DEVTOTED To POLITICS5p XORALITY, EDUCATION AND TO THE 0EEA2ITR14O R 0UTY
TD. F.: 'BRADLEY &-00- PICIKEN.S,. S. C., THURSDAY, FEBUR14181VLX-N
TE EMAD MEN.
The moon is in a state of decrepitude, a dead
world.--P. otor's Leouree.
The moon is dead.- detunet-played out
So says a very learned doctor;
She looketh well, beyond a doubt
Perhaps she's in a tranoe, dear i'roctor.
At any rate she's most entrancing.
For one of such deorepit age;
And on her radiant beauties glaneing,
She charms the eyes of youth and sage.
And so the man upon her's perished I
He lived in doleful Isolation;
Poor wretchI No wife his hoaom cherished,
No children equalled his consolation.
Yet she's adored by all the yples,
Whose lovers sigh beneath her beams,
She aids the steps of staggering tipales,
And silvers o'er romantic streams.
And once she caught Endymion sleeping,
And stooped to kiss him in a grove,
Upon him very slyly creeping;
He was her first and early love.
But that's a very ancient story,
and was a youthful indiscretion,
Wheh she was in her primal glory,
Ere scandal schools had held a session.
Dear, darling moon! I dote upon her,
I watch her nightly in the sky;
But oh? upon my word of honor,.
Pd rather she were dead than L
MY MASTER AND I.
BY DARBARA YRCIITON.
SW ANTED-A Cashier. Mit write r
good hand, and bo intelligent. Apply
between ten and twelve at - Broadwav."
Such was the advertisement that met
my eyes as I looked anxiously over the
columns of "Female Help Wanted " in
the Herald. I read it over twice, then
cut it out, and put the slip in my pocket
book, determined to call at No. - that
morning.
There were two of ,us, Netta and my
self; she was the child of my step
mother, upon whose death she had come
to live with me. Neither of us having
any relatives able to help us, and very
little money, times were very hard. So
for the past weeks, and, indeed, ever
since I came to the city, I had studied
the papers daily, and done a great deal
of traveling in answer to advertisements,
but without any good result. However.
I was not easily discouraged, and, after
dispatching Netta to school, sallied
forth.
No. - proved to be a large retail and
stationery house. " M. A. Chisholm"
was the sign. There were a number of
clerks about; to one I told my errand,
and was conducted to the upper end of
the long store, where, standing and sit
ting, were some six or seven females,
who all looked severely at me; but, noth
ing daunted, I sat down and awaited
my turn.
A little distance from us was an in
closed office, wherein, no doubt, was the
party who was to decide the momentous
question; and as each ono went in and
came out with flushed or disappointed
face my heart sank lower and lower, and
throbbed so when my turn came that I
could scarcely speak.
As the office was dark the gas was
lighted; at a low, wide desk almost cov
ered with papers and writing materials
sat a gentleman. He must have heard
me come in, but he did not stop writing,
nor even lift his eyes; so, a low chair
being near me, I quietly sat down, ex
aming first the countenance of M. A.
Chisholm (for he it was), and then the
comfortably furnished ofhice.
The gentleman was not at all good
looking; he was very dark, sallow, in
fact. with very black hair and heavy
mustache; the nose was too large for
beauty, the mouth and chin square and
determined, the forehead prominent,
with creases between the heavy brows as
if from constant frowning; shoulders
broad and head well set on them. The
tout etnsemble that of a man who would
not take thwarting kindly.
The surroundings were a pleasant re&
carpet, several offce chairs, two desks,
(one occupied), waste-paper baskets,
files, &c. My survey completed, my
gaze 'went back to Mr. Chisholm, when I
was considerably disconcerted at meet
ing two keen brown eyes fixed coldly
and calmly on me.
" Well," he said, presently, with ex
treme politeness (sarcasm, I[ called it),
"I trust you adwire my office?"
"Yes, sir, I do," I answered, feeling
uncomfortably warm.
" Humph!" after another cool glance.
"So you would like to be my caglier?
Know anything about arithmetic?"
"Yes, sir, something - not much,
though," trying in vain to steady my
voice.
" Write a good hand?"
"Yes, sir," wondering if my cheeks
and ears could possibly burn more. "I
write a distinct but not a pretty Inind."
"Made up of negatives, ehi?" lhe que
ried, sharply. "Are you bright and7 in
telligent?'
"I leave that fcr you to judge, sir," I
exclaimed, quickly, almost determined
to get up and go away.
" Oh, you do! Well, if you get the
position you will have to sit at that desk,
take charge of the cash, and write such
letters as I shall dictate to you, besides
assuming a part of the correspondence
yourself. Now write your name there."
With trembling fingers I wiote my
name; never, it seemed to me, had IE
done so badly; the "M" looked weak
and uncertain, while the "K" was de
cidedhy broken-backed. My heart sank;
was that a good hand? I felt sure the
next words would be my dismissal.
He looked at the miserable scrawl,
then at me, with a scarcely concealed
smile.
"Well," he said, after a pause, " per
haps you may suit; at any rate you may
come and try. Now about salary, '
nammng a sum which to my country ideas
se-emed very generous. "Enough, eh?"
with a keeni glance from uinder his
heavy eyebrIows. " Can vou come to
morrow? Then tat will do. IoAd_
morning. OhI our hours are from half
ast to six."
How I got into the.street I don't re
member. I was so happy to think I had
at last obtained employment, and, such a
good salary; yet I trembled a little at
the thought of my future master. He
would be difficult to please, and sharp
almost to rudeness, sometimes; but
rather that than too much politeness;
that I had been warned agdinst. I had
actually gotten the situation without any
" references," for there in my pocket
still remained the kind letter of recom
mendation from our dear old clergyman
at home.
The first day was a wearysome one to
me, and the crowning misery came with
the adding up of ny cash; add, sub
tract, divide, do what I would, it would
not come right; and the knowledqe that
Mr. Chisholm was furtively watching me
did not mend matters. At last he came to
the rescue, and in a few rapid strokes
showed me where the mistake lay. My
other duties I found to be easy; to as
sqme a small share of the correspond
ence, to write letters at my master's dic
tation, or to copy them for'him after they
were written, was light work.
He was just, if sharp and strict, and
gradually became very kind to me; but
he was a man of moods, puzzling me a
great deal at first, until I concluded not
to notice the changes in his manner, but
simply to try to do my duty. I could
see he was not happy, though I heard he
was much courted in society, and lived
alone in a big, handsome house up
town. Sometimes, when we were not
busy, he would talk so pleasantly to me!
He had traveled a great deal, and pois
sessed good descriptive powers, and rare
humor. These occasions were treats to
me. Then, perhaps the very next day,
lie would come down, dark and stern,
hardly saying a word, or, if he did, some
thing bitter or disagreeable.
He was a queer man, this master of
mine, rough, polished, considerate,
sharp--each phase as strongly marked
as the other. A masterful man, too
much accustomed to having his own way.
Still I could not help thinking of him
and talking of him a little to Netta',
when we were cosy and happy in our
little room.
One day I tied a black ribbon several
times over my hair to keep some rzfrac
tory locks in place, and in the midst of
dintating a letter to me, my master said
abruptly:
"That ribbon in your hair makes me
think of a song my mother used to sing
-something about 'Janet with golden
hair and silken snood,' Do you know
the words?"
I colored np and said I did.
"I like the name-Janet,Tanet," he
continued musing; "I shall call you so in
futire. I know it's not your name, but
I like it-and it suits you."
Then he continued dictating without
waiting for my assent.
So, after that when we were alone,
and lie was in a genial mood, I was
'Janet,' and I did not dislike the name.
Christmas Eve came. It had been
long and very tiresome. Mr. Chisholm
had been out'nearly all day. It wanted
now hut a quarter to 6. I had put on
my cloak and hat, and wvas slowly draw
ing on my gloves, when a quick step
sounded outside the office. The next
moment he entered. with the brightest,
happiest expression I had ever seen him
wear.
"Still here, Janet?" lie cried, gayly.
"I hardly thought to find you. Have
you no purchases to make?"
""Yes, sir, one,' I replied, wishing with
IImy heart that T had gone ten minutes
earlier. "I am going now."
I was at the door of the office when he
called:
"Janet, come here."
"I have a purchase to make, sir,"
without removing my hand from the
handle of the door. "I shall be late for
dinner."
"But I want to tell you noething; I
came back here on purpose to tell you,"
he replied.
I walked slowly back and stood within
a few feet of him.
"I am waiting, sir."
He laughed.
"Congratulate me, Janet. I am going
to married."
."To be married?" I repeated, vaguely
with a horrible sinking at my heart, and
conscious that my face was growing p ale,
with my master's keen eyes looking
straight at me.
"Yes. You see I have a big house up
town, handsome and comfortable, but
very lonely, ,Tanet; I've no one to bid me
good-by in the morning, no one to wel
come me home at night; no happy, wee
wife, no merry, childish voices to cheer
my heart; I am lonely, and I love a good
woman-so-I am gomng to be married.
But you have not congratulated me
vet."
"I (do wish you joy, sir," I managed to
say with tolerable composure.
"Thank you," he responded almost
gleefully. "Ah! my love is a rare one,
good, pure, and lovely. Wait till you
see her. I shall show her to you some
day, my little clerk, and I hope you will
be friends."
This was too much.
"Good-evening, sir," I exclaimed. "I
must go now."~
"Good-night." He walked to the of
fiee door with me, thiert held out his
hand. "You have known me more than
four months, and we have never yet
shaken hands. How is that, Janet?"
"I did not know that clerks generally
shook hands with their employers, sir.
Go'od-night and M~erry Christmas." And
folding hoth hands demurely in my muff,
I marched by, pretending not to see his
onitstretched hand.
Gathering India Rubber.
Having passed fully three years on
the southwest coast of Africa, as trader
for an English firm, I will endeavor to
describe the manner in which India
rubber is procured in that count, as
India rubber formed the staple prouce
of the diatrict where I was located.
The natives are in a very rude, un
civilized condition. They have mu cur
rency, and do all business by bartering
the native products for manufaotured
stuffs. Their wealth consists chiefly in
'the number of slaves they possess, who
fish, hunt, and keep their plantations
in good order.
When rubber has to be collected, from
four to ten slaves get their flint muskets
in order, each catrying, in addition, a
long sword-shaped knife called a ma
chete, a munbor of calabashes or jars
to collect the juice of the rubber vine
and a little food that has been cured in
smoke, as they can find plenty of sus
tenance in the bush without carrying it
about with them from place to place.
The vines are in some cases near to
the towns, but generally the natives
havo to go several days' journey into
the bush before they can sit down and
commence business. The vine itself is
of a rough, knotty nature, about as
thick as a man's arm, and grows to a
length of fully 200 feet. Its leaves are
glossy, like those of the South Ameri
WAn rubber tree, and a large fruit much
liked by the natives, is gathered Irom it.
I have tasted it, and found it very pal
atable, being slightly acid. This vine
(what its scientific name is I don't pro.
tend to know) yields several grades of
rubber, each of different commercial
value, the best quality being taken from
the highest part, and the poorest fi-om
the bottom.
With their knives or machetes, the na
tives slash the vine in several places,
and put broad leaves directly underneath
the wounds for the juice to drop on, and
which, being of a strong, adhesive nature,
none of it gets lost. When the top
part of the vine is bled, calabashes, or
Jars, are placed with their openings to
the wounds, so that none of it may drop
on the branches of the tree, and so get
lost ; but it is not often they trouble
themselves climbing, unless the vines
happen to be scarce in the vicinity. The
entire day they devote to cutting ; next
day they gather what was cut the day
previous, and so on. Each evening,
after collecting, they put all the juice
they have into several iron pots, or
earthen vessels of native manufacture,
and boil it ; at the same time they can
greatly improve the lowest quality by
addincg a little salt, and the more they
boil the juice the better it becomes.
When sufficiently boiled the water is
poured off and the juice is allowed to
cool, when it is fashioned according to
the grade-ball, flake, mixed, or tongue
-and it is ready for the market. In
this way about twenty or thirty pounds
a day is generally collected. It is then
taken to the factory, and there ex
changed for guns, cloth, rum, etc. When
it is received at the factory it is carefully
marked, classed, weighed, and put into
casks for shinmont. It contains so much'
water that 20 per cent, is deducted
from the weight of each cask, as that is
about the amount of shrinkage on the
voyage. This is, however, a loss to the
native, as it is deducted from him when
Put a Stop to it.
A Frenchman whose wife was about to
present him'with the fond appellation of
"father," retired to await the happy mo
ment, and with some friends to drink
long life and a noble to the first born.
The punch bowl scattered its inviting
fumes most p)rodigally around the com
pany, and anxiety was manifested by all,
ivhng: n a Betty Lightfoot, exclaim
"oy,.joy, sir! I give you joy."
"Vat ishe, Bettyr, vat is he ?"
"A fine boy, sir.'
"Health to the young Marquis!" ex
* claimed one, and bumpers went around.
"Bety yo utdrink von life to the
jung Marh~7us." s
1' Betty raised the glass to her ips, when
mrushed the nurse:
"Joy, joy, sir, Igive you joy!"
"Vat-vat--is the matter ?"
"A fine girl, sir!"
"Betty,' said the Frenchman, looking
stern, "vat for you say no true ?"
"Oh," said the nurse, "a boy first and
a girl after ward."
"Vat, two-von boy--von fille ?"
"Two, sir,"added the .dame, and help
ing herself to a glass, was swinging it
ofwhen in popped another:
"Sacre!" exclaimed the Frenchman,
"vat, more joy ?"
"Another fine boy, sir!"
"Vat the diable-von gi'1--von boy-.
vongarcon tree times! Mon Dieu!" be
waled the poor Frenoman. "By gar, it
will never do. I must go and put a
storn to it!"
A Desperate Threat.
.4 A wag, having held a nice fat office for
many years undisturbed, suddenly found
himself called to account for some tri
sing discrepancies, and dismissed. In a
terrific rage he left the scene of his die
grace, and, shaking his fist at the wit
nesses against him, exclaimed:
" This is not the end of it!i The con
sequences be upon your own heads if
.this results in murder !"
He was at once arrested for threaten
4 ing the life of a witness, but was released
amidst shouts of laughter, when ho ex
plained, saying:
" Gentlemen, I am a regularly gradu
Mted physician. In the twenty years I
have held office my profession has been
sadly neglected. Ini consequence of
- present necessity I am forced to resume
that profession tosupport myself."
It is safe to say that he did not win
patients from among his audience by his
frank confession, if he did get the laugh4
en his enemies.
imall gray muff for eqtta, AnfL was sou
on my way home at as rapid a paoe as
the slippery, snow-covered sidewalk
would alow.
This pain at my heart was almost in
tolerable; it had been there nearly all
day. I began to realize what it meant;
I was an idiot, an arrant fool! A man
had been simply polite and a little kind
to me, and forthwith i had been silly
enough to fall in love with him. It had
actually come to this; I was in love with
my master, who had never spoken one
wozd of love to me in his life, and who
was going to marry another woman. I
was thoroughly ashamed of myself, and
vowed I would die rather than ho should
know-my foot slipped,Tpitched forward,
then back in a vain attempt to recovor
my equilibrium, and settled suddenly
into a heap of soft snow, while my pack
age flew in an opposite direction. Twice
I made an awkward attempt to rise,
when a pair of strong arms raised me, a
familiar voice saying:
"Not a comfortable time of the year
for sitting out of doors."
Then, while I brushed the snow from
my dress, my master picked up my
parcel, and before I could objec.t had
tuoked my hand under his arm, and was
walking toward my boarding-house. (I
wondered afterward how he knew the
address.)
"Mayn't I call and see you some even
ing when I am lonely? I'll be very
good, and I do want to come," with a
wistfulness in his tone that made my
heart bound.
"Resist the devil and he will flee from
you" had been a favorite quotation of
my step-mother's; the "devil" in this
case was my own heart, that was clamor.
ing so loudly forbidden fruit. To resist
him, I answered sharply, angrily:
"No, sir, you may not come! You
must find some other way of relieving
your lovelineas."
My master looked astonished, frowned,
and then laughed.
"You need not look so cross about it,
Janet. You don't look pretty when you
scowl. Merry Christmas to you!" and
he was gone.
Sonim bitter toars were shed that night.,
with a protest against the bitterness of
life.
My ona Christmas gift was a bunch of
delicions hot-house flowers which had
been left for me by an unknown hand,
and which brightened our room and
gladened oir hearts as long as they
lasted.
I rather dreaded meeting Mr. (hisholmn
the next day; how would lie act ? Would
lhe be cool and caustic, or overlook me
altogether? I felt the blood rush to my
face as I heard his step. He carelessly
returned my salutation, and immediately
became interested in his letters. Evidently
he was angry.
Tator in the afternoon, Mr. Jarvis
uslihered two ladies into the offiee. One
waS young and very lovely Mr. Chis
holm greeted them with cimpresemen.
''The youngest one is Miss Raymond,"
whispered the head clerk, fidgeting
among my papers, "the lady Mr. Chis
holm is to marry."
"Tndeed!" T answered1, henfdinlg over
my work. "Is it settled?"
"Oh, yes!" was the lowv reply. "1
hear they are to be married in March."
She was a brilliant-looking woman,
but I thought, had I been in her place,
I would never have shown Mr. Chisholmi
my preference so lavislhly before stran
gers, or been content with such mocking
homage as he rendered. His crosse'st
manner pleased me more; this was too
light and free to suit me, but Miss Ray
mond appeared well satisfied, flashing
bright glances, and tossing her queenly
head in a manner that might have hewil.
dlered a stronger man than my master.
Some grand b~all was to take place within
a week, and she wanted him to meet her
there. At first lie appeaflred unwilling,
then he allowed himself to be coaxed in
to consent. I saw her slip her small
hand into his in her thanks, then, amid
gay speechies and merry laughter, he es
corted1 them to their carriage.
"Well, Janet," said Mr. Chisholm, ai
little later, with a sudden change of man
ner, "what do you think of Miss Ray.
mond?"
"I think she is very lovely, sir," I an..
sweredl, quietly, "and must congratulate
you on your future happiness."
pE He arched his heavy eyebrows comic
ally.
"Won't she make my home happy?'
he cried. "Won't she be a patieni
Griselda? She'll never give a th iought
to other men's admiration after the knol
is tied--no, not she! And she'll look well
at the head of my table; these large
women make a much better appearance
thani small ones do."
"Please do not speak so; I wish you
wouldn't. Indeed it is not honorab~e,"
I broke in.
He walked over to my desk, looked at
me with a qneer expression.
"Oh, pray continue! By all means
show me my duty to my future wife, noe
Miss Helen Raymond! Janet, you cer
tainly missed your vocation; you should
have gone in for the pulpit or the plat
form; those demure eyes would surely
have gained you many a convert. Now,
by way of a reward for your defence of
the absent, let me tell you that her part
ing advice was to get rid of you as soon
as possible-a man would be so much
morne useful." Suddenly laying his hand
over mine, pen and all, "What do you
know about how much in earnest I could
be? Ther-e---don't he prudish-I shan't
hurt you!" Then, abruptly 'walking
away, "Bah! y ou women make grand
mistakes sometimes, in spite of your
vaunted intuition. I could swear I'love
my future wife with my whole heart
and must positively be paid by the 15th
of the month."
I lifted my head in amazement at tire
sudden change in his voice. Mr. Jarvis
stood in the doorway.
For all Mr. Chisholm's assertions I
would not have changed places with Miss
Raymond; better be his clerk and be
treated respectfully, than be his wife and
be sneered at.
After this he was away from the office
a great deal, and when in it was full of
plans for the future. I was a good deal
puzzled by his manner; sometimes he as
sured me of hin love for his future wife,
and expressed great hopes for hia happi
ness, then again, would sneer at her
frivolousness, being gloomy and sarcas
tic; still he was uniformly kind to me, and
I felt sorry to see him 'so tossod about by
inward hopes and fears.'
One night as I was getting ready to go
home he said abruptly:
"My wedding gday is drawing near;
will you come to the church to see me
married, Janet?"
"No, sir," I answered, "I think not;
you know holidays are rare, and if I have
one on that day no doubt I shall find
plenty to do at home, and you will be
married just as happily without my pres
"No, I won't!" he cried vehemently.
"Promise you'll come, promise, Janet,
or I declare I'll keep you here till you
do.
His face was flushed; the hand that
barred my way actually trembled. I was
astonished, but not afraid.
"If you really wish me to come, of
course I will do so," I said, smiling at his
earnestness.
"Thank you, I do. Good night, Janet:
you are a good little girl; the brido shall
send you an extra large slice of wedding
cake." And this extraordinary man
bowed me out with a smiie.
The next day was Sunday. Netta and
I were enjoying sweet, pure Farrar,
when our small servant made the unpre
cedented announcement:
"A gentleman for you, miss, waiting
in the hall."
Much surprised, I went down. At the
foot of the stairs stood my master, hat in
hand, looking sallow, gloomy and cross.
"Will you do something for me ?" lie
began, abruptly, without even offering
his hand. "Put on your things and
came to the Park with me. Don't he
prudish; let Miss Raymond go to the
dickens" (only it. was a stronger word)
"for to-day, and come help me get rid of
the gloomy thoughts that have been
pestering me all day. Come, Janet, I
want you. If you refuse, I'll just sit
down here on this step and stay the rest
of the afternoon, and I thnkr"grimly,
"entertaining me out of doors will be the
easiest.''
He was fully capable of keeping his
word; lie looked ill and unhappy. I sud
denly resolved I would go with him; I
was not, could not be, afraid of him, my
love was too thorough for that, and I
might win him to a better mood; but I
also resolved, with a swift consciousness
of my own weakness, that it should be
the first and last time. After all, it
would 1)e better for me when Mr. (Jhis
hohm was married.
By the time we reached the Park lie
wa more amiab~le. Sitting on the plat
form of the tower7 we two alone, he told
me the story of his life. His father died
suddenly while Miles was at college,
preparing to graduate; he had been re
called to a darkened home, to find, when
affairs were settled up, that the business
was in a very bad condition. College
was given up, and he devoted all his
energies to paying off his father's debts,
and keeping his delicate mother and
sister in as luxurious style as before the
failure. It had taken the best part of
his life, and, just as fortune really came
within his grasp, death claimed his dear
ones, and lhe was left alone. His experi
ence of life and people had not inspired
a very great trust in his fellow beings.
I pitied him withi all my heart; tears
were in my eyes wheni he held out
both hands with wistful eyes and said,
earnestly:
"Once more life begins to look bright.
I am being educated in goodnues~s and
purity; you are doing it, my little Janct,
with youri sturdy honesty and simple,
pure womanliness. Oh, child, you can
never know the world of good you have
done me, the new light anid life that has
come to mne with your dear p~resence!
With you I am good, my evil temper is
exorcised. I want you-I want you for
my own wife! Don t send me away! It
will h~e a sorry day for your master, my
darling, if you refuse to marry him."
"But Miss Raymond," I gasped,
shrinking from him. "You are engaged
to her.''
"I am not-I never was," lie broke in,
eagerly "Miss Raymond is nothing to
me. Did you think I could marry such
a woman, Janet, with you before my
eyes? I have never made love, to her;
she knows I would never marry her. I
have no faith in women outsie of you,
and you would not blame me, my darling,
if you knew all my life. Like Diogenes
I dloubted if there were an honest man
or woman ini the world until I met you.
I have been a hadl man, too, and my
heart fails me that such a pure little dlove
will never nestle in my bosom; but,
please Glod, if you will come to me, I will
strive to be worthy of your precious love.
Richard Steele says 'a good wife is a
liberal education.' Be my education.
This is my hirthday, be my birthday
gift, ,Janet. Are you still thinking of
Miss Raymond? I swear she is not and
never has been anything to me; don't
make me suffer for the lies report has
circulated. I said what I did to try you.
Oh, my love, answer me! I am not
used to begging."
What need to keep him waiting? I
I loved him with my whole heart, and it
was a very happy hittle woman who put
two hands in his. and a very b)eammrg
fae that was hidden on hi. s.oulde.
The mystery was explained. I, not Mi&s
Raymond, was to be Mr. Chisholm's
wife.
These events h pened nearly five
years ago, and in i the time that has
passed smce then I have never once re
gretted the birthday present I made my
inaster. Natta's at school. Onz my
husband's knee sits a small Miles Chis
holm, who is the delight of both our
hearts.
Miles senior is still eccentric, but there
is perfect sympathy between us; our
love has strengthened with each year.
And I am truly thankful to the Great
Giver who has "cast my lines in such
pleasant places."
Putnam and Longfellow.
Whop. we were at Putnam," the
man on the woodbox said, "do you
1.now we forgot to go and see the den
where Putnam killed the wolf ?"
" Well," the fat passenger said, " I
have been there, and I don't take much
stock in that wolf business. I tried to
crawl into the den. I could lie down on
my face and put my head in, but, as for
going clear inside, why, Putnam could
not have squeezed in. It is-"
" But," said the tall, thin passenger,
" you must remember that Putnam was
only a man-" he paused and repeated,
tumidly, "he was only a man-"
"t Yes," snarled the fat passenger, "he
wa a man, but he wasn't a snake."
The tall, thin passenger replied thlt
he only meant to suggest that a man
could go where a cow couldn't.
The fat passenger said, " Yes, he knew
that, but any man who would crawl
through a crack in the sidewalk after a
lost nickel wasn't exactly the kind of a
man to tackle a wolf in the dark."
The tall, thin passenger began to say
something about a wolf being perfectl'y
safe in the Mammoth cave, if some men
were trying to got in after it, but the
train reached Boston just then, and that
dangerous discussion was abruptly
closed.
Next day, when we were running out
of Boston, we passed through Allston,
and lo ! the biggest sign in all the town
looked upon us from above the windows
of a grocery store: " Henry W. Long
fellow, fine groceries."
"I always did wonder," romarked the
sad p1)asenger, "if Longfellow made all
his money out of poetry ? "
" I wonder," said the cross passenger,
"if he stanzas high as he does as a
poet ? "
"If you could have crowded a few
more ases in there," said the passenger
with the goatee, " you might have start
d a Government corral."
" Four aes is a mighty good hand,"
said the man on the wood-box, but no
I.ody undorstood what he meant.
"That isn't really the poet Longfel
low's grocery, is it? "asked the tall, thin
passenger.
"It's his name," said the fat passen
ger. "Lot um soap it doesn't tens him."
" That accounts for some of his versi
fications," said the sad passenger.
" How's that'? "
" Ex ham mieter," was the chilling
re'ply.
" Arma, virmung~ue can fruit," mur
mnured the tall, thin passenger.
Thl~is sort of thing would have gone
on perhaps to the end of the run if the
conductor hadn't come along. We soon
heard the man on the wood-box explain
in g to him that at the last general dis
trib ution of tickets he had been left out,
but--etc., etc. And as the conductor
only shook his head over the etc. etc.
and glanced thoughtfully toward the
h~ell-cord, we hastened to chip in and
help the man on the wood-box out. He
said he was glad we did, because the con
duetor was just going to,--Bob Bur
dette. ________ __
A Truthful Mani.
A flat-footed, 01(-fashioned Westert
merchant, hailing from a country store
in Michigan, was buying stock in NeW
York, and the firm took advantage of
the occasion to make inquiries concern
ing some of their customers around him.
When they asked about Smith, of Cash
ville, he replied :
"Smith ! Yes, lie's in trade yet, but
he's jus mried a second wife, and she's
going through his wealth like saltpeter.
Hle'll fail in less'n six months."
" How about Jones, of your town ?"
" Jones I Well, Jones is pegging along
after the old style, and ho'a bought him
a bicycle, and everybody says he'll go to
the wall in a year."
" And Brown & Son-are they all
right ?"
" Brown & Son ? Wall, they may
keep along till spring, but I doubt it.
Old Brown has got so nigh-sighted that
he can't tell a sheep pelt from a coon
skmn, and the boy is dead stuck on a
widow woman who never wears anything
less than $6 stockings."
" But Davis is doing a..good trade,
isn't he ?"
" Davis!I aTl, 'pooty fair, but he
won't last,.- "1e rented the uipper part
of his store to a Chicago milliner, and
she broke up two families and caned a
p reacher. Everybody blames Davis, and
his sales last woek only footed up a
pound of saleratus and a washboard."
" Well, you are the only customer out
there, and, of course, you are all right."
" Me I Wall, I'm all right just now,
but things may change. My wife be
longs to three literary societies and is
the big toad at church festivals, while
I've bought a 2:40 trotter and learned to
play old sledge. You needn't be sur
prised any day to hear that I've been
butdfrom garret to cellar ; so clean
that creditors, can't find enough dry
goods to wipe a balbv's nose on."
IRAcm'5 first experience on eating a
peach: " I've eaten it cloth and all,