Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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p. BEARD, Publisher. VOL. X CAMDEN, KERSHAW COUNTY, 8. C., THURSDAY, JULY 26, 1883. NO. 44 , tew&aw i?>ettc. " JS '" 1 " "" ** ' *?* PEOPLE'S PAPER. WiLMBIP AT CAMDEN, |. C. FRANK P. BEARD. Publisher ?'??u. ?.a. H.?- I, I II as To CorfMipM<Mte. Allc?mmualcaUona for thU paper ttrnM btM* eompanlod by the name of the author, not necea Mrtty for pobileattoo, but Man evidence of good IMthoo tbt put of the writer. Writ* on iron on* ?Moot Nwwtr. Be particularly carefn) In (trine - udn and date* to hare the letter* plain and dl? The Gazettp Job Printing Office * It ?rrr?B prepared thuwiyoUwr otM In loexpitr lu ttoiuo?ttl(rKUnit)ilM?Trr74N(tt)i> ? lion of Job Prlutluff, ?uch M Pamphlet*, IjiW^ Hill lie*!*. Letter And Note Head*. Iaw ?4Mf9b] Potent, Pudirec*, OlixaWrt, Hand Bllta, WiJd.n*, Vlrtlngavd AddrvuCVd*, HuillMtQutU. U)wll *s~ 4 * ' - ? ? S j V . \^U? Work JomIu Bronte, lied, lWuo nna BUct The public must rtnueiubor thai (be book U alwejr* the cl\e*|*.-t.t. Wo do work at Charleston Pi I CO#, Mid |?UWll* entire satisfaction to our patron*. Wo keep constantly on band the lutott stock o? Papers and (.'ards In town. ; v V vol Lot* f I know your littlo heart, Oh, I read ii long ago, Tli to plMM me that you tease me. Saying, No, No, No! Laughing, No I Well, 'tis wiee, bat is it fair To make merry ut my woe ? Thus to grieve me and deoeive me, Saying, No, No, No ! / Laughing, No ! Pretty mischief ! Obangeling! Elf I Ci*w, oh ! ceaso to vex me so? Oeaee to rex me and perplex trie,"'"'" Saying, No, No, No I Laughing, No! ? 'Manhattan Magatine. A Counterfeit Cousin. Edward dregory sat at' his d?3k In the treasury department at Wash ington* He was busy in rearranging his letters and, papers preparatory to taking the thirty days' leave which Is annually granted to government clerks. While thus engaged a messen ger gave him a letter. The young man glanced at the superscription, and nt once recognized . it as that of his uncle, James Lawrence, with whom he kept up a desultory correspondence. As he thrust his finger through the unsealed, space in the envelope to tear it open, a tall athletio man strode into the room. He was broad-shouldered and deep-chested, and at onp breath seemed to have exhausted the vitality of the air in the. close*' musty room. "We're oft on the morning boat, Gregory/' he shouted breezily; "so get your traps together and don't fail us. Fisher sent word to me yesterday that the shooting is glorious and that there are lots of the club fellows down there. The boat leaves at 10, so you'd better be ready at 9, and 111 step for you on my way down." "All right," said Gregory, as his un ceremonious friend' went toward the door, "I'll be ready." And then he turned his attention to the letter in Ills hand, which he opened and read in a perplexity which his face plainly show#!. He road'it careftrtly4wice. "Just my luck," he muttered as he went across the room and laid the letter on the desk where a man before whom a multitude of documents were piled sat writing. "Holt," he said, in an irritated voice, " you heard what Taylor said just now, didn't you? And now look at this," pushing the letter toward him. ; Mx D*ab En? 'Your cousin, Mnrion Law rence, will atop in Washington on hor w'ny from Richmond to Ohio, where oho is going to spend the winter. I havo taken tho liborty to assure her that you will show hor about tho eity, and I shall take as a poreounl favor any attention you oan pay her. Bhe will leave Riohmona Tuesday, and will stay at Mrs. Seldon's on I street. Your undo, Jameh Lawjrknoe. "I don't know what to do," said Gregory, as Holt laid tho letter down. "I have been disappointed twico be fore about this samo trip down tho river. I hate to give it up thiu time. I shall have to do it, though. My wife Is always up In tho Adirondacks with her mother, and it would nevor do for this Kirl to sro about alonn." As Gregory paused to review the case another phase presented Itself, and. he continue ! iu a depressed tone: ??This malaria is all through my system.. I must get away from the breath of the Potomao flats." If alt smiled a little. His friend, as he stood before him, tall and broad chested, had every indication of vigor and perfeot health. "You had better go," Holt urged gayly. "I'll sacrifice myself for a day or two and go about with the girl. Together we will visit the capTtol, the patent office and the Corcoran art gallery.1* , 41 Oh, It's Impossible 1" interrupted Gregory, Impatiently. " My unole would be shocked at her going about with an unmarried man. If my wife were here or I was sure that the girl knew anything of the world and could take care of herself I would go any way, but as it is there is/iothlng to do but to stay. I'll have to go around and tell Taylor that I can't go," he added, dejectedly. But the end of the talk was that Gregory, though protest ing, made up his mind, with his friend's assistance, to saorlllce himself And go. Three days later Marion Lawrence was sitting In a smull room in Mrs. BdAon'a fashionable boarding-house idly drumming with her Angers upon the arm . of the ohair. Mrs. Beldon's boarders had Sedulously Inquired of each other, "Who Is sheV" with the meaning always implied by that ques tion In Washington, via, , "Is she re lated to any one in pftrtieulitr? to any one in offioial llfo?" Unable to ascer tain, they held cordiality In abeyanoe and took on that undefinable manner Whleh women have at oommand hen feeling their way with stranrcfr , and Whloh may be ohatiged without ab ruptness either to active friendliness Or to a passive indifference, aeoording lo the desirability of the acquaintance. As to Marlon, she had taken three meals at the crowded tables and had b?en but little impressed by the faces about her. Bhe had gone to her room after dlnher, and sat there, wondering why that cousin, of whom her tincie had written her, did not appear. Boon she heard the sharp ring of the doer bell, and, listening, she thought she heard ner own namo spoken. A mo ment later hsr suspicions were verified. A servant came to her door with a let ter for her. She gave a hasty glance at IU cont ents' and went quickly down the stairs to the pnrlo?. The only person In the Iroom was a young man siting on the edge Of % wraff upho) ?tereif chair. $ He rose tut the came lb with the letter in her h<nd. . MS J ]Z\ ? Po you are my cousin,'* sho said, holding out her heads.^**! wm so do when Milt note oame in uncles r l^rritng. ttWhs getting in this strange i will pardon me for not h* said, taking the .'S" I sent the letter t would possibly Identify me JnT Is easily pardoned," she ?aid In a manner at onoe oordial and reassuring. "Do you know I never heard of ton, excepting possibly your name, until uncle wro&me last Week. It there any reason why }?u shouldn't ->??*?? of in the family? ' alio 4e manded, showing beautiful white teeth as she laughed. v "Perhaps I have never done any thing worth speaking of," he answered; " and I am not at ail sure that you could have heard anything good ; but as I had never known of you either, we can -take each other for what we teem to be and not begin on the wrong basis of somebody else's opinion." "Why, do you feel thnt way, too? ' slje asked in surprise. " I can agree with poople in everything except their opinion# of others, but in that regard I never can think with any one else. I am so o ld about likes and dislikes. I never like people because I ought to, especially ; < 'huvcs. If anything, I am a little mote intolerant of a defect in a relative than in any one else. It's a sort of personal reflection, don't you think boV" As she spoke he had time to make up his mind tliat her attractions lay chiefly in her animation and frankness ! of speech. Her nose was not good; j her mouth was large and only pretty when smiling; her gray eyes were sim ply pleasant. On the whole he decided that she was a cousin to bo mildly proud of. Before he left that evening they were quite well acquainted, and had exchanged views on innumerable top ics, ending their talk with somo busi ness-like plans for s:ght-seeing the next day. After he left her ho went slowly down the street toward Pennsylvania avenue. He finally entered a hotel and sat down in front of one of the large windows overlooking the street. Un doubtedly his evening bad somewhat unsettled him. He had found his com panion fascinating and original, and as she made no inquiries for Mrs. Gregory he concluded that she did not know of that lady's existence. The next morning they found that sight seeing is a popular business. Thoy were surprised at the number of people who were visiting the public buildings. She talked in a bright, observant way, making good-natured comments on tho people they saw. Uefore the end of the flrBt day she had become quite export In reading something of the lives of these people, from their manners and talk. She knew all the brides and grooms, and laughed at the conspicuous nonchalanco which some of them aftectod. She was a real tourist and carried a guide-book, which she was always consulting, and her face woro such an expression of con scientious resolvo to see everything there was to be Keen that her com panion began to feel tho necessity of boing lnformod and was, glad to avail himself of an opportunity so fortu nate. After three days of this, days of do light to tliom both, eho announced her iniention of raiting for a day before visiting the Corcoran art gallery. " I cannot appreciate pictures when I am tired," sne averred the evening of tho third day as thoy stood on the steps. "I am going to rost to-mor row, and when 1 go to tho gallery I fhull go alone. 1 cai romembor pic tures so much hotter when I give my self up to them." It was then that he thought of the restfulness of that view of the Poto mac as it fades into the horizon on its way to the sea, and eo ho tisked her to go out in liis boat. The next after noon at 5 o'clock they wore ( n the river. Under his vigorous strokes the boat shot through the water, and, Marion Btearirig, passed under the aaueduct bridge and furthor on to where the stream grows narrower and the woods on the Virginia shore thick en and ferns nod on the banks. IIo was silent, feeling n t alt gether guiltless, but ho soon gava himself up to the fileasure of the hour and was enjoy ng himself in the ro!o of what she supposed him to be ? an unmarried oousin. Ife wjis watching her faco as he pulled steadily along, and It was not without surprise that he saw in it the passionate love she felt for the things about her. Something had made her beautiful. The breeze had brought the red to her cheek, but that was not it; her hair had blown up in a soft little aureole at>out her brow, but that was not the special attraction. It was her eyes which, looking now into the green water, now at the Bky, or into the soft gray of the Woods, had grown suddenly large and luminous 1 with feeling;. They fctoppe 1 for a time at one of the boat club landings. Marion sat in the stern of the boat, while her com panion cla'nbered over the high rocks la search of maiden-hair ferns. It was all like a delicious dream to her. The sha lows were creeping over the already dim woods, and the darkening water waves of sweet odors were drifting over he?- faoe, and as he came back bringing for her a bunoh of ten der greens she looked up, her face aglow. " There are no words that can ex pirees my pleasure," she said, holding out her hand, " but 1 wish to thank you now." ^ ? The twilight had come. He took her hand in his. Hls-own feelings were so wrought upon by the novelty of his position and the sweetness of the soul that was shining thr.mghher eyes that his caution foriook him, and as he felt her soft, warm hand in his he gnvo it a {treasure, and After holding it closely or a moment dropped down on his seat in the boat with a guilty cower ing of spirit, and took tip the oars. tCver since afternoon there had hung In the east the ghostly shape of the moon that crept higher and higher like a phantom, and as they emerged from the shadow of the woods there blar.ed forth that pale clectrlo flood of light thaVrfets young hearts athrob. As they went softly down the stream he Was reviewing the circumstances that led to his indiscretion, and ho did not exouseor spare himself. When they landed he placed'her wrap about her shoulders. A faint blush showed it self In h4r .cheek; It was only for a moment; but It was enough to make him more Unoomfortable than berore. Marlon Lawrence had a practical view of life, and she felt no distress at anything which her cousin had done. She felt herself to be very well ao< quainted with him. 8he oould not re member that she had ever before spent so much time In the society of any one mart. To be sure it was * little ab surd, aa they Were cousins, that he should press her band in a somewhat impassioned way. She had taken a great fanoy to her tall cousin. They both liked the same books and muslo and amusements, and were in every way companionable, and she did not try to analyze her delight of those days in Washington. The next day she went to the Corco ran art gallery and spent the entire day there enjoying every moment of it, returning somewhat weary to her lodging*. There was a letter "from her uncle awaiting her. It contained a revelation. It read: My Deab Nibok ? I have no doubt that you are being well taken cart) of, although 1 have receivid no answer to the letter I wrote con cerning your visit. 1 hoj>e that you will find Ed's wife an agreeable person. I have heard her well spoken of, and Ed I know to be one Of the best fellows in the world. It would relieve my anxiety if you wonld notify me of your safe arrival. Your uncle, . James Lawbknob. She sat for a few moments with the letter in her hand. "Ed's wife." The words seemed to burn into her brain. Then, ho hud a wife, to whom ho had never referred or even alluded, and she had be?n go'.ng about with a man as her escort whose wife had never recog nized her presence, and who possibly did not know of it. No wonder that the pressing of a cousin's hand was such a serious business to him. She was so indignant at tho deception that she folt that she could not see him again. ,Sho rapidly packet! her things, took a hasty dinner and drove awav, leaving a brief note to be given to "the gentleman when he calls this even ing." Wh^n that gentleman did call the servant at the door gave him the note, which he paused under the nearest street lamp to read. It only eald that a letter just received had changed her plans. She bade him good bye with formal thanks fcr his attention. lie thrust the letter in his pocket and strode down tho street. Three weeks passed during which tho demon of work seemed to possess him. Ho toiled early and late, and at the end of that time took ten days' leave and went to Ohio to vote. In stead of going to his homo he went straight to tho town where Marion Lawrenco had gone. The more he thought of her abrupt departure the more was lie sure that she had some inkling of tho deception ho had practiced. Ho went to the little hotel which fronts the principal thorough fare and afterward wander ed about tho straggling village. It had been raining, but was then bright. All traces of tho rain had disappeared ex cepting tho inevitable puddle in front of the corner grocery, worn deeper each day where tho farmers' teams impationtly stamped. lie intended to go to the house where she was visiting and meet hor tiiero. While considering the best hour for this visit lie looked down tho streot and saw hor coming toward him. Sho was accompanied by two young ladies, and tho trio wero laughing and chatting merrily. As they mot him she looked at him steadily for a mo ment, bowed distantly anil passed on. His worst fears wore realized, llo hardly knew what eourso to pursue, but finally resolved to walk on and tak6 tho risk of meeting her a? she re turned. He soon saw her slender figure in the distance. Sho was alone. As they neared each other he noticed that sho paled a little but did not falter in hor stop. IIo stopped directly in her path. " You did not expect to see mo so soon after your abrupt departure?" he asked. "No," she answered coldly, " I did not expect over to seo you again." "I are that you know it all," ho cried out, in abject misery. ?? It was a mis3rablo deception, and I have re pented it bitterly enough. Toll me what do you think of a man who could do such a thing ?" " It would not be a pleasant thing for you to hear," she said, quivering all over with anger and excitement. " Perhaps it Is enough that I am dis appointed." lie quailed a little under her stern gaze, but made a last attempt to justify himself. " Oh I I know it was unpardonable, but Gregory was so anxious to get away that X finally consented. He had been disappointed twice In that gunning expedition, and I thought that he needed the rest. I oanseenow that it wnan't the honorable thing to do, but it didn't seem so bad then." Here he paused, seeing the conster nation on her face. 8he was tremb ling, and now shrank back from him. " Who are you then?" "Why, don't you understand?" he cried. " I am Philip Holt; Gregory and I have been chums for .years.'" "Philip Holt," she repeated, won deringly, "I do not think I quite un derstand." Then she rested one hand on a friendly fence and held out the other with a piteous little gesture. "I ? I-^-wish that you would tako me homo." He went with her up the street and up the broad graveled walks leading to an old-fashioned house. In the dim parlor, which the liberal village etl Suette allowed them to occupy alone, o was able to explain how he had agreed to personate nor cousin in order that Gregory might not be deprived of his trip. "You sflo he was afraid that you would not allow yourself to bo chape roned by a man not your relative, and bo we decided on the scheme." After this came her statement, that she had bolievedhim to be her cousin, but was Indignant at finding that he had a wlfo whom ho had not mentioned. He finally rose to go, and held out his hand. Hhe extenrtod hers somewhat reluctantly, but he took it, holding it olosely in his warm da >p. "Are you going to forgive the wretchod folly V" he said, looking down at her flushing chcekj. Ho could feel her hand tremble in his. She had borne bo muoh that nhe was fast lofting control of horaelf, and as her Hps bogan to quiver *he almost pushed him from her. "Go, now," sho paid, in a husky voice ; " I wish to be alone ; I forgive you." But lie could not g*>. He was de termined to tell her what had been in his heart for vweeks. W hile he regret ted her distress it gave him hope? a hope that soon found a full reaiita tion; and now they often call each other "cousin" in remembrance of th? episode which brought them together. ? Ditto it Free Press, . T11E HOME DOCTOR. Cu?e for Warts. ? A correspond ent of the British Medical Journal states that he has found the applica tion of a strong solution of chromic acid three or four times, by means of a camel's hair-pencil, to be the most effi cient and easy method of removing warts. They become black and sood fall off. Medicinal Value of Vegetables ? On the authority of the Mcdical Record, asparagus is a strong diuretic, and forms part of the cure for rheu matic patients at such health resort9 as Aix-les-Bains. Sorrel is cooling, and forms the staple of that soupe aux herbes which a French lady will orderv for herself after a long and tiring jour ney. Carrots, as containing a quantity of sugar, are avoided by some people, while others complain of them as Indi gestible. With regard to the latter accusation, it may be remarked in passing, that it is the yellow core of the carrot that is difficult of digestion ? the outer, a red layer, is tender enough. In Savoy the peasants have recourse to an infusion of carrots as a ppeciflo for jauudiee. 'lhe large sweet onion is verv rich in those alkaline elements which counteract the pqison of rheu matic gout. If slowly stewed in weak broth, and eaten with a little Nepaul pepper, it will be found to be an ad mirable article of diet for patients of studious and sedentary habits. The stalks of cauliflower have the same sort of value, only too often the stalk of a cauliflower is so ill-boiled and un palatable that few persons would thank you liar proposing to them to make part of their meal consist of so uninviting an article. Turnips, in the same way, are often thought to be in digestible, and better suited for cows and sheep than for delioate people; but here the fault lies with the cook quite ai much as with the root. The cook bolls the turnips badly, and thon pours some butter over it, and the eater of such a dish is sure to be the worst for it. Try a better way. What shall be said about our lbttuce? The plant has a slight narcotic action, of which a French old woman, like a French doctor, well knows the value, and when properly cooked is really very easy of digestion. A Mystery of the Sea. The New York World thus relates a Mediterranean mystery : The American brig Mary Celeste, 268 tons register, under the command of Captain Bob Fleming, sailed from this port last week. Ten years ago a British merchantman sailing the Medi terranean saw the Mary Celeste a few miles to the leoward with all sail seC yet behaving in such a manner that a sailer could see that something was wrong, lloceiving no answer to their hail tney boarded her. The sight that greetodthem there excltod a feeling of intense curiosity. Every sail was sot, the tiller was lashed fast and not a rope was out of place. Everything alow and aloft was in perfect order. The ftre was burning quietly In the galley. The dinner was standing untasted and scarcely cold. The cargo in the hold was intact. The pumps were dry. No one, living or dead, was on board. The sailors searched vainly for an explanation of the sudden disimpearance of the captain, hi* wife, his chl'd and the crew. The log written up to the hour of her discovery showed that , she hailed from Boston. There was 1 not a drop of blood, a lock of hair, a dis ordered room, or anything to show the sign of a etruggle. The boats were in their places. There was not the slightest clew by which a reasonable hypothesis could be advanced to ex plain where the crew had gone. From that day to this not the slightest clew has been obtained by the owners, nor have they ever been able to frame an explanation of how she was abandoned, or hazard a guess as to why she was abandoned. Captain Fleming says that she has been a lucky ship ever since, and that never a ghost or spook of those who vanished have ever appeared on her since. In the cabin child's toys were scattered around and a piece of a woman's dress was still under the needle of the sewing maohine. An Ungratefal Spider. Mr. John Saxon, a gentleman living near Fordham, told a New York Hun reporter the following story : I went into my barn on Wednesday morning, and while therd was at tracted by the movements of a large black spider. A great brawn bectlo had wandered Into the spider's web, whioh was about three feet from the ? round, and in his clumsy efforts to roe himself was soon hopelessly en tangled. Then the spider attacked him, but the beetle was so Btrong that he kept his adversary at bay, and was rapidly demolishing the web. Sud denly the spider ran away, and I sup posed he had gone to seek a place of safety. Not at all. lie simply hast ened to a smaller web about a foot above his own, and In a few seoonds was hurrying back, followed by a spider about half as large as himself. The little spider wen^ below the beetle, which now had his legs upward, and the big spider remaine I above. Simul taneously they attacked tho beetle, and by quick, hard blows with their leg*, and, 1 think, with poison, toon dis patched hi in. I was about to return to the house to bring my wife out to soe these two victorious friends, when I was overwhelmed with amazement by the spectacle of tho large spider going down to tRe small one, seizing him by the head, and flinging him ou of the web I The statue of Queen Victoria, lately presented to the Arawas, of New Zealand, was being placed in position in Tamate-Kapnn, when a cart arrived with an escort of polled, who took possession of the illustrious figure, carrying it off to the lock-up to keep company with the Maori deity Matua tonga, whose term of imprisonment has not expired. , A trial trip?When the Jury dis agree. ? HUMOROUS SKETCHES. CSInd to Sro llln*. A young man in afar Western town mot a lady on the street who was from the came Eastern town lie was, but who hai nover treated him very cordi ally at home. Sho was g'ad to see him, amf rushed at him with : " How do y< u do? I'm awful glad to see you. When did you come? How ?ro all the fi;lks?" * " Very well, thsmk you. I caftio In?" " Well, I'm ro glad to see you," the interrupted, impetuem ly ; "you know 1 novor knew you very well in S ? , but 1 get so homesi k out here that I'm glad to boo even a dog, it' it comes from the dear old place." ? Drummir. lie Didn't Dcrerve It. "Johnny, I am afraid you are not doing very well at school.'" " i ou are mistaken, pa. I am Im proving very much in my bohavior. It was only yre-terday that the teacher took to flattering me." " What did he say?" " Well, you see th.* teacher pits upon a sort of aslauting platform. J im Snivera greased the legs.of the teacher's chair, and as ho sat down he and the chair slid off the platform and fell a' out six feet, with the chair on top of him, and he nearly killed Himself. When he found out that it was Jim Snlvers who did it, ho whipped Jim, and told him that, except me, he was the worst boy in the school; but he didn't deserve it, for it wasn't Jim that fixed the chair. I did it myself, and only made the teaohor believe that Jim did it." ? Bijtinya. Commonplace Kxprrsnlons. Tho form of salutation that is used between I riendB or acquaintances varies with tlie individual, who employs it. In some casts it is intelligible and allows a prompt and graceful reply, but in others it confuses tho mind, and is so couchod that the appropriate answer doas not always readily juggest it elf. "When, for in tance, an acquaintance meets one an I asks: "How do you do?" there is evidently at hind awide rang<> of respjnses", from the refined: "Very well, I thank you,"- to the coarser but not loss ex| ressive: " Bully Jr or "Umgup!" AVhen tho inquiry is: " How goes itV every man who knows anything about propriety io casual intercour. e ronles: "So, so" ? a ro sponge vaguo in its form, but full of possibilities ?nd auggestiveness. No man, however, has yet devisod a fit ting responso to him who a^ks: " What's the good word?" and many otherwise alert and brilliant minds hs?vo hern reduced to tho semblance of temporary idiocy by hearing the in quiry mado. Wo commend to tho at tention of those who are thus accosted by their acquaintances tho reply which a certain man in this city invariahlv makes upon sueh an occasion. "What s tho good word?" says this gentleman. " Well, .' heaven* is a good word, and so is 'paradise' and 'hydrocarbon' and 'peristyle.' 'Typographical' also has a pleasing sound, and so has 'gene alogy,' ' obsolescent' seems to somo an agroeablo combination of consonants and vowels '? and thus saying he skips away, leaving his interlocutor for once at tho uncomfortable end of tlie col loquy. ? Boston Journal. It Milken n IHfTorrnee. Tho other day a tramp found a real female philanthropist In Detroit, feho felt sol ry for him, and said she knew that he was the victim of misfortune, and there were t ars in her eyes as she gave ldin an old vest and told him to return tho next day and get the coat to match. lie told hor of losing his family by a steamboat explosion? of having his homo taken away on a mortgage? of being a wanderer before whose eyes the lost wife and precious children wero ever appearing to keep his heart t>ig, and his oourage down, and if he had only remained ilve min utes longer hhe would have wept out right He went away thinking what a soft thing he hud on this cold world, and a day or two subsequently he returned for the coat. The painters had beon at work and just finished the floor of the verandn. As there was no board up the tramp walked up the steps and marched tho ^whole length of the freshly painted floor and rapped at tho door, with his mouth puckered up into the proper mournful expression. It was opened by the woman, but she had nosmil s nor tears. "(jet off that paint, you good-for nothing 1" she yelled ? "Get out o' here, you villain 1" v "Madame, that coat you ? " . " 111 coat you 1 Look at ? your feet ? look at that p.iint ? look at tho dam age." He was still looking, holding up first one foot and then the other, when the handle of a bro >m cracked across his back and he felt obliged to slide. "I came for that coav' lie remarked as he stood on the grass. " You'll get a prison coat If you don't travel," she replied. "Here, dog ? hore dog ? here dog I- Take hold of him, Bowser I" The tramp moved on to the front, and standing there with his hand on it shade treo he surveyed the house and muttered : "Why didn't Shakeipoai ? .-my that hell hath no fury like a woman clean ing house? Well, I'd better stop hero and warn . agents not to enter the shad der of death."- -Detroit Free Press. Krilteri Poetry. Probably no class of men are thrown Into more intimate relatii ni with poets than editor* of newspapers. A hand-made, patent poet cAme Into this office recently, and he had his manu script with him. He cleared his bron chial tubes, threw < n a few tremuly, flute, vox harmonica and other stops, and commenced: " Under the willow a mnlden fair, W?s braiding hor wenlth of yellow hidr." " That won't Jibe with the tone of this paper," we said, sharply. " It won't ?" inquired the poet in a tone of surprised suddennocs. "Why, no. Don't 30U realize that this journal isn't a second-hand muslo box ? The rhythm i* all right enough, but you don't seem to catch on thetrue ring. Don't you think this would be ? " Down in the kitchen a maiden fair Chit of the hash *M picking a heir." " Well, poftsibly, the way you put It," said the poet, shifting uneasily in his chair. " Why, of course it would. Give ua (he next stanza." " 8he thought of the flowers, the stars above, And thou she thought of the power o( love." * "Oh, she did, eh? We'l, we sh;dl have to get you to tlx that up this way : " While thinking of Mike, who was oft beside her, She turno'l around and (topped in the spider." The ]>oor poet wiped away a tear, lie saw at once that, with our strong, practical common-senso views of life, we had hod him at an advantage ; and he couldn't help himself either. " War ble tho next stanza," we said curtly. breathing hard, like a pacing horse just in from a dash, the poor wretched poet proceeded : " The wind came up from tho sunny south, And kissed tho maiden on chock and mouth." "That verse will do well enough if you'll only make one little change in it." " What is it?" inquired tho perspir ing poet, brightening up a trifle, and exhibiting a little more animation : " Say you make it read this way : " 'She grabbed it up with a surly grow -el. And wiped it out with a Turkish towel.' " " That is quite a little change," said tho depressed poet. " Do you think it would improve it?" " Certainly. Swing in with the next carman." "The maiden io-e from her rustic seat. And silently ia>sod through t'.ie lonely street." " That's the cloio," ho said timidly, and with a long sigh of relief. "Oh, that's the close, is it? "Well, you will find we are right along with you. Just alter that this way: "Down on the girl tho himewifo bora, And fired her through the kitchen door." "Now, you see, with ^'ie aid of a few minor suggestions t.hich wo have made, you can trim that thing of yours into some respectable kind of shape. Beside that, you have got a poem which yea can split ? a kind of doub'e barreled poem ? an I sell half to one paper and the other half to another." Tho poet exhibited no littlo ala< rity 'm preparing to tak? his departure. The (JrftYO of Coloiu The genius of Columbus was so uni versal and his fair.fi so world-wide that it seems almost strange to hear him spoken of us a Colon, and find his grave in a Catholic 'church in Havana An Ameri an is so accustomed to think of Columbus as the grand discovorer of the New World? his world ? that for a moment ho feels quito like res?r.ting the exclusive claim of that not over clean and badly-governol city to the custody of his a-hes. Columbus ? or Cristobal Colon, as we must say at Havana if we wish to be understood? died at Santo Domingo, but his remains were subsequently re moved to H ivana and interred in the cathedral, where they now repose be neath a pillar within the altar. And proporly proud are the llavaneso-S] an ish families of their great follow-coun trymnn by adoption, wh-jso last resting place is with them. Beneath a rather doubtful bust of the great discoverer is a marble tablet set in the pillar, and inscribed with the following characteristic Spanish epitaph in the old-time tongue of Castile : "O, Reatoa y ymauen del urande Colon! Mil *il{loa durad guardado on la iirna y en la remom "branwi de nnestra naoion." O, remains a'ld likeness of greatColtimhu t ! Iveta thousand centuries hold thee, guarded mi cro lly in thy urn and in the memory of our nation. Moro correct to life, it is asserted, i3 the statue of Columbus in the patio of the captain-general's palace a few squares below the cathedral. This statue is also of marble, llfo-slze, with t ho right hand pointing to a globn set by the loft foot ? that globe which he was persecuted for believing to be rou n I and not f1at~-and a chart. The head and face are those of a man forty-five or fifty years of age ; and the count -name indicates a certain pa thetlo faith and purpose, half-buried and struggling beneath tides on tides of trouble. No one can for a moment look upon that face and believe that the life of this man was a happy one. Kathor that he suffered and was weighed on by anxiety from first to last ; from the (lay ho set forth to raise funds for his ridiculous expedition, to the last hour in Santo Domingo when bin noble life expired under ingratitude and malice. Such a fare is a silent and lasting re proach to the age whioh it looked upon. ? ? Youih's Companion, New Postal Regulation*. Po3tma<ter-0eneral Gresham has or dered that whenever any letter prepaid at less than one full rate of postage, or any parcel of third or fourth class matter not fully propaid, and being otherwise mailable, 1* deposited at the postoflloe of the first, second or third class, and con Igned to any other post ofllce within the United Btates.it shall be the duty of a postmant'jr t > send to the address an ofilcial postal card con taining a noticoof the detention, and p, requ- st to remit th ) proper amount, of postage to enable the lottor or par cel to In forwarded to lt? destination. provision applies only to matter tirhlchdoes not bear theoird or address of the trader. Such card matter should tn returned immediately to tho party mailing it, as prescribed by existing regulations. Anything In laws and regulations in conflict with thin order In rescinded, so far as tho nostofllces of tho first, second an?J third classes are concerned, but not wit'i rosp ot to offices of tho fourth ela?s. This order will take, affect July 1, 1881. Novel Use Tor Orange reel. A gentleman in Manchester claims to have succeeded In applying orange peel to a very useful purpose. Orang* peel dried in or on an oven urktll all the moisture lifts been expelled be oomfcs readily Inilan m ?ble, and serves admirably for lighting fires or for resuftoltatlng them when they have nearly gone out. Thoroughly <lrled orange peel will keep for a long time, and might he collected when tiv fruit to in ?ea? jn and stored for winter use. IN TIIE DRUGS. Deception In a Place Where II Imperil* lie* lunn Life. A genl.il druggist on tho 1 1 111 one afternoon last week, in intervals l>e tween pill-making, kindly enlightenod the Union reporter on the pia-ticea of pharmacists and physicians. " People wonder sometimes," he said, " why they have to pay so much fop prescriptions. The answer is a very simple one : ? divies ' with the d >ctor. You pay, lor instance, eighty cents for a medicine, the druggist gets sixty oents, the doctor twenty. Each of them keeps an account of the business done, and they settle uponco a month. Why, there's a physician near by here who owns one drug store and has an interest in another. Of cour. e such doctors prescribe as mu h and as often as they can, very often telling tho pa tient to go round to such a druggist ? the man with whom they arc in interest; or may be the apothecary's name will appear on tho prescription paper, and ho will ko there naturally, lint cne good dodgo the doc tor.) have is to have i secret formulas for preparing certain well-known reme lies, know n only t-> their own druggist. "NVIu n the patient I goes to some otlur apothecary, the I apothecary, if lie is hone>t. h.is to t?*ll him h" can't put it up ; that lie don't know the formula. 1\ r instancy the doctor will write n'o.s and soda, ono ounce. Well, how much aloes, how I much soda? What tho proportions | are nobody knows but his own drug I gist. Then some d utirs will take an j ivory-handled brush and comb, an as | eortment of lino cologne, toilet soap I and so on, as commission fi?r sending customers to you ; and they often tako ? at least they have in my case ? much | more than 1 have ever ma le. One doctor did that with me so much that I shut down 0:1 him. and told him we would do a cash business hencoforth. lie had got we rlh of goods and 1 received, maybe, on account of pro scriptions. Speaking of doctors, an old ono camo to me some years ago and scolded mo for charging only forty-live cents for a proscription that was brought to me by one of his patients. 'Why, man alive!' ho exclaimed, 'I charged the young fellow #10 - wouldn't be consulted in such a case for leas money, and here you charged ! him a paltry forty-fivo cents for tho medicine. This is sim| ly rid colons ! Never charge hs< than Jf2.o0 for a medicine when I s nd any one to you, no matter what it is K< r when you do that the man will t ike the meell cino all up and ready think thcro has been something seri ous the matter with him.' The drug gists who work on a commission with the doctor of cour.e charge; higher than those who do not do business in that way. For instance, they will charge say eighty cents for an eight ounce bottle of the solution of sul* ' phato of zinc ; it costs thorn jihotit : twenty cents a pound. I would put j up tho fame thing all day for twonty l live cents. I knew of a druggist who | offered a physician $.r>,000 for the right i to put up his prescriptions ; tho doo | tor refused, having been offered $H,000 1 by another party. It is a well-known practice among even the b >st of doo tors to secure a certain el a a of patients all thoy can and to charge unusually large fe s for advice that any compe tent druggist could give them, anfl tho medicine t'irown in for a dollar or two. A legitimate charge for prescriptions would bo at tho rate of flay, from live to twenty cents an ounce, depending on tho kind of medicin *. fjoino drug gists ad vortiso toilet articles and patent medicines at reduced prices. That Is 1 on'y a dodgo to g.t custc m. They make up the difference by putting it on the prescriptions. One firm In this city advertised an eight-ounce solution of sugar of lead for thirty-five cents. I went down there wl h a prescription and paid seventy-five cents fc r only six ounces of the samo thing. 1 told them I was a druggist, and they con fessed they were caught. Sometimes on a prescription you will see the let ters P. 1'.; that means poor patient; tho doctor indicates that ho doesn't want you to charge him much. Some druggists, when they haven't somo par ticular medlcino named in a prescrip tion will often substitute somo other remedy. If, for instance, tho elixir of quinine, pepsin and bismuth is ordered, they will loavoout pepsin and bismuth and give you quinine and iron. With tho elixirs they will substitute for some expensive article a preparation of their own make. They will have Jones' preparation of soine standard medicine; the physician has compelled them to get It bo ause 1m knows Its value. Hut when the bottle gots empty the druggist will fill It up with some medicine of a cheaper grade, and the doctor, seeing the bottle there on tho shelf, will think he Is getting the genuine stuff. You think tho soda water fountain Is an Innocent-looking place ; so it Is, but there is humbug even there. At one of tho largost drug stores downtown you go in and ask for Vichy water, another n1an Con gress water, another Geyser water, and soon. The clerk draws from different taps, but If you went down In tho | cellar you would see that all the waters came from ono barrel, or fountain. A druggist late'y kopt, selling Vichy to a eusiomor who thought he was getting olysinlc. One morning tho customer came in as usual, and the clerk waited on him Instead of the proprietor. Tho man polntod to tho fountain and said, '(ilass clysmlc,' but the clerk told him thero was none. I The man indicated the faucet he had been served from, and tho elork tolcl him it was Vichy; that they had never had olysmlo on draft. And the cus tomer left, with the knowledgo that n? had be n tiken in and done for even 1 at tho soda fountain." ? Hronklyn IJnlon. Tho Funniest of Parlor*. Tho governor of Tcsuque, a colony of I'uohlo Indiana near tlio Santa Ke river, in Now Moxico, lives in a queer house. Its walla aro adobe and en trance is gained by a ladder loading to the scoon<T story. Tho t>arlor is open to tho nir on ono side ana tho whole* of tho hack is occupied by a huge (Ire place. On tho remaining aides are pictures and tlio furniture Include* a lofa of civllited manufacture. A proud man never shows his pride 10 muoh as when he is olvll, EARTH'S UNKNOWN HEROES, The pen of poot aud of sage H coords the deeds of valor done. And history te*ms on every pa With viotoricJ'won. With joyful hand wo roar the shaft In memory of tho gallant t rave; Affection's tear by Friendship shed Falls ?n their grave. We twino tho laurel round the brow Of hint who died in search of fam<>; In humble reverence we bow At his great name. But in the struggle and the strife For riolies, honor and renown. We hoed him not whose lowly life Brings him no crown. The flower with careless feet wo treat'. May All the air with sweet porfume, 80 virtue may, when life has (led, Adorn the tomb. What struggles and defeat We read in every passing face, In lino* that Time with all his powor Can ne'er erase. Oh. thero are heroes in the throng Tlint daily press the crowdod street, \\ ho tread life's pathway, llrm and stron*. With willing feet, Wl.o conducts self, oh, fearful to*k, To him whose passions rage witliin, Hate, Malice, Envy, all the tiends And liosis of sin. And tle.e are thore whoso hidden prior Is like a weight of added yeirs, The troubled spirit's sole loliof ? A I'.ood of tears. Yet they plod on, nor friond nor foo Knows of tho battle in the breast, Nor heat s tho whisper, soft and low, Tho sigh for rest. Not all earth's heroos sleep beneath The marble shaft, tho sculptured stone, Nor proudly wear the laurel wreath. But some, unknown, Purine their wonted wajs of life, Careless of honor's vaunted tono; Theirs, when grim death shall end tho strifo? The great w hite Throne. ? Uriah Killinger. HUMOROUS. ' Always mismated? The bride. The Tartars consider a flat nose a mark of beauty. If they would im port a f? w pugilists thoy might all be come beautiful. ? Waterloo Observer. Jones fays ho feels ?uro that his young hopeful, six months old; will easily de\ flop a love for Held sports, because he is already such a bas? bawh r. A young lover in Iowa paid $40 for ! a locomotive to run him thirty-live 1 miles to see his girl, and when he got x there the family bulldog ran him t^yyo miles and didn't charge him a cent.^V It is a mean wretch who will slyly drop a hair switch in a car loaded with women, and then smile asho.sees every woman make a grab for the back of her head when she notices it. ? 1 '// iladefph ia llerabl. A younft la<ly was caressing a pretty spaniel and murmuring: "I do love a nbo dog !" "Ah 1" sighed a dandy, standing near. "1 would 1 were a dog." "Never mind," retorted the young lady sharply, "you'll grow." ? ? (Jiorgia Major. When we were ten years old wo used to think, when gazing in the window of a candy store, how much we would like to work in such a place. Now wo are affected with a similar feeling while gazing in the window of a bank. ? Hovhcsti r E.rpnts. A lady recently speaking of lu r hus band said: "lie is absolutely almost without a fault, except that lie does not realize that sometimes I pino for a little relax at if n. In ten years lie lias not taken me to a funeral, and in all that time I have not had one good square cry at my neighbor's expense." DPB AND DOWNS. Oh, llnlen to tho water wliool through nil the livelong day : "Your Balary will stop about tho timo you lose your pay, The fellow at the ladder'n top, to him a) glory goes, And the fellow at the bottom is the fellow no one knows. No good are nil tho ' had been*,' for iti ooun' try and' in town. Nobody cares how high you've been when once yon have come down*' When once you have been President and are ProBident no more, You may rurj a farm or teach a school, or koep a country ntore, No on" will ank about you, yon never will be missed, The mill will only grind for yon whilo you Bupply thegrlflt." ?'Burlington Hawkeye. Old C'hlneso Books. The London Athcneum states that j the trustees of the British museum havo lately received from I'ekin some 'typographical curiosities, in the shape of eight volumes containing portions of two Chineso works printed during the thirteenth century. These books are printed from wooden blocks, and display a marked inequality in the skill of tho type-cutters. The paper, which is tho ordinary Chinese paper, is in tho case of one work much disc**' ored by age. Tho volumes hare o\ i ] dontlv been carefully proswved, and at one timo belonged to tho library of a C hinese prince, who, in consequonce of a political intrigue, was condemned to dlo by a " silken oord." Hcnce the dispersion of hi* library. A Uoftl Calculation. An official statement shows that more than 164,000,000 tons of coal were taken out of tho Hritlsh mines last year, and In doing this vast work nearly half a million persons wero em ployed. Sir Henry Ressemer has made the calculation that if this coal were formed into cylindrical columns of fifty foot dlamotor and live hundred foot in height, and if these were placod In a row, their own diameter apart, they would make a colonnade elghty fivo miles end seven hundred and fifty yards long, the product of each work ing day being sulllclont to make four teen such columns.' Tho area of Russia in Kurope is nearly thirty times that of the State of New York, and the Russian army has to defend an ompiro of 8,0<M),000 square miles. Omaha pro luces a sixth of all the ad used in the United States. A gen* ation ago (Jalena wts the great urce of supply.