The Newberry herald. (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, January 08, 1873, Image 1
Vol. IX. WEDNESDAY MORNING, JANUARY 8, 1873. No. 1.
THE HERALD
IS PUBLISHED
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At Newberry C. 11.,
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1873.
Eclectic Mlagazine.
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The best ESSAYS.
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This Magazine is no-.- en- D %T 2
tering on its sixth year, andPE En
is recommenrded as- being the cheapest Musi
cal publication in the world. It is issued on
the fifteenth of each month, and contains in
every number at least Four Dollars' worth of
choice new Music, such as A
Songs, Dtuets, Choruses,
Polkas, Waltzes,.Galops, Marches, Fantasies,
Four-Hand Pieces, etc., by such authors as
Kinke4 Hays.. Thomas, Danks, Strauss,
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July to December, 1872-for One Dollar.
Think of it! At least,fifty pieces of choice
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paid, for 30 cents. Address,
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599 Broadway, New York.
Nov. 20, 47-3m.
Columbia FetmIle Co|lee,
COLUMBIA, S. C.,
WILL be opened on January Ist, with a
ful' corps of experienced Teachers.
Rates for Scbolastic year-half yearly in
advance. i rd, including Washing, Lights
and Fuel, gether with Tuition in Regular
College Course, per Scholastic Year of nine
months, *$225.0
For Circular address,
REV. SA MUEL B. JONES, Pres't.,
Care of "Christian Neighbor."
Nov. 20, 47-2m. Columbia, S. C.
Bricks,Bricks,Bricks!
GOOD BRICKS I
400,000 BRICKS
FOR SALE
At the Brick Yard.
OF
R. H. CHRISTIAN.
Oct. 25, 43-tf.
Free Transportation.
WVE are prepared to grind from one to
one hundred and fifty bushels Corn per day,
and will furnish free transportation of their
grain to and from our mill for our patrons
free of charge.
WEBB, JONES & PARKER.
A pr. 17, 16-tf.
C. M. HARRIS,
CabinetMaker & Undertaker.
Has on band and will make to order, Bed
steads, Bureaus, Wardrobes, Safes, Sofas,
Settees, Lounges, &c.
Cabinet Work of all kinds made and re
paired on liberal terms.
Has on hand a full supply of Metalic, Ma
hogany and Rosewood Burial Cases.
Coffins made to order at short notice, and
hearse supplied.
Oct 940 tf.
Fsk's Metliic Burial C8368,
THlE SUBSCRIBER has constantly or
hand a full assortment of the above approved
cases, of different patterns, besides cofins
of his own make, all of which he is prepared
to furnish at very reasonable rates, with
promptness and despatch.
Persons desirous of having eases sent by
railroad will have them sent free of charge.
A Hearse is always on hand and will be
furnished at the rate of $10 per day.
Thankful for past patronage, the sub
scriber respectfully asks for a continuation
of the same, and assures the public that
no effort on his part will besaparrt to render
the utmost satisfaction.
A. C. CBla?MAN
Newberry S. C., July 31.
RESTAURANT.
BAKERY.
. The undersigned respectfully informs the
public that she is now prepared to furnish
Meals-Fish, Oysters, &c.,
Every Day, and at all Hours.
Also, Bread, Cakes, Pies, Wigs and Rolls,
Fresh Every Day.
Nov13, 46 KATE SHODAIR.
PROFESSIONAL.
DR. C. W. ABNEY
Otfers his services to the commn,ity at
large. Office opposite Col. Win. F. Nanace's
re,idence, next door above A. R. Church,
f ormerly occupied by Dr. T. W. Thompson,
deceased. July 31, SI-sf.
DR. H. BAER,
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL
DRUGGIST,
NO. 131 MEETING STREET,
CHARLESTON, S. C.
My 3, 1S-tf.
From the Aldine, for January.
LOVE SONGS.
IS TE STREET.
Like a breeze from a garden,
MAde sweet with te scent
Of the fresh blooming ilacs,
She came and she went,;
Pure spirit and vision,
Felt rather than known,
Fain would I have held her
And made her mine own;
But as the unconscious
Breeze blesses and goes,
So went she, more blessing
And blest than she knows.
IN THE GARDzy.
When lilacs were in blossom,
And all the air was sweet,
I saw her standiug tip toe
Upon a garden-seat;
One hand drew down the clusters,
The other bent a spray,
Held it a little in nute
And let it slip away.
Lilacs, your life is lengthened,
But you've missed the very best,
The best brief life of lying
And dying on her breast!
NOT JUST YET.
BY E. LOWERY.
Fifteen years ago, London was
a much jollier place in every way
than it is now. It had an indi
viduality of its own then ; its big
hotels were unbuilt, its Houses of
Parliament were unfinished ; it
was just a big, brown, busy city,
with a splendid river running slap
through it. For it had a river
then,with shores and noble bridges;
now it has but a stone trough,
with iron drain-pipes across it.
Oae rode on the top of 'buses then,
or darted about in hansoms; now,
I declare, when I visit London, I
spend all my time in a coal-cellar,
where there is an escape of gas,
and where all the hot cinders from
the kitchen fire are emptied-I
mean the Metropolitan Railway.
Fifteen yearA ago I was in Lon.
don,.living on a slender pittance,
and much troubled in the matter
6rdinners.
One Sunday. I remember, my
funds were getting low, very low.
I had determined to remain in my
lodgings and support nature on
tobacco-smoke; but my hunger
was too strong. I had a few shilr
lings left, and the evening wore
on, and as theciravings of my ap
petite increased, resolution broke
down. I put on my hat, and hur
ried out in quest of a dinner.
When 1 made up my mind to go
to the Recesses for a dinner, it
was because I knew that there
was no other place open the prices
of which would be within my
means. Row dismal it looked this
Sunday evening, that long low
room, its tables almost deserted,
save for one or two men here and
there nodding over a plate of bis
cuits. There was pea-soup that
night, I remember, and it was ra
ther good too. The fish was fishy,
the joint was reduced to a stump.
"Waiter," I cried, noan .1 dis
pense with the other courses, and
dine off the soup ?"
"If you wish, of courise, sir-,"
said the waiter.
I had three helps of that excel
lent pea-soup, and in each plate I
put a spoonful of dried mint. But
the after result was not exhilara
ting ; it rather clogged the pores,
I think, that soup. Miserable and
depressed as :I went, into the Rie
eesses, I felt still mor'e miserable,
more depressed after my dinner.
I had spent my prescribed allow
ance. I couldn't go anywhere or
do anything. I could only go
back to my gloomy lodgings
through the sloppy strecet, and sit,
and lonely chew the cud of bitter
meditation.
The idea seemed to me horrible;
and yet now, as ever, there ap
peared to be no escape for me
from the embraces of this dull
melancholy fiend. I couldn't help
saying to myself, as I sat with
my chin resting on my hands, "I
wish I were dead !"
I didn't mean to say it aloud,
but I suppose I must have whis
pered it audibly ; for a man who
was sitting opposite me at the ta
ble-who had been sitting ther-e,
smoothing his heavy red mustace
all the time I had been dining, his
eyes fixed on his plate-looked up
of a sudden, and gave me a quick
and searching glance.
I knew him then ; it was Med
hurst, an old schoolfellow. As a
boy he had been always a mystery!
to us; that quick sudden glancee
of his had such a strange effect up-~
on all on whom it fell. We used
to say he had the Evil Eye, and
w onderful tales used to be told at'
school about the effect of Med
burst's look. Still, I was glad to
see him ; any relief from the lone
linoss and monotony of my life
was ,pleasant. He recognized me
also, and came over and sat beside
me.
"Well," he said, after we hai
shaken hands-he had a strangf
flabby, chilly hand, % hich some
how sent an icy thrill to my ver,
heart-"well, and so you wish yoi
were dead."
"Did you hear me?" I said. "Oh
it was nonsense, of course. I of
ten say so. A foolish habit I have
I don't mean it."
"It wasn't nonsense !" he said
ie talked in a low, monotonou:
voice, intelligible enough to th,
ear for which it was intended, bu
not to be overheard by others.
'-It wasn't nonsense, but a ver3
rational, prudent wish. I wist
so myself; and what is more," h(
said," "I have the means to carr5
.out both our wishes."
I laughed uneasily. "You ari
joking."
"1 never joke. "Tuntil now,'
he went on, "the great deterring
influence which has restrainec
those wise men who see the fblly
and emptiness of life, who meas.
uring their feeble capacities fbi
suffering, would gladly resign v
possession which has no advan
tage for them-the great deterrin g
infiuence has been, the doubt who,
ther death be really a complete
severing of the body and the soul,
whether, indeed, there is not a
lingering capability of feeling still
-hanging to the relaxed nerves, a
lingering consciousness in the de.
caying brain; that, in addition to
the bitterness of death, one may
taste also the gloom of the grave,
and the horrors of the charnel.
house."
"Good heavens!" Icried. "What
a horrible idea!" He fascinated
me, this man. I would gladly
have risen and gone away ; but he
stopped me with his eye.
"Listen," he said, "I have over
come this impediment; I have
opened the gates.of Death to all
mankind. To you, my young
schoolfellow, I will reveal tha se
cret; least, tempted some day to
cross the boundary, I should die,
and leave mankind as %N rete4ed as
ever. You see this powdered herb;
it is like mint, is it not? the smell,
the taste, everything is like mint
-you woql4 not inq%v them 4par1t;
an*d yet in a small quantity of this
powder lies a release from all the
miseries of life. Don't shrink
back ; it is innoeous in small
doses, produces merely a pleasing
languor; but in such a quantity
as a teaspoonful, it produces leth
argy; twice the quantity brings
on syncope ; thrice, inevitable
death. I have often ventired as
far as the second stage, but have
always stopped short of the third.
But I have brought back thus
much assurance from the world of
shadows; consciousness ceases al
together at the second stage.
There are no dreams in the sleep
of death.
"The preliminary stage of leth
argy is deligh tful-I often indulge
in it; but I have had a doubt
sometjmes whether I might not
possess an exceptional physical or
ganization ; whether the h er b
would produce exactly the same
effects on others. I determined
to try the experiment on a large
scale. 1 came here to-night to do
it. I have noticed that each fr-e
quenter of those rooma, on pea
soup nIghts, which are frequeut,
takes one plate of soup, to which
he adds one spoonful of mint.
Well, I watched my opportunity.
I came here as soon as the room
wais opened ; and, whilst the wait
er's back was turned, I emptied
the contents of the plate of mint
into my pocket, and filled the
plate with my own powder. The
experiment was a bold one. I
migrht have caused the death of
innocent persons. However, I
persevered; the interests of science
overpower considerations of hu
manity. The experiment has com
pletely suoceeded. E~ach habitue
of these rooms has swallowed his
plate ol soup, his spoonful of pre
cious herb ; each has gone through
the stage of lethargy. There aie
some now, you observe, passing
through that stage.''
I threw an agonized glance
around. Yes, sure enough, there
were two or three men lying back
in their chairs, their heads sunk
on their breasts, in a state of com
plete lethargy.
"And," he went on, "I can see
the symptoms of the approaching
lethargy upon you-the dilated
pupil of the eye, the expression of
anxiety in the face; yes, all is
perfect: the symptoms are--"
"But," 1 gasped, "1 have taken
three spoonfuls !"
"Martyr of science !" he cried,
springing up and grasping me by
the hand, "how carefully, how
painfully I will watch every sy mp
tom of your declining vitality!
Dear friend, your ease will be an
era in the history of humanity.
Like Curtius, you have leaped in
to the chasm for the public weal."
"But isn't there an antidote ?" I
gasped ; '-a remedy ?"
"There is none; and were there,
you would not go back from the
noble path ? My dear friend, imi.
tate the example of the ancient
Roman ; a quietude and serenity
in onr lIst hours is indispnabla
I for the proper noting of your phe
nomena."
"But I won't die !" I shouted,
getting up. My limbs trembled
i beneath me ; 1 felt the very chills
of death upon me. "I won't, I
won't!" Here I screamed, "Send
for a doctor-for policemen.
Quick! Quick! I'm poisoned !"
All the lethargic men jumped to
their feet, the waiters came run
i ning in, the proprietor appeared,
pale and wondering.
"I'm poisoned !" I shouted; "poi
soned in the mint! Send for a
doctor, you fools! do you hear?"
"Mad !" said a quiet voice; "mad
as a hatter. Poor fellow! he's
subject to those fits. He'll fall
down directly; look out for him !"
"But I'm not going to have the
character of the house taken away
for no mad freaka. What do you
mean, sir, by attacking the quali.
I ty of my victuals, sir?"
"It was le," I shouted,,pointing
to my friend, "who now seeks to
screen himelf by calling me mad.
But, good heavens! will you see a
fellow-creature perish, perish, PER
ISH ?"
"There, don't aggravate him,"
said my friend. "Put him into a
cab and send him to a poliee sta
tion ; he's sure to have been sd
vertised for."
I was dragged and hustled from
the room, and burled into a cab.
Two or three policemen had come
up, and one took charge of me in
side, while another mounted the
box. I was quiet now, overcome
by my struggles, and lay exhau st
cd in the corner of the cab, waft
ing the insidious advances of the
deadly narcotic.
Presentlv the cab stopped.
"We've got that chap they adver
tised for," cried the man outside,
to a policeman who was lounging
at the door of the polico-station.
"The deuce you have !" said the
inspector, coming up. "Then
you've done a good job to-night.
There's fifty pounds offered now.
Take him right off to the asylum
at once. Let's have a look at him,
though. - Why this ain't the min
at all gis ain't Medhurst! Low,
you ought t> have known better.
Red full mustache, drooping eye
lids, aquiline nose-why they're
as different as light from dark
ness."
"What! is Medbrst-ma4-?" I
said, a light bursting in upon me.
"Yes; 'as'he been playing any
of his pranks upon you, sir 9
making believo to give you poison,
or anythink of that sort? Lord,
he's the cun ' gest chap in crea
tion, that Mc nrst. He's a small
fortune to the police to bring him
back after his escapes. He's quite
'armless, too, though he's always
up to so many tricks. Quite a
gentleman, too. I've swallowed a
pint or more of his p'ison just to
please him, and then he'd stand a
bottle of champagne afterward.
That's how you had ought to have
served him, sIr. There, you won't
get hold of him to-night, chaps;
he's miles away by this time."
I have never wished myself dead
since then..
The Blggest Lie He Ever
Heard.
THE LYING CHAMPIONSHIP AGAIN
THE PRESENT HOLDER OF THE
BEFT.
A dilapidated old bummer, much
given to sitting on an inverted po
tato barrel which ornamented the
banquette of the grocery, was the
perennial spectacle which greeted
those who traversed the main
street ot P-.
Not a large town, P--; rather
a poor little town, busily engaged
in verifying the truth of the an
cien t saying, "Facillis descensus
Averni," etc., and meeting with
brilliant success in its efforts.
As is customary in the case of
such towns, everybody knew eve
rybody else, and felt an interest in
his neighbor which verged on the
frightful. In these neglected re
gions Mrs. Gr-undy reigned sq
premne, and took grim cognizance
of all things, from a marriage to
the number of~ stockings on the
family line. Taking his share in
the general distribution of privi
leges, the bummer found that
share to consist in a species of
reputation as a story-teller, and
an artist in the particular of crab
e ho wder.
Properly primed with whiskey
and seated within the benignant
influence of the grocery fire-place,
old "Ad." was "some." Especially
when some rival was present to
put him on his mettle and spur
the inspiration which, in these de
clining days, was sometimies tar
dy.
"Old Ad." had his favorite seat
at the fire ; the night was disa
g'reeable; he had an appreciative
audience, and the proper amount
of "bald-head" had been ad minis
tered. Added to this a stranger
was present-a disgnsting impos
to: with a Texas hat and enor
mous spurs, who wore backskin
trousers, and had a large and ugly
scar across his face. This absurd
ceantura had- been loafing'- about
P- for some days, playing po
ker, drinking whiskey, and literal
ly galvanizing the inhabitants
with the recital of hair-breadth
adventures in the flar West. Old
"Ad." under these circumstances
had languished. His potato bar.
rol was deserted, and the base rab
ble that erstwhile bad listened,
open-mouthed, to his productions,
now thronged about the new com
er; and, to cut it short, old Ad.
was desperate.
As he squared himself upon his
chair and lit his pipe, it was quite
evident that he~ meant business.
There was a look in his eye that
thrilled "the boys," and before
which even the confident stran
ger would show signs of waver
ing.
Old Ad, launched forth upon a
fearfl encounter with thirty-eight
Indians. Circumstantial as to the
vaious manoenvers and deeds of
woodcraft by which he beguiled
those ill-fated savages, he wrought
his audience gradually to a pitch
of unwonted excitement, fo,v
he lagged, bow he trailed, how ie
gave the Hi.you-muok-a-muck, and
how, in the course of these things
he managed to slay twenty-seven
of his enemies, will never, never,
be forgotten in P-. The boys
were at once delighted and appall
ed, Such fighting as that had
never been dreamed of in their
hilosophy, and they regarded old
Ad. with feelings approaching rev
erence.
. ".But," said the hoary old sin
ner, with the most innocent coun
tenanoe imaginable, "just at this
troment I stubbed my toe against
a pesky old root, and here came
the eleven red devils howling down
on me, with their spears and toma.
hawks lifted. I managed to kill
one more with my Derringer, and
laid another out with a purely in
spired kick in the stomach, but
the other nine were on me in a
moment, and I saw the jig was up
for me. They were wild with
rage and revenge, And I knew
there was no hope of pity. I
thought of the folks back in Caro
lina, and the dear girl--."
"But," said the stranger, unable
to restrain his excitement, "what
became of you ?"
"Why," said old Ad. getting up
and putting on his hat, "they kill
ed me, of course!"
"Gentlemen," said the stran-or,
violently, ''thats the blgest lie I
eveil heard."
Buried Alive.
A HORRIBLE DISCLOSURE.
For some time past the work of
removing the remains of the de
parted from the old Roman Catho
lic burying ground in Ottawa,
Canada, to the new cemetery has
been quietly going on, and noth
ing more than might be expected
under the circumstances occurred
until the other day. The sacred
ashes have been reverently taken
from their narrow beds and remov
ed by the hands of loving friends
to the new city ofthe dead. Affeoct
ing incidents have naturally oc
curred, and some scenes bordering
on the revolting have been wit
nessed in the cemetery.
Recently unburied bodies have
been uncoffned that fond eyes
might gaze upon their features~for
the last time before covering them
with the sod again. One such in
cident of a startling natur-e occur
red last Tuesday. A gentleman
who was engaged in removing the
remains of some of his deceased
i'olatives, was asked by an ac
quaintance, who was similiarly
engaged, to assist him in lifting a
coffn from a grave. He did so,
and the lid was taken off. To the
horror of tbe small body of specta
tors who gathered around it, they
discovered that the body, which
was that of an uncle of the gentle
man who was removing it, had
been disturbed in the coffn. It
was terribly contorted, as if the
deceased had died in great agony.
The face wore an expression of
intense pain and horror, the arms
were drawn up as far as the
coffn wvould admit, and the head
was twisted round to the should
ers, from which the flesh had
apparently been gnawed by the
struggling nTan. Sickened by the
horrible sight, the spectators drew
back from the coffin and looked
speechlessly into each other's eyes.
Not a word was spoken, but there
was not a man present who did
not feel that the deceased had
been buried alive-probably while
in a trance-and had awakened
only to perish in his living tomb.
The coffn was closed again and
taken to the new cemetery, where
it was decently interred.
The Fairbanks, scale manufac
turers, borrowed five dollars to
make their first scale, and are now
worth $3,000,000. Go and bor
row five dollars, young man, and;
pay a years subscription for the
Newberry HERALD.
A bad m~arriage is like an elec
tric machjpe; it makes you dance
and yon can't let go.
The Aldine for January.
T bis superb enterprise is bein.
steadily and surely carried forwar<
to an artistic development tha
even its most sanguine frien,
would hardly have anticipated
The issue for January, coming ai
it does upon the heels ofthe greal
Christmas number, might possiblv
miss some of the attention whici
the enhanced artistic value de.
serves. As the initial number ofa
New Year, it is most important as
a sort of justification of the expec
tation excited by the promises of
the publishers in their widely
scattered prospectus. While it
would be hardly possible to note
any marked change in the uniform
and unrivaled excellence of the
mechanicl execution, which has
given The Adine a - world-wide
reputation, we think there is an
advance in the art standard of the
designs-at least, it is very evident
that the conductors are now able
to give their subscribers designs
which aside from their intrinsic
merit, are interesting and valu
able as expositions of the style of
our foremost artis.s. The prospec
tus gives a list of contributors
wvhich includes nearly all the pain
ters of high standing in the coun
try, men who have never before
condescended to come before the
public through the medium of the
wood-engraver. In the January
number we have no less than
three large designs from Thomas
Moran, whose large picture of the
Yellow Stone Valley was purchased
by Congress for$10,000. Probably
Mr. Moran is the strongest man in
his line in America, and the exhi
bition of designs from his pencil
was the best card, The Aldine
could possibly have played. Mr.
Moran's pictures illustrate an ar
ticle on "The Pictured Rocks of
Lake Superior," and while they
are all extremely good, the storm
scene (full page) will take the
palm as a powerful and successful
delineation of Nature in its ster
nest mood. Peter Moran, a youn.
ger brother (E. Moran, the great
marine painter, is an elder), gives
us a sketch, which he entitles
"The Critics." The Aldine certain
ly has bad no special reason to
introduce this picture, and from
the great merit of his drawing,
we can hardly think the artist's
experience at their hands should
suggest such a zepresentation of
that much abused class. Still the
picture is good humored, and
eminently worthy of the position
it occupies. An artist, seen in the
distance,sketching, hasleftapartly
finished picture on his easel, by
the margin of a piece of woods
:wo donkeys, a calf, and a sheep
come to inspect. The drawing of
the animals is simply perfect and
would make a horse laugh, to say
nothing of good-natur-ed donkeys!
John S. Davis, the rising man on
the figure, gives a very pleasing
design, "After the Frolic," in
which a child of tender years is
caring for the benumbed lhmbs of
a still younger specimen. The
kindly parental care which a slight
advantage of age always gives a
child, has been caught, and very
happily rendered by -Mr. Davis,
and his drawing manifests the
care and thought which is chairac
teristic of this artist's work and
which is sure to give him a high
position in American art. The
literature is varied and excellent.
Mr-s. J. 0. Ri. Dorr contributes a
pleasant sketch, entitled, "Hal's
Mistake," and Mr. William Perci
val, '"Lady De Sade's Chaplet," a
romantic legend, of which Pe
trarch's Laura is the heroine; Miss
Clara F. Guernsey objects, and
very properly, to that brute in
fiction. 'Thbe Lady's Hero; "Our
Noses" is one of the most enter
taining papers we have read in
years; the difference between
"Puritans and Cavaliers" is well
stated in a brief but scholarly
article; and "Eton College" and
"The Pictured Rlocks" are clever
descriptions of these localities. The
poetry is charming, as usual, Mr.
Stoddard furnishing "He is Late!
a dainty little lyric; Mr. Henry
Richards, a witty "ChineseSong,"
and Mr. Robert Kelley Weeks, a
little cluster of airy "Love Songs."
Literature and Music receive due
attention, as does also Art, the
latter department being mainly
devoted to a memoir of Rogers,
the sculptor. The subscription
pr-ice is $5.00 per annum, whieb
includes the pair of oil chromos
that are making such a stir. The
publishers are James Sutton & Co.,
58 Maiden Lane, Ne w York.
These are Spanish proverbs:
Love, a horse, and money will
carry a man through the world.
Thbree things kill a man: a hot sun,
supper, and trouble. To shave an
ass is a waste of lather. If the
gossip is not in her own house,
she is in somebody else's. Don't
speak ill of the year till it is over.
The motber-in-law forgets that
she was a daughter-in-law. Men
are as grateful for kind deeds as
the sea is when you fling into it
a cnn of water. -
Reminiscences of a Famous
Actor.
A London paper. answering a
Corr-espondent, revives the memo
ry of ie oice famousJoe Haines,
wIho died in 1701. He is said to
have beenl a person of great face.
i(ousness :nd readin:ss of wit,
which, together with his inimita
S perflorilances oin the stage as
a comedian, introduced him not
Uldy to the acquaintance, but the
faillliaritv of persons of the first
rank. His forte seems to have
been in speal:irig prologues and
QpiOgueCs particulariv those writ
ten by himself. Anthony Aston
s:Iid: "Joe Haines is more reniar
kaLble fOr the witty, though wick
ed pranks he played, and for his
prologues and epilogues than for
acting. lie was at first a dancer.
After ho had made his tour of
Franje he narrowly escaped. being
heized and sent to the Bastile fur
iersonating an English peer and
running 3,000 livres in debt, but
happily landing at Dover he went
to London. However, this affair
spoiled Joe's expiring credit, for
next morning a couple of bailiffs
seized him in an action of X20 as
the Bishop of Ely was passing by
in his conch. Quoth Joe to the
bailiffs: "Gentlemen, here is my
cousin, the Bishop of Ely, going
into his house; let me but speak to
him, and he'll pay the debt and
eharges." The bailiffs thought
they might venture that, as they
were within three or four yards
of himl. So up goes Joe to the
coach, pulling off his hat, and got
close to it. The bishop ordered
the coach to stop, while Joe, close
to his ear, said softly: "My lord,
here are two poor men who have
such great scruples of conscience
that I fear they'll hang them
solves." "Very well," said the
bishop; so, calling to the bailiffs,
he said: "You two men come to
me to-morrow morning and i'll
satisfy you." The men bowed
and went away. Joe, hugging
himself with thisdevice, also went
his way. In the morning, the
bailiffs, expecting the debt and
charges, repaired to the bishop's.
"Well," said he, "what are your
scruples of conscience?"
"Scruples," said the bailiffs, we
have no scruples. We are bailiffs.
my lord, who yesterday arrested
your cousin, Joe Haines, for ?20.
Your lordship promised to satisfy
us to-day, and we hope your lord
ship will be as good as your word."
The bishop, reflecting that his
honor and name would be exposed
it lie complied not, paid the debt
and charges. Quin told the follow
ing story of Haines: "In James
II's time, when Popery was a
road to preferment, he, among
others, professed himselfa convert,
and declared that the Virgin had
appeared to him. Lord Sutherland
sent for Ilaines, and asked him
about the truth of his conversion,
and whether he had really seen
the Virgin. "Yes, my lord, I
assure you it is a fact." "How
was it, pray?" "Why, as I was
lying in my bed, the Virgin ap
peared and said, "Arise, Joe."
"You lie,you rogne," said the earl;
"if it had been the Virgin she
would have said Joseph, if it had
only been out of respect to her
husband."
A QL-EER DELSoN.-Here is a queer
story, the truth of which is absolutely
guaranteed by one of the most respecta
ble of Paris newspapers, Le Temps. A
certain M. de Bi. has long been insane.
IIe imagined himself a Chinese, wore
the costume of the Celestial Emipire, and
spoke a str ange jargon invented by him
self, and which be seriously believed to
be pure Chinese. This was a very in
offens.ive monomania. His famrily had
therefore taken no precautionary mea
sures further than that of preventing
him from going out. M. de. B. awoke
the other day covered with cold sweat,
declaring that the Emperor. Tehong
Tcheou, had condemned him to impale
me-nt. He asked to be left alone. When
at the end of two hours, his friends re
entered his room, be was found on a
chair sittmng boll upright, with his hair
standing or. end. "Heavens, how I suffer,"
gasped he; "it is going through and
thro:igh me." A doctor was sent for,
and M. de B. was placed by force in a
reclining position. "It is too late," be
cried, "the stake is broken in my body!"
and he expired under the full conviction
that he was actually impaled.
His LAsT CHANcE.-A man bad
an unreasonable grudge against
his minister that lasted twenty
five years. But at last the band
of death knocked at the door of
the parishioner, and he sent for
his pastor. The good man hastily
obeved the summons with a solemn
delight, as his being thus called
show.ed a mellcwing of the heart
of the dying man, which promised
reconciliation both with heaven
and himself.
"You sent for me?" he said, as
he approached the bedside.
"Yes," answered the dying man,
whose breath was short and diffi
cult; "I have but a f'ew hours to,
live, and I sent-sent for you to
say that-that this is your last-I
your last chance to apologize!"
Gravity is no more evidence of
wisdom than a paper cAlar is of a
shirt. -
ADVERTIS)NC RATES.
Advertise'nents inserted at the rate o O1.50
per square-one inch-for irst insertion, amid
S1 for cach siuIsequent insertion. Double
column ^dvertisements ten per cent on above.
N otices of meetin., obituaries and tribu te
o respect, same rates peraquare as ordinary
dvertizemenC13ts.
Spceai notices in local column 20 cents
pri line.
Advertisements not marked with the num
1wr of inserions will be kept in till forbid
and cliarged accordingly.
Special coi,tre:s ma,!e with large adver
tisers, wi:hliicral deductions on above rates
Done with Neatness and Dispatch.
Terms Cash.
Hazing.
A FR ESHMAN'S EXPERIENCE AT THE
WESLEYAN COLLEGE.
A student at Wcsleyan College,
Middletown, Conn., relates a por
tion of his experience while being
hazed. He says he was taken
From his room in the scantiest
clothing. by a party of masked
nien, who, after leading him over
cella r doors, stoops and stones,
thr<w him beadlong into a ditch,
from which he was taken thor
oughly exhausted. After being
taken up several flights of stairs,
a bandage was removed from his
eyes, and he was placed in a cof
fin, the lid of which was securely
fistened. After he had been car
ried about in the coffin for some
time, the lid was unscrewed, and
be was allowed to rise. Then he
was taken before a mock court,
where there was hideous masked
ngures, clad in black gowns and
cowls.
"The Worthy Mogul" was the
presiding genius. On the left sat
the "Scratchitos," on the right the
"Advocate." Death's heads and
cross-bones were grinning at him.
Over these in phosphorescent let
ters was the name of the order,
"The Sacred Order of the Hobgob
lins of Hades." Under this K. K.
K. After a short interval of si
lence, the trial began. The charges
against him, eight in number,
were read, and he was obliged to
plead guilty to them all. The
jury, after a few moments' consul
tation, rendered a verdict of "gail
ty of all the charges."
The sentence of the Worthy
Mogul was that the student be
handed over to the Immortal
Guards, and he was forced to trans
late from Latin and Greek, to
dance for an hour, first on one
foot, then on the other, his face
was covered with India ink, one
half of his mustache was shaved
off, he was told to sit down, and
sat down sprawling on the floor,
the chair having suddenly been
withdrawn, and finally the "Sacred
Tripod" was brought-a three:
legged stool. WI n it was brought
the tormentors cried : "Transpa
dan useicum," and placed him on
it, wvith a Chinese cap on his head,
compelling him to sing, "Put Mo
in My Little Bed." They did
other things to the poor student,
but he does not reveal them.
Finally, he was obliged to re
peat the following: "Most Wor
thy Hobgoblins. I do humbly con
fess the commission of the crimes
laid to my charge, and I clo, here
and now, m,ost solemnly pledge
my faith that those crimes shall
never be repeated. And I do beg
the gracious pardon of the court
of justice, whom I honor and
obey."
After this forccd confession, he
was again put into the coffin and
carried into another room. There,
with his right hand resting upon
a death head, he was asked, "Do
you solemnly promise-"Diisinter
nissuperisque'-not to reveal the
name of any one who has assisted
at this court ? Do you promise to
pay all respect to upper classmen,
and to deport yourself as becomes
a freshman; in short, to behave
yourself?" To this he had to ans
wer, "I do, my noble lords."
The Worthy Mogul then said;
"iNe buchadnezzer Beefeamer,if this,
you promise, you do not keep,
death shall be your portion. You
will be taken to the river: 'Cheap
John' Doughnut will be fastened
about your neck, and you will
then be sank into the waters of
the Connecticnt, never to be heard
of more ; for so heavy are those
doughnuts that even Gabriel's
trump could not bring your body
up."
"After this he was again blind
folded, led back to his room and
released.
The faculty took the matter up
and having ascertamned who the
parties engaged in the. transaction
were, had them brought before
them, and two of the ringleaders
have been expelled, one of them
being a great revival leader.
Aa Englishman and a German
were traveling together in a dili
gence, and both smoking. The
German did all in his power to
draw his companion into conver
sation, but to no purpose. At one
moment he would with a supera
bundance of politeness, apologize
for drawing his attention to the
fact that the ashes of his cigar had
fallen upon his waistcoat, or a
spark was endangering his neck
erchief. At length the English
man exclaimed, "Why can't yon
leave me alone ? "Your coat tail
has been burning for the last ten
minutes, but I didn't bother you
about it."
The longevity of mankind kept
up well to near the flood. After
this, it decreased with every gene
ration down to Joseph, who lived
to be only 110 years. From that
period to this, the age of man has
varied but little, though but few
men attain to greater age than
thre scora and ten. - -