University of South Carolina Libraries
^-f|9 M*wii mia TWO DOLLARS PER ANNUM-J ^ -Sr" -* ^ ^ ? JS" 'I~a ^ ^ t v i s b txj h3\r -/v t v x o-x**" a u o b ." [PAYABLE IN ADVANCE* j| BY DAVIS & HOLLINGSWORTH. ABBEVILLE, SOUTH CAROLINA, THURSDAY MORNING, OCTOBER 2, 1856. VOL XTII.Z ~KrT^T im u a is is Ua lii 41 iiu is las a. From the Parlor L\i*k''t. AUNT HANNAH TRIPE'S EVENING TALES. BV CLA It A AUGUSTA. M They do say tliat it's truo thai the Widder T urncr (she that was Jerusha Lieftingle) is going to get married ngin ! I declare, if I shouldn't he ashamed ! Iler husband niut been dead more'n tew years Jast Sentomhcr. and she n-poin to marrv - -k * o agin ! Ah, mc ! ah, me!?liow fast this 9voj-W (s a-goin to rack and ruin! The folks in it grow shallercr and bhallerer every day, and I shouldn't ho a mite surprised to hear that something had happened enny time. " I allers did like Jerusha?allers thought she was a nice gal, and made poor Tobasoo Turner a good wife, but there ! the heart js a dcsatcful thing, and like as not she warn't no better than I allers thought she was ! llut I'd wait a desunl time, 1 know as Mr. Grander l'ope sez, till the shoos I follered my poor deceased partner to the grave with was wore to tappin, if they warn't clean gone ! I ain't sarlin that I ullna rrtt o iinfoliAit fV.vi** 1 ni?ti(7 ? ilVbdllMII |?Ufll^ 1I^UI| UUl cnnyliow, I get tho lialf of ii, "0, Clara, I tell you, tlie.se young wid<l?rs is orful critiers; I wouldn't advise you lo be ouu if you can help it?for you'll sartiuly be j *st like all llie rest of am! I Now, though I do s:iv it, that hadn't ort to flalterale, I do think that I've productod mvRelf with the m-atest notorietv sense Mi- ! 0 I cajah (poor, dear critter!) left me alone in this vale of ten is ! It's a grate thing, child, to hcv a clear conshuus! A blessed thing to go to bed at night and feel peaceful and good Matured with everybody (bed-bugs and miskeeiors axeepied and sh-cpiy into 1 fi.A 1..,?..:.. 1 r\ .. 1 1 < > ! ?IU U.IIJJ.IIII . KS, \IZ>, II M il IHKMIidl ICOUI), 'specially if its ** fold night, ami tllore's , blankets enough on ihc bed ! '* Xow, if I should (e|J you a little bit of a story about what happened to inc sense I've been a poor solicitous widder woman, you'll keep still about it, won't you ? Von know Hith things makes an orful talk with noma folk*, and if there's anything 1 Vpocially hate, it's bein a project of cont rarity. 44 About .1 year and tew months arter j your uncle Micajah died, there was a rich j old bachelor cum here to Timbertown, and j fcot up a mannerfactory?that is to say, he i hbod horses and oxen, and tixed chains, and i Ironed wheels, and sleds, and fixed things | that got bl oke. M Wi.ll nnn 1 tr..i ??n k'i'lf o?..l * s?"" "r i rent about breakfast, ami got into a kinder ; ji liurrv and dropped the tea-kettle kiver on ; (be harth and broke off tlie ling! 1 don't I know how |p;tiiy times I burnt niy bands with the tormented tiling arter tliiit, and j nt last I got ravin, and sez I to Cicero, sez I? 41'Cicero, if yon don't kerry this kiver to tlio blacksmith and get it mended, 1 will "4 Well,1 sez Cicero, 4 1 guess you'll hcv t? go yourself?I want to open them hay heaps down in the inedder this forenoon, and I can't bother with no tea-kittle kivcr>,' and off Cicero went a-whistlin. " Did you ever mind what a feller Cicero is to whistle i He's whistled so much that liis mouth looks for all the world jc>l like a < ider "tunnel! I've tried to persuade him to tie a haudkcrchcr over it nights, when he goes u> bed, for I'm nctilly afeard that if it keens on nerliifliiur it'll iw.iin.l.. I --- I - o? I? into somo forrcn place, ami leave Cicero licre; ami if it should, massy knows whether he could stuimnuch foreners' vit ties ! Hut Cicero won't tie on (lie handkercher?he's orful contrary now-days.? Sometimes I think he's got the spppsy in his brain, or the contagion of the limbs, or somethin or ruther, he's so cross. " Well, that morniu arter Cicero had gone to the medder, I went and put on my best black silk gown (stop laflin) and new crapo bonnit, and mv cbanticlcer m^r mv ~ "J shoulders, and llio kivcr rite in in)' liand, and started for the iron in an nor factory. "Mr. Blackstcd was to hum, and he peared powerful glad to see me, and asked mo to set down on a nail kag and "wait till Jje'd mended it, hut I told him I couldn't, *uid lie said he'd J^ing it up to our'us that flight. ^ I was very much delighted with Mr. JJlockstcd, and determined, if he como up villi the kiver, to give him a good, strong cup of my beet green tea. Yer cuzzin M;iry was here, and you know what a wild, rude critter she is; well, she sed that if she was in my place, slie'd build up a fire in the fore room, and intertain him iu there, j^to please her, I did, and 1 hndn't got il fairly doue, wheu in cum Mr. Blacksteil with the kiver iu his pocket. Mary sh< went to the door, and paraded him in th< fone room, and made him sit down in tb< gtvpt^arm-chair, (Cicero made it out of ai old barrel) and gin liim a cricket to spt hii feet on. u Wo drinked tea, and Mr. f}laekstc< stayed fall three hours, and we hod a trie little chat with him. Anybody' a though thai ycr enzsin Mary had a been brougU to a blacksmith's shop, to heard her tal! bout how-slioes, nnd ox-shoes, and iroi the time as if then .ingitfty 'H? over a-la uai r* v ,-+ 4 | " Alter that night, Mr. IMacksted cum ns j much as twice a week to our house, and I | ! If actilly wore out my best spotted muslin cap a dressin up for him! lie aliers talked most to Alary, but law ! thinks I to myself, J he's only a little bashful! One night, arter . s j we\l talke<l a spell in the fore room, lie < ; asked me if I wouldn't favor him with a j t ! little private revenue in another room. I i I | got up and look him into the dried-apple i j room, and the minnit I shot the fore room j * | door, 1 heerd that torment of a Mary laflin j 1 , like all possessed. ! I l " Set down, Mr. ]>lackslcd, sez I, 'and!4 i make yerself contented; it ain't a very j nice room, but I guess wc can make it do,' . ' ' sez T. j .*> | " ? O, yes,' sez lie, ' it'll do well enough, I r ( Mrs. Tripe, well enough?I only asked you | ' to rum somewhere for fear?ahem! I ' i j s'pose, Mrs. Tripe, you'll think 1 in loo sum- i s . den about it, but' j j '"Law, no! Mr. lllackstod,' per. I, "it's j 11 best (o strike while tho iron's Iiot, ain't j it ?' L " 11 'erciselv, Mrs. Tripe, pcrcisely !' sez ? , ho, ' but I didn't know but but you might think that I hadn't oi l to so soon.' " ; ,l * O, Mr. lllacksted, sez I, ' it's allers best 'i j to be iu season.' ' 1,1 Jest so I think,' sez he, 'and I want ! n lo kr.ow if you'd be willin for mo to marry ' I yer niece, Miss K irkhud, pervided she don't , ^ keerV ! h " I was'slruck. (Miserable old curmud- si goon !) I didn't know what to say, but at I i?l I pinted to the door. I meant for him e In go oil; liiiL lie didn't understood me, and ^ went litis into tlic fore room agin, ami acked 1' Mary to hev liim, 1 s'jjosc. She never ; n wonlil loll me a thing nhout it, hut when I a g?>t hack in the fore room, she was a-settin there a hdlin as if she'd die, ami Mr. Ulack- n sled was jest a-goiitu out of the floor, a j *' swearin like a pirate! ' Aunt.' srz she, 4 that tea kittle kiver , '' will he the death of me yet; ami then she ; c laiFerl till her cheeks was as red as lire ^ coals! >' ' Mr. Blacks ted hain't hoeu here sense? sl he went o(l" putty soon afterwards, and I l' ain't seen him sense, ami don't want t<>.? ? 1 >esaUfjjl old snipe!" j ? ?- i a Utility Conscience.?Ono of the most me- , b morable passages over uttered l?v Mr. Web- | p ster was in ilm vindication of llie aulliorily I n of conscience and of providence. On a trial ; o for a dark and mysterious murder. " The a Ofiiiitv soul cannot keep ils own secret."? f. l? is false to itself, or rather it feels an irrc- a s'stible impulse to be true to itself. It labors 1 c u ider ils guilty possession and knows not d what lo do with it. The human heart was ; i not made for the residence of such an in- j j habitant. It finds itself preyo l upon by a i c torment which it does not acknowledge to | i CJod or man. A vulture is devouring it, j ?< and 't. can a>k no sympathy or assistance, : ? either from heaven or earth. The secret : L which the murderer possess, soon conies lo t j possess him ; and like the evil spirit of which j t j we read, it overcomes him and loads bim ' i : withersoever it will, lie feels it boiling ! c { at his heart, rising in his thiuiit, ami <lc- \ inaniling disclosure. Ho thinks the whole j \ j world sees it in his fact*, reads it in his eyes, ; i ' ami almost hears iu working in the very j . silence of his thoughts. It has become his . ' master. It betrays his discretion, it breaks | ; down his courage, it conquers his prudence* . ; When suspicions front without begin to ; ; emhiirrass him, and the;iet of circumstances j | to entangle him, the fatal secret struggles ( with still greater violence to burst forth # ( ! It must be confessed ; it will be confessed * there is no refuge from confession, but sui. ... - . 1 oiile; and suicide is confession. ' +, 1 One-Tenth of a Sccoml frc.m Death.?It < will be remembered that the tyev. Mr. Sellwood of the Episcopal Church, missionary I lo Oregon, was in the Panama massacr^ I and rcporleh among the dead. In a letter i just received from him, lie says that he 1 received four wounds, and is disfigured for life, llis narrow escape from death is thus described : After I had recovered, and previous to 1 leaving the hospital, one of my medical at- 1 tendauts said to roe: " I look upon your escnpo as a miracle ; the ball passed so near the heart, that it roust have passed at the ipstaut of its contraction, for had it passed at its expansion, you roust have been killed. Just tlio one-tenth of a second rondo all the difference in your case between life and death." ? Funny if True.?It is related of Thomas F. Marshall that a Judge having once fined him thirty dollars for contempt of conrt, he , rose and asked the Judge to loan hiro the t, money as he had'pt jt, as there was po friend | present to whom he could bo well apply aa 5 10 nis uonor. Tills was a stumper. The ; Judge looked at Tom and then at the 3 clerk, and finally said : " Clerk remit Mr. , Marshall's fine; the State is better ftble to , loose thirty dollars' than I am.M "Julius, was you ever iij business I"? * f In course I was." M What sort of busi0 riess Jn 44 A sugar planter." ? When was 1 dat, my colored friendw Der day I 1 buried dat old sweetheart ob m'me." k , -- * a A country girl writing to ber friends il.. -.^11-^ M * ? * a oi mo poiKH, tiro " ipe unnciD' aoes f. not amount to much bwt M?? i)Hgglu' f# heavenly." ; ? 4!" ' BW r.f . v ft-. < THE MALITIA 8Y8TEM. A writer in the Winnsboro Register, over .lie signature of " A Sufferer," writes us ollows : M it. Editor: Having very recently been inrroundod by the "glorious pomp and cir:uinstance of war," a few rejections upon lie present Militia system of South Caroina may not be counted inappropriate. Much has been said in defence of the ystem of military, so long supported by ho Legislature of this State, and incidents lave been cited as proof of the good it lias lone, tuc most prominent of which, is, llie I iction and gallant bearing of the Palmetto tcgiinent in Mexico. The most devoted ! idniirers, and strongost defenders of onr nilitia system, aro those whose good foruncs it is to wear cocked hats and long >rass epiirs, and to sit on horseback in the hade, watching with a critic's eye the volutions performed by the rank and file, inder a broiling sun. This is significant, >r, certain it is, if tho system be abolished liese cock halted gentry would be thrown lit of comfortable positions. The system is at best a splendid farce, a magnificent humbug, and a gross imposiiou, and a heavy tax upon tho people. It j i nouitng moro nor nothing loss. Men I ro forced to leave their farms and rid? I vventy and thirty miles to do duly in ' Vitiusboro two days, and pay their tavern ! ills, to satisfy the whim of some long j |?uired, chapcaucd gentleman, who des'res > "show oft"." The "general" muster day Dines, and the lino, .*?fter some difficulty, is jrmed, and the regiment turned over to le officer commanding. I To takes com- j land, and the exercise in the manual of: nils is commenced. " Shoulder a-r-ms" is j ie words, and shouldering it is. You see j tins on the right shoulder, and guns on ! ie left shoulder; guns with the cocks i irued out, and gnus with the cocks tinned 1 i, with their muzzles pointing towards j very imaginable point of the compass.? i ome have r:iiiir<nl--s siml lini-n will-. I ig cames. " Present Hsr-m-s" comes next, ml ihivc-fourlhs of the "sodgers" hold icir pieces in such a position as lo cause ue to imagine tliey were looking for some lie to present them to; others hold their rms at an angle of -15 degrees across their leasts, mid some appear as though tlicv were reparing to " take aim" at the hall on the larket steeple, while others clap the barrels f their bird gnus alongside their noses, tid allow the butts lo slick out about a jolfioii) the place where they deposit beans ml bacon. "Support a-r-m-s" is t!ic next! ommaml. Ten to one it" .some of litem j ton't "charge bayonets,*' while others will i liink that their arms should support them,' us'.cad of they supporting their arms, and j ase them down to an " order." " Order a r-m-s" comes at last. Well, to j 'order arms" from a "support" is not cx- I 'cthj in accordance with Macomb or Scolt ; ! nit down comes their, a to rap, like rain ! lrops,.one at a time, and very often the butt | >f a fourteen pound musket will fall upon j he little toe of the man on the right, and \ :ausc him to wish his left hand neighbor ; vas an inhabitant of a certain couuliy, ! vhere the climate is said to be exceedingly ! warm. J Now come, " shoulder arms" and the j narehing and wheeling begins. Those who ihvc corns and lender heels suffer some, iboijt that lime. Sonic put their left foul J own at t lie tlaii) ut' (lie drill)), tome their right, and some between lite flams. Sonic ?tep 28 inches, some thirty-eight, and others not more than eighteen inches, nml when [hoy wheel, joii would imagine the right nml left guides of the companies were about to run into each other, while the 5 nnpany has formed itself into files four mid five deep, and the General tells Lliem he is highly gratified with their performance ; never saw bolter drilled soldiers in his life; musket and cartridge box the life preservers of our country, especially when handled by such soldiers as they are ; bids them au affectionate farewell, and tho rank and file retire to their homos fully wtisfied ' that every word the " General" said, was ^ndsactly" true, and that Na?i _ m i r? i- ? !>oits<in b viu uurtiu? nvvur saw iue uay when they could beat them a mustering. It is a mistaken notion, Afr. Editor, that tho big and enviable position, which the Falmetto Regiment took in Mexico, was owning in a great measure to the fact, that they were drilled at home before hand.? When the Regiment was mustered into service, nine tenths of the officers and men * knew no mora about military tactics, than Billy Patterson knew of the man who struck him, and it was only tho severest sort of 4rin>ngi that mado them what they were. Their gallantry was neither lessened or increased by their knowledge of military tactics, for bravery with them was au inherent principle, a trait inseparable from the nliorncfAr of nil trUA 8oui.ll CjirnHrtinnn Tlio military, lias long become in our State, nothing more than a stepping stone for political aapirants. Look at our Legislature ; almost every other number is either a Colonel or a Qefltfal. The Military committee, in the House is inrariabl? composed of military men, who frowrt down any at* tempi to ehanoe or abolish our military By stem, and charge those wfy> wiah it abolished HffUi * Wantof patriotism. freed from present imposition practiced upon tliein in tho way of pretty and regimental musters. A SUFFERER. HE HEVBB 8WEARS. ' Mother," said u little boy, " you know llenrv (j , tlio and dumb boy, don't you? " Yes, my son.'" " Well, Mother, he never swears." " Of course not, my dear,"said the mothi cr, " ]iu cannot speak?lie is duind." "Well T ?!..<? ??* ??--- ' - , - ....... .....v, uui mvii iiu never swears any way. IIo might write it, you know, but he never does ; he is a good boy." Young swearer! would you have been willing to write the first oath you uttered ? Or would you now be willing to write an oath on nice white paper, in a firm hand, and show it to your parents or Sunday School teacher, or to any of the friends whose love and esteem you desire ! Would you feel proud of it as you would of an exercise in composition ? No, no ? you would be ashamed of it, for it is a low, detestable vice. Remember, the Bible says : " For even* idle word ye shall be brought unto judgement." The oaths you utter are written ?they are written in your memory?in God's ?I A ...I .1. - ...vmuit . iiiiu uiu nine win cotne wiicii tho dark cataloguo will be brought up fur your condemnation. O, swearer! young or old, add no moro to wliat is already written ! lJut there arc many little boys, I trust, who lead this, who, like the deaf and dumb boy, "never swears any way, " not von in their thoughts. Dear children, never yield to the temptation. Some boys think it manly to swear but there is nothing noble or manly about it. As I was going along the street to-day I passed a welliheshcd man. whom I iiihrht have thought a gentleman if I had not heard him swear! If lie had been dressed like a king, I should have despised him after that. O, let your lips lie as free from profanity as those of the dumb boy ! Let your tongue be as guiltless in this respcct as his pcneil" Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy Clod in vain; forlho Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name iu vain." ?S. ,S*. Advocate. 1 Vild J fa n of Africa.?Tlieto is another inhabitant of the fJaboon liivcr nioro to be feared than the African boar. It is the wild man of the woods?not the orang outang, though ?v> immense ape?always acting on the oiletisivc and ready to attack man. The bones of bis extremities arc longer tlitm those of an ordinary sized, full grown man. I have examined litem here, and while contemplat:ng tlic skull, the jnws, and their terrible apparatus, really experieneed a sort of shuddering. The canine teeth arc upwards of two inches long and of proportionable bulk. There is a ridge running from the top of tho nose backward over the crown of the head ; lo this is affixed a muscle by which the living animal draws backward and forward ? most frightful crest of stiff hairs ; when enraged or proposing to inffiict injury, he erccts them ami draws the crest forward over his large eyes, uttering most hideous yells at the .tntnc time. Nothing seems to intimidate him. Some limes ho advances with boughs of trees broi ken off for tlic purpose of conceding his ap' proach and attack, and suddenly grasp the i nr .. i...:-.. i-t.? i :- ~ ? - .. ........... wi-i.ij; iMliiga mill UlSlHIIlly to tlic ground, breaks bis bones by blows of bis mighty arms and hamls, and tears the flesh by his moijstroijs teejli. Tho native huntsman who goes in search or meets with him while pursuing less formidable animals, lins learned that the safest way to engage is to act quito on the defensive ; to let monster draw near, when he will immediately seize the end of the muzzle of the gun between his teeth. Instantly it must be discharged : if tlie man either delays till the ape has compresscd tho barrol so to closo it* or fails to give a mortal wound, his doom is ooaled.?7ravel in Africa. ^^ ? Idleness.?An indolent man is a nuisance to society. If wedded lie is a nuisance to his family; be ho rich or poor. If iich his idle example will bo followed by his children, and ibey grow up spendthrifts, wholly incapable of doing any thing useful and in nine cases out of ten they become poverty stricken, vicious and a pest to society. If thp jdle maripd man iff poor he is a burthen to his family, &"d his (jaya glide away without thought of tho wietchedness that awaits himself, and all those who should bo his dependants for food, raiment, and good examples; yet, with all this in perspective, he lacks moral courage to reform his habit-*, and become a man to save his little ones from perishing. Indolent bachelors are likewise a nuisance to the well being of tooiety. Such charao' ters should be shunned aa one would shun the evil one; for indolence begets condemnation and punishment. Idle men, or those who support themselves in idleness, must be gsitiwters, swindler* or robbers, for idleness will not sajvpoft* man honestly. Beware, therefore, one end all, rich or poor of engendering this foundation of *1} habits, *chew its sHurewepU, and forever waft i# the pleasant path of industry, * wfcers ?o?fods ?Kl joys wjlj. be fey ami ?U# eoMViiniotss. > - LIVE FOR SOMETHING. J The smallest insect in creation has its appointed work to do. The atom that floats before ?s, tho softest zephyr, the faintest ray of reflected light, each has its separato j portion of labor. They all exist for a pur- j pose ?either for good or evil. Seeing this j ?as even untrained eyes and uncultivated j intellects must?how culpablo are we if we j havo 110 aim before us? If we listlessly! arise and move around?or worse, if wo ! spend tho time God has given us to im- j prove in soulless pleasure or contaminating , action. We may be poor, persecuted, siok, \ chained to adverso influences, but 110 circumstances can absolve us from a work to do. Wo may l?e blind, deaf, crippled ;? Ho who permitted our adversity, gave us our appointed path, and the light to walk j therein. AVo may be Bunyans shut up in I prison, our limits circumscribed, our movements clogged, but as far as we have capacity we can all write pilgrimages. They may be wiitten in patient cnduranco of suffering, in holy trust under tho darkness of affliction. They may be written penitent tears and transcribed l>v nmrols in ilm 1 of Ilcaven. Ami tlio work wo do. What shall il he , ?for good or for evil i Shall wo exalt or J drag down, bless or curse, build up or destroy ? One or iho other we must bo pursuing. Our every look, thought, and action ^ is reilected in a pure or pornicious influcnco ; by the minds revolving around our sphere, j Momentous power! iliey chooso or reject. A wo|k to do! You aro not excepted, 1 woimm of fashion, nor you, gold-worshipping mam Through tho wall of adamant built up around your soul?through tho thick drapery of selfishness folded over and over your hearts, that yojee of tho Eternal ; will penetrate, " live for something." The j very heaven that bends blue above von? the very earth beneath your careless tread j ?the (lowers of huiiiaiiily that bloom along ; your pathway?the weeds that wither under your loathing glance?the yearning of your immortal spirit, that cannot be suppressed?the voice within you that cannot bo silenced?all tell you of that work to do. How beautiful your lives might be made, yo who have power?do ye ever think of it ? Look back along the life you have travold?have you built any temples where simple goodness may worship ?? Ilave you planted here and there a Ireo that will live when von nrn ovmo nml vi?l.l i - - - e> J """ fruit that, as it is plucked, will call forth sweet memories of your sojourn here ?? Have you ever made your name a household word, or have you lived but to build houses and buy merchandise, and erect an altar and a tomple and a moment to corrupt A?'] perishing self? How aie you to answer these questions when you 6tHiul up before tho Omnipotent 1 Xot them with a laugh or sneer, or a cold marble face, for the thousands of opportunities that you have murdered will rise up in that hour to condemn you, Hon. L. M. ?The Lynchburg Republican speaking of the glorious rally of the Democracy in Lynchburj* a few evoliings since, refers to the brilliant effort of Col. Keitt in the following glowing terms: l% Thero were some bursts of eloquence? : which could no more be reported than the 1 lightning's flash could be daguerreotyped. J It was not n parly speech in any sense. The orator viewed llio present election solely in its bearing upon the North and South in a collection of wrongs, which made a deep impression. It was evident that the orator looked with hut little confidence upon any change of action on the part of the North, and deemed it high time for the South to arouse itself to a sense of its danger, and uphold its right* without regard to consequences. The parallel he instituted between South Carolina and Massachusetts, was a most splendid vindication of his own State, and a withering assault upon that of Massachusetts, from whose brow he scornfully tore many a stolen laurel. . In fine, the specch of Mr. Keilt was tho speech of a Southern crentlemnn iuntlv indif/nant r?i o ^ J Q "? Notbern aggression and arrogance, and expressing his indignation in language ot* the truest and loftiest eloquence, lie more than sustained liis previous high reputation, and added another to the many efforts, tyliicb have given him such high standing as a speaker of tho very highest of oratory. The North and the South.?As an incident, not mnl aprojws at tho present time, related to us a fp>7 evenings since by tho good and fair compagnon du voyage of a whole-souled and impetuous frieud of ours, just returned from his summer's "grand tour" it) the Jforth, wo give the following; IJe entered the cars for Philadelphia one morning with the lady upon his arm, when every seat seemed to be oooupied. Looking around for & moment and seeing no signs that the spirit of gallantry was moving tM nn? Ita Inmllv ATAlaimiul "Ta <liarn B ?V ? J ?? " not a gentleman here to offer a lady a seat* I don't care for myself ?" His appeal brought one gentleman promptly to the rescue, and white oat friend was unking his acknowledgment* bcsaya f "fcir, I presume IPtf^ ^ - y ^ ^ ^ ' - Xi * >i--- " ... ... ; .. ' ?, THAT JJAM ROARING. A young buck went to seethe daughter j of a Presbyterian elder lately, whose bouse ! was near a mill dam. It being the spring i of tho year, tbo waters made consideruMo I of a roar as they tumbled over the dam.! The modest voting gentleman tapped lightly at the door at first and received no answer. ][o tipped again?still no answer. Again and again ho repeated his knock, but siill he was unheard. Mustering up courage, he proceeded to inflict some severe thumps on tho door, which brought tho staid old gentleman out. "I suppose," said tho youngster, who had by this time becomo slightly savage, from being compelled to wait so long, " I suppose you could not hear me knocking for the dam roaring." " Tho dam roaring! What do you mean, sir? How dare yon speak in that way ?" said the divine, somewhat angered at hearing the young mail Bwear in his presence. II I ?!- ?!.-? T - X ICUII LU ony, on, milk X bUJ>J)OH<3 you could not hear mo knocking on account, of the dam roaring." " Dam roaring ! You young scoundrel! Have you tho impudenco to insult mo with a repetition of those words ? Bogono sir !" "My dear sir!" quoth tho now bewildered youth, " I intended to say that I presume I could not b? beared on account of the dam roaring," laying particular emphasis on tho hist two words. " insult on insult," shouted the infuriated inan, and ho rushed at tho poor fellow with tho evident mention of ejecting him hut was restrained by tho voico of his daughter, exclaiming: | Papa, I suppose the young man intended | to say that he couldn't be heard on account | of the roaring of llio dam." Oh?I beg your pardon, sir?I beg your pardon?walk in, sir?ah well! I declare! The dam roarinjr! Cn!)it?i!! come. O A in, como in ! that is really loo rich." It is nocdlos8 to add that the youngster wont in, and in the pscpllent society of the young lady, soon forgot tho " dam roaring." Great on Statistics.?The Times would mako its readers believe that it is great on statistics, and for this end publishes this morning over a column of figures, to show tho inferiority of tho 6o-callcd slavo States, to tho " free Htates." Wo liavo often shown tho fallacy of compating Stales, whose climate demand negro labor, with those adapted to white labor, and it would seem that any man who possessed the smallest modicum of brains would know better. However, the fools nre not all dead yet. The point in llio 7'iuiea* statistics, however, to which we wish to draw attention, is this { We hnvo heard recently, much about the " poor whites" of the South, but it appears from the Times' tables that they nre not so bad ofT nftor all. Tlio value of tho real and personal estate of each white citizen in Xew York, is$31G, . . . Jin Virginia, $411, in Ohio, ?2.55, and in Kentucky, right across the river, "cursed with slavery," it is $091. In Michigan it is $150 to each citizen, in Arkansas $215. Tho difference between tho much lauded State of Massachusetts and the greatly abused State of South Carolina, is still greater. In tho former State it is $677. in i tlio latter, $1,017. From this it would ! seem that the "poor whiles" of Mansnchu8ctta were only half as rich as tho " poor whites " of Bouth Carolina.?Weio York Day Book-. Expense of Sharing.?Lynn IiarJ furj nishes tho Boston Transcript with tho following statistics of shaving: Suppose a man begins to slmvo at seventeen, and continues tho practico until he is sixty ; it will be found that he has shaved fifteen thousand seven hundred times. Going to tho barber's, stopping and returning, cannot bo estimated at les3 than half an hour, which, at ten working hours a day, will consume two whole years! At six cents for each time, tho amount will be $042, enough to build an ornamented cottage, or pay his board for six years ! And all for a custom, the utility of which is by no weans positive, Somo eminent pliysiol ogists tell us it is decidedly injurious.? Wearing tho beard is not with us as a " question wo are ??tisfied of its propriety ?it will Inko Bometbincr more to tha nur pose than ridicule to oonvinco us to the contrary. Were we to commence life ngaiu, we would not shave. Mouse Story.?An Albany editor says tbat a mouse, which had several times been been eaught-in tbo act of nib|ing the nice things in his pantry, was the other day traced to its nest, which was found to contain seven or eight little " responsibilities,* The parent rogue was arrested, and executed for larceny. On one side of the nest, a piece of an old P>b|? wa? found, on /f^1 the following words were disHi*^ visible: >, rm_ .. \Vli?t liviw? - jluou ointiii nut op*? -r? ? An, P** 0"* 7W*.?(To he played . jo <h Owinib"*^?K n?Wl to go obtiulfl ' Hto fWfr * J*4y."pW H,ap, *xct?o that ? " ' * ' 'n . J ~ A BEUTIFUL TRIBUTE TO A WIFE. Sir J nines Macintosh, tlio historian, wm> married in early life, before lie attained fortune or fame, to Miss Catharine Stuart, a young Scoteli lady, distinguished moro for the excellence of her character than Jier charms. After eight years of a happy wedded life, during which she bccame the mother of three children, she died. A lew days after her death, the bprcaved liusband wrote to a friend, depicting tho character of wife in the following terms: " I was guided (ho observes) in my choice only by the blind ?flection of my yplith, I found an intelligent companion and a tender friend, a prudent monitress, the most faithful r.r ?.J - vl ? i vx, mm o mother as tender as children cvor liad tho inisfortuuo to lose. I met a woman, who by the lender management of my wchIct ncsses, gradually corrected tho most perui, cious of them. She became prudent from affection, and though of the most generous nature, she was taught frugality am] ocon? omy by her lovo for me, " During (.lie most critical period of my life she preserved order in my affairs, from tho care of which she relieved me. She gently reclaimed mo from dissipation ; she propped my weak and irresolute uature; she urged my indolence to all tho exertions that have been useful and creditable to me, and she was perpetually at hand to adnioij-: isli iny heedlessness or improvidence. To her { owe whatever T am ; to her wliatevor I shall be. In her solicitude fur my intOFest, she never for si pioipent forgot my feelings or ni}' character. Even in her occasional resentment, for which I hut too often gave her cause, (would to (?ud I could rocall those moments !) she had no sullenness nor nerimany. Iler feelings wero warm and impetuous; but alio was placable, tender and constant. Such was eh a whom I have lost when her excellent natural sense rapidly improving, after eight years' struggle and distress had bound ua fast together and moulded our tempers to each other; when a knowledge of hor worth had refined my youthful love into friendship, and before ago had deprived it of much of its original ardor. I lost her, alas! tho choice of my youth, the partner of my mi.-forUiiies, nt a moment when I hrul tho prospcGt of her s}ir>ring my bettor I Jays.?Home Journal. It is related of Dr. Franklin that wlien ho was last in London, lie was walking one day with a pair of spectacles on, belonging to a friend, He kept t]jen) on, pretending * they would help bis eyes. Passiug along, a porter ran against him. " D? your spec-: taclcs !" said the coarso fellow; whereupon tho Doctor, laughjng heartily,said, "There, my friend, you see what I said was true, for if I had not had the spectacles on, lie would have d?d niv eyes." A Cheat of Proverb.?We beg to state tllllt. flirt rvi-ni'ftvK it T ~ 1? *"'1 - - i cuiHtr, iiguuy go," does not apply to tlic gout, nor to one's mother in law, nor lo the rheumatism, nor freckles, nor to a light sovereign ; for ail theao plagues come lightly enough, ami yet thero is the great difficulty sometimes in getting them to go. " Are you an Odd-Fellow !" " No Fin a married man," " Arc you a mason " Xo I'm a carpenter hy trade." " Are you a 8on of Tempcrance." "No, I'm a son of old Joe Parks out here." The Two Piclurcs.?"I have subdued the nations of the earth : is thero no other world for 1110 to conquer J"?Alexander the Great. 111 linvo fought tlic good fis*ht?I have finished my course, I lmvo kept tho faith ; henccforth there is laid up for mo aorQvrn of righteousness."?St. Paul. One of tho best rules in conversation U never to say anything which any of the company can reasonably wish. we had rather left unsaid; nor can there well be aught more contrary to ends for which people meet together, than to parttinAatii* tied with each other or tbemsoiv??'. A speculator who buys largely of yia producer*, remarked to us, tin* the thing he looked for, when he went into a man's house to purchase, was ftnctvqpSpOf ( If ho saw none lie was sure of a good bar* Sni,,? ' "Look here Clgm, can you U)]Lf|is n'gger why dat wooly bead of yon am alike ?" " Well, Sambo, I ge*? day ain bof round." .^]?o, dotWWM^ifc't it is case ifoy ??n bof ? posed tobet^*^rtw<* -#? P <M' -1^ Wrtif Howes, a- jou?"^n,an Mongomery, AIj?wi11^ redeMtjk came mto ??* % A woman is cither wortfy potting- or great deal. It worth noUiingf, 9$S$r; t)ofc worth getting jetAom i^ t ^ ^ trwo woman, site will give " J*