The Fairfield herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, January 26, 1876, Image 1
VO.
VOL. XLI y~ rmwiiNNBORO, S.-C.,. WEDNES"DA*Y MORNING JANUAR 617.).
THE
P1 It PI 1 I L II E R1I D
I$ PtlIli.IsIftIC) WKEKt t3 ' I
W I L L A M S & A VI .
7.t'ms.-The IIRU.4, U It piblisIled Week
y in fhe Town of Winnsboro, at $3&0
n tariablyh in advance.
VEP All Iransient adlvortlsomteins to lie
l': }I) IN Al) VA NCM.
Oituary Notius and. Tiibute $1.m,'
per i Munre.
Theino \Vrtthl ih schools.
There is a great deal of just com
plaint nowadays tll:Lt childron in
public and privat( schools are
craiimmed with facis, wiithout ain
order or sequetoe, and cortainly
withoutf ally attempt to dveol) the
reasoninig powers of their brains.
They aro rc(quired to bolt each day aL
ceortail number of rules, graipmarnnti
cal or mnathomuaticll; or of the smiues
of rivers in Asia or Lhie population of
towns in Yc:d.an. As for aily
practical bearing which thetso odd,
facts can have on their dcily life
they know nothing of it. When, on
the contrary, they are set to write'
"themes" or "coupositions," almost1
invariably abstract topics are given
themn.-..purely im iginative or'philosog
phical subject s, which require unlini
t(l data and long experience to I
treat even intelligently. The most
of these iubie(ts are luckneyed be:
yonid use. ilow maniiy grown mon'1
E or wi otenl euuild write an essay on
Virtue, or filierty or the triumiphs
: of (eiuts that should contai U oltc
fresh thought, or turn of xpresAion
)that Was not ita shutsiless platitide?
.Yet it is just such themnes thhat girls
an11d boys pore o01vor weekly, striving
.to) drag from thettir undev~eloped
Sbrain1s and their experience of the
ill or croyuot grouid or the class'
oom Some nw reflections oil thlit)
'reat ideas that have ruled nankind,
raria ltiois of proisely mi1ch1 topics
slt these the undergraduate selects
to riogLId his learcr on cornience
iont dLvs. Th'llere Was even in the
rcenut intercollegiato contest a
no'atuticeablo etrorf onl the part of the
m"ig casayists to grasp the most
a )Itical Subject in a generalizing
-.,philosophic, or poetical fashion,
which would impress any hearer as
unreal if not fale.
We shall be told by teachers that
this propensity is due to the crudity
'of the boys mind ; to tihe lack of ac
tual weighty experience, from which
to (leduco ideas or conclusions.
Why then is ho not required to
deduce -his ideas and conclusions
from such experience as lie has ? If
instead of flighty (diquisitioll con
cerning Greeks and Ronans whoi
he knows nothing about, a lad of
twelve or fourteen were left to
write about his father's hoat or
horse,or his last night's rabbit-hunt
his brain would be roused, his mats
ter would be original, and his style
vigorous. Nor would it be neces
sary to confine him t.- snch home
themes. Turn him loose in a
machine-shop, a dock-yard, or a
pastnure, accordinug to his locality,
ando( let him toil what he sees there ;
or give to a girl a historical place or
character andl half a dozen books of
re ference, and let her bring the re
sa FIlt of her researces. In either
case the child will have learned facts
with a definite ulndleriandinlg of
their pmrpose, andi~ will hanve written
* in wordls wvhich have a real signi
ienneo of real things, and the
teacher will have gained a clearer in
sigh t'iuto tihe tastes, character, and
caOpacity of his pupil than throngh
ye.urs of wearisome memiorizmgr and
lbune'.
A W NDEhR~fUL CiociK.-A marvcIous
piece of mecchanismn hasi just been
exhlihited in Paris. It is an eight
day clock, which chimes the quarters,
three times every twelve hours, or
at any intcrt'aln requirekd. Th
hands go round as follows: one,
once a minute ; one,~ once ali hour
0o1e, on1cC a week ; oneC, once ai month 4
one, once a yonn~ It sh~ows the moon's
age, tile rising and setting of the
sun, the timo of high anid low wvater,
half ebb and half flood, and by a
beaiutiful conltritanco there is a part
u that represents the water, wich
rises andl falls, lifting some ships at
high-water tide as if they Wore in
muotion, and, as it receideU, leaving
theso9 automaton ships dry on the
sands. rThe clock shows the hour
of the daiy, day of the wveek, day of
the month, month of the year, and
in tihe dlay of the mionth there is a
prvso mlade for the long and
ablort months. It shows the signs
pf the zodiac ; it strikes or niot,
cehimesio or not, as may be desired;
nuid jt, has [ho eqjluationl table,
showinig the ditl'erence of clock and
bunlevery daiy ini the year.
An Eastern fable 1~lls how a
tr aveler miet a woman oni the way
silo, en route to Damascus. Jie
asked her from whence she canmo,
and shec replied, "From yonder city.
S I amt the plague. Ten thousand
~'people lie dead in tile atroets of
Damascus. Of those I have slain
one0 thous~and, and fear killed all
the rost,"
On an average, nearly six papers a
A874.
Record Vour Contracts al gave Rpnt
hS o ave boon often askoc, why it
iq tit.tho, o ,4sr of lands 'c#nnot
got ) Js -on6. , W e say therv ii 'noth
ing to preveit-his getting' li; gay,
'r his share of the crop. t'it only
iPecesstqry to roduce y'ou.tr contracts
to writing and record the same at
once with the clerk of thu court, and
you will get your mloney, gaid we
give as our authority the following
act: it
Al-ace for the better'pi'otection of
land,' owners, and porsols enting
land to oihors, for agricultural pu.r
poses, ahd to amera acts relating
thereto.
That in nll, ascn whero.. land bs
rented either for kl jluare. of the crop,
oi for ia stipulated um in mloneoy, or
for so much cotton, corn, or other
prodnet of the soil, the land so
rented shall bo demed and taken to
bo an advance for agricunltural uir
ioses ; and the land owner u ni1ol re
ducing thh contiact of let itmig to
nA, aindi r'61oding- hd Hi re, as
prov doL1 ilk the lien law, section 55,
chapter 30, (that is recordin'g'. the
some within' thirty 'days fron thol
date of contract,) shall .hay . ,lion
gighC) 6p, which, may be. mado
durmng theyear upon the land, in
proforonco to all other lions exist
ing or otherwise, to anl amount not
exceeding one-third of tlIo entiro
crop so produced, and to be applied
to the satisfaction. of tie rent stipu
lated to be paid.
Iii such cases the landlor(rd shall
have all the rigl:ts accorded to per
sons a(lvancilg any other sup the's,
na provided in scitions 55 anid .56 of
the samlol chapter, to the extent of
one third of the crop as above
stated.
This law does not apply to. con
tracts made. prior to March 19,
1874, but to all contracts sinco that
time.
it will not do to make ici'bal con
tracts t they must be,"madeim writing
and " recorded, or the 'lions will
tak(g proferonce, and the lanrd owners
fail to get-their rent.
You maf be able to pro o ydur I
iontract mtid the parties renting may
admit the contract, but you imust
not depand on this. Write it otm t
anid record it, and - youri claim has
prefereticu over any .other chdm.
Sjaurtan6myur .Herql?.
A Gamblor's Fate.
Among the in emtun.etileano.ctoe
related of the ruin of pe-sonrs at play,
thoro is one worth relating which re
refers to a Mr. Porter, anl English
gentlemaiin, who, in the reign of
Queen Anne, possessed oleo Of the
best estatesi in Northimnberland. the
whole of which ho lost at hanard in
twelve months. -Aceerding to the
story told of this madman, for we
can call him nothing also, when ho
had just completed the loss of his
last acre at a gamli)ng house in Lon
don, and was proceeding .down
stairs to throw himsolf into his car
riago to carry him to hils, house isi
town, he resolved upon having one
throw more . to retrieve his losses
anid iimnieliato returned to the room
where the play Was going on.
Nerved for the worst that rnghlt
halpen, he insisted that tho. person
whom ho had been playing With
shuild: give huita one mnore' chance of
revory or fight with' 'him. ,lis
proposition was thin that his car
iiage and horses, the trinlieots and
loose money ini his p)ocketshis town
hioiso, plate and fur niture-in short,
all1 he had left in the world; except'
the clothes oin his hack, shouJld be
vahied in a Ilu1 at a certain pri1co,
ud'ho thrown fdr at a Single cast.
No p)orsuaslionl could brevail up~on
imr to depart from his purpose. -He
threw, anid lost ; then, .condnoting
the winer to the door, he told his
coachman that there was his master,
and, marched forth into the dark andl
dismtal . tretsi, without bonso :of
hiome,~ or aniy other creiditable moans
of support. T1hus beggared, lhe re
tiredi to an obscure lodginig in a
cheap), pant of tho town,- subsisting
p~artly on harity, SpmqtiggaR fctng
as the inkr t a h)1 iliri ),fan'on, aitd
occasionally .as helpor. at a livery
s tgblo. In thmis miseravblo) condition:
and with nakedness nd famne~ star
ing him in the fae,~ exposed .tv the
taunts and insalts of those whom he
once supported, he was recogni4~ed
by3 an old( friond. who gave himii toll
gineas to purchase I ecossarica,
He expon~do(1 live inl~1( purchasig do
cent apparel, With the remaining
five lie repaired to a common gamn
ig honne, and incraed thiem to
fifty, Ho thenl aidjourned to (one of
the higYher order otfhon~ims, sat dlownl
wvith formner associat~es, and won
twenty thousand pounmids. Rioturn
ing the next niight,he lost it all, aind
buce more poniniluss, after sub
sisting many years In abject pennry,
lie died, a raggedholggar, it a ponnhy
lodging house in St. Giles'.
Ah Tndiana man said to a lileo
agemit :"I'm a Christian, but i'll be
blamed if I don't have to grit mry
tooth whe the Ohio tivcr is on a
level with the to1) of my corn."
A siek man, slightly convalescent,
was as~ked by a pious friced, who his
phiysician was. Hie replied : ".Doc
tor Jones brought me throug~h,"
"No*-no," said his friend :"Godi
birought you out of your illnoss, inot
the doctor." "Well, hlaybe 110 did1
but y'ou enni bot the doctor will
Mr. Bumel and the Tramp.
[Fromt the Chicago Tribune.]
Mr. Philandeor.. 3unzoll resides
at Roger's Park. Ho is very fond
of playing, practical jokes. All
&tunmgr le bas, )oou annabl on
tertaining his wife, who is a timid
and does not keep a servant,' with
trampliterature, and instructing
her what, to do it caso one of tho
fraternity should call at the houyo
during his " Abseneo. "Sco, Lu
inda, ' he would say, "if one of l
them tramps comes to the house'n
and carries on rough, just you say
you'il set the big dog on him, and
if ho don't get up and got, just you
yell out 'Philander 1 'Philaldor !'
or siy5 ': iu him, Towsor." 'Don't
be scared, Lucinda, don't be
scared."
It occ'u'red to Mr. Bumnzell it
a' 1; by \vwell to test his wife; and
se0 if She Was as efficient in prac
tico at, he claimed to bo theoretic
ally, so yesterday ho told her Ie
had to go to Milwaukee, and
w'ouldn't be home till late. Then
ho ,cuppingly disguised himself as a
vagrom man with some falso hair,
and hair dye, and a suit of ragged
clothes, and . about half-past 10
&elock he waleed around to hit;
oWn1 kitehcnl door, U1 found it
unlocked, and walking into the
kitchen was surprised to find that
his wife was not there. "Just like 1
these women," he growled ; "a man
might come in here aid carry oft'
the whole house out of the door,
and that stup1itl woman'd never
know it. Won't I have 0 he joke on
Lucinda, though !" he said in rapt.
ure, ais he pocketed the spoo1s and
forks. At this moment the door
opened, and Mi. 3umnzell enter.
Sho gave a shriek, and seemned
surprised, andt then said faintly
"\What do you want, sir ?"
Then tho assum~iecd train) r'e
plied ;' "I want some hot dinne;,
:md a suit of clothes, and any
money or plate you may have in the
house, and at kiss."
"(Jo 'way. you bad man, repliea
the virtuu uni: iii:tron ; "go 'way or
I will set the leig dog on you, and
Bosun is awful fierce. Ho bit a
ma larger thuan you on Tuesday,"
she added.
"Ha ! ha '" la:ughed the tramp,
''that. is too thin. You'vo no dog
yon ain't got an ounce of sausage
liacut on the place."
"If you donu'a keep quiet " said
Mirs. Bumeell, "I'll call my husband,
you bad man. Here Fred ! Fred !"
sho slrjeked as the tramp seized a
napkin-ring.
"Yoll away," said he with a mock'
ing laugh "Your husband ain't
here, and his name ain't Fred
either."
"110 isn't, isn't ho ? It ain't.
ain't it !" Ajlekulatod -11 hi;, rod
be'aded Man whomm Mr. Btmzell had
never seen before, as he bounced
in his shim t sleuvos from an inner
room. "Yow infernal scoundrel !"
he cried, as ho with a fearful kick,
he lifted Mr. Bumzoll like a mete
or out of the door into the swill
barrel. "ill teach yot to insult
my wife I" and he hauled Mr.
Bumzoll ont by the neck and
swa'bbe)d the coal heal) with him.
"You thought I wasn't in, oh ?"
and lhe knocked Mr'. Boun'aell's; two
()y(s into one. "Haduift got no
dog, ineither ? Here, Nero-sook !"
and a big blli dog, with a tail like
a p~ieco of macaroni, dr'opp1od his
1 >wr-jaw liko the tail boar'd of a coal
cart, andl applied himself to the
slack of' Mr. B13umizell's panta loons.
"Hii ! Mi\orey I I siurrendecr!
D~on't shoot! Fire I Polico 1IlHere's
yor* mor)1ning papers ! Lucindia !
I'm Bumzell !" yelled the unfortu
uate man.
After somne difficulty, they re
covered aL large per centage of him
from tho dog, and put it to bed
where it was identified as the
property oif P thander Bumzell, of
Rogers Park. It subsequently
tr'anir~iOd that Mrs. Bumzoll's
brotheor, . Froudoricky , had- arrvied
fridnRt. Louis as her hhsh'and ldft
for Milwaukee.- -e
A R~ouoo JoKB ON A LovE.-Tho
1Readng Eagle says that recently a
young man from~ Springfield, (Ches
tor county, , visitedl that city to
buy a numberi of Chr'istmas presents
fog a young lady to whom hoe is one~
gaged. A number of young men
knew of the trip to Reoading, amid as
it was dark when ho neared the
hiouse of his intended, the party
waited for' him along thoe road, and
when lie was thiuking over the of
feet the presenlt would produce, ho
was suddenly met in the road by
four masked men, who caughut him
and tiedl him with a rope, an~d took
the presents from~ him. Hie begged
for his life, but they still continued
to tie hirm hAbd and~ footand thrrw~L
Ihim down addi made him state wheni
the Wf'dd~ing was to take placee, and
what he hadl brought, and how long
he had paid attention to the lady.
To all thieso questions ho answered
proimptl1y and then wonid beg thorn
not toi kill bim. To close the sport
th ey tied his hands secureoy -'bobind,
his hack, taingi his co'at inside out;
first thda~ tyin~g the prdsents on his
lback, they' started him for~ the house
of his itenlded, and throatened that
if he did not go in they would asp
sanlL htrwagim. Heo went in, but
whauut the resalt of the intbrMzw wits
,15 not known.u
AN HEIRESS thWAREI.
Ut1hby Thousand Dolare for the Wife
of a Now York Waiter,
The most absorbing inclent
upon which Eugene Sue founded
luH wonderful story of the "Wan
dering Jow," has very recently been
duplicated in New York city, and
affords additional proof that "truth
is stranger than fiction." At the
close of the year 1756 thoro flour
inhed in the city of Copenlagon t
spenulative l)rghol, but owing to
tie nationtal troublen of the period
his fortune was involved in a series
of disasters, which- at that time
befell the mercantile community.
From the ruins of his wealth he
collected three thounrid rix dol
lars with which to start the world
anow. His changed condition
made him both cautious and occen
trie, and retaining only one-third
of the amount, he caused the re-.
maindor to ho invested'for the bone
fit of hi descendants, and unknown
to his wife and childron inado a will
which providd that of the money
Ho applied neither principal nor
interest should be disturbod for ono
hundred years from thp day of his
death, but that after that time the
accumulated procoeds1 of the origi
nal bequest should b0; equally di
Vided auong all his surviving next
of kin. The testator died in 1778.
After hiH death, the insignificance
of the inlioritanco, coupled with the
singular provision attached to its
disposition, excited snoh littlo in
torest, among his relatives that in aI
few years the whole matter stemus
to have been forgotten, Some two
years ago, however, a Danish law
yer, while exininhiilg the records in I
the office of the register of wills,
at Copenhagen, discovered the
curious will referred to, and forth
with proceeded to seek the heirs
for what had become an enormous
estate.
After much patient investigation
he learned that in addition to a
number of distant relations scat
tored through Germany, Franco
and England, . a Mrs. Julius
.Knochec1nldu1pel, a native of Ham
burg, Germiuiny, and now residing
in a comfortable little cottage at
Hohoken,-was one of the ninety
legal claiants to the estate of it
Diishi merclait, and became en
titled to eighty thousand dollars
as her share of a property as worth
over eight millions, Tins lady is
about twenty-five yoars of ago, pre
possessing in featLo.r, medmmla
height, blonde hair, blue oyes. and
is aipparently as jolly in tempera
imient as she is buxom in appearance.
She has two children living, and
also a mother, who resides with her,
and the neatness of her home at
tests her qualitioe as a good house
wife. Sho was married in 1868 to
.Julius Kioc-hendiippel, a German,
about thirty years of age, five years
employed as waiter at the lunch
counter of a Wall and New street
restaurant in New York. Subse
quently he was unemployed, but
during the past year he obtained a
position in th ladies' room at
MIouquin's restaurant, where he ro
mafinled until October 6. On the
morning of the 5th Mfr, Knoch
endluppul and her mother were
startlod byV thme recep~t of an offieial
ly sealed letter bearing tihe D~anish
postmark. This bore authen tic
tidings oIf her good fortune, and
requiestod her presenico in Copenha
geni n spcedily as possilo,inl order
to obtain hier portioni of the logacyv.
The nlewly' made hioirusis wars almost
betsidc hersolf with joy.
Oni the following moinfg her
husband.1 ' prioimed%.dt aSI usual to
perCUforml his customlary anlties at thme
restaurant, in order not to inicon
being immfornull of the circumh,n
stances abovo relatedl, at 01nCo sup
plied the place (If the enriched
wvaitor, The neows uf this remarka
bio afthir sp)readh rapidly, anid a
wel--known lawyer at onco phla a
loan of several thousanid dollars at
Mr. K(nochonduppel's disposal- to
aid him to tho scee of his newly
acquired wealth,
The Rev, Mr, Burrows, of Ehrnita,
N. Y., was lined $150 somfO mfonths~
ago, by an idiotic jury, who thought
that to rub fried potatoes in his
wife's hair, rub) her down with applu
aucoe, anid dlreas her1 off with a plat
ter', wats nieihr clorical nor1 becomi
ing, lie appealed to ahig(her conhrt,
and explaied that ho onlyr meant
to teaso lher.
A clergyman who wvas earnestly
req1uested to c'~fom and prIa~y at the
bedside of a dying milkman demur
ring, romiarked : "I'll go, but it
isn't anly Sort of tise. I nlovor know
onri Heavonly Father to forgivo one
of that class yet."
A lonely mnani informed a frienk d
that lhe was going to advortiso for
a wife,'and should prefer a poor
girl. "Takce the 11ret one. that
repondsR to your advertisemnent,"
eaid the friend, and you'll be pretty
enro to hava a real poor one."
A hunhbdna finding a piceo broken
ont of his plate, and another ont of
his saucer, potulantly exclahned to
his wife "My dear, it scooms to
me that overyth ing belonging to you
is broken I" "Well1, yes," responded
the wife, "oven you seemn to be a lit
tle crnacd 1"
RAPID TRANSIT,
Tho Old and the New Way of )3urying
the Dead.
Ono of the strongest praectal ob
joctions to dying, fit every wrell--regnl
lated mind, must bo a generous eon
sidoration of the trouble and annoy
anco to which dead persons noecs
sarily put their surviving rolatives
and frinds. Tho famous apology
m1ade by Charles II, of ]England, tc
his attendants for his tediousness in
passing away expressed in a lively and
almost grotesque forte this very atu
ral and proper fooling. It is re
corded of an old lady of New York,
who, in her time had been tho queon
of fashion and the mnotuld of form,
that as she duelinod inl years she
grew more and more noasy
in her mind about the consequoncos
of her inovitable demins. "I really
do not see," this gracious and ton
dor-hearted dowager used to s:y,
"when I can possibly find a Con
venient time to die. If I die in the
autumn or wintor, I shall spoil the
Now York season for the girls ; if
I die in the spring or the summer, I
!hall spoil Newport for them. W1 at
is a poor old woman to do Y" TI is
was perhaps an extravagant thought
fulnoss. But thcro can be no doubt
that the movement recently set on
foot in England for effecting a ro,
form in the costliness of funeralshas
its origin in a real necessity of our
times, not in Englauil only, but in
this country. There can be no
doubt that the funeral culstous of
England aind A.morica have gradu
ally be)omllto intolerably burdensome
upon the living without in the last
implying any genuino increase in
the popular tondorness anld respect
for the dead. This, lower, is searce
ly an adequate reasonfor adopting so
cool and ba.iness-like a viow of the
subject as is sot forth in this adver
tisomont which wo find in the Lon
don Telegraph :
"Rcformed funerals, with patent
'earth to earth' collins. The Lon
don Necropolis Conipany is pre
patred to conduct funerals upon the
principlo recently advocated in the
'n'imes, dispensing with all proe.
sion, and without the intervention
of the ordinary undertaker at any
stage of the proecodings. All that,
is necessary is that in cas of death
notice of the event should 1.o
sont immediately to the ollice, 2
Lancaster place, Strand, W. C."
The moaning of this proposal
would scm to be that London has
organised an expross company for
getting defunct personsi out of the
custody of their friends, and limer
the sod with leatnes4s andt] despatch,
in the shoi test possibl time, and at
the least expense. If the dead alone
were to be Consulted in this matter,
or those about to die, this miiht
be well enough. But after all, the
tender pains and care which the
living bestow upon their dead have
a real value for the living ; and
odious an the undertaker iid his
mutes may be, the intervention of
a "Necropolis Company," whisking
the remains of the loved and lost
away, as if they were so nuch rub
bish, to be "shot" as soon and as
deftly as possible, will hardly be
mole wholesome or more praise
worthy.
Tux M::.Ar FAMINE.-AccOunts <(I
tile loss of meal, iln this settlomanent,
from the late warms sonson1, cantiiO
to reach us8 from all fidols, This in
certailhy a great misfortune, for, ii
we clearly disorn the situation be
fore uts, theo year upon01 which wt.
hlave entered is likely to b)e on10 of
the most trying since the war,
From nlearly every county in1 thai
State tile sam11 reports reach us, Ii
Wairenton county, N C., over forty
thnnannud piomiids were lost, and it is
fearod that a million pounda wil
not covdr tile loss in that one Stato
It really scorns that a mat fain
is throautoned. The loss will fal
heavy upon01 the ufflor'tunatosl i
tis country, as they are mllostly
p)oor, and d1opond chliefly upor
their own raising for a support
Lactiaster Ledger.
Tnnml S'arRIPS oF A IiARh1ER PolE.
A gilt knob ait tile end of a barbori
p)o1e represents tile brass basit
'which was formerly actually sue
ponlded from the p~ole, TIhe basi,
had ai notch (cut ill it tol Ait the thrloat
and was used for lathering custom
ers who came to be shlaved. Thle
polo represented tile Btait h1olt
mn bloodletting, and thle two spira
ribbons Pain)toel round it reproente
od the two bandages, one for twisting
ar'ound tile arm previous to till
operationi, and the other for hinding
Barbers, in the (o1((en timo, wort
surgeons, but have faillen from thei:
high estate sin1co science han mad
its voice 'to be0 heardI on hlighl.' TI
this dlay, however, tile gnlild of 'bar1
ber surgeons' retain thloir ancien
hall1, ini Mlonk well street, (Irip)plegautc
Londonl.
N~o wn1l bred gontleoman wvill Spi
on the carpo6. of a lady's parlo
while there is a vase within eas,
reach on the m~antOpiccO.
Fourtoen Free Masons have booi
tried and convietod in P'orto Riu'
Their crime was a violation of th
ordinances of roligion forbiddinj
mnembership in a secret societ3
Three of them have been sentencoe
to four, and eleven to tito yearu
itpnsrimont.
All Sorts.
"Courtship is blisS," said an ar
dent young Iuan. "Yes, and muatri
iony is blister," snarlod an old
bachelor.
Teacher--''Vhnt is the dolinition
of flirtationi ?" Intelligent youn
pupil---"It in exttention Without in,
ten tion."
In Cineiniiati every other stro ot
lamap is to be oxtinguishod, thereby
ci'ceting an annual saving of
$82,000.
A little boy led his (log two lileF
reetntly to see if his hind feet would
atch'i up1) to his front, ones ; and still
omle peopl think juvonilos haveut'
original theorios.
So1lm(e people think T weod is
stil in tho city. We think hu's still,
whorover ho is.--A. T. Commer
ci'd Advertise'.
The length of deep sea cable lanid
in the world is 70.000 miles. 1'ho
world telegraphic linon extend over
400,000 Iniloe, and thorn arc 160,000
miles of railroad.
"le was one of the most energotic
trusteos," says a village paper in an
obituary notico, "and we trusteos
happy.,
"I'm Imarried now w\'a13 the excuse
of at Clhicago youth gave a florist for
not buying as many luqullets as inl
former yearsH.
TJ'hmero in seinething peculiarly
chivah-ois in it boy's lispoRition. If
he sees a strange boy opposite, he
will crosfs the street to ask him if
he wanto to light.
There is a man in Indiam who
takes thirty newsppers, and you
might as well try to ride it whirlwind
on a side ;addlo ta to attempt to
inpoBo Upon that man.
rJSydncy Smllithi once rel)lkOd a
w1ear31in1g visitor by saying, "Let uts
aw1.um0 that every thing and every
,oiy are d:unned, aid procoed with
]Every mlilan should have romethinig
to do. even if it is otly sitting on at
stool behind the lars in a county
jail and counting theminutos before
dinner.
.'There is no Special style of en
graving engagemi+ent riigs, A spi
i dar's weh, with a fly in it, is a very
pretty device.
Two telegraph oporatorl in )opa
rate Hartford oalicos qu-irrollod
over the wires until on challenge'd
the othe'r to meet hin liii]f way and
fight They iet, and had it out in
listicuffsl.
A Wastern eritie objects to
female barbers *'on account of the
disastrous shave whiebI MrsI.
Sampson gave her "lInhad" It/s
I very mean to keep raking up those
little bits of unpleasantness.
Over the porch of the Old South
Church, at Boston, is chiselled: "Be
hold I I have Pet before you an
opo] door," an d nloder, on the (1ot) r,
is prlint.d inl emphttic letters,
"Positively 110 aldmittanlce."
A baichelor, retuirning from a ball
in a cr'owdedt coa5ch, dleclared ith LI
groan tht he had not, th~e silighitest
ob~jotio Ito1 "t'rings onl113 hisl1~inger,
but he hmul a most uequlni al avor,
sion to "belles on is toesi."
"Selling out att (cost !" wasC the
annuoinnent wvhichi meit the
shMIopper's Ceye. "At whosC o nti,
shie mlodestly ask(!d of the propr1io
ter, "At t~he buyer's msadam," hc
Vhiapored1, and p)olitely b)owed hoi
out.
The mammoulith hotel to be bmit
att t,. Louis b~y Bositont capi taliists
will bo 12 stoiries, 303) feet, nare,
17() feet high, anud will contain
2,000 rooms, accomumodatting 3,500
lodg~ers.
Mrs. Helina Walker, of WVinsHton
for bor company, and waits onl th<
table, Hecr husband, Buckner, is
101 years old, Lhale, heart y, an11
alttonds~b to tihe dutiont of his mill,1
As everyb~ody ins intorosteod inl th<(
matter of cheap food, it iln lefaan
to learn from tho monthly repor't o:
the dopar tiont of agricultare, that
the corn crop of 18375 is one of thi
largent ever grown in thin contry
thLat the p~otat()crop) is extr'aoiinary
both in prIodnet and gniality, 'am1)
that the the buck wheat crop equalh
that of last year.
An Irishman, on arriving in thu
country, took a fancy to a Yankou
rgirl, and wvroto to his wvife :'JDoai
Na1a thesoe molancholy liines aro t<
informs you thant I died yostord(ay
Sand h)01) yonl are' enljoying the sam151
lessHing,. I reoomend you to mar
ry Jerry O'.Rouke, andL take care' o:
the childrefn, Fr'om your affection
ato huisband till death.
"Pa, are you in favor of the IBibhi
in pubhliC schsools ?i" asked a WVes
Side y'oungstor at the b~reakfaiu
tablo the other morning. "Why, o:
course, I ami," respondedl the fatther
leaDsedO that such1 ani imp1Jortanlt subl
IjeCt shouIld engage the attention o
his youthfuil on'spring. "Whwm
mnuaken you ask such a.question, m11
50on V" "0, niothLing," reOjoined~ th14
young hopoful, "only I though
Imaybe you wasn't, nta you never 1hav<
had one at home." TheI urchh~
dodgnd. hnt he wasn't qmiek enourb
WESTERN ETIQUETE.-A Yankee
traveler out west has written to his
mother, telling her his experience,
as follows :
"Westernor people are death on oti.
quotto. You can't toll a manl he lies,
without fighting. A fow days a o a
man was telling one of his neigh
bors, in my hearing, a pretty largo
story. Says I, 'Stranger that's a
whoppor,'
-'Says he, 'Lay there, stranger,' and in
the twinkling of an eye, I found my
self in the ditch, a perfect quad
ruped.
"Upon anothor occasion says I to
a man I never saw before, as a woman
passed, 'That isn't a specimen of
your Western women, is it 7"
"Says he," 'You're afraid of fever
and agno, ain't you ?'
"oIry much,' says I.
"Well,' repliodjho, 'that is my wife ;
and if you don't apologiso in two
minutos, by the honor of a gontle.
manl, I swear that these two pistols,'
which he hold cocked in his hands,
'shall cure you of that disorder on
tiroly.' So I knelt down and po
litoly apologised. I admire the
Western country very much ; but
durn me if I can stand so much
otiquitto-it always takes me un
awares."
Thu Suez Canal has been pur.
chased by Great Britain as a politi
cal mensuro. This step is a bold
and audacious one, and considered
in relation to oho British posses.
Sint; in Ildia, the oncroatm'iients of
Utiia in Contral Asia, the natural
antagonismti btween the Khodivo
and the Porte, and the troubles
which aro constantly springing out
of the Eastern question, its impor
tan'o cannot be overestimated.
The possession of this great work
gives England a powerful advantage
m the complications of the future,
oho tue. Canal being the key which
closes,- or tinlocks the communication
betweeni the West and the East.
An Onondaga minister, who
proaches to an agricultural commu
nit y, finds it difficult to collect hiA
pay. One farmer said at the end
of the year, "I have subscribed forty
dollars for preatching ; I will givO
you i cow, and call it square. She's
ia blamniod poor cow, just liko your
proalcling." 'Tho parson drove
home the cow.
Hcavy shipments of American
brooms are now made to England
and (lerm any. For swooping pur
poses they are said to be far su
perior to tho English and German
article but when it comes to an
argumnent )'twoon a woman and her
husband, the foreign article is pro
forred--the handles being so much
heavier.
The )anbury NVewas man, who
Wears a very promising boot, went
ho11me to tea the other night, and
being asked to get a scuttle of coal,
rhe refusod, hocause of weariness.
Said het "It don't sem as if I
could put olio foot before the other."
"What's the matter?" asked the
misorablu woman "ain't there
room '" He got tho coal.
At J. 0. BOAG'S
DRYi GOOTDS, FANOY GOODS)
AND) MILLINERY B3AZAAR.
Ti'MOM now unt' il rat Jan. 187'6 Millia
.L nory emwbrac'ing latentL styles oif hlats
and ltnnet.. Itibblons, 1lowers, FHIather
or all kinds, veils, illusionhs, ailks,notta,
velvols, crapes, ornamnenita &c.
DR~Y 0001D8,
Consisting in part of binek ana r~olored
alp~iaa, ani asortmenit of different kinds
of diressmateLLIrls. ,Vater piroofing, lan nels,
a full line of cuthicoes, bleaced and une
undelitrvos't, honlevardsli, shawls, cloaks,
Ifurs, OOrSe t , tarletanls, swissos, nainmsooks,
&c. hiosiery, gloves in great variety, hand
kurchieft, notions, buittonsI andi triminugs.
different kinds, lad1ies' and gents t~ios,fanef
and jet, jewelry to arrivo for the holidays,
Our fancoy geoods are fall and complete.
A fll sock of sih9es, hats8, readymiado
cloing, drawer, shrts &c. Famuiily
groUOries of all kinil, a fall stook always
on had, freshm arrivals daily. You will
uind orythinng you wanthby calling on J 0
lIOA(O, on the corne)r. Hoveral hiandcsome
wardrobe's, bjedsteadsn, mlatresses, leungos,
cradles, andi safes for salte vory cheap. jDe
ro to) call onl J () llOAG.
Lumberi' I Iambehlr I always en band and
r sale by J (I 10AG.
Voua will find a full and complete stock
abunost eerything. very low and cheap
awi, want to dimfinish stock at
dec 8 J OBOAG'S.
CHRISTMAS GOODS I
UTE have a nice assortment of
BY]ooks, Albums and Fancy
Articles for tile holidlaysi.
ICustomers wvill ploafte call before
Christmas, as we will close on that
(lly MOAsTEa & Thmoc,
dce 21
rnsure Your Gin Houses.
r il[lF, Itiohmnond Fire Association of
IVirginia alfords an opportunity to
plantors to insure their (tin Houses and
Cotton.
p-Now is the tiame, delay Is dangarous
.JAN. " LAW, A rent,
'I at, n' - ,f JM .alloway