The Aiken recorder. [volume] (Aiken, S.C.) 1881-1910, August 19, 1892, Image 6

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TCcilber Illinois, Wi*cou*iii, Minnc- •ota, Iowa, Missouri, Kunsas nor Ne braska has within her borders a mil lion sheep. The famous Treadwell mine in Alaska, which has yielded more than $3,000,000 in gold bullion, was pur chased by the man after whom it was named for $300. Secretary Rusk says that the De partment of Agriculture has reduced the amount of deaths among cattle at sea from 1C per cent, to 1 per cent, since the agitation in regard to mis treatment at sea began some 12 months Acts. *T1s good to speak in kindly guise, And soothe whe’er we can; Fair speech should bind the human mind, And love link man to man. But stop not at the gentle words; Let deeds with language dwell; The one who pities starving birds Should scatter crumbs as well; The mercy that is warm'and true Must lend a helping hand, For those that talk, yet fail to do, But “build upon the sand.” A BICYCLE ELOPEMENT. Br H. c. DODGE. ago. An English magazine, devoted to the interests of women, has taken a vote among its readers on the queatipn of woman’s suffrage. The result showed that 8301 of the readers want the ballot, while 1158 expressed them selves as content with their present political status. Queen Christina of Spain upon re* ceiviug the announcement that the thousandth baby had been named after her husband, sent the parents a lay ette, silver baby service, and a hand some nest egg, with the graceful mes- s.igc, “To the thousandth Alfonso, from a woman whom two Alfonsos lauve made happy.” From Germany comes to the New York Sun a talc of criminal genius of no common order. A stranger pre sents himself at a life insurance com pany’s branch office with a visiting card describing himself as a head t dice inspector. The docile agent hands over his keys and cash, and the bogus inspector and the money make them selves air. The transaction evinces audacity, nerve, and an adequate knowledge of human nature. The gentleman ought to have in him the makings of a master at the Araericau national card game. It is to be hoped that before landing in dungeon cell he may make his way to the land of the free, there to pit his fine talents against the brave men who sit within her gates, challenging all comers. While the total population of the United States increased between 1880 and 1890 24.86 per cent, the males in creased 25.66 per cent, and the females 24.02 per cent. The ordinary normal ratio is perhaps preserved between the sexes. The figarcs as to foreign and native born are interesting and exceedingly instructive. Again, sup pressing all but percentages, so as not to burden the memory with figures, it is found iu the census tables recently issued that the native born increase during the past decade was only 22.76 per cent against 41.78 per cent, in the <Iecade of 1870-1880,while the foreign born increase from 1880 to 1890 was 38.47 per cent against 19.99 per cent, for the previous ten years. This shows a large increase in foreign and a large decrease in native born popu lation in the past decade. It would be a good thing, the New York News opines, if every person with an inclination to “go to law” ehould first familiarize himself with the facts in a litigation that has jast reached the stage of “decision re served” in one of our city courts. The suit began in 1862, and involved the sum of $3800. The original plaintiff and defendant are both dead, so are four judges before whom the case came successively, and so is the re feree. There were forty-eight wit nesses at the outset, and all but two of them are dead; so arc two stenograph ers, who took testimony, and several lawyers. The case went to the General Term three times and to the Court of Appeals twice. But there is one ele ment in the ca*e that has shown no signs of decay in all these thirty years —ihe bill of costs. The report of a discovery of a mastodon in Grayson county, Texas, being received with doubt the Galves ton News sent to the spot a repre sentative, who verifies it. Two work men. it seems, found the remains'in the bed of a crock. The tusks tneas- usod five and a half feet in length. The molars, six in number, range iu size from three inches at the front to six indies along the inner jaw. The enamel on some of the teeth was still finn and hard. Other teeth were in a crumbling state. The skeleton stood bolt upright and was six feet beneath the surface of the ground. The tusks were found to be teu feet apart, aad it was at first suggested that flesh- eating animals had dUp aced them. But, on the other hand, each tusk was exactly the same distance from the centre of the head, so that the conclu sion is drawn that the displacement was not so great as at first appeared to be the case, and was probably caused by the actiou of accumulating deposits from higher ground. Oueof the shoulder-blades measured five aud a half feet in length and three and a half iu width. The beast was appar ently twelve feet in height aud about tweuty iu length. Scientists say it was a mastodou ohioticus—American mastodon. The famous Treadwell mine in Alaska, which has yielded more than $3,000,000 in gold bullion, was pur chased bv the mau for whom it was named for $300. I loved my wheel to distraction. Ethel loved her wheel, also, to dis traction. Consequently the attraction of this distraction muted our souls in single thoughts and caused our hearts to palpitate on the unit plan. Of course we were “engaged” and looking forward to a honeymoon of all wheel and no whoa and in the meantime enjoying almost daily bicycle trips through the lovely country about our rural town. No earthly sweeteess could surpass those blissful rides. The fragrant flowers nodded, the tall trees bowed, the breezes whispered and the wild birds sang their most glorious serenades to us as we two turtle doves ou wheels passed before them. Dame Nature in her gayest dress smiled every time she saw us, and so did a good many other folks, no doubt, but as we were too much “en gaged” to heed their levity, they smiled in vain. It was no wonder that Ethel and I became romantic and sentimental when to the purest joy of courting was added the next best delight of cycling. Snch a combination was indeed calcu lated to make love’s young dream too bright to last. There seemed no obstacle between us and perfect happiness except the consent of Ethel’s parents to our union. I naturally felt timid about asking for it and wanted Ethel, who was much better acquainted with them, to speak first. But she insisted that it was my place to make the open ing address, and utterly refused to do anything in the matter beyond vig orously seconding the motion. “Well, dear Ethel,” I said, daring one of our cycling trips, “you might at least tell me the surest way of mak ing your father like me before I come to the point. How would it do to start a little political discussion to be gin with—taking his side, of course, aud after gradually drawing him into an excitement—then while he’s m id at the other fellows, offer to become his sou-in-law aud vote against the ras cals with him?” “I badly think that would work,’’ said Ethel soberly, “for no one knows how pa is at present. He has been a Republican and a Democrat aud a Pro hibitionist aud a Mugwump. 1 heard lately he was on a fence—whatever that means. If you didn't strike him just right, you kuow we would be to tally ruined.” “Suppose I talked bicycles to him —don’t you think that would arouse an enthusiasm aud make him want me to be his companion iu the glorious sport?” “O, not for the world,” Ethel cried. “Pa once took a header and the scar is on his nose yet. He utterly detests that superb enjoyment.” “Then Ethel,” I said sadly, “I’ll have to come out flatfooted and ask him to bless us. If he won’t—” “He shall,” bravely auswerd Ethel, “oly don’t mention politics nor cy cling.” Assuming a boldness that I did not feel, that very night I sought a busi ness interview with my fate’s father in the parlor of his home. As he entered die room I, nerved for the awful ordeal, rose and, with my best bow, wished him a “good evening.” “Good evening! Take a scat, sir,” he said in rather a too dignified tone for my comfort. “I understand you want to see me on very important business.” •‘Yes, sir,” I, trembling, replied. “I am here to ask you for, for—” ••For what, young man?” He spoke pretending not to notice my blushes. “For your daughter’s hand.” The old gentleman gazed at me in evident surprise at my temerity. “My daughter's hand,” he slow.y repeated, “which hand, might I ask, do you want? ” “Why, both, sir,” I stammered- “I love her to distraction aud— and—” The stern parent eyed me from head to foot and then solemly shook his head. “Young man!” he sagely remarked, “have you given this mat ter due consideration? Are you able, wilti your salary to support a wife? Do you know that my daughter’s dres-es alone cost, last year, five hun dred dollars?” The old gentleman thought he had me there, but he didn’t. “Yes, sir!” I answered meekly, “I advised her to get them.” “Ah, ha! I see. That accounts for the young lady’s exiravagance. In time of prosperity you were pre paring for adversity—at my expense. Thought ihe old man a good goose to pluck, did you? Well, my noble youth, while I admire your foresight and business capabilities I must con fess you are altogether too smart to be my Son-in-law. I distinctly and de cidedly have the pleasure of inform ing you that I intend to keep my daughter’s hands. But if mine can be of any assistance in helping you down the steps—here they are.” That ended the unfortunate inter view. It was a long, long week before I saw Ethel aud her woful face was a picture of distress. Mine was more •o. “Ethel,” I groaned as we de jectedly rode alongjon our wheels, “bow can we live without each other?” “We can’t aud we wont,” she bravely exclaimed, “pa is just too horrid for anything. I’m mad enough to elope.” “Hurrah!” I shouted. “I’m with you—raiu or shine. Let’s elope on our bicycles. Never was done before. Strictly original. Patent applied for. We’ll be famous the world over, and your pa will be proud of us.” “Yes—but,” thoughtfully spoke Ethel when she recovered from the shock, how can we manage to take my five-year stock cf dresses. You won’t be able to buy me any till you’re in the firm you said.” ‘“Easy,” I answered. “You can smuggle them iu the barn, wearing one at a time under your every day dress, and place them iu a trunk I'll have hidden in the hay. Then I’ll put wheels on the trunk aud we’ll tow it behind when we elope. What a team we’ll make.” “And what a capital contriver you are,” cried the dear, innocent girl; “but you’ll have to pull the hardest though.” “Never fear,” I laughed, “only name the happy night.” At the appointed time I stood in the shadow made by the full moon under Ethel’s window. As the clock struck midnight Ethel poked her sweet face out and whistled softly. Quickly I raised a ladder to her casement, and with a Romeo’s ardor helped my fair Juliet to the ground where our glitter ing, iron steed stood waiting impa tiently to be off. The loaded-trunk on well greased wheels was down by the gate ready to hitch ou behind us and the minister in the next town was waiting according to arrangement to tie the ten dollar knot when we ar rived. . Although Ethel said that both her pa and ma were soundly snoring when she left her room I knew it wasn’t saf j to linger so, wasting no time in saying “good byes” to the old home stead, up we leaped on our gallant steeds and away we flew down the carriage drive to the front gate almost forgetting the invaluable trunk in our mad haste to escape. Stopping and slipping its rope harness about my waist and working like a steam en gine to haul it over the smooth, macad amized road we fled in the direction of my friend, the parson. Our brave cycles needed no whip and spur to make them go. They seemed to feel the awful responsibility thrust upon them aud did their leve 1 best. Still the trunk handicapped mine to such an extent that soon I wished I hadn’t urged Ethel to secure so many new dresses, but it was too late to re pent. On we went with a long ten miles between us aud victory, and a short one mile between us and Ethel’s pa, who might wake up at any moment to pursue and capture the trunk and— Horrors! a clatter of advancing hoofs from behind told us the threatened danger had arrived. Ou the straight moonlighted road not a half mile ofl a man on horseback—Ethel’s furious pa without a d.oubt—was in full chase. “FlyI Love! Fly!” I cried to my frightened sweetheart, as I leaped i from my wheel and pushed the heavy trunk into a roadside thicket. “Fly for your life!” I shrieked when 1 gained her side again, “we must gc l to the minister first.” How we flew. Our wheels never touched the ground; they bounded through the air; like lightning, like sky rockets ihey whizzed: At the same time our pursuer—Ethel’s pa to a certainty—was near enough to yell for us to stop and gaining, for it was up hill before us. But we reached the hill top ere he caught us, and away we fla-hed like a pair of cannon balls tired from a dynamite gun and followed by a tor nado. One mile, two miles, three miles we raced, pursuer and pursed, neither losing nor gaining, as in silence we all streaked past woods and fields aud scattered farmhouses lining the dreary way. “Twas the greatest test of speed and endurance ever known between horse and bicycle. All reeords were broken and—hurrah. The wheel kept ahead as usual. At the sixth mile the horse began falling behind iu spite of its rider's efforts. At the seventh mile Ethel’s pa was out of sight. Two miles more of the cycle's lightning speed and we reached our temporary haven of safety, the min ster’s where its sleepy owner was sitting up and praying for our safe arrival. In we rushed and in ten minutes our matr»"'''nial kn »t was firmlv tied. Then we went oat on the piazza to look for “pa.” He soon came along on his tired horse and seeieg our wheel at the parson’s gate sopped to find out what it meant. Ethel, aidec by me and the parson, told him and the sensible old gentle man not only gave us his blessing but afterwards traded bis horse for a wheeL It is needless to say that he now loves it to distraction aud thanks his dutiful son-in-law for the same— [Chicago Sun. The Modern Tooth. Fresh from his recent revelations as to the iuentable results of higher edneation on the women of the future, Sir Janies Crichton Browne, wno presided yesterday over a meeting *f the British Dental Asso ciation, ha; felt it his painful duty to call attention to the lamentable condi tion of the tooth of the present. The picture he draws is truly desolating, aud it is all the more so, in that it is founded on the relentless basis of actual investigation. Out of 1861 children under twelve recently ex amined, the proportion of those blest with normal or perfect teeth in need of neither extraction nor tilling was only one in eighteen. Even more alarming are the denial statistics of Leeds, wlere ninety per cent, of the teeth of the population are bad. Fur thermore, Sir Jumes stated that no fewer th\i ten tniilions of artificial teeth are used in England annually. Of the three causes to which Sir James Crichton Browne attributed ihe pres ent parlous condition of the human tooth—soft food, high pressure, and vitiated atmosphere—the first, at least, is by no means an inevitable condition of latter-day life. Ou the other band, the nervous tension of modern exis tence aud the growth of large iowus are factors which cannot beelimiuated from the great denial problem, and are bound to exert an increasingly de structive influence on the type of the coming aan. We are rapidly tending toward an era of total baldness, aud this, it seems, is to be further aggra vated by toothlessness. There is an ancient Greek legend of the daughtcis of Phorcys, who had only one eye and one tooth among them. This, we take it, must have been a prophetic view of the results of culture and civilization on the woman of the future.—[London Globe. New “Siamese” Twins. That strange freak of nature known as “the Siamese twins” has, it ap pears, been riepeated in Orissa. The “Orissa tviiAs” are described as two little Urh[B;irls of about five sum mers old. ■iVhen last heard of they were leafeA by steamer for this coun try on theix way to the World’s Fair at ChicagoJ though they will first be exhibited here. They are, it is stated, firmly joined together, and if one is fed both tare satisfied. When they were in e«'ly infancy at Hoapara, iu the interiw of Orissa, the native vil lagers looked upon them as the incar nation offllhe devil, aud their parents were bojlotted by their casie people. The storlis that the father’s first im pulse walto separate them by cutting the sac wlich joins them together, and the marLiliade in the attempt is still visible, f A. wealthy tehsilder of the district, {however, intervened. Ketter Naick, the, father of the twins, is re ported to ( be now steadily growing rich. TiH0Painc.sc twins, Ciiaug aud Eng, wen^it will he remembered, of the male sex. They were born in 1811 and died iu America within two hours of eacli other, in January, 1874. — [London News. Great Haul of White Elephants. New happy hunting grounds have been found by Mr. Savi, the renowned superintendent of the elephant khed- dahs at Dacca, with the result that be has brought down this season the enormous number of 266 of these un wieldy an inals from the heart of the Garo Hill-. It is probable that they bad never before seen a human being, and they were certainly unaware of the arts by which elephants are caught; for hitherto this large tract of country had not been hunted, owing to the difficulty of making a road by which to get out ihe new captives. It had become important that the old hunt ing districts should have a rest. Now that the Garo Hills are brought within reach by Mr. Savi’s enterprise, it is thought the risk of exhaustion in the old haunts will be minimized. The Mandarin Tongue. The most widely spread language in China is the Mandarin. It is used iu one form or another in fourteen or lifteen of the nineteen provinces com posing China. There are also North ern aud Southern Mandarin tongues. The best Northern Mandarin dialect is spoken in Pekin, while the best South* i ern Mandarin is opnkeu in Nankin. A third marked form of the same tongue is used in West China, especially in Tsieu-Kiang. People who speak the various Mandarin dia lects, however, can understand one another readily. If we estimate the population of China at 360,000,000 of people, at least 300,000,000 use the Mandarin tongue. All persons, from whatever part of China, who desire to enter political or official life, learn this toneme. A LOST CABLE. How It Was Fished Up From the Atlantic’s Bottom. A Marvelous Triumph of En gineering Skill. At a dinner given the late Cvrus TV © • Field by the New York Chamber of Commerce, on November 15, 1866, he told about the recovery of the Atlan tic cable which was lost iu the ocean’s bed, in these words: “After landing the cable safely at Newfoundland, we had another task —to return to mid-ocean and recover that lost in the expedition of last year. This achievement has, perhaps, ex cited more surprise than the other. It was the triumph of the highest nautical and engineering skill. Wo had four ships, and on board of them some of the best seamen in England —men who knew the ocean as a hunt- ter knows every trail in the forest. There was Capt. Moriar y, who was in the Agamemnon iu 1857-8. “He was in the Great Eastern last year, and saw the cable when it broke; aud lie and Capt. Anderson at once took their observations so exact that they could go right to the spot. After finding it, they marked the line of the cable by a row of buoys, for fogs would come down and shut out sun and stars, so that no man could take an observation. These buoys were anchored a few miles apart. They were numbered, and each had a flag staff ou it, so that it could be seen by day, and a lantern by night. Thus having taken our bearings, we stood off three or four miles, so as to come broadside on; and then casting over the grapnel, drifted slowly down upon it, dragging the bottom of the ocean as we went. At first it was a little awkward to fish iu such deep water, but our men got used to it, aud soon could cast a grapnel almost as straight as an old whaler throws a harpoon. “Our fishing line was of formidable size. It was made of rope, twisted with wires of steel, so as to bear a strain of thirty tons. It took about two honrs for the grapnel to reach bottom, but we could tell wheu it struck. I often went to the bow and sat on the rope, and could feel by the quiver that the grapnel was dragging on the bottom two miles under us. But it was a very slow business. We had storms and calms and fogs and squalls. “Still we worked on day after day. Once, on the 17th day of August, we got the cable up, and had it iu full sight for five minutes—a long, slimy monster, fresh from the ooze of the ocean’s bed; but our men began to cheer so wildly that it seemed to be frightened, and suddenly broke away and went down. “This accident kept us at work two weeks longer; but finally, on the last night of August, we caught it. We had cast the grapnel thirty times. It was a little before midnight on Friday night that we hooked the cable, aud it was a little after midnight Sunday morning when we got it ou board. What was the anxiety of those twenty- six hours! The strain on every man’s life was like the strain on the cable itself. When finally it appeared, it was midnight; the lights of the ship and in the boats around our bows, as they flashed in the faces of the men, showed them eagerly watching for the cable to appear on the water. “At length it was brought to the surface. All who were allowed to approach crowded forward to see it. Yet not a word was spoken; only the voices of the officers in command were heard giving orders. All felt as if life and death hung on the is-ue. It was only when it was brought over the bow and on the d. ck that men dared to breathe. Even then they hardly believed their eyes. Some crept towards it to feel of it, to be sure it was there. Then we carried it along to the electricians’ room to see if our long-sought treasure was alive or dead. “A few minutes of suspense, and and a flash told of the lightning cur rent again set free. Then did the feeling long pent up burst forth. Some turned away their heads aud wept, others broke into cheers, and the cry ran from man to man, and was heard down in the engine rooms, deck below deck, and from the boats on the water, and the other ships, while the rockets lighted up the dark ness of the sea. “Then with thankful hearts we turned our faces again to the west. But soon the wind rose, and for thirty- six hours we were exposed to all the dangers of a storm ou the Atlantic. Yet, in the very height and fury of the gale, as I sat in the electricians’ room, a flash of light came up from the deep which having crossed to Ire land, came back to me, in mid-ocean, telling that those so dear to me, whom I had left on the banks of the Hudson, were well and following us with their wishes and their prayers. “This was like a whisper of God from the sea. bidding me keep heart and hope. The Great Eastern bore herself proodly through the storm as if she knew that the vital cord which was to join the two hemispheres hung at her stern, and so on Saturdav. the 7th of September, we brought our second cable safely to the shore.” Firemen’s Nerves. A training-school system for finer men is one of the interesting features of the fire-fighting department of Chicago. New firemen are initiated and old ones skilled in the dangers and neces sities of their calling at the engine- houses where hook and ladder com panies are stationed. At these places what is known as the “pompier drill” is gone throagh, says the Tribune, and here, too, the various devices de signed to ensure the safety of human life are tested. And at these places also the nerve of a new man is given a thorough trial. To the lay observer the pompier drill is a thrilling sight. It stirs one to see a 200-pouud man run up the wall of a four-story building by no other means than a skeleton ladder, twelve feet long—a device that ap pears to be unable to bear the weight of an average youth. Yet this is done, and done so quickly as to take one’s breath away. Attached to each engine-house is a three-story tower with window ledges on the sides. The pompier ladder is curved at one end, and the new fire man is taught how to rest this on the first-story ledge so that it will not slip while he is climbing. After he has reached the first ledge he draws up the ladder and hangs it from the ledge above. Then he climbs again, repeat ing the process until the roof is reached. The ladder having no safe grasp on the ledge, is likely to slip unless skillfully managed. The fire man’s weight must hold the ladder securely in place. A slight shifting of his weight to one side would raise one of the curved prongs resting on the ledge, aud, this slipping, ladder and fireman would fall. It was by an accident of this kind that a fireman lost his life a few days ago at the engine-house on Pacific avenue. The object of perfecting firemen in this drill is to make them skillful iu scaling buildings to the roof where time is a valuable consideration. An expert fireman can get to the top of a building long before a truck ladder is iu place. Another drill is that with the steel net, a device for catching anyone jumping from a building. The fire men are taught how to hold the nei* aud tests are made by having persons jump from short elevations. In this drill a svstem of signals is used to se- cure prompt and uniform movement ou the part of the men. This is to enable thorn to move together at a captain’s signal so as to catch a falling body. What We Owe to Animals. Those who have read the story of Robinson Crusoe, the sailor who was shipwrecked on an Island not inhabi ted by white men, will remember how he soon made companions of the va rious animals he found there, and with their aid sustained life qutil he was rescued. If one of us should be shipwrecked ou a desert island where no animals lived—no horses to draw us, no ox to toil tor us, no cow oi goat to give us milk, no sheep to give .is wool, no hens to give us eggs, no dog to be our companion aud guard us in the night, no cat to lie on the hearth, no birds to sing their songs, no living oreature to keep us comj any, no sound of any living thing by day or night, only solitude and silence e\'ery where, with nothing to eat but such roots as we could dig from the earth, and nothing to wear but such bark as we could pluck from the tree —we should then know how much wo owe to these creatures, which God lias mercifully provided for our use. And ever afterwards, if we escaped from such a life, how grateful we should he to God for giving them, and how grateful to them for the ser vice they render us! It lias been said by those who have studied, that if only the birds were all destroyed, we could not live on the earth; for the insects which birds ea l would destroy all vegetation, and all human life would perish. — [Twelve Lessons on Kindness to Animals. The Universal Mosquito. “I have been as far south as Pata gonia, and as far north as Iceland,” said Capt. Frank Bowers, now at the Laclede, “aud I have yet to find a country that is not infested by mos quitoes. It is the geueral opinion that these pests are confined to warm countries, but that is a mistake.. In the short summers of Iceland they fairly swarm, aud a man may get all the bites he can take care of in the Straits of Magellan if he goes there at the proper time. Mexico was a terra incognita to the mosquito until a few years ago, but lie is plentiful enough there now. It is said that they were imported, with much other undesir able live stock, from the United States. If that be true I do not wonder at the dislike with which the descendants of the Montezumas regard the Ameri canos.”— [St. Louis Globe-Democrat. It is estimated that 3,500,000 theatre tickets are issued in the country every week at fifty cents each. The total sum expended every year for this form of amusement would amount to $91,000,000. “The Laud of Little People.” Yes, the land of little people is a lovelier land than ours, With its mine of new-found treasures, mossy glades and fairy bowers. Earth, her robe of choicest beauty spreads to woo the tender feet. And the angels whispering round them thrill the air with accents sweet. Memary brings no pang of sorrow, troubles lightly pass away, * Hope's horizon is tomorrow, and the sky is bright today. Every moment has its blessing, sweeter thoughts and fairer flowers; Yes, he land of little people is a lovelier land than ours. But from o’er the silent river comes to us a purer glow— Purer even than the sunbeams that the little people know; And tne love sons of the heavens steals upon the wearied ear, Sweeter than the angels' whimpers that the little people hear. And the wanderer, overstriven, humbled as a little child. Knows the pa?t is all forgiven, and his God is reconciled. When around Lis faltering footsteps comes the blessing of the dove, From the fairest world of any, from the home of trutli and love. —[C. Willis, in New York Advertiser. HUMOROUS. Nothing tires the aoul of a man more than a shoe peg. Many a woman who cannot drive a nail or a horse can drive a man. • A row of pins amounts to a great deal to the mau who sits down on them. Bob—I don’t see how yen can stand that fellow Bliukington. Claire—I can’t; I sit down on him. “Charley Thwiggins! How dare you?” “You said you’d be a sister to me, didn’t you?” “Yes.” “Well I al ways kiss my sister whenever I feel like it.” “There’s only one good thing about a clam,” remarked young Freddy, as be dextrously removed a handful of gravel from his mouth, “he never loses his sand.” Mrs. Yottngwife (at breakfast) — There is no bread on the table, Nora. Nora—Sure, there's none in the house. Mrs Youngwifo (severely)—Then make some toast. She always used to shake my hand with a touch as light as a feather, Last night I said I loved her and she shook me altogether. Smith (with effusion) — Hello, Brown, is that you? 1 heard you were drowned! Brown (with sadness) — No it was my brother. Smith (^thought- lessly) — What a pity! Miss Drop—Why I wonder what is the matter with my eye? Do they seem to have a filmy appearance? Mr. Swiftleigh—Just about as usual my dear. They fill me with rapture. “I have just gained your mother’s consent, Clara dear.” “But, Mr. Swift, I am so young, I—really—” “I don’t think it will make any dif ference, as I am to be your step father.” He had broujfht her a chair, then a fan, then an ice, and as he went after her shawl, her friend remarked: “You sem to think a great deal of Mr. Slimmins.” .“Yes,” wa s the re ply, “I like him for his fetching ways.” The Vibrating Uoloeusia. Another botanical curiosity has late ly been added to the list that was al ready graced with such oddities as the “changeable flower,” the “cannibal vine,” the “jumping bean,” the “cater pillar plant” and the “snow flower.” The new wonder is from New Zeal and and has only been known to civilized man since 1891. In its native haunts it is known by a name which signifies “ague weed,” notwithstand. ing the fact that it is a true tree and often grows to be 20 feet high. The peculiarity of tins shrub is its-trem bling, a characteristic which gives it its n ine of “vibrating” colocasia to distinguish it from oilier species of colocasia which do not tremble. Wheu iu a closed room, where the air is per fectly still, the vibrations frequently run up to 100 per minute. The trembling is not in the leaves alone* but occasionally extends to some of the largest branches. — [St. Louis Re public. A Swell Chinese Dinner. General Wong, commander of the Chinese troops in the neighborhood of Canton, has been entertaining the foreign consuls, the commissioner and deputy commissioners of customs, the chairman of the municipal council, aud others in the Swatow Guildhall. The bill of fare was as follows: Bird’s- nest soup, pigeon’s egg*, sharks’ fins, fried quail, stewed pigeons, mush rooms (stewed), ineatcake* and chick en soup, roast chicken (rolled), white fungus, boiled mutton and onions, chicken, walnuts and mushrooms, roast mutton, dolphins’ mouths, suck ing pig and roast duck with garlic, cucumber and patties, crabapple tea and cakes, congee with ducks’ eggs and salt turnips, boiled rice and a variety of sweets. In the matter of liquids, a variety of “the best sam- shoos” were served, together with foreign wines, including champagne. In America, as in France, the aver age size of families has been steadily decreasing for the last half centary. The average is now 4.94, when in 1850