Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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THE HERALD IS PUBISHED1 4 1 IJ0 ter %quare nmeh r first iwserts. IS PUBLISHED- D) e n umn :*h erc emet :cn }-er en: gSVERY WEDNESDAY MORN ING,olsmmeIc h:mm rb: At Newberry, S. V. e in I.L un: e-) n - Advert> a nents nlot mar 1w with the nu:n - BY THOg. r. GRENEKER, . mer line. _______________ td charg ed accordingly. Editor and Proprietor. -Spec! contracta made with large adre' - - - -- - - - -tzers, witth liberal deductions on above ra te. Terms, S.0oper aR an A Family Companion, Devoted to Literature, Miscellany, News, Agriculture, Markets, &c invariably in Advance. -------R-T _________ )' NE W1TI NE.\TNI:s AND i;mi'ATrch Tie pKper is stc,ped at the exp iraio of b" The >4 mark denotes espC. WEiration of sub tol. 1v - NN WB RI Y s. C. E N S A ,J NU R 81 O 1 EM A Drags $ Fancy drticees DR. S. F. FA Al, Wholesale ani Retail DRUG Gl(% Ofers I-nported and Indigenous Drug. Sta'ean Rare Cheicalsh. Foreign and Domestic Medical P:rpar tions. Fine Essei:tial Vi!s and Select Powders. New Phlrm;ceutical Remedies. -u.cial attention is calied to t:e f.iolw inr Suarndard Prep:aarizns: FANT'S Live'r Re:cil:or. FANT'S Fixir o Calisaya wvith Pyrupi:C. p:tte of Irou. FANT''s Com>ouati Fltid Extract oft P!hu FANT's Com'pound Extract of Qacc;. ight and Sarsaparilla, with ledi, o?Potassiuw. FANT'S Soothing Syrup. FkNT'S Essende of Jamaica Gin;er. FANT'S Ague GGure-well known to ever% one in the County, having beer thoroughly tested in fever anc ague. FANT'S Cologne. Curatine and Iron Bitters-the great Blood Purifer. Sole. Agent for Swift's Syphilitic Speciic, the Great Eliminator of all Impurities of the Blood. The cure for Scrotula; Rheuma tism, NIeuralgia ind all Nervous Affections Buckeye Pile Oiutment, a specific lo: Piles. I also offer the largest assortment of Lamps, Soaps, Perfumery, Hair Brushes, Too'th Brushes, and Toilet Articles, of ev - ery description, at the veiy lowest prices. Ca'l and examine for yo.irselves. Prescriptions carefully compouaded at al; hours of the day and night. - Mar. 31, 14-tf. . lIiscellaneous. BENJ. F. GRaEros, STORr B. LADD ILBERT E. PAILE. Late Coinmissioner of Patents. PATENTS. PAINE, tRAFTON & LADD, Attorneys-at-Law and Solicitors o. Ameri can and Foreign Patents. 412 FITHSTREET, WASHINGTON, D. C Practice patent law in el its branches ix the Patent Qice, and in the Supreme an< Circuit Courts of the United -States. Pam phlet sent tree on receipt of stamp for post age. Sep.1,1S) 36-tf. NEW RESTAURAN' -AND SAMPLE ROOM. The underigned would respectftuy i . form h~s friends that he h.s opened THE RESTAURANT In rear of the grocery store, corner o Richardson and Taylor Streets. The raoma are beautifu.ly fitted u*'. 3Meals are erve< at all hours durinir the day. H&YT LUNCH every d-:y from 1i to I P M. The best Winos,TLiquors and Cigars Gider and Lager Bc.. G. DIERCKiS, . Dec. 22, 52-tif COLU.MBIA, S. (3. AGENTE WMATED. We want a limited number of active, en ergetic canvassers to engage in a pleasan and profitable business. G'ood men 'w i sind this a rare.chance TO MAKE MONEY. Such will please answer this advertise ment by letter, enelosing stamp for reply stating what business they have been en gaged in. None but those who mean busi ness need apply. A ddress FINLEY, HARVEY & CO., ov. 17, 1880-.---2y. Atlanta, Ga. Res.pectfully offers its services to thos paren';s who desire to secure for tneij daughters the thorough and symmetrica *cultivation of their phys~ical, invrleemual and moral powers. It is conducted o' what is called the "One-Study' Plan, with a Snu- A YA.u Coc:ass Study ; and, by a system of Tuitional Pre miums, its Low Rates are made sti lowe for &z., who average 85 per cent. No Fublic Exercises. No "Receptions. *Giaduation, which is always private, ma: occur eight times a year. For full information, write for an Illus trated Catalogue. Address REV. S. LANDER, Presiden?, Oct. 27, 44-ly Williamiston, S. C. lITYourselves by making mone: - EDwhen a golden chance is offered Aiithereby always preeping povert; asai rom your door. Those who al ways take advantage of the good chance for making money that are offered, gene rally become wealthy, while those who d not improve such chances remain in p)ove:1 ty. We,*want many men, women, boys ani .girls to work for us right im their own 1< calities. The business will pay more tha ten times ordinary wages. W e farmish a expensive outfit and all that you neeC( free. No one who engags fails to mnak money very rapidly. You can de.vote you whole time to the work. or only your spar moments. FuU information and all that needed sent free. Address Stinson & Co Portland, Maine. Oct. 13, 42-ly. HARVEY REESE, IN NEWBERRY HOTEL Being desircus of givinggeneral satisfa< tion, I have spared no pains to make n, shop co:nfortablne and aigreeable to all wb visit mue. I will ,till conduct the busines' anid r,oiici! plain and jashionable work. Sat isfaiction guaran'eed. I thiank my numie ous patrons for their generous supporti the past. Sep. 22, 39 -tf. H. L. FARLEY, 'Attorney at Las REAL ESTATE AGENT, SPARTANBUJRG, S. C. PRMTATTENTIOM TO ALL BUSINES piPr.MP10, 11-1y. .Mscellaneou~s. New Store! New Stock! H.tvin erec;:'d a now aud comi:todious %torc o: the .,' of our rh St1;d, our fa e1i' it" ctnlcing !' Fori1 aut Do :m?;rie Fr":uit tr.:te :! .r nowv u ra: l ,SSt'Qa l The xttei:; of o. frie:idi, an l en:-:iy, i e:'.ed to 15 :.., a n. i a'o to of:r *:es}: "uppile-- U: Iving: t -i "" . 1 t relt Nir rthrn .hiPLES. 50 boxes Mes4ina Lmos. 25 birr! an. h:t bal, ':- e .s . 15 pkgs. Dela%v:re en.1:" Cu;ucord Grape!. 21 ; barres L. Ro-t _otatoes. 1(I barrelg Noi theni Cabir . Peaes and Grapes :1 sh .'ve'v moining by Exouress. C. BART & O. 51 57 and 5; } etp. 22, i9- hret, S. C 1880. 1880. (Formerly the Wheeler House,) COLUMBI131A, S. C. TllOROUGFILT RENOVATED, REFURNISHED AND REFITTED. TERMS, $2.00 TO $3,00 PER DAY, JOHN T. WI1LLEY, Propriet'r. Nov. 10, 4u-tf. FRED VON SANTEN, 279 KING ST., EALESTON, S. C. Santa lu8 9 a quarlrs1 WHOLESALE AND RETAIL. NOW READi TO UPPLY EVERYBO1Y. CO. AND SEE 1ME. Nov. 17. 47-6mn. HENRY BAYER, IMPORTER 'OF BANANAS, COCOANUTS AND ORANGES, And Wholesale Dealer in Apples, Potatoes, Onions, &e., 215 EAST BAY, CHARLESTN, S. C. l Prompt attentiou given to country orders. Nov. 17, 47-6m. C. C. PLENGE, Corner Broad and Church Streets, CHARLESTON, S. C. I AGENT FOR DUNLAP'S FIFTH AVEN~UE HATS. FALL STYLES NOW READY! Mren's Sot uats. Soc. to $S.oti. Menk's StitT Hats. $1.00) to $3l.50. NOBBIY HATs FORt YOUNG MEN, A sPECIALTY. UMJBRELLAS. Silk Umbrellas, from $:3.00 upwards. I Alipaea - from $2 50 to $4.50. G ingh1am " 75cn., $1.00, $1.25, $1.50. Mourning Bands put on Iata, 25 Cen:-s. Hlats'Restocked and Trimmed. &.- A call is respectfully solicited. -Nor. 17, 47-.m. -ChARLESTON, S. C. This popular and centrally located House has been entirely renovatedl during the past summer and was REOPENED to the travel ing public on August 16,1880. Terms, $2 and $2.50 per Day, E. T. GAILLARD, Nov. 17, 47-tf. PROPRIE fOR. H ~OERMANN BUL WINKLE, andr GRIfeneral CoiiSSIOR lertllaRt, CHARLESTON, S, C., DEALER IN GERMAN KAINIT, or POTASH SALT, Peravian Guano, No. 1 and No. 2, Pure Fish Guar.o, Nova Scotia Land Plas er, Ground south Carolina Phosph.ite, arnd other FERTILIZE~RS. Also, Corn, Oats, Hay, &c. SOrders filled with dispatch, and liberal advances made on consignmlenlts of Cotton and other Produce. SNov. 10, 46-3m. ~Preserve Your Old Books ! E. R. STOKES, 2 Blank Book Manufacturer -GENERA BO0KBINDER. Has moved opposite the City Hall. where he is fully prepared, with first-class work men, to dlo all.kinds of work in his line. BLANK BOOKS RULED to any pattern and bound in any style desired. My facilities and long acquaintance with the business enable me to guarantee satisfac tion on orders for Bank Books, Railroad Boks, and Books for the use of Clerks of Court, Sheriffs, Probate Judges. Masters in Equity, and other Coun ty Officialis. 0 Pamphlets, Magazines, Mu-ic, Newspapers nd Periodicals, and all kinds of publications E bound on the most reasonable terms and iu r-the best matnner. ni All ordiers promptly attended to. E. R. STOKES, - Main Street, opposite New City Hall, Oct. 8, 41-tr. Columbnia, S C. NEWBERRY~ HOTEL. -BY A. W. T. SIMMONS. T'his elegant new 1101el is l:o, op)e: for the receton of guests, and the proi.rietor will spare no effort to give satisfaction to the traveling public. Good airy rooms, comn I rta ble beds. the bot of fare, attentive, ac .e:man>d atin~g servants,and modera te charges H C C a m4 tdOlO oP i s-LJ C3 > 0 d P y O s .1 yr r C oo C T r E RE ED Y_G.TBI MEDCIN FO T_ B-0DM&IES A Cnedik o . c bn-gi nepe For Blo ns . ;-. io t e ca 1 powrs ortheev -TR I h- r<neald eU a o eBlo.I N ATir,heEdWey throg in sediceto NT It is'excee for tei - ues of all Blood. Di 0 ases suchl as~ Sero For Kidney Diseases. uIea, TumnorN. Boi Tetter,SalCt RelseMs ai s 0 ConutipatiOJ ForRbuxatILf.BysPI ', I is tl F orRhematsm.gestin. Sour Stou ach, Retention (I URA TIN4E "'""''''t For Serofuia Diseases. ASKYU RGI FORi IT. URATINE, ThX BONcHEical( for Erysipea, Pimples, BA LT IMOR E, Md. Wholesale by DOWIE: & 3M01SE, Wholesa ~ruggist., Charleston, S. C. 15-ly. NEVER FAILS o Give Entire Satisfactiol A pill that has become standard and having an unprecedented sale througho he South, is GILDER'S Liver Pills They are honest, They are certain, They have no equa And are rec'jlllt,eCded by those.l as I i d doing all the ! pe.s ;el~ca r tiemi. ThevY have never failed to h.-ve thie t sired effect where other piIl l.,hve been u succesfully tried. * --AT W. E. PEL.HAIVI'S. Dec. 15, 47 -l SUBSCRIBE FOR THE WEEKLY PALMETTO YEO1MAi COLUMBIA, S. C. It is an 8 page papter, de-igned for the p~ pie, filled with. ini:eresting austI er-Fam ieading, News, Markets. &c. Sulscriptio One Year, SI 5); Seven Mouths, 31.( hree Months, 5'0 Cents-payable ina vance. For Six Namne, and Nine Dollars xtra Copy tor one year. Specimens fi nished. The DAILY YEOMAN, an aft noon paper,% $4 a yer. C. M. McJTUNKILN. 40-tt Editor and Publisher Clu%,hhed with the HELAn at $3.25. HERE AND THERE A GEN. GATHERED FOR THE N. Y. OBSERVER. "When thou hast thanked thy God for every blessing sent, What time will then remain for murmurs o. lament." -Archbishop Trench. I know not if or dark or brignt Shall be my lot, If that wherein my hopes delight Be best or not. it It may be mine to drag for years Toil's heavy chain; Or day and night, my meat be tears On bed of pain. Dear faces may surround my hearth With smiles and glee; Or I may dwell alone and mirth Be strange to me. My bark is wafted from the strand - By breath divine, And on the helm there rest a hand Other than mine. One who has known in storms to sail, I have on board; Above the raging of the gale I have my Lord. IIe holds me when the billows smite; I shall not fall. If sharp, 'tis short; if long, 'tis light; He tempers all. t Safe to the land! safe to the land! The end is this, L And then with Him go hand and hand Far into bliss. -Dean Alford. IA i A FO R EID .0NO ESSIO1\s -0 It had been a sultry day at Fern Island. All the afternoon the tree boughs had drooned under the tropic glow of the sun, the birds had huddled silently in bowery nooks, the cattle stood knee deep in the delicious ripples of the irn ped water, and Kitty Crawford, peeping out from behind the screen of her Madeira vines, had watched the party of picknickers go by in their little pony phrtons and the huge, covered wagon, not without a sigh. 'It's all very well to have no thing to do but to enjoy one's self, but I have got the little chickens to take care of; and the ~ gooseberry jam to make, and my own blue muslin dress to iron, if I expect to look decent in church next Sunday. Oh, dear ! oh, dear ! b ow nie it would be if people Sdidn't have to work in this world ! ~There goes Matilda Emmons, in Sher new lace buuting~ dress with Sthe white Langnedoc trim ming b ow pretty she looks, to be sure!' bAnd Miss Emmnons, catching a :glimpse of Kitty Crawford's vio flet blue eyes behind the Madeirai rvines, drew up her horse with a scientific jerk of the reins. o'Kitty,' she cried, in sweet, im perative tones, 'aren't you going ?' U 'To the picnic, do you mean ?' e'To the picnic, of course.' - Certainly I'm not ?' retorted Kitty. 'But whby?' questioned Miss *s Emmons. SKitty elevated her pretty tip tC tilted nose in the air. 'Because,' said she, 'I don't choose to be looked dowu upon by those haughty city girls and their attendant cavaliers.' 'Nousense !' said Matilda. 'You may say what you please,' returned Kitty, 'but I know that Parke Cameron despises me, be cause I have red hands, and freck led across the bridge of my nose, and because I am only a farmer's daughter. And I won't be de spised !' 1'You little goose !' cried Miss -Emmons, with good-humored su nperiority. -Didn't he dance with you, and no one else, last night at .the moon-light frolic?' n'That's because he wanted to amuse himse!f,' said Kitty, haughbt ily. 'Do you suppose I don't dis criminaLe between real, genuine respect, and the supercilious pat ronrage of a fiue gentleman who is Phugbing in his sleeve all the t~ ime ?' And the indignant dewdrops ;sparkled on her long, curled eye :lashes as she spoke. d You're altogether mistak en!' e ried Miss Em mons, with empha r- sis. 'But if you will be so wrong headed I can't stop to argue with ,ou -omt! jump into the pony arriage and go with me to the )icnic ! But Kitty resolutely shook her c iead. 'No.' said she, 'I shall stay at ome and pick gooseberries for c am.' But, instead of picking goose erries she indulged in a hearty i ry, when Matilda and her pony vere out of sight. 'He don't care for me,' said she c o berself, 'and I'm determined I s ron't care for him ! He shall id out I'm not one of the senti- I iental damsels we read of in 1 ooks who die of unrequited l eve.' s And Kitty Crawford dashed f he salt spray off her eyelashes, ,d went out to feed the downy c ttle chickens, which were peep- 1 ng about the kitchen doorstone i ke so many animated balls of I 'ellow velvet. t And there was butter to work t ver and to pack down in huge tone jars; and the blue muslin ress, with its multitudinous little r rills and flounces to iron ; and hen her brother Philo came in vith a linen duster that must be t nended before he could set forth ' mn his daily walk to the postoffice; .nd old Mrs. Dodge sent over to ee if Miss Kitty would make a r >owl of jelly to tempt the failing Z ppetite of her consumptive laughter ; and the brood of c -oung turkeys wondered off into E ,he wheat-fields, and had to be . oaxed home again ; so that it was quite dark before Kitty re nembered the gooseberries for G ,he morrow's jam-.dark with slectric masses of purple-black :louds piled up against the sky, t Lnd ominous mutterings of thun- c ler in the air. 'I do believe its going to rain,' aid Kitty, despairingi . 'and my t ooseberries are not picked yet!' t And with a quick motion she I taught Phil's hat and duster from he hatrack, and sped down into e cool, secluded greenery of the 1 arden, where a neighbor's huge >ear-tree droopod over the stone vall on one side, and the hedge of ~ooseberry bushes grew below. But as the green balls of sweet ess rained down into her basket, he became conscious of a rustling n the pear boughs beyond where. , huge hammock swung. -Some of Mrs. Peck's city board-< rs are there,' said Kitty to her ~elf ; 'but I won't notice 'em.' 1 ISut she colored 'celestial rosy- I ed' under the broad brim of her rother's Manilla hat, when she 'ecognized the sound of Parke aeo's low and rather languid oice. 'Is it you, Philo ?' Kitty picked on, silently and speditiously, without a single ~vord of answer. But evidently the interlocutor as not discouraged. 'So you're like me,' he resumed1 'preferring your own society to be gay clamor of the picnic par 'Philo,' said Cameron, abruptly, do you suppose I should find your sister at home, if I were to o up to the house ? She avoids me so systematically that I can ever get an opportunity to speak to her ; and, for the life of me I can't tell wby.' The Manilla hat dropped lower than ever among the gooseberry thicket;tbe nervous fingers work ed away with redoubled speed. Kitty Crawford wished herself anywhere on earth just then but on that particular spot. 'Do you think I should have the gost of a chance with her, if I asked her boldly to become my wife ?' said Parke Cameron, plu ng ing valiantly into the heart of his subject ; 'for, of all the girls I ever saw, she comes nearest to my ideal of perfect womanhood, and I have learned to love her deeply and passionately I Don't, for heaven's sake, be so silent, old fellow, un less you purposely wvish to dis courage my suit l' he added, with someting like impatience in his voice. 'Tell me, have I grounds for hope?' Kitty was trembling all over, more like a frighted blue-bird caught in a net. Was ever a gir-i l.aced in snu-h an embarrassing )redicament befure. How she vished she had let Philo's linen luster and broad-brimmed bat done! 'Why don't you answer me?' lemanded the deep voice, waxing ,till more impatient in its tone. And to add to Kitty's perplex ties, the big drops of rain began o patter inexorably down, and a ig-zag streak of lightning shot f r:sswise across the threatening ky, a zone of living fire. 'Discretion is the better part of Jaor,' said our little heroine to t ierself and, catching up the only r alf-filled basket of emerald fruit, he prepared for au ignominious Light. But Mr. Cameron had no notion Sthis. With a quick movement se sprang from the hammock oove, and placed himself direct y across the narrow pathway, bus effectually barricading all re reat. 'Old fellow !' said he, half laugh ig and half in earnest, 'you shall iot stir a step from here unless Ou tell Inc whether or not-' 'I will go!' cried Kitty Crawford, >ursting into hysterical tears. You-you have no right to stop no this way !' If the thunderbolts even then nuttering through the twilight ky had siricken him with their lectric hands, Parke Cameron ould have scarcely been more tupified and amazed. 'Miss Crawford !' he exciaimed, Kitty, can it be possible that this s you ?-that I have committed uch an awkward blunder as-' But, in the self-same instant, he ,omprehended that his suit must >e pleaded now or never-that a ,owardly loveir is never a success ul one. 'Kitty,' said he, still barricading he way. 'I have told you frankly hat I love you. You must be ,qually outspoken with Inc.' 'But-but it rains !' faltered Kit *y, looking wildly this way or that or some method of esc<rpe. 'I don't care if it rains a de uge!' said Parke Cameron ; 'I ill know my fate!' 'When we get up to the house,' said Kitty, evasively. 'Now,' insisted Cameron. 'Please let me get by,' pleaded itty. 'Not until vou decide one way r the other,' said Parke. 'But I have decided,' said Kit .y, cruelly maltreatin g the buttons > Philo's linen duster in her con :usion. 'Speak out your decision, then, it once,' said Parke Cameron, ith an imperiousness that some ow didn't displease Miss Craw 'ord at all. 'I do love you,' blushingly con 'essed Kitty-'that is, I think I And then the rain came down n buge cylinders of crystal, and he lightning blazed overhead, d Parke and Kitty had to run or their lives to the piazza of the ld farm-house. 'Thbere I' said Kitty, 'I hav.en't picked my gooseberries for the am, after all.' 'I'll help you to-morrow,' said Parke Cameron. And, to the end of his (lays, he eclared that goose berry jam was bis favorite conserve. Experiment has shown that if1 50,000 pounds, once applied, will iust break a bar of iron or steel, a stress very much less than 50, D0 pounds will break it if re peated sufficiently often. Wrought iron will crystallize and break easier than cast iron. It is well nown that wogtin, sub jected to continuou.s vibration, ssumes a crystalline structure, and its cohesive power is much deteriorated thereby. 'You can't play that on mc !' said the piano to the anmateulr who broke down on a difficult piece of musc. A California man has a farm of 5,000 acres. It is fortunate for him that he hasn't them in his A may may be headstrong w.it-hou bing strong-headed. fRiscellantus. TO THE LADIES. L Few Practical Words From an Augusta Housekeeper. The following, from a well-known kugusta lady we pubiish with pleas ire. as containing a few words of i . iortance: 'd itors Chronicle and Constitu tionalist : I am not sure but that I should say o the gentlemen that I address my emarks on the very interesting sub. ect of good eating and home cookery -for after all they are the,ones for thom we cudgel our brains, toast our aces and burn our fingers in the aroest endeavor to provide daioties hat will tickle their palates, win their miles, and, as a matter of course, :eep them in a good humor. To secure this last named result. >me of the best methods known is to eat them to a nicely appointed, well ?repared dinner, and it seldom fails. Lt is, therefore evident that the ladies. this very pardonable desire and in ;heir own pride of housekeeping, need ll the assistance that is to be had, nd now we come to the subject un ier discussion to the point to which I would call attentio!i. The Ladies' kid Society of the Second Presby ;eriau Church have, through their abors, supplied a loug felt want in the .ssue of a book cailed "Choice Re ;ipes of Georgia Huusekeepers,' and ;bey are recipes that have been well ried, and that are well known to all, td the very name of the book insures rood cheer and the best of living. the names aunexed to the recipes are guarantee of their worth, and no housekeeper need fear in the use of ;heau the result that has been often nown to follow the trial of. indis riminate recipes, viz: The loss of aaterial, time and patience. So I would suggest to all good diners, or ,hose who love the good things of his life. to provide themselves with a ~opy of this valuable work, and se ~ure thereby the smiles of their wives. he gratitude of these workers in a ood cause, and last but by no means east, increased satisfaction in the en oymuent of well-made dishes. HOUJSEKEEPER. Not a few of our anecdotes of wit ud humor are connected with the ~lergy, all denominations of whom are t times represented. This time it is good Methodist brother of whom we speak. Through the influence of m presiding elder, who, as he thought, was prejudiced against him, he was appointed to a small and scattered settlement, when he and most of his 'riends felt that lhe ought to have been sent to some prominent position. Lnaenting the narrowness of the field o which he had been allotted, he was reminded by a friend that he ought not to be dissatisfied, but rather to pray that lie might see the band of the Lord in his appoinent to just such a place. To which he replied, ' have-I have tried, brother, to do is you say; and time and again I ave prayed to the Lord that I might see His hand in it, but every tiaie, as looked up, all I could see was the big paw of that presiding elder." A NEW COMErr DISCO VERED.-The chairman of the committee on astron omy heaved a deep sigh and reported as follows: "Dis committee am well awar' of de fack dat a comet has re eently bin diskivered about 60,000,. 000 miles on de road to Hieaben, an' dat it am now supposed to be ap. procin' de y'arth at a rapid rate, but de commnittee sees no speshul oe eashun to get excited. it will be a moth or so before de said comnet can git here, an' de chances ani, dat de 'arth will mash it at de fust bump. Dis commit:ee advises de members of de club to git dar butes tapped, dar overcoats patched an' dar wood hauled up fur winter, an' let 'de comet biz ness take keer o' itself."-ree Press. False fronts of shirts, vest and coat are ow furnished corpses by the New York undertakers for $10; a saving of $30 on a suit. "Ain't the deceased loss enough without chucking in his clothes, too ?' re marked on of theum in defense of the sham- He computes that 83,000,00U were annually wasted inugrave clothes besides being a temptation to gravt A few facts not so generally known .s they should be : A watch fitted with a secoud-hand need not necessari iv be a second-hand wateb. Doctors ".e!eral1v agree about bleeding their paLients. Steam is a servant that sometimes blows up its master. An augrammiatical judge is apt to pass an inco-rect se tonee. Peachers who get into pre.erves very often find themselves iu pieles. Any fool can a wo:uan,r talk, but it's hard to make one listen. A thorn in the bush is worth two in the haud. Affectionate wother (to her son) 'Why do you cry, Johnny ? What has hurt you ?' Johnny (crying more iu. tily tian before)--.Because I.fell duown and hurt myself yesterday.' liother-,Y esterday I Thea why do you cry to-day ?' Johnny (bawling at the top of his :aice)--Oh, 'cause you weren't home yesterday.' A droll fellow fished a rich old ent!eman out of a millpond, and re fused the 'offer of twenty-five cents !row ti'e rescued miser. 'Oh. that's too : uch !" .xclaic;d he ; "tain't worth it !" and he handed back twen ty-one cents, saying calmly., as he pocketed four cents, "That's about right.'' The section hands near Rock Rap ids, Ill., diseovered the bead of a calf protruding from a snow drift the o:.her day. Upon shoveiicg it out the critter proved to be alive and imme diately began eating. It belonged to Hoval Oles'n, and had been tightly bound up by the drift for ten days. A 'utchian who married his sec ond wife soon after the funeral of the first was visited with a two hours' >erezade in token of disapproval. Ie ,xpustulated pathetically thus : 'I sat, poys, you ought to be ashawed of yours_lf to be making all dish noise yen dere vas a funeral here so soon. Au exchange gives 'a recip: for preserving the hair.' But what is the use of wasting sugar en such stuff? Nobody would eat such preserves. A man who relishes tripe, might find a pickled chignon palatable, but we don't believe he would takec kindly to preserved hair. 'Do vou want to kill the child ?' ex claimed a gentleman as he saw a boy tip the baby out of its carriage on the walk. 'No, not quito,' replied the boy ; 'but if I can get him to bawl loud enough, mother will take care of him while I go and wade in the ditch with Johnuny Bracer ?' A lady wants to know why the railroad comptanies do not provide j special cars for tobacco chewer-s well as for smokers. Bless your in niocent heart ! tobacco-chewers are not so particular as that. An ordinary passenger car is good enough for them. A reporter calls at a banking house and takes not-es, and it's all right. Along comes another fellow, takes some notes and gets jugged for five years- This illustrates the privileges enjoyed by the press. A Western young lady who has been visiting Bostou says the young men there are so v-am that they act as if they thought they were doing you the greatest possible favor in speaking to you The new governes-'-if you saw a poor man starving in the street, wouldn't you give hm some of your pudding, Tomnmy ?' Tommv-"l'd gve him some of yours, 3Miss &mith !' We have just read a handker chief flirtation code and advise all men desiring to avoid breach of promise suits to wipe theji- montbs with their coat-tails. [Boston Post. 'Oh, dear ! I wish I was dead !' exclaimed a neglected maiden. She had heard that matches are ma-de ini heaven. A familiar instance of color-blindness is that of a man taking a brown siik utmbrefl:a and leaving a green gingham in its place. The Utes have killed five ofOurnv's best horses that they mig~ht accom pany him to the 'happy hauting