^tumorous department. LOOKING AHEAD. The mayor of Louisville, upon meeting an old Negro, drew him aside, and in a voice by no means gentle, thus addressed him : "Randsom, I am going to have you arrested." "How come dat?" "Why, for having obtained money under false pretences." "I ain't done nothin' like dat, sah ; I 'clar to goodness I ain't." "Didn't you come to me yesterday and get $1 ?" "Yes, sah." "Well, but you trifling scoundrel, I saw your son on the street just now." "Hah ?" "You know what I said ?" "Yds, sah; yas but I didn't tell you de boy was dead, did I?" "Didn't tell me he was dead! You infernal old idiot; did you suppose I thought you were going to bury him alive ?" "No, sab." "Then what did you mean by saying that vou didn't tell me he was dead?" . "Now, jes hoi' on, sah ; jes wait a minit. Dat boy ain't been in good helf fur er laung time, an', dat I'd batter bury him sooner or later, w'y I 'lowed better raise de money durin' de busy season, when de folks wan't hard pressed. I'se mighty kine hearted dis way, sah, monstrous kine hearted, but er man don't git no credit in dis yere world o' sin fur bein' kine hearted. An' ergin, I'se er man dat doan blebe in puttin' off er thing that he knows has got to be done. Knows dat I'll hatter bury dat chile putty soon, an' yere you come an' wanter punish me fer takin' up de ercasion in time." "You old rascal, that boy is in excellent health." "Who, dat chile? You don't know dat chile like I does, sah. Dat boy suffers wid der gestion, but it's jest as I says, er hones' an' kine hearted man doan git no credit in dis yere sin cussed world." AMERICAN HUMOR. Thft disposition of Americans to ex x aggerate is especially prominent in what is known as American humor. A story associated with "picket-firing," during the Civil war, brings out this feature of national character : One day there was a truce between the two hostile picket lines. "Ho, Yank 1" called out a lank Mississippian, who bad just been posted. "Can you fellows shoot ?" "Wal, Johnny, I guess we can, some! Can you ?" "Shoot!" shouted back the Confed 6rate. "Why, down in Mississippi we knock a bumble bee off a thistle bow at 300 yards!" "0 that's nothing to the way we shoot up in Vermont! I belonged to a company up ther' of 100 men, and every week we used to go out to practice. The cap'n would draw us up in single file, and seta cider barrel rollin' down hill. Each man took a shot at the bung-hole as it turued up. "The barrel was then examined, and if there was a shot found that didn't go into the bung-hole, the man that fired it was expelled. I belonged to the company 10 years, and there ain't been nobody expelled yet." The exaggeration is often so pronounced as to eclipse the humor. A Californian, hearing a Brazillian tell of the wonderful fireflies of his country, so large and luminous that ladies wore them on their person enclosed in gauze, replied: "That's nothin'. Why, in Californy the fireflies are so large that they use them to cook by. They set the kettles on their hinder legs, which are bent for the purpose like pot hooks, and their bodies give out heat to boil potatoes." too fond of the luedictise.? - i see you have got that black bottle filled again !" remarks Mrs. Splatterby, the other day, as Splatterby was hunting around for the sugar. "Yes," replied Splatterby, "a little something is good to have about the house in case of sickness." "I don't think whisky is good," said Mrs. Splatterby. "And why isn't it, I would like to know?" asked Splatterby, with some" degree of feeling. '"Many of the most eminent physicians recommend it." "Well," said Mrs. Splatterby, with a composed cast of countenance, "if it is a good medicine, it don't agree with your system. I notice that you are never well while there is a drop of the stuff in the house." Couldn't Find It.?The wife of a wellknown citizen recently purchased a wheel and has been taking lessons at the rink. Her husband the other night went up to see her under course of instruction. She is a plump (I may say exceedingly plump) and pleasing person. Jtiubby noticed tnai ine instructor found it necessary to occasionally place bis arm about his spouse's waist, and, approaching the man he said: "Young man, don't you think it a little too fresh to put your arm around a lady's waist? Whir rtnn't. vrtn fnlrA tinlH r?f t,he sad die ?" The instructor looked helplessly at the rotund rider and exclaimed : "Great Scott, I can't find the saddle!" The Story.?A little girl came home from her grandmother's one day, with a very full account of an elegant lunch party that grandmamma was giving. Surprised that she had known nothing about it before, mamma made inquiries, only to find that no such party had taken place. Questioned in regard to her imaginative effort, Mabel answered plausibly : "Why, mamma, sometimes you make up 'tories to amoose me, and I thought I'd see if I couldn't make up a 'tory for you." Wapitlc ?atbfrings. This country uses up 30,000 aores of timber a day in one way and another. 8?" It is said that the American people spent $20,000,000 last year for chewing gum. ||&" Only 24 white elephants have been captured since the beginning of the Christian era. I?* Blame not others for your disappointments till you have sought for the blame in yourself. IS" "Will you name the bones of the | head?" "I've got'em all in. my head, professor; but I can't give them." j In Hamburg a dog is taxed according to bis size; a little tax fo I'll tell 'er to 'er face when I go ome?there, now! Why, I'll tell yer vbat, if yer want to know, 'er man ion't?" "There, there; that'll do," I said, lastily; "I don't want to know any,hing further. Go home, there's a ;ood woman, and, for goodness sake, lon't let me hear any more about it. ,'f you want any extra ratious for Christmas day, you can tell the storeceeper I sent you." She was evidently not satisfied, for she went away down the path mum ding something about falsehoods and vengeance I did not catch. It was orribly hot, and even in the shadow >f the veranda the thermometer stood it 116 degrees. When Cassie had interrupted me, I vas busy writing to the old folk at some ; and after she left, I narrated vhat bad passed as an amusing mcilent characteristic of Bush life. Then he storekeeper came in, sat on my able, and lit his pipe. When he actid in that fashion, it was always a lign that he had come to stay, so we tat talking of bygone days, mopping >ur faces, and wondering what was lappening 16,000 miles away. I renember he had just said : "Hold on, hough, we're feeding them with ;oose and plum-duff when tbey are ?nly just out of bed?we've forgotten he 9 hours' difference in time." To which I replied: "God bless hem ; and precious cold some of 'etn ire too, I'll be bound"?when from he yard rang the cry of "Fire 1" We dashed out; and there, sure snough, was the smoke of a huge bush ire, licking along the top of the thicky timbered ranges that separated us rom our back country. It appeared o be entering the gully in which stood he rival huts I have previously menioned. And as soon as Cassie saw his, she left the store and rushed to he bough shude, where her horse was landing. I followed her, crying: "Who are at the huts, girl?" "Only that woman and 'er kid," she inswered, seiziug her saddle. "Then where are the men ?" I asked. ?or I knew, as it was Christraus day, here would be no work doing. "Down at the Dingoe Creek grog hauty, and most like dead drunk by his; and that woman's lame, and 'er :id ain't weaned. I must go!" "Nonsense. Put that saddle down, ind let one of the men go. You cau lo no possible good !" "I can, I can. Don't stop me; here ain't uo time to wcste, I tell rer! What's the use of sendin'one if them ? I cau get there quicker nor uy of 'em." She wus in the saddle by this time; ,nd I, seeing it was impossible to stop U a nnl j ori/1 n All* 1CJ , uan ICl uun il CUO ^augio, auu uvn houted after her; "Take care of ourself, for God's sake, girl!" She had 14 miles to go, and the fire earcely six more. But she could mly travel as fast as her horse could ;allop ; while the fire was moving like ,n express train. Ten minutes later I was on the way vith men and beaters. Even at the listance we were from it we could eel the hot glow upon our faces. Lnd every moment it was closing in aster aud faster on the devoted huts, 'resently volumes of smoke began to oil over our heads; and we could listinctly hear the roar of the flames ind the falling of trees far ahead of is. Withiu half an hour we had arived at the point I was aiming for, md had commenced clearing a track, n order to direct the course of the fire owards a dry creek bed. It was Ireadful labor; but any one with half in eye could see that it was the only :hance of saving the wool-sheds and he home station. Every moment the leat was growing more intense, and >y the time our work was completed lad become almost unbearable. Cassie had been gone nearly three[uarters of an hour now. That she vould gallop her horse to death to get there in time, we knew ; but was the feat she had undertaken possible ? It was the uncertainty that made the suspense so awful. With the roaring fierceness of a million furnaces, the fire came closer, and already sparks were floating toward us. Then we heard a noise of horses galloping through the thick scrub timber; and presently, mad with terror, a mob came into view, tearing and racing for their lives. With them, in hopeless confusion, were sheep, kangaroos, wallabies, wild-dogs, and emus; while overhead, hawks, crows cockatoos, magpies, eagles, and all manner of birds, flew screeching before the hot blast. Our track by this time was broad and clear, and, if only the wind would drop or change, we might consider ourselves safe. Seeing that nothing else could be done, we mounted our terrified ani mals and rode down into the creek bed. Then there went up a shout; and at the same instaut, through the high grass, a maddened -and terrified horse, with a woman and child swaying to and fro upon jts back, thundered towards us. That it wasn't Cassie, we could tell, for this rider and child were tied on. Seeing the other horses in the creek, the poor beast leaped over the edge, and fell upon the soft sand at our feet. We rushed forward, secured it, and, as fast as we could, unbounded the precious freight. Needless to say, it was The Opposition and her child. Cassie must have traveled as fast as her horse could gallop to the Blackfellow's Well in the Ten-mile Paddock ; and then turned due east along the foot of the Ranges towards the gully where she lived. From the well to the huts she must have had the heat of the fire full in her face, for at the highest calculation the flames could not have been five miles in front of her. Then turning the hillside, she saw the huts below her. In three minutes she was beside i them, calling and shrieking to her . enemy to come forth and be saved. , The terrified woman, according to her 1 own account, had shut herself in'o the bark "humpy," for she knew it was worse than useless to trust to her lameness in the dried up scruh. As the dames appeared on the hilltop, . she saw through the window Cassie descending the track on the hillside ; ' then she lost sight of her until she < heard her name called and rushed j out. ( "Save me, save me, Cassie Quiu !" t she cried ?"save me and my little Em'ly. Take 'er, and I'll pray for ye [ and bless your name forever !" Cassie had by this time dismounted. "Come on, then?git on 'ere," she shouted. "But wait, where's some green hide? I'll have to tie yer on, < or yer'll let the kid drop?I know yer ' will. That's right now. Stick to 'er tight, and make for our 'ead station. Go on I Git 1" 1 "But you, you 1" screamed the J frightened woman as the horse plunged and snorted at the on-rushing flames? "there's no room for you. You'll be killed 1" "D'ye think I'm a baby, and don't : know how to take care of myself? f I'm all right. You git 1" ' As she spoke, she struck the horse savagely, and he bounded away, and the next moment bad disappeared down the track, the mother and child J rolling wildly in the saddle as they went. Then Cassie turned to the r gully and saw the approaching flames. Her sacrifice was complete. Death e was inevitable. She gave one glance round, found that her escape was cut off, and then rushed into her own hut f and shut the door. ? - - i That night, as soon as it were possi-1 j hie, we orgauized a search party and I went out to hunt for her. We had [ not far to look. We found her in her I own hut, which, hy some strange i chance, wus untouched, lying ou the floor quite dead?suffocated. On the back of the door, evidently scratched with a nail, were these words : "I sed J she wer a liar ; I'm sorie." I ROYALj Baking Powder { Absoloirefy Pure ' i ROYAL: Baking Powder Absoloftely P? re ROYAL[ Baking Powder l Absolotely l*ure i ARMY LIFE . i ON THE PLAINS Is depicted in most enter- ? taining style by tnat most jr popular of military novel- f ists, Capt. Charles King, a in our new serial FORT FRAYNE. i It is full of stirring scenes v and breezy incidents and a there is a military dash of style and narrative that will keep you interested. FORT FRAYNE Is even a better story than I "Dunraven Ranch," "The De- o serter" "An Army Portia" "A ^ Soldier's Secret," all of which t THE ENQUIRER has publish- J ed. You Should g WATCH FOR THE OPENING CHAPTERS. I AMERICA'S LmSoAmsmm Presenting Hah amj otffer [[[ { |] TZnfed Institution, ul 'igx ^SjW?petfte Md l r A reproduction Sim Au IIWU/7MlAQtti LI Vl\f; PICTURES! I 2 COMPLETE CIRCUSES! 2 SEPARATE MENAGERIES! 2 ROMAN HIPPODROMES! i THE HOST GLORIOUS, ELABORATE, ] GRAND FREE SI Ever seen. Containing more Grand Nev Horses, more Camels, more Elephants, moi Tableau cars, more bands of music, more at ;han any other show* possesses, Ubsidesa W< md Original Innovations, so much Grander ban any other possesses, that(op position pi Iream of attempting even the weakest imita ;iou of a New and Mighty Gala Day Process rHE GRANDEST, RICHEST, RAI BEHELD?DEFYING ALL MORNING AT I Complete Performances I Doors open 1 hour earlier* One Ticks as the Su BLACKSBURG, THUR! And to YORKVILLE, F CHEAP EXCURSIONS ( IHIO AIVEQ AID CHAHL?STOI R.fl. I rIME TABLE oftheOl^io River and < Charleston Railway company, to take iffect Monday, June 1,1896, a 7.40 a. m. STANDARD EASTERN TIME. oping south NO. 12. | I ieave Marion 2 00 pm ieave Rutherfordton.. 8 35 pm ieave Forest City 4 05 pra ieave Henrietta 4 80 pm ieave Mooresboro 4 45 pm .eave Shelby 6 00 pm ieave Patterson Springs.. 0 15 pm { .eave Earls 6 25 pm trrlveat Blacksburg 0 40 pm J No. 32. | No. 34. J I Dally i Monday I ! Except We'ns'd'y I . . ! Sunday. Friday. I ieave Shelby 7 40 am \ .eave Patterson Springs... 7 50 am { ieave Blacksburg 8 80 am 8 40 am ieave Smyrna 8 50 ami 9 05 am \ ieave Hickory Grove 9 05 am 9 25 am r ieave Sharon 9 20 am: 9 50 am ? ieave Yorkville 9 35 am 10 20 am i ieave Tlrzah 9 4" am 10 45 am t ieave Newport 9 51am 10 55 am t ieave Rock Hill 10 30 am 12 55 pm , ieave Leslies 10 42 am 1 15 pm j ieave Catawba Junction.. 10 51 am 2 00pm i ,eave Lancaster '. 11 17 pm 3 40 pm t ieave Kershaw 11 57 pm 5 25 pm . ixrlve at Camden 12 45 pm 6 45 pm " going KQRTir [""No". 33." | No735. I Dally 1 Tuesday I Except Thursday , Sundayx Saturday. c ieave Camden 115 pm] 8 00 am ? ,eave Kershaw *2 15 pm| 10 15 am J! eave Lancaster 2 55 pm! 1150 am t .eaveCatawba Junction 3 30 pm] 1 20am c .eave Leslies 3 38 pm! 140 am I eave Rock Hill 3 54 pm 4 00 pm ieave Newport 4 09 pm 4 20 pm ieave Tlrzah 4 15 pm 4 35 pm eave Yorkville 4 30 pm 5 00 pm ,eave Sharon 4 45 pm 5 30 pm ,eaveHickory Grove.... 5 00 pm 5 55pm ^ eave Smyrna 5 10 pm: 8 15 pm eave Blacksbure 5 30 pm 6 45 pro ,eave Patterson Springs.. 5 .50 pm ^ irrlve at Shelby 6 00 pm 1 No. 11. | J ,eave Hlacksburg 8 20 am ' >eave Earls 8 40 am I .eave Patterson Springs 8 50 am ? .eave Shelby ft 30 am v .eave Moorosboro 10 20 am li ,eave Henrietta 10 30 anv a ,eave Forest City 10 50 am ,eave Rutherfordton 11 20 am t Lirlve at Marlon 12 50 pra ll t Dinner. 9 CONNECTIONS. J No. 32 has connection with Southern fl tail way at Rock Hill. ii Nos. 34 and 35 will carry passengers. o Nos. 11 and 12 have connection at Marion nth Southern Railway. I At Roddeys, Old Point, King's Creek nd London, trains stop only on signal. S. B. LUMPKIN, G. P. A. A. TRIPP, Superintendent. SAM'L HUNT, General Manager. v OUR NEW PRATT GIN. f( rHE NEW PRATT GIN with Feeder f< and Condenser, which we recently r mrcbased from Mr. Sam M. Grist has e rrived and has been placed in position, J nd is in operation every day, turning s ut MORE LINT COTTON FROM A f< IT ATE D AMOUNT OF COTTON, and >roducing a better sample than any Gin in ~ he county, except some other new Piatt lin. Cotton ginned in a PRATT always 1 rings a better price than that of other [ins. Bring us your cotton. si FRED BLACK, v ARTHUR BLACK, C NORMAN BLACK. \^?All[ellpiin9 ani^iS2n wrmkAchwmtntP miaSmmm (mm fries in 0^ SffmmMt ?> ENCHANTING STATUARY 1 300 PERFORMERS! g ACRES OF TENTS! 3 CIRCUS RINGS! mzmiiiiiii i / EXPENSIVE AND COMPREHENSIVE rREET PARADE v Features, more Sublime Sights, more ? e men and women, more cages, chariots, itomatic music, more beautiful costumes, >rld of other Sublime and Startling, New , Greater and Costlier and more Meritous >sitively pales at the thought of daring to' ?tiouof this All-overshadowing Introductional amusement. fcEST STREET PARADE EVER COMPETITION?EVERY 10 O'CLOCK. laily at 2 p. m. and 8 p. m. ;t admits to all. Coming as radlent 3D AY, OCTOBER 15, '*, RIDAY, OCTOBER 16. )N ALL LINES OF TRAVEL I ^ 1BESTER All IBB BAlLBOl' Schedules in Effect from and After Angnst 30, 1896. S-. W. F. Harper, Receiver. CENTRAL TIME STANDARD. GOING WORTH. I No 10- I No BO. jea% e Chester _ | 8 20 am | 8 30am jeave Lowrysvllle ! 8 46 am; 0 05am jeave McConnellevllle 9 04 am; 939am jeave Guthrlesville .... 9 12 am 956am jeave Yorkvllle .........; 9 35 a m ; 10 50 a m jeave. Clover 10 18 a m J 11 83 am . cave Gastonia - 10 56 a m ; 150pm jeave Lincolnton , 11 55 a m ! 3 16 p m jeave Newton 12 50pm; 4 45pm jeave Hickory 123pmi 6 15pm Irrlve Lenoir .? 1 2 30 pm ? 8 00 pm GOING SOUTH. | No. 9. | No 61. jeave Lenoir ...... | . 2 40 p m ; 630am jeave Hickory 3 12 pm , 8 10 am jeave Newton I 5 08pm, 9 10 am jeave Lincolnton .. 5 55 pm 10 30 am f jeave Gastonia ' 6 57 pm 100pm jeave Clover 787pm 2 02pm jeave Yorkvllle | 8 06 p m 3 10 pm jeave Guthrlesville ... 8 29 pm 3 40 pm jeave McConnellsvllle 8 38 pm 8 55 pm jeave Lowrysvllle | 9 00pm 4 25pm Irrlve Chester 9 32 pm 5 10 pm Trains Nos. 9 and 10 are first class, and un daily except Sunday. Trains Nos. 0 and 61 carry passengers and also run laily except Sunday. There is good con- ? lection at Chester with the G. C. A N. ,nd the C. C. A A., also LAC. R. R.; at rastonia with the A. A C. A, L; at Lin?Jnton with C. C.; and at Hickory and Newton with W. N. C. L. T. NICHOLS, Supt. G. W. F. Harper, Receiver. Lenoir, N. C. 510. THE ELECTROPOISE. $10. A [N view of the increased and growing demand for this remedial agent, the Mectropoise Co. have made arrangenents with the manufacturers for a reaction in the cost of manufacture which low enables it to sell the instrument for 10 CASH. This arrangement, however, rill not extend beyond October 1st, next, mder the present contract. Those who re suffering with any kind of disease, nd desire a cure without medicine, should . ake advantage of this reduction and seure an ELECTROPOISE at once. It 3 simple and can be used without inconenience to the patient. A book giviuS ull directions how to use it with each nstrument. Send in your orders at nee to W. M. PROPST, Agent, Yorkville, S. C. VS" Call at Dr. Kuykendal's Drug Store. R. L. McCants Testifies. Smith's Turnout, June 6,1896. ^ V. M. Propst, Agent, Yorkville, S. C. Dear Sir?In reply to your inouiry, I fill say that I cannot give too much praise ar the Electropoise. I have tried it ar pleurisy, neuralgia, rheumatism and estlessness at night. From 11 to 1 o'clock very night I had to rise and sit up. The Jlectropoise has cured me ana I now leep well and feel better than I have felt ar 30 years. Yours truly, w? R. L. McCants. 501) CORDS WOOD WANTED. [X7ANTED immediately at the York VV Cotton Mills, 500 CORDS of large ize sticks of DRY PINE WOOD, for r fhich the market price will be paid in !ASH. W. N. ASHE, JR. September 5 72 s&wtf \ v I