The Newberry herald. (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, April 23, 1879, Image 1
I -'Vv
I ~7l~*J ~-14
A FT1amily Companion, Devoted to' Literature, Miscellany, News, Agicultr,haktsic
0o XV0 W EDNES D AY MOIINJNG APRIL 23, 189.o.I.
THE ERALD
IS PUBLISHED
EVERY WEDNESDAY MORNING,
At Newberry, S. .
BY THOS. P. GRENEK1
Eli 'r and Propri:or.
r iz ,to:ed at the expiatiOn Of
ae ; murk dei.otes expiration or zub
eript ic c.
MR M7ER
This importantorganweighs but about three
pounds, n:d %i fte blood in a living person
about thr,:e galloin passcs through it at least
once eve:ry half he:r, to have the bile and
other impuritics s:r:.i:.cd or filtered from it.
Die is the natural purga:ive of the bowels, and
if the Liver becom:ies tcrpid it is not separated
fron the blood, but carried through the vei?Ls
to all parts of the system, and in trying to es
cape through the pores of the skin, causes it to
turn yellow or a dirty brown color. The stom
ach becomes diseased, and Dyspepsia, Indi
gestion, Constipation, Headache, Biliousness,
Jaundice, Chilis, Malarial Fevers, Piles, Sick
and Sour Stomach, and general debility follow.
MRRELL's HEPATI.N, the great vegetable dis
covery for torpidity, causes the Liver to throw
: off from one to two ounces of bile each time
the blood passes through it, as long as there is
: an excess of bile; and the effect of even a few
doses upon yellow complexion or a brown dirty
looking skin, will astonish all who try it-they
being the first symptoms to disappear. . The
cure of all bilious diseases and Liver complaint
is made certain by taking HEPATINE i. accord
ance with directions. Headache is generally
cured in twenty minutes, and no disease that
arises from the Liver can exist if a fair trial is
given.
SOLD AS A SUBSTITUTE POR PILLS
BY ALL DRUGGISTS.
Price 25 . and $1.00
iLUNGS
I The fatality of Consumption or Throat and
i Lung -Diseases, which sweep to the grave at
east one-third of all death:s victims, arises
from the Opium or Morphine treatment, which
simply stupefies as the work of death goes on.
Nzo,ooo will be paid if Opium or Morphine, or
Sany- preparation of Opium, Morphine or Prus
~.sicAcid, can befound ini the GLOBE FOWER
u CoucH SvztUs, whc -ha .curd peol who
~ are living to-day with but one rema'ning lung.
SNo greater wrong can b.e done.zhan to say that
Conyinntion is incurable. .GLoBE FLOWER
CO;GB Smt will cure it when all other
means:ha~ve failed. Also, Colds, Cough,
3n~Asthmaj Bronchitis, and all diseases of the
throatand lur.gs. Read- th~e7terimonials of
f~tWHon. Alexander H. Stephens.; Gov. Smith
and Ex-Gov.Brown of Ga., Hon. Geo. Pea
(body,,as well as those of other remarkable
~ cures in our book, free to all at the drug stores
Oand be convinced that if you wish to be cureci
you can be by taking te GLOBE FL.owER
~CoUGH SyitUr. Takeno Troehes or Lozenges
f1or Sore Throat, when you can get GI.OBE
FwERt SYRUP at same price. For sale by
all Druggists.
tPrice 25 Cts. ad$1.00
'BLOOD
4Grave mistakes are made in the treatment of
all diseases that arise from poison in the blood.
m Not one case of Scrofula, Syphilis, White
Swelling, Ulcerous Sores and Skin Disease, in
Sa thousand, is treated without the use of Mer
cury in some form. Mercury rots the bones,
and the diseases it produces are worse than
any other kind of blood or skin disease can be.
DR. PEMBiERToN's STILLINGIA or QU.EEN'S
'DELIGHT is the only medicine uon whiCh a
~ hope of' recovery from Scrofula, Syhilis and
Mercurial diseases in all stages, can bereason
14ably founded, and that will cure Cancer.
I$ro,ooo will be paid by the proprietors if
LiMercury, or any ingredient not purely vegeta
~'Ible and harmless can be found in it.
~jPrice by all Druggists $r.oo.
RELL'S HErATINE FOR THE LIvER for sale by
all Druggists in 25 cent and Sr.oo bottles.
IA. F. MERRELL &z CO., Proprietors,
II PHILADELPHIA. PA.
Dec. 4, 49-ly.
The subscriber hasving bought the r egk2
of the firm of J. Taylor & Co., wili continiee
to conduct the business in all of its various
branches of
Wheelwright Work,
Blacksmithing,
Painting and
Trignming.
1ll of which will be done in first class style.
I have a choice and well selec ted stock
of seasoned material and will build
POUBLE AND SLNGLE SEAT
.BUGGIES
for sale and to order, of any styic or.pat
tern, promptly, and guarantes satisfaction,
as I will emplov none but the best and
most careful workmen ; and spare no pains
to :nake my work first class
OLD CARRIAGES AND BUGGIES reno
vat,ed and made to look equ:tl to netv.
REPAIRING done in the best manner
and with dispatch.
HIORSESHOEING and PLANTATION
WORK promptly done.
All of the above will be executed AT
LOWEST CASH PRICES..
A liberal patronage respectfully solicited.
J. TAYLOR,
SHOP OPPOSITE JAIL,
NEWBERRY, S. C.
Mar. 12, 11-Sm.
Pianos and Organs.
The undersigned takes this method to in
form the citizens of New berry and surround
in g Counties, who are desirous of pur'chas
ire an Organ or Piano, that he has perfect
ed arrangements with the man.ufactnrers by
which he can RETAIL you a Piano otr an
Organ AT WHOLEsALE PRicEs. We cal sell
you a first class instrumnent at the same
price as these cheap shoddy things so ex
tensivelv advertised over the country. A
written guar'antee for 5 years acc.omnpamies
every instrument we sell. We put them utp
in your residence, and keep them in tune
for 1:2 months free of charge. We respect
fully refer to the following well known par
ties to whom we have sold:
Mr. J. 0. Peoples, Pit no, Newberry C.
II ; Mr. 0. L. Schiumpuert, Organ. Newberry
C nI. . C h'n ian Bennett, Organ, Cokes
INTRODUCED, 1865.
A TORPID LVER
is the fruitd source of many dseases, Dromi
nent among which are
DYSPEPSIA, SICK-HEADACHIE, COSTIVENESS,
DYSENTERY, B!LIOUS FEVER, AGUE AND FEVER,
JAUNDICE, PILES, RHEUMATISM, KIDNEY COM
PLAINT, COLIC, ETC.
SYMPT'1 S OF A
TORPMD LIVER.
Loss of Appetite and Nausea, the bowels
are costive, but sometimes alternate with 1
looseness, fa~in th~Head, accompanied
with aDull sensationin the back part,Pain
in~tb Lirightside~and under the~shoulder
blade, fullnes~afteret, with &disin
clination to exertion nofody ormnd Irri
tability of temper, Low spirits, Loss of
memory, with afeellig obavinigneglected
some duty, General weariness; Dizziness,
Fluttering at the Heart, Dots before the
eyes, Yellow Skin, -Headache generally
over the right_eye,_Restlessness at night
with fitful dreams, highly colored Urine.
1F THESE WARN3INGS ARE UN=EEDED.
SERIOUS DISEASES VLL SOON BE DEVELOPED,
TUTT'S 'ILLS
are especial!y adapted to such
cases, a single dose effects
such a change of feeling as to
astonish the sufferer.
TUTT'S PILLS
ecompounded from snbistances that are
free from any properties that can injure
the most delicate orgauizaton. They
Search, Cleanse, Purify, and iniirorate
the entire system. By relieving the en
gorged Liver, they cleanse the blood
from poisonous humors, and thus impart f
health and vitallty'to the body, causing
the bowels to act naturally, without I
which no one can feel well.]
A Noted Divine says:
Dr. TUMT -Dear Sir; For ten years I have been
a martyr to DTspepsia, Constipation and Piles. Last
Sprng ourPi.s were recommended to ine; Iused
tem (t with litte ftit am nW - well man,
have good appetite, digeat,= n eri'ect. recular stoo-ls,
)s go% ad E have gained forty pounds solid flesb. a
Thyare w rhtheir weih In o,d y
1EV.1 . L. SUI'N, ILouisville, Ky.
TUTT'S PILLS,
Their first effect is to Incrense the Appetite,
and cause the body to Take or, Flesh, thus the f,
system is nourq'.zed, and by their Tonic Ac
tion on the Digestive Organs, RegWar
Stools are produced.
DR, J. F, HAYWOOD,
OF NEWYORK, SAYS:- t
"Few diseases exist that cannot be relieved b) t
toring the Liver to its normal functions, and for
his purpe no remedy has ever been invented that f
bas as guppyan effect as TUTTIS PILLS.
SOLD EVERYWHERE, PRICE 25 CENTS. '
Offlce 35 M~urray Street, New York.
War Dr. TUTT'S MLANUAL of Valuable Infor- C
mation and Useful Receipts " will bemailedfree ,
an application..
']
TUTT'S HAIR DYE,
BI.aenba igeappictiono is I. GIta i
~atsaNatia Clo,acts Intaeously, ad is 8
Dffice, 35 MUPray St., New York.
OLD AND RELIABLE.
D&. SANFOEoD'S L1vEB IIGORATOB
is a Standard Family Remedy for,
liseases af the Liver,'Stomach b1R '
md Bowels. -It is Purely
Vegetable.-It never .
Debilitates-It is ,j?r
athartic and
I'onic. 9
00 \n -\\0 g a
0 8 8 0
% 3 0 0 b
80 0 8\\0
o .~Invigoratorb
~,9has been used b
p ?in my practice
forn by the public, s
formore than 35 years,
~"with unprecedented results.
SEND FOR CIRCULAR.
S, T,.SAN FOR D, M.D., iS N il
ANY DEUGGIST WILL TELL YOU ITS REPUTATION. ..
amar Pvrchang Auck
Estalished. -Reliable.
Everything bought with taste and dis- jJ
ration. N. Y. Correspondent of HERALD
onctedl with this Agency. Send for cir
uIar withi prices. Bes city referenices. C
~ddress MRS. ELLEN LAMAR,
877 Broadway, N'ew York.
Apr.9, 15-t!. t
Passenrers on both the up and down [1
rains have the usual time for DINTNER at
Xston, the junction of the G. & C. R. R.,
LId the S. U. & C. R. R. S
Fare well prepared, and the charge rea- h
;onale. MRS. M. A. ELKINS.
Last evc i.h -Le uI
'ie wijd v. (oWTI;
And :iever a sound ; hea td
'Neath ti-e stasr-e-vd sky,
But the wXV. 11 slo< 'y,
Or the call (.f a starLled bird.
The dio earth Ilept,
While with vigI :ept
The cod inoon, crescut swung;
And the cill. white Nor;h
Fiurg his )enGns forth,
Andl his golden dipper hung.
And, dunib and still
With, the deadly chill,
The blossoms felt the blight;
And the sentinel corn,
In the dull gray morn,
With the boar-frost glistened white.
To-day, like a dream,
The dull sun beams
Through the purple, misty haze:
And a mirage lies,
Orn the low-bung skies,
Like a gho:t of the summer days.
The echo rings,
And a rush of wings
Of myriads hurrying sontu;
And the nuts fall swift,
Of the leaves adrift
At a breath from his frozen month.
POLIN B gIVBSIIELL
-0
When Tom Black was in his
ourteenth year, he was at school
i a small village in the touth of
j gland, and was as happy a boy
s any fellow ought to expect to
e; and yet on his birthday, when
e was really fourteen, he ran
way to sea.
No one could possibly imagine
by he did this, and, indeed, Tom
imself could give no good reason
r his conduct.
He bad a half-holiday on his
irthday, and he went down to
e seaport toWn of M-, a short
rip from the school, to spend a
w hours and to see tLe ships.
bere be fell in with a recruiting
ffeer, who wvanted some boys for
man-of. war in the harbor, and
om was so much pleased with
he st ories he told of life at sea,
at he went inlo a stationer's
ore, bought some paper and
~rote two notes one to his family
, homne and the other to the mas
r of the school, informing them
lat he had a most admirable op.
>rtu nity of going to sea and
~araing to be a naval officer.
ch a chauce might not occur
gain, and as he had made up his
~ind to enter the navy, any way,
would not be wise to let the op
>rtunity pass. Hle would lose
othing by leaving school now,
rI navigation, mathematics, and
erything that was necessary for
naval officer to know, were
ught on tho ship. Then he
ailed the letters and went on
ard.
When Tom's father and the
aster received these notes, it is
obabie that they would have
~ken measures to get Tom off
at ship in very short order, had
not been for the fact tbat the
esel sailed early the next morn
g after Tom made his appear
ce on her deck, and she was far
t. at sea before Mr. Black and
r. Powers had read their letters.
So there was nothing to be done
Lhome but to hope that things
ould eventually turn out for the
st, and indeed this was what
>mr himself had to do. For lbe
on found that his position- on
e vessel was very dififerent from
hat he had supposed it would be.
stead of being taught~ how to
il the ship, he was taught how
)coil a rope and to hellp w~ash
e deck. He was a ship's boy
t a midshipmran.
When poor Torn found out~ this
mentabie fact, Le made up his
ind that he would run away the
st time the vessel touched a
rt, but woen she did reach a
rt he re-made up his mind, arid
mcluded to stay on board.
By a little observation he found
at it would be. a difficult and
agerous thing for him to try to
n away, and besides he bad no
oney to take him borne. It
ould be better, he thought, to
ay on board the ship, where he
d made some friends, and where
c was.get ting on a tod deal be tter
than any other ship.hoy. For the
under-officers soon found out that
Tom was made of better stuff
than the other boys. atd tiey
c %l ot hnelp hikn ,too, 1:hat
he h:ni bee,t a grea, fool to comeo on!
b.rd in such a position. Bu1
thev did not tell him so, f1r that
Would havo he-ped uo one, and
might have spoiied s very good
ship's boy.
Toni wrote home whenever he
had a chance, and he had soim
long letters from his family, wiileb
wr.Ile .orwaWrded to him- with the
other letters for the ship.
. ut aiter he had teein on board
the Hector about six months, he
gOt a short letter, w hich pleased
him more than anything in the
letter line he had ever recoived.
This told him that as his friends
had become convinced that he was
really very much attached to a
life on the sea, and that as his
officers had reported weil of him,
they bad obtained for him an ap
pointment as widshipman.
'Now Tom was happy. .Now he
would really learn mathematiCs
and navigation, and now he had a
chance to work himself up into a
good position. It would-seem as
if this thoughtless boy had been
rewarded ifor running away from
school, and giving his fainily so
much anxiety arid trouble. But
things sometimes happens that
way, though it does not do to
trust to anly such good fortune.
In afte-years, Tom often regretted
that he had not stayed at school
and finished portions of his edu
cation whieh had to be entirely
neglected on board ship. And he
also had some immediate cause for
repentance, for be found that some
of his companions were very will
ing to joke abovt the ship's-boy
who had come among them, al
though they knew that- he was i
just as much of a gentleman as
any of them.
In about a year after Tom's ap
ontmecnt, war broke out with
Spain, and the Hector was or
ered to the Spanish coast. After
ruising about for a month or two,
she joi.ned with two other British
esseis ini an attack 0on a fort ress on
he shore of the Mediterraniean
ea,. which was at the same time
esieged by a land force.
Early in the morning the three
essels opened fire on .the. fort,
which soon replied in vigorous
fsion, sending bomnbshells and
annon-balls all aro-und them, and
sometimes knocking off a spar or
rashing through some timbers.
But the Hector fared very well.
She was more advantageously
laced than the other ships, and
wile she could readily pour in
er fire on the fort, she received
'wer shots in return than her
onsorts.
But, after a time, the enemy
egan to think that the "ilector"
eeded rather more attenti.on, and
dditional guns were brought to
ear upon her. Now there were
ively times on the lieetor's deck,
nd Tom found out what it was to
e in. a hot fight on board of a
hip.
But the boy was not frightened.
hat was not his nature. He
ushed around, carrying or-ders
ud attending to his duties, very
uch as if he was engaged in a
ousing good game of cricket.
Whbile he was thus .employed,
lump on board came a bombshell,
nd fell almost at the foot of the
ainmast. The fuse in it was
moking and fizzing. In an in
stant more. it would explode and
ear ever-ything around it to
toms!
Several men wecre at a gun near
y, but they did not see the bomb.
heir lives were almost as good as
;rne.
Thbe captain stood just back of
he gun. He saw the smoking
omb, and spraug back. Before
e had time to even shout "Look
ut ?" along came Tom. He was
almost on the bomb before lie saw
It never took Tom long to makei
p his mind. We have seen that. 1
is second thoughts alwvays camne<
p a long way after the first onies.
e gave a glance at the smoking
fuse ; he knew that it was just
bout to explode, and that it<
ol.1 k:'ll nveryhndy round abont
it, and he picced it u'p and ie
it~~ inote a.
W!wn'r the c':pta:in s~awT
sto 1p. an 1 gas4p t bat heat. her
homb in his 'wVo hands; when h
saw him raise it uIp with the fuS
spl!ring i :v tizzing closo to 1i
car-w here, if it had ex plo'ded, i
Voul1!d i:11e !owtn his head il.
p) iec.,s no i"ger than . pea-anI
thCn das; it over the ship's sidt
so that the fuse was, ofeourse, e%
tigiii-sihed the instart it touche<
t h e water. ie was So astonishe<
that he Could iot speak.
IIe made one step, a warnini
cry wls on his lips, but befre hi
could say a word it was all over
When Tom turned, and wa:
about to hurry away on ai
errand that had been so strangel
interrupted, the captain took bin
by the arm.
"My good fellow." said le, an
although he had seen much ser
vice and had been in many a fight
the captain could not help hi:
voice shaking a little ; "my goot
fellow, do you know what yot
have done ?"
"Yes, sir," said Tom, with I
smile, "I have spoiled a bomb
shell."
"And every man in this part o:
the ship owes you lis life," addet
the cantain.
If you should ever meet Captair
Tom Black of her majesty's slii
'Stinger," you might ask hirr
about tbis incident, and he woul
probably tell you that he haE
heard about it a great deal him
selF and that he believes, fron
what happened afterward. thal
it was all over so quickly thal
the affair of the bombshell was
very good thing for him, but thal
he has really forgotten almost all
bout it.
(John Leewes, in St. Nicholas.
A iTelFlanTon.
A T RUTIHIF UL TRIO.
Mark Twain, Nasby and Eli Perkins.
OMArA, Mass., July 41, 1932.
-W hile strolling around Oshkosb
ysterday' I was surprised to meet
two very distinguished and truth
ful individuals. Surprised, I say,
because I supposed these gentle.
men were thousands of miles
zway. These men were Mark
?wain, sometimes called thbe G-reat
I'rutbteller of the Sierras, and
~nd P. V. Nasby, genei-alIy
~nown as the Great Interna
ional Trutbteller at Large from
~he State of Obio. Now, I thbought
Mark T wain was doing missionary
work in iNew Jersey, and I had
>eenl informed that Mr. Nashy had
,one to labor in the temperance
kid in Italy with Mr. Murphy.
Notwithstanding my surprise at
Ieing them, I was glad to have ~
:hance to sit at their feet anid
sear the truth defended.
After we had talked a spell Mr.
lwain laid down his cigar and
.old us about a fast horse he once
wned in Virginia City. Said
"Gentlemen, this horse of ine
vas tough bitted, and he went so
'ast that I had to guide him by
~lectricity-bad to have wire lines
Lnd keep a battery in the wvagon
LI1 the time in order to stop him."
"Why didn't you stop him by
1llering whoa ?" I asked.
"Stop him by hollering whoa !
~xclaimed Mr. Twain. "Why, I
:ould not boiler loud enough to
nake that horse hear me. IIe
raveled so fast that nio sounld ever
-ached him from behind. IIe
ent faster than the sound, sir.
Ioller whioa and he'd be in the
Iext town before the sound of
our voice could reach the dash
>oard. 'Travel fast ?' I should
ay lhe could. W by, I once started
rom Virginia City for M'3adow
reek right in front of one of the
nost dreadful rainstorms we ever
ad on the Pacific Coast. Wind
nd rain ? Why, the wind blew
0 miles 'an hour, and the rain fell
n sheets. I drove right before
hat storm for three hours-just
m the edge of that hurricane and
ainl for 40 miles."
"Didn't you get drenched ?"
"Drenched ? No, sir ! What
lid I keep that fast horse for?
ho, I tell you, I drove rigcht in
d i front (f tiat iain-storm I cou Id
lenn. frward and let the sun
; ine on me. or lean backward
31a1d feel rain and each hai!stones.
C When the har Oienslacked up the
IhWrse slacked up, too, and when
s it bi w faster I just said -G-lk I'
L t e to 1, r:Ci and touched the bat.
I ter, ad avay he wont. Now I
dL't w at u t i(e abou,L Imy- horse
Mr. PermId, and I don't ask you
to believo wvhat I Say ; bit I tell
you truthfully that when I got to
Mleadow Creek my linell duster
was dry as powder. Not a drop
of rain on the wagon-seat either,
while the wagon-box was level full
of hailstones and water, or I'm
Look here, gentlemen," inter
rupted Mr. Nasby ; "speaking of
the truth, did you ever hear
about my striking that man in
Toledo ?"
We said we had not.
"Well, sir, it was ttlis way
There was a man there-one of
I those worldly, skeptical fellows,
-who questioned my varacity one
day. He said he had doubts
about the truthfulness of' one of
- my cross-roads incidents. He
didn't say it publicly, but pri
vately. I'm sorry for the sake of
his wife and family now that he
said it all-and sorry for the man,
too, because he wasn't prepared
to go. If he'd been a Christian it
would have been different. I
didn't want to strike this man,
because its a bad habit to get into
-this making a human chaos out
of a fellow-man. But be ques
tioned my veracity, and the carl.h
quake came. I struck him once
-just once. I remember lie was
putting down a carpet at the time,
and had his mouth full of carpet
tacks. But a man can't stop to
discount carpet-tacks in a man's
mouth, when he questions your
veracity, can he? I never do.
I simply struck the blow."
"Did it hurt the man much ?"
I asked.
"I don't think it did. It. was
too sudden. The bystanders said
if I was going to strika a second
blow they wanted to move out of
the State. Now I don't wa]t~ you
to believe me, arid 1 don't ex
pect you will, but to tell you the
honest truth, Mr. Perkins, I
squashed that man right down in
to a 'door-mat, and his o an wife,
who was tacking down one edge
of the carpet at tbe time, came
right along and took him for a
guttapereha rug, and actually
tacked him down in front of the
door. Poor woman, she never
knew she was tacking down her
own husband! What became of
the tacks in his mouth ? you ask.
Well, the next day the boys pulled
them out of the bottoms of his
overshoes, and-"
"Gentlemen !" I interrupted, "it
does me good to bear such truths.
I believo every word you say, and
I feel that I ought to exchange
truths with you. Now, did you
ever bear how I went to prayer
meeting at New London, Conn.,
in a rainstorm ?"
They~ said they bad not.
"Well, gentlemen," I said, "one
(ay I started for the New London
prayer meeting on horseback.
When I got about half way there,
there came up a fearful storm.
The wind blew a hurricane, the
rain fell in torrents, the lightning
gleamed through the sky, and I
went and crouched down behind a
large barn. But pretty soon the
lightning struck the barn, knock
ed it into a thousand splinters,
and sent my horse whbirling over
into a neighiborin g cor'npatch-."
"Did it kill you, Mr. Perkins?"
asked Mr. Twain, the tears rolling
dowun his cheeks.
"No, it didn't kill me," I said,
"but I was a good deal dis
cou raged.''
"Well, what dlid you do, Mr'.
Perkins ?"
"What did I do ? Well, gentle
men, to tell the honest Con necti
cut truth, I went right out into
the pasture, took off my coat,
bumped up my bare back, and took
eleven chips of' lightning right
on my bare backbone, drew the
electricity all out of' the sky, and
thea got on to my horse and rode
into New London in time to lead
at the evening prayer-meeting."
Arise and sing I
ELI PERKINS.
ALL IN MY EYE.
An Excruciatingly Funny Incident.
Down ill Caroline couniv Md.,
the Ot.er day, as the Rev. \Ur.
WValtoil, of Shepherd's chal, w-ts
e::agi in fePrvet p crayer, a lil
arious worshipper named Marvel
took a quid of tobacco in his hand,
a,. wavtcing lur a favoraue Op
;;ono.tywhen the clergma'
head was thrown back in carl-est
devotiul, let flv the m1oi:t weed,
which struck fair in the fice of
the huian mark. The prayer
suddenly stopped and a scene en
isued, and Marvel was taken be
fore a resident magistrate and
fined $5 costs. This reminds one
that a prominient Southern preach
er has said that the only time he
ever felt like laughing in the pul
pit was when he saw a man in the
gallery drop a quid of tobacco in
the face of a sleeping man in a
pew on the ground floor of the
church.
"Yes," said a venerable Briton,
Cockney of the Cockneyest, to the
writer who had shown him the
item above, "it is getting well on
to fifty years since I saw some
thing like that, and quite as fun
ny, in a London theatre. The
play was 'Richard,' and the Rich
ard was Edmund Kean. The
theater was packed, and every one
in it was under the spell of the ac
tor's magic. The play was al
most over-iin fact they had come
to the tent scene in the fifth act,
where Richard bids Rateliff leave
him, and everybody is preparing
for the rising of the ghosts. Well,
in the front row of the gallery I
could see one admirer of the
drama, fairly wrought up by the
player's passion and expectation,
clenching the front of the gallery
with his hands, and leaning away
out over it, staring downward,
with his eyes protruding and his
mouth opening. Right beneath I
him, in the pit was another ad.
mirer of the drama and the actor,
as intensely wrought upon by the
mimic scene, who, with his mouth
and eyes wide open,-was staring
up ward as in tently. And, just atj
this instant, from the unheeding
jaws of the man in the gallery fell
a tremendous quid. 1 traced its ~
fligh t through the air, and-ker
slap!1-down it comes flat in the
eye of the man in the pit. ~He in
tihe gallery started back, awaken
ed fromi his trance, and his vci,
awakened fr-om his, jumped up,
and, turning to the gallery, yelled,
'1'll give ?5 to any one who will
show me the son of a ses-cook
that dropped his tobacco-quid in
to my eye.' This incident and ex
clamation, as you may naturally
imagine, coming right in the mid.
dle of the extreme tension to
which the audience had been
wrought up, had a tremendous
effect, and every one in the house
fairly shrieked and doubled up b
with laughter-even the actors on t
the stage could not control them
selves-and the -curtain had to
come down. Finally, when every t
one's sides were sore, and the au- o
dience was too exhausted to laugh
any more, it was rung up again
and the play proceeded perilously '
but decorously till Richard, Gates- V
by, Ratcliff, and the others came
on. Then there was a gurgling
giggle heard in one or two quar-.
ters, choked off by a desperate d
effort, till the precise passage was
reached at whbich, a little while
before, the fatal quid had fallen, 14
when simultaneously every soul
present, remembering the ex
quisitely absurd incident, made
one convulsive attempt to restrain
himself and burst out in a roaring
guffaw. The fountains of the great
deep .of merriment were broken
up, and people howled, hugged
thbemselv es, lay back in their seats
and grew apoplectic. Down came t
the curtain again, and, when at
last the audience was worn out, it
was once more raised, and the' d
lay went on. This time all went
nicely, the fatal line was passed,
and thbere was not a snicker, when a
one staid old gentleman in a box,
whbo had never smiled tbrough the
whole ordeal, but had sat in deep c
disgust, having been communing.
with himself all this time, and
having arrived at the conclusion
tat the conduct of the audience
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JOB PR .WING
DONE WITIf \. -SS AND DISPATCh.
TERMS CASH.
was shockingly ridiculouS, solilu
quAzed alud it, a still, smal; voice,
- 1, i :tily audible in the hush,
What f-iok' T. his Lr'ught
k instanly t.ot i >Lhepruceding
ee,plus tihe old genticulull's
meta p and a scream
Wet"t t o w 1:i-i tie oti-rs were
_-ViispSIAT. 'e t-nd -of it was they
hIad to i:(;Vf tILe jay unt:.ish.;d
,ad put oi a iIrce. Yes," said the
>Id genzti::a. reflectively, '-let a
man get a quid of tobacco in the
eye on any particularly solema oe
Dasion, aid the result will be
startling. -Chicago Tribune.
THE NEGRo EMIGRATION.-The
amigration of the Southern negroes to
Kansas can easily be accounted for.
Most of the Southern States are ia a
-ituation approaching pauperism.. Ag.
riculture yields little, and taxation is
intolerable. The carpet-b;aggers have
itolen the people poor; and, as the
iegroes are poorest among them, they
necessarily suffer the.worst of all. In
the hope of improving their condition,
,hey fly from the plundered and iM
poverished soil of their birth.
. Will the change be beneficial ? Will.
the emigrants be better off in Kansas
~han in their old homes ? We think
20t. Persons of extraordinary, energy
Lod ability may gain by the change,
ut the masses will suffer from it.
rhey will find no better opportunities
f employment -in Kansas than in the
states they leave. Whatever their
~xpectations, and whatever pretences
~re held out to them, the people
mong whom they go will be less
'riendly to ward them than those from
whom they have departed; while
he more severe climate and the more
-igorous n.ecessity for industry and
brift will add seriously to their diffi
multies. Their emigration is a mis
ortune and not a blessing to the coun
ry and to themselves.--N. F. SBun.
A SERMoN.-Before our offiee, in
he pleasant sunshine, a considerable
arty of gentlemen, with clean faces
md good clothes, are playing mar
>Ies, while further out on the square,
ld uncle Jeff Whitaker, who fought,
lied and died in Mexico, is patiently
~athering up manure with a spade.
Ic takes up the.smallest particles, and
'ejects no sort ! This is one of the
tartling contrasts of life. We have
ieard of sermons in stones, but this is
sermon in marbles and manure.
[Edgefield Advertiser.
We've read of men who stand
'ver six feet, but have never seen
~ny who stand over more than
wO.
A great many men never think
f having their lives insured antil
hey get married.
It is hard to respect old age
hen we get stuck on a venerable
air of chickens.
All sorrows and joys here are
ut temporary, so aim higher
ban them.
Hie that by the plow would
brive, himself must either hold
r drive.
The weakest spot in every man
Swhere he thinks himself the
nesest.
There is but one thing that is
are here on earth, and that is
eath.
The beauty of the emerald is
>st by an exposure to strong sun
ght.
You should forgive miany things
others, but nothing in your
sif. .
The school buildings of Berlin,
iis., are connected by telephone.
Annna amut ffaxwl
An unusual amount of flax will