Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, September 01, 1903, Image 1
YORKVILLE ENQUIRER.
XiSUBD SEMI-WEEKLY.
l. m. grist's sous, F?bii.hers. } % .Jfamilg gewsgajer: Jfor thc promotion sj[ the political, Social, Agricultural, and ?smra?trial Interests of the feojle. { ikemLo??Sofy* ms oK??fllcg'
ESTABLISHED 1855. YORKVILLE, S. C., TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 1903. NO. 70.
By WILL N. HA
Copyright, 1902, by Harper Bros. All r
CHAPTER XIX.
[mlHAT afternoon the breeae
|1| swerved round from the
HMB south, bringing vague threats
of rain. About S o'clock Alan,
bis uncle and bis mother and father
were out in the front yard looking at
the bouse with a view to making some
alterations that had been talked of for
several years past
"I never bad my way in anything before."
Mrs. Blsbop was running on in
the pleased voice of a happy child,
"an* I'm glad you are goln' to let me
this once. I want the new room to jnt
out on this side from the parlor an'
have a bay window, an' we must cut
a wide foldin' door between the two
rooms. Then the old veranda comes
down, an' the new one must have a
double door, like Colonel Sprague's on
the river, except ours will have round,
white columns Instead o' square, If
they do cost a trifle more."
"She knows what she wants," said
Bishop, with one of his infrequent
smiles, "an' I reckon we'd save a little
to let her boss the job ef abe don't
hender the carpenters by too much
talk. I don't want 'em to put in a stick
v o* lumber that ain't the best."
"I'm glad she's going to have her
way," said Alan. "She's wanted a better
house for twenty years, and she
deserves it"
"I don't believe in sech fine feathers,"
said Bishop argumeutatively. "I'd
o loatla i-ntllOP nrqtt- till wo BOO whothpr
Wilson's a-goin' to put that road
through. Then we could afford to put
on a dab or two o' style. I don't know
but I'd move down to Atlanta an' live
alongside o' Bill, an' wear a clawhammer
coat an' a dickey cravat fer a
change."
"Then you mougbt run fer the legislator',"
spoke up Abner Daniel, who
had been an amused listener, "an' git
up a law to pen up mad dogs at the
dangerous part o' the yeer. Alf, I've
always thought you'd be a' ornament
to the giddy whirl down thar. William
was ever' bit as green as you are when
he fust struck the town. But he bad
the advantage o' growin' up an' sorter
rlpenin' with the place. It ud be hard
on you at yore time o' life."
At this juncture Alan called their attention
to a horseman far down the
road. "It looks like Ray Miller's mare."
he remarked. "This is one of his busy
days. He can't be coming to fish."
, ? "Railroad news,*' suggested Abner.
"It's a pity you hain't connected by
telegraph."
They were all now sure that It was
Miller, and with uo little curiosity they
moved nearer the gate.
"By gum, he's been givln' his mare
the lash," said Abner. "She's fairly
klvered with froth."
"Hello, young man!" Alan called out
as Miller dismounted at a hitching poet
Just outside the fence and fastened his ;
Dnaie rem. "uiau 10 see you. tuuie
In."
Miller bowed and smiled as be opened
the gate and came forward to shake
hands.
"We are certainly glad you came,
Mr. Miller," said Mrs. Bishop, with all
her quaint cordiality. "Ever since that
day in the office I've wanted a chance
to show you how much we appreciate
. what you done fer us. Brother Ab will
bear me out when I say we speak of
it mighty nigh ever* day."
Miller wore an inexpressible look of
embarrassment, which he tried to lose
In the act of shaking hands all round
the group, but his platitudes fell to the
ground. Abner, the closest observer
"You must stay to curly supper anyway,
Mr. Miller."
among them. already had his brows
drawn together as he pondered Miller's
? unwonted lack of ease.
"Bring any fishing tackle?" asked
Alan.
"Xo. I didn't." said the lawyer, jerking
himself to that subject awkwardly.
"The truth is. I only run out for a little
ride. I've got to get back."
"Then it is business, as orotner ad
said," put in Mrs. Bisbop tentatively.
Miller lowered his eyes to the ground
^ and then raised them to Alan's face.
"Yes. It's railroad business," said Abner,
bis voice vibrant with suspense.
PRT? 'W Author of
, "Westerfelt."
Ights reserved.
"And It's not favorable," said Alan
bravely. "I can see that by your
looks."
Miller glanced at his mare and lashed
the leg of his top boots with his riding
whip. "No; I have bad news, but
lfs not about the railroad. 1 could
have written, but I thought I'd better
come myself."
"Adele.'" gasped Mrs. Bishop. "You
have heard"?
"No; she's well," said Miller. "It's
about the money you put In Craig's
bank."
"What about that?" burst from old
Bishop'9 startled lips.
"Craig claims Winship has absconded
with all the cash. The bank has
failed."
"railed!" The word was a moan
from Bishop, and for a moment no one
spoke. A negro woman at the wash ,
place behind the bouse was using a
batting stick on some clothing, and the
dull blows came to them distinctly.
"Is that so. Ray?" asked Alan, calm
but pale to the lips.
"I'm sorry to say It Is."
"Can anything at all be done?"
"I've done everything possible already.
We have been telegraphing the
Atlanta E>ollce all morning about trae- '
lng Winship, but they don't seem much
Interested. They think he's bad too
big a start on us You see, he's been
gone two days and nights. Craig says
R/v i a vrlcilf irt t?nl q _
lie LUUUg/JL UC tt uo VU a * ion, c*r ivm?tires
till be discovered the loss last
night." ;i
"It simply spells ruin, old man." said
A-lan grimly. "I can see that"
Miller said nothing for a minute, then:
"It's just as bad as It could be, my
boy," he said. "I see no reason to
raise false hopes. There is a strong
feeling against Craig and no little suspicion
owing to the report that he has
been speculating heavily, but he has |
thrown himself on the protection of
his church, and even some of his fellow
members, who lose considerably. I
are standing by him."
Here o3d Bishop, with compressed i
lips, turned and walked unsteadily in- <
to the house. With head banging low
and eyes dashing strangely, ills wife i
followed him. At the steps she paused,
her sense of hospitality transcending i
her despair. "You must stay to early i
supper anyway, Mr. Miller," she said.
"You could ride back in the cool o' the ;
nvnnlntf "
>.<VU4..e.
"Thank you, but I must hurry right i
back, Mrs. Bishop." Miller said. I
"And Dolly?does she know?" asked
Alan, when his mother had disappeared
and Abuer had walked to the I
hitching post and stood as if thought- I
fully inspecting Miller's mare. Miller ]
told him of their conversation that
morning, and Alan's face grew tender
and more re&lgned.
"She's a brick!" said Miller. "She's
a woman X now believe In thoroughly?
he and one other." i
"Then there is another?" asked Alan
almost cheerfully, as an effect of the ,
good news that had accompanied the i
bud.
"Yes. I see things somewhat differ- i
ently of late." admitted Miller in an
evasive, noncommittal tone. "Dolly
Barclay opened my eyes, and when
they were open I saw?well, the good
qualities of some one else. I may tell
you about her some day, but I shall
not now. Get your horse and come to
town with me. We must be ready for
any emergency."
Abuer Daniel came toward them. "1
don't want to barm nobody's character."
he said, "but whar my own kin is
is concerned I'm up an' wide awake.
I don't know what you think, but 1
hain't got a speck o' faith in Craig
hisse'f. He done me a low, sneakin'
trick once that 1 ketched up with. He
swore it wus a mistake, but it wasn't
He's a bud egg?you mind what 1 say;
he won't do."
"It may be as you say, Mr. Daniel,"
returned Miller, with a lawyer's reserve
on a point unsubstantiated by
evidence, "but even if be has the'mon
ey hidden away, how are we to get It
from himY"
"I'd find a way," retorted Daniel
hotly, "so I would."
"We'll do all we can," said Miller.
Daniel strode Into the house, and
Alan went after his horse. Miller stood
at the gate, idly tapping his boot with
his whip.
"Poor Mrs. Bishop," he said, his eyes
on the house. "How very much she
resembled Adele just now, and she is
bearing it just like the little girl would.
I reckon they'll write her the bad
news. I wish I was there to?soften
the blow. It will wring her heart."
That evening after supper the family
remained till bedtime in the big. bare
looking dining room, the clean, polished
floors of which gleamed In the light ol
a little fire in the big chimney. Bishop's
chair was tilted back against the
wall in a dark corner, and Mrs. Bishop
sat knitting mechanically. Abuer was
reading?or trying to read?a weekly
paper at the end of the dining table,
aided by a dimly burning glass lamp.
Aunt Maria had removed the dishes
and with no little splash and clatter
was washing them in the adjoining
Kitcneu.
Suddenly Abner laid down bis paper
and begun to try to cousole them for
their loss. Mrs. Bishop listened patiently,
but Bishop sat In the very coma
of despair, unconscious of what
was going on arouud him.
"What's the use o' talkin' about it?"
he said impatiently. "What's the use
o' anything?"
He rose and moved toward the door
leading to his room.
"Alfred," Mrs. Bishop called to him,
"are you goln' to bed without holdlu'
prayer?"
"I'm goln' to omit It tonight," he
said. "I don't feel well one bit Besides,
I reckon each pusson kin pray
In private according to the way they
feeL"
Abner stood up, and, removing the
lamp chimney, be lighted a candle by
the flame.*
"I tried to put a moral lesson in what
I said just now," he smiled mechanically,
"but I missed fire. Airs sufferin'
is jest unselfishness puore an' undefiled.
He wants to set bis children up
in the world. This green globe is a
sight better 'n some folks thinks It is.
You kin find a little speck o' goody in
mighty nigh ever' chestnut"
"That's so. Brother Ab," said his sister,
"but we are ruined now?ruined,
ruined!"
"Ef you will look at It that way," admitted
Abner, reaching for his candle;
"but thar's a place ahead whar thar
never was a bank or a dollar or a railroad,
an' it ain't fur ahead nuther.
Some folks say It begins heer in this
life."
CHAPTER XX.
Abner Daniel leaned over the
rail fence in front of Pole Baaer'a
log cabin one balmy day
iggffsj two weeks later he saw evidences
of the ex-moonshiner's thriftlessness
combined with an inordinate
love for Ids children. A little express
wagon, painted red, such as city children
receive from their well to do parents
od Christmas, was going to ruin
under a cherry tree which had been
bent to the ground by a rope swing
fastened to one of its flexible boughs.
The body of a mechanical speaking
doll lay near by and the remains of a
toy air rifle. After a protracted spree '
Pole usually came home laden down
nrlth Biirh npflpp nflfArlnps tr? his fflmilv
and conscience. His wife might go 1
without a "heeded gown and he a coat,
but bis children never without toys.
Seeing Abner at the fence, Mrs. Baker !
came to the low door and stood bending
her head to look out.
"I heerd at home," said Abner, "that
Pole was over tbar axin' f?r me. I've
been away to my peach orchard on the
hill." ;
"Yes; he's been over thar twice," said J
the woman. "He's back of the house (
lome'r's settin' a trap fer the children (
to ketch some birds-in. I'll blow the
horn. When I blow twice, he knows (
he's wanted right off."
She took down a cow's horn from a
nail on the wall, and, going to the door
on the opposite side of the house, she
gave two long, ringing blasts, which
set half a dozen dogs near by and some
far off to barking mellowly. In a few
minutes Pole appeared around the corner
of the cabin.
"Hello, Uncle Ab," he said. "Won't
you come in?"
"No; hain't time," smiled the old
man. "I Jest coine over to see how
much money you wanted to borrow."
"I don't want any o* yo'rn," said
Pole, leaning over the fence, his unbuttoned
shirt sleeves allowing his
brawny, bare arms to rest on the top
rnll "I wnnted to talk to VOU about
Alan an' that bank bu'st up."
"You've been to town, I heer," said
Abner, deeply Interested.'
"Yes, an' I've been with Alan an'
Miller fer the last week tryln' to do
some'n', but we couldn't. They've been
lendin' telegrams by the basketful, an'
Jeff Dukes has trotted his legs off back
an' forth, but nothin' hain't been done."
"You say the' hain't?" Abner's voice
quivered and fell.
"No. They both kept up the'r sperlts
purty well fer about ten days beca'se
that dang Atlanta chief of police kept
wirin' he was on a scent o' Winship,
but day before yesterday they give in.
We was a-settln' in Miller's office when
the last message come from Atlanta.
They said they'd been after the wrong
man an' that they'd give up. lou ort
'a' seed Alan's face. Miller tried to
cheer 'lm up, but it wasn't no go. Then
who do you think come? Alan's sweet- '
heart. She axed to see Mm. an* they 1
talked awhile in the front room. Then (
Miller come back an' said she'd axed 1
to be introduced to me. Jest think of 1
it! I went in an' seed she'd been a-cry- 1
In'. She got up, by Jinks, an' ketched
my baud an* said she wanted to thank
me beca'se I'd been sech a friend to 1
Alan! Uncle Ab, I felt as mean as a
egg sackln' dog, beca'se thar was Alan i
flat o' his back, as the feller said, an' I
hadn't turned a hand to he'p 'lm. An' 1
thar she was, the gal he loves an'
wants, an' 'is poverty standin' betwixt
'em. I couldn't say nothln', an' I reck- <
on I looked more kinds of a durn fool
than she ever seed on two legs."
"Well, what did you do?" asked Abner,
too much moved by Pole's graphic 1
picture to speak with his usual light i
ness.
"What did I do? I made my bow 1
an' slid. I made a beellne fer Murray's 1
bar an' put two down as fast as they
could shovel 'em out. Then I tuck an- 1
other, an' quit countin'. I begun to
think I owned the shebang an' broke
several billiard cues an' throwed the
chalk around. Then Dukes come an'
said he'd give me a chance to escape
trial fer misconduct ef I'd straddle 1
my hoss an' make fer home. I agreed,
but thar was one thing I had to do
fust. 1 had promised Alan not to
drink any more, an' so I didn't want
to sneak away to hide it. I went to
Miller's house, whar he's stayin', an'
called 'iin out. I told 'im I'd jest come
fer no other reason 'an to let 'im see 1
me at my wust. i reit nice it was me '
only manly way, after I'd broke faitb
with a friend as true as he is."
"Too bad!" sighed Abner. "I'll bet
it hurt Alan to see you in that tlx."
"Well, he didn't complain," said Pole.
"But be put his arm around me an' ,
come as nigh cryin' as I ever seed a ,
strong man. 'It's my fault, Pole,' ses
he. 'I can see that.' Then him an' ,
Miller both tried to git me to go upstairs
in that fine house an' go to bed i
an' sleep it off, but I wouldn't I
come ou home an' got mad at Sally fer 1
talkin' to me an1 come nigh as peas j
hlttlnr 'er fn the Jaw. But fBars over,
Uncle Ab. What I'm In fer now la
work. I ain't no fool. I'm on a still hunt,
an' I Jest want yore private
opinion. I don't want you to commit
yorese'f unless you want to, but I'd ^
go more on yore Jedgment than any
man's in this county. I want to know
ef you think old Craig is a honest man
at heart. Now don't say you don't c
know an' keep yore mouth shet, fer c
what I want to know, an' all I want to 11
know, is how you feel about that one e
thing." t
Abner hung bis head down. His r
long thumb trembled as its nail went
under a splinter on the rail and pried b
it off. v
"I see what you are a-drlvln' at" he a
said. "You Jest want to feel shore o' *
yore ground." Abner began to chew t
the splinter and spit out the broken f
bits. He was silent, under Pole's anxious
gaze, for a minute, and then be r,
laughed dryly. "1 reckon me 'n' you 1
has about the same suspicions," be
said. "That p'int's been worryin' me t
fer several days, an' I didn't let it end
tbar nuther." . h
"Ah, you didn't?" exclaimed Baker. *
"You say you didn't. Uncle Ab?"
"No: 1 got so I couldn't lie down at f
night without the idea poppln' Into v
my head that maybe Craig bad made t
a tool of YVlnshlp fer some minor crime
an' had hustled 'im out o' the country e
so he could gobble up what was in the 1
bank an' pose as a injured man in the t
community." \
"Same beer, pine blank!" said Pole 1<
eagerly. "What did you do, Uncle r
Ab?" v
"Jest satisfied myself that Alan's *
... .. Vi
money?or som*) or it?wasn r out o
ureation, that's nil."
"I have my reasons fer bellevlu' like v
rou do," said Pole. t
"You say you have." Pole
glanced furtively over his shoul- 1
3er at his cabin to see that no one was *
within hearing, then said:
"You know Winship is old Fred Par- s
son's nephew. Well, old Fred's always
been a staucb friend to me. We moonshiued
it together two yjer, though y
tie never knowed my chief hidin' place, a
in fact, nobody knows about that spot, s
Uncle Ab. even-now. Well, I had a a
talk with 'ini an' axed his opinion a
ibout his nephew. He talks as straight t
is a shingle, an' he ain't no idiot. He r
says it's all bosh about Winship takin' r
iwa.v all that boodle."
"He does, doeu he?" Abner nodded, fc
is if to himself. r
"Yes. an' he don't claim Winship li
ain't guilty, nuther. He jest holds a
'*/ wouldn't do nothin' foolhardy," he c
said.
t
that he waB too small a dabbler In v
devilment. He thinks, as I do, that
Craig run 'im off with threats of arrest
an' picked that chance to bu'st. He ^
thinks Winship's in a safe place an' t
never will be fetched back."
Abner drew himself up straight.
"Have you talked to Alan an' Miller c
on that line?"
"Tried to," grunted Pole In high disgust,
"but Miller says it's no good to
think of accusin' Craig. He says we c
can't prove a thing on 'im unless we
ketch Wlnshlp. He says that sort of
a steal Is the easiest thing on earth
an' that it's done every day. But that's
beca'se he was fetched up in the law,"
Pole finished. "We uns out beer in
rMAuntninu tin fish iin nthpr wnvfi
IUU UlVUlUUluu MWM U^ .. M(, .
o' fetchin' a scamp to time without 1
standln' 'im op before a thick headed a
jury or lettln' 'im out on bond till he v
dies o' old age. You've got sense s
enough to know that, Uncle Ab."
The slanting rays of the setting sun v
Btruck the old man in the face. There
was a tinkle of cow bells In the pasture x
below the cabin. The outlaw in Pole v
Baker was a thing Abner Daniel deplored,
and yet today it was a straw d
bobbing about on the troubled waters a
of the old man's soul toward which, if ?
he did not extend his hand, he looked e
Interestedly. A grim expression stole v
Into his face, drawing the merry lines
down toward bis chin. b
"I wouldn't ao uotnin rooiuuruy, <<
Pole." Abner looked into the fellow's P
face, drew a long, trembling breath a
and finished, "I wouldn't, but I'll be v
durned ef I know what I'd do!"
TO BE OONTINUED. f
?-__
The Ri'i.ino Passion.?The prospec- ''
tive heirs of the dying miser come silently
into his sick room. The physisian
is seated by the side of the pa- ''
tient, a finger on his pulse.
"How is our dear uncle today doctor?"
ask the prospective heirs.
"There Is small change in his condl- 1
tion," whispers the doctor.
At this the dying miser rouses him- j,
self by a supreme effort.
"Small change?" he gasps. "Put-itin-my-pocket!"
d
pisreltaneous fading.
LAMENT OF THE OLD CLOWN.
Ul Changed at the Circus But the Red
Lemonade.
Seated in the guests' section at the
Ircus here the other day, says a Maon,
Mo., letter, was a white-haired
nan who looked with disapproving
yes at the three rings and the platorm
and the network of ropes and
ods overhead.
The clowns came in and his eyes
irightened. The Jesters were made up
veil and were lively. They jumped
.round and yelled "Ah-ha!" and "Ya100!"
right lustily, but never did anyhing
else. The old man's countenance
ell.
?? ViA
Aliu wir.v can iiiriu ciu nno. n?
fluttered In disgust. "The clowns of
90?! Ye gods!"
He reached for his hat and started
o rise.
"Don't go," said the usher, laying a
land on his arm. "The best part of
he show's to come yet."
"But you haven't any clowns, my
rlend, and a circus without clowns Is
k-orse than a banquet without chamlaarne."
But he resumed his seat and watchd
listlessly. It was a good circus,
^here was something doing In the
hree rings the entire evening. There
vas the wonderful bicycle feat on the
oop, a striking performance by two
pen and two women on the slack'
rlre* the leap for life from a high
rapeze. and a hundred other features,
lut never a Joke from the clowns,
tnd In the eyes of the old man this
ms enough to damn the best circus
hat ever toured the country.
The venerable critic was H. H. Wlllamson.
As Dan Rice's clown he got
200 a month for making people laugh.
"I well remember Rice's first In
tructlon to me," said Mr. wiiiiamson.
When I entered hla employ aa Jester
ie said: 'When you enter the ring
ou want to be as limber as possible
nd be able to fall down upon the
lightest provocation. If you can't see
.nything else to stumble over, fall over
. straw. Then pick the straw up with
10th hands and hurT It outside of the
Ing as If you were handling a fence
ail.'
" 'Pay no attention to the audience,
iut give It all to the ringmaster. Renember
that the ability to make people
augh is more a matter of magnetism
nd facial expression than the words
ou use. I have seen clowns that
ould keep the audience in an uproar
without ever opening their mouths.'
"Dan Rice's popularity was occaioned
as much by his generosity as
ils ability as a showman. Once we
rere showing at Mankato, Minn. He
ras outside the round top and noticed
. great crowd of little girls and boys
DokinRr wistfully toward the entrance.
"He asked them why they didn't go
n. They told him they didn't have
,ny money, whereupon Dan made
hem form into a double column and
hey marched Into the ring with Dan
trutting proudly at the head.
"When he entered the ring he formed
he children in a circle around the cenre
pole and Introduced them to the
udlence as his own. There were
.bout 200 of them, and the statement
xclted a great deal of laughter.
"Then he went out of the tent and
;ot a half bushel of mixed candles,
rhlch he distributed among the deIghted
youngsters. He then ordered
hem to take seats close to the ring,
rhere they could see the whole perormance.
The story, of course, was
old all around town, and that night
he tent couldn't hold half of the peoile
that clamored for admittance.
"Rice was always getting off some
lersonal hit that would convulse the
udlence with laughter. In the counry
districts It was a frequent thing to
ee a young man sitting on one of the
op seats with his arm around the
rnist of the girl who accompanied him.
"When Dan's eagle eye would light
ipon a couple of this sort, he would
lave this dailogue with the ringmaser:
" 'Mr. Smith, do you know who I'd
ather be than president of the United
States ?'
" wny, no. i canno; conceive ui an;
nan so fortunate as to be better off
han the president of the United
States.'
" 'Well,' said Dan, 'there Is a man
ight here In this crowd whom I envy
ar more than I do the president of the
Tnited States.'
'"Impossible! Who can it be?'
"Then Dan would walk briskly to the
ingside, his wicked eyes peering In
.niong the spectators and then he
ioul 1 suddenly say, pointing his finger
o directly at the unfortunate lovers
hat there could be no mistake as to
?hom he meant:
" 'I'd rather be that young man up
here with his arm around that girl's
raist than be president.'
"Of course this would always bring
own a tremendous roar of laughter
nd the victims would hurriedly disen:age
themselves and move as far from
ach otner as possiDie. men uan
i"ould say, soothingly:
" "That's all right, son, put your arm
ark where it belongs and we won't say
ny more about it. I had no idea these
leople would be so impolite as to laugh
bout it or I never would have said a
lord.'
"Here is one of my jokes that never
ailed to create an outburst of laughter.
rush up to the ringmaster, crying as
f my heart would break. He asks me:
" 'What on earth are you howling
hat way about, Mr. Coghlin? You act
ike you had lost every friend on
arth.'
"Between my sobs I answered him:"
'You'd cry too if you had been
reated like I had.'
" "Come, sir, tell what your trouble
3 and maybe I can help you.'
" 'Down on the Sante Fe road yesteray
there was an awful head-on col
llslon between two trains that were
trying to pass on the same track, and
every man, woman and child on both I
trains was instantly killed.' And then
I cried dismally.
" 'Well,' says the ringmaster. 'I F
don't see anything In that to make you t
blubber like a baby. You didn't have j]
any kinfolks on the train, did you?" 3
" 'No that's what's the matter with
me. My mother-in-law had a ticket to j,
go on one of those trains, but got to q
the depot too late and missed It.' ti
"Here is another of our srajrs that n
used to excite some mirth. The other -j
jester, the ringmaster and myself entered
into an agreement after a deal of r
parleying that the one who asks a t
question he cannot answer has to set
'em up. The dialogue runs this way: J
First Jester?Did you know, fellows, t
that whenever a squirrel digs his hole
he always begins at the back end a
and
Ringmaster?What nonsense! How i
on earth could the little animal begin a
down In the ground and then work out?
First Jester?That's your question, I
is it? Well, we give it up. How does t
he do it? v
"Of course, the ringmaster can't an- t
swer It, and he pays the forfeit amid a
the yells of the crowd. 1
"You know the ringmasters always a
snap their-whips at the clowns and
pretend to hit them hard licks. Well, c
amaa iif a hn/1 a rinrr m naiar nrVin nnt
U1IV.C rr c uau a i ni^niaaici "iiv uv V
only pretended to strike me with his o
whip, but did so actually and raised
great black and blue marks on my f
back. The ringmaster had an uncle in
one of the northern cities who had contracted
some heavy obligations with s
friends and shielded himself behind the
bankruptcy act. 'Most everybody in
that town knew of the transaction a
and was down on him. s
"When we reached that place I made F
up my mind to get even with the c
ringmaster for the slashing he had a
given me and to make him a party to 1;
his own discomfiture. He never knew e
what was coming. You know the ring- c
master never gets up the Jokes; he o
simply follows the lead the clown gives v
him. His part is easy and can be per- 8
formed without pervious study. t
"Well, I came into the ring as usual a
that evenipg and began with that gag v
which is old now, but was new then:
" 'Say Mr. Smith, did you ever see *
me jump?'
" 'No, I never saw you jump. How c
high can you Jump?' t
" 'Why, I can jump as high as that f
200-foot centre pole."
"'Impossible!' says the ringmaster, f
'I'll bet you $10 to 6 cents you can't.' y
"We put up our money in the hands v
of a super and then I Jumped a little
ordinary foot and a half or two-foot 1umn.
The ringmaster eleefullv de- i
manded his money, but I told him to d
hold on until we saw how high the r
pole could jump. Then I added this, *
and the ringmaster couldn't evade the
trap. *
"'Mr. Smith, did you ever hear a
about me Jumping with your uncle?'
"'Why, no; did you ever jump with t
my uncle?' 1
"'Yes, I did that.'
" 'How far did yo J jump?' 0
" 'Oh, I jumped 8ft feet on the level.' t
"He hesitated before the next ques- t
tlon. I think he had an inkling of U
what was coming, but he dared not
stop right there so he asked. a
" 'And how far did my uncle Jump?'
" 'Well, sir, he made one of the o
mightiest jumps you ever saw In all
your life and landed $15,000 in debt, h
but I have never heard whether he P
Jumped out again or not.' a
"Many of the victims of the ringmaster's
uncle were in the audience, o
and they led the cheering, which last- a
ed fully fifteen minutes. It was my
only way to get even, and you may
imagine how well I enjoyed the ringmaster's
chagrin. That joke came into
general use afterward as part of the
jester's stock.
When the sllbw was over the old S
clown and his friend passed out
through the main exit and gazed
around at the flaring oil lights. A h
steel-lunged young man with a prize ^
fighter face was shouting the virtues of t
red lemonade at "two-fer-flve." a
"Let's take something," said the ex- c
clown. t
Two schooners of red lemonade were r
put-out of sight and he laid down a j.
quarter. After waiting a while he ^
mildly asked for his change. c
"Change nothing!" growled the r
tough-looking lemonade merchant. >]
"'Spect to get a barrel for a nickel?" fl
The friend saw the trick and would 0
have remonstrated, but the ancient <;
jester took him by the arm and led
him on.
"No," he said, "let's not quarrel with 0
him. That's just the way they did in F
my day. It's about the only thing f
that hasn't changed." *1
,
Rrwards for Lost Property.? v
"More lost and stolen articles would t
be recovered if the losers would adopt ^
different methods In advertising for t<
their property," said a headquarters
detective the other day. "Of course a
honest persons do not haggle over the v
remuneration for returning a locket, 0
a log or anything else. But every one tl
is not built along those lines. It may c
sound very nice to say, 'Liberal reward S
if returned to owner;' but there are
rllffoi'/inf Moao nf lihppfllitv. T'hp Slim
usually dwindles in the mind of the .
owner when he sees his property before
him, and no one knows this bet- ^
ter than the finder. '
"It is far more effective to set forth ?
a
a given sum in the advertisement. Five Q
or twenty-five dollars means more than
a vague promise to be generous. Of g
course there are cases when it is not f
wise to be too explicit, but in nine J
cases out of ten a stated sum will
bring better results than an indefinite t(
offer. This is nearly always true with
watches with the owner's monogram tj
engraved on the case, as the pawnbroker
refuses to loan so much on articles
so easily Identified."?New York v
Press. G
SOME ^BJLL ARP 8TOUIE8.
ili Perkins Gives 8ketch of :ho Groat
Humorist
In the "Kings of Platform and Pulilt,"
Eli . Perkins writes the following
ireesy introduction, rehears ng some
nteresting stories of Bill Arp in preen
ting one of his lectures:
The whole life of Bill Arp has been
tumorous and no man will scop work
[Ulcker and more cheerfully tlian he to
tear a good joke. When I a iked him
me day if he really ever killed many
rankees, he said:
"well, i don't want to doe at about
nyself, but I killed about as many or
hem aa they did of me."
Speaking of pensions one day, Mr.
trp said every Yankee soldier ought
0 have a pension.
"But they were not a^l injured In the
irmy, were they?" I tusked.
"Yes^ they all did so much hard lyng
about us poor rebels that they
itralned their consciences."
Bill Arp tells of an occurrence in
few York when he came here to lecure
In Chickerlng hall. He said he
vas standing on the steps of the Astor
rouse one afternoon with a frit nd when ' v
1 man with a decidedly military bearnb
hobbled up. He greeted my friend
a he passed.
"That's a fine soldierly looking
hap," I said.
"Yes; he's a veteran?Colonel Jones,
if the G. A. R."
"Did he lose his leg on ti e battle
leld?"
"Yes, at Gettysburg."
"Ah! Repelling Pickett's (barge, I
uppose."
"No; a monument fell on It"
They tell this story in Rome, Ga.,
.bout the major. They say tint In the
ummer of 1863 Bill Arp won in the
Uchmond hospital. The hospital was
rowded witn sick and dying soldiers,
nd the Richmond ladies visited it daly.
carrying with them delMcticles of
very kind, and did all they :ould to
heer and comfort the suffering. On
ne occasion a pretty miss oi sixteen
vas distributing flowers and upeaking
;entle words of encourigetient to
hose around her, when she overheard
i soldier exclaim, "Oh, my Lord!" It
r&L Bill Arp.
Stepping to his bedside to rebuke
itm for his profanity, she re narked:
Didn't I hear you call upon tie name
>f the Lord? I am one of his daugtiers.
Is there anything I can iskHim
or you?"
Looking up into her bright, sweet
ace, Bill replied: "I don't know but
'ou could do something for one if I
wasn't married."
"Well," said she, "what is it V
Raising his eyes to her and extendng
his hand, he said: "As you are a
laughter of the Lord, if I wasn't marled,
Td get. you to ask Hlir if He
wouldn't make me His son-in-law."
\To <nr AnHrfiura a VnnlfOA f>finffllfl.
vaa telling some jolly rebs in Georgia
bout his experience at Bull Run.
"The only time that I eve:' really
elt ashamed In my life was In that
lull Run battle," said the major.
My horse fell under me, and I was
bilged to ride an army mule during
he rest of the engagement, and he
Inally carried me clear into tlie rebel
Ines."
"Yes, I remember the incident well," /
aid Bill Arp, who was standing by, ^
I found that mule with a U. ?. brand U)
m him the next day after the battle."
"You did, really?" said the major,
lardly expecting to be corroboiated so
iromptly. "Where did you fine him?"
sked the major.
Bill^saw that there was no doar wide
pen as he replied, "Stone dead behind
rail fence."
"Shot?"
"No; mortification."
AGAIN8T THE LAW.
Senator Tillman Liable to a lrine of
*1,000 to *5,000.
The Raleigh News and O jserver
lolds that Senator Tillman, because of
its free use of deadhead privileges in
he way of free passes on the w ilroads
nd free franks from the telegraph
ompany, and free transportation from
he express companies, is "no wirse or
io better than his colleagues." That
3 a generous view to take of the mater,
but It Is not a correct view, as our .
ontemporary must admit if It will only
ecall the fact that it was S Senator
oilman himself who made thi fight
gainst the use of free passes ay any
fficer of the state government In South
Carolina.
The News and Observer sayj:
Tiilmon oaira fhof m.>mhprs
ocnaiui XiiJJiiaii OW/W ... .....
f congress are 'loaded down wl:h free
asses.' The lnter-state commence act
orbids free passes under a penalty of
not less than $1,000 and not more than
5,000.' The North Carolina statutes,
rhlch our courts enforce, Is a verbaIm
copy of the United States statutes.
Vhy Is It that no federal district atorney
tukes steps to enforce the Unled
States law? Do Federal fudges
nd district attorneys accept these faors?
Any member of congress, judge
r any other public officer who takes
hem violates his oath to obey the
onstitution and laws of the 'Jnlted
tates."?News and Courier.
An Excellent Rule.?"On coming
ito public office, I laid it down as a
ule of my conduct while I shoul 1 oonInue
In it to accept no present of any
ensible pecuniary value. A pamphlet,
new book or an article of new curisity
have produced no hesitation, beause
below suspicion. But things of
ensible value, however innocently ofered
in the first examples, may grow
t length into abuse, for which Y wish
ot to furnish a precedent."?Jefferson
5 Samuel Hawkins in 1808.
Thomas Jefferson lived before the
I me of railroads and could not accept
pass, but it is presumed that his rule
rould have ruled out a railroad pass.?
ireenwood News and Views.
/'