The free South. (Beaufort, S.C.) 1863-1864, April 18, 1863, Image 4

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>? ? 'V?' .4 y i - ? r The Advanced Corps of an Army. f ? The following remarks, on the subject of marches, are taken from a little work, "On the Duties of Troops composing the Advanced Corps of an Army," by Lieut. Col. Leach, of the British Army; a work which, for its sound practical views, made in the vein of a judicious, well-informed soldier, who lias seen service, commends itself to the juniors of the profeseion rtonorollr "At the time the following orders were first issued for the march of the light-division, in the summer of 1809, on its route from Lisbon to Talavera, the troops moved off by whole or half sections, according to the width of the road; but, at a later > _ period, a general order appeared, which directed that the infantry should march by threes. "The division having formed in rear of the leading battalion, at whole, half, or quarter distance, or in close column, aud the baggage being assembled in rear of it, the march was commenced with precisely the same regularity as would be observed by a regiment or regiments moving in or out of a garrison town; the bands playing, the light infantry with arms sloped, and those of the riflemen slung over the shoulder, the oflicers with swords drawD, and exact wheeling distances of the sections preserved, and perfect silence observed. "After having proceed a short distance in this manner, the word of command, 4March at ease,' was given by the general at the head of the leading battalion, and this was passed quickly on to the rear from company to company. The captains, instead of continuing at the head of their companies, dropped back to the rear of them: the reasons for allotting this station to them was, that they might see any men of their respective companies who attempted to leave the ranks without leave. The officers and non-commissioned officers preserved the wheeling distances. The soldiers now carried their arms in any manner most convenient. Some slung them over their shoulders, (most of them, indeed, preferred this mode as the least fatiguing,) others sloped them, and -they constantly changed from the right hand or right shoulder to the left. Whilst some lighted their short black pipes, others sung or amused their comrades with stories and jests, as is usual on those occasions. gp^BB^^^^^^^ltiiough allowed to prosecute the march "in This easy and*unresTrainec maimerra heavy penalty, nevertheless, awaited the man who quitted the ranks without permission from the captain or officer commanding his company. The captains were always provided with tickets bearing thenown signature, on each of which was written, 'The bearer has my permission to fall out of the ranks, being unable to proceed with the regiment.' Any soldier found on the line of march by the rear guard, without a ticket, was liable to be punished for disobedience of orders; and, as no difficulty was ever experienced by men who were sick, or knocked up, in procuring this certificate of inability to keep up with their regiments, such offenders certainly merited punishment. "If a soldier wanted to fall out of the ranks for a few minutes only, ne was required to ask leave of the captain to do so, and, moreover, to take off his knapsack, and~to give it, together with his musket, in charge of the men of his own section, to be carried by them until he rejoined them. This was an admirable order, and it operated in two ways; first, the soldier was enabled, not being encumbered with either knapsack or musket, more speedily to overtake the column on its march; and secondly, if he loitered unnecessarily on the way to rejoin his comrades, who were doubly burdened with his arms and pack, he would be certain to incur their displeasure. # "About once in every hour and a quarter or half, a halt was ordered, and ten 01 twelve minutes allowed for the men to rest. When practicable, this was done on ground near which there was water; but . it is almost unnecessary to add, that ven frequently it was not possible to find sucli favorable spots. " Preparatory to those temporary halts, the word of command, 'Attention!' wa? given at the head of the leading regiment, and passed on rapidly, (as already stated from company to company. Upon this t.hfl rantAins moved auicklv from the rea: of their companies to the front; the arms of the soldiers were regularly shoulderec or slung; perfect silence was observed the pipes were instantaneously put out o sight, either in the haversacks or else where; the dressing and the wheeling dis tances of the sections were correctly kept and in an instant there was a magica change from apparent irregularity to mos perfec t discipline aad order. "On resuming the march after thos halts, the troops observed the same ex treme regularity during the first hundre or two of yards, as I have already de scribed. The words 4 March at ease' be ing again given, they returned to th song, the story, and the tobacco-pipe. "On approaching rivulets or shallo1 pieces of water, which it was necessar should be passed, neither officers nor so fliers were allowed pick their wa through, nor was the smallest break or irregularity permitted to exist in the ranks; but the column marched through by half sections, sections, or sub-divisions, (according to the width of the ford,) preserving the same order as if moving along a I road. i "That this regulation was, on some i occasions, too rigidly enforced, I have ; never heard disputed; still, the object at ! which it aimed, viz., that of expending as little time as possible on each day's march, so as to give the soldiers time to take their j rest, to construct huts in the bivouac, to [ wash their linen, to mend their clothes or I shoes, to draw their rations, and to cook their meals, that they might be fresh for whatever fatigues happened to be in store for them, was indisputably a most desira! Vila niia | viv vuv j "Those who have campaigned know, J : that in advancing to attack an enemy, or j in retiring before one, the passage of rivers ! | in the line of march, even if so deep as to J 1 reach their middles, and under the fire of I ' an enemy also, are expected to be crossed i by the troops without a greater derange; ment taking place in their order of march ' than the obstacles which they are in the act of encountering, must necessarily produce in a greater or less degree. "With a detachment consisting of a few hundred men, at a distance from an enemy, and with ample time before them to get over their day's march, it would appear that this order might well be dispensed with; but with a division of four j or fire thousand men, the case is widely 1 j different. "Let it be supposed that it has arrived j at a stream which admits of being passed ; by sections, subdivisions, or even by companies; and that, instead of proceeding I straight through it in this manner, every j soldier is permitted to pick his way across in any manner he may think proper, and to break off from his place in the ranks, what a vast loss of time would this occa?"? wnnl/1 fV>? toot nf fVin nnlnrmi j8iuu: have effected its passage? Surely the patience of those belonging to the front, centre, and rear of this body of four thousand soldier?, would be pretty well exhausted long before the opposite bank was gained by the whole, and the march resumed. "In the rugged and mountainous districts which the army so frequently traversed in the Peninsula, it encountered i various defiles and other obstacles, which precluded the possibilty of their being passed except by""a" Very &WXU"TnnnbcT -of- men a? a time; and the following mode was therefore adopted by each company in making its way along. The first company of the leading battalion, as soon as it had disentangled itself from the defile or broken ground, was directed to march forward, perhaps about a quarter of a mile; there to pile arms, and the men to rest. The head of the next company, when it had cleared the defile, halted about thirty or forty yards on the other side, until all the men belonging to it came up in succession. This done, the captain moved it forward independently until it joined the leading company, where it piled arms. Thus, each company, as soon as it had [ cleared the obstacles, was brought up en | masse, and at a regular pace, without reference to those in' its rear. By those means that most unmilitary%xhibition of file after file running ou, like a string of wild erase. to catch those in their front, was entirely avoided. "Few tilings tend so effectually to fatigue and irritate soldiers who are already jaded, as that of trotting on, bending under the weight of pack, belts, and musket, to overtake those who continue to march on in their front. "When the division was about toperform a march not in the immediate vicinity of an enemy, the following arrangements were made either for bivouacking or quartering it, (as the case might be.) j so that no time should be lost after it had reached its destination. "A staff officer, accompanied by the quartermasters of the division, or (if other ' duties at that moment were required to be performed by the quartermasters) by a subaltern of each regiment, preceded the troops on horseback, so as to arrive ' long before them at the ground on which they were to halt for the day, or at the 1 town or village in which it was intended ' they should be quartered. "A whole street, or part of one, (as circumstances admitted,) was allotted by the , staff officer to the quartermasters for each ' - * 1' i l_ | of their regiments, who immediately uiviI ded the street into equal portions for tin different companies, reserving a house or two for the staff of the regiment. "A sergeant of every company of the ] division being sent forward so as to arrive t long before the troops, and being told by his quartermaster how many and wliat e buildings yvere set apart for his own people, again subdivided the houses into four equal parts for each of the sections. .. "In the event of any noise or disturbance taking place, whether by day or by e night, the probabilities were that the officers belonging to the companies where a- such irregularities were going on, would y certainly hear it, and as instantaneously 1- put an end to it. 7 "If, then, the division marched into a X < . town, each company was by its sergeant J conducted to the houses allotted to it; & which they were established in a very few 1 minutes. It rarely happened, therefore, j \ that the soldiers wers kept waiting in the ! ] streets for any length of time, us has too i often been the case. ! ! "Should it, 011 the other hand, have, been intended to bivouac the division, , , iustead of puttiug it into houses, arrange- ] ments of a similar nature were adopted, , ' by sending forward officers and sergeants , to take up the ground; by which means . , each company marched at once up to its I i own sergeant, on whom they formed in j open column. " The rolls were immediately called; the j ; men first for duty were warned for guards, \ ] (also inlying and outlying pickets, if near j ' the enemy,) for fatigue duties, to draw | the rations, to procure wood for cooking j , if none was near at hand, to go for water i if no river flowed near the encampment, ' fcc., <fcc. ! ( '' This done, and the alarm-post, or | place of general assembly, having been J ; pointed out to every one, the men were 1 dismissed; the arms piled, the cooking ! ' immediately commenced, and all further ' parades were dispensed with for the day, j i except a roll-call about sunset. I 1 "Parties to procure forage, whether 1 green or dry, Were sent out in charge of j an officer as soon as the troops were dis- | missed. 1 "Among the various regulations laid ! down for the light division, I must not ' omit to mention what were termed mule- j guards. 11 "A corporal and three privates of eterv I ; company, mounted guard at nightfall, ! whenever the division was encamped. ?Tie . particular duty expected from the sentinels of these company guards, was to keep an eye Jo the baggage "animals belonging to their officers, (which were picketed to the trees or fastened in some other man- { ner,) and to prevent them from breaking | loose. ' 'After the establishment of those little ; guards, but few instances occurred of 1 whole troops of noisy mules, horses, and asses, chasing each other round and through the camp or bivouac, and gallop- , ing over the faces and bodies of the soldiers while they were asleep. "Independent of their utility in this way, every company in the division, ha ing its own sentinel, was sure to berius^ntly~appme(t of the , flight from the pickets in front; nndBhey ' were enabled, also, to communiratM to raieir reflective companies, withpidPthe least delay, any orders arriving at? the camp. " Those only who have witnessed ? can j thoroughly understand with what un?om- ; mon facility and dispatch the division could suddenly get under arms, form in column of march, load the baggage,[and proceed on the route chalked out for it." A Frightful Contingency. ?A farmer, from the neighborhood of Gals ton, took his wife to see the wonders of the microscope, which happened to be exhibiting in Kilmarnock. The various cariosities seemed to please the good woman very well, till the animaculje contained in a drop of water came to be shown off. t < T L A i rnese seerneu. ro poor uuuei uut ?u *ci j i pleasant a sight as the others. She sat ; patiently, however, till the 44 water-tigers," J magnified to the size of twelve feft, appeared on the sheet, fighting with their usual ferocity. Janet now rose i> great trepidation, and cried to her liisband, 44 For glide sake; come awa', John. 44 Sit still, woman," said John, 44 and see the show." 44 See the show? keep us a' man, what wad come o' us if thae awfu'-like brutes wad break. Vitality in Horses.?Some experiments have recently been made in France, by persons skilled in the veterinary art, with a view of ascertaining how long horses may live without food in certain contingencies, as, for example, being shut up in besieged places. These results have been achieved: A horse may live for twenty-five days without solid food, and only drink. He may live for seventeen days without eating or drinking. He can live onlv five days, when consuming solid food, without drinking. After hiking solid aliment for the space of ten days, but with an insufficient quantity of drink, the stomach is worn out. The above facts show the importance of water in the sustenance of the horse, and the desire the animal must feel to be supplied with it. A horse which had been deprived of water for the space of three days, drank t4even gallons in the space of three minutes. A Sermon by a Brigadier-General. ? Oil Sunday, the 21st inst., Rev. Mr. Robin, chaplain of the Twenty-first New York State volunteers, preached in camp tieai Sharpsburg. He was followed by Brigadier-General Patrick, the brave and skilful general who litis command of fie brigade, and who has led it most gallantly in action, and brought it safely from the field, though with more diminished numbers than when it entered, many a time. Gen. Patrick may not be known to many as a christian general, as well as an experienced and distinguished one, but so he is, and he is known among his men by the sobriquet, '4 Parson Patrick." ^ Old Abe's Last Joke.?'When our jesting President heard of the recent relW raid fit Fairfax, in which a brigadier-general and a number of valuablf-liorses were captured, lie gravely observed, ,4 Well, I irn sorry for the horses." 44Sony for the horses, Mr. President!" exclaimed the secretary of war, raising his spectacles ind throwing himself back in his chnir in astonishment. "Yes," replied Mr. Lincoln, 441 can make a brigadier-general in Ave minutes ; but it is not so easy to replace a hundred and ten boraes," / '/ f v 1 * Tbe End of the Polish Revolution. I The brave and heroic leader of the Pol- ' sh insurgents, Gen. Langiewicz, has, iooner than was expected, met with the fate which the great disparity between the Polish and the Russian .forces made inevitable. The great battle between the Ruslians and the main bulk of the insurgents under his immediate command, which Langiewicz had anxiously endeavored to i)ut oft* as long as ]>ossible, has taken [dace, and, although the detailed accounts | af it have not yet reached us, we knowthat the brave Pole has been totally defeated, wounded, and conveyed to Austrian territory. The government of Austria is reported to have assigned to him some Austrian town as his place of residence, I rv?- *-?^/\ n r?aoaiinf fn linva LFXj aiTUimu^ iv a icvi^i awuiuu, wv <u?tv , conveyed him to the fortress of Cmeow. His army bns been dispersed, and a large portion of it has likewise been driven into Grallicia. We think it highly probable that tliis crashing defeat will be followetl by a speetly suppression of the revolution. The j army of Langiewicz was the only consid- j erablc body that the national party had ' been able to rally; its dispersion must, of i course, spread consternation and dismay among the smaller bands of guerrillas, i Langiewicz, moreover, was the only lead- | er who had gained a military reputation , and sufficient distinction to concenter up- ' on himself the hopes of the nation. Even j if the insurrection should linger on for j 3ome time, it will be difficult to find a sue- \ cessor to Langiewicz as dictator. Simultaneously with the defeat of Langiewicz, the English and French papers, and even the official MonUeur, were announcing that the insurrection was still spreading beyond the five governments (Warsaw, Plocz, Lublin, Radom, and An- j gustowo,) constituting the kingdom of j Poland, into the provinces belonging to 1 Russia. Raczynski, one of the insurgent : chiefs, is reported to have, after many en- ! gagements, succeeded in leading his band, , which had been continually increasing in I numbers, to Pinsk, in the government of i Minsk, to have occupied the town, and | proclaimed the national government. In ; the government of Mohilew, the insur- j gents had been victorious over the Russians at Rudnika. In Podolia, the insur rection was likewise spreading, according I to late accounts. But all this, we fear, will be of little avail. After the dispersion j of the main army, but little of artillery and of ammunition will be left to the insurgents, and the occupation of the Gali- ! cian frontier by the Russians will put ob- j stacles almost insurmountable in the way 1 nt oraffirkr* fvpell till Til ill" PS TIlP fmppdv ! U1 ft -IT" ' " . A V termination of the insurrection is foreshadowed by the latest news received at London, indicating continuing Russian successes. The hepe of an armed intervention in faj*r"uf Poland, which the more ardent of Her friends had for some time indulged, was destroyed by the official declaration of the French government before the French senate. But strong diplomatic representations in behalf of an amnesty and far-reaching cwicessions to the Poles will be made by most of the European governments, and, kv? hop?, not *Ju>#ot^er without success.V- Tribune. A Hardshell Sermon. Rev. J. H. Anghey, a Union refugee from Mississippi, gives the following as a true report of a portion of a sermon he heard from a primitive or hardsdell baptist in that state. It was a warm morning in July, and the reverend gentleman took off liis coat and vest, rolled up his sleeves, j and began : " My Brethering and Sistern?I air a ignorant man, follored the plow all my life and never rubbed agin nary college. As I said afore, I'm ignorant, and I thank j God for it. [Brother Jones responds, ' Passon, ver ort ter be very thankful, for ver very ignorant. '1 Well, I'm agin all high larnt fellers what preaches grammar and Greek fur a thousand dollars a year. 1 They preaches for the mouev, and they gits it, and that's all they'll git. They've j got so high larnt they conti^diets seripter, what plainly tells us that the sun rises and sets. They seys it don't but that the verth | whirls round like clay to the seal. tVliat ud come of the water in the wells ef it did ? Wodent it all spill out and leave 'em dry, and where ed we be ? I may say to them, as the sarpent said unto David, much learning hath made thee mad. "When I preaches, I never takes a tex till I goes fhter the pulpit; then I preaches a plain sarment, what even women can understand. I never premederates, but what is given to me in that same hour, that I sez. Now I'm a gwine ter open the bible, and the first verse I sees, I'm a gwine to take it for a tex. I Suiting the action to the word, he opened the bible, and commenced reading and spelling together. ] Man is f-e-a-r-f-u-l-l-y?fearfully and "? * 1 1 1?. 1 w-o-n-u-e-r-i-u-i-i-y?wonaenuuy m-a-u-e ?mad. " Man is fearfully and wonderfully made." [Pronounced mad. ] Well, it's a quar tex, but I said I'se a gwiue to preach from it, and I'm a gwine to dq it. In the fust place, I'll divide my sarment into three heads. Fust and foremost, I show you that a man will git mad. 2d. That sometime he'll git fearfully mad; and thirdly and lastly, when thar's lots of things to vex and pester him, he'll git fearfully and wonderfully mad. And in the application I'll show you that good men sometimes gits mad, for the posle David liisself, who wrote the tex, god mad, and called all men liars, and cussed his enemies, wishin' 'em to go down quick into hell; and Noah, he got tite, and cussed his nigger boy Ham; just like some drunken masters now cusses their niggers. But Noah and David repented; and all 011 us what gits mad must repent, or the devil'll git 118. One of tlie Committee of Arrangements for the Union meeting in New York called on a prominent banker in Wall street for a small subscription to aid in paying the expenses. The broker asked him how much the meeting would cost; the answer was, not far from SGOO?including rent, advertising, kc. " Very well," said the broker, "send me the bill, I'll pay it myself and he did. It may be well enough to add that the same broker has refused from the beginning to buy a dollar of gold, or do anything else to throw even apparent discredit on the government. Ex-Senator SlideU's property about to be confiscated in New Orleans is valued at 8230,000. Most of his property and his ( person ore in Europe, % General JlcC'Iellan. ft The congressional report on the conduct of the war is remarkable as dealing not with opinions, or arguments, or theories, u but mainly with facts. It is a liistorical ? statement of the eric/fare 011 certain im- " portaut points. We have already present- ^ ed in these columns an impartial summary of this evidence ; let us endeavor to note 0 now more briefly the conclusions which it ei establishes. We will try to state them in such a way that, however they may con- 11 flict with personal partialities or prejudi- ^ ces, they shall not be controvertible as jv matters of fact. p The army of the Potomac was organized 11 by Major-General McClellan. By the first " of October, 18(>1, it numbered 185,000 ? men, and was in all respects fit for immc- ? diate service. The rebel army at Manas- ^ sas. which was opposed to it. was less than 70,000 strong. But the army of the Potomac nevertheless remained inactive du- 7 ring the whole winter of 1801-2, and did ^ not move till the rebels voluntarily evacuated Manassas in March. A victory tliat winter would practically have annihilated the rel>ellion. It is not now disputed that our army would have won a victory if it l1 had been tried, and that Gen. McClellan * is solely responsible for its failure to try. ? Secondly: The blockade of the Potomac J might have been prevented 01* raised at any time during that winter by nayal force a with the co-operation of 4,000 troops, a Gen. McClellan withdrew the troops, and d is solely responsible for the continuance h of the blockade. d Thirdly: The peninsular campaign was n Gen. McClellan's own plan, reluctantly 8 acquiesced in by the President, and un- p dertaken by McClellan on the express con- t dition that he should leave a force suffi- p cieut, in the opinion of all his corjw com- a manders, for the defence of Washington. 1j They fixed the number of that force at f 55,000. But Gen. McClellan, in violation f of his agreement and of the orders of the 8 President, withdrew all but 18,000 troops from the capital, part even of those being a raw, and no light artillery left them. The I President, therefore, ordered the corps of y McDowell to remain for the defence of t Washington, and even including tliis corps the specified number of troops was not t VA^ 41?1CS ici wrlvn4 10 on II IliUUC up* XUl Liiid xo ??uab 10 w&utvvi un "interference with General McClellan's 11 plans," and is in substance the only ground of complaint against the President, and t the only excuse offered for the failure of \ the peninsular campaign. Fourthly: McClellan took with him to t the peninsular more than 100,000 troops. \ The rebels had less than 20,000 to resist his occupation of Yorktown. But he sat ] down to besiege it; the rebels concluded to reinforce and resist, and after a month's a delay the place was evacuated by the rebels without firing a gun, just as McClellan } was ready to open his batteries. Meanwhile part of McDowell's corps had been t sent him. It is now known tin; . Yorktown j might have been taken at once, and that Richmond would have fallen with it. For the delay and failure McClellan alone is J responsible. ' Fifthly: There were three other occa- a sions when, if /McClellan lunl improved r his advantage, Richmond might have byen ? vaken by the tioops who cofild at opce ji have been moved against it; viz.: after the * battles of "Williamsburg, Seven Pines, and c Malvern Hill. Each time he hesitated to 1 advance till it was too late, and the rebel 1 capital was saved. -. * Sixthly: The retreat of the army of the a Potomac after and during the seven days' * battles was precipitate and premature. _ , The battles were all fought by the corps 1 j commanders, (fen. McClellan's only share I in the operation being to order anil super- t intend the unnecessary retreats by night, r i And when, finally, after the splendid vie- c | tory of Malvern Hill, won in his abscence, \ i he again fell back to Harrison's Bar, lie a l despaired of his army, made no prepara- ( tions for defense for twenty-four hours i ' after, had resolved on surrendering his j 1 I i i :e ? ,1 | | wnoie army 11 ugum aiuirivi-u, huh n?n ji only saved from tliut disgrace by a rain I which prevented the enemy from moving 1 his artillery. Seventhly: All possible re-enforctments were sent to McClellan while he was on the Peninsular. The letters of the President, of the Secretary of War, and of Gen. Halleck conclusively prove that eveiy effort was made to sustain and re-enforce McClellan, that troops were even sent him which were deemed indispensable to the safety of Washington, and that they were refused him only when no more remained to be sent. Eighthly: When ordered to witlidraw his army from Harrison's Bar, Gen. McClellan delayed the execution of the order eleven days after its receipt. By that delay the safety of the army of Virginia and \\ ashington was imminently endangered, and still more so by McClellan's subsequent failure to heartily co-operate with Gen. Pope. Ninthly: The battle of Antietam, which was an indecisive success, might have been a complete victory and would have been followed by the destruction or capture of the rebel army, if it had been skillfully fought by McClellan, or if he had renewed the attack next morning as Burnside and Sumner advised. Tenthly: The protracted inactivity after that battle from the 17th of September to the 2<ith of October was unnecessary, in direct defiance of positive orders, di?us- i trous to the national cause, was and the , salvation of the rebellion. The sole re sponsibilitv lor it resw 011 uen. Aitnjieilan. The immediate cause of his removal 1 seems to have been this latest and most ] persistent insubordination. j We have 110 comments to offer 011 these statements. They are not charges against 1 Ctcu. McOlellan?they are the findings of 1 an impartial jury 011 the evidence submitted to them. The sentence which history ] will pronounce we do not care to antici- ( pate. But this general, so generally 1 trusted, so lavishly supplied with men and J material, so cordially sustained, so tender- ly borne with, so long retained in a command which he repeatedly proved himself j unequal to wield, cannot longer demand j that the evidence of his incapacity should j be withheld, or the judgement of the na- , tion be willfully blinded.?Tribune. , Com. Charles Stewart, (Old Ironsides,) j was some time ago made a flag-officer, ] with a salary of $1,500 per annum. More ] recently he was promoted tp~ be rear-ad- 1 miral, with $2,500 a year. He has persis- 1 tently declined the hitter appointment, preferring not tp pay ?2,000 for ft mere I title, , .." ir< "u * # * > [ISCELLANEO US AND NEWS ITEMS Recently, Secretary Chase of the treasry department, found upon a desk in liis Rice, what at first appeared to be a picire of an " infernal machine," looking | ery much like a goose, but which on furler examination proved to be a drawing f an ingenious invention for turning gold agles into "greenbacks," with the seereirv himself operating it, and slowly feedlg it with "yaller boys" at one end, bile the government currency came out t the other end, flying about like the ?aves of autumn. While he was examinlg it, the President came in as he daily oes, for consultation. Mr. Chase handd him the drawing, and as the roguish ye of our chief magistrate recognized the kenoss of the secretary, he exclaimed? "Capital joke, isn't it Mr. Chase?" i foi.l ilm Pinan/imi* "TM A jUMTj A*im wic imvc uikimvav*) A ivo a thousand dollars to know who left S here." "Oh, no," responded Mr. Lincoln, 'you would hardly do that." " Yes I would," asserted the secretary. "Would you, though?" inquired the resident, with that deliberate manner liat characterizes him when he is really in arnest?"Well, which end would i/ou pay erom?" A lieutenant-colonel who was wounded t Murfreesboro', who had been stopping while at a certain hotel, on the twentieth ay called for his bill. The obliging clerk ahded him the document with twenty ays multiplied by 84. The colonel scanted the bill and observed its footing up, 80. He turned to the doctor, who was resent, and asked him if he did not think hat pretty heart/. The doctor, with that eculiar toss of the head which indicates small whirlwind, said: "Xo; if you iad to pay 84 for a gobbler, 81 a dozen or eggs, 84 a pound for Rio coffee, 81,'25 or butter, 815 a bushel for ]>otatoes, and >5 pair for shad, you'd think it was tight." The colonel ran his eye over his bill gain, and quietly replied : "Well, I've >een here twenty days, and ? the article ou have mentioned have I seen on vour able." '4 It is said that the doctor rushed out ino the back yard, and did not cool off till le had whipped three little niggers.?Bichion it Whig. Why is the letter E a most lazy and exravagant letter? Because it is always in >ed and never out of debt. Why is the letter E a most desirable leter? Because it is essential to ease, pleasure, and happiness. Why is the letter K like a pig's tail? Because it is the end of pork. When may the letter A be looked on as , dead letter? When it is in death. When is the letter U most flurried? IVBen it is in confusion. Why is the letter U the jolliest letter in he alphabet? Because it is always in fiitl -v kUU( A clever hit was made at Albany the ther day, in a passage-at-arms between he attorneys who were advocating before k committee the claims of the Broadway ailroad bill, and thctoa of the stage interest, which figures in opposition. , The atorney foy the latterfiiav matij acreat lourish of " facte any figures"- If iTbtraiii ? ?v- ^ >f vehement decbfibation, a gentleman >resent, who appears for the other side, emarked : " The gentleman seems to bink with Shakspeare that'All the world'A . " I slur/*,' and that his clients own a majoriy of the stock." "The point was well aken," as the parliamentary phrase is, and aiscd a shout of laughter. A certain lady conceived a violent atachment for Robert Leighton. She was lot without charms, and she showed them >ff in his presence most dexterously. She vjis very constant in her attentions to the irelibisiiop, very much interested in his liscourses, and in his work, and made hiin nany handsome presents. As he seemed, lowever, to be indifferent in the matter, ind her prospects of success not particularly bright, she, one day, in the ardor of ler passion, said to him: "Mr. Leighoil, what do you think ? I have dreamed n liree successive nights that you and I were narried !" His cool, philosophic answer vas : " When, dear madam, I dream so 09, we undoubtedly shall be married." ' Neighbor Smith had a party at his resilence a few evenings since, and the " dear , x>y " Charles, a five year old, was favored vitli permission to he seen in the parlor. 'Pa" is sonfcwhat proud of the boy. Charles was elaborately got up for the occasion. Among other extras, the littlo 4 iellow's hair was treated to a liberal supply )f Eau de Cologne, to liis huge gratiiica;ion. He entered the parlor, and surireviug himself as be made liis bow to the * ladies and gentlemen, " Look here," said p re, proudly, "if any of you smells a smell, that's me." The effect was decided, md Charles became the hero of the evening. I ' The Edinburgh Review enumerates the lumber of words in the English language icqnired in childhood at one hundred, ind this by an imitative process which ivaxes less active as the child becomes an ulult. If he does not belong to the educated classes of society, he will at no period acquire more than three hundred ir tlu-oe hundred and fifty. Upon a stock 4 >f twice that amount he may mix with ^ J icarned men and even write a book; and 1 this when our entire vocabulary contains thirty-five thousand words. A corporal in a West Virginia regiment ! fl sveut homo on "furlough," and at its ex- I H piration applied for an extension in this I styled fl *" My dear Commander, it is with pleas iu*e Takes mv pen in hand to inform you that I am a taken of the Mumps, and tiope these few lines will find you enjoying the same blessing; but if there are lauger or if you think there ar Report to me at Buckanuoh and I am at your command my dear Commander, Mumps or no Mumps." The N. Y. Sunday Times thus speaks of the wonderful attraction of dissimilarities that we see every day: " Tall men usually marry little women; a frivolous prattler of . small talk wili select a husband of sense f\ md taciturnity j a man. who could hardly distinguish between $filf strains of a (le ad march anil the jerky semiquavers of ' Yan- p1 kee Doodle,' is captivated by the piano * performances of some amateur imitator of kthe tinkled brass-wire sweetness of operatic arias long drawn out; and the rogue * who regards honesty as akin to insanity, links himself to a girl who is us pious ua / C>pUeli?," f