Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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M BOOTS LATEST Tells What Becomes of Grasshoppers In Cold Weather. THEY TURN INTO CRICKETS. Then V/hen Spring Returns They Re sume Their Old Form?Tries to Prove This Theory?Taken For an i Escaped Lunatic. [Copyright, 190S, by T. C. McClure.] "When Mr.' Bowser reached home from the office the other evening he had the look of a man much worried over some problem, and when they had got seated at the dinner table Mrs. Bowser ventured to ask if things had gone wrong in business that day. "Things have gone right enough," was his reply, "but I have been puzzling over another matter." "Perhaps I could help you." "Um! I don't hardly think so, but we will see later on. This is a question of natural history, and I do not think you know anything about it." She was too wise to resent the insinuation then and there, so changed the subject and waited until they ? * J * * -a i.t a j. _ naa nnisnea tne meai ana reureu iu the sitting room. Then, when he had spent a quarter of an hour consulting the encyclopedia, she remarked: "I have read more or less natural history since I was a little girl at 1 ^H ^ jpT ^EWMHH|w^M|9^PEp *1 W09TDXB THAT TOU ASK MS SUCH A SILLY QUESTIOH." ochool, and I'd' be glad to help you if 1 can. Did some question arise at the office today?" "Yes. Professor Schermerhorn. the savant, called on other business, and something happened to be said about grasshoppers. We had a long argument as to what became of the insect when he ceased to be a hopper. The professor was mightily surprised to find me so well posted on the matter and begged me to make further research and report to the Museum of Natural History." End of a Grasshopper. "Why, ifs easy enough to tell what becomes of a grasshopper at the end of summer/* said Mrs. Bowser. "Like most other summer insects, he dies, of course." "Oh, he does, does he?" queried Mr. Bowser, with a smile of superior knowledge and pity. "Of course he does. Grasshoppers don't live on and hop about in the snow. You won't find anything about winter grasshoppers in the encyclopedia. Did Professor Schermerhorn contend that there were winter hoppers?" "No. His contention was that they died after the first hard frost and that that was the end of them. That was right where I picked him up and raised doubts in his mind and made him anxious for a report in full." "But grasshoppers die in the fall, of course," insisted Mrs. Bowser. Mr. Bowser smiled indulgently. } "Do you deny that they do?" 1 "My dear woman, Professor Schermerhorn is a savant of national reputation, and you regard yourself as a very smart woman, but both of you can be mistaken. The professor had simDlv looked nnon him as an insect that came and hopped and ate and then died and was no more. You ought to have seen the look of surprise and awe on his face when I put my theory at him. He'll be on pins and needles for the next day or two." "But what is your theory? You have never brought up the subject of grasshoppers before." "I'm not always giving away all I know, Mrs. Bowser. I have had a grasshopper theory ever since I was * five years old, and the time is now ripe to prove it. No grasshopper dies. Of the billions and billions and tens at billions not one has ever died. Not a single one ever will die. Professor Schermerhorn and his contemporaries have left a great gap in natural history, and it is for Samuel Bowser to wato thnt thpv hnro " v ./ ?? ? "But why don't you tell me what it is?" demanded the Impatient Mrs. Bowser. "There isn't much to tell ?not in words. The hopper is born; he hops; he dies; he is transformed into a cricket to pass the winter, and next spring he is a hopper again. He may be and is killed by accident as a hopper or a cricket, but he never dies of old age. It is from hopper to cricket and from cricket to hopper. See? Before tomorrow night I'll knock that professor's theories into a cocked hat." "But you can't, Mr. Bowser?you ran't. Tou can't find anywhere in natural history that a grasshopper turns Into % cricket, and vice versa. You might as well say that water turns i into vinegar and back again. Your theory is utterly untenable." "Just what the professor said," smiled Mr. Bowser, "but I'll make you both take back seats before another sunset." ^But how?how?" Where He Could Get Information. "Why, by going to headquarters, of course?to the farmer himself. He is the man to get your points on natural history from. He is always observing; he is always accumulating knowledge of the things around him; he knows the grasshopper and the cricket as no one else can. I shall go into the country tomorrow and converse with about a dozen farmers, and when I come back Trofessor Schermerhorn and you will be dead ducks and the world will be an idea the wiser. The next day look out for Bowser's new discovery in the papers." ' Say. dear." began Mrs. Bowser as she got her pleading look on, "please give It up. Give it up right here and now." "W-h-a-t!" "You are in the wrong, and you'll find it out so to your confusion. A hopper never becomes a cricket." "Give it up! Why, woman, what are you talking about? I've got the only chance that has ever come to me to become famous, and you coolly sit there and ask me to give it up. Not on your life! A grasshopper turns into a cricket in the fall and then back to a hopper in the spring, and I'll bet my life on it. For 4,000 years the world has gone on in ignorance of this fact, and I am now going to enlighten it. We must have our schoolbooks and histories corrected. We must have less of Professor Schermerhorn and more of Samuel Bowser. I'd die before giving it up." "And you are going to ask farmers?" "I am." "But you needn't go to the country to do it do down on Jay street to the Farmers' inn, and you will find a dozen stopping there overnight. See what they say before going out in the coun4 W ? Mr. Bowser thought the move a good one and within ten minutes had left the house to carrjr it out As he was descending the steps Mrs. Bowser said: "I hope you will find your theory correct hut if you don't you won't blame me, will you?" "Not at alt" was his reply. "You will In no sense be to blame, and I wonder that you ask me such a silly question." He found the Farmers' inn, and he found the farmers there.. He selected the oldest one of the lot and put the case plump to him. The old toiler bit off a new chew of his plug, thought for awhile and finally said: "Naybur, you are wrong. Grasshoppers live until about the 1st of October and then change into crows. In May of the follerin' spring they change back ag'In." This was a gain over Professor Schermerhorn's theories, but not quite RfttlafnotAPv Mr. RnwRpr tried a see ond farmer. The victim looked at him for a minute to see if he was in earnest and then replied: "You haven't quite hit it, but almost. In the fall the grasshoppers turn into bullfrogs and burrow in the mud. When they come out ih the spring they go to eatin' grass ag'in." A third one was approached. He made Mr. Bowser state his case twice over and then called to the landlord: "You want to git the police here to take this escaped lunatic back to the madhouse. I'm skeered o' him." Mrs. Bowser and the cat sat waiting when Mr. Bowser walked into the house. His knees wabbled; his hair was tousled; his eyes blazed. "Well, do grasshoppers"? she began, when he interrupted with: "Madam, it is early in the evening yet. Tou can pack your trunk and be ready to start for your mother's by the early morning train." M. QUAD Self Evident. "Though many people think so who hear me play," said the long haired amateur with studied carelessness, "I have no intention of becoming a professional musician. I play merely to kill time." "I knew that as soon as I heard you," enigmatically replied one of his listenAl*o D nit? m /\ ??/\ A r? n cio.?juauiiuwi c iiiiiciiLau. Nothing Like Being Consistent. "Does Gladys look any different since she and her husband have separated?" "Yes. She wears her hair a la divorcee." "Heavens! How's that?" "Parted."?Smart Set. An Effort to Enlighten. "Father," said little Rollo, "how do you hunt elephants?" "With a rifle and a camera and an unabridged dictionary, though to tell the truth, son, I'm not so sure about the rifle."?Washington Star. The Milky Way. "Chauffeur, chauffeur, I have a dinner engagement in Mars in a few moments. Why this delay?" Chauffeur?Very sorry, sir, but I have struck the Milky Way, and the propeller is clogged with butter.?Harper'* Weekly. STTTI I ?1 W?IM 11 ! II I ????wa WL~#? MERE MAN. Smith's good helpmeet took the children. To the mountains for a rest, A He remained fa the apartment. jffl Thinking that arrangement best. > In the morn he' cooked his breakfast? N Coffee?then he grabbed his hat. In the sink he left the dishesCup and saucer?just like that: I rff...... ^ ' .Vv ?v. ? Co ! ' I One week passed; still Smith was living On the one man power plan. Much soiled laundry strewed the bedroom Such things happen with a man. Still he boiled his frugal breakfast, I Gulped it and was on the go. There were many unwashed dishes Lying in the sink just so: i O0O0O0O0O0O0O0 Time went on: this man persisted In thus living all alone. Twice he did a bit of houseworkSweeping?he was not a drone. One fine day the absent helpmeet. Sharer of his woes and bliss. Entered, and she found the dishes Piled up in the sink like this: OoOo 0O0O0O0 0O0O0O0O0O O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0 O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O ?Charles R. Barnes in Puck. Gracefully Turned. Young Wife (rather nervously)?Oh. cook, I must really speak to you. Your master is always complaining. One day it is the soup, the second day it is the fish. the third day it is the jointin fact, It is always something or other. Cook (with feeling)?Well, mum, I'm sorry for you. It must be quite hawful to live with a gentleman of that sort?Philadelphia Inquirer. Loes of Time. "Nora," said Mrs. Green severely, 'T saw you standing by the window kissing the iceman this morning. Now, tomorrow morning I shall stand guard myself." Nora laughed over her pans. " *Tis no use, mum," she giggled. "He wouldn't kiss yez now. He proposed this morning, awn Oi accepted him."?Houston Post Putting His Foot In It. "It's good to see you again. Smidgley, after all these years and talk over old times. By the way, I remember there was a pretty schoolteacher that was a good deal stuck on you at one time. She got over it, didn't she?" "I hope not, Gunson. I married her about ten years ago."?Chicago Trlb? tine. > A Pet. "She treats her husband like a dog." "Indeed!" "Yes, just pets him and fondles him and boasts about him all the time."? Kansas City Times. A New One. Kind Lady?What was your last occupation, my poor man? Gritty George?I was valet in a sawmill. mum. ? - ? * ? - tit# Jxinci L.aay ? vaiet m a sav/mui; Gracious! What were your duties? Gritty George?I had to dress undressed lumber, mum.?St Louis PostDispatch. His One Comfort. "But," said the kind hearted housekeeper, "don't you know that in the whole world there is no place like home?" "Sure, lady," replied Walker Rhoads, "dat's de reason i feel so happy travelin* from place ter place."?Minneapolis Journal. Inexplicable. "Napoleon continues to hold hie place as a hero." "Yes. I can't understand it He never made a three bagger for the home team when the bases were filled and the score was tied."?Chicago Record-Herald. No Parting There. "No, I haven't seen Blllinger for years. Does he still part his hair la the middle?' "He can't." "Has his hair gone?" "Yes. to parts unknown."?Cleveland Plain Dealer. Too Mild. "That was a great purification they had in San Francisco." "Yes; the reign of graft is pver." "Rain, man! It was a cloudburst" f Nearly $15 a Do you want If not store it i from fire and da I Do you owe without having If so store it and the Farme will advance yo I T. B. 1 President Sta CITIZI Do You FU We have every art Installment, are the vei giving them just what 1 erate what we carry in | see us, you will find an; Bed Room, Dining Roo 1 you read this advertiser i NEW HOME SEM installments. See us be ! JHES-ST V VIVBIV V9 VV | 1208 M Two Passe Has S Pullin South We still hav Wire Fence fo exactly right. THE THA ill W" Dry Gooi Oar line of "LJ ? i n r?i^ A rnn A ? j.j.cLio auipsa ai pare favorably have everythin children. Don We have a fi best that mone] all. See us bef REYN SWANSEA, Cotton bale less than a ye to sell cotton at pres< n a warehouse and ,mage. debts and want to to sell your cotton? in our warehouse at irs Loan and Trust u money on it. , STACKHOUSE indard Warehouse C< -? - - -- - - ENS OF LEXINGTOI Need Any Kin RNITURE! icle in this line, and our prices, either 1 :y lowest. We take pride in serving our they want at prices that suit. It is useles stock, but we assure you, if you will only y kind of Furniture you may need for y m or Kitchen. Think of us while at h uent and be sure to call when in Columbi 'I!NG MACHINES?Low prices for cash )fore you buv. mi mm alii Street, Columbia, S. C Elections Haw >d and Weithe ItAnnArl tliA Wifi ig at Swansea Carolina. : e plenty of the famous Pittsburg Perf r all purposes. You will find our pri lis, Notions, Shoes and Hats seasonable Drv Goods, Notions, Shoes a lything we have ever shown, and will co with any in this section of the State. A g in wearing apparel for men, women a 't buy others until you have seen ours, ill line of Staple and Fancy Groceries?t r can buy. Our prices and terms will pie* ore you buy. We are here to please. OLDS & CRAF" The Leaders # t C i 1 ?B???a???KM s* * ar ago.- |. mt prices? ( i mm protect it | m pay them I Columbia I Company ( 1 )mpany 1 II ill I, d of i l , " 1 ! for Cash or 1 customers, ;s to enum- I drop in to our Parlor tome when ' a. and liberal ECO. I a e r 6 w \ ect ces * 0 \ nd m- * Vp nd he ise r c.