The Newberry herald. (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, September 08, 1875, Image 1
A Family Companion,. Devoted to Literature, Miscellany, News, Agriculture, Markets, &c.
Vol. XI. WEDNESDAY MORNING, SEPTEMBER 8, 1875. No. 36.
THE HERALD
IS PUBLISHED
EVERY WEDNESDAY.MORNING,
At Newberry, S. C.
BY THO. F. GRENEKER,
Editor andPFA)prietor.
Terns, $2.50 per .fnum
Invariably in Advance.
r___-e r is stopped at-the.exPirtion of
time for *bih is paid.'
K The mark denotes expiration of sub
scriptiO .
THE HOMESTEAD.
It is not as it used to be
Wienfyou and I werd young,
-When round each elm and maple tree
. The honeysuckles clung;
'But still I love thecottage Where
I passed my early years,
Thmob wt asingle fate is ther
.NafDMu7 endears.
It' a I7to be
The moss is on the roof,
Andkamtierest beneath.the eeas
TiWe*ke ep-aloo
The robins-how they used to sing,
Sa -dg;
abnt thwJM bees. wig
r'ing iow!Ong!
It is not as it used to be!
The voices loved of yore,
Akefo6ithat we were wont to see,
i* se*andhear no more,
oore! Alas! we look in vain
For those to whom we clung,
And.loved as we can love but-once,
henyou '*d I were yoting.
._A
DAYTMA BEREELEY9
-0
The following pleasant Sketeh
which Ae copy from the Washing
tons &nday Herald, is from the
pen of Miss Rebecca Clyde Boyle,
of Washington :
ETHEL DEARING'S CHAP
--- TER
I was very anxious to go to tbe
springs this seasoxx, ut did not.
know how it was to be arranged.
Mother could not leave the small
childr-en,gnd when Uncle John pro
posed that they should - go too I
was not over-gossing on the sub
jeep for 1 have traveled before
with Che children, :and it takes
away half the pleasure. -Johnnie
always gets.bitten by a snake or
- hrwise injured, 'and the waters
never-agree with Mainie, andjuo
theinderstood that just as well
as tidid; so I said, "I will try not
to tliink of it any more." Then'
Un*e.John put down his foot and'
said$"You shall go Ethel;- I will
take.you myself." So here we
are.at Berkeley Springs, we camie
herib0Qaflgit is 'ist Mr rom-'
Washington, and Uncle John can
run down there occasionally and at
tend to his business. Ihbreuegt Se
with me, and she is the best look
ing"maid here; every one notices
her; she is such a light .mulatto,
and:always looks so neat. We'
haie bsen hir-e'some time,
and Uncel ohn h1as been home,
anddleft me' in charge of a married
lady. I had no chdice in the mat
ter.: When I returned from the
bath one morning I found Mrs.
Ford and Mrs. Spite both laying
claims to me, and placing Uncle
John in a most disagreeable posi
tion. I do not know how he
wotild?bave exf,ricated himself had
n ot Mrs. Ford politely resigned
in favor of Mrs. Spite.
I saw such a-handsome man one
nighit on the piazza. -Miss Glass,
who is'hei-e from Baltimore, says
he lives here, and his name is Guy
Channing; she said she knew him
,very-well, and would introduce
him to me ; but as he did not no
tice-her once during the evenin gI
do not think their-m'timacy can be
very great. Margaret Talton is
here. She comes often to see me;
she-is staying at one of the cot
tages. 'The cottagers donot come
to the ho'tehmuc1. Margaret says
they are charming people.; but
Mrs. Spite tells stich queer stories
about some of thler, just :as she.
does& about most every. one ~in
the hotel. But she is so kind, and
sayspshe loves me dearly. Most
of the cottagers have called on
me. Some of them knew mother
when she was here years ago; and
then Margaret asked aill of her
friends to call upon me.
There seemed a fate against my
being introduced to Mr. Channing;
be came up and talked with Mrs.
Spite one morning while I was
with her, and she did not intro
duce us. When .he left I said,
"'Why did you not introduce Mr.
Channing to me?" She told me he
ivas not a proper person for me
light moustache; he has traveled
through Europe and America.
He knows the world thoroughly.
I know Mr. Channing now. Mrs.
Ford introduced us, and he has
told me. almost word for word
what Mrs. Spite said about him.
He is one of those men who seems
to know everything that one thinks
of. Still, if my tender feelings are
'to be trampled upon, I think I
would rather be trampled on by
Guy Channing than any one else.
Margaret Fulton is a charming wo
man and so aristocratic-looking.
She is about medium height; rath
er slight, a pale complexion, clas
sic features, and dark brown hair.
She is very intellectual, and all
the men here, who have any sense,
admire her. Sam Smith, at the
post office, says she receives more
letters than any lady in the vil
lage.
I have had such a nice walk
with Mr. Channing. We did not
go far, because I grew tired, - and
we sat down on a rock. Mr. Chan
ning told me of some of his past
flirtations, none of which w'ere
new to me. I had heard them of
Mrs. Spite, only in a more cold
blooded form. But Guy does not
call them dirtations, he says he
really feels a friendship for all the
girls he . mentioned; and he re
marked:
"I never flirt unless a lady
throws down the gauntlet, then
of course, I take it up."
I wonder if he thought I meant
anything of the kind ? I feel a
little uncomfortable, but I will try
to be~very meek and make a con
flidant of him. Then, perhaps,
he will be merciful. When Guy
and I returned from our walk I
saw Mrs. Spite on 'the piazza,
talking very confi'dentially with
Uncle 'John, and gesticulating
with her jeweled hands.- I feel
convinced we were the subject un
der discussion. As IpassedI heard
her say:
"Yoa had better nip it in the
bud."
The Johnson's are here, and are
to say quite late in .the season.
Every, one likes Miss Johnson,
she is so~ natural and amiable.
Sdme of the girls complain of
the stupidity of Berkeley and de
plore the lack of gentlemen, but
Lydia Johnson makes a joke of it,
arid enjoys everything. She has
explored the entire, n.eighborhood
on foot, has walked to "Lover's
Leap," "'The Sulphur Springs,"
"Fair View;' and contemplates
"dapon Rock." IwishIcouldwalk,
but I always grow -tired and sit
down. Then some of the girls who
are not as amiable as Lydia John
son say it is just an excuse to keep
Guy Channing to myself. Lydia
Jdhnson is tall and handsome, has
a clear, dark complexion, bright
eyes, pretty white teeth, and her
hair is very brown.-I was so amus
ed the night Uncle John returned
frOm 'Washington. He cami to
me-and iid:
"I- want you to come. at once
and-be presented to a lady who
has just arrived. We came over
in. the stage togetlier;"
NIe hurried me off iN the recep
tion-room ,there sat several females
in linen dusters, shabby hats, and
their faces besm.eared with coal
dust. I felt infinitely superior in
my light organdy ribbons. Uncle
Jhn-introduced me to the shabbi
est, blackest,thin nest of the party,
whorr .he called Miss Pecksniff,
"Pheobus, what a name!'' She
bowed stiffly, said she was tired
and sleepy, and wished to go at
once to her room. But she has
never been tired or sleepy since.
She is a friend of Mrs. Spite's and
they are constantly together, they
walk and talk,; and talk and walk,
and then-they stop,-and Mr#. Spite
rolls her -eyes and. waves her
hands, and' every feature in -Miss
Pecksniff's face seems to be con
versing.
Uuele John thinks Miss Peck
sniff is delightful.. He plays crib
bage with her and sends mint ju
leps and cobblei-s to her roomn. 0f
course she is too virtuous to drink
them, excepting as a tonic. What
would mother say if she knew Un
ele John had sent any woman a
bouquet ? I know he did, for
I saw him give one to Ely,
(na of the behll.hoys,) with
his card, and then Miss Matilda
Pecksniff made her appearance in
the evening with a little bunch of
geranium in her hair, and the
same on the bosom of her black
grenadine dress, and she said I
"looked sweetly, and she hoped I
was not going to give people occa
sion to talk about me." Margaret
Fulton says Miss Pecksniff has been
disappointed in love. Margaret
and I go very often to look at the
bathers. Some of the ladies look
very pretty and swim well, others
place themselves beyond recogni
tion. I wish I had the hardihood to
tell Uncle John how Miss Pecksniff
looks in the water. I was standing
with Margaret, looking into the
pool, when an object therein attir
ed in green flannel, her head de
void of braids, turned a lemon
colored countenance toward us and
exclaimed:
"Why don't you come in,
girls?"
I-started back, and Margaret
said:
"Ethel, that is Miss Peeksniff."
Guy Channing has been giving
me a few ideas; he says a lady
should manage to keep two gentle
men in attendance,one to carry her
shawl, book, fan, &c.,. and to go in
search of something she has not
lost, while she talks to the one she
really likes. Perhaps next month
more gentleien will be -here, and
then I will see what I can do.
Now I think "in all the whole wide
world there is but -one." I see
Guy Channing coming through
the office; we are about to have a
walk up the mountain.
ll t1 u.
SPIRIT RIFLE PRACTICE.
The papers contain an account
of a so-callod elaborote investiga
tion of a materialized spirit, which
recently took place in St. Louis,
Mo. The medium was One W.-C.
Clark, who pretends that he has
a bafid-of thirty-two disembodied
spirits about him,' some of which
he can materalize by the odic or
mesmeric force in him. During
this materialization, the medium
was tied up in a closet, and the
room darkened ; when, after a lit
tle while a curtain was withdrawn,
exposing a part of the interior of
the closet, in which then the ghost
or materialized spirit was seen.
As it was suspected that, in this
case, the same kind of deception
was employed as in the Katie
King affair, namely, that a real
person of flesh and blood acted
the role of the spirit, it was sug
gested that a crucial test would
be to fre at the spirit with a
loaded musket,as a real spirit could
not be hurt by such an experiments
Mr. Clark having asserted that his
materialized spirits were.no decep
tions, but real spirits, and could
stand -such a test, he received from
an able marksman the following
formal challehge:
S'T. Louis, Aug. 4, 1875.
MR. CLARK: Dear Eir:-Having
attended a seance given by you,
and having seen the wonderful ma
terializations, I will give you fifty
d~llars to produce one face at the
aperture, if you will let me, or any
person I may name, fire a shot at
it with a rifle. If it is a spirit face
it cannot hurt it, and it will satisfy
me it is not'you with a mask on
your face. My conditions are that
yu will disrobe yourself and put
on clothes I shall produce, and per
mit me to fasten you to the bot
toni of the, cabinet. Yours, res
pectfully, HENRY TIMKENs.
This was accepted by Mr. Clark.
On the appointed evening, August
8, he was divested of all clothing,
and other clothes brought by Mr.
Timkens were put on him; he
was tied down to the bottom of
the cabinet by r o p e s passed
through holes; a black curtain
covered the window at which the
ghost was to appear.; the window
was located on one side of the me
dium ; the string to open this cur
tain was placed within reach of
Mr. Clark. The cabinet was closed
and the lights turned down, and
after a period of painful stillness,
the medium asked the audience to
sing and they did so with a will.
After they had finished sevei-al
songs a loud knocking was heard,
which slowly became more gentle,
en ano amed. A fter.three anar
ters of an hour, during w h i c h
nothing happened but an occasion
al spasmodic knock, a painful cry
was heard in the cabinet, the black
curtain was withdrawn, and a face
appeared at the window. It was
that of a girl with blue eyes and
brown hair. The face was instant
ly seen by all present, and is de
scribed as having fixed features,and
other and characteristics of a mask.
"Fire," said the voice of Mr. Clark
in.the cabinet; and Mr. Timkens,
who had before pointed his rifle at
the oenter of the window, pulled
the trigger, and the ball passed
through the face and lodged in the
back partition of the cabinet;
while the face remained at the
window unmoved for about a min
ute longer, when it was concealed
by the black curtain, which was
drawn over the opening.
The account is very minute in
details about the inspection of the
cabinet, and the ropes with which
the medium was tied; and~ it es
pecially reports all which the lat
ter said concerning his fatigue
and the emanation from his own
spirit and the other spirits he con
trols; but no means appear to
have been taken to get hold of the
mask, which was doubtless the
thing used.
The same parties (the Holmes')
who. exhibited the Katie King
materialization in Philadelphia
were recently exposed in Brook
lyn, where a company of spiritual
ists themselves found out the de
ception practiced,by masks, which
were exhibited before a curtained
window; as at St. Louis. Such a
mask, of course, would not be hurt
much by a ball; but there are other
more scientific methods of prac
ticing these deceptions; such. as
opticale contrivances, -which .can
be mad to give images which
are perfectly visible and- totally
intangible.
Any one who has seen the per
fect illusions produced by the ste.
reopticon, which is nothing but an
iniproved magic lantern, or with
the megaseope, by which the per
fect image of solid bodies may be
thrown on smoke, vapor, or dust,
can understand that the so-called
materialization trick can be easily
performed by such. means. Such
an image, falling on a black cur.
tain;is invisible; but on a . white
translucent smnoke, its resemblance
to a real body is such that it is
next to impossible to distinguish it,
except by an investigation during
the exhibition of the image; the in
vestigator placing his head' in the
opening, and looking around to
see where the machine is, from
which the light forming the image
proceeds.
Persons acquainted with these
and similar resources, of physical
science, which are ~increased in
number and improved almost dai
ly, are of course utterly impotent
to investigate the means by whiIch
tricks of this kind .are practised ;
and their conclusions as to the ab
sence .of: any- deception: are of no
account: whatsoever. The above
is only one of many illustratiQns
of caaes where: the:nature -of the
deception remains -undiscovered,
simply from' the deficiency of
knowledge and acuteness of.those
witnessing the performance.
-[&Sientfice American.
A New ,Tersey editor wrote a
long article entitled, 'Why are wo
men delicate?t' and marked it 'No.
1.' Then -he went home and.
threw .his overceat over the
lounge; in the inside, pocket of
which, after - a brief exploration,
his wife found a letter which con
cluded in those words: 'Don't let
your skinny old wife see this.
Ever your Maggie.' Tben she
seized a poker and chased her tal
ented husband 11 times . around
the house before she knocked him
down the area steps. It is thought
that No 2 of 'Why are women del
icate ?' will never be written.
It is a notable fact that while
not one ex-president is living, the
wives offive of them survive-Mrs.
Polk, Mrs. Fillmore, Mrs. Tyler,
Mrs. Linco1n, and Mrs. Johnson.
Troubles are like 'dogs, the
smaller they are the more they
annoy you.
FLOWERS.
Who does not love flowers, and
joyfully welcome them in the
spring as they greet us after their
long rest? I think very few can
truthfully say that they do not.
'What a variety of flowers we
have all the time! The snow has
hardly gone before the trailing
Arbutus comes to us, and after
wards the violet, anemone, and
hundreds of others.
The violet has a peculiar.signifi
eation in France. It is said that
iduis Napoleon was a great admi
rer of this flower, and that when
4.iounded by enemies he was
able to distinguish his friends by
the violets which they cautiously
exhibite'd. When Eugenie had
4ecided to accept his offer of mar
Piage, she appeared before him in
*.violet costame, violets in her
band and at her throat, and this
was:her only answer.
Napoleon the First also selected
this as his favorite flower. How
ever deeply he was agitated in
mind,. a bunch of violets or some
other simple flower would always
calm him. He planted violets pro
fqsely upon Josephine's grave, and
after his own death kind hands
laced them upon his coffin.
Even the most common flowers,
and those which are the most des
pised, are not only very beautiful,
but some of them have been pro
ductive of 'gr6at good.
The,thistle was once instrumen
til in saving Scotland. It was in
a'tipe-of wariard the Scots,. all
uaenscions of the approach of
th.bmy. vrp-quietly ~sleeping.
The enemy came nearer, and just
asjsucs. semed., almost certain
or1 *of them steppednpon a this
tl9 and involua-11#erid ont, for
pain. The Scots heard his cry
and by greattsaertion-sved their
country.
Besides these beautiflul wild
flowers we have many celebrated
ones that demand an equal' notice.
The rose was held in high estima
tion by the ancients. Cleopatra,
at a feast which she gave in hon
or'of Mark Antony, had the floor
covered with aoses to the depth
of two cubits. Heliogabalus, at an
entertainment -given by himo, -or
dered not only the floor of the
banquet room and the floors of the
halls leading to it to be covered
with 'roses, but caused roses to be
showered down upon the guests
in such qunantities that many of
them were suffocated, being unable
to extricate themselves f r o mn
them.
Among the fowers which bright
en our homes in the winter, the
principal one is the geranium.
The greatestatesman Fox, always
had one of these plants in his win
dow, and'loved it because it was
his mother's favorite flower.
Flowers are also brought to our
notice in the Bible. Solorion lik
ens Christ to the Rose of Sharon,
and Christ himself says, "Consider
the lilies of the field, how. they
grow; they toil not neither do they
spin. And yet I say, unto you,
that even Solomon in all his glory
was not tarrayed like one of
these.". .
We cannot be. thankful enough
for these little blessings for
God might have made the earth bning'forth
Enough for great and small,.
The oak tree and the cedar tree,
Without a flower at all.
"We might have had, enough, enough
For every wan:-of ours;
Fr:luxury, medicine and toil,
And yet have had no flowers.
"Our outward life requires them not;
Then wherefore had they birth ?.
To minister delight to man,
To beautify the earth.
"To comfort man--to whisper hope
Where'er his faith Is dim;
For whoso careth for the flowers
.Will much more care for him."
AGATHA RoycE.
A shopkeeper purchased of an
Irish woman a quantity of butter,
the lumps of which, intended as
pounds, he weighed in the balance
and found wanting. "Shure it's
your own fault if they are light,"
said Biddy, in reply to the com
plaints of the buyer, "it's your
own fault, sir, for wasn't it with a
poufld of your own soap I bought
here myself that I weighed them
with ?" The shopkeeper had no
thing more to say on that sub
SHE WANTED IT IN RED
TYPE.
Soon -after noon yesterday, a
very fat woman, "going on fifty
years old," toiled up the four pair
of stairs, rested her breath awhile,
and then wanted to see the "head
reporter."
"I am all alone in this world,"
she commenced, as she sat down
and pulled out her handkerchief.
"A widow, eh ?" queried the head
reporter.
"Yes, a poor striving widder,
whose husband has been dead these
fourteen years."
"Death is a sad thing madam.
It crushes hopes, severs ties, and
breaks hearts."
"He was such a good man !" she
sobbed, covering her'face with her
handkerchief, "and such a good
provider. We allers had meat,
and taters, and vmod, and pre
serves; and do you know he nev
er gve me an unkind word ?"
"He must have been an excellent
man."
"He was-he was. He'd git up
nights and cover up the children,
and shake down the stove, and if
his meals wasn't ready, or he
found buttons off his shirt, he'd
never open his head."
"And your grief is yet strong,.
your sorrow just as deep ?"
"Just the same as the day he
lay dyin' and took my hand, and
whispered, 'Cortilda, don't take
on so.' Yes, I'm grieving just the
same, or I wouldn't care what
folks said. That's what brought
me up here-folks are talking
about -me."
."They are, eh?"
"Yes, they are. They've said
that, I was after a widower;
that I fell in love with one of the
boarders; that I was keeping up
correspondence with an underta.
ker, and that I was dead in love
with a dozen men."
"And is it not true ?"
"True, young manI look at mel
Great heavens! do I look like one
who wanted to get married?"
"Well, n-o."
"How could I marry again ?"
she exclaimed. "How could I for.
get that dear form beneath the
sod and smile on another man ?
Marry! Great stars, young man !
but how could they start such
stories ?"
"And you want them denied ?"
-"That's it. Here's ten cents,
and I want you to come out to
morrow.in a piece so long, and
say I'll prosecute these slanderers
if these stories don't cease. Put
it in red type, mister-in red
type and big letters at that; a
Detroit widder can't escape the
vile slanders, no matter how well
s he behaves. I marry again !
think of it, young man !"
"But widows often do remar
ry."
"Alars! they do, young man.
Somehow it seems lonesome to be
a widder, and have no one defend
you, and'be all alone, but-but I
couldn't think of taking another
husband-not unless he was rich !"
And she wiped her eyes again,
and felt her way down stairs.
[Detroit Free Press.
Hrs VIEW OF THE CASE.-A man
who dropped two cents' worth of
mail matter into the post office
box at Detroit, and had to pay six
cents to do it, went over and stood
by one of the windows and said :
"'May Hannibal Hamlin, of Maine,
and Alexander Ramsey, of Minne
sota, have the bilious colic, the
ague, the gout, the jaundice, corns,
buions, boils, and the buckwheat
scratches, from this day noon for
the next fifty years to come.
This is the method of genius,
to ripen fruit for the crowd by
those rays of whose heat they
complain.
In a Scotch court recently a wit
ness swore to the identity of a
chicken from the resemblance to
its mother.
A street car propelled by com
pressed air has been successfully
tested at Glasgow, Scotland.
Virtue, though in rags, may chal
lenge more than vice, set off with
all the trim of areatness.
AN ELEPHANT PICKS A
YOUNG WOAN'S
POCKET.
On Tuesday the entire popula
tion except a blind woman and
Rouse, went over to see Queen's
great show and have a nice time
A young lady from across'the Jer
sey took her suitor and an opera
glass. The young lady says she
though! the performance real ro
mantic until she stopped to see the
elephant.
She wore one of those pockets
behind in which, besides her hand
kerchief, she had deposited an ap
ple, a handful of peanuts, quarter
of a pound of gum-drops, a little
bottle of ammonia,andsome other
trifles. She and her swain, after
admiring the complexion of the
huge beast, tuined their backs
upon him to watch the monkeys
and the live kangaroo, and gaze
into each other's eyes; to do this
t h e better they leaned back
against the rope which inclosed
the stately monarch, who saw the
apple protruding from the pocket
of the unconscious fair one. He
hesitated a moment and-was lost
to all sense of honor or self-respect,
for witfi shaffling movement he
emulated the example of our com
mon mother, plucked and ate the
fruit, returned to the pocket and
scooped out the gum-drops and pea
nuts,with asly wink at his nephew,
who was looking on with anxiety
at the proceeding. But. in the last
mouthful the majestic beast took
in the ammonia bottle by mistake,
the cork came out, and about an
ounce of bartshorn ran down the
throat of the greedy beast. This
beverage is said to have a reviving
and stimulating influence and in
this case it proved..its power, .for
a more revived elephant was never
seen on earth. With a wild yell
he grabbed the protuberance be
hind the lady which had been the
cause of his disaster; she was
"pulled back" some before, but as
the exasperated trunk yanked at
the bustle and accessories, all for
mer attempts at that style of wear.
ing gear seemed pale and sick
ly; everything was "pulled back"
until the young woman looked
like the statue of Niobe in blue
calico. The young man with great
presence of mind shouted "shoo,"
and .the gentlemanly clerk of the
elephant, with a long prod persua
ded the boast to let up. But the
fun was.over for the day; cake had
no charms, end soda no balm for
these two souls, who walked home
with but a single thought about
wild animals.-Correpondence of
the Kansas City Time.
WRONG KIND OF A SHIRT.
It was a respectable looking
colored man who brought his
washing home.
"Your wife is a good washerwo
man, isn't she ?" said the young
bachelor to the polite and obse
quious man.
"Yaas, sir, she commonly always
give sati'faction," replied the hus
band of the laundress.
"Well," resumed the young bach
elor in his blandest and most in
sinuating manner, "You can tell
your wife that I esteem her very
highly as one possessing many
womanly and christian virtues, a
domestic gem and household or
nament, a social luminary and
moral beacon, an exemplary chris
tian, a gentle, loving wife, a wash
erwoman among ten thousand,and
altogether lovely, hut there's one
objection."
"What's dat, ear?" inquired the
smiling African, who had been
showing two rows of spotless ivo
ry and a cavernous opening of the
head, while his wife was being so
extravagantly eulogized.
"What's dat, boss ?"
"She puts all the starch in my
socks, and none in my shirts; she
washes or irons all the buttons off
and forgets to replace them; ex
changes my clothes for those of
some other patron, and if you'll
look at this (holding up a gar
ment,) you'll see how inconven
ient it would be to- wear either
pantaloons, cuffs or collars with.
such a- shirt as she sometimes
sends me. It may be that she
cuts off the arms and collars.Ao
make the tail longer, but I Can't
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see what the deuce she should
want to ruffle the edges for."
The darkey looked a little dis
gusted* as he wrapped the gar
ment up to take it home, but he
only said; "Idea sending a man
dat kin' o' shirt I"
[Vicksburg Herald.
JOSH BILLINGS ON "DIS
PEPSKY."
I have been a practical dispep
tik for 27 years and fout months,
and it would have been munny in
my pocket if I had been born
without enny stummuck.
I have prayed upward of one
thousand times to be on the iA
side like an ostrich, or a traveling
colporter.
I have seen traveling colporters
who could eat as much ae a
goose.
I have seen a goosb eat till they
could not stand up enny more,
and then set down and eat sum,and
then roll over and eat s4m more.
I have tried living on filtered
water and going barefoot for the
dispepshy and-that didn't hit the
spot.
I have soked at water cure es
tablishments until I wus so limber
that I kouldn't get myself bak
again inside av my Baldwin appa
rel.
I bought a saddle horse once,
who was got up expressly to kure
the dispepshy in 90 days or kill
the horse.
He was warranted -to trot hard
er than a trip-hammer, pull wuss
er on the bits, and stumble safer
down hill than enny other hoss on
the fuit-stool.
I rode the hoss until I was ov
a jelly, and then sold him bridles
and all, for sixty-ei'ghs dollars,
and got sued, by the purchaser,
and had to pay him 90 dollars and
sum sents damage because the hoss
had the "Nimshys," a disseaze I
kna nothing about.
The hoss and fixings cost me 450
dollars in gold.
I kontracted eleven cords of
hickory wood, krdss grained, and
as phull of wrinkles as an old
cow's horn and sawed away three
months on it and the pile seemed
to grow bigger every day.
I finally gave away the saw and
what wood there was left to save
my life and sat down discouragad,
a square victim to the everlasting
dispepshy.
I have lived at the seaside and
gamboled in the saline flood until
I was as a niumber one salt mak
rol.
1 have dwelt at Saratoga, and
taken the water like a mill-race
and still the dispepshf.
I have walked 2 miles before
breakfast, and then et a slice ov
dry toast and half ov yelk of a
pullet's eg, and felt all*the time az
weak as a kitten that has just cum
out ov aft.
I have laid down more than 2
thousand times, and rolled over
once a minnit all night long, and
got up in the morning like akorpse,
and there didn't nothing seem to
ail me enny where in partielar.
I have read whole libarys on the
stummuck and liver, and when I
got thru, I knu a great deal less
what was the matter ov me than
when.[ begun.
I hay drunk whiskee with roots
in it enough to carry off any
bridge orsaw-mill dam in the coun
try.
I hay worked on a farm for my
vittles and board, and dieted on
fried pork and ri bread until I was
as thin as the sermon ov a 7 day
Baptist preacher.
I have dun all these.things, and
10 thousand other things just as
ridikulus, and I have got the old
dispepsby yet just as thick as the
pimples on a four year old goose.
If you get a good hoIt ov the dis
pepsby once, you can't never lose
it entirely ; it will cum around
once in a while like a ghost, and
if it don't scare you so much az it
did once, and make you think you
are going to die to-morrow, it will
make you feel just as sorry.
, ~.