Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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. ?_i_c _ j_? ?; 'lurr TWO DOLLARS PER ANNUM. )? (ioi) ^vt>ti) o.un ooiJNrr inr. VOLUME 6. SATURDAY MORNlN?, DECEMBER 21, 1872. -{ ALWAYS IN ADVANCE NUMBFU 45 IHE OR?NGEBURG NEWS ?:o:?' PUBLISHED AT Every Saturday Morning. BY THE OttANGEBUR? NEWS COMPANY ?:o:? TERMS OP S?HSCRIPTION. Ob? Copy for one year. $2.00 " ?? " Six Months. 1.00 Any one" sending TEN DOLLARS, for a Clnb of Now Subscribers, will recctvo an fcXTRA COPY for ONE YEAR, free of charge. Any ono sending FIVE DOLLARS, ?r a Club of New Subscribers, will receive an F.XTRA COPY for SIX MONTHS, free of charge. ?:o:? RATES OF ADVERTISING. 1 Square 1st Insertion. $1.o0 ?? ? 2d " . l.OO A Square consists of 10 lines Ilrcvicr of ?no inch of Advertising space. Adrainistrito>-'b Notices, .r....$6 00 Notices of Dismissal of Guardians, Ad ir.lnistrators, Executors, kc....Sff 00 Contract Advertiscmcnis inserted upon Hie most liberal terms. -r-:o:~ . MARRIAGE and FUNERAL NOTICES, bot exceeding ono Square, inserted without charge. s&- Terms Cash In dvnnce. "*aa Browning & Browning1, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, OR V.YtiEIH SU; Ci II., No. Ca. Malcolm I. BaoWKiso. A. F. Rr?whino. ?ev 4 AUGUSTUS B. KNO WLTON (Formerly ot the New Yof\ Bur.) ATTORNEY ?ND COUNSELLOR AT LAW, OnAXttKKL'ltU, 8. ?? Jnly 8 ^_it TRIAL JUSTICE, Resldohcc fit Fork or Fdlwlo, ALL BUSINESS ENTRU8TED rill lie promptly and ca/ef?hy attended to. Jnly 2? i.v DR, T. BERWICK LEG ARE; SURGEON DENTIST, tSradnatc Baltimore College Dental Surgery. bFFICfc it?RttftT-Sf. OVER 8TOR? OF J. A. HAMILTON, METALLIC CASES. THE UNDERSIGNED HAS ON HAND nil of the various Sixes of tho above Cases, Which can be furbished immediately on ap . plication. Also manufactures WOOD- COFFINS as Usual, and at the sbertest notice. Apply to If. RIG GS, irtar 6?6m Carf i?ge Manufacturer. HEEDER & DAVIS, COTTON FACTORS ?Ja%% General Commission Merchants, Adner'* 1Yhar/} CHARLESTON, S. C. ,5iwf.ll RssDsa. Zimmkrmak Davis oot 16 Cm If. F. Baooii. R. R. Houai.vs II. C. Hudoins. BKODIE <fc CO. COTTON FACTORS ami .?COMMISSI?^ M EUCH ANTS, X?RTII A TLANTI6 WII'AUP, 'CHARES-TON. S. C.' ? Liberal Advances made on Consignment. 'IUrr.ii to Andrew SMuohds, Esq., Pres t ?st Nati'ohsl Baak, Charleston, 8. 6. niay 21 wao ;tf WASHINGTON HOUSE BY M. W, Stratton, ooavxa GERVAIS & ASSEMBLY STREETS COLUMBIA, & JU* Convenient to the Greenville nud Charleston Railroads and the Business portiou of the City. Rate of Transient Board?Two Dollars per Day. ? Regular Banders received at Reesonablo Toftfc ST?ItV. 'Did you crcr hear of my oriental ad venture ?' ?a5d Tom, perching himself upon ihc Counting-house dosk. 1 Your oriental adventure V asked Ned,, a mnxetil. 'Well, It's worth hearing ' Said Tom, 'if it did happen to mo It was when 1 was iu Damascus, a mere uttacne of a grave diplomatic patty, a boy of twenty, who might u? well lmvc beeri left at bouie, I suppose.' 'I 8hould Fny Bo,' fttid Ned. 'When you belonged to a diplomatic party, ami wore in Damascus. You?well V 'I was in u bazaar,' said Tom. 'Eng lishmen always bunt bazaars when they are in Damascus.' 'Oh,' Said Ned, 'do they V 'I hud bought cigar cases and smok ing caps and tobacco bags, and all *orts of things,' said Tom. 'I bad slippers and scar!j) and a shawl for my mother, and a garment of red silk and gold ? bread of which 1 did not know the name. And I was buying a pipo of oriental style, with a long stem, and a water bottle for the s:n,>ko to pass through, when a great puffy bag of black silk enveloped a lady paused near me, and squitted down before the shop of a young jewel merchant, for the purpose of examining bis brae.lots. 'Only the eyes of this Gguro Were Vibiblc, but they were blacker aud more beaut il'uljjthau those of any heroine of tbo Arabian Nights' Entertainments, und they sent a sensation through my heart to which it rial happily ue yet a si ru ngcr. 'Hchiml the figure stood the le.?s care fully vailed pcrso.i of an old female ser vant. Boujti gray hair struggled over a wriukled forehead; and tho Vail even rerouted tbu upper part oi b,or Uigh/noHO. :Sho was tho guardian of the young beauty probably. That it V.M8 a young beauty thus hid under tho .dlkco loon 1 hud no doubt. It was like an oriental tale. 'The jewel merchant was busy with bis wares. The merchant of bubble bubbles with his and 1113* money. No one but the old woman saw the beauty make tot a little sign with her exquisite band ; but she did it. The sigti seamed to say, 'Wait.' 1 waited. ??What I waited for I hardly ktlew. I understood the customs of the country well enough to be aware, that I cnul 1 not speak to this damsel, or be uddrcssud by her, in the open streets; but I uu dcrstood young women Well* criough to know that something was" in store for mo in the way of tfn adventure. My reper toire, of gesture is not largo. No Eng lifihman's is. I nodded a 'Ves.' It sufficed. As she went away, guarded by her old altcnd^t, sbc repeated the ti'otiorJ. ?Wait,' it said again*. 'Yes,' replied my nod. 'There was a coffee-house close at band, open to the street like all tlu other ehfipe. Thoro, with my bubble bubbles in my baud, I squatted uu 11 cushion, and sipped ami smoked I al so ato something. It may b;>vc been the conserve of pomegranates without I'cppcr, of which wc rend iu ibe Aiabian Nights. It Was sweet; it melted on the palate. It 1- ft bebiud a delicious taste und fragrance. It was oriental to the last, degree. 'Near mo, one smoked something stronger than tol aeco?hasheesh per haps?that sent biui, by and by, into a etrango sort ot sleep, his eyes half opened, Iiis hands dropped on their backs, half shut, against the cushions, the pipe still between his lips. 'Within tho coffee-shop, a story-teller threw down a little flat basket for con tributions, and began bis narrative with. 'In the name of Allah !' 'It was about the genii ; but I h id little comprehension of tho tale, my knowledgu of tho languago being so poor. 'Iuf' its midst I saw a figure pass - pauso- '-make n sign to me. 'It was the old woman, the servant of my mysterious .beauty. I flung a coin to the story-teller, and follo?" d her. 'She went on for a lon^ while, until 1 begun to think that slic would never speak to ore ; but at laBt she paused upder tho shadow of tho blank white plaster walls of a houso in a quiet part of I'm- city, and suddenly letting dowti it long wisp ?f gray hair, took from it it letter?a little crooked thing written tin bright paper, and fireach cd with por furue. ? I t..rc- it ppeo. It was written ir. gjiffcr Knf>liGh. 'I n littlo English' know,'it began. ?My mother she English. Most beauti ful ! I wait for you. Come.' 'When ?be said 'most beautiful,' did sho mean frou f asked Dick, in nmazr. 'Yes,' 8;iid Tom, 'of course' ?"What do the gentlemen look like there ?' asked Dick. 'Where shall [ go'/" I asked of the old woman. 'She beckoned. Again I followed. V'e walked oh, she going before, I fol'owmg, until she paused bclbro a white plastered wn'l, in which was a narrow door. Cnlocking this, she motioned ma to enter, and almost trend ing on my hods in her bastle, instantly tiliped in alter tue and reloeked it. 'I found myself in the most beautiful garden imagination can depict. A (buu tain played in the center, and flowers of tlic most gorgeous colors bloomed in the splendid vases and urns that surrounded it. ileyoud it was a roso arbor. Obey ing the o'd wotpan's n otions, I entered the door Of this fragrant retreat. 'On the instant, two beautiful arms were east about my neck, at.d a voice like thut of a uigliiugalo softly breathed those words: 'Oh, how lo|ig I have Waited lor you, joy of my soul !' 'It was the girl whom I bad seen at the bazaar. 1 knew her eyes aud her I amis at once, und L knew also that 1 had met rbjf fate. I loved her on thu instant as well us .-he seemed to love me.' 'Brother,' said Dick'. '1 cuu't uukc ynit understand that de licious emotion,' said Tom, sighing. ?There we sat. together, talking as lovers who had Leen parted fur years. She slipped a ring upon my finger. I gave her one from nunc. I vowed to bear her away to the hind where lovers were not the shire* they wcro there, und she ptomised to meet me at the little gir?cn gate ut midnight, when in disguise, 1 would convey her to a place ot safety, procure the protection of our eounsul. with whom I was intimately acquainted, and marry that very night.' ?H?ing it fi st,' sdid" Dick. To:n sighed. 'Suddeuly, us we sat there,' said he. 'the oh! woman rushed iuto tho arbor She whimpered a word to my beautiful lady-love, who wrung her hands iu ter ror.' 'Fly for your life !' ?ho said". 'If Allah spares my life, i will meet you at the gate at midnight. If not adieu until wc meet iu Paradise.' 'Then the old woman seized mo by the arm, hurried me to the gate, pushed me out, and locked it behln 1 mo. ?TitogarHefi vanish id. Isaw my love no more. I s it bewilderod upon a rough Stone bench. It had boon like a story of the Arabian Nights tints lar. II >w would it cud ? 1 knew not. ?Don't ask me what I did with my self iluring the remaining hours of the day. 1 knew rJ?thiug of th.cin. 'At midnight 1 sat npon the stone bench again, clad iu a coarse oriental drqss. but with a pistol hidden beneath it. 1 had resolved nt'tcr to die than to allow her to be torn from inc. It was hive :it first sight that 1 felt, but ycurs could not have made it stronger. ?1 waited. The moon arose round and yellow in the sky. Tho fcahery hotids of the date palms Boomed to nod to mo A strange bird uttered a thrill cry. A dog barked. I beard steps within the garden, and shrank hack into the shadow. They were not the steps of woman. As I listened tho gate opined, and four black slaves, boating a burden, ciircrgod thcre-froiu. As the moonlight fell upon them, I saw that they held tho sides of a great tacK. 'They marched away toward the river. Ah I Watched them,' dreading 1 knew not what, the old woman, with her hair dis hevelled, rushed out of the garden, and wringing her bauds, pointed nl'tcr them . 'What has hippcued'?" I shriked. 'She threw into my hands a littlo note tho counterpart of thcono I had received that. day. *I tore it open and read theso words : 'Adieu! the Caliph baa discovered all. I was his wife. The fate of an unfaithful wife in this land is to bo sewed up in a bug oi lime, and cast iuto tho river. Adieu, forever. Naida; 'With a wild shriek I rushed nflftr tho retreating slaves, and?awoke.' 'Eh V said Ned ; 'uWoke V ?Yea,' said Tout. 'Thft was when I Was dowu with that bad fryer threo^oara ?go, nud 9am had been showing me n Turkish pipe", nnd my black haiSd cous in Hello bed read rne t? sloop with the 'rtowadji in Syria: nnd* out oft*i?b three tl.v.gs, nn oriental pipe, a jWetty burn etto and an exquisite book, my; adven ture iu Damascus with the beautiful tuuiden wus born.' A Child's- Dreniii. all . nv CtlARI/BS DICK K.S'S. There was" once a child, and ha strolled about a good deal, and-thought of a number of thing*. Ho had a sister, who was a child, too, aud hia^eonstant eompanion. These two used to wonder all day long. They Wondered at the beauty of flowers ; they wondered at the goodness aud power of God, who made the lovely world. They used to say to oneanotlibr some times : "Supposing all the children on the earth were to die, would'tire flowers, and the waer, and tho sky be sorry ?*' They believed they would 1)0 sorry. "For," said they, "the buds rtre the children of the flowers, and tlte playful little streams tbut gambol down the hill sides are the children of waters' r and the smallest bright specks playing at bide and seek iu the sky nil night umat surely be tho children of the stars; and they would be grieved to see their playmates, the children of men, no more.'V, There was a star that us?d to oomo on tho sky before the rest, wear the church spire, above the graves. It was larger and more beautiful they thought tli.in all tho others, aud every night they watched for it, standing baud iu baud by the window; wdioovcr saw it first Cfiod odl : "1 sec the star !" Aud often they -cried out togethor, knowing so well when it would ris? aud whero. So llicy grew to bv~?*itHV i7i?:.id.->| w'.th it that before lying down in their beds they looked out once again to bid it good night; and when they were turning around to sleep, they said?> "God blcM that star 1" But while site w&* still very young, oh, very young, the sister drooped, and came to be Bo weak tfiut srra could no longer stand" in tile window at night, and then the child looked sadly by him self, and when he saw, th j star, turned round to the patient, pale lace on the bed, and said "I Sec the star!" and then a smile would como upon her face, und tho weak little voice used to say. "Good bless my dear brotber nnd the star !" Aud so tho timo came all too snon, when there was no fj?eo on the bed ; and there was a little grave among the grates not there beforo, and when the star made long rays towards bitu who ?saw" it through his tears. Njw, these rays were so bright, and tb^.y seemed to make such n beautiful way from earth to heaven, that when the child went to bis solitary bed, he dreamed of the star ; aud dreamed that lying whero ho was, be saw a train of] people taken up the shining road by angels. And the stup opening, showed him a great world of light, whero many more such angeto waited to receive them. All the angels who were waiting turned their beaming eyes upon the peoplo who wero carried up into the star; n?d! sertn came out from the long rows iu which they stood, and fall upon the p ople's ne>:ks and kissed them tenderly, and went away With them down avenues of light, aud wero so hap py in their company, that lying in bed ho wept for joy. His ticnr sisier's nngel lingered near the entrance of the star, and said to tho leader among those who bad brought the people thither : "Has my doar bro'.hcr como ?" Sho was turning hopefully away, when tho child stretched out bis arms, nad said---"0, my dear sister, I urn hero! take me!" aud then she turned her sweet beaming eyes upou hint, and theiigit was night, and the star was shining iuto his room, making rayi down toward htm as he saw them through bit. tea's. From that moment tho child looked out upon the Star us oue of the homes ho was to go to, whon tho time should como nnd be thought he did not belong to earth uloiic, but to the star, too, bc causo of his i-isler'B angel gono beforo. There was a baby horn to bo brother of the child; and while ho Was yet so JitthVthat be had never spoken word ho stretched bis tiny foeiu out up on tho bed, end died. Agu'in the child dreamed of the open star, and the company of angels, and tho train of people's faces. Said his sister's angel to the leader : "llufl my dear brother conic V And ho said : "Not that one. but another.'* An the child beheld bis brother's angel iu her arms, ho cried : uO dear sister, 1 am here ! take me !" And she turned and Biniled upon him, and the star was shining. lie grew to be a young mau, and was busy with his books, when au old ser vant came to him, and said : ''Thy mother is fio more. I brin< her blessing on bor dear, darling sou." Again that night he saw the star, ami that former company. Said his sister's angel to the. leader : ? Has my dear brother come?*' Aud ho answered: ? Thy mother." A mighty cry of joy went forth j through all the stars, bee itiso the mother was uuitcd with her two child ren. Aud he stretched out his arms and cried : mO| my sweet mother, sister aud brother, I am bore ! take me I" And they auswercd : '?Not yet j" and the stare was shining IIo grew to be a man whose hair was turning gray, and Was sitting by tho fireside heavy with grief, and with his face bedewed with' tears, when the star opened oucc again. Said bis sitter's a'ngel to the leader : "ilus my dear brother como '(" And he said : "Nay, but his Saiden daughter." Aud the man who h id been a child, saw bis daughter newly lost to htm, a celestial criaturc among those three, and said,? "My dear daughter's head is upon my mother's bos?m, and her arm is around old timo, and I can bear tho parting from her, 'God be praised.'' Aud tho .star wus shining. | And (he child came to be an old man, aud bis back was bent. And one night as bo lay upon his bed, his children standing around him, ho cried as hs had cried so long ago I *' I sec the star !" And they whispered to onn another: ?He is dyiug." And he said,? "I am. My ago is falling from tue like a garment, aud I roose toward the star as a child. Ami, (J my Father, now I thank Thee, that it has so often opened to rcceivo the dear ones who await me:'* And the star was shining; aud it shines upon his grave. The Case of Young Jiangs. BY MAX ADEI.&It. When Mr. Bangs, the cider, rUutnod from Kurope he brought with him from (jeneva a miniature musical box, long and very narrow, and altogether of hard ly greater dimensions, say, than a large pocket knife. Tho instrument played four cheerful little tunes for tho benefit of tho Bangs family, aud they enjoyed it very much: Young' Wi Mia in Hangs enjoyed it to such an extent that, one dr,y just' after the machine had been wound up rouly for action, bo got up sucking tho end ul it, and iu a moment of inadvertence it slipped aud he swallowed the whole concern. The only immediato coiisequcueo of the accident was that a harmonic stomach-ache was immediately organized upou tho interior of William Bangs, and ho experiouoed a rcstlesi*uc*a whieh hu wull knew would defy the soothing teuduueies of pepcr mint and make a mockery of paregoric. And William Hangs kept his secret iu his own soul, aud iu his stomach also, determined to hide his: misery from his father and to spare the rod to the spoiled child?spoiled at auy rate as fur as his digestive npparutus was cottccrned. But that evening at the supper-tublo W. Bangs had eaten but one mouthful of bread when strains of wild, mystorious music were suddenly wafted from under the table. The entire family immediately groped around upon tho floor, trying to discover wheneo tho sounds came, al though William Bangs sat thcro lillod with agony and remorse, aud bread and tunes, and desperately asserted his bo lief that the music came from Mary Aua? who might perhaps be playii ; uu on tlio harp or tho dulcimer iu the cellar.] Ho well knew that Mary Ann was uufumillinr with the harp, and that to her the dulcimer w&} as much un in solvable problem as it would have been to a fish tug worm; and ho was awaro that Mary Aon would have scorned, under any circumstances, to cvoko music while sitting upon the refrigerator or reposing iu the coal-bin. Hut he was frantic with anxiety to hide his guilt. Thus it is that one crime leads to another. But he could not disguise the truth forever, and that very uigbt, while the family was at prayers, William Hangs all at once got the hiccups, and the music box started off without warning with "A Life ou the Ocean Wave and a Home on tho ltolliug Deep/' with variations. Whereupon tho "paternal Bangs arose from his knees and grasped William kindly but firmly by his hair j and shook him up, aud inquired what bo meant by such conduct. Aud Wil-I linn threw cut a kind of a general idea J to tho effect that he was" practicing something l'or n Sunday-school celebra tion, which old Baugs iutimalcd was a I diugularly thin explanation. Then tiny tried to get up that music- J box, and every time they would seize young William by ^thc legs aud shako bim over tho sofa cushion; or would throw some fresh variety of emetic down J his throat, the harmonium within would 1 give a fresh Fpurt an i joyously grind out "Listeu to the Mockiug-Bird," or I "Thou'lt Never Cease to Love." So they abandoued the uttciupt, and I were compelled to permit tho musical- I box to remain within the ubpulehral recesses of the epigastrium of William Bangs. To say that the unfortunate victim of the disaster was made miser able by his condition, would be to ex press in the feeblest manner the state of his mind. The mure music there was ia bis stomach the wilder and more edm- J plctclj eTtaoti? J?, tl.,. die?eiii i* bis soul. Just n3 likely a* not it would occur that while he lay asleep in bed ia the I middle of the night the melody works within would begin to revolve, and would I play ''Home, Sweet Home," for two or 1 1 three hours, unless the peg happened^to slip, when the cylinder would slip back I agaiu to "Life on the the Occau Wave and a Home ou the Rolling Deop," and would rattle out that tune with varia tions and fragments of the scales until 1 William Hang's brother would kick hiui J out of bed iu wild despair, and sit on ] him iu ruin effort to subdue the sere- 1 naJo, which, however, iuvariably pro-1 cccdcd with fresh vigor wheu subjected I to uu usual pressu'ro Aud when William Hangs went to j church it frequently occurred that, in the very midst of the most solemn por tion of the sermon, he would 4eol a gentle disturbance under the lowest but- j tou of Iiis jacket; and presently, when everything was hushed, the undigested ongino would give a preliminary buzz, I nnd then reel off "Listen to the Mock- I ing Hird" and ''Thou'lt Never Cease to Love," and scales aud exercises, until I tho clergyman J would stop and glare at William over his spectacles, and whisper I to one of the deacons. Then the sexton j would suddenly take up the aisle and clutch the ( unhappy Mr. Bangs by the collar, aud scud down the aisle again to 1 tho accompaniment of #"A Life on the Ocean Wave and a Home on tlio Holling Deep," and then incarcerate William in tho upper portion of the steeple until after church. But the end came at last, and the miserable ollspring of the senior Hangs found peace. One day, while* ho was sitting iu the school cudeavoriug to Icarii bis multiticatioii tablo to tho tune of "Home Sweet Home," his gastric juice triumphed. Something or other io the music box gave way all at once, tho springs were unrolled with alarming f jrco, und Willi.?.i Hangs, as he felt the frag ments of the instrumeut hurled right and left among his vitials, tumbling over the tloor and cxirped At thepoRt-mortvm examination they found several pieces of "Ilouio, Sweet rtotno" ir. his live?*, whilo ono of his lungs was severely torn by a fragment of "A Life outheOocan Wave," Small partielcB of '??Listen to tho Mocking Bird" aud three brass pegs of "Thou'lt Novcr Cease to Lovo" were foand firmly driven into his fifXh rid. They had no music at tho funeral. Thoy sifted tho machinery out of him, aud buried him quietly in the cemetery. ' ? * ' ?, ?f Whenever the Bangsee buy musioal boxes now they get them as large as ? piano, and chaiu them to the wall. Animal Sagacity. 1.NSTI NC l' ?V A MONTANA MABK. Tho Virginia City Moutanian says that Mr. John Fletcher, of Norwegian, owns an unbroken cayu3e mare, which runs in a pasture adjoining his h?sJsej The mare (which is very wild) has a young colt at her side. A few mights since, after Mr. Fletcher had retired, he was aroused by tho mate coming to the window of bis hdusc, and by pawing1 neighing, and in evory way possible try ing to got his attention, This contin uing for some time, he got up and wont out aud drove her away, and returned again to bed; but she immediately return-? ed and, if possible, increasod her demon strations. Ho again went out, when the mare came up to him aad robbed her nord against hiui, although always before) she had been very shy of allowing any one to corny within rcadh of her, thcrt ran on a few yards before him, contin uing her neighing; tiled, as he did not follow her, ehe returned to him, rubbing against bim in tho most demonstrative manner. He attempted to drive her off, struck her with a stick and followed her a few yards to frighten her away* As soon, however, as ho turned toward the house she returned and tried in every way to prevent hint from doing so. He. then remarked that her colt was not with her, a fact bo had not noticed be* fore, as it was quite dark. It occured to htm then to follow bur, which ho did. So soon as she Saw he was doing So she ran off before him, stopping every fc* yards, turning around to sco that he was still following, then again running od keeping up her calling, until she reach ed a distant part of tho field, where she stopped at an old "prospect hole/' On coming up with her she again comruen* oed rubblug again* 1*;.*, widdrew his attention to the hole, where he soon duu covered the colt. It appears it had slipped into it and was unable to get out and tho mare had taken this method to obtain assistance. Being unable to get it out alone. Mr. Fletcher went for some of his neighbors, and with them returned. While they were taking the ittlo fellow out tho mare manifested the most intense delight, and seemed almost beside herself with joy; and afterward ,? when the men had got oat of the hole, i .?he dame up to Mr. Fletcher, and ntatsakM nig her nose od his shoulder gave every % sign of gratitude that a human mother might under similar circumstances. Tho following is the advertisement of a restaurant in a Colorado' newspaper.! "And Joseph wept aloud, and said unto his brethren, 'I am Joseph; doth my father yet live?' And his brethren answered him, siying, 'You bet I the old! mau is doing bully! ho eats at the Cosmopolitan, 48 Blake street, Denver, Col." Punch, has got hold of this, ana expresses his htirror at such language being addressed to the descendants of the Pilgrim fathers. There ought to be straight, square, stand up ativeness about an advertise ment that will Convince without a doubt. Do uot say, "My stock is certainly,** or 1 is doubtless" the best; say it is the best) you cannot get beyond that if yon swear to it It si worse yet to say, "One of the beat;" of, "Among the best'" as though you wauted to bo Washington with his hatchet. Keep the best, and let every cue know it, And the Lord ?rill befriend you. A~ toper got so much on his Stomach the other' day'that said organ repelled the load. As he leaned against a lamp post vomiting, a little dog happened td stop by him, whereupon he indulged in this so?oquy. "Well, now here's A conundrum. I know where I' ate the baked boans, I remember where I ate the lobsters, I rccolect where I got that rum, but I'm hanged if I can recall where I ate that little yeller dog/' A colored man was once asked Why ho did not got married: "Why, you see, cab," said ho, "I got an old ismc*dec, sjt? I had to Ho for her, ye see, sab, an, if I don't buy her shoes an' Stockens she wouldn't get none. Now, ef I was to get married, I would hab to buy dem tings for my wife, an' d.it would be ;tak, ing, de shoes an' stockings right out o,ray muddcr's mouf.