The Orangeburg news. (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, November 16, 1872, Image 1
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GOD A.1NTD OUR COUNTRY.
-{ ALWAYS m AlWAHCB
SATURDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER, 16 1872.
NUMBER 40
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v1
Brow?g ^ Browning,
ATXQUN EYS AT LAW,
OH A AO Kit H RCl C So. C'h.
Malcolm I. BnowitiJrn,
A. lf.'Bnow*?MO.
aer 4
AUGUSTUS j? KNOW LTON
(Farrherty o? toe New York Bnr.)
ATTOKXEJ j 'A$D, COUNSELLOR
;!AT L A W,
?HANOKBft EUJ, S. CL
jnl.T ? _ tf
W. "w. EILEY
TRIAL JUSTICE,
ALL 'BUSINESS ENTRUSTED i
^reetetly and oarcfally attewded to.
)*\72S If
T
SUttGEKX^D^TlST,
??rnduale ISaltimorc College'
Deatal Surgery.
office market,-ST- over store OF
j. a! hamilton,
METALLIC CASES.
THE UNDERSIGNED HAS on HAND
?R ?f th-e varirws -Siiea of the above Cases,
which, ?ftU b/e: jyrhislred-dmniediately *u ftp
.plicalifinV, ., ;,' ; i
Also manufaefufci WOOD COFFTNS as
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Appiy.t*,. ;7 it. bigos,
mar 6?6m? Carriage Manufacturer.
HEEDER ';$> DAVIS,
COTTQtf FACTORS
^General ComntiHsiou Merchants,
ri? i jj .
- Adgcr.t Wharf,
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?oswili, KKKPKft. SbSIMKUKAN- davis
?et a 6nt
'tut
T. f. b*oDm. R. JK. IluaoiNs
?. G. HunuiNs.
&> CO.
mh. coTTON FACTOBS
'nip '
$0y#18*IQN MERCHANTS,
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?liberal Advances made on Consignment.
Rlgnprrr [Andrew SixnondH, Esq., Pres i
>l*t National Uftnk, Charleston, <s. vC.
may 21 lOD i \\ wee tf
mS?l??lff HOUSE
BY
Urs. M. ?trattoiL,
donjFBR
?ORRVAIS & ASSEMBLY STREET
COLOMBIA, fL a
Tfnicin to the Greenville ?nd Chnrleston
Railroads-und the Kusine?* portion of
the City. Rate of Trwnwient
' Board?Two Dollarn
T** D?y.
Regula*JBearders (received et Reasenafclo
?tes.
Autumn Leaves.
Ob, Autumn Leanest
My spirit grieves
That you soon should fade,
The beauty bright
Tliat charms our a'ght
On the earth's cold breast be laid.
Oh, leaves so fair 1
Your colors rare
A swoeter mem'ry bring,
Thau all the flowers
Of summer hours,
Or all tho buds of Spring.
Tour haughty pride
Could not abide
The Bummer's changeless green,
But you must wear
Those garments rare
Like inantlens of a queen.
You rob the skies
Of sun..et dyes
And morning's crimson (lush ;
And then by day
Your trophies gay
Bedeck each tree und btuh.
But hy-and-by
The wrathful iky
Will lay your beauty low.
And o'er your forms
December storms
Sweep wide the drifting snow.
Then praise be still
To artist skill,
That spite of wind or storms,
Gives to our sight
In oolors bright
Tue beauty ot your forms.
[."J/<ir $j>anylcd Banner.
wstaaw ?' BBS
AN EXCITING INTRODUCTION.
The affectiouate father of Mr. Felix
Flutter had conveyed to that young
gentleman the meluucholy intelligence
that the time allowed hiui for his
'whack'?a very low i>hr;.s ;, s"gnifyiug
the period Itc was to he permitted to ruu
wild before uiarriugi!?was over; and
/poor Fe'ix Hit in his bachelor chamber*,
? ?.c/ ?>-?>.i.tl??, Ifr" ?/i use n^hrjizh tly ,
oiiginul simile, Manfius unvdig tin*
ruiua orCurthnge. Tho magnificent St
Bernard dog, prc?entcd to Felix only
two day* b?'fore, had Lceu Bent away to
.dr. Gringo's uiecc, end his master was
to follnw immediately on the morrow
Jack llurgoyut?, who was the Obly one
in tho secret, took the rooms ami fur
niiuro just as they stood. '1 he tnnru
ing came and their lornirr owner
vuui.-hcd, leariug not a truce behind
At ?.ring? Hall, tho elderly proprietor
met him joyfully.
'Comedown to marry my niece, Felix,
you rogus, and to accomplish the wish
of min? und your lather's eh ? You've
net er seen her, but when you do, it will
bo all over with you my boy 1 Though 1
say it myself, she is really a lovely sro
man 1'
'Ah I' sighed Felix, 'I'm so uw felly
bashful.?< I hope she liked my present;
I scat him ?uwn in advance-, to make
way tor myself.'
'Oh, yes,' returned Mr. Gringo,
faintly, 'she wns delighted. We were
all delighted. In fact, I may say we
vere charmed. But?ahem!?don't
you think tho fellow .a little?? little
dangerous V
'Notat all. I'm cot acquai d with
him, but I'm sure he's nut dsngeroua.'
Clearly the magniticent St. Bernard
h; d become a source of anxiety already, j
Old Mr. Gringo's eyes looked, most un
questionably, full of trouble. 'There's
no lear of hydrophobia, you think V
Felix answered that thero need be
none in the world; that Carlo was a
magniticent animal.
'Very maguificent, no doubt,' retured
the prospective father-in-law still
gloomily; 'but he eertaioiy fess a,
remarkably largo mouth. I think he
could bit" nbov't five pounds of flush out
of a pereou's lei; at one mouthful. I'er
'\aps it wouldn't be a bad idea?merely
to be ou the safe side you know?for us
ah to wear leather punt i loons *
Felix, of course, deprecated this
notion instantly. He could notallow the
bad impression, which Ca lo had evident
ly made, to exist uuy longer j so he said:
y\j dear sir, I am goiug out presently
to uuvkc the dog'% acquaintance myself,
audjou'il bee h >w loud he will be of me '
Whoa your .niece und I are married, he
will be such capital coxnpanj for us vou
know. 1 will leud hitu tojou, too,
boti.etintcs, if y ou want him.'
But Mr. Gringo wus by uo tueaaa en
thusiastic over this offer, since, to con
toss tho truth, if he hud one droad moro
than another, it was ot hydrophobia.
Therefore, no soouer had, Felix vanished
through the doorway, in pursuanoo of
his iutcution to got ou frioudly terms as
sooa as possible with the St. Bernard,
than the old gentleman gave vent to his
' indigrntion
?A rascally piece of business to bring
that beast into in v house!, ho exclaimed
'At the instant the marriage has come
??ft", I'll rid myself of him, for I haven't
had an hour's rest .siuco bis arrival;'and
then ho wen: to seek his niece.
Suddouly e clamor nroso in the yard.
Sounds of savage harking, in a voico that
might have come with grace from the
throat of a particularly blood thirsty
tiger, mingled with the rattling of chains
aud frantic screams of torr jr, could be
heard, and presently Mr, Flutter burst
through tho window, shattering the s s'i.s
and fell prostrate on the floor. His
misfortunes had begun.
'What an escape!' he murmured
breathless, Here's my new coat?ruined
for ever!'
It was indeed, the tails had been corn
pletely wrenched off, and now drooped
from the body by n single thread.
*I,ra in a nice condition to commence
my courtship! Suppose I should meet
Grinu :'s uicce?what on impression
would J make in this state?'
Hardly had he uttered theso words,
when the door opened, and a lady outer,
ed tall, lank* angular and elderly. She
was in point of appearance, au absolute
fright.
"My dear Mr. Flutter' she cried ad
vancing hastily toward him, 'you've been
attacked by that drcadi'ul dog1 haven't
you? I heard you cry out and hurried
to your assistance. The circumstances
permit me to introduce myself, and I am
glad to meet you indeed.'
Poor Felix was horror struck. With
both hands behind him, holding up the
tails of his damaged coat, he groaned to
himself
'So this is Gringo's niece! Heaven
help me, what shall I do?'
Tho lady contiuued to approach, but
in bis confusing he began to retreat;
There must 1>Vno" e*ren!?fuy" Between"*
us, you know ehe said smiling sweetly.
'So it appears indeed he answered.
Mr. Gringo says you arc a delight
ful gciulemau, und I have no doubt you
are.' ,
?Indeed!' returned Felix. 'That must
be a bint,* he thought 'She expects me
to make lovo the Erst thing.'
'We shall become very dear to each
other, I am coufident: in fact the closest
of friends !'
'Ah?really?I hope to?ahem!' He
could'nt th ink of any thiug to say for the
life of him.
'Such an opportunity as yours seldom
frills to the lot of a youn^r raiu.
,That's modest, by Jove !' said the
suitor to himself, growind more and
more perplexed. Theu, with an effort
he pursued aload:
'Ahem? very rarely, indeed! So much
beauty! so many accomplishments and
virtuosi'
4l only trust you will lose no timel'
'Decidedly she docs moan me to begin
tuy love m aking at once,' he reflected.
1 fear, miss, that too much boldness a
first, might undo mo. Not that the ?nh
?charms of beauty have failed to make
an imprcsiiou; on the contrary, my?an
?my heart's is a state ol eouflagration !
Yet I daro not hope for respoagive
warmth so soou.' <
?b. hope for everything!' exclaimed
the lady, warmly. 'I should counsel
you not to be at all backward.'
'She evidently appreciates tho force of
her ova counsel,' thought Felix, 'for
haug me if ever I knew a man to be made
love to in this style bolero! I wish I
could think of something to say!'
There's an old cry,' continued the
lady: NGo in and win.'
'What an idiot I ant!?ahem^-you are
right ana,am. I fauoy it would be?ah
?rather difficult to go out and win !'
She stared at him t? astonishment. He
hastened to recover himself, and floun
dered in the mire moro deeply than
ever.
?Oh, I beg pardon. I mean .&at, uo
der the circumstances?considering the
?1 moan tho relutive chances?tho?the
?tho iaot is,' bis voice died sway, 'I
don't know wihat j mean !'
?She began to ireti?eat, looking sit him
in alarm. tits face scarlet, tho perspira
tion trickling over his noso, perfootly
desperate, he followed her up rapidly.
?Excuse me, i -bog. The truth is I am
sometimes trabjoot to a confusion-of ideas
?a sort otf a?of a?you know what?
this kind of thing 1' So dropped his
coat tail?, and gesticulating wildly, turned
round nnd round ou one toot, litt a
whirligig. (As|I was saying, the mode
of procedure, speaking, of eourte, with
referenoe to jurisprudence?ahem!?in
point of fact, a maa can't mar r? his
great grandfather 1
'He's mad !' she cried, rnakiag for the
door.
(1 see that you are on the traok
closely?whereas if it wore considered
trigonomctrioally, X plus Y would be
equal to A?to?to a bisected paralelo
grnmic hypotbeneuso!'
?He's certainly a lunatic ! I must go
for Mr. Gringo.'
With a shriek, the Irdy fled hoA^he
room, and poor Flutter full on the sofa
exhausted.
?What hare I done?' he groaned.
'Ruined myself, allowing to my accursed
stupidity ! Vat wouldn't it hare been
on in; stupid to have stood still and said
nothing? That confounded dog, too
Well he shan't defeat me I ais deter
mined. I'll subdue him, ifitoost me
not only another pair of coat tails,
but. even a whole coat.'
He rose and wont to the window. An
ecstatic vision burst upon .'his si^ht.
Glancing into the garden, Ks beheld a
beautiful young lady of seventeen, ripe
as thu roses around her, daintily water
ing them. Who could it be f axe would
instantly find out. To attract he atten
tion, he adopted ac ingenious and highly
roinnntio plan :
He began shouting and barking at the
savage Carlo. Still she wouldn't look
up. Felix was disconcerted;but not to
be conquered, he barked and snarled
more furiously than ever. Aud yet it
was ineffective. Now, if the young man
had two strong points, they were
perseverance snd fertility of invention.
He perceived on the table beside him
a silver salver, which bei resolved to
rattle against the window/as a sort of
accompaniment to his o^n person a
canine performances in ? Vdc way of
vooalism. He turned t >V-i?tvthis. and
"beheld", to his ftn^stfe^^ofB^faigiy >
his ugly niece and s crowa'ot sealants,
standing in the doorway, observing him
attentively. But, at tho instant thny
saw his movement, they wete all taken
with a visible trepidation, and pre
cipitately fled. Felix couldn't under
stand it. Were they making a fool of
him ? Angrily ho strode to the window
sgain, and sought another sight of tho
beautiful tenant of the gardeu; but she
was gene.
'Felix,' said a timid voice in his rear;
'dear Felix, come here.'
Turning in the direction of the sound,
he perceived that the fugitives had reap
peared. Mr. Gringo approached him
cantioufdy.
'Poor fellow !' said the old gentleman,
soothingly ; 'don't excite yourself now !
be calm !'
'Calm Is exclaimed Felix. 'Will you
please explain the meaning of this extra
ordinary conduct Mr. Gringo?'
'Quiet now! be very still, Felix.
While you're gentle, there'll be no dan
ger of a fit yon know. We have a pain
ful duty to perform, but you must sub
mit.
'Submit i submit to what 7 You've
been lunching 1'
'Poor, poor Flutter! Little did I an
ticipate ?uc. > misfortune 1 But there's
no t i mo to W s*
'I know .sacs the matter with him,'
thought Felix. 'He's going to quarrel
with me about my conduct to his neioe.
I must say ?nmotbjng nrdont to her.'
He approached *Jie angular and long
lady, and beading low, exclaimed,
tenderly :
'Deajr madams', your most devoted
slave.'
But to his astonishment she merely
smiled, and, patting him on the back, an
swered in a soothing tone :
'Poor Mr. Flutter"! don't excite your
self now J Keep quiet?'
'What docs she roea/B by that?' he
gasped. Then, in a more ardent voice
than ever, he resumed:
'Ladjr, I must beg your pardon on my
bond A kneo for my absurd deportment
but a few moments sinon. It was?ah?
but the effect of a too sudden view of
your superabundant charms !'
Old Mr. Gringo burst into a roar.
'Ha, iha , ha ! it's pawM,ihut it's amusing
too. Superabundant charms! Ua, ha,
ha!'
The neioo, in no way discomposed at
bis singular {circumstance, still kept up
her expressions of kiudness. 'Poor Mr.
Flatter! Quiet now, quiet.!'
The unfortunate object of her soliei
tude grow nearly frantio with amazement.
'There's something tho matter with
that old woman 1' ha whispered to him
self, shuddering. 'I wonder Jif Gringo
keeps a demijohn ?'
'Sad ease! sad ease !' commented
Gringo, with a sorrowful gesture, observ
ing him attentively. 'He's gentle now,
but the fit will be on directly, and so we
had better secure, him at once.'
The servants gathered mournfully
around.
'Don't be agitated, Felix,' pursued
the old man, producing something from
bis pocket. 'We hr.ve a painful duty to
perform, and you must submit. We are
going to handcuff yon.'
'Handcuff me ? This is beyond endu
rance! Gringo, you're been at the demi
john, too. Pity for you?Gringo pity
for you, indeed?to get intoxicated thus
early in the morning, and at your time
of life! And your nciceso fond of it,
too 1 What a lesson it will be to me 1'
With this scrap ot morality in his
mouth, he was just sauntering off, when
Gringo and the servants sprang upon
him and seised his hands.
'Come, eome !' cried Felix, struggling ;
'no confounded nonsense 1 Let me go, 1
say. If you don't release my hands I'll
bite you!'
'1 knew it!' exclaimed Mr. Gringo,
triumphantly, 'I know the fit was coming
on 1 it's always the way. Gently, now?
gently !'
Felix fought with all his might. -Re
lease ms, 1 command yom ! If you don't
keep off, as heaven is above me, I'll bite
you!'
'Do joa hear him ?' sighed the old
mis,^compassionately. 'Poor fellow ! he's
ravi?g now. It is hopeless?hopeless!'
But Felix?perfectly convinced that
ho had fallen into the company of
lunatics?with one supreme effort broke
way.
He bounded through the window, and
fall plump into the garden fish-pond /
He heard a shriek. It was the beauti
ful young lady, surprised at his abrupt
appearance. Fortunately,' she had good
nerves, and recovering her presence of
mind, she ran to bis assistance, |aad
helped him out.
'Oh, miss!' he groaned, falling on his
knees, and shivering all over; 'I don't
kuow what's the matter with the people
in the house. They are all crazy. I
came hero half an hour ago to ask the
hand, in marriage, of Mr. Gringo's
beautiful neice, and my first disap
pointment was to find her as ugly as tho
Witch of Endor-'
'How, sir!' exclaimed the young lady,
bridling; 'do you mean te insult me ?'
'Intuit you T uot for worlds ! I speak
of Mr. Gringo's neioe.'
'He has but one,' retained the young
lady; 'and I'am she.'
'No, you're not,' contradicted Felix,
rising to his feet, absolutely desperate ;
'for here eoiues Gringo, with his neice,
at this very moment.'
Gringo and the angular lady, followed
i by a pack of servants,armed with pitch
forks, shovels, ropes, carving-knives,
and other wcapoue, oame running
breathlessly out of the bouse, and shout
ing as loud as they could bawl:
'Be careful, Itoeie?ho'U bite you ;
he has the fit on him !'
Felix could stand it do longer. He
doubled his fist, and approached Mr.
Gringo, menacingly.
'Sir,' said he, 'you're an old fool, and
& lufiian. The manner in whioh you
hare treated me, since I've been here
this morning, has been disgraceful.
But your luw humor shall not go ono
step further. I demand au explanation,
or, venerable as you are, and venerable
as that ugly female is, next yon, whom
you oall ) our niece, I aball assault you
both/
Tho'ugly female'swooned in Gringo's
arm. He grew purple with rage.
'Sir,' said he, 'what do you mean by
calling my wife an ugly female ?'
'Your wife !' gasped Felix.
'Yes, my wife.'
'Is that your wife 7 Oh, Lord, Lord,
what will become ot me f I mistook her
for your ojoiee, and went and made a
fool of rujself, talking love to her!'
Rosie is my neioe,' continued Gringo;
'but you oauti jt expect to marry her
uow.'
?Why not?'
'Because you've gat tho hydropho
bia !'
'WhstTi
'I say you've got the hydrophobia
You were bitten by that coufeunded dog,
and i ssytjlf heard yon bark and snarl,
not ten minutes afterward, at the- win
dow. Mrs. Gr'.ngo wilfrtestify that the
language jou addressed to her was the
idiotio raving of a lunatic !'
'Felix's temper obaoged. ii? bant
into a prolonged roar of laughter.
?My dear friend,' said he, 'it is all a
ridiculous mistake. Carlo didn't bite
me?he onlj tore my coat-tails. When
yo j heard me barking at the window, i
was only teasing him?afraid to ap
proach nearer. What a game at cross
purposes we've been at!'
Tho old gentlemen could scarcely re
alize it.
'Felix,' he faltered, 'i fear |i have
been a contemptible old noodle. For
give me, aud let me go somewhere and
hide my face.'
'No, no; I need forgiveness, too. Let
us aay we will forgot everything on both
sides.'
Mrs. Gringo, the 'ugly female,' did
not answer. Her husband, however,
spoke up for her.
'I will attend to that, my dear fellow.
I think, first of all, you had better come
with me into the hotise,?and change your
dress. The truth. is, a battered hat, a
coat withoat any tails, muddy panta
loons, and an injured nose, are not alto
gether becoming. WVU talk every
thing over after awhile, Egad I i can
scarcely stand for laugiiing 1 Ha, ha,
ha 1 As long aa you livo, never 'forget
how you commenced your courtship with
my niece.'
'No,' said Felix, reflecting for the first
time on the ridiculous figure he most eat
before tho beautiful Rosie, aud edging
toward the house ; 'it's not likely that i
ever shall; nor my exciting introduc
tion to her.'
A Matter of Satisfaction.
Not a bad story is told at tho expense
of a distinguished citizen of Philadel
phia. It seems that a dinnerparty was
in progress daring the veecnt brilliant
4fepWy of nocthero lights aad this gen
tleman, stepping oat to cooi his burning
brow was startled by the display about
the frosty polo. He stood* perfectly
amazed, then turning to tho window he
saw vrithin tho wife of his bosom sitting
with the ladies, waiting for their Hege
lords to end their champagne and cigars.
Pushing aside the curtains, he beckon
ed to Mrs. Agnes to enma out.?She
complied, when he said to her solemn
?y.
"Wagues, d'yer ate anytoiog natron
cry now ?"
"Yes, Dolly, I see yon have been
drinking too much wine."
"No 1 not that, Wagnes. I moan ex
tronery phornomouns in atmosphere."
"Why, where, Dolly ?"
"Upper yonder, Wagnes."
??Why, dear ?s!?yes, I do, Lsdecti^?
the moat brilliant aurora thit I have
ever seen."
"Wagnes, are things shootin?"
"Yes, dear."
"And a flashing,' Wagnes?"
"Yes, Dolly"
"And a sorter spreading, and dancing,'
eh ! Wagnes;"
"All that, any dear."
J "Ho! bo!" laughed the husband, much
relieved. "Do you know, Wagnes?I
mean Hagues?when I oame out and
j saw the o'leetial phoroomonuma a-glow
j iog upper ponder, blowed effer I didn't
think I was drunk."
A sharp yankee went into a nonntry
store Down nut, and thus accosted the
proprietor i
'Squire, do yon trade V
'Considerable,' was the reply.
'I mean, do you dicker ?'
'Some; what yer got to dicker ?'
?A *gg.'
'What yer want for a egg ?'
'Guess I'd like a darnin' needle.'
The required needle was dickered for
t/ie egg, and the yankee was going away,
when he turned and said :
'Sqoire, do you treat ?'
'Waal, I don't mind if I do,' replied
the store keeper. They repaired to an
adjacent tavern, and tha usual bourbon
was produced.
'Hold on.' said the yankee, 'my
oh*?t'.fl weak^ and I never take whiskey
without a egg in it.'
Tha generous shop keeper handed him
the dick or ed egg, but without asking
htm for h>B noodle again. The yankee
broke the shell on tha edge .of the glass,
when he exolaimod :
'GeewiUkinal (this egg's got two
yolks 1 Quo** yor ortor gin me aejotbiir
darnin' needle, Squire!'
im in i n -
"Sliooet 8a Long JLr It Vhb."
A Chicago correspondent sends the
following: At a recent tritt before J as
tice Dougherty it vm thought important
by counsel to determine the length of
time certain '2 quarters of beef, hogs 2
and 1 sheep/ remained in aa express
wagon ia front of Plaintiff's store before
they were taken away by defendant.
The witness ander examination was a
Oerman, whose knowledge of the Bag
lish language was very limited; bat he
testified in a very plain, straight-for ward
way to having afterward carried it oat
and pat it into the aforesaid wagon.
Then the following ensued t
Counsel?'State to the jury bow loaf
it was after you took the meat from the
store and pat it into the wagon before it
was taken away/
Wi> nos3?'Now I shoott cand dell dat,
I dinks 'bout twelve feet- I not say
nearer as dat.'
Counsel?'You don't understand me.
How long was it from the time the meat
left the store, and was pat into the wa
gon, before it was taken away by defend
ant?'
'Witness?'Now I know act what jou
ask dat for. Der vagoa he was back ap ait
der sidewalk, and dat's shoost so long as
it ras You tell me how long der aide*
valk vac. Den feet 7 Dwelve feet f Deo
I dells bow long it vaV
Counsel?'I don't waat to find oat bow
long the sidewalk was, bat I want to
know' (speaking very slowly) 'how?leaf
?this?meat?was-?in?the?wagon?
before?it?was?t ike n?-away 7
Witness?'Ohl dat! Well, now, I not
sold any meat so. I all time weigh him;
never measured meat, not yet. Bait
dinks 'bout dree feet,' (Here the specta
tors and hie honor aad the jury smiled
aadibly.) 'I know not, ?hentle&eas, how
is die. I dell yoa all I can so food 011
know.'
Counscl?'Look hero, I want to knoaj
how long it'wad before {the K**t SSfc
taken away after it wsa pas iat? lira
wagon V
Witness?(looking very knowingly at
ooueael)?'Now yew try add get me
in a scrape. That meat vat shoost ae
bog in der vagoa as he Tas ia der shop}
Dat's all I told you. Dat meat am***??
was dead meat. He don't got atuok
longer in den dousaa* year not mooch/^
Counsel?'That will do.1]
ssows? ? es?i i
Unol?? ?*KJc'a PaaoTiotx Jo]ta.??
Some years age there lived in one of oar
large cities an eccentrio character known
as Uncle Zeke, who never lost a chance
of perpetrating a practical joke. Any
place or occasion suited hi in, provide I
he could make his point. Oae f?ue3*e<
day he repaired to a fashionable church,
some time after the services had ooaj-.
menced, aad as there was not a seat
vacant, he took a promnent pasiibn ia
the ee&trs aisle, whoro ho stood bolt op.
right, with his stovo-pipe hat clapped
tightly on his head. Of course, he
attracted much attention, and very soon
the sexton, a man for whom Uncle Z*e
had an especial fdislike, came creeping
up to him and whispered that he must
take off his hat.
?That's agio my principles,' said Un
cle ?eke.
<I oaa't help that/ said thesextoa
impatiently, 'you mast take it off.'
?But I won't/ replied Uncle Zeke.
?Then J shall take it off for yoa,' said
the sexton, who was becoming very
nervoaa on aocoaat of the attention this
whispered colloquy bad occasioned.
?All right,' said Uncle Zehe; 'you kin
take it off. That ain't against my prin
ciples/
The sexton thereupon took held of tho
rim of Uncle Zcko's hat and dexterously
lifted it of hie bead- But what wi? jthc
respectable sexton's horror when abeat
two quarters of hickory nute rolled oat
of his hat and went clattering aad bang
ing over Ahe church floor.
And that was Uncle Zeka'e joke on
the sexton.
?When was Rome butts T asked ?
school committee man of the first ojaja,
ia ancient history.
?Jo the night/ Answered a bright \%
t?fW.
.'in the night t exclaimed the ?ste*
tshed eiaminer. <How do. ye* make
that out ?'|
<WhJi \ ttagty everybody kaew
taat. * fymc Wasn't built ia a day.'' I