Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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?AT? VOLUME 3. SATURDAY MORNING, MAY 8. 1869. ttM iutMpt OA N UMBER m. ?be Termagant of Bryony OR "THE OLD MONSTHBSS." ?ff* ,i\ l * BY PAYS AN. CHAPTER. I. v ffWUy thisquorolous tone, Lclic? what makes you complain so much of tho neighborhood? why this dejection nnd low spiritodness ? oheer up and remoui beti that *A sorrow's crown of sorrows is remembering happior days." | ?'Afe! Rosino, it is not recollections of tho associations of the past, nor knowl edge of tho gloom of the present, that weighs down upon me. It is-" "Out with it Lelio, keep nothing from a friend in whose confidence you have, nnd may still repo-e tho most implicit ? I ur>v. "Oh ! Rosine that tnischicf-niakcr and invidious prattler has been saying so many hard and oruci things about me." "Lilie, that's nothing; you know her disposition?everybody knows it. She is not capable of impairing your charac ter in the estimation of any one. You kiius? there is a certain class of people, in.whose heart lurks that low and de ceptive envy, which prompts indiscrimi nate . slander, without desiguing that those upon whom it falls should ever near of At. She is a reproaeututive of that class." . "Rosine, there is little consolation iu a simple knowledge of her character. To know her is to incur her hatred ; tiud I believe she is capable of usiug auy means to carry her points." "No, Lclic, I don't thiuk she repre sents exactly the opinion you have formed of her ; that sho is an evil minded womau, I am willing to admit; hut at the same: time, she docs not mean werylhiug she says. Were you to make issue With her concerning what she bus -?llit ^i-^?i^jJ^Mildtlenycrery^hin!*. You - remember how sho swallowed her own words when Mr. Gronello- attacked her about the report sho had circulated '! aud how she smothered over the whole affair with sycophancy.*' ?'Wait, Rubine, until you know some thing of the nature of what she has said about me beforo you attempt to palliate the difference ot opinion between us in regard to Miss Dun wood." -Proceed then to tell me. perhaps I may Imvc formed an opinion too husti ? "She passed censure of the severest kind on rny grand-parents ; even went so J fur us to repute them dishouest; ami said that X had inherited their Mailings.' These imputations were made at a din ner-table, where I was one of the lead iug subjects of her remarks. She criti cised my conduct on several occasions, tetetied to riio manner in which I had been raised, predicted my future, and. rsroratcd with a disquisition on the hio- . \orv of my lineal ancestors generally. ThU Was told to me by a bosom fricud, who was present?for her sake you must obFcrvc the strictest soeresy." "Of course. Lclic, I ?Vo1) n'd. divulge a siugle word. But were I in -your ? place, I should hold Mrs. Dun wood re sponsible for the iusults she has designed to offer you." "Such reports never improve any by being made public, Rosino. On the con trary thoy gain unfavorable additions. Besides, any attempt of mine tc demand an explanation or retraction, would be regarded by her belligerent spirit as an invitation for battle, and no doubt, the whole affair would cud iu an ultereative war. Nothing would give her more pleasure than an opportunity to quarre] With uic, a thing which above all others, I most detest." This conversation bctweon Lelio Lo dere aud Rosino Steptou will somewhat portray the ?character of Mrs. Duuwoud. Iler leading passion was to slander. In tbio she could not bo surpassed, aud few could be fouud to equal her. The name of sumo one always formed a theme upon which she gavu vent to her malicious feelings. Sho rejoiced over other's mis ibrtuuus, und pined at thuir success, 'lo keep tho uoigbboihood in a state of dis turbance wus the height of her umbitiou and acute, ot dulight. Tho most obdu rate will based upon the most f-rioUB temper, any liuumii on ourth ever pos seted, rendered her an object of terror, nnd gained for her the slang phrase ol v,,i'ho Old Moustrcss." She Was equal t? e..:. , -Ky a?d Would a?rj;y the greatest sacrifices to gain the most trival points. Those upon whom jibe affected' ty bestow ftitfydihip; '-l?c retained as long as they subserved her interests. Iuter cst was the governing lew of her na ture, huJ she would sacrifice everything elso to promote it. Her tongue was a weapon, whose power to execute seldom failed?this was her forto. Sho imag ined a feeling of independence, and tried to assume an air of iudiffereuce. Hor mind, all thu time actively engaged iu inaturiug her private plaus, by which to gain hor secret ends, rondercd her al most pertcot in tho art of device. A knowledge of the inubility and unwill ingness of others to attempt to compete with her, inspired an audacity that was only cqmilled by her iuiperti-jenoey and! she exercised tho privilege, which all seemed to grant as if by mutual consent of talking with impunity. Lelic Lodere was a modest, unassum ing, unsuspecting creature, altogether unable und unprepared to combat the vindictivoncss of 3ir?. Dunwood's na ture. One of her "failings" was ovor credulousuess. Hor confidence oucc es tablished by professions of friendship was not easily shaken. Weakness in this respect often gave desiguing ones an advantage over her. The friendship she cherished for Hosinc was always sup posed to have been mutual, und indeed was until the former bocatno the rival of the lattor in a suit of love. As soon as this was discovered, Rosine became estranged, and tho "relation which she aller wards professed to cherish, was feigned merely for tho sake of making Lelie's confessions, her own weapons of 'defence. Lelic bad not ouly the duplicity of Rosine Stepton to contend with, but also the enmity of "The Old Moustress." Ah soon as time and circumstauccs offered an opportunity, Rosine repaired to Bryony to report thu rosult of her in terview with Lelic '--What luck, darling," inquired the old lady deceitfully, after Rosine hud sa luted hor with ftjjt> interested, kiss. "Did 3'ou get any information from yesterday's interview V '?None, Aunt Carrie," replied Rosine assuming n title of relationship through respect to .Mrs. Dunwood's age, and tho cause for which she had engaged hor. '?f got no information to tho point, but heard some very denunciatory re I marks about you. "llcr opinion of you is extremely flattering, I us*ure you, she continued ironic illy. "Never mind Rosine, the day of retti liition will come for all that. I have a plan iu view, which, if executed, will re pay us for what she has said about me. *;lie is tlu ouly obstacle iu the way of J?lich Clcburue paying his addresses to you, and if we can remove tkitt, you may be assured of what will follow." This intimation of Mrs. Dunwood's intentions caused Rosiue a sigh. Al though she was willing to rely upon Mrs. Dunwood's judgment to give shape and direction to affairs, yet conscience smoio tar i" the serious contemplation of becoming an accomplice against Lelic. Nevertheless she resolved to sacrifice' principle for the sake of love. Sho did love Julien Cleburnc aud re garded Lelic as tho only i!?Rtacle to a reciprocity of feeling. If he hau "ever told her iu plain English that he loved her, hid actions had been construed to imply as much. That she was pretty, fascinating and prepossessing bud boon acknowledged by many. That for a lobg time she and Lelie had di.idcd the charms of Julien, she was willing to be lieve also. Then what was the cause of his final predilection for Lelie? The answer is to Rosine's mind that it w:-.s money. Lelie was the only living issue of old Mr. Lodere. Her mother died when sho was fifteen years of age, and her lather having resolved never to marry again, made over his entire property to bis daughter. His ostato was worth about twenty-five thousand dollars, which no doubt, had its charms in the eyes of many. But it did not wieled any influ ence in Julien Cleburne's choice of Le lie as Rosiue supposed. That this pro perty qualification was no objection, it is human naturo to suppose, but at the sumo timo, it would not atone for the ab sonco of any other quality, which it might be Julion's fancy to cherish. cuav. ii. '?There's beauteous shrubs nnd flowers and trees, , There's perfumes floating in the breeze, And ?n!>ii<! gatt? of faconM bvw Upon the banks of tho In tho County of -?, near the cast buuks of the S-river stauds a plain little cottage. It was built when its owucr was in comparative poverty. No chaugcs havo been wrought in its ap pearanoo since its erection, except that it has been repainted. It is a simple frame structure. A garret in which aro hung two doruiaut windows given it an nntiquo appearance. The lattice work between its small columns is intertwined with tho green tresses ot the ivy und woodbiuo. Flowers, shrubs, and a vu ricty of exotics euhanco the beauty of tbo yard. In front, leadiug from tho gato tn tho river stretches an avenue of a few hundred yards iu length on cither gidn of which, at regular intervals, grow evergreen oaks that have been trans planted lrom the swamps. Winding along tho terminus of this avenue the dark and heavy waters of the S-roll ou in a southeasterly direc tion. Near (.?- ferry stands the cot tage described above?the home ol Lelie Lodere. It is almost hidden from view by the douse forest by which it is environed. In rear, every variety of oak interspersed with tall and gigantic pine trcos overlooking its heights for nearly a mile back. The undergrowth between tho cottago and river had always been kept shrubbed down, and the branches of the trees lopped off to a height that afforded an unobstructed view to the river. This care not only added to the appearance of the cottage, but often re lieved the monotony of Lelie's loug Sum mer days in affording a _yicw of tho lit tle fishing boats that, during the Sum mer, Were constantly passing up and down the river. It w;is a pleasant, evening m'Jtine', while Lelie was wntehiug the little boats as they plied from shore to shore, that she descried a horseman riding down the avenue. The sun was sinking in the tree tops?his dazzling rays reflected by the pebbles of the river caused myriads of little silvery dies to play upon its sur ,faco. The rider mentioned above was Julien Clehurnc. lie has reined his horse in "and dismounted at the gate. In the mean time Lelie has disappeared to her room to arrange her toilet. Julien is ushered in the parlor by a servant, who j announces that "Miss Lelie will be in di- , rcetly." Julien** mind was now made up. To 1 attempt to smother his feelings in silence any longer was only to entail a pain, which tho effort itself increased. He therefore determined to unbosom himself, let the consequences be what they might. In n few minutes Lelie made her ap pearance, and after mutual salutations seated herself n few paces from him. He drew his chair in close proximity with hers and gently seized her hand. She withdrew it with a look of astonish ment that caused him to wince under her silent gaze. After collecting himself he asked forgiveness, attributing tbo privilege he had assumed to the demand of an erring lover. Lelie rebuked the flat declaration ex pressed iu the excuse with an incredu lous smile. But, Julien had determined not to have his suit evaded. He had come to I pay Iiis "vowal to Lelie and would do so if it involved inM j1'0 Ho seized her hand agaia?sin, tempted to withdraw it, but the effort only increased the pressure of his grasp, and he held the little prisoner captive until a ransom was offered for its release. Lelie spoke not a word?her heart was too full for utterance. The magnet had drawn her under its influence, and she had no will to re >iot the power of its charms. Aud if silence was convent, what belter token could she give that she loved him '( Yes '. the die is cast?the engagement | staled. Bright dreams, borne on pin ions of love now open their future in starry colors of peace aud sunshine. CHAP. iii. ' Never mind, Rosine, the day of re tribution wiil cotue for all thrt," contain ed the full meaning of Mrs. Dun wood's intentions, and was a prelude to us evil a design as was possible for her to con ceive. She was a woman capable of the most consummate miscbiof, and her most pro digious efforts wero never considered too dour to pay the cost of any undertaking. She gloried in abuse ami slander?re joiced in n nevor ceasing style oi prat tling, whitdi her owu levity Oon^trncd into O'nart.ness. What kIio failed to re fute by argument, sho was sure to defeat by vain and digusting leaps of incongru ity. Sho regarded hcwolf us u sort of receptadle ot* wit und wisdom, and was even moro of a politician than Autia Diekenson. She took the contrary sido of every generation for ajrgumeut's sake. Egotism was u coinmon failing with her. What others did sho feould do better; what others had ?ho hatfTSettcr. Could she have ehosuu a motto for-others bid ding it would have beoj|?"I am Queen, come and worship me." With such a woman) we need not be surprised at anything she might do, for as Lelie Loddrc remarked in the lirst chapter of this story, she is capable of using any means to carry her points. Nor need wo be surprUijcd, that the au thoress of this assertion* should full a victim of her malice, when W3 consider the threats that have been made. * * * *L_ * * Mrs. Dun wood's scheme has now eul initiated to a {mint that bus stirred up tho curious "wonderfully." The rumor has become a "wonder." The excite ment of the unsophisticated old Mrs. (Ireenspeeks is on tip-foe, arid she has laid aside her knitting to listen to aud "wonder" at every woul that old Mrs. Lovesport tells her; while old Mrs. Startling Intelligence in on the go from house to house to coiurtfunicatc with one breath, a .rig-ma-rolo, ol the most start ling nonsense. Madam Exagcrution also has a voice iu the council, while old Mr. Sceptic looks on with apparent indiffe rence. Iu the mean time '-The Old Mon BlreSb'' and r?nne uro discussing and maturing the plan by which they hope to prevent Lei it's marriage with Julien. Mrs Dun wood had cautiously prc p^r'CTT--vlu; way, as she.thought to give tone aud cfi"ccr?olj?f"s^home. She had proved it by impeaching the integrityor* the Lodere family which she thought would facilitate matters in the connec tion iu which she wished to make Lclic appear, aud verify b<r predictions. Even should sJlggJgfcb^^eataUish the truth of tho alb-g-.tiou when the trial took place, the disgraceful nature of the .dt arge itself she thought, would never theless leave its own derogatory bearings upon Lelic's standing,and thus accom plish the cud iu view. ?i'or." said she to llosiue, "even tue audacity of the at tempt will gain additions conducive to the purpose, although the girl is as in nocent as a lamb." "Hut with all this evidence we can establish tact out of mutter of our own make, and who cares how much she suffers, So we est rang?: Julien. 1 am certain then, Rosine, you will be the next to receive bis addresses, lor it was only Lelic's uiooey that huught him over from the lirst. "Hut," remarked Rosino, somewhat overwhelmed with the enormity of the j design, "it will bo so humiliating to Lelie to have her brought up in Court upou the charge of stealing. She thinks too, I am such a good friend of hers.| 1 don't believe my conscience will ever get over it if I consent to?" ' Now. goodness!" interrupted "The Old Montrcss," -please to don't talk iu that manner. It is t<m late to speak ol' conscience. We cannot go this far with our uudcrtukiug.without Jinking an el fort to carry it through. It would be time jthrowu away. Rosine ! these chicken !:?*rtcd people who flag when tiio vl'lZ? or ali undertaking approaJ are sure never to succoed. Besides, there is more to excite {rompuuetious of conscience in the contemplation of the scheine than in its execution." 'I hese words had u consolitary effect upon llosiue. and she consented to have the merit of Mrs. Dunwood's plan tested. CIIA1?. IV. The morning of the 30th of July, found Julien at Lelic's side. She was bowed down with grief. "Oh ! Julien," she exclaimed, "little did I dream four weeks ago that things would come to this. Would that death had laid me in the cold aud silent grave ere 1 hud become the victim of such a fate. 1 would ruthef die thutl bear the burden ol this reproach?this intolerable weight of woe. The world will over condemn me for \n li.u 1 canuot disprove Miserable creaturo that 1 aim I am ruined! ruined! Thank Heaven! Cod knows my heart. You nre released, Ju lien" 'Never! Never!" on this nceount, answered Julien. "You are mine still, dnvling, and mine- forever. Myriads like Mrs. Dunwood, even should gho es tllhlish your guilt in the eye of the law. can never make r ? |wdifl*?o that you uro morally guilty. . . .row, ;1 (Jod spares us. we marry.'' "Oh ! Julien, but?" "I h?ard it all lust uight, darling," in terrupted Julien. "Sho is a demon ou earth?a perfect devil. But lear not." Theso words from ona who was utmost in her affections had au^ effect whiph could not have been produced coming from any ouo else. The ordeal through which she had. passed, provod too much for her, and she resigned herself to Ju lien'? embraces, aud fell into a sweet sleep. Atter passing n few moments of lovo in the fairy fields of dreamland she awoke from the tender pressure of kisses that were imprinted ou her cheeks. !,Ycs, Lelie," continued Julien, "this very course which Mrs. Dunwood has taken to degrndo you has drawn tighter the chords of love and sympathy, and caused me to cherish tho desire of a more speedy uniou. I took for gtanted that you would not refuse and urraugod to have tho happy event cooBummatod to-morrow." Lelie assented, and the Sabbath morn ing of the 31st of July was appointed for the marriage. And clear und bright was the d.ny. The congregation of tho neighborhood church had assembled for preaching. It was half-past ten wheu Lelic, supported upon Julien's arm, passed down the aisle of the church to within a few paces of the altar. They stand ouly a low mo ments. Soon the minister descends from the altar, and to the surprise and aston ishment of those who w. re ig: o ant of what was to take place, began to per form tho ceremony of matrimony. Dis appointment now settles upon the coun tenauccs of 'The Old Monstress" and Rosine. As if fcai tul to trust their own eyes and ears, they look around iu aston ishment to get the testimony of other ?^ff^^sses to what is going ou. Jhit, afti*t-X1 i? :l" ovcr them now. Rosine's fateT^?stloomcd. "Lelie is safe now. ^$ov?dcuco has protected her !" ? ? -?>_ Thus said Rosine t.i herself, while the ceremony was being performed. Con science hau now resumed its swn}'. and Was justly punishing her for its long dis luissuh Recollections of her old lumpy associations with Lelie, and the pleasant scenes .-.ml situations in which they had figured together were now fit emblems of reproach for her trenchousuess. Dupe I that 1 have been, she exclaimed, ami this is the return for my weakness? these blighted hopes. Sho shall suffer too. (meaning Mrs. Dunwood,) demon, devil, that she is. I'll sh ?w her up to the world even if 1 du loose my owu character. Wait, wait." Thus soliquuod Rosine. Mrs. Dun wood was now at her row's end. Oh I If she could ouly recall till the measures she had takeu against Lelio. But she had instituted charges and how could she arrest the proceedings aller having gone so far. To stop now would exoner 'ate Lelie and show her g"ilty of an at tempt at slander. However, if she could succeed iu what she had set out to do, it would be a satisfaction to know that she had punished Lelie lor her precipi tancy. Thus reasoned "The Old Monstress." But even in this she was declined to fail, fur Rosine had secretly resolved to expose the whole affair. Sho determin ed to revenge her fute even if she hud to st igmatize hoi oharu^r for life to do so. Accordingly after her return from , church she wrote a note to Lelic in which she exposed everything, and nt the same time dispatched one to Mrs. Dunwood informing her of what she had done. She acknowledged her guilt to Lelic (now Mrs. Clcbttrne) and prayed forgiveness. Brought up {Mrs. Dun tvood's character in lively colors, and somewhat palliated her own ^o'lduet by exposing the enormity of Mrs. Dun Woods guilt. Mrs. Dunwood, she said had engaged to impeach Lelie's charac ter by proving her a rogue. Told the plan which had been concocted to prove that point. For once "The Old Monstresa" had becu overmatched. This exposure was so sudden, so unexpected, and so cutting that it baffled all ideas of Mrs. Dunwood how to proceed in the premises. She was not prepared for Kosino's treachery and the latter had only acquiesced in her scheme to betray her. She thus gave to Rosiue more credit than she deserved, for her treachery l.-id not been premeditated. It was only the result r.f disappointment that caused the in. tautaneous turning of the tubles, in order to compensate for the defeat of the j attempt to prevent Lelie's marriage vidi 1.1 alien. Lelie extended pardon to Rosiue and Mrs. Dunwood. Expresse** a few-Words of good udvice to thorn in her nOto .and offered her sympathies in behalf, of - Ro sine. , j Tho consequences were, that the suit at common law was stopped; and Rosine nnd "The Old MonstrosS"1 afterwards ex communicated from thclchurch with tho contempt of tho. whole beomiuunity rest ing upou them. Yes ! Lclie is loo happy now to in dulge foelings of revenge. She regards Mrs. Dunwood's disgraceful defeat as ample punishment for making the at tempt, and looks upon Rosino with pity aud sympathy. Feels that Providence has rescued her from a fate that would have humiliated her during life Yes I She has passed though the ordeal. The past with all its receding ills has been lost sight of in her present bliss, and even though it were only as yesterday is remembered only as a vague dream Love has pluccd her in a dream of se curity and she regards her marriage as protection against all occurcnccs of a similar kind. "Oh ! married love !?each licart shall own, Where two coiigciUAl souls unite, Thy golden chains inlaid with down, Thy lamp with heaven's own splendor bright." [From the New Orleans Picayune] A Wicked Prank. Wednesday night quite a fashionable wedding was celebrated in the Pourta District. The bride was pretty, as all newly married ladies are, and the groom was tho glass of fashion and the mould of form. A number of invited guests lent grace and beauty to the occasion, and hearty congratulations testified the good wishes of many friends for the happiness of the newly wedded pair. Rut the hours want rapidly, and the time for retiring came at last. The brido wns led by laughing bridesmaids upTi her chamber ?*o?V hut imagine their surprise when it was opened by a lady richly and elegantly clad in a travel ing suit, and evidently waiting fur an interview. ?T beg perdnn, madam; but you ap pear astonished," said tho strange lady. "I must confess that 1 did not expect to s.co any one here,*' replied the bride "No", madam; I came in very privately, and wished tin interview, subject to no iuterrution." It did not occur to tho brido to in quire by whom she had been introduced or by what means she had gained access to her apartment. ?It is very strange, ma'am, and I can't imagine why you wish to speak to me!" "The reason is simple. The man you* have just married has imposed upon you. I am his wife/" . "Oh! impossible?you rave! and the lady sank into a chair almost fainting.?? Of course, tho bridestraids screamed Such a succession of shrieks ono has rarely heard. It speedily brought the family to the door with terror stricken faces and with them the bridegroom, all asking with trembling'lips? "What in the world is the matter?' "Oh! Edward," cried the bride, "this person says she's your wife." "My wife!" shouted the astonished husband; "why, she's insane." The strange lady stood up calm and unruffled. "Is it possible, sir, that having perpe trated tliisi groat wickedness, you wili have the hardihood to deny that I aui your lawfully wedded wife?" she asked, looking the sorely troubled Edward full iu the eye. * "Why, confound you, woman ! I never saw you before in my life!" exclaimed the astonished iran. The lady regarded him very much as a minister would a person given over to total d pravity. "Oh ! Edward, I'm afraid it's true! and I loved you so !" sobbed the young w ife ; how could you have treated mc so?" "1 tell you I havu't got any wife but you ; this woman is an impostor." The strange lady uttered a low mock ing laugh. The scene was getting inter esting to the last degree. The ladies wore nil crying, and the father of the bride looking stern aud indignant. 11c had been for some titno intensely regard* ing the strange lady, when suddenly his eye lighted up, nnd an amused smile played on his lips. Ho took a step forward^ and laying his hand ou the shoulder of the stranger, said: "Conic, John, this is vory cleverly played, bw* it'o t?me it ws? ovor," and following tho impulse of his arm tho stranger was pushed into the hall. . J,'John?7who?what I" oll exclaim,^ at once. ante It was tho 'bride's younger brother5 fcj wicked boy, who had played a naughty prank, with the aid of his sister,^ travel ing suit and bcr cast off ch'guon and curls. ? It is scarcely necessary to remarY' that harmony was very speedily reateWflatfl Protestant Cow.?Paddy Murphy and his wifo Bridget, after many years ^ of hard labor in ditching and washing, had accumulated a sufficiency (bea*M?1 supporting themselves and the "cbilder to purchase a cow (of course they.bad: pigs!) which they did at the first oppor tunity. As it was bought of a Protest-, ant neighbor, Paddy stopped on his way home at the house of the priest, and, procured a bottle of holy water wftn which to exorcise the false faith out of her. "Isn't she a fbino creature?" asked Pat, of the admiring Bridget. "Jest. hold her till I Ox the shed." To save the precious fluid from barm, be took it. iuto the house and set it np !n a cupboard until ho had "fixed" things. Then he returned and brought the bottle out again, and while Bridget was holding the ropo, j rocccdcd to pour it upon her back. But poor Paddy' had made a slight mistake. Standing within the same closet was a bottle of agua/brtis, that had been procured for a different pur pose, and, as it dropped upon the back of tho poor cow, and the hair began to smoke and the flesh burn, she exhibited decided appearances of restlessness. '?Pour on more, Paddy," shouted Bridgot, as she tugged at the rope. "I'll give her enough, now, quoth \ Paddy, aud hr emptied the bottlo. Up went the heels of the cow, down I went her head, over went Bridget and Tha'f a doxen of the "childers," and away tfaiU?uN^he infuriated bovine down the ?reet. to the terror ofull tfie m'offiefs4*' and the delight of the dogs. Poor Paddy stood for a moment breath less with astonistiucnt, aud then, clap ping his bands upon his hips, looked sorrowfully, and exclaimed: -Be jubors, Bridget, bnt isn't the Protestant strong iu her?tho baste !" Josh Bir.r.rxus on tiik Live Max. The live man h like n little pig?he ix " weaned young, and begins few tew root airly. ? He iz the peppcr-sata of ci cation?the allspiea of the world. Tho man who kin dfnw New Orleans molawes. iu January, thru a helf-ittCh augu hole, and siug home sweet home while the molasses is running, may be striktly honest, but ain't <;uddcn enough for thi.; climate. The live man tz as full of hizzincss as the conductor of a street car?The la often like a hornet, very bizey, bat about what the Lord only knows. He litcs up like n cotton factory, and aio't got any moro time tew spare than a schoolboy bus Saturday afternoons. He is like a decoy duck, always above water at least eighteen months during each year. He iz like a runaway boss?ho gets . the whole .of the road. He trots when he walks, and only lie* down at night because every body else dux. Tlio live man is not always a deep thinker; he jumps at a conclusion jos* as a frog duz, and don't always land at the spots he iz looking at. He is the amcrica pet, n perfekt mys tery to foreigners; but haz dun more (with charcoal) to work out the great ness of this country than any other man in it. He don't always die rich, but always dies bizzy and meets death like an oys ter without any fuss. In one of our large cities, a short tinio ogo, n" Western editor was met by a> friend who, taking him by the hands, exclaimed. "I am delighted to see you. How long are you going to stay?" "Why. I think," said tho editor, "I shall stay while my money lasts." "How disappointed I am," said the friend, "I hoped you was going to stay a day or two." ???^?-??e??? An old lady in New Jersey, having read an account of tho bursting of a grindstone in a manufacturing establish ment became torribly alarmed, lest a grindstone which was standing in her coiiar suouiu burst aud blow ? h-j U'.>?& up.