fellow across the street The ladies of the Mount Vernon Association of Bichmond ore going to hold a grand centennial ball on the twentysecond of February, at which all of the dresses are to be in the style of one hundred years ago. " My dear Murphy, why did you betray that secret I told you ?'* " Is it betray that you call it f Sure, when I found I"wasn't able to keep it myself, didn't I do well to tell it. to s6me one that could keep it ?" A woman in Virginia City, Nevada, who had been bedridden for months, had to be carried out of the house daring the late Are, and within half an hour from that her great fright had effected a complete cure of her infirmity. A New Orleans nhvsician has an original way of securing bis fee when a patient dic.9 He makes a post mortem examination and carries some portion of> the body to his office, and gives, notice that he will return it when the bill is paid. " Coal Oil Johnny," instead of working as a laboring man on a railroad, is at present building a fence around a two hundred acre farm which he lately purchased in California. He saved $15,000 out of the general wreck, and is doing well. John Frederick Guuter went from Chicago penniless to Australia, twenty- . three years age. He now advertises m the Chicago newspapers that he is able and willing to help his relatives, and invites them to write to him. And won't he hear from them f An apprentice sailor boy fell from the " round top " to the deck, stunned, but little hurt. The captain exclaimed, in surprise: "Why, where did you come from ?'' "From the north of Ireland, yer honor," was the prompt reply, as the poor fellow gathered himself up. Said a Nevada lawyer concerning a man who had kicked his wife down stairs: "Gentlemen of the jury, he h'isted her ! He?the brute, once, peril' ps, a man?raised his foot and applied it to the form of her who, at the holy altar, he had sworn to love and clurish. Vice-President Wilson's brain weighed forty-nine and one-half ounces. That is rather above the averago weight?which is, in this country, probably about fortyfour or forty-five ounces. Daniel Webster's brain has been mentioned in a .newspaper paragrrph, published some years ago, as having been found to weigh oJ?*r.tViroo nnilCPH. OIAVJ'VUXW vf . 44 My dear," said Mr. Lombr^jy, the giver of the party, 441 have jnst been telling Mr. Tuttle that uncle, who died the other day, left us something that should have run down in the family. He says a clock, suspenders, pull-back elastic, whisky; my dear, what was it?" 44 Why, an heirloom, pa." 44 Oh I yes," said Lfombrey, 44 7 knew it was some kind of machinery." While a 44 catcher" in an iron mill at Beading, Pa., was tending the rolls a few days ago, a piece of red-hot spike iron, in leaving the rolls, ran l?etween his legs, and bending, wound around his body, completely fastening him in its embrace. His agony was excruciating, and he was compelled to endnre it until his fellow-workmen could cut the iron from him with hammers, and unwind parts of it. As a German girl approaches the completion of her education, her studies are somewhat relaxed*, and she attends once or twice a week at a Nahschule, where lessons are given her in cutting out, fixing, piecing, patching and darning, and all ornamental stitching, She wul make her brother a set of shirts and for herself a complete ontfit against the day when she emerges from scboolgirlhood into young ladyism.