Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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" Two individuals stood ou the capitol tops just after the adjournment of tho Houso, watching the Congressuicu as they dune out. A casual observer would have takes the pair for intelligent foreigners studjjitfjg the institutions of tho country.? Yet they u^ropo strangers to Washington. Ooa wasthe Devil's Undertaker, the other ^was the Devil himsolf. "Well, What <lo you think of Blaiuc?" isaid a Congressman to Ben Wado 111 the >heariag of our friends. 4 < , 'He beats the Devil," senteqtqpirty rcv.-.. marked the/cx-statesman. ? The pre it unknown thus alluded to ^^^uuiled plat/'?y and said to his companion: tmimintr itn't. it?, ltmta ika H'Veij good?, < ia fuuny, yoar Mau^ty,", replied the D^PjJ^ertnker, aud they botV i,Tv;hed. ^ ;'it is evideut that tire'e peoplo do n"?t comprehend the dfcal uafu.e of tho Satanic principle. JJ'he^A'uot see that the Devil u as distinct from tho Devil's Undertaker as .yishuu, tho preserver, is from Siva, the destroyer. It is your interest, of course, to maintain these rascals on oarth just as long as they give any promise of further usefulneess to the oiuse. 1 gather them in to "ton you arc through with them. Yet, wheuover a poor wretch winds up his career and - disappears in a glory of brimstone, the world says, 'Gone to titx Devil,' when, if it knew things as they are, it would say,'Abaudoued by the Devil to the teuder mercies of tho Devil's Undertaker.'" Both of thoso pleasant gentlemen laughed again, and quite.heartily. "Sometimesyou are decidedly \p too much of a hurry for your victims," said the first the final ef i'j'orillbm iu giving him plenty of rope." " \t all events," said the undertaker politely, "wo are perfectly agreed in regard to our Brother Blaine. Even vnur n.in guine, trustful heart cannot hope to get any more service out of him. lu less than fifteen minutes I shall take qu'.et satisfaction iu shaking him off. Here oomes h now " fv jnmf ft ''One moment with yOOiyile, Mr. Blaine," said tho Devil, str ,?ig forward ^ft and beckoning tho cx-Speakur a little apart. The Undertaker followed, cheerfully jiugliug a pair of handcuffs in his pocket. Mr. Blaine turned white and then red, his voice troubled a little, as be said : B^^^ft'Well, sivpwhat is your business with ^/ome at once to the point," said-the hold here a document containing ^^^^^^PLcmont, or contract, or bond, just aftftBftftftyhiS)?.bk>?hicl^ X-fuvnishrd ubiii|\ skill, pluck, wit, nmgu&tic elo/uonee. aud;W\y even to impudence?in short, with c. t ^qualification needful to subserve ambition jn attaining success. Here is your sigaatu^o, you see, all regular and witnessed by our mutual friend, Hannibal Hamlin-." "I remcu.ber. now,"said Blaine,quickly, "I had almost f .rgottcn your face. Haven't seen you, I believe, since I was a member of the Maine>^iegislature. How have you been, old fellow? Come down to dinner i and briug your friend. Should like to have y you meet Sam Ward." , ^ "Thanks," said tho Devil, "but jfc will be impossible. Business is business. *lfou remember that there was a consideration mentioned in tho bond." "I do recall something of the kind," stammered Blaine, nervously. "But ol ( courso you don't menu to Pshaw!? Why, I was young then, and didn't understand the nature of a bond; I was frauduf lently induced to sign the paper, I besides it's outlawed." V "It is not outlawed," answered tho Dovil, firmly. "Everything is legal and regular, 1 aud, after maturo deliberation I have deft tcrniined to hand you over to my undcrtaft* kcr here. V The Devil's Undertaker stepped up with ft ' a smile, and a courteous nod to Mr. Blaine. f "But surely," continued Blaine, "you ^ will not enforco the bobd. O, think of my family, my friends, uiy connections. Let them pload for mo. Try uic a littlo longer I oan still bo of service to you. 1 dyfnt feel that 1 shall be a deadhead in any enterprise you may suyyest. I see various channels in which I know 1 can be useful. With a wave of his baud the Devil referred this piteous petition to the Undertaker. ''It is so nominated in the bond," said ' the undertaker. "I uiust insist upon a strict r*- imuwproiAion of its provisions." / -^"Let me retiro into private life, into obscuritypnto oblivion," urged the ex Speaker. "It will not do," said the undertaker, "I remember coming hero under similar cirk cuinstances just about four ysaretigp. We wore after Colfa*^|hen. The poorwrMwP i pleaded so hard tbd wep so bitterly tlra egainst my better judgment, I gave himjK as a corpse not worth thu burying. ? fid* did he repav uio '( Went lecturing to Voung Men's Christian Associations! 'That is my last oxpetiment in the merciful line." "At least," said Blaioe, in apparent despair, yeu will allow me to look over the bond. Give me fair play. There mny be somo flaw in the pbraaoology.'. [ ^My papers aro always pretty strongly drawn," said the Devil, with a smile; but kl have do objeetion to lotting you satisfy yoiirsolf, provided, of course, you will give Ine your word of honor as between gentlemen, tbat you will roturn the document." "Certainly," said Blaine, "J give you u?y word." The pspor panted into Mr. Dlaino'Hhand* He eat down on the capitol atepa and read it attentively, while tbe Devil and the Devil's Undertaker stood by, patiently waiting l Then a sudden ohange catne over Mr t Blaine's oountonaoee. IIo flushed to the L roots of his hair with virtuous iudignation A He buttoned the bond in his iuser bro.isl \ pocket aod jumping to bis foot, exclaimed id an excited manucr: ."What is this ? An uttcmpt to lujuro me with my own private papers! An invasion of the personal rights of an American citizen ! An outrage on the inalienable privileges of every free-born republican! A dastardly attempt to blacken my reputation by a pcrvcrsiou of uiy own hundwritiug! Never, uever. shall 1 givo up this bond ! 1 defy the Ex-Confederacy aud ill its minions." Co* The vehemence of Mr.( Bftdno's iuvectivc hud drawn a crowd around him.? Somebody suggested that there must be something iu the pa} A which called f.-r concealment. "Coucealmont 1"# he shrieked. '-TwfGpudiate N.j thought. Whenever"cc?.?Jk!m'ont *m?. . , ? , . k <rir "? " is able, avoidance is adv.X-*-?srf. My action is entirely based on brn*'' | Van'1 pics of abstract right. Listen, and 1 will read to you, aud to all the world, and to all the universe, what is in that bdhd." v*. an...- k i ?J ?t??? ' iiilu iiu iuuu, auu >Tiinb me ar miniig.*uidiouco heard was a letter written from Augusta by Mr. Blaine to Haunibal "Hamlin, complimenting tho latter on the povscssiou df ability, skill, jduck, wit. personal beauty, maguetio eloquent' ,.aou" integrity cvonrto blamclessncss. v \ I "Vindicated! Vindicated!" shouted the crowd; tossing their huts in the air and cheering till the heavens raug. "Vindicated I triumphantly, but hadn't you better show the letter to somobody, just as a mere form?" "Oh, that is wholly unnecessary," said Mr. Blaiuc, buttoning up the bond in his pocket again and walking coolly away.? | 'Didn't 1 read it?" i The Devil and his companion had watched the vindication wi'h quiet interest. "There's nnj|^gej|WHu^Bait^e yet," said tin . JDbt uTt better let bin# rA 'lion V .pjPPPBBdow 11 Penmjjf^ vauia avenuV'Ip^'ull on 8f'r ltobberson, the Devil, seem za to bo in taught. Ouce or twice'lie asked his bompa1*-" "VVhafjwas that Bcu Wade*"saLnbout Blaine?"?A". Y. Sun. * i PkimaUy Ejections.?The idea of primary eltl'tious for candidates to fill the I various county offices has been suggested to us by some of our promincut politician? aud ou reflection we consider it a good one, and recommend the plau adopted by Democratic clubs in other sections of the State. But first, Democratic clubs must be organized aud put into complete working order iu every township iu the couuty. This doue : the plan of primary olectious can be ratified or rejected b_' the various clubs. This ^liould be done as early as practicable. If oT' etiODS, tnc following plau is suggested: Let ench one of the clubs iu the county, on a day hcreai. -r to be designated by the executive committee, hold a meeting for tho purpose of bnllotting for cand.dates for tho following offices, to wit: one senator, tour members of the legislature, clerk of couft, sheriff,^udge of probate, school commissioner, three county commissioners aud ceroner, i and after balloting for such candidates, a i:fc4 ..*? p -ii ? i ^ * iibl oi uauius ui an persons voicu ior una the uutubcr oi' vfites each may have received, be made out and scut up through their respective delegations to the county convention, which body shall proceed to couut all votes lor each and every candidate voted for in each club, and thereby ascertaining the whole number of notes for each candidate, shall declare the candidate who roccives a majority of all the votes of all tho clubs, the nominee of the party for the office for which howns ballottcd l">r, provided, however, in caseofa tic betweb tv?ing candidates, the convention shall proceed todcloruiinc, by , ballot, which of them shall be the nominee , of the party. This plan, we are satisfied, will give entire satisfaction, and will cause the party to work harmoniously, which above all things is most desirable in the coming campaign. In this way wc will get the sense of tho whole people and the candidates nominated will be their choice, and will receive their undivided support. There will be no door left open for complaint and dissatisfaction on account of '"court house cliques," "favored 4 jealities" aud a "stuffed convention."? Marion Slur. Whkbk Tim Money Goes.?"Mr. Swipes, won't you split up a little wood and go and borrow a brass kettle beforo you go up town ?" "What in thunder do you want me to do that for ?" "'Cnusi 1 want to preserve some cherries to-day." "Cherri<>?l! "Yes, cherries!" "That's just like you, Mrs SvlAes. You'ro always spluttering and fooling wound with some nonsense like this.' "Nonsense?well, I guess you Jlike preserves as well as auybody." "1 dou't either."? "If you wasn't too lazy to ,-plit tho wood 8 Tou'd Hk< .houi." "Mrs. Swipes, now do I bo sensible. You know this preserving ' Knciiins? ninnnr cinrnv fruit none wax, firewood, and the deuce knows whnt all. But some way or other you never do think about expense, for you're always buying ribbons, rutHus, and flummadiddlcs; but when 1 want anything, such as an cnsy chair to rest my weary bones in?oh, no, 1 can't 1 have it, because you've spent all the money for duds to put on your own back." "Now you think you've said it. Oh no, you don't spend any money, but I spend it all. II that's so, whore do you got money to play pedro and come home to the bosom of yom family stono blind drunk ? Don't deny it. Swipes, for you konw somebody blacked your eye-glasses i' o other day and you was so drunk you thought it wasuiiduightand came home with a lantern in your hand in the : middle of the day. You talk about s^uan dering money." A startling ruuior comes from Paris tbal . long gloves, reaching nearly to the elbo* and requiring twenty buttons, will be eeson tiul to tho peuco of mind of every well > dressed lady this year a ye. *6" I? ? *? LABOR REFORM. , / Kilitors Co/u nib in Register:?The iuiopendence of the farmer's life it now-a-Jays, aud perhaps always was, an attraction; It is all very lovely lor the bard to sing of gentle spring, and bursting nature ; tnd the skippiug lambs, aud the lowing herds, and the fresh turned earth, aud all that. "Tis all very well to say that the farmer has none of the brain work to worry him that | suiciucs so umny trail creatures who have I bank accouutsnow due that they cau't meet; i so many that are brought to desperation by the privations of a city pauper life ; so many who despair because, from tlie pressure of the times, they cannot foresee any mcau?t of securiug a livelihood for their families. I say all this will do for the poetic part nf^gJajoj^-'hic. Hut when wc comedown a7?ip?l TMirt. hew differently things | lrii n??*? tlj> . ...?z I "Inrtl, deceased. ' I, ?n : j notiiiug ol ''the sweat of th^i Jjrow, the burning sun, the piercing col'l the exposure to each, the tired body, and tijo like, for theso-are contingencies from wliioti "\ro claim ,u0 independence. But tlie haul farmer's life attributes to the farmer a mastery, a control, an ability to conduct his likjug, and the privilege of saying how, where, when and what work sha" be done to elevate his farm to its greatest t oduetivc capacity. Tins locality is to-day a mighty delusion. Thv. farmer may .sweat, aud burn, and''freeze, and exhaust his physical efforts to little purpose so long as demoralization runs riot ovdr the land, labor has no stability, and there is no such thing as concert of action or thought amongst those who are tcehnieflHy known as the producers of the mud. ** And this is the exact condition of our country to-day. There is no rystcm, no unUut" 'f purpose, no- concert of action jrr.nongst the far^V.^. Labor is not stable, ] fyr you may hire Jiiu in January for a year; i hupitches your crop, becomes dissatisfied VJfrVyou mitis ceremonic. I want labor tnd at .."pick up Jiui ^s readily as if he had bceu sent by you to uio. "Tramps" swarm the c..uutry, work here to-day, idle yonder to-morrow, and commit iTprcdations everywheifc 9 as they go.? f rough these sources, too, luccndiary and ' I .1 ' 1 ( i U|v-1 pvtuitiuun uuv,uiiiv:9 iiru iT mMlllliait'U. \he isolated farmer, with h. ?icfeuscloss I I'umi!} ^ constant presence lor I these and other causes,' teds* under tfic?? , circumstances the burtlie.is of mental auxi c'v, and attempts to devise means of relic lruni the pressure. Association is his lirs , idea; reform the second, and the rcsultan profit the third. What more natural? For these reasons, and with this view . have our friends on Saluda lliver, in tin f vicinity of oid Stony Point, the most quiet tha - J-. i ih.y.. ~" a*T' ' ?>; ' ?o?f u\*-irablo portion of our couti ty. organized themselves into a "Labor He , form Association," and adopted a const it u tion, to which lias been attached the sigua lure of every real estate owner in that pre . cinet, and a copy of which 1 send you foi publication, that others "'may see our good works," &c. Your obedient servant, A Farmer. Greenwood, Juno 12, 187g. labor reform constitt .on. i We, the citizens of the vicinity of Sims Cross lloads, Abbeville County, S. C., havi i felt- it incumbent upon ourselves to orgau 1 ize for the purpose of effecting the object! set forth in the following constitution : ' Organization.--?The object of this or ganization shall be to benefit our country by conciliating capital and labor ; by incrcas ' ing the productiveness of our investments and by lessening the intolerable burden o tnvntinn. A a.vie.?This organization shall b< known as Labor Reform Association, No. 1 Officers.?The officers of this associa tion shall be a President, one Vice l'rcsi 1 dent, a Secretary and a Treasurer, who sbal be elected by balio^aud serve one year fun 1 day of election * " There shall be an Executive Cotnnutlet 1 consisting of five incinhers, to he elected by ballot and to serve for one year, and whose duty it 'shall be to enforce the pro ' visions of this constitution, subject to an appeal to the association. MEETINGS.?This association shall mecl at 2 P. M.on the second Saturday of eacli mouth, at Bethlehem Academy, unless oth erwise provided at a previous meeting. MF.MUKltsll11*.?Any person cau hecouu | a nienib<.'r of this association who shall re ccivc a two-thirds vote of the members present and subscribe his name to this con . stituti.wefk^i '-^VOne-fourth the members ol this ns?u<;ij^ion shall constitute a quorum. FeKsvj^d IB 'eh.?There shall he no in 1 itiatiou fees nor dues, hut current expense! shall he defrayed by a majority vote. Obligations.?No member of this as | sociation shall or allow to be employed , on his or her farnt nny laborer who emtio! i produce a discharge from hi> or her forinei employer, unless by consent of said employ er, or the Executive Committee of this as sociation. No member shall employ any laborer al , the end of tlio year who is in arrears witli his or her last employer for advances inadt ' during the year, without satisfactory ur , rangements being made for paying the same No member shall knowingly tunploy anj ? laborer who has wantonly violated the lawj , of his couiitrv. No member shall withhold a discharge from any laborer justly entitled to tho same 1 Penalties.?Any member violating auj of the provisions of this constitution, anc , persisting in the same, shall be dismissed I from the association. AMENDMENTS.?This constitution maj be amended by a three-fourths voto of thos< present at any meeting : l'a>vi(f<<J, Notice t, of such an amendment shall have been givei r at a provious meeting. Special?The President sh.;ll hnvopow - or to convene this association whenev. r ii his judgment it shall be deemed nc?* wry ^ I J . - - - ' I? ? BEER-DRINKING AND TEMPXRANCE. Perhaps the temperauce questiou is not exactly soljred in Munich j 1 don't know if , it was over'Taised ; indeed the intemperance question has made So little progress that the i titer has probably not been reached. You .'ouldn't say that the'Munichers are uiod^ att^n the use of bfcer. I have seen people at houic?and raging thirst secuis to b( our national birthright?diink water just a' recklessly, deluging the pale and drcnchi T^touiach with the cold, icy cold fluid.? 1 tybably the German would expatiate eloquently upon the horror- of water-drinking ?. IV he had auy experience in that Hue.? The Mui.Utcr is cotiteoi. not to try any hazardous cxperiuicut; having struck the medium way of beer he deviates neither to water ou the one hand nor wino on the k ?t A *.! I* ? * ' * " i - w? ^ \iivi it \v:m nut nc dui :i i'russiau, | whose (if)ilioii ntitf cxileii * I w'uco gn\Y his remark some weight, who I saidjf ) me, the other day: "As lor me, when I can get good water, pure fresh water, I let the beer stand one side, and drink wine." It makes all the difference in the world with one's tempereuce principles whether he iives ou the Rhine or on the Iser. There is a saying here that a Munich man is'a beer cask in the morning, and a cask of beer at night: the epigram nVe^s no explanation limtCj.fcm it might be uiisunr* ucrstoud elsewlAPrc., If ono were disposed3 philosophically to $Midy the tcmponloff^ problem, Munich would be a good liehl I'or it, for one can see hero exactly what is the cCVt ot unrestrained liberty, though, in | applying what one learned here to our own I country, you would hrfve to allow for the difference of climate and of the touipcranent of the people. It doesn't at all follow that what would do for Munich, would do ,;?'r Hnrtfor'1^. Probably you could not find in the whole city, a uiau or a woman who has oVjfcr thought of what we call total abstiinn(c, and they could not comprehend the i'ca. Tliit there are plenty of temper-c'V*. eoplo?that is, people who drink beer regularly and never overstep the bouuds of moderation. The observation that one makes in Miyiich is that drunkenness is a rare exception. In a residence here of many tnoi(ris I have never seen more than one or twoln!frjx'i7iii?1.J>eoplc in the streets, and thy were lwt marked by tnO"'ldnoss of vicious| 1 1/f our stniug-li<pior incbrn<i.>,,'.'MJ-,'(,i,>- | i ^Abe railier good hum--red carls, who na?? lot choir \v y and didn't seem to care whot i thcr jlicy ever found it. IJut this seems very t j r itiujkablo, wneii there is a beer house ovi < ry ladf-block. and you oauuot select a rosi| i enco in any part of the town that is not ' I as handy to a /.?// ? as it is to a public " ! school or a church. And 1 eauiiot see that ^1)1 1^ tends uiiv "t i h:iv*r knoV/n sthingofsTeT ! indulge freely in boor hero the whole season | and be,just as good temperance people at ; the end as they were in the beginning.? j Vhcficr the Hermans, especially the men. tin n> waste a good {Real of time in beer I hnllA,ai'ternum al'tot .li'ternoon. and night nf1-r night,1 swigging endless mugs, is an< yr questiun. And it is a lair question I t } ai.se. The question is, however, a more j specula ivc one, so long us the Hermans cottI tiime t- produce so many scholars, philcso| pljrs, men of incalculable erudition, woni denully energetic travelers and explorers, and conquering soldiers. I I i Kk.NTL'OKY Hlltl.'s KNCSKANC-r 1 1'o\'v Slandkuku.? SYc are in formed that a p!teii\! battle was fought iu the Sunday School at Holt's school house, on the Lovelaccvilie road, about fifteen and a hall j- uiilcs from Paducah, on Suuday last, hich fur a tituc created considerable comj nu^ion^fiud 1c.su1.cu ?ii a severe injury to a young man known as''Step John Rudolph," by a young lady named Miss Melissa ('oilier. i,Tt appears that Rudolph is a very long I Amgucd individual, and that he had slnuder, cH Miss Collier, who is considered a young /toe of excellent standing in that c<Th.muf ai(y Learning that he was at the Sunday Soli joI above mentioned and being cxas| Derated beyond measure, she armed herself with a hickory club and entered the house , crying. The superintendent was just about to begin to read a chapter in the Rible when t he wiis interrupted by the exclamation : ( 'AVhcre is the scoundrel?" The whole school looked up in utter amazement, and discovered the lady making toward the cor, cer where ltudolph was seated, w ith desperation in her eyes. Swinging her club as . !?ht) approached Rudolph, she was heard to s'.y, "(.ih, here he is !" and whack went the stpllalyi utv>11 ''if head ,giving him a gluucr in;^ Glow, but of sufficient force tt> knock 11 iI . over nil the. bi'lU'll lit init in n pnrimr In could not get out handily, and Miss 0. . sAivi'.'d the eluh with both hands and gave Iibh a terrible beating over the head, body aril mi, which he held l irjard lor proteeii<m. The superintendent endeavortJd to ho d tbo young lady, to prevent her from r kiting flndolph, but he could do uotliiug with her, and not until further assistance eatne could She be taken aw iy from tho object of her hatred. Rudolph's arm was vqjy badly hurt. lie employed (jovcrnor , KVog to assist Mr. Samuel lJryce, County . Attorney, in prosecuting the case, and the trial came oil bcfoio 'Squire Euiuiett lludolph, rcsultintr in a fine of one cent and , ' costs against the young lady. Stop J(?hn j ^Rudolph was fined ?5.?J*attumh, (Ay.) JVeicn. ???? : A young man in Western Winconsio, who ' wh ftbftft* to ho married thu other day, Mid' denly nmonibercd that lie had not led his horse, Kid the ceremony had to wait until tho honk was cared for. lie explained that a good ?rifo couldn't he found every day, 1 while tha-tccn different girls wanted to uiar* ry bint L_ i An tfXn^ iibnt.?''Skin an Independent ( itch a scalawag. An Inde pende u cancat kind of a Radical, i , hccanse^Phorct foe is worse than nu open enemy.^mf,'Aroiii<7e ami AViUinr/. \ jl ^ WklTj Done Alabama.?The dispatches inform us thut the recent Democratic Convention of Alabama?one of the largest ever held in the State, every county but three being represented?renominated Governor tieo. S. Houston, 'the old wheelhorse.' In doing this, they did very well. Governor Houston is in tnany respects u uiost remarkable man. Although nearly three score and ten, he is as fresh and vigorous as when, thirty live years ago, he first took his seat in Congress. He has a fine uiind, strong argumentative powers, a indomitable will and energy, and has won a hold upon the affections of the people which cannot bo shaken. Wc witnessed a portion of bis canvass two years ago, and it was, ] wherever he went, a countiuuous triumphal tnarell.f-trtVi' K:iw mnn wlin tint li.inn strong Xt*jj)MUlicaiM..gv(^jiiico tliQ_<iailulj the w:n couie :o hi'ii at the ciose ot hw speeches ami swear by all the gods that, convinced by his powerful appeals and arguments, they would ucvcr more act with that accursed party. From 18-11 till 1 SGI, Gov. Houston continuosly represented the Florence District in the House of Representatives, with the cxccptiou of one term, when he declined an election. In the winter of 1SC"> lie was elected to the United States Senate, but. "nke^Phc other members then chosen from the Confederate States, was not allowed to take his seat. In 1871 he wasclected Governor, ruuniug ahead of every other man on the Democratic ticket, and receiving 13.190 majority over a uian who had been elected two years previously by 8,197 votes. This is his past record. The State election in Alabama comes off, under the new Constitution, some time in August, we believe. With Governor Houston at the head of our ticket, and the true men who arc assooiatcd with him, with the terrible ifKt in the ranks of Alabama Radicalism, that State will give a glorious endorsement for the Southern Democracy, in this, our Centennial Presidential year.? When she spseaks, it will be with a voice of thuudcr. Gen. 1 ' jtcik'k.?The speech which we copy b^^ ^f Gen. Hancock, at the reunion of the "Army of the Potomac, is in striking contrast with the miserable and offensive remarks of Generals Sherman aud Shio idan on the same occasion. It is brief, buflo and goncror- in sentiment. It shows ttie VrCJvUriot rAd gentleman, while the others to wlhkjvJcavo qlluded are the productions of consuiXe^o vulgarism and braggarts: ? "Comrades of the Avniy oflf," Potomac: W e arc asscuib'i'd here to-day. ' Tl'ff liWfJ"?>'n T I hnu^ society, io-ren<7v wment friGliSSnips ' formed fii tho ftohl of battle, t enquire as to the welfare of absent comrades, to determine the ?r:?]>s made in our ranks by time and to inaugurate such measures as may be possible or necessary to aid worthy comrades i in distress, or the widows and orphans ol dece u jd comrades who may require our as sistancc. "We have no other purpose in meeting hero. Here polities enter not, either tt distract or disturb. Wc meet simply af brothers who are linked together in affee tion through memories of the past; by common dangers incurred, glories gained, pri rations sufTered and hardships endured; and | I urn thankful that 1 am permitted to he j present with you, and that the privilege ol i calling to order this meeting of my old comrades devolves upon uic. "JJut before proceeding with the exercises of this occasiou, it is proper that wc ' chould return llta to Almighty God foi 11 is goodness in permitting us to be here and in health to-day, and to ask that His blessing may test upon us all. "The llcv. Mr. McYiekar is requested I to lead us in the expression of those thanks ; and in invoking that blessing." \ - ? Hints vok Visitors.?It is when we I ate temporarily in the homes of others thai j tact and good breeding tell. It is diflietill tto aiu the art of easily and gracefully | adapting one's self t<? any circumstance, sc Las to be at hoiuc and agreeable, whether all j things go to one's satisfaction or not. 'J'c ! be thoroughly pleased with the arrangement:' | that others make for us, after having for a i time abandoned our own, is next to impoS' I siblc. Hence we put as the highest prool of being pleased that we are perfectly al home. Next to being so, is the honest effort to make others feel that you arc so. Il is the token of 'rue nobility to make even the lowest at case in your presence. And | the advent of such a well-bred person into ! the house of any family, is soon found tc 1 be a pleasure to the old and the young.? , While, 011 the other hand, the airs and tones, and fidgets and fretl'ulncss of a dis contented visitor, are enough to make a house wretched to all its inmates. To Get Uid of Stumps.?.Mr. W. M Turner, of Maine, communicates the following to the New York World: Id the Autuui bore a hole one or two incites in diameter, according to the girth of the stitiop. vertically in the centre of the latter, and about eighteen inches deep.? Put into it one or two ouuees of salt petre ; fill the hole with water and plug uj close. In tho ensuing spring take out the plug and pour in about one half a gill ol kerosene oil and ignite it. The stuuip will suiouI'Tm- away without blazing, to toe i ^rj extremity of the roots, leaving nothing bul ashes. . ii i When a merchant gruffly refuses to ad vcrtiso, you may set him down as one win will soon hand in his commercial cheek) and retire from business for the lack ol both customers ami money. The pucecssfu business men are always cheerful, polite and if not ready to advertise do not fail l( appreciate its advantages, especially ti at tract trade in dull times. A MATRIMONIAL BUREAU Applicants during offico hours will have the satisfaction of knowing that curious ones on the other side of the street can and doubtless will obtain an uninterrupted view of their approach and departure. In the ladies' department a collection of the photographs of the applicants will be kept, and vice versa in the gcntlcuicu's department.? No applicants of doubtful character will be received, and any<?ftnc ambitious of obtaining admission into the iields of married bliss must produee unequivocal testimony of untarnished honor and all the attributes which make a person eligible |o private society The institution bciug supported by philanthropists, of-.^tiuree' the monetary feature of the business is the least conspicuous, buf some attention is mid to it iu order that, the m.lv.fan aalU supporting. A schedule of charges has been scientifically arranged for the. benefit of the patrons. The average'fee to i^luiu the services of the agent for one mouth is 85. At the eml of that time, if a congenial companion is not found, the agency rcfuuds the money. If a manage is conisummated tlie "bureau" is enriched according to the liberality of the bridegroom. No marriage, no money. A healthy man, medium sized, average looks, middle age. is worth 85 to the 'bureau.' Take oft' half a score of years from his age, add a few inches to his statue, give him a graceful moustache and other items of external grace, and his fee of admission depreciates 50 per cent, for the chances of marrying him off, and the ultimate gains are increased by that amount. On the other hand, if he possesses much personal unlovelincss, 87,50 is exacted from him beforo his vanity is gratified by the exhibition of his picture, lied hair is assessed 81 extra; a class c} c, 83 ; a cork leg or arm, 85 ; a slight strabismus, 81 50 ; a bad squint, 82,50 ; baldness entails 75 cents extra, and false teeth, of ordinary manufacture, SI. If the artificial molars arc neat and not easily detected, they are allowed to pass without extra charge. Deafness costs 84 extra. Blue, gray, and green eyes arc not iueluded in the category of good looks." Brown, hazel, and black eyes arc worth 50 ccuts to the owner, for they save him that amount on the fee. Hair that curls without the suspicion of "kinky" is worth 81. Small cars are valued at 25 cents, and little feet and hands at'double that amount.?JSan Francisco I'ost. ? Plastering tub Wrong Man. -It was a Very embarrassing circumstance, ulJ il happened at the hotel .in Mt. V^ruou.? [A man aud his wife were stopping.?liere.? to. tu>yt>r<i4 vtHi?.'ana was taken sick Tnd^?_ . lie told his wife that lie must have itnlhB&f ate relief, or he Could not live, and thought a mustard draft would relieve hir>. She ? ! hastily robed herself, went duwn st'.irs aud . fuuud4fbo watcliman, who admitted her to f the dining room, and sire apreftd the mustard from the castor ou her hanlterehief and hastened up stairs. Fiuding the door ajar, , she rushed in, turned down "the bed clothes | and slapped the mustard draft on the uu. eouseious man's bowels. He instantly sprang up in bed, and in a strange voice said : "My God ! Madam, what are you doing ?" She had got it on the wrong man. Wc leave the reader to imagine her feelings. , She found her own room, and io accents of * horror told her husband the tacts. The extreme ludicrousticss of the incident set him iuto an inordinate lit of laughter that relieved hiui as thoroughly as the mustard , plaster wyuld have done. Very early the next morning, boiit'oT'niany of the guests I were up, a man and woman, trunk, bandboxes, etc., might have been seen leaving the hotel, for the woman's name was 011 the [ handkerchief. - ? - - ? 1 IIkwauk ok Drunkards.?Wc tender our tliauks to the Vermont judge who the other day, in pronouncing upon a divorce suit, laid down the opinion that when a wo' man marries a man of known intemperate habits, she takes her happiness, prosperity, and welfare in her own hands, and has no ' claim for riddance of him thereafter. We ' have great pity for the wife who is ioincd ' | to an intemperate husband, but we trcmblo 1 | fur the fate of the woman who marries an 1 I intemperate man. If these words reach ' the eye of any woman under engagement of ' marriage to such a man, we most solemnly ' appeal to her to pause before she imperils | her well-being by accepting any such risk. ' Oil! tiiosk Sum?ay Nights.?A wet I Sunday night affects the two classes of lov> ers in opposite way. To him who is eu1 gaged ii is a godsend, as it enables him to snug up i her iu the parlor and have tho I whole evening to himself; hut to the other lover, one who is not engaged, a rainy Sun1 day night is a most painful episode. His footing at the house isn't sure enough to warrant his going there through the storm, and all he ran do is to attend the church, and stand in the vestibule, and pull his shirt collar, in the despairing hope that she may 1 appear. She dou't ol course, and he goes i back to his dreary home wretched and uiis! crahle beyond description. Oh, those days of ecstatic idiocy! how their memory over comes us. > ''What would be your notion of absent r mindedness ?" asked ltufus Choato of a I witness whom he was cross examining.? r "Well," said the witness, with a strong t Yankee accent, "I should say that a man who thought he'd left his watch to hum, and took it out'n 'is pocket to see if he'd time to go hum and get it, was a lectio ab> sent minded." f The fish aro suffering. Did you ever I think of how foolish a fish must feel just , after swallowing a worm, to find himself *, > flirting through tho air and then wollopiug t around on the ground with a paiu in bis * jaw? * 0 ... . . !