Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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DOLLARS PER ANA'UM. y oor> .AJSTD OXJlf COUNTRY. VOLUME 5. . ^ ALWAYS IN ADVANCE SATURDAY MORNING, OCTOBER 14, 1871. NUMBER 35 THE ?RANGEB?BG NEWS ?:o>? PUBLISHED AT ORANGEBURG * l?Tory Saturday Morning. x BY THE ?RANGEBURG NEWS COMPANY ?:o:? TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION. One Copy for one your. ... $2.00 ?? . ?? ?? Six Months. 1.00 Aay one sending TEN DOLLARS, for a (Jln? of New Subscribers, will receive an F.XTKA COPY for ONE YEAR, free of charge. Any one sending FIVE DOLLARS, for a Clttb of New Subscribers, will receive an EXTRA COPY for SIX MONTHS, freo of charge. ?:o:? RATK'S OF ADVERTISING. 1 Square 1st Insertion... $1.50 ?< ti 2d " . 1.00 A Square consists of 10 lines Brevier or one inch of Advertising spasc. Administrator's Notices.$5 00 Notices of Dismissal of Guardians, Ad ministrators, Executors, &c.$0 00 Contract Advertisements inserted upon the most liberal terms. MARRIAGE and FUNERAL NOTICES, mot oxaecding eno Square, inserted without ?barge. Terms Cash in Advance. "mutually mistaken. "Beware of pickpockets, Joshua," said Joshua Barber's mother to her son, "when that interesting young gentleman was about si tting forth to visit his Aunt Betsey linker,' who lived seventy-five Iniles away, in the thriving little village of Gray burg. ??Yes'uin," rcspnmk-d Joshua dutiful ly, "I'll keep my eywl pelled for 'em. Ntiue.<M if they ketch this child napping that'll rise airlier thuti they're used to." g" about and sve things you'll turn out s.-oarter'n ever I thought. There is the kecrs comiu' now. Lo<;k out and hold fast to your valise ! And don't forget to be keerful of yer fath? r's watch, and don't smoke no eights, uur drink no water without looking into it. Cause there- was a woman that I ve heard sis ter Betsey tell ubout, out there, that drinked u live snake ! And do try and not d;rty uiore'n two dickies a week ! It'll uiuko it such hard washing for your aunt, and she's got the reumutiz, you know. Now look out fcr your pocket book ! Tell Betsy to seud up that re state for color blue and making that squinch sass?and?and?lordy ! here they be!" and with u kiss that made the very locomotive give a snort of amaze ment, Mrs. Barker tore herscl" away. Joshua seated himscit in the very middle of the car?he had heard it said that there was * less danger there, aud holding his valise in his lap, he put one hand on his watch, aud the other on his pocket book, and mentally defied pick pockets'. He had heard so much of the dreadful doing in tho cars, that he thought it impossible to us<* too much precaution. At the next station they took up a rather pretty, but decidedly nervous looking young lady, in a blno bonnet and pink dress. She paused beside Joshua, and asked timidly? ''J? this scat engaged ?" ..vr._. T li,- /??>?? ? * Joshua, blushing up to his hair. ' Want to set do.vn ?" '?Thank you," aud she sat down so gracefully that h?r expansivo crinoline vpreud entirely over Joshua's knees and valise, und completely enveloped our perspiring hero in an nvalanch of floun ces, ehawl, ring and patchouly. Both of the young people seemed very much frightened. Joshua began to finger his pooket book, nervously shift ing it from thence to his vest, and final ly depositing it in his hat, wishing at the same time he oould drop it into his boot. Tho young lady fidgcttcd, eyed her companion askance?pulled her bonnett strings, and clutohcd lightly tho handle of her reticule, but after a little- while, both seemed to get easior, aud Joshua screwed up bis courage to say some thing. ??Fine day, mann." ''Yes ; rather cool though." "That's a fact. Cooler than it was . yesterday." "Yes, but not so cool as it was lust winter.'* "No, fcirce ! Tcrriblo cold Friday lust wiuter, vrerri't there V "Awful! was you out any 7" "Out I I ratlmr guess I wns in tho sprueo swamp driving old 1 Juck, nud Broad all day !?Golly ! liow tho frost stood on 'em !" "Yes, I thiuk its likely." A dead silence. At lust, suid Joshua, with a despcruto effort at sociability? "Going fur ?" "To Grayburg." "You haint! So be I, quite a contin gency huiut it?" and both giggled. They were beginning to get butter ac quainted. Joshua took his hand away from his watch and put it around the buck of the scat. "Going to s'ny there long, Miss ?" "A week, 1 guess. Be you ?" "About us lung as you," responded Joshua, letting his huud rest on the back of her Highland shawl; und feeling very much ns ho did when Beacon Jeu ners caught him robbing his pet pear tree. The young ludy drew back. "Law ! you sfuiu'l do so, sir. It huiut proper." "I'd like to know what's to hinder 7" cried Joshua boldly. "Folks will see us !" simpered tho young ludy. "Who kcers!" cried Joshua, "I'm twenty-one years old, and got father's watch in my pocket nnd ten dollars be sides !" nnd forgetting thnt he hud de posited it in his hut, he felt for it in his pocket. It was gone ! "Jerusalem?" roared Joshua, spring ing to his feet in terrible dismay?" 'tuiut there ! it's gone'! I've been robb ed ! somebody's committed arson on my person nud pocket!'' In* glared at the ^ouiig lady by his s-ide, who from some cause was getting as excited as himself, feeling first in her pocket and then in her resticulc. i?ble ! I've heered inorm say a huudrcd Limes that no decent woman ever wore one of them waterfalls. You got it while I was hugging of you ! I huiut any biziuess to hug another gal when I'm keeping company with Peggy Ann Seriggiiisl Ten dollars gone?ten dollars that father got for the britidley calf und the cubtuil sheep 1 Hand it over, or by scissors, I'll search ye if ye be a wo man!" The young *ady sprang- up?her face red, her eyes blazing?she, too had read the papers, aud had heard of pickpock ets. An angry man is a fearful sight, but cau't begin to compare with an angry woman. Aud this one was raging. She brandished her parusol in one haud and her reticule in tho other. "You've stolen my portemonnaio I" cried she. "You've took t'/o advantage of an innocent, unprotected female, and played the part of a pickpocket ! I mean the pick of a part-pocket! I've read about such us you in the Bunr/ville Ga zette! I might have knowed you was one ! I've hcern say they allus have red noses ! I'll have you arrested on the spot! Conductor! hero here ! This white eyed rascal has got my portemon naio nnd Joe's ::iiuneruturc, nnd he hugged me! nnd he's got my pocket handkercher and all the turnovers that mann put in ior my dinner, and my pocket's clean gone ! oh, dear 1 I wish I'd staid at home ! -Doii t believe a word she ?Qys!" j ?ricd Joshua, "She's the one that's been | a stealing ! She picked my pocket of everything but father's watch and a six cent plug of tobacco ! Somebody search her '{ Bear suz ' I'm ashnmcd of my self ! I wns so sarting I could cut my own fodder, aud look out my P's and Q's! How I do wish inarm was here! She'd know just what to do! I'll .see if I can't do something I" and Joshua be gan to oli...b over the back of tho seat into the aisle. The girl seized him by the coat tails. "No you don't !" screamed she, "not by a long chalk ! You thiuk you'ro a gwtne to get off with my thing*, do ye ? I'll let yu know to the oontrary ! You'll wish your cake dough, if you don't de liver up them portmonnuio nnd minner nture! He's gwino to jump off the kcers with my valorcblos ! And I'll die if he shall ! If lu jumps ther'll be two jumps! I'll go myself! Couductor he's got Joe's iniuncraturo that cost nino shillings with his hair frizzled and his rufllcd lincu bosom shirt onto him 1 I say stop him ! 1 By this time the whole car full of passengers were aroused to tho condition of things, and as is natural in such cases, there wan n division of opiuiou. Stmio took sides with Joshua, aud some with the lady. An elderly woman in spectacles? evidently one of the strong minded spe cies, planted her back firmly against tho door, effectually barring the egress. t Joshua's senses began to bo slightly muddled. A half score of people were heading him off, and that terrible young lady in pink dress was clinging to bis coat skirts, and his pocket-book was gone. He felt desperate. "Stand nsidc, every one of you !" he cried to the people before him ; and just then the cars gave a lunge, as cars arc in the habit of doing, and Joshua went head first against the stomach of a fat woman who had risen to see what the matter was. Tho woman went over, Joshua went over, so did the young lady in pink, und the whole crowd full on tho seat where a very loving couple and a.lap dog were reposing! Tho scut was squelched, so were the levers and the dog, aud the cry rose fast and furious? "A collision ! There is a collision !" Everybody sprang to their feet aud seized their carpet bags, aud the comedy might have becomo a tragedy, if the conductor had uot just then appeared and restored order. He shook Joshua and ordered the young lady to sit down and behave her hersclf. Joshua took off his hat to scratch his head, and lo ! out dropped the missing pocket book ! Our hero flung up both hands in ec3tacy. "Hocray!" cried he; "a's fount! Hail Coin i.by ! E Vlurihus Union ! Three cheers for tho Constitution aud the Union S" And they were given with a will. And about the same time tho conduc tor picked up a n< udescript looking bag from the floor. The young lady in pink rushed forward and seized it. "My pocket! my pocket ! it must have untied aud slipped offl Oh, haint I happy! And Joe's uiiunerature all safe !' "Let's shake hands j" said Joshua ap proaching her. "I haint a pickpocket and you haint a pickpocket ; and by golly, I'll have a iciss on it." Aud he did. A Prompt Mnu of Business. The following "business-scene" from "Never too Lalo to Mend" is scarcely excelled by anything from tho pen of Dickens : "Meadows found Mr. Clinton at Peel's." "Mr. Clinton, I want a man of intel ligence to be at my service lor twenty four hours. I give you the first offer, Sir." "Mr. Cliuton replied that really ho had so many irons in the fire, that twen ty-four hours-" "Meadows put a fifty pouud note on the table. "Will all your irons irou you out fifty pouuds as flat as that?" "Why, homy" "No, uor five. Come, Sir, sharp is the word. (Jan you be my servant twenty fuur hours for fifty pounds ? yes or no I" "Why, this drauiat*c?yes !" "It is half-past two 1 ? ? aud four o clock I must buy a few hun dred acres in Australia a fair bargain." "Humph ! Woll, that can bo done. I know an old fellow that has laud in overy part of the globe." "Take mo to him." "Iu ten minutes they were in one of those dingy narrow alleys in the city of London that look the abode of decent poverty, and they could afford to buy Grosveuer Square for their stables \ and and >\r. Clinton introduced his friend to a blear-eyed merchant in a large room papered with maps ; the windows were incrustcd, mustard and cress might have been grown from them Beauty in clean linen collar aud wristbands would have shone here with intolerable lustre ; hut the blcir-vyed merchant did not come out bright by coutrust; ho had taken the local color. You could seo hint, and that was all, like a partridge ill a furrow ; a snuff colored man ; coat rusty all hut the Collar, aud that greasy ; poor as its color was, his linen had thought it worth emulating ; blackish nails, cotton wipe, little bald place on head, but didn't shine for the samo reason the windows didn't. Mr. Cliutou upproached this "dhirrty money," this, rusty coin, in the spirit of fluofdbyXiui1;?* ' "Sir," said ho in a low reverential tone, "tbie. party is disposed to purchase a few hundred acres in tho colonies." "Mr. Rich looked up from his desk and pointed with a svroep of his pen to the walls. "There ore the mnps: the red crosses arc my luud. They numbered, llofcr to the margin of map and you will find tho acres and the latitude aud longitude calculated to a fraction. When you have settled in what part of tho world you buy, come to me again j time is gold." "And the blear-eyed merchant wrote, and scaled, aud filed, and took no notice of his customers. They found red cross es in several of tho United States, in Canada, in Borneo, in nearly all the colo nies, aud as luck would have it, they found one small cross within thirty milof of Bathurst, and the margin described it as five hundred nores. Mr. Meadows stepped toward the desk. "I have found a small property near Bathurst."'" "Bathurst? where is that?" "In Australia." "Suit?" "If the price suits. What is tho price. Sir?" "The books must toll us that." "Mr. Rich stretched out his arm and seized a large ledger aud gave it to Meadows. "1 have but ono price for land, and that is five per cent, profit on my outlay. Book will tell you what it stands me iu : add fivo per ceut to that, and take the. land away or leave it." "With this curt explanation Mr. 11 ich resumed his work. "It seems you gave five shillings an i acre, Sir," said Mr. Clinton. ' Five i times five hundred shillings, one huu lied and twenty-five pot uds. lutere.-t a! five p.t cout. sis^MudifclKsT." -When did* I buy it?" asked Mr. Ruh. '?Oh ! when did you buy it, Sir ?" "Mr. Rieh .-Hatched the book a little pettishly und pave it to Meadows. ' V? u make the calculation, said he; "the figures are all there. Coiiie to mc when you have made it." ??The laud had been bought twenty seven years aud some mouths ago. Mr. Meadows made the calculation iu a turn of the hand, and announced it. Hieb rang a hand-bell. Another siiufly figure, 1 with a stoop and a bald head and a p n came through a curtain. ".Jones, verify that calculation." ?'Penny half penny two pence; penny halfpenny two pence. Mum, mum! Half-penny wrong, Sir." "There is u half-penny wrong," cried Rich to Meadows with a most injured air. ''There is, Sir," said Meadows, "but it is ou the right side lor you. I thought j 1 would make it even money against my self. There are only two ways, wrong aud right," was the reply. "Jones, make it right. There, that is the price for the next half hour ; after busiucss hour- to day add a day's interest; and, Junes, if he docs not buy, write your calculation into the book with date?save time nest customer comes for it." "You need not trouble Mr. Jones," said Meadows. "1 take the laud. Here is two hundred and fifty pounds?that i> : iuuuci luoro loan iiaif tho purchase "Jones, count." "When can I have Joeds, Sir ?" "Ten to-morrow.'' '?Receipt for two hundred and fifty pounds," said Meadows, fulling into tin other's key. ".Jones, write receipt, two, live, naught." '?Write mo an agreement to sell," pro posed Meadows. ??No, you write it. ; I'll sign it. Jones, enter transaction iu the hooks. Nave you anything to do, young gentleman '(" addressing (,'liuton. '?No, Sir." "Then draw this pen through tho tu i crosses on the map aud margin. Good morning gentlemen." "And the money-making machine rose anil dismissed them as ho had received them, with a short, sharp busiucss congo." "Vo fair, who turn a shop hea l over heels, maul sixty yards of ribbon and hup six, which being homo insatia bio becomes your dosil to change it for other six which you had fairly, closely and with nil tho powers of your mind, compared with it during the seventy minutes the purchase occupied, let mo respectfully inform you that the above business took just eight minutes and that when it was done, 'twas done." Lovo in the Oil District. In Clarion county, near tho celebrated oil producing district known as Parker's Landing, and not a great distance from where the Clarion river mingles its pel lucid waters with (ho swifter?rolling tide of the Allcghany, has lived for years a man named Ho wilt, who, coming to the country in its early history, erect ed a cabin, and maintained an humblo existence by following his profession of horseshoeing. When tho oil excitement brought numbers of speculators to that section of Pennsylvania, it was discovered that tho blacksmith's farm was ? series of oil wells, and he sold it for a large sum, pur chasing for himself a stylish residence iu tho neighborhood. ilero. with his only daughter, Laura, now ol marriageable age, he lived hap pily until fato threw in his daughter's way an affiuity?a young man named 11 any Richardson, a driller by occupa tion, and poor :is a church mouse. She sought his society (her father had long since forbidden his coming to the house) and hardly a day passed but that she was seen iu the derrick, watching the pulsations of the walking beam and her heart at the same time, aud listening to his stories of adventure by flood and (oiH field 'She loved him for the dangers he hid passed,' and he loved her because he be lieved his yarns, and no one else would. Finally, ? nc bright day, as he had just Gnished u terrible recital of escape from death 1 y a falling sand-pump pulley, she shrieked, and said she 'wished that llo iven h .'I made her such a man,' when Harry abandoned the timber screw rope aod caught the fair Laura to his petro lunm stained bos urn, wiped tho benzine from hi* brow and lips, kissed her, aad said : ? I ii:u the man !' Whih i nj >ying the few moments suc ce< ding their betrothal?blissful mo ments, that only come twice iu a man's lifetimej once when he finds his moth er's preserves, and the other us men tioned?the lovers were startled by the entrance of the 'village blacksmith,' who seized his daughter, and without a word to the disconsolate Henry, carried Laura home and locked her up. Days passed without communication between the lovers, and while Laura grew thin Henry also experienced bad luck. His tools got fastj the sand pump burstcd, and his heart promised soon ti follow suit.j Put just here a happy thought struck him. Outside of the derrick was seve ral hundred lect gas-pipe, lie could not la_\ a tele-raph wire, but he might lay a pipe line to his Laura's house, through which, perchance, two hearts could 'beat as one.' and hold communication sweet, in spite ol the defeated free pipe bill. No sooner suggested than acted upon. That night he laid six hundred and eighty-ouc feet of half-inch gas pipe un der ground, between his derrick aud the prison of It's bet rot lied. A happy junction with the eavespout was effected during the next night, and shortly afterward* n>*??o?..??> ? ~ and received between the lovers, Laura h :ving brought the end of the water pipe close to her window aud Henry h id his end of the Hue directly beneath his pillow, where, after ho was 'off tour,' ho would whisper words of uudying affec tion, that only ended whin befell asleep aud the pipe .-lipped out of his baud. liut while dove giggled at the lock smith,' the blacksmith was preparing to .smut right out at love. One day while Laura was at her din ner, her father had. while looking around the room, discovered the misplaced pipe, and while gazing with a critic's eye at the strange spectacle, was more startled by the soft wolds, coming apparently from the eijtcru. 'Laura, dear, is tho old man around.''' M r. llow ett Min^t a mouse. He did more than that?he inhaled tho genuine odor of a whurl rat; but saying nothing, lie morch descended the .-lairs, and returned with a pint of oily looking liquid, which he handled wi ll extreme care. Making a cartridge of paper that would hold nearly all the mixture, he in veiled it in the pipe several feet, and then placing a bar of iron upon that, culled loudly cuough to bo heard through cartridge, pipe nnd all; 'Henry, Jny dear, arc you thcro?' Quickly came tho faiut reply : ?.? 'Yes, Laura.' 'Place your ear at tho hole, Henry.' Here tho parent raised a sledgp ham mer and struck the iron rod. ... i An earthquake followed, before tho echoes of which had rolled away, could be seen the disappearance of an cngiue houso in mid air, followed by tho gable end of tho Howitt mansion. And now for the sequel. In his anxiety to seo 'how it was him. self,'old Howitt remained too near the pipe, and when tho glyceriue wont off, he did also aud was picked up in Arm strong county a few days later. But where wns Henry f Instead of applying his car to the hole he had stepped to the derrick for a mo ment, during which tho explosion oc curred. Ho was only stunned, and a few moments later mot his betrcthed running to sec if he was hurt. They fled at once to a neighboring justice of the peace, aud were married. They have patched up the old house, and arc happy, though tho mysterious disappearance of their father was a sub ject of conversation for mouths alter. This is the story, as told us by an old man who lives near Henry aud Laura, who heard the noise and also saw whero tho ground had beeu torn up by the lather's vengeful experiment. If any oue doubts the story, tho der rick is Rlill to be seen. Undo Tim s Cat. In introducing Uncle Tim Smith, al low me to say that no man iu Western Oxford, Maine, was better known in his day. Ho was an honest, poor, hard working man, and his only failing?if failing it could be called?was the toil iug of his big stories. I am sure, how ever, that iu one respect his memory had become so wrapped that ho religiously believed his wonderful relations to be true. He was the firs: man to put a spade into the soil of the first and only farm I ever owned, aud thereafter ho did much work for me. -Talking about cats," said I.'ucle Tim, ' puts mo in mind ol a cat I once owned. Let me tell you about her. She was a Mai tee?oue 1 got of Charles Baker? and what that cat didu't know wasn't worth kuowiu*. "In the spring of '4G I moved into the little houso down on tho cruoked river.. Wc put our provisious down cellar, aud the. first night wc made up our bods on the floor. But wc didu't sleep. No soonor had it came dark than we beard a teariu' and a squeak in' in the cellar that was awful. 1 lit a candle and went down. Jerusalem! Talk about rats! I never saw such a sight iu all my bom days ! Every inch of tho cellar bottom was covered with 'em. They ran up onto nie, aud they run over uie. I jump ed baok into the room aud called the cat. She come down and looked. 1 guess she sot there abuul tcu minutes, j look in' at them rats, and I was waitiu' to see what she would do. By'mby shw shook her bead, aud turned about und weut up stairs. She didu't care to tackle em." "That night, I tell ye, there wasn't much sleep. In the moruiu1 1 called for '. .-, _?'.. ...... ..uuiuii I. mm tier, cue u gone. 1 guo-sel the rats had frightened iier, and, to tell the plain truth, 1 didu't much wonder. Night came again, aud the old cat hadn't shown herself. Says Betsy Ann to me?says she?'Tim, if that old cat don't come back, we'll have to loavo this place. The rat's'll eat us up.' Says I : 'Just you let the old cat bo.' I didn't believe she'd lclt us for good at all. 'fJust as Betsy Ann was puttiu' tho children to bed, we heard a scratchin' and waulin' at the outside door. I went aud opened it, and there stood our old Mal ice cm the door-Step, and behind her a whole army of cat-, all paraded as regular as ye ever saw soldiers ! 1 let our old cat iu, aud tho others followed her. She weut right to the collar door and scratched there. I began to understand. Old UiabtCO had boon out after help. 1 opened the way to the Other cata tramp ed after her in regular order?as they went past mo I counted fifty-six of 'em ! "Go-whittuker I If there wasn't a row aud a rumpus in that 'ere collar that night, then I'm mistaken ! Tho uext moruiu' the old cat came up aud caught hold of my trowsora' log, and pulled me towards tho door. I went down and saw tfce, sight.. Talk about* yer Bunker:Bill, and your.. Boston Massacres! Meroyl I neversaw such-? sight before nor since. Betsy Ann nnd me, with m> boy Sammy * was all Jay at hard work as we oould bo cfeqrfn' Out df.<it rata ojU o/ ihut 'erf cel lar ! It's a fact?overj word of it I" - .Tue Giulb.?-Aa exchange notices the girls of tho principal cities in the country, as follows Baltimore, the. handsomest. Boston, tho most intellectual. ( , -New , York, the gayest aud most ex pensive in dress. Washington, the most airy and super?! ficial. ... Philadelphia, the most refined and ladylike.. Chicago, the fastest and most diasipa led.. ' /. , . ' . :* ? Toledo, the biggest feel. ? Memphis, the most money-loving. St. Louis, the most elugant., New Orleans, the most highly accom plished. Cincinnati, the greatest flirts. Louisville the.proudest. Detroit, the wildest. Cleveland, the nost graceful and eu- . tcrtaiuing in conversation. Sau Fraucisco, the most indifferent. Bichmond the most anxious to bo loved. Mobile, the most liberal entertain ers. -y _ ? ? r. Vicktdiurg, the neatest and prettiest. Hartford, the best musicians. Buffalo, the dullest. Rochester,-the longest hair. Charleston, the most exclusive. ~~??^--^?? An Honest Custom eb.-~-An anec dote worth laughing over is told of a man who had an infirmity as well as an appetite lor fish. He was anxious to keep up his character for honesty, even while making a bill with his merchant, as the story goes, and when his back was turned the honest buyer slipped a cod fish nndcr hi- coat tail. But the gar ment was too short to cover tho theft, and the merchant perceived it. ' "Now" said tho customer, anxious to improve all tho opportunities to call at tention to his virtue^, ".Mr. Merchant I have traded1 with you a good deal, and have paid you up honestly and promptly, r haven't r?" : '-Oh ye-;" answered the merchant, "I have rio complaint." '?Well," said the customer, "I always insisted that honesty was tho best poli cy, and the best rule to livo and die by." 1 ? That's so," replied the merchant, apd the custofiter turned to depart. ?;Hol 1 on, friend !" cried the mer chant; "speaking of honesty, I have a bit of ad vie j to give you: Whenever you come to ttade again, you had better wear a longer coat, or steal a shorter codfish." For the benefit of those who aro not very well posted in Biblical affairs, we print the following paragraph : A day's journey is thirty-three and one-fifth miles. A Sabbath day's journey was about an English mile. A cubit is twenty-two inches. Kzekiel's reed was seven feet. A hand's breadth is equal to three and five-eighths inches. ...--? - or? ???" A talent of silver was $538.32. A talent of gold was 813,800. H piece of silver, or a penny was thirteen cents. A farthing was three cents. A garah was a cent. A mite was a cent. An epba or bath, contains seven gal lons and five piuts. A bin was one gallon and two pints. A firkiu was seven pints. A young minister vrhosc reputation for veracity was not very good, once ven tured to diflcr with an old doctor of di vinity as to the efficacy of the use of tho rod. * Why," said he, "the only time my father ever whipped me it was for telling the truth." "Well,'' retorted tho doctor, "it cured yon of it, didn't it?" An old farmer who was asked by an impertinent attorney if there wore any pretty girls in his neighborhood, tower ed, "Yes, lots of'o.u ; so many that tbey ca.t't all find rcspcctablo husbands, and lately somo of 'om's boen takiu' up with lawyers."