Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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I .HAUL TTnw ahfmt. a cmod saf* blades?the Gillette?i dandy, no toy, no false Other makes from ONI good and better. How about a good 1 I Hoger Eazor, made of I English crucible steel, 1 i ers and prand fathers us for TWO ($2.00). A Your New 1 & Sliced with a good Cai cent, better than with i knife. It's a golden op carving set at rock bol clean, clear cutters and i LORIGK & LO B "THAT EVERLAS' Columbia, I All A | J TV f V U M k I a ^ Ton have probably bonghfcmany th > good, that cost a good price, but und test of service soon proved themselves It might have; been shoes that soo 1 ^ the sides, caps broke down, heels gave gave out and solos were plated. wear, and be * and choice s< . , ~ , tol5 00T. A. A Opposite Post Office, The Palmetto COLTTM WE ABE | A Depository for the of South Carolina th< of Columbia. WE OWN $400,000 United State V Carolina Bonds. . WE SOLICIT Aocounts of Banks, f WE PAY ' Four Per Cent, on de] k teres t calculated quai r WE PEOMISE i Our best efforts to tra satisfaction. PALMETTO NATIONA] \ . CAPITA] ! Wiltk Jones, President." I 11 f #SOUTHEM_ $ Unexcelled Dinii ) , J Through Pullman Sleep I ' in Convenient Schedul 1 ? - ? ?? A j e , Jfor tnu imormauon I jqL consult nearest Southern W J. C. LUSK, ] L. MEEK, A. G. P. A r r. M. , j * CHAP ? _1_ L l carry ran bluuh. m r .and pay highest r and Connl | # | We are offering bars I and Vajises, Lad f ' and Dress G-oo< I to please, C H Subscr r S 0 0 | ?ty razor, one with twelve :or FIVE ($5.00). It's a affair, but the real thing. 2 ($1.00) up. They are all >ed time genuine Joseph the celebrated Wardlaw the kind of razor our fathsed to talk so much about, fear Turkey ving Set tastes fifty per m old dull dirty looking portunity to buy a good ttom prices. They are all make an ideal Xmas Gift. U/DAUPC IIP VfllflBiULj sa'ayifj IING HARDWARE." - - s. c. r SHOES! ings that looked ier the rugged ? porthless. i"^) ?n run over at ) way, sewing L against these things, especially in footconfident of getting the best quality foot ' oney can buy, take advantage of the large jock constantly available for making pleass at our store. at for W. L. Douglas Shoes for men, $1.50 B O Y N E , Columbia, S. C. s National Bank, iBIA, S. C. United States Government, the State 3 County of Richland and the City (s Bonds and $100,000 State of South ^irms, Corporations and Individuals. posits in onr Savings Department, intSfcy. % nsact your business to yoar entire > j BANK, - - Columbia, S. C. j $250,000.00 J. P. Matthews, Cashier. \ ^ % RAILWAY. 1 isr Car Service. ? " ? t|A ling Cars on ail Trains, J as on Local Trains. ^ as to rates, routes, etc. Railway Ticket Agent, or yy D. P. A., Charleston, S. C. Atlanta, Ga. FRICK iN, S. C. General Merchandise prices for Cotton ;ry Produce. V gains in Rugs, Trunks lies'" Cloaks, Skirts is. We are here Jali and see us. ibe For Moth3r-in-lavv Arrives and Makes Him Toe the Mark. CALLS CLD MAN TO AUCOUNI. Promises to Behave Himself After Being Bluffed to a Standstill and Now l Thinks His Wife's Mother the Best Ever. [Copyright, 190S, by T. C. McClure.] I am Samuel Bowser's mother-inlaw. -"The other night I had a dream about him. I dreamed that he was swelling around the house and iinding fault and raising Cain generally, and the first thing in the morning, being a I believer in dreams, 1 packed my satchel ahd started for the depot. I arrived at Mr. Bowser's house about an hour before he was due for dinner and found my daughter in bed sick with headacne. jsdo was ;uso wui-.m^ what her husband would say when he came home and found the routine of the house interrupted. "Mary, you just cease to worry about him," says I as tears stood in her HE WAS LEANING AGAINST AN IBON FENCE. eyes. "Your mother is here to look out for you, and if Samuel comes home and goes to cavorting around he'll hear something drop. If he comes home with a 'spell' on there'll be a shindy that'll make his hair curl." The hired girl had been posted before Mr. Bowser reached home, and he n Mnt- nf mv nresenee. UIU.11 l gCb H U1UI. V- , When he entered the house and failed to find his poor victim in the hall to greet him he banged the front door and stamped around until ho was told that Mrs. Bowser was lying down with a headache. "She is, eh!" he shouted. "Lying down with a headache, is she? Who brought on the headache?" The girl informed him that she didn't know. "But I do!'/ he blustered. "She's been eating pickles and oranges and bananas and a lot of other truck. Don't tell me she hasn't, for I know better. Headache, and the house all upset! Nice old ranch this for a man to come home to! It's 110 wonder that teD thousand husbands in the United States are driven to drink every year. We'll see about that headache." With that he came tramping upstairs, and I hid in the clothes closet. He made more noise than a horse coming up, and he had no sooner entered the room than he almost yelled out: "Well, this is the last of you! I've warned you a thousand times over, but it has done no good. It's no use in going for the doctor. Any one can ! see that your days are numbered." "It's only a headache." said Mrs. Bowser as she tried to smile. "Only! Only a headache! And what Is that headache going to lead to? Woman, if you have brought about your own death don't blame me. You can't hog down a dozen bananas, skins and all, and expect to live more than a | few hours." "I haven't eaten a banana in two months." "Then it's raw cabbage or some such thing. Well, don't look to me for any sympathy. I shall bury you, | of course, but don't expect anything j more." Some of His Actions. Then he tipped over a chair, walked over to the bureau and opened the | drawers and slammed thein shut and j had begun to whistle as loud as he t could when my daughter asked: "Mr. Bowser, won't you send for [ mother?" "Send for your mother; he fairly howled as he whirled around on her. "Send for that old bat! Never! Never In this world!" "But if I am going to die I should like her with me." "She can't come. If she was here I know just what she would do. She'd"? "So do I know!" I said as I suddenly walked out on him. Mr. Bowser staggered over to a chair and sank into it. and his face turned as white as flour. lie had been caught red handed. I stood giving him the stony stare for a long* I throe minutes, and then he worked up nerve enough to ask: | "Who invited you down here at this time?" "I didn't have to wait for an Hivita! tion. Dinner is on the tajde. and we will so down. \\ e can talk as we eat. ''There's no talking to be done," he sulkily observed as he drew away. I "There's a heap of it. Samuel, and I : want you to come along." I % lie shut his jaw ar.il stuck out for awhile, but eventually followed me downstairs. Then he tried to grab his hat and overrent and make a sneak for it. hut I had an eye on him and prevented it. I finally got him down to the dining room and the table, but he 4/? ivn f Thnf tv?o/"l?* A A 5 ff A?? it'ius'ju n./ vrat. i u.u muni, iiv uiuit ence in the programme, however. I began to talk to bi:n like?a mother-inlaw. I am an elderly woman of pronounced opinions. I proceeded to reel off some of those opinions for his benefit. He hadn't got more than a quarter of a dose before he rose up to go, saying something about suicide, but I squatted him down and kept him there until I had said all I wanted to. Mr. Bowser wasn't exactly quiescent under my fire. lie uttered exclamations about cats and bats and mothersin-law, and fourteen different times he said that he would leave the house .u/i..*,. v Iw.f-V, 11 1 (.111111 I, 1 111 \iu vv ci v; when I got through talking?that is, when I got through talking for just then.. I went upstairs to see my daughter and had scarcely got there when I heard him rattling and banging at the furnace in the cellar. I descended part way and stopped liim by threats of the crowbar. Then lie took a notion to fix a door in the kitchen, and I had to make some bleed curdling threats before he would cease hammering and sawing. Then he came up into the sitting room and got out air old harp and began strumming on it and singing. I didn't have to waste words on him on this occasion. As soon as he saw me coming he cuddled down, and I left him playing solitaire with a pack of carus as I went up again. Then Mr. Bowser sneaked on me. Half an hour later I'came down to make some rrero tea ana iouuu nun gone. I am that sort of woman that when I strike a son-in-law's trail I never leave it until he is my mutton. I put on my things and went looking for Mr. Bowser. I heard of him on several corners, but it was nearly an hour before I overhauled him. He was leaning against an iron fence with his hands in his pockets and his hat pulled down, but I knew him at once. He started off as I grabbed for his ear, but a kind hearted little boy, whom I shall certainly remember in my will, ran ahead of me and seized " - - * ?... a % A. II him by the coattans ana nung on uiiuj I could come up. "Come home, Samuel," I said as I got a good hold. How He Was Bluffed. He said he'd die right then and there first, but he didn't. A policeman came along and advised him to trot, and thus I got hira home. Then I sat down and took a chair in front of him and labored with him?that is, I began a monologue that lasted for three hours, and every time he pretended to doze off I gave him the toe of my shoe and roused him up. I waded into the P.owsors for a hundred rears back. I compared him to an owl. a polecat a toad, a gobbler and a hundred other things. I hurled threats at him that brought shivers to my own spine. ) Whenever he tried to protest I men! aced him. Whenever he tried to get up to go I threatened his life. Three hours did the trick. The bluffer was bluffed. I wore him right down. His wife could have done it - years ago if she had only had the grit and the pertinacity. If she had gone for him the first time he ever yelled "Woman!" at her he would have been as humble as a rabbit the rest of his days. After the first hour I saw that I was gaining on it, and I never let up for a minute until the bells struck 1 o'clock. Then Mr. Bowser suddenly collapsed in a heap, and after I had rubbed a wet rag over his face and revived him he rose up and put his arms around me and murmured: I "Oh, you dear old thing, but I'm so thankful that you came and that we have had this delightful talk together!" A i- +hp nrncont TrriHnf*' hp is fnllow Ing me about the house and wishing | he could die for me, and I think I have him bluffed for as much as two weeks ahead. Mothers-in-law, try my recipe, and take no other. SARAH THOMPSON, Mother-in-law of Mr. Bowser. Per M. Quad. Subscribe for the Dispatch. || What is Home I Without Music Don't say, "'can't afford an Organ or Piano. We will make you able, granting from one to three years to H pay for one. I Wo supply the Sweet Toned, I (Durable Organs and Pianos, at the lowest prices consistent I with quality. S I Write at once for Catalogues, K Prices and Terms, to the Old fl Established H i! Hill'S B HOUSE C3 COLUMBIA, S. C. I HS TOAOC MARH PC&iSTEPI JSS Some one af home I WORLD'S GREAT yj: For All Aches and Pains ? interr >,v>i man and beast. Guaranteed o dealers in medicine every-whe [|| Most Penetrating, therefore ?3 Nerve, Bone and Mi 33 f gj For Rheumatism, Sciatica, Lami H Sore Throat, Colds, Strains, 9| Cramps, Indigestion, Toothache 9H If your dealer will not supply you, drop |H mail a bottlefree. Don't let him hand yo fll Noah's Liniment at his wholesale house HH The genuine has "Noah's Ark on every pa H Patent Office, for your protection. Beware ffl 6 NOAH REMEDY CO. RICHMOND, KAUFMANN DRUG CON HARMAN, Tht Man That Saves You Money on i SHOES Having purchased our stock "when t leather market was at its lowest this s< son enables us to give you the advanta of buying your fall and winter Shoes the right price. See us before you bi We can do you good when it comes prices. We have now a complete line select from. Farmers' heavy shoes specialty. HARMAN'S ? Post Office Block hi ? v.ettOv.v;* - ....- .-'V; - ? 4:^:-vT ?<&\ P?s*~' "fi O J--rvfr, , . :' - \J*' ! U *>v- /v - M rf " ' . >?,/ v ,> f, ; \ V *. w l?Zw d Iff v ' iv/'-;. ' ' k 1 - ... a " - fa \ v; 1 H COLUMBIA C THE STOEE THAT SELLS : UT.TAT Flour, Bacon, Lard and We carry evevything in i chief aim is to please. 1 you will be convinced. Corner Plain and Asseml COLUMBIA S? ixty eas alul m $ $ For the generous patronag $ ceived during the year 1908, unj & # in our history, we are profoundly $ friends. During the year 1909 w $ mination and encouragement thj $ $ high confidence and genorou9 91 ? ing and encouraging to us during & Wishing one and all a happy V. your friends. Hi Hi ? 1H 11 Two Stores ( Yf I COLUMBIA, 9k io'im us. patent of ice would like a botHs of EST PAIN KILLER g ial and external ? For All Creation, |j| r money refunded. For ^le by re, 25c. Triple Strength, the &fi Most Effective. Best for all |9 iscle Aches and Pains. M . e Back, Stiff Joints and Muscles, H Sprains, Cuts, Bruises, Colic, Hj i, etc., it has no equal. Try it. H a post card giving his name, and we will H ' u something just as good." lie can get : Insist nn Nnah'.< And take no nthfr. 1^1 ' ckage, our trade-mark, registered in U. S. i i of imitations offered by unscrupulous dealers VA., and BOSTON, MASS., U.S.A. 9 IPANY, DITRIBUTORS. 5II0E STORET COLUMBIA, S. C OUR PIES ave found favor with every body babes and men, the little girl in inafores and her mother and her randmother. They are of the weet, delicious, wholesome, lelt-in-your-mouth kind, and re're anxious to have you try iem if you don't know the proucts of cur ovens. If you do now we won't have to ask yon. lEIDLINGER'S STEAM BAKERY, COLUMBIA, S. C. iROCERY CO., FOR CASHL AT WHOLESALE PRICES. Sugar our Specialties he Grocery line, and our rry us before you buy and a s a bly Streets, near Market, l, : : S. C. -Fifth I on ! tation i * e and support which we have rejrecedented in any previous year ^ $ r grateful to all our patrons and g e shall strive with greater deter- ^ (to an ever to merit and to justify the # upport which has been so gratify- W j the year just closed. ^ and prosperous New Year we are g & BRYAN CO., I V*. >n Main Street, g ri th S. C. I flTTi