The Newberry herald. (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, February 19, 1873, Image 1

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

Vol. IX. WEDNESDAY MORNING, FEBRUARY 19, 1873. No.7. fHE HERALD IS PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY MORNING, At Newberry -. H., BT THOS. F. GRENEKER, Editor and Proprie:or. Terms, $2.50 per Jnnum, Invariably in Adrar.ce. 37 Th paper is stoped at the expiration of time for which it is paid. C The o mark de:ote. expiratiou of sub scriptiun. Colleges and academies. Williamston Female CoIlege, net ZJ The Spring Sessiont Oenis February Wd 1873. Rates per Session of 2) weeks, I ADVA\CF.. Board, excluding washing and li;;hts, 7V.00 Regular Tuitio.-, includi;:g Latin. Greek, and Vocal Music.. 10.m) to 25.60 Instrumental Music_. 2o.00 Williamiston is a quiet, up-country village, near the mountains, on the Gre,nville and Columbia Railroad. iS riles from Newber rv. The Institution is non-sectarian, de pending for its support upon its own ier its, and earnestly laboring to elevate the standard of Female Education. The Annual Vacation occurs in the win ter, so tht pupils have the benefit of a tsummer residence near the Celebratea Viliamston .Chalybeate Spring, thus improving ti e'r health while prosecu ting their studies. No:.-I wi! leave Columbia on Satur day morning. Feb. 1, to escort to William ston any pupils who may meet me either th-re or on'the way. For a Catalogue, address REV. SAMUEL LANDER. A. M., .1, 1-2. Presii nt. DutL IAA This is, as to its present organiz-tion, the oldest Female College in the State. An able and experienced Teacher of Mu sic and the Modern Ltguages, has recent ly been added to the Faculty, in the person of Dr. Henry Anisausel, of Geneva, Swit zerland. The advantages are equal to the best and tle expenses as reasonab!e as those of any good Institution. Over one hundred (100) pupils are now preseit. There is room for a few rOre. Apply at once to J. 1. BONNER, P:es., Due West, Abbev;ile Co., S. C. Jan. 29, 4-1m. . P. PIFER, M . A., : : : Principal. Miss FANNIE LEAVELL, :: Assistant. Prof. F. WEREE, : : Musical Dep't. TtIE Exercises of thme above School will be resumed on TUESDAY, 7th JANUARY, Tuition from $12.5Q to $22.50) per Session. Paid in advance or satisfactorily secured. Pupils will be charged from date of ent trance to the end of the Session. No re duction except in cases of protracted ill ness. Plain, substantial boarding can he ob tained with the Principal at Sl5 per month. For particulars, &c., apply to S. P. BOOZE R, Es.q., See. B'd. COL. S. FAlR, Pres't. Jan. 1, 1--tf. .Dru~gs. GERMAN Invaluable in Teethxing, and Summer Comn plaints of Children. Cures DIARR HG A, DYSENT ERY, COLIC, And other Diseases, incident to the period of Dent!itionm. Unlike thme "Soothinz Syrups," now so widely, used, this CORDIAL contatins NO ANODYNE, Or other injurioue Drug. It is comn posed of the very best materials, and should be found in every Nursery. The best physi cians reco:mnmend it. MANUFACTURELD BY Dr. H. BAER, CHARLESTON, S. C gy For sale by MOTTE & TA RRANT, Newberry, S. C. May :3, 13-tf. CUdertaking. C. M. HARRIS, Cabinet Maker &Undertaker. Has on hand and will make to order, Bed steads, Bureads, Wardrobes, Safes, Sofas, Se ttees, Lounges, &c. Cabinet Work of all kinds made and re paired on liber.m! terms. HIas on han:i a full supply of' Metalic, Ma hugny and Rosewood Barial Cases. Coffins matde to order at short notice, and hearse supplied. Oct 9 40 tt. MARTIN HARRIS. THlE SUBSCRIBER has constantly oc hand a full assortment of the above approved cases, of different patterns, besides coffins of his own nmake, all of which he is prepared to furnish at very r.?asonable rates, with promptness and despatch. Persons desirous of haing cases sentby railroad will have them sent free of charge. A Hearse is always otn htand and will be furnished at the rate of Slo per day. Thankful for past patronage, the sub scriber respectfully asks for a continuation of thte same, andt assures the public that no effort ont his part will be spar to render thte utmost satisfaction. A. C. Chd2MAN Newberry S. C., July 31. Music Given Away. We will order "P:as' McstcAL. MONT z.Y" to be sent for otne year to any one who. wili ~:,d u- "ve ubscribers to our paper. T.ittk of it !You can get at lea:t Sixty B.aan:iful Sontgs. Duets, and Ghoruses, and f--on fiftv :o sixty Piano pieces, worth at lea.s: t 4, by seeding us five subscribers to ou pmpe. Feb. 5. 5-tf. TILL DAYBREAK. Away to her, fresh morning breeze, Uplift and blow aside Her snowy cirtain, and with ease Approach her undenied. And lightly kiss her mouth and eyes, And lightly lift her hair, And blow about her where she lies This scent that fills the air. Of apple.blossomls sweet, tilat she May, waking, long to know What newly-flowering shrub or tree Sweetens the morning so. And past the cloudy curtain there Lean forth, perhaps, to see, Sweet, fresh and fair, and unaware, Be seen herself by me! TILL MOONRISE. 'Tis long, long after sunset, And cloudless is the sky, Yet strangeiy Jaint the stars are, And strangely faint an I ; Behind the hiding mountain They krow the moon is near And shining at her window Soon will my Love appear. -From.The Al-line for January. 1Y GHRIST]WAS 000E. HOW IT WAS COoKED. CHAPTER I. HOW I GOT IT. It was the day before Christmas Day, and the warehouse had just been- closed, and I was going home ward to Simpole street, which, I am aware, is not in the most aristo cratic quarter ofthe town ; but I am fond of it to this day, for it was there that Annie and I learn ed to be very happy on a small annual income. Well, the warehouse had been closed, and I was turning into Denman road, when some one slapped me on the back, and a voice gave torth, "Why, Tom, my lad, it's a long time since last I saw you; where have you been all these years ?" I turned half round, and beside me stood a rather tall fellow, not very well dressed, and with a countrified manner, whom at first I could not recognize, but be see ing my confused look, continued "Well, L'm blest, don't you remem ber the old farm-house, and the lane, and the church with the crooked steeple, and" -- "And how are you, Joe ?" 1 broke in. "What a numbskull I must be not to remember my old schoolmate, Joe Twining! How is the old place getting on ? "Getting on !" he echoed ; "nay, it has not got on five inches these twelve years that you have been away. Get on? It has not the power for any such exertion; it just sticks there as if it had been "founded upon a rock," and a con foundedly barren rock into the bargain ." As he was going in my direction, we joined company, and he told me all the village news-that his old sweetheart had jilted him and gone off, whither, nobody seemed to know. "But they do say the young squire could say something respecting her, if he would, for you know he had to leave college on account of some such scrap)e. He had used to pass her father's pretty frequently at one time; but, latterly, he has not had quite so much business in that neighbor hood." "You had better suspect me, Joe," I said. "You know, when we were lads, we'vo often quarreled as to who should carry her school books-poor Lizzy !" I"Suspect thee, Tom ?-nay, nay ; I'd almost as soon suspect myself. But we will drop thbe subject if you have no objection ; it is not a very pleasing one to me. But if I do find out the right man" We had now arrived at the cor ner- of Simpole street, and I stop ped and held out my hand. "Won't you come and have a glass with me,just for old acquaint ance sake?" said he. "My! it is cold." It was cold, and so thinking that both Annie and my tea could wait a fe w minutes, I thankfully accepted the invitation. "Come along," ho resumed; "I have some friends who keep a smais tavern in Turner street; that's the next street but one, ain't it ?" "Yes." "Then, unless you have some preference, we'll go there. They are very decent people, though they only keep a small house, and they sell very good stuff." So along Turner street we went, and entered a rather dingy hostel ry, laving a frontispiece of white paint, daubed at random on a black ground. I followed Joe into the bar parlor. Eight or ten men were talking, smoking and play ing cards before a large fire; they welcomed Joe as an old acquaint ance. The landlady soon after entered the room. "Mesthur Twining," she said, addressing Joe, "we're goin' to have a raffle for that goose," pointing to one that hung in a corner of the room. "Will you try yore chance, or will yore friend hev a shillin's worth?" Joe declined-said that he was not a married man ; but I had not yet bought my Christmas dinner, and knew that I should have to provide one. Moreover, if I won the goose, it would certainly be cheap; while if I lost a shilling is nothing to cry about, so I paid my shilling and inouired at what hour the raffle was to take place. "Nine o'clock, an' its aftber eight now," said mine hostess; "you'd better stay till it' o'er." "Very well, bring me some more ale," I replied. Joe and I now began to talk of school days and our juvenile com bats which often had been the means of giving each of us a swollen nose, pair of black eyes, not to mention the sound thrash ing that, from our respective fathers, invariably followed our encounters. Soon, one of Joe's friends proposed that we should join him at a hand of "all fourst' and accepting his offer, just to pass away the time till nine o'clock, we ordered some more ale, and sat down to cards. The impression left on my mind by that game of cards is, that Joe and his friend were always winning, while I, on tbe other hand, was always losing; but the two praised my p!aying so highly, and said with such earnestness that I should ruin them, that I could not but believe their statement that I had won nearly every game. Once or t wice we were almost quarreling over some point of the game, but we recovered our tempers, and on ac count of these slight interruptions became the more thoroughly jovial and affectionate. AL last the clock struck nine, and when our hostess made her appearance, bearing a large basin, we left our cards and the whole party got around her like so many liens about to be fed. It would be needless to recoun t in detail - the dicing-for two ivory cubes were the appointed judges upon whose decision the fate of the goose de pended-suffice it that I chanced to throw double sixes. "And a fine cheap bird it is; plenty of people will have to spend a vast deal mnore' nor that's cost you for their dinners," said one of the losers. "And not every one who has spent a shilling has had the good fortune to get a goose for it," said another. As I handled the noble bird and it was very plump and fat I bccame thoroughly happy.. Here,.indeed, was a present such as any wife ought to be glad to receive just before Christmas D)ay. How Annie would stare when I should gravely inform her that it only cost a shilling. In my delight I hugged Joe, and tried to do the same to the landlady ; being foiled' in this I turned to the party, ask. ed them to order something to drink, promising to pay tbe score, $nd persisted in shaking hand with each person in the room. Uip to that moment, I fancy that they had drunk nothing more expensive than beer; but, at my invitation, wine became in full requisition, and I was by all stated to be a jolly good fellow, and one who deserved success in life. After some time spent in doing something-I don't know what I said something to somebody here again memory fails to record oither the anibient or the nergo.. and somebody knocked me down, giving rme a black eye, after which I became filends with everybody, and said. it was getting tea time and I must go home. I have some sort of recollection of trying to persuade the goose to come home with me, an.d, on its refusal, of' calling it an old fool, and threaten ing to carry it, if it wouldn't walk. It did not seem disposed to comply with my wish, so I carried it. The goose was heavy; I had grasped it by the head, its neck being on my shoulder and its body swinging against my back. I eculd hardly hold it; it made me halt at every step, and the motion of its wings caused me to walk from one side of the road to the other in a very peculiar manner, until at length, quite exhausted, I full at full length on my own door step. Of what followed I have no knowledge; but when I awoke next morning I found myself in bed, and Annie in one of her worst tempers, and when I attempted to appease her anger by telling her of the cheap goose, she called it a nasty slutchy thing-and it is true that the bird was rather muddy and, somehow, I got a dreadful cold. CHAPTER II. HOW WE COOKED IT. Th. week before Christmas was rapidly passing away, Saturday had become "to-day," and I was not sorry that the week was so nearly over. I had asked Annie's pardon, and it had been given me -not that I had dore any action that required forgiveness-not that I had been drunk or any way near it-I knew well that all night had passed without my being in the least intoxicated. Certainly I may have spent rather more money than we could well afford. But all my knowledge was of no avail; Annie had settled in her mind that I had been drunk, and, in consequence, she was in a bad humor, and seemed very un happy ; so in order to bring about our old state of happiness and quiet~comfort, for the sin of drunk enness I asked and obtained par don. During the week I had been "counting cost," and found that my estimate of the price paid for my goose had been considerably below the reality. for on reckon ing may cash I discovered that that evening had caused in it a diminution to the extent of twenty shillings, whereas had Annie and I gone to market an outlay of from four to six shillings would have procured a goose, in every way equal to the one that now hung in the celler. Therefore, I could not but consider that the goose had cost fourteen shillings more than its value, and in addition to this I caught cold, of which I had some difficulty in ridding my sell. It was Christmas Eve-the goose-"m y goose" Annie would persist in calling it-wvas roast ing before the fire; this was the last item of our Chiristmas dinner, and, of course, it would be the chief; all the others had been cooked and laid aside, so that on the morrow we could go to church without any fear of finding burnt pies or sooty gravy awaiting us on our return. Every one knows that there are a thousand andone never failing rem edies for a cold; and the morning had made me acquainted with one to which I had hitherto been a stranger. A friend, seeing my con dition, had prescribed two wine glasses full of raw brandy boiled, and I had decided upon taking alike his advice and the brandy. Annie and I were seated one on each side of the fire-she watch ing the goose-I, the brandy, whbich was in a small saucepan on the fire. The goose hissed in a pleasant, if not melodious manner, while the cat on the boiler purred a monotone accompaniment, keep ing time with her tail. "Just a quarter of an hour, and your goose will be beautifully done," said the wife. But she was not quite correct, for the goose wvas done in less time than she imagined. Hardly five minutes had elapsed, when a mouse stole along by the wainscot board: nna made 2. anin 'fdr. ward, knocked against the sauce pan handle-over went the sauce pan into the goose-tin, some of the brandy caught fire by coming in contact with the hot bars, the fire was communicated to the iat from the goose, and before we fully; comprehended what was taking place, our Christmas goose was hissing derisively at us from behind a buckler of flame. Aanie screamed-I look amazed; and I fancy that I used bad language. Happily, there was nothing inflammable close by the goose-tin ; but before we could ex tinguish the fire, our goose-"my goose"-was cooked-to a cinder. WOOL AND WOOL PRoDucrs. The wool product of the coun try in 1871 was set down at 146, 000,000 pounds, and the imports during the same period exceeded 78,000,000 pounds. The clip for the present year, if* the latest statistics may be relied on does not much exceed 100, 090: 000 pounds. The losses by the fire in Boston, taking all woolen goods and reducing the whole to raw material, are said to have been equal to the destruc tion of 40,000, 000 pounds, but this is probably an exaggeration. Previous to the fire there was a surplus of woolen goods in the country and this is one.aeason why manufacturers sought to fo r , o down tLe price of the last clip. Fai mers, how':'-r chose to hold, except those who were sagacious enough, or whose necessity caused them to sell at, or contract before, sheariug time. The reaction being, decided, it is not improbable that wool will continue to bring remun erative prices during the whole season. BANES AND ANTIDOTES OF Do MESTIc LIFE.-The banes of do mestie life are littleness, falsity, vulgarity, harshness, scolding, vo ciferation, an incessant issuing of superfluous prohibitions and or ders, which are regarded as imper tinent interferences xith the gene ral liberty and repose, and are provocative of rankling or explo ding resentments. The blessed antidotes that sweeten and enrich domestic life are refinement, high aims,great interests,soft voices,qui et and gentle manners, magnani mous tempers, for bearance from all unnecessary commands of dicta tion, and generous allowances of mutual freedom. Love makes obo dlience lighter than liberty. Man wears a noble allegiance, not as a collar,but as a garland. The graces are never as lovely as when seen waiting on the virtues; and where they thus dwell together, they make a heavenly home. [The Friendship of Women. DEATH OF THlE NOBLE YOUNG MAN. -A young man in Indianapolis re cently determined to abandon the use of tobacco. He was told that iced drinks Wvould diminish his hankering for the weed. So on' the first day he drank three gallons of iced water, and still feeling a desire to smoke, he add ed two qluarts of cold buttermilk. He went to .bed with the cheerful conviction that he had conquered his craving, and so he had. The next day he did not desire to smoke at all, for the simple reason that he was dead. The iced water, the iced buttermilk, the abandonment of his cigar, and two doctors who were called in consulta tion, proved to be too much for the noble young man. FATAL RAILROAD ACCIDENT.-Two fatal accidents occurred on Saturday, at Shelton, on the Spartanburg and Union Railroud. Charles Oglesby, in attempting to get on the train, made a misstep and falling, was dragged to the trestle beyond the station, when he fell through, a distance of forty feet, striking a piece of timber below, caus ing death in about an hour. On the sanme day Robert Burns, colored, fell from the bridge at Alston into the river and was drowned. An inquest was held by S. W. Raff, Coro ner, and a verdict rendered in accord ance with the fact. A mischievous boy in Oil City,recent ly, put some nitro-glycerine in his sister's bustle when she was going out skating. He is now an only child. Newbern is to have a "Shadow Ball," that is the dancers are to wear iFox THE HIRALD. MOUNT PLEASANT, S. C., February, 1873. MR. EDITOR: We have fully come in for our share of cold weather, which has been the severest experienced in this section for a number of years not only bitter cold, but of a longer continuance than any spell most of us can remember. As a consequence, our Truck Farmers began to be very uneasy, and to wear rather lugubrious faces, but, though the early Peas 1 which had ventured above ground have been cut down in some cases, it is not believed that any very serious c or permanent damage has been done so early in the season, and the fact of the cold occurring so soon, induces the hope that the greater proportion has already come, and that chances of a favorable Spring are to be looked for. This is a desideratum "greatlyi to be wished," and would do much to t enable vegetable growers to make up t the losses of last season, the results of which were not encouraging, especially t to an enterprise almost in its incipien cy. I have not heretofore mentioned the improvements effected by the pro prietors of "Fogarties Book Deposito ry," in the Bend of King Street-the great resort of the ladies, and of many who have the time to avail themselves of the facilities and accomm,.dations furnished by the courteous gentlemen who conduct the business. The store has been lengthened sev-1 enty feet, with skylights above, which last arrangement has greatly aided in lighting the building-a great help to the readers whose eyes want aid, and improving the effect of the whole. The Circulating Library has been re moved to the rear, is well supplied with all the newest publications of the day, and is well patronized, especially by the ladies. The tables supplied with all the leading magazines, offer very tempting inducements to spend an spare hour. and in the constant stream of visitors many opportunities occur of meeting with acquaintances from various sections of the country, and in forming pleasant associations with new ones. On the second floor are the rooms of the "Pro. Episcopal Society, for the Advancement of Christianity in So. Ca.," in which the Library is located. This is a very old and valuable Socie ty, well known and justly popular throughout the State, which has done much in former years, and yet in re duced means from the results of the war, is doing a great deal, and work ing nobly in "building up the waste places of Zion." On the third floor the "Clerical Union" have their neat and comfort able apartments, where the clergy of all denominations hold their weekly meetings; a pleasant interchange of good feeling and brotherly association, which must do much to develope a true Christian spirit and charity. The Messrs. Fogartie seem to be lieve in the efficacy of Printers' Ink, to judge from the long advertisements I observe in your paper and several others. The stock of miscellaneous publications is very large and varied, and ample arrangements effected for supplying any works which may be needed, and all the leading American, Einglish and Standard Books. There are three Stores under the "Masonic Temple" instead of two, as stated in my former letter ; the mid dle one being occupied by Messrs. Melchers & Muller, and neatly ar ranged for Dry Goods. The large red Iron Front Store of Mr. J. W. Linley, which he has so appropriately arranged and fitted up, in King, near Cumberland Street. ap pears to draw largely, and evidences that he ".is at home" in his vocation, as well as courteous and attentive to his visitors. Yours truly, KAPPA. Some Washington gossip about the rival railway schemes in Mexico, here with printed, is flavored with genuine Americanism. it is gravely asserted that the representative of one of the contesting companies lost $300,000 while playing "poker" with a party of Congressmen, and that they immedi ately after got their scheme through Congress. The inference is that theI loss at cards was a trick to cover the transfer of a bribe, and that the game "wasn't on the square." Investigating Coamme are not in vogne in i TOO MUCH FOR MIDGET. Tinikins, Tarbox, and Midget, a ,onvivial trio. They were mar -ied men, and yet they spent many >f their evenings at the tavern, hus leaving undone duties which ight to have been done, and do ng a great many things which >ight never to have been done. )ne night the trio sat at the fes ive board of Pimple's tavern un il very near midnight, at which iour they were about as drunk as nen could be and not be dead. A lispute arose touching the pay. nent of the bill for the evening's titertainment. "Hold on." said Timkins. "Let'r ie till t'morrow. When we get ome our wives '11 be sure to tell is to do some unaccountable thing, ,nd if ary one of us refuses to do he first thing his wife tells him o do after he gets into the house, e shall pay fur the whole bill for he party." This was agreed to, and it was urther stipulated that each should ,ive a true account of the result -t their next meeting. On the ollowing evening the friends met gain. Timkins led off: "Well, boys," said he, "I had a ough one, but I did it. It was lark as pitch in the house when I ,ot home, and as I was lumbering brough the kitchen, I stumbled gainst the store, and knocked lie tea-kettle off on to the floor. 'hat started my wife, and she sang >ut to me: "Say, you brute, tip over the cook. ng stove, and be done with it !" "No sooner said than done. I ;ave the old thing a h'ist, and over t went. My eyes! Didn't my vife come out of bed! but I did t."1 Tarbox next gave his experi. mee: "Good for you, Tim.; but I'm iven with you, though my job vasn't quite so tough. When I )ot hone I had to get into the iouse through the butterz win low, as usual, and I've no doubt ,bat I made considerable of a clat ,er among the tin pans. If my wife had been asleep she woke up. "That's right !" she called out, it the top of her voice. "Tip hings over, won't you? Don't niss the cream pot. Upset that too." "I knew the pot must be nearly 'ull of cream, but I'd got the or ler,'and was bound to obey, and ver went the next churnin' on to he floor. What befell me very hortly afterward and what par icular language Mrs. Tarbox used >n the occasion, I won't say, but I >beyed orders." Midget came next, and he ap roached the subject of his narra ~ive with downcast looks: "Well, boys," he said, "I s'pose ['ve got to foot the bill. UJnfortu sately my wife asked too much of me. When 1 got home 1 found the sack door unlocked,ao I got into the house without making much noise; ut in going up stairs, I stumbled, Lnd the racket of my fall was iuickly echoed by Mrs. Midget's roice, pitched in a most snappish mnd peremptory key : "There," Midget,she cried, "turn :e again ! Tumble and break your vorthless neck !" Says I: "That's too much for Kiidget! I'd rather pay the bill at ~he tavern." "A.nd so boys, I'll ecttle up." ExcuRsroN TO EURoPE.-A Ma onic excursion is in course of prepara ion at Columbia, Pennsylvania, for a ~rip to Europe, with a special purpose f visiting the great laternational Exhibition at Vienna. They start i,bout the first of June next, and will make an extended tour through Great Britain as well as on the Continent. A contract has already been entered into for carrying a limited number :>cean passage, railroad fare, hotel bills and all other expenses incident to the trip, all paid. A fine opportunity here presents itself for making a cheap a.nd pleasant tour to the Old World. Persons desiring further information on the subject should address A. M. RAMBO, editor of the C'ourant, Colum bia, Pa. The President has pardoned Eli Ross Stewart and Robert Hayes Mitchell of this State, who had been convicted as Ku Klun, and wer in tbe Albany ADVERTISINC RATES. Advertisements inserted at the rate of $1.00 per square-one Ineb-forfirst insertion, and 75c. for each subsequent insertion. Double column advertisements tenper cent on above. Notices of meetings, obituaries and tributes of respect, same rates per square as ordinary advertisements. Special notices in local column 20 cgnts per line. Advertisements not marked with the num ber of Insertions will be kept in till forbid and charged accordingly. Special contracts made with large adver. tisen, with liberal deductions on above rates Jo Pare Done with Neatness and Dispatch. Terms Cash. TURKEY TOO MUCH. Several mornings since a gentle man residing-no matter where bought a fine turkey in the South ern Market, and ordered it sent to his home, mentioning the number --as we will say, 46. Now 46 is a few doors from our friend's house, and is occupied by a very pretty and dashing widow of lim ited means. A little later in the morning Mrs. - had occasion to go to the market for sone cele ry, when the following confab en sued : Market-man: "How did you like ihat turkey ?" Mrs. -: "What turkey ?" "Market-man: "Why, the one your husband bought and sent bome to No. 46. Wasn't the num ber right !" Mrs. - smelled a large-sized mice, but said, "Oh, yes, that is all right," and she left, smiling as hough some one was boring a balf-inch auger bole through the small of her back. At dinner her husband said, "My Jear, will you have some of the roast beef?" Mrs. - : "No, I'll take tar. key ?" Husband: "I don't see any tur key. Where is it?" Mrs. -: "Why it's in No. 46, just where you sent it, and you bad better go right there now and get your dinner !" The blushes of the culprit were hidden by a scene which occurred at this juncture. His physician says he don't think the mark of the plate will remain permanently over his eye, but all the efforts of dermatology will never restore his hair that has been removed by the boiling coffee. Served him right ; he should follow Sam's advice, and bevare of vidders. SIIOPPING IN PARIS. The following scene, it is said took place in a Paris rmagazin : An elegantly dressed lady asked to see some material for paletots. The shopman mounted the steps and took down several pIeces of striped velvet. "The rain would spoil it," said the lady. "Show me some swan silk." Several pieces being laid upon the counter-"Too thick," said the lady, after an examination of ten minutes; "show me some la dy's cloth." Several great rolls were laid be fore her. They were too thin. Then came velvet, silk, satin, moire, until the counter disappear ed under the piles of stuff, behind which stood the nearly invisible shopman still patient and polite. At last, "I have decided," said the customer, "in favor of flannel, blue flannel." Ten or twelve pieces were laid upon the heap. "That will do," she said, after a long and minute scrutiny. "How much will it take to make a dog's paletot ?" and she held up a micro scopic toy terrier. "A paletot ?" asked the shop. man, not at all disconcerted, and, appearing to make a mental calcu lation, "Will it have pockets, mad ame ?" There is a wheat field on the west side of the San Joaquin river. Califor nia, .35 miles in length by eight in breadth, with an area of 179,000 acres. Estimating the average yield at six teen bushels to the acre, it would give a total yeild of 2,864,200 bushels, or 86,015 tons. This amount of grain would load 8.601 ears, which, if made up in one train, would reach for over eighty miles. Florence Nightingale urges women to put themselves in training, precise ly as men do, for special lines of busi ness.. This is exactly what all women would be glad to do. if they were per mitted-and what many of them, we are cheered to believe, are doing in this country at this time. An old Dutch tavern-keeper who had his third wife thus expresses his views of matrimony: "Well, you see, de first dime I married for love, dat ish goot ; den I marries for beaudy, dat ish goot doo, aboud ash goot ash de first; but dish dime I marries for money, and dos ish ecraspoth.