Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, January 24, 1856, Image 4
IPswIkwras Jibing. ]
DYING ADVICE OF MB. SMIRK. j
Simon Smirk was on his death bed. His sod
3amuel was standing by his side; and while c
he was holding his father's hand, his father r
spoke to him as follows: t
"Sammy, I am dying?at the age of fifty- e
five. I wish yon to pay strict attention to my f
" dying advioe." I
\\ "Father, I will." j
"And I wish yon to follow my advice after
I am dead." ?
"I will, father." e
"Sammy, the neighbors and all my friends
tell me I havn't an enemy in the world, and I n
believe I haven't. I want you to understand "
why I haven't It's all owing to policy, Sam; o
waiiaw nnrl oiiawai* w]*aa t man a^ ?
AUU UVUUUg BUUiWl. f T UCU I H?W Ul ^
-jour age, my boy, I was as poor as a broken g
. down village horse, turned out to die. Age n
has at last broken me down, but I ain't poor, g
thank policy! Follow my example, and you p
will become richer by far than your father, s<
- Sammy, and die without an enemy, as I do." p
Samuel wept, as in duty bound, but grief e:
and his handkerchief choked his utterance, so
he said nothing. t]
"It has always been my polioy," resumed
the dying Smirk, "to avoid giving offence to ci
any one. No matter what people said or did tl
to me?or any one else?right or wrong?I ai
have always endeavored to forbear and subzr.it, a]
wherever I could; to be calm and cautious on ii
all occasions, and to avoid the exhibition of a<
any sign of resentment. By long experience t<
in this oourse I have found that by persever- tc
ing to agree with everybody, skilfully, is a a
sure eventual guide to universal popularity." di
"But have you never had any difficulty with o]
'^anyone?" g
"Not sinoe I was twenty-one," said the dy- tc
ing man, gasping for breath. "Reach me a tc
* little more water, and wet my lips. They are m
too parohed to speak plain. There, there," he
added, as his son obeyed him; "that will do, a<
and you shall be initiated into my invariable, el
invaluable policy. Be deferential, Sam, def
erential, and control your temper, and flatter m
whenever you get a ohance?have a bow, and pi
a smile, and a word, and a shake of the hand V
for everybody?mark! for everybody?and el
then yon will get along." ai
"But I must'nt be friendly to villians, must
I?" n
"Friendly! humph! be friendly to nobody
?seem so. "Villians I they compose two-thirds u
of the community, and are the most inflnen- b
rial. As for the other third, though it is well ic
enough to keep their good opinion, they are
only subordinate agents in the building up of b
a man. But don't get rifronted with them.? li
Oh, no, Sam; never do that 1 rfever kick a
dog unless you are sure he hasn't any owner, o1
then kick away, if you like " bi
* Though his fether was dying, Samuel could fc
not help smiling at his language.
"That's right," said the elder Smirk, "I
like that Smile again, Sam, smile again. By
smiling I have gained many a friend. But be
careful you don't smile at the wrong time. A tfc
smile is a powerful weapon, but it must be us- b;
ed with judgment. w
"Do you know, Sam, why I was always oi
such a favorite with the women?" a<
"No, fether." j><
"I was always careful, in the first place, to to
feel my way with the women; took care to un- tt
<1oMfan<) tliai* untSmaiila
?** ?v>* DVUVUU&UII^ ItUCU pu UUUii J TttU* U1
ities and hobbies; keeping my own ideas in th
the back ground until I could coincide with P1
theirs. I always took care never to speak dis- lu
respectfully of the sex. I never, in the presence
of a woman, called a woman a 'woman' nI
or a 'female.' I had but one name?ladies
?for all the feminine gender." m
"I would agree with one, and at the same 01
time wink at the others slily, as much as to 01
say ''tis all humbug, what I am sayiug. If a w
woman was ugly, I'd praise her intellect. If ol
she didn't know anything, I'd praise her vir- tl
tue. In this way I seldom missed the mark; Hi
for it is seldom that you find a woman that is b<
ugly, immoral, and a fool in the bargain. In n<
fact, it is hard to find anybody who hasn't ti
some good point, or who isn't susceptible to al
flattery in some way or other; and a man must c;
be a fool, who, determined to flatter and make pi
his flattery acceptable, can't seize hold of some w
merit, in mind, heart, form or face of the person
he wishes to please, and, feigning to ad- n
mire it, make that person friendly." ai
"Must I be stingy, or liberal ?" h
"Oh, be liberal?be liberal, by all means,"
said the dying man, with a ghastly smile? ?
"that is, in sentiment. Whenever a generous ^
deed is done, exalt it to the skies. Always
praise generous people. Clap your hands for i?
philanthrophy, and then clap them in your gj
pocket, and keep them there."
"Suppose a beggar asks alms of me, or I e
am called on to contribute to some charitable c
object ?" a
"If any person begs, say, 'certainly, my
poor woman,' or 'my man,' or 'my child,' and v
then quickly feel in your pockets. You will c
find no money, of course; but you must say, u
with a sigh, and a tear in your eye, if you can ?
scare up one, 'I'm really ashamed to own it,
but, unfortunately, I haven't a cent about me.' n
If you don't get a 'God bless you' for that, a
I'm mistaken. I never found it to fail." 0
"But a subscription ?" t;
"Jtveaa tne paper, praise tne oDject, out say e
that you have just subscribed far more than
you could afford, for another object of a similar
naturo. If the applicant believes by this
that you are in the charitable line, he will let c
you off, whereas, if you refused out and out, c
without an explanation, he might abuse you c
behind your back. I have made myself a r
great reputation for benevolence merely by refu- r
sing to subsoribe in this way. This is a queer a
world, Sam." c
Here the old gentleman was seized with a c
violent fit of coughing, which nearly took him ^
out of this queer world.
"I fear, father, that talking too much will j j
be fatal to you" said Samuel. j j
dMn nn roerrmorl Trio fattror (fT am ilfttftr.
mined not to die until I get through. As I; {
was saying, Sammy, thiB is a queer world, and ]
you can't get along in it without religion.
"Without what?" exclaimed his son in a- j
mazement. He had never mentioned religion ,
before in his life. I
"Without religion. Hire a pew by all i
means. Talk religion occasionally?you can
soon get the hang of it. Profess and practice 1
when you are obliged to. But at any rate pro- ' I
feas; it helps a fellow along in business. I got ]
some of the most profitable customers and <
best friends by professing religion. Pew rent <
is no object when you come to think of that." i
"But if you belong to a church you will t
have to defend its doctrines; and religious con- 1
tfdvereies create enmity, don't they." s
"Sometimes. But whenever I found that I t
was getting into trouble on account of my re- i
ligion,*! was always careful to yield a point or t
;wo, smile in a Christianlike way, and then
jack ont of the scrape. That's the way to do
t, Sammy, that's the way to do it."
"It is best, I suppose, to be some kind of a
)olitician ?" inquired the son.
"By all means; but take care and always be
in the strongest side. You can, though, be
abid as a mad dog in your views, when no- i
>ody but your side is present; affect to be lib- i
ral in your sentiments when you talk with
hose of an opposite political creed. Mankind
ove a liberal man; and if you flatter your foes
on disarm them."
"There's a good deal in that," observed
lammy, musingly, reflecting upon the many
listing instances of its truth.
"That there is," responded the sick man,
early exhausted, and his lips as pale as ashes.
Double-dealing, done well, will fix the flints
f everybody. When I lived in Squealbuiy
-a hoggish set there, Sam?I was a great
un. I was a general favorite, owing to my
lanaeement?and I had money. They were
oing to build a town house. There were two
arties, each favoring a different site. They
jnt committees to ask my opinion. As the
arties were about equal in numbers and influnce,
I hesitated at first whioh to favor."
"And how did you overcome -this difficulrl"
"I told the committees that if they would
all a meeting of both parties, I would give
lem my opinion. That meeting was called,
ad I went. 'Smirk ! Smirk ! Smirk!' they
II cried, and I arose, and after complimentig
the rowdies generally, the town, its chariter
and so forth, disclaimed my right either
> the distinguished honor conferred on me, or
> deliver my opinion on the subject. I was
native of Squealbujy, I said, and no medler.
I would not express my preference or
pinion. I had no confidence that the intellisnce
of the Squealburians would enable them
> choose for themselves, and with great affecid
modesty, I bowed and withdrew, in the
tidst of the cheers of both parties."
"That was well done, father," said Sam,
Imiringly; "and was that the reason you were
eoted to the Legislature ?"
"Yes" said the senior Smirk, faintly; "I
lade a hit. My noble-mindedness became
roverbial. I was compared to Cincinatus and
Washington, and put up for representee, and
lected by both parties. Do as I did, Sam,
id you will prosper?ob 1"
"God bless you, my dear father! what's the
tatter?"
"I am going, Sam, I shall be off in a minte!
Call in the ministers and the other
ores, quick ! but remember policy, Sam, polSy!"
And with the unfinished word, which had
een his guiding star through life, upon his
ps, Hon. Simon Smirk expired.
Intelligence of his death was telegraphed all
trer the Union, and a great many editorial oituary
notices were written upon him, endig
with
"None knew thee bat to love thee,
None name thee bat to praise."
A THRILLING ADVENTURE.
The following history of a thrilling adventure in
ie "far West," is taken at random from a new book
7 Capt Mayjck Rkid, entitled "The Hunter* Featt
Convertations around the Camp Fire." The hero
' the story stops at a hunting station on his way
sross the Rocky Mountains, and determines, "pour
uter It tempt," to have a deer hunt by firelight, and
i this end, attended by Blue Dick, who was someiin?
of an adept to the sport, he gets into a species
' boat known as a dng oat, and lighting a fire in
e stern, and setting Dick to steer it, he floats comacently
down the river. For some time he was
cky and delighted. Four deer had been bagged,
hen, passing tho mouth of a large creek, he run
M>n the following adventure :
"We had scarcely passed this point, when
y attention was attracted by a pair of fiery
bs that glistened out of some low bushes up1
the left bank of the river. I saw that they
ere the eyes of some animal, but what kind
an animal I could not guess. I knew that
ley were not the eyes of a deer. Their pecuar
scintillation, their lesser size, the wide space
stween them?all convinced me they were
deer's eyes. Moreover, they moved at
mes, as if the head of the animal was carried
>out in irregular circles. This is never the
ise with the eyes of the deer, which either
ass hurriedly from point to point or remain
ith a fixed and steadfast gaze.
" I knew, therefore, it was not a deer; but
o matter what; it was some wild creature,
od all such are alike the game of the prairieuntcr.
"I took aim, and pulled trigger. While dolg
so, I heard the voice of my companion
arning me, as I thought, not to fire. I wonered
at this admonition, but it was then too
ite to heed it, for it had been uttered almost
imultaneously with the report of my rifle.
"I first looked to the bank, to witness the
Sect of my shot. To my great surprise the
yes were still there, gleaming from the bushes
s brightly as ever.
? Had I missed my aim ? It is true, the
oice of my companion had somewhat disconerted
me ; but I still believed that my bullet
lust have sped truly, as it had been delivered
rith a good aim.
" As I turned to Dick for an explanation, a
icw sound fell upon my ears that explained all,
t the same time causing me no slight feeling
f alarm. It was a sound not unlike thatsomeimes
uttered by terrified swine, but still loudr
and more threatening. I knew it well?I
:new it was the snort of the grizzly bear !
"Of all American animals, the grizzly bear
3 the most to be dreaded. Armed or unarind,
man is no match for him, and even the
ourageous hunter of these parts shuns the enounter.
This was why my companion had ad
nonished me not to fire. I thought I had
nissed it; it was not so. My bullet had hit
md stung the fierce brute to madness; and a
[uick cracking among the bushes was immeliately
followed by a heavy plunge; the bear
vas in the wafer!
"(Good heavens, he's after us!' cried Dick
n accents of alarm, at the same time propeling
the dug-out with all his might.
" It proved true enough that the bear was
iftcr us, and the very first plunge had brought
his nose almost up to the side of the canoe.?
However, a few well-directed strokes of the
paddle set us in quick motion, and we were
>oon gliding rapidly down stream, followed by
:hc enraged animal, that every now and then
uttered one of his fierce snorts.
" What rendered our situation a terrible one
was that wc could not now sec the bear, nor
iell how far he might be from us. All to the
rear of the canoe was of pitchy darkness, in
jonscquence of the screen of birch-bark. No
)bject could be distinguished in that direction,
ind it was only by hearing him that we could
;ell he was still some yards oft'. The snorts,
i _ . i J!.i: i. ' i .1
aowcver, were more or less uisuuet, as neuru
nnid the varying roar of the waterfal; ancfc
jometimes they seemed as if the snout from
vhich they proceeded was close up to our
item.
" We knew that if he once laid his paw upon
the canoe, we should either be sunk or compelled
to leap out and swim for it. We knew,
moreover, that such an event would be certain
death to one of us at least.
?I need hardly affirm, that my companion
used his paddle with all the energy of despair.
I assisted him as much as was in my power with
, the butt-end of my gun, which was now empty.
; On account of the hurry and darkness, I had
not attempted to reload it.
? We had shot down stream for a hundred
yards or so, and were about congratulating ourselves
on the prospect of an escape from the
bear, when a new object of dread presented
itself to our terrified imaginations. This object
was the sound of falling water ; but not
as before, coming from some tributary stream.
?? ? " " r
JNO. It was a ian 01 me river upuu wuivu nc
were floating, and only a very short distance
below us!
"We were' in fact, within less than one
hundred yards of it. Our excitement, in consequence
of being pursued by the bear, as well
as the fact that the slough of the cascade above
still filled our ears, had prevented us from
perceiving this new danger until we had approached
it.
" A shout of terror and warning from my
companion seemed the echo of one T had myself
uttered. Both of us understood the peril
of our situation, and both, without speaking
another word, set about attempting to stop the
boat.
" We paddled with all ourstrength?he with
the oar, whilst I used the flat butt of my rifle.
We had succeeded in bringing her to a sort of
equilibrium, and were in hopes of being able
to force her toward the bank, when all at once
we heard a heavy object strike against the
stem. At the same moment, the bow rose up
into the air, and a number of burning pineknots
fell back into the bottom of the canoe.
They still continued to blaze ) and their light
now falling towards the stern, showed us a fearful
object. The bear had seized hold of the
dug-out, and his fierce head and long curving
claws were visible over the edge ?
" Although the little craft danced about
upon the water, and was likely to be turned
Iraal nnnr<ii>il tlio animal oVinxrnrl rift lntAnfcinil
Uf FT..IU, ?"
of relaxing its hold; but, on the contrary,
seemed every moment mounting higher in the
canoe.
" Our peril was now extreme. "We knew it,
and the knowledge half paralyzed us.
? Both of us started up, and for some moments,
half-sat, haif-crouched, uncertain how
to act. Should we use the paddles, and get
the canoe ashore, it would only be to throw ourselves
into the jaws of the bear. On the other
hand, we could not remain as we were, for in
a few seconds we should be drifted over the
falls; and how high these were we knew not.
We had never heard of them; they might be
fifty feet?they might be a hundred ! High
enough, they were, no doubt, to precipitate us
into eternity.
" The prospect was appalling, and our
thoughts ran rapidly. Quick action was required.
I could think of no other than to lean
sternward, and strike at the bear with my clubbed
rifie, at the same time calling upon my
companion to paddle for the shore. We preferred,
under all circumstances, risking the
chances ef a land encounter with our grizzly
antagonist. k
"I had succeeded in keeping the bear out
of the canoe by several well-planted blows upon
the snout j and Dick was equally successful
in forcing the dug-out nearer to the bank, when
a sharp crack reached my ears, followed by a
terrified cry from my companion.
" I glanced suddenly round, to ascertain the
cause ot these demonstrations, men neia in
bis hands a short round stick, which I recognized
as the shaft of the paddle. The blade
had snapped off, and was floating away on the
surface !
"We were now helpless. The manege of
the canoe was no longer possible. Over the
falls she must go!
" We thought of leaping out, but it was too
late. We were almost upon the edge, aad the
black current that bore our craft swiftly along,
would have carried our bodies with like velocity.
We could not make a dozen strokes before
we should be swept to the brink : it was
too late.
"We both saw this; and each knew the
feelings of the other, for we felt alike. Neither
spoke; but, crouching down and holding the
gunwales of the canoe, we awaited the awful
moment.
"The bear seemed to have some apprehension
as well as ourselves; for, instead of continuing
his endeavors to climb into the canoe,
he contented himself with holding fast to the
stern, evidently under some alarm.
" The torcn still blazed, and the canoe was
catching fire; perhaps this it was that alarmed
the bear.
The last circumstance gave us at the moment
but little concern; the greater danger eclipsed
the less. We had hardly noticed it, when we
felt we were going over !
"The canoe shot outward as if propelled by
some projectile force; then came a loud crash,
as though we had dropped upon a hard rock.
Water, and apray, and froth were dashed over
our bodies; and the next moment, to our surprise
as well as delight, we felt ourselves still
alive, and seated in the canoe, which was floating
gently in still smooth water.
"It was quite dark, for the torch had been
extinguished; but even in the darkness, we
could perceive the bear swimming and floundering
near the boat. Tuour great satisfaction,
we saw him heading tor the shore, and
widening the distance between himself and us
with all the haste he could make. The unexpected
precipitation over the falls had cooled
his courage, if not his hostility.
"Pick and I headed the canoe, now half full
of water, for the opposite bank, which we contrived
to reach by using the rifle and our hands
for paddles. Here we made the little vessel
fast to a tree, intending to leave it there, as we
could not by any possibility get it back over
the fall. Having hung our game out of reach
of the wolves, we turned our faces up stream
and, after a long and wearisom walk, succeeded
in getting back to the post.
"Next morning, a party went down for the
venisou, with the intention also of carrying the
canoe back over the fall. The craft, however,
was found to be so much injured, that it would
not hang together during the portage, and was
therefore abandoned. This was no pleasant
matter to me, for it afterwards cost me a considerable
sum before I could square with the
old Flathead forhis worthless dug out."
Give your Child a Paper.?A child beginning
to read, becomes delighted with a
newspaper because he reads the names of things
which are familiar, and will progress accordingly.
i A newspaper in one year is worth a quarter's
schooling to a child, and every father
must consider that substantial information connected
with advancement. The mother of a
family being one of the beads, and having a
more immediate charge of children, should
herself he instructed. A mind occupied, becomes
fortified against the ills of the life, and
is braced for any emergency. Children amused
by reading or study, are of course more considerate
and more easily governed. How many
parents, who have not spent twenty dollars for
books for their families, would have given hundreds
to reclaim a son or daughter who had
ignorantly or thoughtlessly fallen into temptation
!?Ohio Farmer.
WHAT WE ALL DO.
An amusing and even instructive hour may
be spent, if one will but search out from the
confused figures of the census, the number of
persons following various occupations in the
United States. Thus we rejoice, as a nation,
in navmg two thousand persons who pronounce
themselves artists, though there are probably
not a score who live in men's memories, and
certainly not one who appears likely to dethrone
Raphael. Of authors we have, according
to the census, eighty-two; that is, but
eighty-two are willing to confess to "genius
and a garret," though, if publishers' advertisements
are to be credited, every month gives
birth to a new literary star, and one more brilliant
than any that ever went before. To pass
to bank officers and brokers is a natural transition,
and of the former we are favored with
1400; of the latter with six thousand, exemplifying
the old adage, that "it never rains but
it pours," and that "blessings never come singly."
Luckily, there are a hundred thousand
good, honest, stout-hearted blacksmiths, as a
make-weight against this Egyptian plague of
flies in the shape of brokers and bankers.?
Moreover, there are six thousand barbers to
"shave" the six thousand brokers, and thus
revenge the community, which is so essentially
"shaved" by the latter.
We have two millions and a half of farmers,
seventy thousand marines; one hundred
thousand merchants; sixty four thousand masons,
and nearly two hundred thousand carpenters.
We have fourteen thousand bakers
to make our bread; twenty four?thousand lawyers
to set us by the ears; forty thousand doctors
to "kill or cure," and fifteen hundred editors
to keep this motley mass in order, by the
potent power of public opinion, controlled and
manufactured through the press. We have
eleven thousand hatters; ten thousand tobacconists,
and thirty-one thousand weavers. Against
thirty thousand teachers we can set off
fifty thousand tailors, so that we care nearly
twice as much for adorning the body that we
do for decking out the mind. Only twenty
down as servants, though most of us serve others
in some capacity or others. From the
boot-black, who polishes our shoes, to the
book-seller, who brightens the public intellect.
Nobody, according to the census, follows the
trade of a politician, though there are enough
heaven knows, in this city alone to have condemned
a dozen Sodoms and Gomorrahs.?
The census fails to record, likewise, the existence
of any patriots among us, though we
have long thought that patriotism was especially
a profession, a profession and nothing else.
The forty thousand phsicians support five
hundred undertakers, which gives the important
statistical fact, that it takes eighty doctors
to keep one undertaker in a brief business.
We have fifteen hundred wagon matora
tlinnaansl Ti70+/?li maL-orc COTTonfV
^ vuivw vuvuouuu nuwuuiwavm ^ hwtvmwjeight
vinegar makers, including, we suppose,
all the cross wives, crusty bachelors, and verjuice
old maids; thhtythousand wheelwrights
and thirty-three showmen. We have four
thousand cutlers; twenty-three thousand sadlers;
.and five thousand railroad men. We
have one hundred and fifty-four opticians and
ten occulists, but nearly four thousand confectioners,
proving that we are infinitely more for
eating than eye-sight. This reminds us that
there are five thousand brewers, and seven
hundred wine dealers, but the census, strange
to say, is silent as to the number who drink
the beer and "quaff the rosy." In all, we
have about five millions and a half, above the
age of fifteen years, who are busily employed
at some trade, profession, or other occupation,
by which to earn a livelihood. It is
plain that we are not a nation of sluggards.?
We nearly all do something. Nay to be an
idle drone is happily no recommendation in
America, as it i3 in the monarchial and aristocratic
countries of Europe.?Phil. Lcihjer.
. , BOY LOVE.
?ne of the queerest and funniest things to
think of in after life, is "Boy Love." No
sooner does a boy acquire a tolerable stature,
than he begins to imagine himself a man, and
1 TT . A_ J3.1 _
to ape mannisn ways, ne casts siaeiong
glances at the girls he may meet, becomes a
regular attendant at church or meeting, sports
a cane, carries his head erect, and struts a little
in his walk. Presently, and how very soon !
he falls in love?yes, "falls" is the proper
word, because it best indicates his happy, delirious
self-abasement. He lives now in a
fairy region, somewhere collateral to the world,
and yet, somehow, blended inextricably with
it. He perfumes his hair with fragrant oil,
scatters essences over his handkerchief, and
desperately shaves, and annoints for a beard.
He quotes poetry in which "love" and "dove,"
and "heart" and "dart" peculiarly predominate
; and, as he plunges deeper into the delicious
labyainth, fancies himself filled with the
divine afflatus, and suddenly breaks into a
scarlet rash?of rhyme. He feeds upon the
looks of his beloved; is raised to the seventh
heaven if she speaks a pleasant word; is betrayed
into the most astonishing exstacies by a
smile; and is plunged into the gloomiest regions
of misanthropy by a frown.
He believes himself the most devoted lover
in the world. There never was such another.
There never will be. He is the one
great idolater. He is the very type of magnanimity
and self-abnegation. Wealth! he
despises the grovelling thought. Poverty, with
the adorable beloved, he rapturously apostrophizes
as the first of all earthly blessings; and
"Love in a Cottage, with water and a crust;"
is the beau ideal paradise of dainty delights.
He declares to himself, with the most solemn
emphasis, that he would go through fire
and water; undertake a pilgrimage to China
or Kamtschatka; swim storm-tossed oceans;
scale irapassabe mountains, and face legions oi
bayonets but for one sweet smile from her lips.
He doats upon a flower she has cast way. He
cherishes her glove?a little worn in the fingers?next
his heart. He sighs like a locomotive
letting off steam. He scrawls her name
over quires of foolscap?fitting medium for his
j insanity. lie. scornfully depreciates the at
tentions of other boys of his own age; cub
Peter Tibbcts dead, because he said that the
adored Angelina had carrotty hair; and pass,
ed Harry Bell contemptuously, for daring tc
compare "that gawky Mary Jane" with his incomparable
Angelina.
Happy ! happy ! foolish Boy-love; with its
hopes and its fears; its joys and sorrows; it?
jealousies; its delights; its raptures and ib
tortures; its ecstatic fervors and terrible heart
burnings; its solemn ludicrousness; and its intensely
prosaic termination.
A POLITICAL SEBMINT.
"My Breethring, I will take for my text the
same which was preached once by my brother,
at Brandon, Mississippi, of which you all have
doubtless heard: "And he played on a harp
of a thousand strings?sperrits of just men
made perfic."
My breethring, there is as many strings to
politix as there is to a lyre?an a good many
liars to eeny most every string?then there
aint but one on 'em all that rings out the music
of the upion to which ever true, patriot had
ought to keep step?fur "he played on a harp
of a thousand strings?sperrits of just men
made perfic."
Fust thar's the Know Nothin'! His name
expressess the amount of his information, but
it don't convey an idee of his resources. He's
the most extraordinary animal in the show?
he is fur and against a variety of topics; he's
temperance and he drinks?he's fur the Maine
law so pervided he can violate it?he's fur and
against fusion?he's an abolitionist here and
? * 1 i 1 ? 1 1 1 111
ne aint an aDontionist?ne s nere ana ne sinar
?and he will be no whare in November?fur
"be played on & harp of a thousand strings?
sperrits of just men made perfic."
Then thars the polittikle cobbler, goin'
round like a roaring green bay jackass seekin'
where he may htfmbug some boddy. He's all
the colors of the rainbow, and more changeable
then the Camelia Joponniky. He is a
Whig ! Anti-Whig?and Know Nothin' and
Anti-Know Nothin'?fur furriners and again
furriners, fur every boddy and agin every boddy,
but principally a long-heeled, woolly-headed,
rantin,' ravin' niggerists and abolitionist
and disunionist?fur he "played on a harp of
a thousand strings?sperrits of just men made
perfic."
Then thar's the straight-out Whig?a respectable
sort of a character in contrast with don't
perceding who represents the fusionist. He
don't vant to seethe Union destroyed, but he
knows he can't help it if he runs on his own
hook, and that he'd better run wid der machine
that's bound to be ahead and wash the
other tubs. He plays on a harp of a single
string, but his execution is imperfect.
Then thar's the liberal and the genuine old
fashioned Democrat. They don't go whirling
round in circumbendibuses?they aint afraid
of nobody nor nothin'. They carry their Union
flag afloat?the bunting all kivered over with
stars and stripes?glorious and victorious because
its the banner of the Union.
They go for personal freedom?for popular
rights?for justice to all men and all parts of
country?for light instead of darkness?for
open discussion instead of midnight cabal?
for self-government and notforoligharchy; and
they go in to win, for their instrument is tuned
with popuVr feelin' though its made of beech
wood?and they played on a harp of a tfiousand
strings, and every string an honest prinoiple.
T.Ti! A TiTT AT.T. VOTT fiAN.
Never omit an opportunity to learn all you
can. Sir Walter Scott .said/ that even in a
stage coach, he always found somebody who
could tell him things he did not know before.
Conversation is frequently more useful than
books for purposes of knowledge. It is therefore,
a mistake to be morose and silent among
persons whom you think ignorant, for a little
sociability on your part will draw them out,
and they will be able to teach you something,
no matter how ordinary their employment.
Indeed, some of the most sagacious remarks,
as made by persons of this description respecting
their particular pursuit. Hugh Miller,
the Scotch geologist, owes not a little of his
fame to observations made when he was a journeyman
stone mason and working in a quarry.
Socrates well said that there was but one good,
which is knowledge, and one evil, which is ignorance.
Every grain of sand goes to make
a heap. A gold digger takes the smallest
nuggets, and is not fool enough to throw them
away because he hopes to find a huge lump
some time. So in acquiring knowedge, we
should never depise an opportunity, however
uncompromising. If there is a moment's leisure,
spend it over a good instructive, talking
with the first you meet.
PANEGYRIC ON BEDS.
The almost forgotten French romancer Cleinence
Robert, thus warmly expressed himself
on the comforts of the bed : "A bed is certainly
the most precious and most favorite asylum
found here below. In fact, when I look
at it, and when I think, when I step into it,
how one is suddenly, as if by enchanment, rid
of fatigue, cold, wind, dust, rain, importunate
visitors, tedious conversations, common-place
remarks, pompous assertions, bragging, putting
forth head-strong opinions, contradictions, discussions,
traveling stories, confidential readings
of a poem or a whole tragedy, explanations
or systems in long words, interminable
monologues, and that in place of all these one
has pictures, thoughts, memories to be called
up, that he is in the midst of a chosen society,
or phantoms and visions just to the mind,
and all these dreams, which a foreign writer
calls "moonlight of the brain;" when I think
of all these as I look at a bed, I know not
what words to make use of to express my enthusiasm
and veneration, and I am almost ready
to bow in adoration before it."
JUST PUBLISHED BY
THE HOWARD ASSOCIATION, Philadelphia.?
Report on Spermatorrhoea, or Seminal Weak,
ness, Impotence, the Vice of Onanism, Masturbation,
or Self-Abuse, and other Diseases of the Sexual
Organs, with an account of the errors and deceptions
of Quacks, and valuable advice to the afflicted,
. by Geo. R. Calhoun, M. D., Consulting Surgeon of
the Howard Association, Philadelphia, Pa., a benevolent
Institution established by special endowment,
1 for the relief of the sick and distressed, afflicted
with "Virulent and Epidemic Diseases." A copy of
, the above Report will be sent by mail (in a sealed
envelope) free of charge, on the receipt of two
stamps for postage. Address Dr. GEORGE R. CAL
HOUN, No. 2 South Ninth-St., Philadelphia, Pa.
[ Dec. 13 49 tf
mwmm&i gmd,
DR. B. M. COBB,
WILL be pleased to receive Professional Calls in
tlio departments of MEDICINE and SURGE1
RY. Unless professionally absent, he may be found
! at his residence, Fort Mill Depot, York Dist., S. C.
F Oct 11 40 ly
HYSICIANS SHOP FURNITURE,
Medical Saddle-Bags, Surgical Instruments &c.
Just Received by L. 1*. BARNETT & Co.
Nov 1 43 tf
HAVANA CIGARS.?Choice brands. For
sale by L. F. BARNETT & Co.
BLRESTONE, SULPHATE QUININE,
Iodine, Iodide-Potash, Morphine, Tannin &c.
For Sale by L. T. BARNETT & CO.
Nov 1 '43 tf
WETHERILL & BROTHERS, pure
WHITE LEAD. For sale by
ADAMS & McCORKLE.
may 3 17 tf
COLOGNE, &C.--A fine assortment of Colognes
and Extracts, for the handkerchief; Fancy
and Tablet Soaps, Nail, Teeth, Hair and Flesh
Brushes. For sale by L. P. BARNETT.
Nov 1 43 tf
Cj\t ffarkMIk dEnpirer
is
ISSUED EVERY THURSDAY MORNING,
at
Two Dollars per year, in Advance.
To Clubs of Tttf, the paper will be furnished,
one year, for Fifteen Dollars?invariably in advance.
All subscriptions not specially limited at the
time of subscribing will be considered as made for an
indefinite period, and will be continued until all arrearages
are paid, or at the option of the Proprietors.
Subscriptions from other States must invariably be
accompanied with the cash or the name of some responsible
person known to us.
Advertisements will be inserted at One Dollar
per square for the first, and Thirty-seven-and-ahalf
Cents for each subsequent insertion?a squnro
to consist of twelve lines, Brevier, or less. Business
Cards, of a half-square or less, will be inserted at $5,
per year. For advertising Estrays Tolled, $2; Citations,
$2; Notices of Application to the Legislature,
$5; to be paid by the persons handing in the advertisements.
Monthly or Quarterly Advertisements
will be charged One Dollar per square, for each insertion.
Contracts by the year will be taken on liberal
terms?the contracts however, must in all cases
be conSned to the immediate business of the firm or
individual contracting. All advertisements not having
the n imber of insertions marked on the margin,
will be continued until forbid and charged accordi
r* rvl tt
?"??/
Obituary Notices exceeding one square in length,
will be charged for the overplus, at regular rates.?
Tributes of Respect rated as advertisements.
THE LAW OP NEWSPAPERS.
1. Subscribers who do not give express notice to
the contrary, are considered as wishing to continue
their subscription.
2. If subscribers order the discontinuance of their
papers, the publisher can continue to send them until
all arrearages are paid.
3. If subscribers neglect or refuse to take their
papers from the office to which they are directed,
they are held responsible till they settle their bill,
and order the paper discontinued.
4. If any subscriber removes to another place
without informing the publisher, and their paper is
sent to the former direction, they are held responsible.
5. The Court has decided that refusing to take a
Newspaper from the office, or removing and leaving
it uncalled for, is prima fiacie evidence of an intentional
fraud.
TlffiPRINCETON PRESS.
THE design of the inventor was to get up a Press
which would answer every requirement of the offer
made by Geobqe Bbuce, of New York, in 1861,
viz: cheap, light, eaeily managed, and capable of
throwing off at least 500 sheets per hour.
This Press will throw off from 500 to 800 sheets
per hour, doing the work equal to any Cylinder Press.
The bed stands about 30 inches from the floor, and
is the most convenient of all Presses to make ready
the form on. It is adapted to jobbing, or book work^
as well as newspaper, and will register as well as
any other Cylinder Press. It requires,, to work it,
a man to turn the fly wheel and a boy to feed the
sheets.
The Inking Apparatus is very complete, and differs
from the apparatus used in Cylinder Presses
generally, being more like that used in the Power
Platen Presses. Two rollers pass over the form
twice to each impression, taking ink for each sheet.
A Press of this description for newspaper and jobbing,
bed 44 by 28} inches, with roller mould, roller
stocks, blanket, flying and registering apparatus,
&c., complete, will be furnished for $600. If intended
for book work chiefly, an extra ink fountain will
be furnished for $20. The press, fly wheel, &c.,
will weigh about 2000 pounds. The sides, &c., are
iron. Length of frame, seven feet?height, to front
. i -x* c i i .1 An? ?:.a
euge OX iceu uuuru, uucu icet bijl iuwucs. xxuj disc
made to order.
The following is the list of Sizes and Prices as far
as established:
Bed 28 by 20, $400. Bed 48 by 31, $580.
"36 24, 450. "50 32, 600.
"44 283, 500.' "52 82, 625.
" 46 30 540.
The beds will take chases their full breadth; and
within two inches of the length.
Terms.?One-half, cash: one half, note, at 4
months, with approved security; or 2} per cent discount
for cash.
Boxing and Cartage, $13.
For more than three years the inventor of the above
Press has been improving it, working it all the
while, and ascertaining, with great care and expense,
the best mode of carrying out all the details?and he
flatters himself ho has succeeded in perfecting it;
and is now manufacturing the Press himself. No
Press will leave his premises without being thoroughly
tested, and without it performs to the entire satisfaction
of the purchaser.
JOHN T. ROBINSON.
Princeton, N. J., Nov. 1855. 46 _ 8m
NEW BLACKSMITH SHOP.
THE undersigned have leased the shop known as
WALKER'S OLD STAND (recently occupied by
Stcedmao & McConncll) on Main Street, opposite the
residence of Col. Wright, where they are prepared
to execute all kinds of BLACKSMITHING, in the
most substantial manner and on reasonable terms.?
They are also engaged in the Manufacture and sale
of FORMAN'S PATENT IRON PLOW, the best
Plow now in use, and which cannot fail to commend
itself to every intelligent farmer who gives it a trial.
They solicit an examination, and will be pleased to
exhibit it to all who may call. They solicit a share
of public patronage.
LETSON, ROTHROCK & Co.
Yorkville Sept. 20 87 tf.
CAUTION I?FOEMAN'S IKON PIOW.
HAVING purchased of the Patentee of FORMAN'S
IRON PLOW, the right to manufacture
oaII oni/4 ?? Tliotwnfo nf Vai?1t nn/1
uuu dc11 oaiu a. iv no 1u vuv a/iom*v?b v? *v*m umv.
Chester, the undersigned are determined to prosecute
all violations of their rights. They are now
entering suit in the United States Court against one
person in this place, who has assumed to manufacture
and sell said Plows without authority; and they
give warning to all persons who may purchase of
him that they too are liable, and that suits will be
entered against every person who uses any Plow of
his manufacture. This notice they give that persons
who choose to buy his plow may do so with
their eyes open, and with the understanding that
they will have to stand a suit in the U. States Court.
LETSON & ROTHROCK.
Yorkville, Oct. 11, 1855. 40 tf
AUCTION AID COIDIMSMSS
THE undersigned respectfully informs his friends
and the public generally, that he will attend to
the sale of all kinds of PRODUCE, MERCHANDIZE,
NEGROES, STOCK, FURNITURE, and everything
that can be sold, at a reasonble commission.
All business entrusted to him will be promptly attended
to and immediate returns made.
He returns his sincere thanks to the citizens of
Yorkville and vicinity, for the liberal patronage
heretofore bestowed upon him, and hopes by strict
attention to business, to merit and share a continuance
of the same. Address,
V. E McELHANEY, Auctioneer,
. Yorkville, S. C.
references:
Yorkville.?TV. I. Clawson, Jno. L. Miller, Dan'l
Williams.
Chester.?A. G. Pagan & Co.
Lancaster.?J. Curcton, J. II. TVithorspoon.
North Carolina.?TV. L. Irwin, R. Irwin.
llnionville.?TV. J. Keenan.
Yorkville, July 26, 1855. 21 tf
US?" The Chester Standard, Fairfield Herald, Unionville
Journal and Lancaster Ledger, will copy 3
times weekly, and forward accounts.
Notice.
THE Firms of J. N. LEWIS & CO., at Yorkville,
S C find T/F.WTS & WILSON, at Ohoqtpr S
C., are this day dissolved by mutual consent, The
names of the firms will be used at both places in
settling up their old business.
J. N. LEWIS,
D. H. WILSON.
October 1st, 4855.
CO-PARTNERSHIP NOTICE.
J BENNETT, J. N. LEWIS, & D. H. WILSON,
have this day formed a Co-partnership for the
purpose of carrying on the WATCII and JEWELRY
Business, at the stand heretofore occupied by J. N.
LEWIS & CO., at Yorkville, S. C., under the name
of BENNETT, LEWIS, & CO., and at Chester, S.
C., under the name of BENNETT, WILSON & CO.,
at the stand formerly occupied by Lewis & Wilson.
JORDAN BENNETT.
J. N. LEWIS, *
D. H. WILSON.
The old firm of J. N. Lewis & Co., feel grateful
for the liberal patronage shown them on the part of
the public, and hope that the Bamc maybe continued
to the new firm. .
J. N. LEWIS,
D. H. WILSON.
Oct 11 40 tf
BROWNING & LEMAN,
IMPORTERS OF .
French, British and German
DRY GOODS, j
209 anil211 King, Corner of Marketsirec ,
CHARLESTON^ S. G. ^ J
KEEP constantly on hand, and offer to their friend# j|
and tlio public generally, the largest assortment
of Foreign and Domestio Dry Goods in the Southern ^
States. Their Stock is constantly supplied with a 1
full assortment of
RICH DRES8 GOODS
of all the newest varieties of style and Fabric, in
Silks, Tissues, Bareges, Grenadines, Muslins, &c.?
Bombazines, Alpacas, and Mourning Goods of all
kinds.
EMBROIDERIES and LACE GOODS, of every J
description. fl
EVENING DRESS GOODS, of every variety. 1
Gentlemen's and Boys' Wear.
CLOTHS, Cassimers, Westings, Linen Drills and
Coatings, of best French Goods.
Satinets, Tweeds, Jeans, &c.FOR
FAMILY USE.. >
Rose, Whitney and Bath Blankets.
Red and White FLANNELS., > v (
Enelish and America* nntfnn Plo'nn?lo
French, English and American PRINTS and Cambrics.
- -
Linens, of Richardson's celebrated make, for
Sheetings, Shirtings, Pillow Cases, Table Damask,
Doylies, Napkins, Towellings, B. E. and Hnckaback
Diapers, Fruit Cloths, Apron Linens, Ac.'
CARPETING.
Ingrain, 3 Ply, Brussels, Tapestry ind VELVET.
British and American Floor Oil Cloths. ' .
Wilton, Velvet and Azminster RUGS.
' White and colored Mattings of all widths.
Stair Rods and STAIR CABPETINGS of all kinds.
CURTAIN MATERIALS.
Of every variety in Silks, Satin and Worsted.
Curtain Cambrics and Muslins. ',
Embroidered Lace and Muslin Curtains.
Gilt Cornices, Curtain Gimps, Holders, Loops,
Tassels, Drapery Cords,' Bell Ropes, Ac. J
PLANTATION GOODS.
Blankets, Plains, Kerseys, Capsf &c.
Cotton OSNABERGS, all of the best Southern
make. * , ~ '
All the above, with every other line.of Dry Goods
which can be demanded, are of our; own Direct Importation,
and are offered at the lowest Market Prices
for cash or City acceptances. The one price system
is strictly adherred to.. All
Goods are warranted, and ordera.fiUed with
promptness and the most careful attention.
BROWNING & LEMAN.
March 29 12 ly
GREAT SOUTHERN REMEDY!
JACOB'S CORDIAL, j
rOBALl*
Bowel Diseases, Cholera, Dysentery, Diarrhce, Choi'
era Morbus, Bilious Cholic, Cholera Infantum.
Also, admirably adapted to many diseases 0/ i
Females, especially painful menstruation.
The virtues of Jacob's Cordial are (oo well
bxovm to require enconiufns. 1st.
It cures the worst cases of Diarrhoea.
2d. It cures the worst form of Dysentery.
3d. It cures California or Mexican Diarrhoea.
4th. It relieves the severest Colio^
6th. It cures Cholera Morbus. " - *
6th. It cures Cholera Infantum. m
7th. It cures Painful Menstruation.
8th.' It relieves Pain in Back and Loins.
9th. It counteracts Nervousness and Despondency.
10th. It restores Irregularities. " 'V...
11th. Itrdiapels gloomy and Hysterical Feelings.
12th. It's an admirable Tonic.. .
A Few Short Extracts from Letters, Testimonials, Ac.
"I bave umT Jacob's Cordial in my family, and
have f6und it a most efficient, and in my jndgment,
a valuable remedy."?Hon. Hebam Warner, Judge i
of Supreme Court,'Georgia. . "It
gives me pleasure in being able to recommend ;
Jacob's Cordial?my own personal experience, and
the experience of my neighbors and friends around
me, is a sufficient guarantee for me to believe it to
be all that it purports to be, viz: a sovereign remedy."?w.
H. Underwood, Formerly Judge of Superior
Court, Cherokee Circuit
"I take great pleasure in recommending this invalaablo
medicine to all afflicted with bowel diseases,
for which I believe it to be a sovereign remedy
?decidedly superior to anything else ever tried by
me."?A. A. Gaul dlno, Deputy G. M. of the Orand
Lodge of Georgia.
"I have used Jacob's Cordial in, my family, and
this, with all I hear about it as a remedy.by tbose
who have tried it, induces me to believe that it
stands at the head of every preparation of the kind,
and I would recommend its use in the diseases for Jm
which it is compounded."?Milks G. Dobbins, Gash- V
ier of the Bank of the State of Georgia. Griffin. ^
"If there is any credibility in human testimony, ^
Jacob's Cordial, must stand nre-eminent ahova all 1
other preparations for the care of Bowel Diseases.?
From the mass of testimony in its favor coming d
in from all quarters, it mast be very far in advance 0
as a curative agent, of most if not all other patent d
preparations.?A. Fleming, Cashier Marine and J
Fire Insurance Bank, Griffin.
' This efficient remedy is travelling into celebrity u
as fast as Bonaparte poshed his columns into Russia, ij
and gaining commendation wherever used."?Oeor- H
gia Jeffertonian. 1
IgU For sale by L. P. BARNBTT & Co., York- J
villo; Patterson, Moore A Co., Fort Mill; J. Ross, 9
Sandersville; Wylie & Smith, Hickory Grove; Da- H
vidson & White, Bullochs Creek; Haviland, Harral 1
& Co., Charleston; Drs. Fisher & Heinitsh, Colum- 1
bia, and the principal Merchants and Druggists |
throughout the Stato. - 1
; . W. W. BLISS & CO., . I
Proprietors, 20 Beckman-at., New York. w
Sept 20 87 ly 1
M. JOHNSON & GO. 1
ALL ABOARD! I
AT the word of command, M. -JOHNSON took V
passage on the Railroad for the cities of New |
York and Philadelphia, and purchased especially for M
this market a splendid assortment of artioles in his fl
line of business. The firm are determined to en- fl
large their establishment and to keep on hand here- 9
after a more extensive, carefully selected and finer 9
stock than ever before offered in this place. In the I
stock now opening, will be found every variety, -and fl
the best quality of ?^ - fl
SADDLERY HARDWARE; fl
Harness Mountings of various styles; Bridle-Bits, fl
of all kinds; Whips and Collars; Trunks, Valises, fl
Carpet-Bags, &c., &c., &c. They invite attention to fl
this Stock, and are confident that they are able, by H
offering the best qualities at the lowest prices, to fl
give general satisfaction. As heretofore, they will fl
continue to fill orders for the fl
HOME MANUFACTURE 1
ot sauuies, uarness, uriaies sc., ana are always ?
ready to do REPAIRING at the shortest notice and
in the roost workmanlike manner. Their thanks are
due to their friends and the public generally for a
generous patronage, and they hope by strict attention
to business to merit and receive a continuance
of public favor. Call at the store, formerly occu- ,
pied by Meek & Moore, opposite the "Adickee Building."
- M. JOHNSON & CO.
Yorkville, Aug. 30, 1865. 34 6m
Removal.
MESSRS. LINDSAY & TIIOMASSON announce
to their customers and the public that they 1
have removed their establishment temporarily to the
store formerly occupied by th?m, one door North of
WALKER'S HOTEL, where they are prenared to
serve tbeir friends as usual. They have1 now on 1
hand a good assortment of
Drugs, Medicines, Dyc-S tuffs, &c.,
and all articles in their line of the best quality, and
at reasonable prices.
J. F. LINDSAY,
D. II. THOMASSON.
Yorkville, Mar. 1. .8 tf
DRU6S AND MEDICINES,
AT WHOLESALE OR RETAIL.
L P. BAMETT & Co.
ARE now receivings large addition to tbeir stock,
consisting of DRUGS and CHEMICALS, Paints
and Oils, Window Glass and Putty, Varnishes, Brushes,
Combs, Soaps, Perfumery and Fancy Articles.
To Country Merchants and Physicians, we will
offer liberal inducements, guaranteeing everything
as represented. We make our purchases with cash
of manufacturers and importers, and feel assured
that iu most articles we can compete with any one in
the State. We only ask an cxaminati on of our stock.
Prompt attention given to all orders. Goods care- M
fully packed and forwarded as directed. Prcscrip- H
tions accurately dispensed. D
L. B. BARNETT & Co.
Yorkville, Oct. 30,1855. 43 tf fl