Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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? #? ?f. ~ftO*-???T -?Is i* i a?*i ? I i' J .l 'f >t I J'rtJ. ? * fcl 7" .TW. I (t .'-??.? 11 f. ft ^CTiJ v TWO DOl god ajntd oxjrt country. ALWAY8 IN ADVANO? mu?t V07 rv.V ?.? SATURDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER, 16 18T2. NUMBER 40 4s. ?.-1. . >f< ?, rum,is urn at . cm a tsj o rr;^ v-t> o Every Satin(<lny ~" ru! isr. ? BT TIT K JRANGEBURft NEWS COMPANY TERMS OF RITRSfWATtofrj ??? Copy for one ycnr. $2.00 ? ? ?? " Six M'uiili-;.? 1.00 Any on* sending" Tl'.N pqLLAllS'. for a Clnb of New Subscribers, will receive nn EXTRA COPY for ONE TEAR, free of ?karg*. Any one sending FIVE DOLLARS, ?r a Club of New Subscribers, will receive an EXTRA COPY for SIX MONTHS, free of ?karge. RATES OF ADVERTISING. 1 Square I\1H insertion. $1.M> .? ?? 2d " . l.CK) A Square consist* of 10 lines Rrevier or ?ne iaeh of Advertising apace. Administrator's Notices.*5 00 Hetieea ?f Dismissal of Gunirn'inTi?, Ad- ' kniniatratora. Executors, &c...L.......$9 00 Centraet Advertisements inserted upon the meal liberal terms. -Utot? MARRIAGE and' 4? UN ER AX NOTICES, net exceeding one Square, inserted without 9m\r T^msCtoh in dwnce, *?t Brownmg; & Browning, ATTORN EYS AT LAW, ORAXGaSnDIlCi lS II., So. Ch. Malcolm I. BsdWStJm* A. P. Bnowxtxo. nev 4 AUGUSTUS ft KNOWLTON (Formerly *ol tne New Vork Dar.) ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW, July 8 _ if W. X* W. IULEY Till Ali -i V ST 1C E, ALL WITNESS ENTRUSTED will be }reatptly and o arc felly attended to. ju\y 2? SURGED.DENTIST, (Graduate HuMln>?vc Oalleffc Dental Surgery. OFFICE MARKET^T, OVER 8TGKE OF J. a! IIAMlLtTON, METALLIC CASES. THE UNDERSIGNED HAS ON HAND all of.jttra varievs -Sites of the Above Cases, which can be 'fti-i-nibbed immediately eta ap .plicajion,; j,'",, *f* ' ' Alsq-mannfactiirc? WOOD COFFTN8 aa usual, and at the shbrtcst notice. Apply.!*!. ., * .t ' H. RIGGS, mar 6?6m Carriage Manufacturer. HEEDER & DAVIS, COTT0N FACTORS General Commission Merchants, AJgcr't Wharf, <*0ARLBSTON, 8. C. ?OswstL- Rjtsnsa. Zkmmksman Davis oct 15 6m T. F. Baoota. R. JA. Hudoin* '"' ' . H. C. HunoiNS. ?tt?DIJE <& CO, COTTON FACTORS ANp $0##I88IQN MERCHANTS, ? NORM A AN TIC WHARF, CIIARE8TON, S. C. Xibwal Advances made on Consignment. ?sg??,^JAaA>sW(S|n?ends, Esq., Pres i ?1st National Dank; Charleston, .S.<C. may 21 ? ? . wee tf W?sLWmx HOUSE BY Urs. M. W- s^tratton, conjfim ?GERVAIS & ASSEMBLY STREETS COLOMBIA, 8. C. KSonvcnicnt to the Greenvillt and Charleston Railroads*and the Business portion of the CMy. Rate of Treatment Board?Two Dollars ?per Day. Regular Beordere received at Reaaenablo sates. AT Autumn Loaves. j. Oh, Autumn Leaves ! My spirit grieves That you soon should fade, The beauty bright That charms our sight On the onrth'a cold i>rcn.st bo laid. Oh, loaves so fair 1 Your colorH rare A sweeter mem'ry bring, Than nil t lie flowom Of summer hours, Or all tho buds of Spring. m Tour haughty pride Could not abide The Bummer's changeless green, But you must wear Those garments rare Like mautleas of a queen. You rob the skies Of sunset dyes And morning's crimson flush ; And then by day Your trophies gay Bedeck each tree und bush. But hy-nnd-by The wrathful sky Will lay your beauty low, And o'er your forms December storms Swoop wide tho drifting snow. Then prnine be still To artist skill. That spite of wind or storms, Given to our sight In colors bright Tue beauty ot your form?. [S/er Spangltd lianner. ? ? ?! I' I ?-? AN EXCITING INTRODUCTION. The affectiouate father of Mr. Felix Flutter had conveyed tu that young gentleman the melaucholy intelligence that the time allowed him for hie 'whack'?a very low phrnsa, Signifying the period he was tu bo permitted to ruu wi:d before marriage?was over; and poor Felix Nat in hits bachelor chambers. *j!?> : " Iji; idiaU.lw f>n me ;^h rj iSUj Ij,\_ otigiual simile, Maurius um'?ijj; th<* rnius of Carthage; The magnifieent St Bernard dog, presented to Felix only two days before, had beeu be;.t away to .dr. Gtiugo's uiecc, end his master wns to follow immediately on the morrow Jack IJurgoytro, who was the only one in the eeoret, took tho rooms and fur niture just as they stood 'I he morn iug came and their iornicr owner vaubhed, leaving not a truce behind At t. riogo ilall, the elderly proprietor met him joyfully. 'Come down to m..rry my niece, Felix, you rogue, und to accomplish the wish of mine und your lather's ch ? You've net or seen her, but wheo you do, it Will be all over with you my boy 1 Though i say it myself, ahe is really a lovely sro man 1' 'Ah !' sighed Felix, 'I'm so awfully bashful. I hope she liked my present; I r>i in him down in advance, to make way tor myself.' 'Oh, yes,' returned Mr. Gringo, faintly, 'she was delighted. We were all delighted. In fact, I may say we vere charmed. But?ahem!?don't you think tho fellow .a little?a little dangerous V 'Not at all. I'm not acquainted with him, but I'm sure he's not dangerous.' Clearly the magnificent St. Bernard hid become a source of anxiety already.; Old Mr. Gringo's eyes looked, most un questionably, full of trouble. 'There's no Sear of hydrophobia, you think V Felix answered that there need be none in the world; that Carlo was a magnificent animal. 'Very magutficeot, no doubt,' rctured the prospective father-in-law still gloomily^ 'hut he certainly has a, remarkably largo mouth. I think he could bite about five pounds of flush out of a person's leg at one mouthful, i'er 'laps it wouldn't be a bad idea?merely ' to be ou the safe side you kuow?for us uli to wear leather pantiloons ' Felix, of course, .deprecated this notion instantly- He could notallow (the had ?aii pn.; .-ion, which Carlo bad evident ly made, to exua any longer j so he said: ? My dear sir, I am goiug out presently to make the dog') ae<juaiuutDcc myself, audjnu'll bee h<>w toud tie will be of me When your .niece uud I ace married, he will be sueb capital con,.-my for usjuu kuow. 1 will lend him to you, too, so onetimes, if you wunt him.' But Mr. Griugo was by uo means en ihusiastio over this odor, since, to con toss >tbe truth, it ho had one dread inoro than auother, it was ot hydrophobia. Therefore, uo soouej had Felix vanishes! through the doorway, in pursuance of his im.mion to got on friondly terms as sooa as possible with tho St. Bernard, thao the old gon> loman gave vont to his indignation 'A rascally piece of business to briug that beast into my house!, ho cxclaiiuod 'At tho instant tho marriage has come off, I'll rid myself of him, for I haven't had an hour's rest .since his arrival;'and then lie went to seek his niece. Suddouly a clamor arose in the yard. Sounds of savage barking, in a voioo that might have come with grace from the throat of a particularly blood thirsty tiger. Ulihgled with the rattling of chains aud frantic screams of terr >r, could b? heard, and presently Mr, Flutter burst through tho window, shattering the a s'i ,s and fell prostrate on the floor. His misfortunes had begun. 'What an escape!' he murmured breathless, Here's my new coat?ruined fur ever!' It was indeed, the tails had been com pletely wrenched off, and now drooped from the body by a single thread. *I,m in a nice condition to commence my courtship! Suppose I should meet Gringo's niece?what an impression would 1 make in this state?' Hardly had lie uttered these words, when the door opened, and a ladj' enter, ed tall, lank'angular and elderly. She was in point of appearance, au absolute fright. ''My dear Mr. Flutter' she cried ad vancing hastily toward him,'you've been attacked by that dread tit! dog' haveu't you? I heard you cry out and burrind to your assistance. The circumstances permit me to introduce myself, and I am glad to meet you indeed.' Poor Felix was horror struck. With both hands behind him, holding up the tails of It ia damaged coat, he groaucd to himself 'So this is Gringo's niece! Heaven help me, what shall I do?' The lady contiuued to approach, but in bis confusion he began to retreat; 'There must b'olTd ecfT?dny?oeTw"8e&"* " us, you know she said smiling sweetly. ?So it appears indeed he answered. Mr. Gringo says you arc a delight ful gentleman, and I have no doubt you are.' ?Indeed!" returned Felix. 'That must be a bint,* he thought 'She expects me to make love tho Grat thing.' * We shall become very dear to each other, I am confident: in fact the closest of friends !' 'Ah?really?I hope to?ahem!' He could'ot th tuk of any thiug to say for the life of him. 'Such an opportunity as yours seldom fills to the lot of a young mm. /That's modest, by Jove !' said the suitor to himself, growinri more and more perplexed. Then, with an effort he pursued aload: 'Ahem? very rarely, indeed! So much beauty! so many accomplishments and virtuosi' *\ only trust yon will lose no timel' ?Decidedly sho docs mean me to begin my love m aking at once,' he reflected. T fear, miss, that too muoh boldness a first, might undo mo. Not that the ?ah ?charms of beauty have failed to make an impression; on the contrary, my ?ah ?my heart's ia a state ot conflagration ! Yot I daro not hope for responsive warmth so soon.' 'Oh, hope for everything!' exclaimed the lady, warmly. 'I should counsel you not to bo at all backward.' 'She evidently appreciates the force of her own counsel,' thought Felix,'for hang me if ever I kuow a cuaa to bo made lovo to in this style bolero! I wish I could think ofsoiuothing to say!' 'There's an old cry,' continued tho lady: 'Go in aad .win.' 'What an idiot I ani!?ahem?you are right aaa,am. 1 fauoy it would be?ah ?rather diflicuk to go out aud win !' She stared at him Mi astonishment. He hastened to recover himself, and flouu deced in the mite moro deeply than ever. ?Oh, I beg pardon. I mean ?bat, un der the circumstances?considering the ?1 mean the relutive chances?tho?the ?tho I act ja,' his voice died away, 'I don't kuow what 1 mean !' 'She began to ,t eti eat, looking at him in alarm, ills face scarlet, tho perspira tion trickling over his nose, perfootly desperate, he followed her up rapidly. 'Kxouse me, i beg. The truth is I am sometimessubjoot to a confusion -of ideas ?a sort of a?of a?you know what? this kind of .thing!' Ho drapped his coat-tails, and gesticulating wildly, turned round and round on oua loot- lilft a whirligig. 'As|I was saying, the mode of procedure, speaking, of eoux?e,with reference to jurisprudence?ahem !?in point of fact, a ma* cao't marr? his I great grandfather I 'He's mad !' she cried, making for tho door. '1 see that you are on the track closely?whereas if it wore considered trigonomctrieally, X plus Y would be equal to A?to?to a bisected paralolo grnmic hypotheceuse!' 'Hc'h certainly a lunatic! I mast go for Mr. Gringo.' ?4 With a shriek, the Irdy fled rroJStfhs room, and poor Flutter full on the sofa exhausted. 'What have I done?' ho groaned. 'Ruined mysolf, all owing to my accursed stupidity ! Yet wouidu't it haye been more stupid to have stood stillend said nothing? That confounded dog, too Well he shan't defeat mo I am deter mined. I'll subdue him, if it cost me not only another pair of coat tails, but cTcn a whole coat.' Ho rose and went to the window. An ecstatic vision burst upon his si^ht. Glancing into the garden, fa beheld a beautiful young lady of ?eventeen, ripe as the roses around her, daintily water ing them. Who could it bo? He would instantly find out. To attract he atten tion, he adopted an ingenious and highly romantic plan : He began shouting and lr king at the savage Carlo. Still she wouldn't look up. Felix was diseoocertej;but not to be conquered, he barked and snarled more furiously than ever. Aud yet it was ineffective. Now, if ths young man had two strong points, they were perseverance and fertility of invention. He perceived on the table besido him a silver salver, which he resolved to r?ttle against the windowas a sort of accompaniment to his oin person a canine performances in /-rue way of vocalistn. He turned t >^yjiiievthts, and beheTd7"U) Hid ai/lrfwnTcffoAHPli?,7?of ? his ugly niece and a crow;} ol se&fants, standing in the doorway, observing him attentively. But, at tho instant thny saw his movement, they wcie all taken with a visible trepidation, and pre cipitately fled. Felix couldn't under stand it. Were they making a fool of him ? Angrily he strode to the window again, and sought another sight of tho beautiful tenant of the gurdcu; but she was gone. 'Felix,' said a timid voice in his rear; 'dear Fcitx, uuuc here.' Turning in the direction of the sound, he perceived that the fugitives had reap peared. Mr. Gringo approached him cantiouf-ly. 'Poor fellow !' said the old gentleman, soothingly ; 'don't excite yourself now ! be calm!' 'Calm !' exclaimed Felix. !Wiii you please explain the meaning of this extra ordinary conduet Mr. Gringo ?' 'Quiet now! be very still, Felix. While you're gentle, there'll be no dan ger of s fit you know. Wo have a pain ful duty to perform, but you must sub mit. 'Submit! submit to what J You've been lunching 1* 'Poor, poor Flutter ! Little did I an ticipate such a misfortune ! Rut there's no time to lose/ 'I know what's the matter with him,' (thought Felix. 'He's going to quarrel with me about my couduct to his aeioc. I must say tomcthing ardent to her.' He approached due angular and long lady, and bending low, exclaimed, ?tenderly : 'Dear madams," your most devoted slave.' Rut to his astonishment she merely smiled, and, patting him on the back, an swered in a southing xoue: 'Poor Mr. Flutterl don't excite your self now J Keep quiet?' 'What docs she mesa by that?' he gasped. Then, in a more ardent voice tbau cvor, he resutvod: 'Lady, 1 must beg your pardoQ op. my boL<bd knee for my absurd deportment but a few moments siuco. It was?ah? but the effect of a too sudden view of your superabundant churius !' Old Mjr.. Gringo 4>urst into a roar. IIa, eta, ha ! it's painful, ibut it's amusing too. Superabundant charms ! 11a, ha, ha !' The neioo, in no way discomposed at his singular joircumstaoce, still kept up her expressions of kindness. 'Poor Mr. Flutter! Quiet now, quiet.!' The unfortunate object of her soliel ? tude grew nearly frautic with amazement. 'There's something tho matter with that old woman !' he whispered to him sol", shuddering. 'I wonder Jif Gringo keeps a demijohn V 'Sad case! sad ease !' commented Griugo, with a sorrowful gesture, observ ing bim attentively. 'He's gentle now, but the fit will be on directly, and so we had better secure him at once.' The servants gathered mournfully around. 'Don't be agitated, Felix,' pursued the old man, producing something from his pocket. 'Wo have a painful duty to perform, aud you must submit. Wc are going to handcuff yon.' 'Handcuff me 7 1 his is beyond endu rance ! Gringo, you've been at the demi john, too. Pity for you?Gringo pity for you, indeed?to got intoxicated thus early in the morning, aud at your time of life! And your neice so foud of it, too 1 What a lessoa it will be to mo 1' With this scrap ot morality ia his mouth, he was just sauntering off, when Gringo and the servants sprang upon him and seised his hands. 'Come, come !' oried Felix, struggling ; 'no confounded nonsense 1 Let me go, I say. If you don't release my bauds I'll bite you !' '1 knew it!' exclaimed Mr. Gringo, triumphantly, *I know the fit was coming on 1 it's always the way. Gently, now? gently I' Felix fought with all his might. -Re lease me, I com in and y. - ! If you don't keep off, as heaven is above me, I'll bite you!' ' Do you hear him ?' sighed the old man,"compassionately. 'Poor fellow ! he's raving now. It is hopeless?hopeless!' But Felix?perfectly convinced that ho had fallen into the company of lunatics?with oue supreme effort broke way. He bounded through the window, and fall plump into the garden fish-pond / He heard a shriek. It was the beauti ful young lady, surprised at his abrupt sppcaranee. Fortunately,' she bad good nerves, aud recovering her presence of mind, she ran to his assistance, |aad helped him out. 'Oh, miss !' he groaned, falling on his knees, and shivering all over ; 'I don't kuow what's the matter with the people in the house. They are all crazy. I came here half an hour ago to *?k tho hand, in marriage, of Mr. Gringo's beautiful neice, and my first disap pointment was to find her as ugly as tho Witch of Eudor-' 'How, sir!' exclaimed tho young lady, bridling ; 'do you mean to insult me V 'Insult yon T not for worlds ! I speak of Mr. Gringo's neice' 'He has but one/ returned the young lady ; 'and I'am she.' 'No, you're not,' contradicted Felix, riding to hii feet, absolutely desperate ; 'for here comes Griugo, with his neice, at this very moment.' Gringo and the angular lady, followed by a pack of servants, armed with pitch forks, shovels, ropes, carving-knives, and other weapons, came running breathlessly out of the house, and shout ing as loud as they could bawl: 'Be careful, Rosie?he'U bite you ; he has the fit on him !' Felix could stand it no longer. He doubled his fist, and approached Mr. Griugo, menacingly. 'Sir,' said he, 'you're an old fool, and a ruffian. The manner in which you hare treated me, since I've been here this morning, has been disgraceful. But your low humor shall not go one step further. I demand au explanation, or, vcQcrablo as you are, and venerablo as that vgly female is, next you, whom you oall your niece, I shall assault you both/ Tho 'ugly fomnjo' swooned in Gringo's arm. He grew purple with rage. 'Sir,' said be, 'what do you.by culling my wife an ugly female V 'Your wife !' gasped Felix. 'Yes, my wife.' 'Is that your wife ? Oh, Lord, Lord, what will become ot me? I mistook her for your 410100, and went and mad a a fool of myself, talking love to her!' Rosie is my neice,' continued Gringo; 'but you cannot expect to marry her now/ ?Why not?? 'Because you'vo got tbo hydropho bia!* 'WhatT'i 'I say you've got the hydrophobia You were bitten by that coufeunded deg,1 and I myself heard you bark and snarl, not ten minutes afterward, at the ? win dow. Mrs. Gringo will-testify that the language you addressed to her was the idiotio raving of a lunatio !' 'Felix's temper ohanged. lie burst into a prolonged roar of laughter. 'My dear friend,' said he, 'it is all a ridiculous mistake. Carlo didn't bite me?he only tore my coat-tails. When you heard me barking at the window, I was only teasing him?afraid to ap proach nearer. What a game at cross purposes we're been at!' Tho old gentlemen could scarcely re alize it. 'Felix,' he faltered, 'I fear 11 hare been a contemptible old noodle. For give me, and let me go somewhere and hide my face.' 'No, no ; I need forgiveness, too. Let us say we will forgot everything on both sides.' Mrs. Gringo, the 'ugly female/ did not answer. Her husband, however, spoke up for her. 'I will attend to that, my dear fellow. I think, first of all, you had better come with me into the houso,*and change your dress. The truth , is, a battered hat, a coat without any tails, muddy panta loons, snd an injured nose, are not alto gether becoming. We'll talk every thing over after awhile, Egad I I can scarcely stand for laughing 1 Ha, hs, ha 1 As long as you live, never 'forget how you commenced your courtship with my niece.' 'No,' said Felix, reflecting for the first time on the ridiculous figure he must cut before tho beautiful Rosie, and edging toward the house ; 'it's not likely that I ever shall; nor my exciting introduc tion to her.' A Matter of Satisfaction. Not a bad story is told at the expense of a distinguished oitisen of Philadel phia. It tee 123 that a dinnerparty was in progress daring the recent brilliant display of norther u light* and this gen tleman, stepping oat to cool bis burning brow was startled by the display about the frosty pole. lie stood* perfectly amazed, then turning to tho window he saw within the wifoof his bosom sitting with the ladies, waiting for their liege lords to end their champagne and cigars. Pushing aside the curtains, he beckon ed to Mrs. Agnes to coma out.?She complied, when ho said to her solemn " Wugnes, d'yer see anytoing axtron cry now 7" "Yes, Dolly, I see you have been drinking too much wine." "No ! not that, Wagnes. I mean ex tronery phornomouns in atmosphere." "Why, where, Dolly 7" "Upper yonder, Wagnas." "Why, dear me!?yes, I do, indeed? the most brilliant aurora that I have ever seen." "Wagnes, are things shootin?" "Yes, dear." "And a flashing,' Wagnes?'* "Yes, Dolly " "Anda sorter spreading, and dancing,' eh I WagqcsJ" "Ail thai, my dear." "Ho! hoi" laughed the husband, much relieved. "Do you know, Wagnes?I mean IIagues?when I came out and saw the o'le*tial phoruoinonums a-glow ing upper ponder, hlowod offer I didn't thiuk I wsj dru#k." A sharp yankee went i*6e a country store Down east, and thus aocosted the proprietor: 'Squire, do you trade J' 'Considerable,' was the reply. 'I mean, do you dicker 7' 'Some ; what yer got to dicker 7' 'A *gg.' ?What yer want for a egg 7' 'Guess I'd like a darnin' needle.' The required needle was dickered for tho egg, and the yankee was going away, when he turned and said : 'Squire, do you treat 7' 'Waat, I don't mind if I do,' replied the store keeper. They repaired to an adjacent tavern, and the usual bourbon was produced. 'Hold on.' ssid ths yftflkee, 'my cheat's weak ^ and I never Anke whiskey without a egg in it.' The generous shop keeper handed trim the dickered egg. but without ask.iug him for his noodle again. The yankee broke the shell on the edge of the glass, i when he exolaimed : I 'GecwUikins t (this egg's got two yolks 1 Gueso yor o. ter gin see oawther darnin' noodle, Squire!' - ?? ?iiiiii |i| ? "Shoost Hq IpMK An It YaW A Chioago correspondent sends the following: At a recent trial before Jus tice Dougherty it was thought important by counsel to determine the length of time certain '2 quarters of beef, hogs 2 and 1 sheep/ remained in an express wagon in front of Plaintiff's store before they were taken away by defendant. The witness under examination was n German, whose knowledge of the Eng lish language was very limited; but ho testified in a very plain, straight-forward way to having afterward carried It out and put it into the aforesaid wagon. Then the following ensued: Counsel?'State to the jury how long it was after you took the meat froth tho store and put it into the wagon before it was taken away/ Witness?'Now I shoost eand dell das. I dinks 'bout twelve feet- I not say nearer as dat.' Counsel?'You don't understand me. How long was it from the time the moat left the store, end was put into the wa gon, before it was taken away by defend ant?' 'Witness?'Now I know not what you ask dat for. Der vagoa he was back ap mit der sidewalk, and dat's shoost so long as it vafc You tell me how long der aide valk Tea. Den feet ? Dwelve feet ? Den I dells how long it vat/ Counsel?'I don't want to find out how long the sidewalk was, but I want to know' (speaking very slowly) 'how~-leag ?this?meat?was?in?the?wagon? before?It?was-?t then?away J Witness 'Oh I dat 1 Well, now, I act sold any moat so. I all time weigh hiss; never measured meat, not yet. Bai I dinks 'bout dree feet.' (Here the specta tors and his honor and the jury sailed audibly.) 'I know not, shentlemens, how is dis. I dell you all I can so good as I know.' Counsel?'Look here, I want to know how long it* was before Jibe meat was taken away after it was pat into tVa wagon V Witness?(looking very knowingly at counsel)?'Now yen try aad get mo ia a scrape. That meat van shoost so . long in der vagoa as ha vas in dor shop} Dat's all I told you. Dat meat was W?myt was dead meat. He don't got muck longer in den dousaa' year not aooch/? Counsel?'That will do.', Uncm? 2*&x's Pbaotiosx Jojcs ? Some years age there lived in oae of oar large eities an ecceotrio character known as Uncle Zake, who never lost a chance of perpetrating a practical joke. Any place or occasion suited him, provide i he eonld make his point. One fine Sa* d?y he *epaired to a fashionable church, some time after the services had com menced, and as there was not a seat vacant, he took a promncnt positiou ia the eeotre aisle, wbsro hestcod bets up. right, with his stove-pipe hat mapped tightly on his head. Of oourse. he attracted much attention, and very soon the sexton, a man for whom Uncle Z^ko had an especial {dislike, came creeping up to him and whispered that he must take off his hat. 'That's agio my principles,' said Un cle Zeke. 'I oaa't help that/ said the sexton impatiently, 'you must take it off.' 'But I won't,' replied Uncle Zoke. 'Then I shall take it off for you,' said the sexton, who was becoming rery nervous on account of the attention this whispered colloquy had occasioned. ?All right/ said Uaoie Zeke; 'you to* take it off. Xhst ain't against ay pria> ciples/ The sexton tfeer>apon took hold of tho rim of Uncle Zekc's hat and dexterously lifted it off his bead- Hut what was dho respectable sexton's horror when about two quarters of hickory nuts rolled oat of his hat and went clattering aad hang ing over Ahe church floor. And that was Uncle Zoke'e joke ea the sexton. 'When was Borne built?' asked ? school committee man of the jftrat ,uUs% in ancient history. 'Ja the night,' ?aswertd a bright Uv> tie gjrj. In the night p exclaimed the satoo ished eiaminer. *Huw do ye* make that out ?'| <WkJ; I thought everybody knew that * fymo wasn't built in a day.' * . ?