The Pickens sentinel. (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, June 09, 1881, Image 1
.VA,-N N T
Fa~~OL X.b&jTO NO 39.0
J
Thisis the wheat
The Wheat well pftn, man's lawful spoa,
The new-pluck fruit of patient toil;
P1dge me the farmes' ainewy hand
His good.v acres, waiting stand;
Pledge me the hands his force can wield
To plow to w, to reap the field I
Bruise the bght heads and break them sore,
Seatter the chaff from door to door,
Show me the kernel sound and sweet
The nation's bread, the winnowed wheat!
This is the flail
The noisy flail, whose loud uproar
Wears the oaken threshing-floor'
A measured beat, a ringing rounA,
A hardened resonance of sound!
e long, lo seafrqldb evaxqd wane, i
rop down t he sheaves of garnered grain,
And empty, careless laughter-wild,
.The yellow straw is loosely plied.
Those level crashings tell the tale
Swing round the flail, the mighty flall I
These ate the men2 '
Fhe men who cleave, Vith tturdy roke, '
The fallen giant's heart of oak,
Now build for life and life's demands,
And fill with bread the waiting lands.
Clash rhyine with rhyme, the threshers' song
Deal blows on blows, strike loud and long;
The wrench of hunf V e-Jvps at length
TIe Iron of unyiel ng regth;
Wield the bent blade-agaln, again,
And serve the puny race of Men
- Elaine V(oodaie in the CrUic.
.THE PAINThBD FAN.
"Yot won't forgot me, little one ?"
said Earl Lysle, in his softest accents,
looking down with earnest eyes into the
sweet flower-face, so tustfully uplifted
to his own.
"No, I will never forget you," answered
the girl.
And the blue eyes grew moist, and the
red lips trembled. The promise broke
down the last remnant of her strength;
the next moment she had burst into
-phasionate, bitter weepipg.
It seemed as thohgh the branches in
the tree above them bent pityingly down
upon them; as though the sun lingered
a moment in its tenderest sympathy, ere
breathing his good night to the world;
though the robin checked his notes to
listen to the sobs which echoed through
the silence of the wood, and stirred Earl
Lysle's heart ts it lhado not b1e stirr6d
before for many a long year.
He had won the love of many women
-won it often for the mere pleasure of
winning; sometimes he had won and
worn it until it weaie-dhi), but alwpys
blieving that had the ,cond~ion been- re
versbd, the woinan'w6tdld h t*h done even
as he did. In this case he knew differ
ently. When he first met Lena Man
ming she had been a child. It had been
his hand which had guided her wavering
steps across the boundary line from
childhood to womanhood; he who had
wakened her child-heart from its slum
her, For what ? For i? It had been
in his life a summer-idyl, a passing folly;
in hers, the one spot from which all
things henceforth mustr4s4,te. Hie was a
man of the world; shet'child of nature
whose world henceforth was bounded by
the horizon of his presence.
"Hush, Lena-hush!" he entreated,
passing his arm about her waist, "'Do
you really care for me like this ?"
A passing pride stirred at his ques
tio4you care for me o ittl t
can not understand it ?"' she answeid
"Nay! I love you very dearly--so
dearly, Lena, that, might I carve out my
own desires, and forget my duties, I
would never go back to the great city,
and the life which has grown wearisome.
As it is, I must go; but, Lena, if I may,
dear---if I can so shape my destiny
some day I will leave it all behinid- me,
and come again, this time to pluck and
wear my sweet woodland rose next to my
* heart forever."
Pretty words were very inatu'ral to
Earl Lysle; yet even as he spoke these
words, he knew that ere another year
had run its course, he was dtesined to
lead to the altar his heires-casina
tall, haughty brunette-whose letter of
recall now lay in the breast-pocket of his
ooat.
"But-but if things should go amiss
--not as you fancy ?"
There was absolute terror in the girl's
tones-error so great tisit, to the man,
it seemed ,cruelty not to quiet it; and,
besides, his heart was stirring wit~iin
-him- to nobler, better purposes.:'
Perchance he might avow to his be
trothed the truth, that. instead of a mar
riage of convenience, he sought a mar
riage of love, and ask her to free him
from chains whichi already began to gall
ere they were fully forged.
*So he only drew closer to him the
girl's slender figure until the blonde
head lay on his shouider, as he stooped
and pressed his lips to its golden crown.
"Have no fear, my little one, I will
come back with the first snow."
"You promise, Earl?"
"I promisel"
Lena h -de* the summer
rather th fy tres, th
birds, th t1 rs, the k -all had
been tei- sweltob
greetd with
foliage, *1* - . ght of the
She smiled frod~lier window, as she
' Iood out one bright mornijlg APPIT tihe
-.ids that i. She laughed w)iei people
fisit it would be an early winter.
* All her painting-for she possessed
great talent with her bruiih--depicted
winter scenes--snow and ioe.,.
But 'ust at the Thanksiving~ season
-her fatter, a sturdy farmer, waes borne
senseless, one day, to his liome, and
died before he recovered consciousness.
* It was her first real grief..- She had
lost her mother when an infant. It
seemed to her that, she could not have
haed stitength to live through' it, but that,
as they lowered the coffin into thergrave,
a few flakes of snjow camae whirlin down
4r0m the gray sky, and the 'we comned
them as hesaven-sent rusen erasof hope.
When she came back the qniet
house, through whose rooms the dear
cheery voice would never more echo,
she almost expected to find some one u
waiting for her: but all was still and a
desolate.
They were dreary weeks that followed i
-the more dreary that she found a d
heavy mortgage lay on the farm, and f
that when all things were cleared up,
there would be left to her but a few hun
dred dollars. -
"He will not care," she murmured. y
"It will prove his love for me the more."
The week after the funeral, set in the
first heavy snow-storm, and the papers 1,
told how it had spread from one end of
the country to the other.
Lena was almost barricaded in her
lonely home, but she sat all day, with
folded hands, looking upon the soft,
feathery flakes - wa hing the drifts E
grow higher and higher-and knew that
it was all bringing summer to her heart.
The neighbors came to take her ii
their sleighs, when the sun peeped out
again and all the earth was wrapped in
its white mantle. They said that her
cheeks were pale and her hands fever
ish, and that she must have more of this
clear, bracing air.
But she shook her head and refused 1
to go. Could she leave the house, when
at any moment he might come? Besides,
she had sent to him a paper with the
announcement of her father's death, and
this must surely hasten him.
But day succeeded day, until week
followed week, and still he neither came
nor sent her word. The snow-clouds
had formed and fallen many times, and
each time her heart grew sick with long- n
mng.-n
She loved him so wholly, she trusted
him so completely.that she thought only a
sickness or death could have kept him a
from her.
The hours dragged very slowly. Her 1
little studio was neglected. She sat all
day, and every day, beside the window,
until one morning she wakened to know
that the first robin had returned, and
the first breath of spring was in the air.
He had failed to keep his promise to
her. d
That sane day they told her that the a
farm must be sold. Many neighbors i
offered her a home, but she declined
them all.
A sudden resolution came to her. She
would go to the city where he lived. i
Her pride forbade her seeking him, but a
maybe, if he were not dead, as she often f
feared, she might one day meet him in 1
the street, or at least hear some news of
him. ,
t
The hope of meeting him-of hearing 1
him-vanished, when she found herself
in the great metropolis, and realized its
size and immensity. r
She had secured a comfortable home
with a good, motherly woman, but her f
purse was growing scanty, and she could a
not tell how long it might hold out, un
less she could find some means of sup- a
port, when one day, sauntering idly on
the street, glancing into a shop-window,
she saw some fancy articles, painted by r
hand.
Giathering up her courage, she went in "
and asked if there was sale for that sort ~
of work, and if she might be allowed to
test her skill. s
From that hour all dread of want van
ished, and, now that hands were busy,
she found less time to brood and think.
"I want a fan painted," the man said
to her, one day. "You may make an r
original design, but it must be very n;
beautiful."s
Lena's heart had been very sad all day, r~
as, at evening, she unfolded the satin, e
and, eat down, brush in hand, to fulfill t4
this latest order. t
"It is a gift to an expectant bride,
the shopkeeper had said; and the wordsc
had, recalled all the long wvaiting, the
weary .disappointment, .those words
might bring.
And, as she thought, she sketched,a
and the hours crep~t on and the eveningn
grew into night, and the night into
morning, and still she bent over her
work, silent, engrossed.d
The next day, the gentleman who had
given the order for the fan saunterecd into
the store. With an air of pardonable
satisfaction, the man drewv it from theg
box. f
"The young artist has outdone herself, o
sir," he said. "I never saw a more ti
beautiful piece of work, and the design d
is entirely her own. I-" f
But he checked his sentence.k
The gentleman had taken the fan in a
his hands, and was examining it with j<
startled eyes, and face from which every ti
trace of color had fled. f
Could it be that the word Nemesis g
was painted upon the satin? No, this t<
was all he saw. On one side was a i
woodland scene, while, seated on a logu
beneath the leafy branches of an old
oak, were two figures, one a man, and r<
one a woman. His arm was about her a
waist. Her lips seemed to move, her d
whole expression was full of love and v
trust, and his of promise. A little laugh- a
inig stream ripppled at their feet. A r
bird sang overhead.
Where had he seen just such a scene p
before? He turned the fan on the other fi
aidAp Bummer~ had vanished. It was h
winter here. Naught but the fast-falling si
snow drifting in white heaps upon the b)
earth. f
*"Who painted this?" he asked, in b
hoarse, changed tones. v
The man gave thQ~ xame and address.
Hlow well he had known it! but how g
Oame Lena here? And what was this b
which stirred through every fibre of his 0
being? Could it be that his manhood c
gtytredeem him?
WJith swift steps he walked to the ti
house of his betrothed. Stately and
beautiful, she came into the drawing- C
room to greet him and bent her head di
that he might touch her forehead with at
his lips.
"Helen, do you lQve me?"
She had known him for long years. but
ever had she heard such earnestness,
uch real passion, in his tones.
It was as though his very soul hung on
er answer. Strange, she had never
reampt his love for her was more than
riendship, such as she had felt for him.
A tinge of color crept into her cheek.
"I have promised to marry you, Earl.
ou know that I am fond of you, and
highly respect you. Will not this sat
fy you?"
"No. I want all the truth. Is your
Aart mine--all mine, so that, to tear me
rom it, would be to tear it asunder?"
"No, Earl. If it were for your happi
ess or mine, I could give up my lover
nd still hold my friend and cousin."
He seized her hand and carried it to his
ps more fervently than he had done
ven in the moment of his courtship.
'hen, taking the fan from his pocket, he
nfolded it, and told her all the tale of
is summer romance.
"I thought I could forget her," he
Pid, in ending, "and that when the
now fell and I did not return to he, she
rould cease to remember me; but see,
Felen! She still remembers, and I still
>ve. I do not know what brings her
ere. I have heard nothing from her
ince last summer. But. tell me. cousin
iine, what must I do? I leave it all to
o1.,,
"I said that I would be your friend.
row, I will be hers as well. Go to her,
,arl. Tell her all the truth. Then, if
lic forgives you, make her your wife. If
[ie is alone in the world, as perhaps she
ay be, bring her to me. She shall be
iarried from my house, as my sister. I
ccept this fan, not as a lover's gift, but
pledge to the truer, more honest bond
hich henceforth binds us."
Lena was exhausted after her sleep
,ss night, and, throwing herself on the
>unge in the sitting-room of her kind
ostess, she had fallen into a dreamless
umber.
Long Earl Lysle stood and watched
er, until the magnetism of his glance
roused her. She thought that she was
reaming of the fai; but as he stooped
nd took her in his arms, she knew that
was reality.
She listened silently while he told her
l-even his struggle for forgetfulnen
ud his ignorance of his own heart and
z demands. She heard that she han
ent the paper with the news of he
ither's'death to the wrong address, that
to had known nothing of the long.
-mely winter to which had succeeded
his wonderful, glorious summer-tim a
01)0.
Poor child! She had no room for
iride in the heart so filled by his image.
[ohe forgot that there was sore need for
>rgivexess.
He loved her now! Of that she was
ssured; and after all, the snow had only
Lin upon the ground to warm the earth,
uid foster the rich, sweet violets, which
ow bloomed and clustered at her feet.
3ady for her to stoop an'd pluck them.
Perhaps some women, in their pride,
onld have rejected them. She could
ot; but, stooping, kissed them, then
ansp1lanted them to her heart, there to
ied sweet fragrance forevermore..
A Leadville Minister.
The following remarkable report of
rotestant Episcopal life in Leadville was
ado by the Rev. T. J. Mackay, a mis
onary mn charge of that church, on a
scent Sabbath in one of the large
nirches of that denomination (Dr. New
>n's), in Philadelphia. After stating
iat when he went to Leadville, he found,
istead of a hamlet, a thriving town, with
mnrches of every denomination, five
anks, five daily newspapers, etc., he
uid:
"My first vestryman could drink more
hisky than any man in the town. Shortly
rter I made my appearance in the town
iy parishioners invited me to a church
ciable, and upon going I was astonished
see the worthy people waltzing and
ancing in the most scandalous manner.
o add to this there are two streets whose
atire length were made up of low dance
ouses. How was I to overcome such a
igantic evil? I secured a hail, had the
oor waxed, and after engaging a band
! music, I sent out invitations to all
10 young men of the place to come
own and have a dance. I instructed my
oor manager-who, by the way, made
>ts of money and skipped--not to allow
ny waltzing. The result was, after en
>ying square dances until 11 o'clock
1o participants quietly dispersed. Some
ny said: "Wait until the preacher
oes, then we'll have a waltz," but I was
>O smart for them-I carried the key of
Ie hall in my pocket, and did not leave
ntil all had departed. Every other
ecek .I gave such a sociable, and the
asults are remarkably good. This char
stor of mission would not do in Phila
elphia or Boston, but it will do in Lead
lie. It may seem ungodly to practice
ich a course, but it is the only way to
sach these people. When I first went
ut there the congregation used to ap
land me when I was preaching, but I
nally got them out of such an unholy
abit. No matter who dies, the proces
on is headed by a brass band. When I
urled Texas Jack, the partner of Buf
dlo Bill, the cortege .was headed by a
rass band of forty-two pieces. Lead
[ie is also a great place for titles.
verybody has a title. Captain is pretty
Dod but to command attention one must
s a Colonel or a General. I am a sort
a General. I belong to five military
)mpanmes, and in my 6apacity as a
ilitiaman I watch over my congrega
on. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
OFd the fifty-eight men who framed the
onstitution and declared the indepen
mco of Texas, March 2, 1888, one is
ill living, Dr. Charles B. Stewart, of
[ontgnmary C!nnnty.
NEWS GLEANINGS.
There are 271,461 negroes in Kentucky.
Tuscaloosa, Alabama, is to have a <
street railroad.
North Carolina has 26,900 colored
voters.
The locusts have appeared in middle
Tennessee.
Corn prospects throughout Florida I
are very fine.
Louisville, Kentucky, has a public E
library of 50,000 volumes.
A 250 pound turtle was caught on
Perjsacola beach last week. 1
Last year Bullock county, Alabama, (
bought 70 tons of guano; this year she t
buys 416 tons.
W. H. Pillow has shipped from Pen
sacola, Florida, this season, thirty-nine
thousand quarts of strawberries.
The Goldsboro (N. C.) Advance says t
bushels, barrels and hogsheads of straw.
berries at five cents a quart, and acres
in the fields red with them for picking.
Mr. Alger, of New York, has taken
charge, and will begin and push through
water works for Charlotte, North Caro
lina.
Mr. L. O'Neil, of Nassau county, Fla.,
cleared $600 on a small patch of celery
during the'past winter.
During last week, 50,000, pounds of
strawberries were shipped froniQhattan
ooga to Cincinnati. They brought
$5,000.
J. W. Willis. of Crystal Riyer, Flor- i
ida, has a field of corn that :averages
betwen eleven and twelve feet high and
not yet tasseled.
The center of population of the United
States is placed in Kenton county, Ken
tucky, a mile from the south bank of the
Ohio river.
Two men recently found a cypress
tree in Clay county, Florida, that meas
ured four feet from the ground 25 feet
in circumference.
At Goodlettsville, Tennessee, a few
days since, 653 lambs were 801d at five
cents prr pound, and were shipped to
New York by a Bowling Green man.
It will take forty thousand bushels of
corn to run the Dale county, Alabama,
farmers this year. So they will have
some $60,000 to pay for that article next
fall.
The Tecumseh furnace, at Rome, Ga.,
is said to be making an average of twenty
tons a dlay, and not to have been cool in
six years.
Rev. Dr. S. G. Hillyer has resigned
the pastorate of the Baptist church at
Forsyth, Ga., andl received a call from
the church at Washington, Ga. This
leaves vacant also tlie Presidency of
Monroe Female College.
Nashville, Tennesse, is well provided
with schools. Among the most import c
ant institutions of learning are the
Nashville University, Vanderbilt,
Ward's Seminary, with its 250 youngr
ladies, Price's Seminary, and Fisk's I
University, the latter being a colored
institution, well endowed, and provided
with miagnificent buildings.(
The Decoration of a Room.
Crude white is in favor with house, a
wives for ceiings-"it looks so clean.' i
That is just its fault. It looks so clean s
even when it is not, that it makes all t
else look dirty, even though it may be i
clean. To paint the flat ceiling of s p
moderate-sized room by hand is simply I
a waste of labor. It is only at great per- (
sonal inconvenience that one can look
long at it, while, as a matter of fact, no
one cares to do so. You see it occasion
ally, by accident, and for a moment
and, that that casual glimpse shouli i
not be ashook to theeye, asitisas well i
to tint it in accordance with the room,*
or even cover it with a diapered paper,
which will to somne estent withdraw the
attention from tue cracks that frequent
ly disfigure the ceilings of modern i
houses. What hand-painting we can
afford may best be reserved for the p an- ]
nels or doors, window shutters, and the r
like, where it can be seen-these doors t
and the other woodwork being painted t
in two or three shades of colors, flat or t
varnished, according as we prefer soft
ness of tone or durability of surface. t
Perhap it will be best in this instance t
that te woodwork should fall in with j
the tone of the dado; but this is not a t
point on which any rule can be laid a
down. The decoration of the panels
should be in keeping with the wall
paper patterns. It may be much more
pronounced than they, but still it must I
not assert itself. One great point of
consideration in the decoration of a room u
is the relation of the various patterns d
one to another. It may often be well to e
sacrifice an otherwise admirnble design t
simply because you can find nothing k
else to go with It. A single pattern,
once chosen, will often contral the whole
scheme of decoration. -Magazine' of 4
"Going to School."
Class in geography, stand up. Now,
vho can tell me who was King of the
Jannibal Islands 400 years ago? What,
tan no one answer this gravely important
tuery? Is it possible that you have
mnowingly kept yourselves in the dark
in a point which may one day decide the
ate of the nation? Very well ; the
vhole class will stay for an hour after
chool as a punishment.
The "B" class in geography will
)lease arise and come forw ard for trial
m1d sentence. Now then, in what diree
ion from San Francisco are the Man
,rove Islands? What! can no one an
wer? And you boys expect to grow up
nd become business men, and you girls
o become wives, and yet don't know
vhether the Mangrove Islands are north,
iast or southwest of San Francisco! I
hall send the boys up to the principal
o be thrashed, and the girls will have
ko recess.
'I'he class in history will now take the
>rwoners' )ox, and tell the jury whether
unflower seeds are among the exports
>f Afghanistan. No answer? None of
rou posted on this moinentuous ques
ion? Two thirds of you on the point of
eaving school to mingle inl the bulsy
cones of life, and yet you do not know
vhether Afghanistan exports sniflower
eeds or grindstones! For five years I
ave labored here as a teacher, an1d nolw
find that my work has bwen thrown
-way. Go to your seats and I will think
ip some mode of punishment befitting
'our crime.
The advanced class in mathematics
vill now step forward. One of you
)lease step to the blackboard and illus
rate the aigul ar rectangle northeast
!orner of a quadrangle. What! No one
ii all this class able to make that simple
llustration? James and John and Joseph
Lnd Henry, you expect to become mer
ulhants, and Mlary and Kate and Nancy
6nd Sarab, you are all old enough to be
aarried, anI yet you confess your igno.
ance of angular rectangbuhr quad rangn
ers before the whole school ! John,
uppose you becoy a wholesale grocer.
)o you ex pect to buy te and sugar and
offce an- spices, and sell the same
6gain without reference to quadrangles?
dIary, suppose you go to the store to
my four yards of factory at ten cents a
rard. How are you going to be certain
,hat you have not been cheated if you
,annot figure the right angle of a trian
gle? Ah, me! I might as well resign my
position and go home and die, for the
next generation will be so ignorant that
all educated persons will feel themselves
strangers and outcasts.-Detroit 1rce
Prc8.
A Relle of Washington.
An old walnut cabinet of antique de
sigii has been discovered in the store of
rink Ware, a second-hand furniture
healer in Staunton, Va., to which uin
isual interest attaches. In moving the
lesk Ware turned it up and his eye fell
)0pon a singular looking inscription, to
leeipher whioh lie called in the aid of
everal gentlemen, to make it out as fol
ows: "To George Washington by D.
Wehifter in ye year 1777," and in another
'lace: "Ye de(sk was presented to George
WVashiington in ye year of ye Lord 1777
by D. Wehfter." The inscrib~ton is
inite distinct, except the "D)" p~receding
Webster. The cabinet was bought re
~ently at a sale of the effects of the
vidow of the late Samuel Clark, a former
f1ayor of Staunton, and is about three
eet long and one deep and stands upon
our slender crooked legs. A drawer
uns the whole length of the cabinet at
ho top and there are smaller shallow
nes beneath this, with an old fashioned
>rass handle. It has been found that
samuel Clark married a daughter of
samps)onl Matthews, who was the first
aian who ever kept a tavern in Stannton.
lisi tavern, which hias long since disap
'eared, was a rendezvous for Continental
oldiers. Gieneriil Matthews, a brother
f the tavern-keeper, wvas a friend of
leneral Washington and was Governor
f Georgia after the war. The old desk
v'idently passed from General Washing
on into the hands of Governor Matthews
ndso into his brother's family. Its
lontity is much strengthened by the
trong resemblance between the inscrip
ion uplonl it and the handwriting of
Vashington as seen* upon0 an old auto-.
rap~h letter of his which has been
runted up and compared with it. --Phil
<delph~ia Times.R.
True to the last.
Daisy Shoemaker, the prettdaughter
fa farmer living near Richmoznd, Va.,
Lad agreed to elope with Westlana Pierce,
>ut when the critical moment arrived
he feared to transgress her parents'
rishes, and would not go to the rendez
'ous. Her sister Jane, two years her
enior, begged her to keep her trust with
ier lover, but all in vain. "Welfl, if you
Lon't keep your word with West Pierce,
'll do it for you," she said, and indig
iantly leaving her sister, she got into
he buggy and dashed off despite
he screams of her sister. Mis Jane
eached the waiting placo; explanations
rere made; she said she war willing to
ake her sister's p lace. The lover,
anched by her pluck and captivated by
Ler determination not to let the plan fall
lirough, did actually marry her-so the
tory goes.
A Disgraced Daughter.
A doting mother in Chicago displayed
uer solicitude for her daughter's good
Lame by frantically rushing into the
tation and shouting, "My daughter is
Lisgraced I" True enough, she had
loped with an insurance agent; but had
he mother been discreet she wouldn't
ave given it away.
Tun New York Central runs one hun
red and sixty trains a day-one every
ina minntest
HUMORS OF THE DAY.
TROUBLE that has been bruin for some
time is hard to bear.
To step on a man's corn is a bad sign.
Look out for trouble.-Brooklyn Union
Argus.
VERY precocious and forward children
are not the salt of the earth. They are
too fresh.
TiE man who picked up a "well-filled
pocket-book" was disgusted to find it
full of tracts on honesty.
A WOMAN'S work is never done, be
eause when she has nothing else to do
she has her hair to fix,
THE Syracuse herald don't under
stand how, necessarily, a man may be a
hatter who makes his influence felt.
SPEEcH is silver and silence golden.
That is where it costs more to make a
man hold his tongue than it does to let
him talk.
0m subscriber: "What are Ton
growling about? If you want an article
that will cover the whole ground, get a
Chicago girl's shoe."--Boston Post.
SAYS Honry Ward Beecher: "None
of us can take the riches and joys of this
life, beyond the grave." Don't wan't to,
sir. We'll take ours this side of the
grave, if we can get 'em; the sooner the
better, sir.
AN exchange asks "If kissing is really
a sanctimonious method of greeting why
do not the pastors who practice it ever
bestow their labial attentions upon men?"
Because the men are always away, at
their business, when the pastor calls,
and there is nobody left to kiss only the.
women.-Pck's Sin1.
ANoRY wife (time, 2 a. m.)-"Is that
you, Charles?" Jolly husband-'"Zash
me." Angry wife-- 'Here have i been
standing at the head of the stairs these
two hours. Oh, Charles, how can you?"
Jolly husband (bracing up)--"Standin'
on your head on t'shtairs? Jenny, I'm
sliprised! How can II By joveI can't!
T wo hours, too! 'Stronary womani"
A NEwsPAPEn article asks: "What are
the causes of decline among American
women?" Well, generally because she
thinks the fellow cannot keep her in
sealskin sacks, French gowns and fash
ionable bonnets. When a single man
with plenty of "soap" is around there is
not any decline among American women
to speak of.-Boston Commercial Bulle
tin.
" I've noticed," said Fuddidad, "that
the railroads run past all the fences that
are painted over with medical advertise
ments. It's funny," he added, " but it's
so. Did any of you ever notice it?" All
present acknowledged that it had never
occurred to them before-just that way.
Fuddidud is more than ever convinced
of his profundity.-Boston Transcript.
IN one of the hotels at Nice is a beau
ful American, who lately went to an " at
home " in full dress-low-necked, satin,
diamonds, etc. On arriving and looking
around the room she perceived the other
guests to be in demni-toilot. " Well"
she said, " if I'd known that it was only
a sit around I'd not have put my clothes
on. "-London Truth.
AmmeJ1IA~s are of a practical nature.
When an Illinois farmer who had got
rich was visiting Switzerland, they dilated
to him of the beauty of the surrounding
scenery. "Yes," he replied, "as scenery
it's very good. But it strikes me the
Lord has wasted a lot of space on scenery
that might have been made level and
good farming land." They wanted to
lch him.-Boston .Post.
THEi Ohicago street car conductor may
not be very civil but he is a man of im
agination. The Inter-Ocean tells a story
of a member of the guil'd who, when a
woman wearing a dolmnan waved her
arms to stop him, and then, fearing to
be run over by a passing wagon, did not
move from the sidewalk but continued
her gestures, shouted, " Come, madam,
quit flapping them wings and get
bor.-Boston.Transcrizvt.
Not So Green After All..
A chap from the rural districts stepped
mnto a music store in the city of Provi
dence, and, after taking a fifteen min
utes' survey of the contents, he stepped
up to the counter and asked the clerk it
lhe had any new music-" bran new, just
ont ?"'
The clerk rmeasured him with hisey
for aL moment, and, thinking he was .ig
noranut as to muiisic, and that anything
wonkl 1he fresh to his customer that h1ad
been issued sinlce the (lays of "'Rosin
the Bow," (lecidled to palm off some old
pieces which haid bec(omel a dirug on the
couinter'. So bie took up "' The Last
Rose of Summer," andI~ smd(:
"Yes, borre is a piece that gocs with a
>erfect rush, and here is ' The Old Arm
Clhair,' anothier favorite. Thllere is
' When this Cruel War is Over,' which is
all the rage all over the cityr."
" That will dew," replhed Jonathan.
" How much do you nsk for the lot ?"
" One dlollar," returned the clerk.
" WaaI, you may dew 'em up in a
piece of pperlO and lay 'em on the
shell."
The clerk obeyed, but Jonathan did
not pay for the music.
"I'm going down town a piece," lhe
said, and if I come back I will pay for
that music and take it ; but if I don't
come back you may light your pipe with
' The Last Rose of Summer,' sit down in
' The Old Arm Chair' and wait till ' This
Cruel War is Over.' "
Jonathan slid out of the door, and the
clerk looked as though he had been
A Real Convenience.
All fashionable ladies should carry a.
hand-painted satin bag. In it can be
carried a flank, gnmdaop or a han ..r