The Pickens sentinel. (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, April 21, 1881, Image 1
DEVOTED TO POLITICS, MORALITY, EDUCATION AND TO THE GENERAL INTEREST OF THE U0UNTRY.
By. D. F. BRADLEY & 00. PICKENS, S. C., THURSDAY, APRIL 21, 1881. VOL. X. NO 32
NEWS GLEANINGS.
The factory at Selma, Ala., uses an.
- nUaldy about 1,"00 btale of cttTn.
It is reported that persons from a dis
tance are rapidly buying the coal lands
of Tuscaloosa county, Ala.
The Vicksburg Herald says that Yala
busha county, Miss., has imposed a tax
of $1 on each log, except one to a fain
ily, in the csunty.
The Tampa (Fla.) Tribune says that
sheep-shearing in South Florida is be
gun, and that the wool clip this year will
be larger than ever before.
The pistol law has been signed by Gov.
Churchill, of Kansas. It imposes fine
and imprisonment for thirty days, and
0 allows the court no discretion.
The Brady land, in Rockbridge county,
Va., 7,000 acres of mountain land, as
sessed at ten cents per acre, has been
sold to a Pennsylvania firm for $23,000.
Petitions to the Legislature of South
Carolina are circulating in Marlboro
asking the total prohibition of the man
ufacture anct sale of ardent spirits in the
State.
Citizens living on Seneca river, in
Anderson county, S. C., say that it is
very seldom now they ever catch a shad
in that stream, 'roni the fact that a dan
across the Savannah river, at Augusta,
prevents them from coming higher up
the stream than thatt city.
The Memphis Board of Health has
offered to the National Board of Health
the quarantine grounds and buildings on
President's Island for use as an inspeo
tion station, and has rcquested the Na
tional Board to place an Inspector or In
spectors on duty at New Orleans and
such other Southern ports as may be
deemed necessary.
Since the inauguration of the Board
of Harbor Commissioners at Norfolk,
Va., the total amount of excavation is
1,317,898 cubic yards. The board has
grf.ated permits to the seaboard and
Roonoke railroad to reclaim a large por
tion of the Portsmouth flats adjacent to
its North-street depot wharf, and to con
struct thereon extensive docks and piers.
The Charleston News and Courier re
ports that in Greenville county, S. C.,
there were recorded last year 2,340 liens,
averaging about 245 each, making an
aggregate of $105,300 in property pledged
by the farmers for supplies. This season
- thus far there have been 972 liens giv'en,
for amounts ranging from $5 to $250,
averaging about $45, making a total of
$43,740.
The Memnphis Avalanche recallis the
fact that Randolph, an ancient and de
cayed pest village of iplton county,
Tenn., wals once tile commercial metrop.
olis of West Tennessee. Fifty years ago
it was a place of far more importance
thlan Memphis. it never fuLlly recov
eredl from tihe dlisastrous blow struck b~y
the panic of 1837. It was burned finally
in 1863 by the Federals, the Confederate
Col. Faulkner having fired into a pass,
I rg steamer.
New Orleans D~emocrat: It is said
that wheat in Northern Texas is begin
ning to break down in just tile same
manner as it did last year ; whlat the
cause of this was no two persons seemed
to agree upon at the time, bu~t later it
was pretty generally conceded to be the
work of a Worm. The wvorm has not yet
been seen onl the ground, but it may be
that it is working on the root of the
grain, and will make its appearance oni
the surface later.
Anderson (S. C.) Intelligencer, March
31: The work of immigration to South
Carolina is being successfully pushed
forward by the Agricultural Department
of this State. Col. A. P. Butler, thle
Commissioner of Agriculture, who is
temporarily in charge of the matter, has
introdluced and settled in dhifferent partk
of South Carolina over 100 German
families since the 1st of January, and
is continuing the work in a most suc
cessful and promising manner.
Atlanta Constitution: In the Stone
wall Cemetery at Winchester a large
number of soliers from Georgia lie un
buried-probably fuliily 500. Vi rgi niri
andl Maryland, b~y erecting hrandsom(
monuments, have acknowledged t heii
indebtedness to their own heroes, andl i
Sis now proposed that the people of Geor
gina shall attest their gratitude am
regard for her dead soldiersi by crectinl
onl the lot where so many of them sleej
a fitting monument to their memory.
Wilmingtcn (N. C.) Star: We regar<
this matter of the airy. .nd of see
husbandry as of the greatest importance
to our people. Both can be made to add
to the wealth of North Carolina many
millions of dollars annually. The other
day we copied a paragraph from the
Elizabeth City Carolinian, which showed
that canned vegetables were sold in the
stores of North Carolina that were raied
on the bleak lands of Maine, where it is
winter six months in the year. Such a
fact is a blistering shame.
The largest, single contribution to
public purpose ever made in Charleston
or in South Carolina was the act of one
of the most successful planters in the
State, Mr. Ephraim M. Baynard, who,
in 1865, seeing the need of educational
opportunities at home, set aside the con
siderable sum from his fortune of $168,
200 in securities of the city of Charles
ton as a permanent endowment fund. It
is preserved unimpaired, and is now held
in four per cent. city bonds, giving sta.
bility to the college of Charleston.
New Orleans Picayune: Census Bul
letin No. 77, just issued, shows that the
colored population of Kansas imbers
43,096. In 1870 there were 17,108. If
we allow an increase of twenty-five per
cent. during the decade, there ought to
have been 21,400. We have thus, say
21,700, to represent the exodus move,
ment from the Southern States. It is
probable that about double this number
went to Kansas, but finding the condi,
tions of life somewhat different from
what was represented, fully half became
dissatiffied and came back to their old
homes.
Speaking of street improvements, the
Atlanta Constitution says: "The work
that has already been dne has added
heavily to the value of the property in
the neighborhood. Near old Peachtree
Mr. Gaines is assessed over $3,000 on an
investment of $900 made less than a
year ago, and Mr. Hoke Smith over
$7,000 on an investment of $1,900 made
about a year and a half ago. These are
but lucky samples of the advance that
will be recorded all along the line. The
friends of old Peachtree insist that it
will soon equal new Peachtree as a resi
dence street. The Whitehall improve
ment will bring just as decided results,
and will start a boom in West Ena
property as soon as it is opened arid
made the thoroughfare between that de
lightful suburb and the city. Out near
Richardson street, a little work done by
the street force in cleating a new way
has resulted in the building of twelve
new houses within a radius of less than
200 yardls, andl others are gning up, three
only of the twelve houses be\ng finished.
Six of them are built by Mr. Wadley as
tenement houses ; the others are homes.
On one new street the inicream in taxa
b~le p)roperty in one year was oter $100,
000." _________
Natural Sounds.
Among the natural sounds of obscure
origin with which mythology and sci
ence have been occupied are the rus#1ngs
and so-called voices which seem to come
from the air, sometimes from the bosom
of the earth, and which have been re
marked upon in all ages. Autenrieth
refers them to the same class as ihe
noises like thunder or the firing of can
non, which the hearers often fail to
trace to an apparent cause. Sometines
they seem like the trampling of horses,
or the roll of drums, or the clangor of
trumpets ; at other times, like humain
voices. In the last ease the sounds are
those which are common to all men, and
may be interpreted by each hearer as ini
his own language. To the Romana
they spoke Latin, to the Greeks Greek,
to the Scotch Highlanders Gaelic.
History has notices of these sounds ; the
Bible descriptions attribute to them a
religious significance. .They are re
ferred to when it is related that Samuel
heard the voice of Jehovah three times
in the temple ; when Habmukkuk, pro
nouncing the curse on Babylon, spoke
of the stones crying out in the walls;
when the g~nd mointains and waves
are mentioned in the Psalms ; in the ac..
count in John of thet voice that cried out
from heaven when Jesus5 went into Jeru
salem, and -the peoplb wondered whether
it was thunder or an angel ; in the story
of the conversion <f St. Paul. and in
the account of the touring out of the
Holy Spirit on the day of Pentecost. The
p~rofane history of attiquity also tells of
voices from above, andl ascribes to them
a suprnatlural significance and an influ
ence over the hearts of men. Instances
in p~oint are sotmn(s of b~attle andl the
clash of armas and the neighin g of hiorscs,
heard by nights according to Pausanias,
on the field of Marathon ; the address
of the god Pan to the A thenian Amhas
sadlors to Sparta, told of by Hlerodotus,
,and the voices heard b~y both armies
after the battlesof the Romnans with the
sons of Tarqu . The Germans have
myths of the di made by the war god
anid his march~ g hosts, of the wild
huntsman, of atrange cries and of the
b 1arkin g of dogspieard in the air ; and
the French havestories not unlike them.
I-Exchanace.
IT does not ing)rove a potato to have
3 specksa on its eyes
ELOCUTIONARY ASPIRANTS.
Queer Persons Who Think They Possem
Dramatie Talent.
[Frota the Now York Sun.]
"There are some queer persons who
try to learn elocution," a well-spoken
professor said.
"It is really surprising to see with
what persistence those who are positively
disqualified will strivo to acquire the de
clamatory art. Public school education
is responsible for a good deal of this.
Take a class of college boys; they are al
most men. Their tastes and capacities
are thoroughly marked. it is obvious
that some of them have no aptitude for
elocution. Their voices are inadequate;
their action is irretrievably bad. Yet the
curriculum requires that they should do
claim regularly. No amount of natural
(lisqlialification relieves them from this
duty. The result is that they only fur
nisih sport for their companions, and go
through the college course with only a
perfumnctory pei formance of this part of
their duitieq. Of course, this in direct
coniflict with the iost advanced thought
oil the subject of education. Both coi
mUonl seise fnd science dictate tlat it is
a waste of time to try to teach soie
persoin som11 tlinlgs. Vast sums of
money 111d log periods of time might
be saved by refraininag from attempts to
perllforl the iiipossible i n1 teaching.
"But there are som funny instances
of persons of more mAture years trying
to learn eloueition. Persons who hiave
had little or no education in school, who
can neither read nor prononICe, towhom
a proper name is an insurniountable ob
stacle and a word beyond the comnnon
place a rubicon, think they can be fitted
to shie inl elocition. Those persons
always trip i) oni pronunciation. The1y'
make the most ludicrous blunders with
(<it the faintest conception why they are
laughed at. You may say that we ought
not to try to teach such persons. You
might as well say that a dry goods mner
chant should not sell unbecoming goods.
Here is a young fellow who is doing
lo derately Well in business. He goes
into colipaiiy and finds that eloention is
all the rage. lie sees others brought into
lpronuinleace by readings and recita
tions. H1e thinks that he can make
his mark, and lie comes to me or some
other professor to get instruction. I had
a young grocer who took a notion to read
Shakespearean pieces. He tripped over
every unusual word, he stumbled over
every proper name, and lie absolutely fell
down on the point of memory. It was
only by dint of hard hammering that I
could get him drilled into one twnty
minute reading. Finally I got tired of
taking his money, and had to scud him
away.
"Then I had a fat, fussy little fellow,
who took a notion to play 11amlet with
a dramatio association. I told him
frankly that his physiquo was not fit for
the character. Imagine the melancholy
Dane with a paunch! I had a big butcler
once who wanted to play "Clando
Melnotte." lie was better fitted to lug
a side of beef than to toy with "Pauline."
It seemed wrong to take his money, but
I was afraid to tell him the truth. I be
lieve the audience cured him at his first
and last attempt. But the climax of ah
Burdity was a little bantam fellow, who
took a fancy for heavy parts. He want
ed to play (Coriolanus or Richard
II!., or other parts that required
voice and action. I never sawv him try
ing one of those characters without
thinking of the fable of the toad and
the ox. His tragedy was always very
funny. When I first began teaching 'I
used to try to get these fellows to listen
to the truth. I got no thanks for my
honesty, and only lost my customers.
Now, wvhen any 01n0 conmes to me to bo0
taught I do the best I can to teach him.
I never get tired taking their money as
long as theoy don't get tiried ~ayinig.
The Great Hell of St. Pautils.
St. Pauli's has always possessed, and
Rtill own~'1s, a great hell. From time imu
memoI~( rial thle citizens claimed the~ east
'irn par oii f the chureb dyaird ats the1 ilaLce
t he great steeple thier(e sitiiuat ( which, wec
mayS remarkdi'l, wats anl is'olaited struceturie).
wasLc their colaunaon 'heil, whlich heingi
there rung, all the inhiabitants might
Ithen heair and1( come toge0therV."' Thus
Stow lUngdale suppos4)es this buailing to
have sf000 w~hecre is ntow St. P'aul's
School. So far back as the I 5th of Ed
ward .I. (1286) mienition1 is muale, in a (/pro
wr Tran/o, of thle cu1stoml of ringing a-h1ell
in this tower as one existing long ore
that date. Illenry V Ill. lost tower&,
spicrc, and1( hell ait a gamle of hazard to
Sir MXiles Partidge, w'ho quicly over
threw his w'innin1gs and~ mielted the hell.
Fornotfar short of' two centuirie's St. P'aul's
had no great hell.' That11 whiebh it now
possesses was the gift of William 1 f [. I t
was originally cast in the reign of Ed
ward 1., and1( wats hung at the gate ot
Westminster Hall, to njotify the honr to
the ,Judnges. It was afterwards called
"Edlward of Westmn ster," and sub so -
quontly '"Westminster Tom." William
gave it to) the Cathedral of St. PaulI,
whither it wvas brought on New-Yea r's
D~ay, 1699. Since then it has beeni
twice recast, each time with an addition
of metal. It weighs more than t wo ewt.
over five tons. It is tent feet in dianiieter
and ten inches in thickness ofi metal. The
tonoe is very fine in tlie muhlsica) no' te A,
concert pitch. T1hie hour iS struck hy a
large hanmmier, and falls on the outsid e
rim of the bell by its owvn wveighut. The
hell is only todll --that is to say, the
clapper is only used-on the dleath oaf one
of the royal family, or of the Archbishuop
of Cante5rbury, the Bishop of London,
the Dean of St. Paul's or the Lord
Mayor.-London City P~renn.
1'ROF. i)AVID dwViNG says that I he
charm of fishing lies partly in thme tact
that it is a pursuit after tihe unknown,
the unseen and the ardently exmectoi
Aecedote of Uairy Telvorto.n
The rules and regnh1ttions for the ,-.
nail ing 111A. ca1rrvinig (out (o aaiird of
.414r- thIe" (11l!- d1uihg theO l:Itter part
f tle ho..Ft cetiur, :uthe begiiing of
r.1iin iiCfraction1s (f S tl r.rwere
ehl to be I~ un aillowable. A lov, for
I:Ain1n, c(nl( 11ot. bet he v rloked; and
hilen ire wer. crtin e:t.s it dowl as
Aiiva:let. to) a blowm -- llh ::.A v.iing the
i.t (din et, and s() o1. In slort--we
I (k n4 w pml tien ,l ov(f Irela d1 -d when
1n Ins be il y 'mi v (it ' ig inlsuilt
I ' 1y himl, it waii s nI <o i (.e eterin(illed,
:i refince Ito the rul ;, wht hi e repr
'ua must1. be. The siwordl atl pistol
ere( alw~ays Inl ord<( r,. o g thlt thlirt-(
x rt(lsif Hie C()ah-, t (;I et ilmescalhed
The P I lite Connuim in t, were
.%0-111d uith i a special aill to protec1 the
n111m ilslullt, .s fr a.; po48sibl; andot the
"r 17 o ans, und k this code, Wils
Vid I ANwhere it cul e( pperly
.44 4ile
Th is- inltronet11ion I will enale usv be; tter
4) imiiderstaid the pith (f the folloving
Iory, whiclh was toh t;) me by a son of
he soil.
Amngip the gay anl festive of the fash
-mbl v.oieAY of Corkther was niot
in0 Inore P(4 ntlt thii was" Rarrv Yel
'rtn1, the wealthy ald 4.eentri l iphew
f 1, (rd Av(iiniore. in t lie use of the
'oV 'd anl 1 (hI ]I(e va:s a ma8ster. He
('(111( sh hot iger from a glovo inl the
.iir. at, 1-Ity paes, hit hie 11111's eye
:iinietcein fillis ill twelty at thirty paces,
is1i is pistol, andl firing at the word;
while at sw(rd-play he was deemed well
One inght, At the Mayor's ball, where
ft hirge and select. eompany were gath
ered, Barry allowed himself to drink to
.A stat1 of wild intoxieation; and, while
inl this eunfortllinate condition, lie muan
aged to insult -L minher of orderly men.
Some he jostled vioiently; to others he
ased grossly ahusivo language; and still
Others' lie in;sulted by treading cruelly
on1 their toes. What. nmre lie might
hiave done, (r what the closing (1scene of
the night might Iave been, had he beeni
sutfered to keep oi, there is n1o tolliug;
but at length two of his friends, assist
ing his vldet, got him away frc'n the
scene.
Oin the following morning, wvhen he
wNas able to re:ilize what 1ht) had done,
lIe wrote a note to each of the mei. whom
he had inisulted, appointing a meeting
fo r that- afternoon, at three o'clock, at
the riding-room of the regimental har
racks; and these notes were dispatched
trusty friends.
At ti! apopointed hour three-and
twenty ' 1 -- .1o
theml h1
hand I
tlch'1 1(
heeld, I
nill J'
to ene1
bl aek '
Saltisfal
balck,'
tate.
front
sentes
tilrne
such
Here
edige
*fnde<
The'
and I
in1 th
had<
A
the~
get:
ger
Aad b~roui b ... su a a
ut light at last on his su a at
Away sanik pain and Porrow ;
His 50ou1 1. gay in a fair to-day,
And looks for a bright to-morrow.
And so on ad infinitum. So, you soe,
a fellow can write with ease without E's
(if you will forgive a cheap pun).
Hlow to Prevent Horses Slipping.
The mnethlods atdop~ted in Germany for
preiventing the slipping andl falling of
hlorses on the public roads is as unique
as it is simple. The smith, when finish
ing the shoe, punches a hole in two ends:
as soonl as the shoe is made ho taps in i
screw thread and screws into the shoes,
when on the horse's foot, a sharp-pointe(
stud an inch in length. With shoes
thus fitted the horse can travel securely
over the worst possible roads. Who'r
the horse comes to the stable the poinlte(
stud is unscrewed and a button screwe(
in. No dlamage can then hap pen thE
horse, and the screw h oles are thus pre
vented from filling up.
A FLATTEREDI womanl la alwvays iill1I
gent. -Checsr.
beer-Hluniting With Inniel Webster.
In the winter of 1813-44 deer wore
quite plenty inl Plymouth woods. Daniel
Webster was then at Marsfield. Word
was sent to him that the Kingston gang
was going on a deer hunt the day be
foie Thaiksgiving, with invitation for
him to join us, an id all were to meet at
the old flaxing plaoc at Smelt pond at
silriso, miarp. By 8 o'clock his honor
appeared with a gentleman friend; and
Samuel and Waldo F., Uncio Thomas
B., and my father and myself. We all
had old-fitshione d king's arms, 1percis
sionied, except Mr. Webster and his
frielid, who had dolblo guns. It was a
fine, frosty i morning and our party lively.
We had two good bounds. Samunel and
Wadtlo were to take the hounds and drive
Watson's valley. Unclo Toin was to
drive over and take Nick's rock stid.
The rest of us, were to hurry over to tHe
Carver road aid string out at the guide
board crossing. We had scarcely
reaed our p olce before we heard the
welcoming voi(e of the hounds inl full
cry and soon the thundering echoes of
two king's arns at the head of Witsoni's
valley, and theni echoing down the valley
caie: "Whoop-oh! Whoop-oh! Look.
out, look out,!" The hounds were coming
directly to)wardl us. I Soon detected
something coming down the blind r'ad
at my right, aid wenli within forty v:1eds
it stopped behind a buish. I shoit t t he
fellow I. saw, wli almiost immediately
two deer caiec out of the b ushles at my
left and cr1oss d the road within1 a fev
.vards of me. Mv father, whIo stood on
mv right, ad Mr. Wei bster' aitid friend,
vhio stood at my left, all fired arni one
deer fell. I ran in)to the woOdS where I
had shot, and, not finding ayIthing,
returned, to finId tiat, Mr. Webster and
friend had jiumiped into their wagon and
ran their hiors- to \V\tst Poid rsad to
intercept the (t4tlwr de(r at the cnosing,
as the dogs had gone oi iln track of' tih
other. Father advised me to hIuirry on
and lie would stay thitre 'with the doad
deer, and wanit for Sami and Waldo to
Comie up. Uncle Tom had conic yi1) and
kept. on inl li.; carriag-v towatrd We'st
Poid, aind while lie was dri ing the deeIr
camne within gnushot, ( and lie shot, at it
from his wion. TIhe der, slightly
wounded, now (.'le Ick directly to
ward the guile-h i (rmsing in. 1,
hearing the do(gs, huiriebl b-k. Tle
deer jonliped iit' th.' real some ninet v
yards off anl \v 111 r'i. TIhek ikir
fell, lmt gaintdt his a and baindled
away, fallin-t. ni Cevery jump. Running11"
iup the ro:itl weu all 'b:1eAi it exelpt fifth.r,
who relo:aled, :uul rinming the (d. imare
overtook iand shot the dIer. W~e now
had a joyful luni, washinmg it. downu with
h-1tfliin goodt finm Mr.I I WebI ster's
ket. Th(An Wt (10n0en1A to)
Ilhin , l;4 it w Ia about 2 o'clock.
led that ) I r. Wcb stelr and his
Ssli-t tlie bck and my fltlr
Ih! d1tW. 1r. Wbster' gave 1s
andk lhe :11141 his friend took thev
i vch -, waI a n o, and( father
the do-, as th of ' s we're at
r's. I. f'''line a little udissatis
.v Iirs-t sot, took one' of' the
andI~ went nyp the bulindt road
ti?t s hot. Thei( bouind, siunithing
soin foundlti a lar'ge n-d' fo x dead~t
''u feet of whuere I. shtt at him.
enisttom if successful.-or'. i-br
*They Drmanik 11im Up.
o neighblorhood of Marseilles, not
o, was discovered an ancient Ro
rying-gromund, containing, among
nteresting graves, that of Consul
o'ptimus, wherein a quantity of
>weapons and coins wecre found,
reover, an amphora-the iniscrip
>on1 which was all b~ut illegible
ing a small quantity of a thick,
i liqnor. The amphora, emptied
:onitenlts, was suibmitted to the in
m of an eminent archimologist,
fter bestowving extraordinary pmains
dcciphiering of the muitilated char
enigraiven uupon its surface, do
it to lie his opinion that they in
a the presence of genuine 1Pale'r
*ithin the vessel, addiing that Cais
nus1, a jovial consul of considerable
Sas a judge of good wine, hadl oh -
y ordered that a flask of the best
ec in his collar should ho huiried
imn. The scientific~ gentleman who
hiscovered the consul's gravo andl
possessioni of its conitents, upon
ing the true character of the liquid
inl qulestioni, at once started for'
with his Falerniian ini a glass decan
sud(, there arived, inivitedi Sa dlozen of
ritends, iimmbers of the Academy of
iptionis, to a dinner at one of the
ig restaurants. At desert he pro
.I tho "' consul's wine," carefully
pom'edC~ it into four' tiny Hiquer' glasses,
and handed it round to his guiests, ex
horting them to drink it, rever'ently and
upstandinig, to the immoriiltal memi~ory of
Caius Septimnus. The glasses had scarcely
been empltiedl when a telegram was
brought ini by the head-waiter on a salver,
and laid before the founder of the feast.
He openeld and glanced at it, and1 then,
letting it fall to the floor, fled from the
room, with a cryof terrible agony. Oneo
of the startledl Academicians picked up
the message and read it aloud. It ran
as follows ''"Marseilles, 7 p. m. D~on't
drink contents of amphora. Not Faler
nian at all. lHave dlecip~heredl inscriiptiosn
on foot, which previously escaped im n o
tico. R~ed liquid is bodly of Consaul Ciis,'
liquified b~y special embalming process."
But the friendly warning came too late.
The archmeolagist and his Academical
colleagues had drank up the consul to
his last drop.
TuHF Egyptian emblemn of a serpent
with its tail it its mouth is the earmliest
historical reference to the garmeu(nt, st ill
hn vouunn known na the "swallow..tal"
HUMORS OF TH E DAY.
A nLACK subject--the coal question.
WaAT burns to keep a secret?-seal
lug-wax.
ELECTRIO belles--female telegraph
operators.
THE spot for husbands with scolding
wives-Shrews-bury.
WHEN would a volunteer corps most
need a cook? When they have got a
range.
EvEN dumb animals exhibit attach
ment. The horse is always attached to
the vehicle which he draws.
Ax old farmer on being informed that
one of his neighbors owed him a grudge,
growled out: "No matter, he never
pays anything."
A PAPER, in giving an account of a
shooting affray, says the wounded man is
expeeted to recover, as the pistol-ball
hdged in his 'dinner-pail."
A sTEAMBOAT captain, in advertising
for an excursion, closes thus: Tickets
twenty-five cents; children half price, to
be had at the captain's office.
"Emuyry is the Cradle, Baby's Gone,"
is the tittlo of the latest serio-idiotio
song. It will probably be followed by
"Empty Is the Bottle, Papa's Full."
"PUT upon my tombstone," said the
dying man, "an epitaph stating that I
was a scoundrel, thief, and brute. Then
people will think I was a good man.
Epitaphs always lie so."
"1 believe the jury have been inocu
lated for stupidity," said a testy lawyer.
" That may be," replied his opponent,
" but the bar and the court are of the
opinion. that you had it in the natural
way."
LIEUTENANT COMMANDER GORRINGE
says the obelisk will endure in our
climate for 8,640 years. We advise our
renders to remember this. They may
get the laugh on Gorringe in the yeas
10,440.
" ARE you a good rider ?" asked a liv
cry man. "I am," replied the custoiner
and just then the horse snorted, stood on
its hands, came down and bucked. And
the customer went on, from his high seat
in the haymow: "See how easily I get
off."
"To what degree," asks an inquiring
friend of Mr. Beecher, "may a person at
tho present day be ignorant without
being guilty?" "That depends on th
person," replies Henry Ward; "somv
people are born with a genius for ignor
ance."
h im lipe were like the leaves, he said,
By Autumn's crinson tinted;
" Some people Autumn leaves preserve
B y pressing theiu " she hinted.
The ineanIng of the gentle hint
The luver did discern,
A nd so Le clasped her round the neck,
And giled his lips to her'n.
A LITLE five-year-old boy astonished
his mother one day by urging her to see
if his chin whiskers had not commenced
to sprout. Another, standing beforo her
and looking up into her face, inquired,
"Ma, what's the reason I ain't a man
nlowv? I've got a jack-knife and a pocket
book."
"1 snIOULn) like to know," said little
Allie, after church one Sabbath, "what
makes the minister say what ho does
always when he reads a hymn." "WXhat
does he say?" asked mamma. "Why,
ho always says 'short Peter,' or 'long
Peter,' or somel other kind of Peter,
when there isn't a word about Peter in
the whole hymn 1"
TIIPE TURKEY.
rrouid bird( of thle bairnyard, liithesorne and free,
A nuatrderous luJdgeon Is hovering o'er theo
A ileet-fooed urchin, a hard-hearted !'b,
Will lilt you a rap wIt h more'n a stuffedM club.
Make the imost of thy time, for soon thou'it be
iauight,
And thino own precious head to the block'li be
baro ughlt.
Trhen gobleo and gobble I and gobble away,
Thyself will be gobbled at ino distant (lay.
A rest to thy soul andl pr.ce to thy ashes,
A dinnor thou'ht mnake and cheap sundiry hashes;
A b'reakfast, perhaps, andl a light rsupper, too,
And thenii1) hdssolved in a thmin, carcass stew.
A YOUNO lady at an evening prty
found it apropo9 to use0 the expression,
"'Jordan is a hard road to travel," but,
thinkinig that to be vulgar, substituted
the fo ?llowinig: ''Perambulating progres
sion in p~edestrian excursion along the
far-famed thoroughfare of fortune cast
up by the banks of the sparkling river of
Paglestinie, is, inideed, attended with a
hoterogenleous conglomeration of un
forseen dlifliculties."
kr a lecture, the lecturer had occasion
to spea'ik of the style the Turks have of
shaving the head all but a tuft on top,
whichb, ho saidl, was probably left to as
sist the resurrection angel ini bringing
them up at the last (day. Johnnio looked
uip at the smooth, shiny head of his
fat her, and then whispered to his mother:
" Pap won't have any kind of a chance,
will ho?"
Jews.
A writer in the English CJontemporary
Review states that there "are more
Jews in Berlin than in the whole of En
gland, or in the whole of France. The
Mayor of Berlin is a Jew, so was the
late President of the German Parlia-,
ment. Two-thirds of the Berlin lawyers
aro Jews ; the whole of the so-called
Liberal press is in eJewish hands ; and
the bankers, financiers and leading shop
keepers of the capital are of the same
no-ae. In the watering plaes and health
resorts of Germany the people who live
in the best hotels and most luxurious
villas, drive the finest equipages, and
wear the most extravagant raiment, are
Fast Talkers.
When Gamhetta delivers a speech he
pronounces 230 to 240 words~a minute.
An ordinary speaker pronounees only
about 180 words in the samne timei Lord
Macaulay used to pronounce 3.30 words
in a minute. -
Or of every 100 inhabitats in the
.United States, 'sixteen livo in cities.