The Anderson intelligencer. (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, April 08, 1868, Image 1
DOIL?SS*- ASp A -HALF^PEE AHiffUM,
. rs united States c?brekoV:
. .. :^t?^^?TES OF .'ADVERTISING. .
'."'Advertisements instated at the-rates of One Dol
: ."Jar per! square of twef felines for the first insertion.
T^njd~ Fifly; Cents lor caoh.subsequent insertion,
-" '-Eib'cral deductions made to those: who advertise by
*? tKcyear. . ...
. ^ \??$i?i,?or? annou.nciijg.a, candidate, Five Dollars.
* in^tdvanc-e.'?'
r ' w "' . i, gB - _
'rjfej?t?mjht Richmond Examiner and' Enquirer.-.-"A
? - A TRIP TO HELL.
? ? :. - ?.. ? . ?? ' ? ?'. . I
?.*S^^<3orstittrding' that n great Radical
*v.;mhss;ideeting way . to be. held iniPande
5?J%?niinr,.;lo/ take into consideration- the
ySSj^seut aspect of American alf drs, I pro- j
?????m*e!d .a'cnmplimenutry ticket froni Brothr j
?:^\;v;Hnnnicait,-who is the agent for this
^"district, and took the underground rail
^l^Udioii- Saturdayevenihg last.' Tho trip j
; ^'as .?^sliOL-t and pleasant one, being down
'^7-grade "all the way, and the descent pro
"-. ?Jpcrbially easy.-"- In a few-hours the cars
.??4^U-ejd;-at the- fai'dained. shores"of the
''t^^S-tr'S'tyx- ? -Here I found- that a. capa
^10 us; wharf had been creeled, and instead"
~'*^f the-classic dug-out by which I expect
6d.:fo>; he ferr.red--'over, 1.fonnd a splendid
"-.-- new ^igarshaped .propeller,- called the
7 -^on;.Grant, ready to.'receive the passen
"bur lihe:Captain returned it to me, indi_
Fortunate-.
r^ctrricsity, and was thereby enabled to pay
??-r^iy passage fee. : I then entered into con
:/-y.eESiitlph. with Captain Charon, whom I
/'JCfouniJ.-quite pleasant, -and eomm.unicative.
k-jiffdrurnng ..his-new >te;iniei\":?nd exnrcs.S:
* jag inj-litstouishment- at its substitution
r. ^pr trje old ferry-boat, he told me'that his
-yljiVsiness had increased- so much.'-during
":V{$0;American. war. and' his strength was
i^fc^?Dijeh worn out, that he had been com
v^feeile'J,7put ofins uhaecumul?'todearnings' 1
;* jtbrJiiyfi a" ' steam bdat built,- and that he
^;^nd named it the General Grant to please
.'\lbe Yankees, who-were his principal cus
rV^o'me'rk;-' The boat was designed by the
^/^stiwguis?ed American engineer, Colonel
j^harieslEilet, who. had tried very-hard to
-/"?|5^itade;.':hirn to construct, a suspension.
^sWidjjo* .across- the stream, but as it was
* -^gainst', lb? constitution of the ..Satanic
'--'gpyenimeht :to cross the rive.!- Styx by
v;%ny othct; jneans than a boat, the Colonel
? .-?had i;o-.be content with building a steam
, tWoatc- :He'morepver iufbrined me that the
t^Jak'e.-. in hell had become- so- crowded of j
.Trite .it hat noue-oftho new coders could he
"^CComnipdated. with a . hot bath, but that
1 clbbJonel E.'iel had obviated the difficulty,
; .: distitigt:ishe'djhrniseif very .much by
. * 'coii^iictfhg. immense .reservoirs, in some
?^fthe_raHeys, which, by.n.eans of canals
2. and tunnels!-communicating with distant
seas of liquid fire, were kept constant!}'
^.'filled;- thus .affording ample accommoda
?Vtaun .'P?VaS!.' ' Our interesting conversation
'* !waS stopped by the arrival of the boat at
u-:the;ppp^ite shore', when I was compelled
-?vjfc'disembark immediately, as the boat had
A<^Bfei'ttrn; for another load.. 31y readers
vx&:y! "imagine, but T cannot describe the.
" j'^msjs'^iTi.dif^-itwe and fear with which I
s'lbnfd for "the first time?and f "hope -the]
x. "jfe'srl?the gl?o.Q^y pre'cincts of belli Trans
I^ied-wrtli horror, I repented my rash act,
; uJVd would' have retraced my steps, at .the
. risk of my.reportO!-i;t.l reputation, had. 1
.<-walking along the shore, gesticulating
-.vuiletitly, and'quoting Shakespeare. J
?-cai1cd-bhn..by, name; recognizing me in
. e'tiintly,' "hp r?slicd* up to me and shook
- Tnc violently by the hand. I expressed
^J-&4?Cprise at meeting him there", and
. ?ohl hini that his friends had erected .ovev
J'.lhin. remains at Hollywood a ten foot pyra?
mid, on which was confidently stated 'that
. .HcTh;.d f;g?ne to .'i n'othe'r"place." He said.
r"^-?hat he h.-td tio doubt that was the' case.
withirood m.-tny others, and probably
_ .^onld'hn with rue; but I begged him to
!nriderstand that. I was' not then in the
' i|p'''!t but' in-the-flesh, and- then explained
!.'' to him the ohjet t of my mission, and re-j
quested his kind offices?af I was a stran
.^jeir" .in Gehenna?in conducting" me. to
?* VJJiUt'deuK.-niuin. He tendered his services
.; with-"'aiacrity.f so, taking his arm. we
"' ..walked: together over an- open ? conn try
-?fj\b<3 tfp a gently inclined hill, which was
;. "^yci'ly covered with a substttnee like lava.
?'.-^After-Walking about n tnile.-l idiserved
'that :he country became loss :open- and
\ .;-the'-"^-:n- more, rough and .steep, and
\" fif*fl?eh. into nearly l ogalar. steps. On
".'EjtheV side were piled up .large detached
^masses of .volcanic rocks, which gradually I
, mei-ged iuto gigantic precipices of faiitas-1
. .tic shapes overhanging the gloom}' path - 1
" -Way. At last we arrived at the moulh
_~ "Of a tavern, which was closed by a riias
. sive iron gate. At this gate stood a tall,
??" gray-haired - negro ?man of grim and dia
holier! aspect.. Tom informed me that
'.this was the gate tit" Paiideinonluin,- add
- that '.hi'"] drier was (ienera*) Gahricl, the
':same who had once attempted an insur
" .reetionary "raid upon our t:\ty, hut had
- been foiled in this first "on to Richmond'"
' _ by the .rising waters. Fur this heroic
achievement ho had been rewarded with
- the placonf gate keeper of htndemonium.
? On arriving at the gttte, old Gabriel stub?
bornly refused to let me in : "Mars Tom,"
. he ?i?iS; '-could, go any whars, but, no
'stranger can git insider dis gate widont a
.?parsV' I showed him Brother Hunni
outt'Sr ticket, and told him that 1 was the.
reporter for the New Nation. Gabriel
?mado.a low bow, said, ''circumstances al?
ters cases,"" and, with a broad grin, threw
open the gate. We descended for a short
distance through a natural tunnel, and
then Pandemonium, in its magnifictnt,
gloomy grandeur, broke upon our vision.
From tlie on trace where wo stood I look?
ed down upon an immense, nearly circu?
lar, cave, that .appeared to bo about a
thousand foot in diameter, the floor ot
"which gradually sloped to the. opposite
side. The sides rose nearly perpendicu?
lar for about one hundred foet in height,
and then sprung the mighty dome, to
a ?bight immeasurable, dnzzling with
crytalr.--Stalactites, and studded with
sj>arkiip^ s;t&rs of iron pyrites, iHumihated1
by a thousand jets of burning gas that
issued lik? tails of -comets from tbo sides
and roof.
Milton has given us a magnificent de?
scription of Pandemonium as built by tho
architect Mulciber, but, of course it is all
imaginary, and differs ?*n fofo from the
reality; for he describes it as being a
splendid edifice erected above ground,
with doric pillars and roof of fretted gold,
lighted by starry lamps, fed with naptha
and asphaltum; when, in truth, it is all
under ground, and instead of its being
designed by an angelic architect, it is in
the main, Nature's own handiwork, al?
though Art has contributed a good deal
toward its comfort and elegance, and its
adaption to its us* its a legislative hall.
Circular rows of iseats with convenient
aisles have been hewn out of the solid
rock, and on the side opposite to the en?
trance a magnificent throne has been cut
from a solid block of crystal. The sup?
ports, sides and back of this throne are
ingeniously sculptured in tho evolutions
three huge .crystal serpents, which, after
winding and twisting in innumerable fan?
tastic atid graceful curves, to adapt them
to the various forms of the throne, fiually
meet at the back, their necks crossing in
a high golhie arch, and their divergent
heads extending like a canopy over tho
centre of the throne with open mouths,
protruding,--defiant,' brazen-tongues, and
glistening, evil, emerald eye3. A spread
eagle; of solid gold, with talons sank into
the serpents'siK-cks, surmounts the whole.
- In Olden times this hall, on public occa?
sions, used to be lighted.up by flambeaux
held up by. thousands of shining imps of
darkness, but rccentl}'' there arrived a
party <>f Pennsylvania!!? who had died of
oil on the 'brain, who immediately pro?
posed to light it up with petroleum. Ob?
taining a favorable contract, the}' made a
tunnel upwards to the oil regions of Penn?
sylvania, where they ?'struck i!e," and.
conducting it downwards in pipes, dis
tributed it over the. sikes and roof of the
?ball. This was the cause of the sudden
failure of so many of the oil wells in Penn?
sylvania a few years ago.
When we entered the hall it was al?
ready filled to its outer limits, and His
Satanic Majesty was occupying the crystal
throne. Tom conducted me around the
outer limits of the assembly, and contrived
to secure a position near the throne,
where I could see and hear every tiling,
and take notes of the proceedings.
His Majesty rose and explained to the
meeting that, the object of t heir convoca?
tion was. to take into consideration the
present condition and aspect of American
atfairs; that his emissaries had informed
him-that immense defections from the
Radical party hue: lately taken place;
that large-Democratic majorities had been
given in the Northern and Western
States, and that unless some active and
decisive step .were taken he feared that
the Radical party would be defeated in:
the next presidential election. It was
needless for him to say how disastrous
such an event would be to the interests
of his dominions; that he was indebted to
the Radical party for the immense addi?
tions to his people by means of tho Ameri?
can war, and he was confident, if they be
retained in power, that continued An?
archy. War, Pestilence and Famine would
be the final and blessed result. lie,
therefore^ invoked the assembled wisdom
of Hell to devise somo plan by which the
Radical party could bo strengthened and
sustained ; and, first of all, he called upon
"his able friend and coadjutor, Abraham
Lincoln, to give them the light of his ex?
perience- and knowledge. 'His Majesty
then took his seat amidst the most pro?
found silence.
Abraham arose, tall, gloomy and gaunt,
and I thought considerably worsted since
his sojourn in Hell, thdugh, I understand,
be has received high honors there, and is
thy devil's right hand man and chief ad?
visor in American affairs. He . said that
things had been going on very badly in
the United States since his sudden and
unexpected departure; that he had left a
man in his place who was a traitor to his
part}', and who was the cause of all the
present trouble. In his humble opinion,
two things had to be done :?First. An?
drew Johnson must he gotten rid of by
fair means or by foul. Secondly: Bribery
to a great extent must he used to inspire
enthusiasm and energy in the leaders of
the Radical party. His experience as
President had been, that nothing could
he done without, bribery; it was a kind of
wedge that would split the most knotty,
gnarled and tortuous rail of a Congress?
man. Johnson is trying to run the ma?
chine without grease, but he will find that
it will be no go. Members of Congress
must have their palms greased by fat of?
fices, and contracts for themselves and
their friends. He would, therefore, re?
commend that a committee should be sent
from this court to confer with the loading
spirits of the Radical party, and to urge
upon them the propriety of appropriating
a secret service fund, which should be
liberally used for the advancement of the
interests of their party, and the election
of a Radical President; and tho impera?
tive necessity of straightway impeaching
Andrew Johnson and putting Wade in hisj
place. Wade in the balance, he would
not he found wanting. [Laughter, arid j
cries of"Biilly for you ?;' "(Joitjoid Abe "]
Then arose a tall, grim, rugged old man, j
with dishevelled gray lucks? and a bluish j
ring around his neck, whom I recognized j
at once as Old John Brown; of* Harper's I
Ferry momory. He said that ho agreed !
in the main with his distinguished friend
who had just taken his seat, but he'
thought that more ought to be done; he !
had spent Iiis life in the other world, and
lost it, too, in the grand object of eleva?
ting the negro, and freeing him from tho
shackles of Southern slaveholders; that ho
had - been the. apostle of liberty, and
although he had effected but little in his
own person, yet ho had sown the j
seed, which germinating nt the North
watered by the blood of Lincoln,
the thousands of martyrs, who had f:
in the late glorious struinrle for freec
have grown np to the imperishable
of liberty, which now overshadowed
whole South. He, therefore, thought
he had a right to say a word for the
poiseented and down-trodden Africa;
blood of martyrs would be shed in v
if they loosed thc hold they now hat
thc throats of thc Southern rebels. T
only chance to.save the Radical pt
was to keep the rebels from voting,
that were done all would be lost; rest
still further the rebel right of suffn
keep on reconstructing until you get
black man on top, and the white rebe
the bottom, and then the pyramid of
crty will bc upon a safe and"sure basis
''Dat's hit !" cried a frenzied look
negro, who arose with rolling eyes :
outstretched arms. I did not know li
but Jemes whispered to me that it 1
Nut Turner. "My fren has called his
dc 'Postle of Libert}-/ but I was de 1
Oppostlc. and de lust martyr, coppin
fren, dc porter at de gate ob dis hall m
claim do prcmption to dat signifficar
I tell you, you must fight de debbie i
fire.'' [Loud cheers and yells, and ci
of "put him out."J
Hit} M?ijcPt}-. who, I am told, love
good- joke, culled the meeting to ord
and smilingly reminded the speaker ti
his language was neither parliament;
nor complimentai1}* to the chair.
Nat resumed?''I umbly begyour m
jisty' spardin; I thot I was prcachin
de niggers in Soufamlun; ncbbcrdeles
holds to de pinion dat half-way messu
won't dc, we must beard de lion in
den, and dribe him out'n it too. I mei
by dat. de must excommunicate de reb
from de lace ob de yearth, and let de ri
gcrs-hahde whole Soul'; dat de ider;
ditrri by rights anyhow, who dared
woods? who built de fences? and wu kl?
de hm, :i ri made de Cotta ri and deco:
and de barker, dat made the white foi
rich, if de niggers didn't do it? Dj
what 1 preached at fuss, and if you cai
I out dal idea, den de glorious Sun ob L
eily will shine lor cuber on a happy a
mancipa ted Souf."
Uere Nat subsided, and a portly g<
tleman arose and said, ".May it pier
yum- Majesty, I have had thirty years (
perienee in the United States Senate, a
am of the opinion that it is the infer?
shinplasters, (I ask pardon of the expn
sion infernal?I use it in no invidio
sense) but it is this miserable paper ci
roney that is bringing ruin upon the Iii
ical party; ?et th lim resume specie pa
mcnts, repudiate the public debt, fini
the Pacific railroad, and make my son-i
law, Colonel Fremont, president, and I
insure that tho Radical parly and l
country will be sale."
Aaron Burr claimed thc attention
the meeting for a short time. He lu
studied American politics, and had brien
close observer of American afluir? eve
since the organization ol' the United Slat
government', and the result of his obst
ration was, that mankind were tinfilt?
for self-government, and that the Repu
lie was a failure. It was needless for hi
to enter imo any argument; the fa
stared them in the face, and his advil
was to strengthen thc hands ot tho Kat
cal party? instruct them to nominale Ge
Grant lor the Presidency, and to eic
him by any means fair or foul ; a litt
management on tho part of Congre:
could easily effect that object.Grant ont
elected, he could assure them there woul
be an end of the republic. With the arm
at his command and the insatiable app
ti te for plunder of the Northern poop!
tho abject! cowed condition of the Sou tl
and the easily-bought complicity of th
ignorant liadical negro, there would L
no difficulty in Ilia making himself dictate
and emperor ol'the United States; a cor
summation ho thought most devoutly t
bo wished for, and one that would ri
dounri to the benefit of America and t
his Majesty1* dominions.
Stephen A. Douglas arose, wrrtthy an
heiligeren!. J fe said that lie could no
allow these Radical revolutionary dot
trines to pass unnoticed, without putlinj
in a word of defence for the cause ii
which ho hud labored so long and so han
while in thc flesh?thc groat Democratic
party of America?[shouts of "put hin
out," "down with the Democrat," "to tin
lakes with him," "boil him," "roast him,'
"fry him," ftf;,~] in tho midst of which ant
the demoniac yells ot a thousand in furia
led fiends, Stephen slunk out ol the hall.
His Majesty having commanded ant
enforced order, remarked that it was ob?
vious that the sense ot the meeting wat
unanimously in favor of sustaining thc
Radical party, and as his cherished friend,
Mr. Lincoln, had advised them as to the
benefits that would he reaped from judi?
cious bribery, lie suggested that the most
able and influential mein ber ot the party
should he appointed as the leader, ami lo
jnspiro him with renewed ardor and ener?
gy. he should he assured of his high ap
j procintirin ni. this court.and thc certainly
I of his receiving the hi!?liest honors and
j ent?l nine nts herc after his death. A
unanimous shout nf approval greeted this
si'igiieftion: His majesty said, that it only
i remained to select the leader, and he de
; sired lo hear tho sense of thc meeting or,
I that point. Mr. Lincoln nominated and
j warmly advocated the claims of tho lion.
! Thaddeus Stevens, who, he said, was al?
ready the acknowledged leader of the
party'; which was warmly seconded by
? the meeting. John Brown objected to
I him on account of his age, and growing
infirmities, and nominated the Hon.
I Charles Sumner. (Cheers.) Nat Turner
? nominated "de Honnerble Gineral Benja
, min Butler, who was do most sponsiblisL
j and influonshallist man wid de party bof
' Norf and Soulf." At this His Majesty
arose, indignant, and assured the meeting
that he would not hear of such a man as
Beast Butler receiving high honors in hell, i
that if such as he wore to be received at
his court, hell would cease to be respecta?
ble. When Butler came there, as come
he must, he had prepared for him a cor?
ner in one of the lowest slums of hell,
whore ho should be closed in a huge bot?
tle, and fed with an iron spoon on melted
silver?he was found of silver and should
have his glut of it. [Shouts of laughter.]
The vote being taken, resulted in the
selection of Hon. Thaddeus Stevens, as
the leader of the Radical party, and C.bas.
Sumner, associate leader and successor,
in case that old Thad. should be called to
enter upon the enjoyment of his infernal
honors, before the next Presidential elec?
tion.
Tho chair then appointed Abraham
Lincoln, John Brown and Nat Turner, as
tho committee to procoed to Washington
immediately. John Brown thanked the
chair for his appointment, and said that
he would be glad to go to the upper world
once more, U it was only to see how old
Henry A. Wise onjoyed the loss of his
niggers, and to feel even with him.
The mooting then adjourned.
I lingered in the hall until nearly every?
one had passed out, when Tom proposed
to introduce me to his Majesty, and before
1 knew it, had conducted me up to the
Infernal Presence, and introduced me as
Mr. Spike from Eich mond. I made a low
and trembling obeisance, and stammered
out an apology for my presence- at the
meeting, slating that I was a reporter,
and had come for tho express purpose of
reporting the proceedings for tho Ilich
?mond-papers. His Majesty smiled en?
couragingly,, assured mc that no apology
was needed. "You know," he said, '-that
1 have been called the 'Father of Lies,'
and that being the ease, of course, I must
be nearly related to the reporters; atid am
glad to have met with 3'ou." At this lit?
tle sally his Majesty laughed morrilyj and
of course I had to follow suit, although I
thought it was rather personal. He then
leaned forward in a confidential way, and
said, "you must excuse my pleasantly, I
am really glad to see 3-011. and to have an
opportunity of conversing with you. I
fear that I am greatly misunderstood by
3'our people, and would like, through }'ou,
to correct some of their misapprehensions.
Nowr answer tnc candidly, did you not ex?
pect to find me black as a negro, and or?
namented with a tail, hoofs and horns?'"'
I told him candidly that I did. Just here
I think it would be well to give a descrip?
tion of the personal appearance of his Sa?
tanic Majesty. His general appearance
is "that of a man of thirty-five or forty
"years of age, about six icet in height, thin
and wiry in his limbs, his chest and
J shoulders full and well-developed, his face
a long nrui, complexion a pale clear olive,
hair, black, soft, and curling down to his
shoulders, eyes very black, lustrous and
piercing, but assuming at times a mag?
netic softness and tenderness that would
be irresistible with women, no.-e slightly
acquiliue and thin, short upper lip, cov
[ered by a short, thick, black moustache,
slightly curling at the extremities, and
merging into a '..'ell trimmed, wavy black
beard, lips beautifully curved and full,
expressive of strong will and passion,
curling tit times with contempt and
hatred, and then again wreathed in play?
ful mirth, teeth brilliantly white, sharp
and pointed. He was dressed, in honor
of the occasion, in the uniform of a United
States army officer, of perfect fit. and
wore, I should think, about No. 7 boots.
The only ornaments he wore were an ex
quisitely-cut cameo, representing the
Temptation in Paradise, and on the little
finger of his right hand a gold ring, form?
ed of three serpents, twisted together, and
enclosing between their heads a largo dia?
mond of supernatural brilliancy. In his
right hand he held a gold sceptre, fash?
ioned like the ring, the serpents enclosing
a terreslial globe, significant of Satan's
sway over the earth. The three serpents,
I learned, was the Satanic emblem, adopt?
ed in derision and deliance of the Holy
Trinity. This was the much-talked ol,
but little understood Devil, as he leaned
over conversing with me.
But to resume: His Majesty said, "I
know it; and just as j'our people have
blackened nry face,so have they biackened
1113- character. NJw tell mc. if you please,
what the}- think of me morally ?" I hesi?
tated, but he said, "speak out, and let us
De confidential.'' Thus reassured, 1 ven?
tured to remark mildly that I believed
that the general opinion was that he was
rather inclined to be irreligious, atid that
I had heard it said that he had an aver?
sion to hoi}- water. lie replied, with a
giim smile, "Now just see how I am mis?
understood ; it is truo I am not a member
of any church, but I have a high respect
for religion, though I will acknowledge
that in olden times 1 was much opposed
to it, because it was pure and evangelical,
and did interfere a great deal with the
affairs of my kingdom ; hut the way reli?
gion is now conducted, particularly in
your Northern churches, I look upon it
as a pleasant, fashionable amusement,
with which I am in perfect harmony. As
to my aversion to holy water, that is non?
sense; the truth is. I have an aversion to
I water of till kinds, because, when sprink?
led on mc it causes my skin to blister,
and gives me intense pain. Tho only
holv water in the world is the tear o! re?
pentance, and that?" here he cheeked J
himself and looked clown?-but this is a j
disagreeable subject, I would rather con?
verse on politics. You can form a pretty
correct, idea of the opinions that are held
here on your affairs, by the proceedings of
tho meeting, of wl.ich I hot e you will:
give a faithtnl report; as to myself, tho ;
only interest that 1 take in politics is as,
far as thc}r affect the affairs of my king- i
dorn, and as my interests are decidedly .
with the success of the Radioal party, of'
course I shall throw all thc weight of)
influence on that side. Thc South has
cause to love me, fdr I have been in
rectly the cause of all their woes: it vj
to my interest that tho late war should
prolonged, so 1 frequently i uteri crud
your battles and prevented the ??niedi
ate victories from achieving a peai
which they would otherwise iiave dom
(thinks I to myself, ''you be-h
before I could finish the altogether supt
fluous wish in my own mind he looked
mc sharply, and said : '-I know you ?1
cursing me now, but you must rememl
that all governments are founded ai
conducted upon the principle of self:inti
est. For that reason England would n
help you, and forthat reason J was ngair
you. So much for thc past?now as
the future: General Grant will he yo
next President ; ?ny influence will eire
that, and then, as Aaron Burr said 1
night, yon may look out for a monarch
which is thu only true, substantial for
of government." I suggested that Gra
did not have head enough to effect such
revolution. Ile replied, -'True. Grant
muddle headed, but he will have good a
visors,, and he has the nerve and dor
mind shedding blood." Herc he muse
rapped with Iiis fiiigers on the crystal sf
pent, and said, as if to himself/-! thin
we can manage it."
At this juncture a little black imp :i
proaehed with a silver waiter, on Whit
was a golden tankard; ho took tho tan]
ard, saying, "I always take a night cs
before retiring?this is some of Stean
?fc Brummers best, sent down to me as
present by John Minor Bolts; it is dash*
with a little boiling sulphur; and aquafo
tis, to give it a bettor flavor. Will yr
join me ?" offering me fhc cup smiling!
I beg to be excused, on thc plea of heir
teetotaler. --And pray." said he. "win
is that?'' I explained that teetotale
were a society who were pledged not I
driuk an}" ardent spirits. i-Js it possible
said he, "that lhere can be such people
I must see to them, if they are allowed 1
flourish they will deprive me ol' hah m
custom." Ile then emptied the lan kai
at a draught, wiped his lip? with a whit
cambric handkerchief,and appeared to I.
refreshed and exhilarated. He invite
me cordially to spend a few days in h
kingdom; said he would like lo take rt:
around and show me the sights wide
would furnish me some good iiiiem?tn e
pccially the new reservoirs, "which, b
thc by." he ?aid4 "were designed Ivy
countryman of yours?Colonel Ellet?
man of genius; what do you think 1
proposed to me lately? nothing less tba
to bore a tunnel through thc carib to tr
Atlantic Ocean, and let in the waters <
the ocean, to extinguish tiic fires of he
?a magnificent scheme indy, but ? toi
him that I thought that ihe meetii gt
thc two elements in such large quautitit
would generale sufficient gas to blow 11
the whule world. He said he could reg?
late the water, and by means of anptlx
tunnel lo terra?rma, let oil' the gas as li?
as it was generated. But I toid him
did not like that summary way of di:
pensing with hell, and so dismissed th
subject. The fact is. Mr. Spike, hell is
necessity ; what would become of such pd
pie as Brownlow, Stevens. Wade, b?tlel
Stanton. Sumner & Co.. if there was n
hell ?" He then made mc a polite'h'-w c
dismissal, and offered mc his hand whicl
j courtesy compelled me to take. He gav
! mo a hearty shake, which caused a linc
ling sensation as it a thousand ants wer
running up my arm. Tom also made hi
conge, anti we departed. Tout acoorr
partied me a part ol' the way to the rivet
then stopped, and said he must tell m
good-bye, tis he had to attend a ball at th
Duchess de Pompadour's. I atlcmpte
to shako hands with him. but fi?uri
that my arm was paralyzed. Tom brok
out in a great laugh, "So much." said In
"for shaking hands with the Devil, ll
did that, because you said that you'-wei;
a teetotaler."
'But I am not a teetotaler, and ord;
said so to get rid of drinking his infer 11:1
compound of whisky and sulpher," "'Oh.
said Tom, "he knows that as well as you
and he was "gret?ti?g" you when he ina ci
out that he didn't know what a tee lo ta
1er was. I tell you, there's nothing gpin<
on in thc world that he does'nt know al
about, and have a finger in it, too. Good
bye !"
1 bade him good bye with my I efl hand
?md, hurrying down to tho river, look lin
next train for home, where I arrive'
about day-break, glad enough to set my
foot upon this upper crust once more; ami
vowing never to go to hell again, if I car
help it.
J forgot lo state that there were three
mysterious looking passengers on the
train, and one of them had on a long
cloak and a Scotch <?)>. I know by that,
that they were thc Infenial Comviis-iioxcrs.
Your faithful Kc porter.
S Pl Kr.
The Bevolution and its Teacher?.
That wc are passing through a mighty
poittcal revolution will hardly be denied,
even hy those who seek to conceal usurpa?
tion under tho abused forms ot law. The
whole effort und tendency ol th^-ijomiiiant
majo.itv in Congress is to absoro al! tue
distributed power of the Government, and
to desi roy thc authority of thc Constitu? ion.
bv which it is divided into three distinct
and co-ordinate departments. Heneo they
have taken the first step for-the overthrow
of the Supreme Court, ami now are skiv?
ing to depose thc President upon tho
most shallow and feeble pretences. Thc
Jacobins who lead in this work of destruc?
tion do not pretend to lind any sanction
for sueh outrages in the language or.spir??
of the Constitution. They have the audac?
ity not only to avow that ihe whole course
of legislation, for throe yeas past ha's
been "outside1' that written charter pf?u?ij
liberties, 'but thal;it is no longer worthy1
The. Intclligeucer Jo!) Office,
Hayfjig recently ma(]'Q considerable additions
this department, vre are prepared to execute
am mmk ?if AiuSj- ee?
In ilie neatest style and on the most reasonable
terms. Legal Llunks, Hill Heads, 1'ostcrs, (Jardv
Handbiils. Pamphlet.-;, Labels, an'd in fact cTcr
?'yle of work usually dune in a country Printing
Office.
Jf-^ In all cases, the monoywill be required
upon delivery of the vrork. Orders, accompanied
[ with the cash, vrill receive prompt attention.
of even decent .respect. The country is
; told, will) amazing etf'rontery, that ' We *
? are not now merely expounding a governs ,
ment. X\\* are building one. We are
i correcting the injustice, t he errors, the fg%
? lies which were heaped upon other times
? by necessity/'
j This is th* sort of language which the
[ new lights like Stevens, Butler, Ashlfey
I and Shihner apply to the great work of
; the fathers of ibis Republic) and to those
-ipatriotsc nten who sacrificed their lives
j and fortunes (o eslabiiish the eternal prin-.
j ci-iles of liberty and just ice on tlie Ameri- ' ?
lean conti cut. W^sHngton, Jefferson,
j Budison, Attains, Jay, and the host of he
roes and patriots .who sat .by the cradle of
freedom in its infaiiew, and nursed it into -
vigorous and hopeful life : who perilled all
for its defence, and to v. hose generous and -
unselfish devotion extorted the applause
and admiration of the civilized world, they '
did nor, know for what reason they .had
tiirowt: off 1 he yoke of tyranny, or what
I character of iwttii'a?cns they intended to
I found ! Tr srae n.-scrved for these "latter
I day saints' ro furnish the world with a.
i new revelation. ^
j 2S*ot.c::ni.ent with assailing the memory
j of those grand men who sealed our inde?
pendence as a nation Willi their Mood,
I these fictions and disorganizing agitators-.
ha\ e dared to attack the "^fctiioiism and
virtue of the framcrs of the Constitution,
w!>o, in that great.work, erected n. momi
j ment to their fame more enduring than
brass, and organized a governing form for .
free institutions, which will last through .
all'time and stand out as a beacon to cheer -
the oppressed peoples of every country and
clime;
Hear what the oracle of this desperate.??
faction tells his admiring and submissive
followers in the House as a reason for sup-/ -
porting negro suffrage. Mr. Stevens said:;
''The Constitution of 17S0 did not carry
out the principles of government which
were intended by the fathers' when, in 177G,
they laid thc iouijdatioiis of the Govern-.'
ment on which this nation was built."?-.
The great minds' who, with more than -
human v.' is dorn-, framed the Constitution, .
having profited by the rude experience
under the cot.federation, and by the severe".
instruction of a seven years' war. did not, ?
it- appear?, understand the business in
which, they wer-..- eugstgeclj or appreciate
the princijneis whioh they themseives had
.made known to the world, as the cause of;":
separation from the mother country. Af?
ter the iapse of eighty years, Mr; Stevens, ?
of I'vimsyivau'a, rises in the House and- '.
announces ;!.;;t they were only impostors, .
ami never carried cut; their own intentions, .
and that fa? is charged with the duty of ':
enlightening this bonichto? country as to -
what the fathers of 177G did intend.
It is,'indeed, saddening to know that
such declarations may be made with im-""
punif} befora a body like the American
ilouse of Kepreseutalh es; lor it argues a
degree of demoralization daugereous to -
I every ckerjshed right and liberty. We',
have bee:.. In iug happily and prosperously
under litis Consjtitt^ioo for more than
ihree-quarters of a century, and have at?
tained a growth and a name imprecedsnted/
in the hisi'cfy.of the world. When the
Southern States madly rebelled against
the la v.'s I he Coiistitntion was found strong
enough and broad enough to enforce all
necessary authority, and the rebellion was.,
euectnally crashed. Thai instrument,
therefore, slood the strain of the most tre- .
mendous and appalling civil war that ever ;
afflicted the human race; but iti-? now-de?
nounced as incompetent to a condition of
peace by revolutionary demagogues, whose
aim is to subvert our free Government, -
and to establish upon its ruins a mean mil?
itary desjp.utisin.
The coins.Irtaors who are engaged in;
this tiexsonable wo:k know perfectly well
that so long as the Constitution stands,
they cannot proceed to the intended -ex- .
tremity, since its protection is a bulwark
against the a:;!hers of .lids Radical lebcl
lioit, just a.-> it. was a tower of strength
against that other rebelh'i rj which disap?
peared in Agony and desolationilirce years"
ago. ?
For litis reason, the Radical .resells first
attempt to strike down the Executive and
judiciary, the two great amis of dofenco
Vur-tlie public ?bet tics provided by tho
Consiittition, and then make war upon -
that sacred charier itself, m order to
sweep down every vestige of opposition ,
to i heir absoluie i.. ay. And as.a means of
accomj/iisliiug this end, they seek to bring -
the Constitution into dir?repute, and do not ?
scruple to impugn the motives and to ar-'
raign tue acts oJ k> fratuers and lb-.mders, ,
just as if they hau beeil common adven?
turers, or.worthy associates of their pres?
ent dc'iamer^
.'We are drifting fast into the most
alarmin-' penis. iS'olhing but a:: uprising
of ihe people a.l the polls can save ihisna
! lion from tho ih'te wjwcli hn> befallen oilier
republics. 3*nct.i?n, tyrann\, and eorrup
I tion rule in Congress; and atm-at ?-^solijl^
j power. They will stop at no means, how?
ever ail'itrarv of wu-ked, to reach life ob
jeel of a reckless amjilion. and ^iJ?tihT it;
be auainudj there will be no hope, it'diere
should even be a possibiiiU';, of p turn to
tlie ancient order of things! Once thai
the great i'..ntiui.irks are swejj ::way, ,the
ship of slate, left, without a rudder or 'com?
pass, will in vain seel:^ fof.a.hayeti of safety
or rcjU'se. Anarcliy tpuM follow, and wo
may see in lli'ej onid eimVlitidn of.'Mexico
and" lb- so-called Soitili .'m-ri.an Ucpul)
iics what tntitfe is pr^rr.isetl (V>r ihi< coun?
try nnder unlih i cd Radical r tie:?Nation?
al Irih-ilJijeHCrT:
? A gcr.tlet'ren who had been a justice
lifTln peace lor thirty live vea:-. \V.-is not;
: I lowed to rogisli r in the State of West
Virginia, tiec?tvse' ho purchasetl a hoi*se
named Stonev.ali Jackson; the registrar
u marking '?tlie I e'd bed?d if any 'irooly
loif' man would own a horse by that