Mr. Bowser's
L Dairy Farm
<
Philosopher Figures Out That
1 There Is a Fortune In
Keeping Cows.
5s^>\ 'V.'
WIFE VETOES HIS PLAN
She Tells of a Lot of Expense That
Her Lord and Master Has Over'
looked In Estimates.
? .
[Copyright, 1906, by E. C. Pareelis.]
Happening to look out of the
window the other day an hour
before Mr. Bowser's time for
coming home, Mrs. Bowser
caught sight of him and a strange man
,walking up and down as if viewing j
the house. When they had finished
with the front they went around to
the alley, and it was almost an hour
before the man went away and Mr. j
JJowser entered the house. j
"Well, is it another cow?" he was j
asked.
"My dear Mrs. Bowser," he replied,
in a paternal way and with a broad
smile on his face, "I have some news
to delight you. Tomorrow I expect to
complete negotiations for the exchange
of this house for a farm. You know I
have been hoping to make an exchange
for the last, five years."
"We will talk it over." said Mrs.
Bowser, as she motioned him to a chair.
"Yes, we will talk it over, but you
can't possibly find any fault. I bave
got facts and figures right down pat to
prove to yon that it will be the best
deal of our lives."
"What sort of a farm is it?"
Wanted a Dairy Farm.
1 "A dairy farm, my dear. I have
given up the idea of chickens. It is a
dairy farm of eighty acres, and we
shall exchange even up. The man is
% "I SHALL PUT rr UP IN FANCY CAKES."
so anxious to get into the city to edu*
cate his daughter that he will make
most any sacrifice. Now listen to me.
I start in the dairy business with
y thirty cows. The milk can be estimated
at 300 quarts per day- If sold at 5
cents a quart to Creamery there is
$15 a day, or $105 per week. All we
"Save to do is to deliver the milk and
take a check. I shall sell only half the
milk, however. The remainder will be
made into butter. 1 shall put it up in
fancy cakes and call it 'Bowser's Best.'
The sales will amount to about $8 per
day, and on the sour milk and whey I
ihall fatten about fifty hogs during the
year. When these are marketed the
total Income per week for the year will
be about $125. We will call it $7,000
per year. We live well, have the benefit
of the country air and make $7,000
per year, and if you have got any fault
to find with that you must be hard to
please. Such a bargain as this man is
willing to give me can't be picked up
once in a hundred years. What do you
think of it?"
"You start with thirty cows?"
queried Mrs. Bowser.
"From thirty to thirty-five."
"They are on the farm and part of
the bargain, are they?"
"Why, no. I must buy them."
"Oh, 1 see. Has the farm a barn for
cows?"
"I?I don't think so, but I can buna
one."
- Mrs. Bowser Makes Estimates.
"Of course. Let us sec. Thirty good
cows wiil cost you $1,200. To build a
dairy barn will cost you at least $800
more. There is $2.00o to start with.
Had you figured on*that?"
Mr. Bowser swallowed away at his
Adam's apple and began to turn pale.
"To run a dairy of thirty cows you
will have to have two men. They must
milk, feed, drive the milk to the creamery,
etc. You can figure on $50 per
month as wages, and, of course, you
must board them. You must add $600
to the $2,000 in the first year's expenses.
Has the farm got at least
thirty acres of good grass land?"
"I?I didn't ask about that, but of
course it has."
"Well, if it has you are all right for
the summer. What about the winter?
Those cows must be fed from November
to May. Each one will consume
from two to three tons of hay. What
about sixty or seventy tons of hay and
the soft feed in addition?"
"Wbman, what are you trying to get
at?" shouted Mr. Bowser, as he pounded
on the table with his fist.
"The actual state of affairs," she renlUwt
"Thoro urlll hft at leftst OM
month out of twelve when half your
cows will be farrow or nursing their
si
calves. Have you figured out that loss
of railk?"
"But the calves alone will net me a
thousand dollars a year."
What It Woald Cost Him.
"Then you are greater than the beef
trust. If every one of your thirty
cows had a calf, the thirty calves
might bring you $200, but.no more. In
figuring on the expenses of the first
year we will say that your hay and soft
^*?^1 -ran SI TtlO Thflt is a VGIT
i-W WO V J VV? Ya? VW? ? ? ? - w
close estimate. You must buy a team
of horses, wagon, milk cans, pails,
churns, etc. You must allow at least
?500 for these things."
"Not on your life! Not if I knowhow
to cipher! Why, you must take
me for the biggest fool in the state!"
"You can submit my figures to any
one you will. You have estimated your
income altogether too high. The cows
will give much less milk in the winter.
Some of th^m may be ailing or die.
The price of hay may go up. Instead
si* CIO" r\rn? TfCkoL- rnn shmilil flon
j VI ?? ^ VM w-v?v. -c
$75. Out of this, "Seven after you get
started, must come the expenses of
feed, help and the keep of your team.
You "will hare to turn in and work
yourself, and if there is any 'Bowser's
Best' butter made you will have to allow
me an extra girl in the house.
Don't bob around on your chair now,
but figure as a business man."
Figures Encourage Bowser,
"Don't tell me that I am bobbing
around!" shouted Mr. Bowser, so loudly
that he was heard in the next house.
"One would think you were talking to
an infant. I say you are wrong from
beginning to end, I tell you there's at
least $5,000 a year clean profit in this
thing for me, but of course you want
to knock it in the head if you can. By
thunder, what a jackass I am ever to
sit down and talk to you about business!"
. "I don't think you have lost anything
! by it," quietly replied Mrs. Bowser.
"However, if you think I am wrong,
please show me where. Can you buy
cows for less than $40 apiece? Haven't
you got to have a barn? Haven't you
got to have help? Haven't you got to
have feed? Tell me where my figures
are too high."
"What's the use? You don't want to
be convinced, and you won't be. I am
offered the opportunity of my life, and
you stand in the way and try to make
me out an idiot."
"You are hardly- fair with me, Mr.
Bowser. If you will show me where I
am wrong in my figures I'll cheerfully
start a dairy farm with you."
"I'll bring you figures from a man
who has run a dairy farm himself and
made $10,000 a year at it I'll even
bring the man himself."
A minute later Mr. Bowser was out
of the house and on his way to the
family butcher's. He had often heard
that the butcher was formerly a dairy
farmer, and that his sole object in selling
out and moving into town was to
educate his son in telling the difference
* - ? 1-1 J T o
D0tWfc*t?U iX tUJUCKivueeu ijoibc uuu a.
comic opera. He found the butcher
smoking his pipe and meditating, and
he began:
"Mr. Bones, didn't you used to run a
dairy farm somewhere?"
"I think so," was the cautious answer.
"And you made $10,000 a year?"
"I hare been charged with so doing."
"Weil, now, knowing me as you do,
what would you advise in my case? I
can trade my house and lot for a dairy
farm."
- "??bw many acres?"
"Eighty."
"How many cows?"
"As many as I want to buy. I thought
of starting with thirty."
"How's the cow barn?"
"There isn't any."
"What's your experience?"
"Haven't had any."
Batcher Discourages Plan.
"Mr. Bowser," said the butcher, as
he rose up and got behind the meat
block, "go into the business of raising
jackasses. You have had experience
and can't help but make a success."
There would have been a row had
not a couple of women customers come
in. Mr. Bowser was forced to postpone
the bloodletting to another time,
and he went out and wandered up and
down the street with bent head and
back humped up. His dairy had soured
on him. His "Bowser's Best" would
never be on the market. He would
never rub the backs of cows or fondle
their calves. And men and women
who took notice of him whispered to
each other:
"Say, that's Bowser, that is, and
Mrs. Bowser's got the better of him
again." M. QUAD.
The Joy of It.
First Kid?Bill's stuck up because he
had a birthday party yesterday. I bet
It was on the bum.
rrtA T <4- rnoa CTVcp I
O^WUU ixiu A. IAJI, A v ? "J t
when I had a birthday party I was
sick all the next days-Philadelphia
Press.
An Example cf a Judicial Mind.
At a dinner attended by a score of
well known lawyers recently the phrase [
"judicial mind" was defined by illus- j
tration as follows: "I have searched i
far and wide for a satisfactory defini- j
tion of the inevitable query raised when J
judicial nominations are in sight" said I
one of the lawyers. "Oil a Mississippi
river steamboat some time ago I obtained
my only approximate answer.
A southern colonel who employed the
phrase yielded to my request for a
definition and explained that on a certain
occasion a legal light of Mississippi
was tr^eling in a river steamer
when the boiler exploded. As the boat
was passing the penitentiary at the
time the force of the explosion deposited
the lawyer Inside the walls of the
establishment from which lie had saved j
so many criminals. Being uninjured, j
as a clever lawyer would be under the j
circumstances, he applied to the warden
for a release. The warden listened
to the circumstances as he narrated
them, but declined to release liim. insisting
that with the coming of prison- I
ers he had no concern, but for iheir j
departure he was responsible. He >
therefore compelled the lawyer to wait ;
for a pardon from the governor. That j
is my notion of a judicial mind."?New
York Post.
The Ball In Lawn Tennis.
It is a curious fact that every book
written on lawn tennis cautions the
player to keep his eyes on the ball at
the moment of striking it. yet there are
very few expert players who do so. !
A rifle shot looks at his target, a bowler |
looks at the pins, ftnd a billiard player j
generally looks at the object ball, not j
the cue ball. I have found it next to j
impossible to carry in my mind, while j
moving rapidly to play a flying bail, the i
exact height of the net. the direction of j
the lines of my opponent's court and
his position, so that it has become !
second nature with me and with most
other players to look up in the direction
that the ball is to go before it actually
leaves the racket. It is principally because
the reverse of this is necessary
in golf that lawn tennis players have
so much trouble in mastering the old i
"Scotch game. From tennis habit they
take their eyes off the ball too soon for
golf success.?J. Parmly Paret in Country
Life In America.
The Floor of the Pacific.
The red clay which covers the deep
floors of the Pacific and the Indian j
oceans is made up of refuse and residue
?that which can withstand the strong
chemieai action of the gases. In it
may be found decomposed volcanic
rock. Dumice. zeolitic crystals, man
ganese oxides, meteoric iron, teeth of
sharks and ear bones of whales. Few
if any shore deposits are apparent in it.
The rock is vitreous refuse, belched
forth by subterranean or insular volcanoes.
The minerals are supposed to
be of cosmic origin?planetary dust and
meteoric fragments that have fallen
into the sea and have become disintegrated.
The great quantity of sharks'
teeth remains quite unaccounted for?
at least their apparent gathering together
in these ocean basins is considered
very strange?J. C. Van Dyke in
"The Opal Seal."
\
A Missing Five Franc Piece.
Fully half the grownup people of
France believe the old story that Napoleon
Bonaparte put a check ?f or 100,000
francs in a silver five franc piece and
that the coin is yet in circulation. They
say that the people did not want the
five franc piece and that in order to
create a demand for it Napoleon re- j
sorted to the device mentioned. The j
cuecK or treasury oruer, it is suiu, was
written upon asbestus paper and inclosed
in the metal at the time the coin
was made.- Thousands of five franc
pieces are annually broken open and
have been so inspected since the story
of the check was first circulated.
Right of Way In New York.
Most people in New York think Uncle
Sam's mail wagons are supreme. They
are not The hospital ambulance comes
first. Life is more sacred than mail,
and when the ambulance gong gongs
clear the track. Next in importance is
the fire engine. Property is more important
than mail, and when the engine
toots and the bells ring clear the
why. Then the mail wagons, which
have precedence over everything but
the ambulance and fire engine. This
is settled by city ordinance.?New York
Press.
Two T^itnesses.
In order to test a Chinese witness'
qualification for taking the oath an
English magistrate asked him the other
day where he expected to go when he
died. He replied, "Peking," and was
disqualified.
One in another English court, a little j
girl, in answer to that question said, |
"I don't know." The horrified counsel j
called the judge's attention to the answer.
"Oh, I don't know, either," said
the judge. "Swear the witness."
Sun Worshipers.
One of the best friends the tailor has j
is a spell of warm, bright Aunshine. It t
shows up the shabby portions of dress
and reveals its faded parts in unmis- :
takab'e fashion, with the result that j
the wearers soon find their way to the j
tailor and order a fresh supply of up to !
date styles.?London Tailor and Cutter, j
MiracalonN Multiplication.
A lady who recently bought a dinner I
service consisting of fifty-four pieces i
for ?1 3s. was informed by her house- !
maid the next day that the bargain !
had become still more wonderful, for j
it now consisted of 1,125 pieces. ? i
Punch.
i
Disappointing.
Mrs. Justlooking ? Have you any
hand envbroidered waists? Salesman
(who has waited on her before)?I'm
very sorry to disappoint you, madam,
but we have.?Chicago News.
A HEALTHY OLD AGE
OFTENTHE BEST.PART OFLIFE
Help for Women Passing: Through
Change of Life
Providence has allotted us each at
least seventy years in which to fulfill
our mission in life, and it is generally
our own fault if we die prematurely.
Nervous exhaustion invites disease.
This statement is the positive truth.
When everything- becomes a burden
and you cannot walk a few blocks without
excessive fatigue, and you break
out into perspiration easily, and your
face flushes, and you grow excited and
shaky at the least provocation, and
you cannot bear to be crossed in anything.
you are in danger; your nerves
have given out; you need building up
at once! To build up woman's nervous
system and during the period of
/%Vi n rrrt /\ ? TT*n lm AT7? A+' T"1 A
V/i nuv" Vi "v uv-1,''v'
medicine than Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound. Here is an illustration.
Mrs. Mary L. Koehne. 371
Garfield Avenue, Chicago, 111., writes :
" I have used Lydia E. Pinkfaam Wegetable
Compound for years an my family and it
never disappoints; so when I felt that I was
nearing the change of life I commenced treatment
with it. I took in all about six bottles
and it did me a great deal of good. It stopped
my dizzy spells, pains in my back and the
headaches with which I had suffered for
months before taking the Compound. I feel
that if it had not been for this great medicine
for women that I should not have been alive
to-day. It is splendid for women,old or young,
and will surely cure all female disorders."
Mrs. Pinkham, daughter-in-law of
Lydia E. Pinkham, of Lynn, Mass., invites
a" sick and ailing women to write
her for advice. Her great experience
is at their service, free of cost.
Fun ny Sayings by
Bright Little Tots
SUNDAY Sehoal Teacher?What
did the wicked men do alter casting
Daniel into the fiery furnace?
Bright Boy?They asked if it was
hot enough for him.
Little Bessie was much interested in
the trilling of a vocalist at a private
entertainment. "Oh, mamma," she exclaimed,
"I do hope I can gargle like
that when I get growed up!"
Tommy (aged four)?Say, mamma, <
can God make anything he wants to?
Mamma?Certainly, dear.
Tommy?Well, I wish he'd make me
a stick of candy with only one end
to it
Little Bess?Mamma, what makes
papa's head so shiny on top?
Mamma?He has lost his hair, dear.
Little Bess?Well, why don't he advertise
and offer a reward for its return?
Mamma?Johnny, I do wish you
would make less noise in the early
morning. You always wake me up,
and I prefer to wake up naturally.
Johnny?Well, isn't it natural for
folks to wake up when they hear a
noise?
While out walking with her father
one evening little Margie became very
tired, and he was obliged to carry her.
"Am I very heavy, papa?" she asked.
"Indeed you are. pet." he replied.
"Well," continued Margie, "you
ought to be awful tickled that I ain't
twins."
Visitor?What seems to be the |
trouble, Harry? Why so sad?
Harry?Papa is goin' to whip mo
when he comes home.
Visitor?Indeed! What will you give
me to take the whipping off your
hands?
Harry?He ain't goin' to whip me on
my hands.?Chicago News.
One Advantage.
City Man (carpingly)?Whew, but it'i
hot! I am told that the mercury frequently
stands at 110 in the shade here.
Farmer Summerboard (cheeringiy)?
Well, you don't hafter stay in the
shade, ye know.?Puck.
Mlgrht Have Been Wornc.
Xewed?Our cook skipped out last
night and too'.: all our silver spoons.
Singleton?That's bad.
Newed?Well, it might have been
worse. She also took my wife's cookbook?Houston
Post.
Poor Memory.
Aunt (to a friend)?Yes, you can believe
me. I was once a pretty and
much sought after girl, wasn't I. Max?
Relative (much perplexed)?I?I can't
rightly remember just now, Amelia.?
W?f?nor Wirzmatr.
If the Baby is Cutting Teeth,
Be sure and use that old and well tried
remedy, Mrs. Winslow's Soothing
Syrup, for children teething. It soothes
the child, softens the gums, allays 1
all pain, cures wind colic and is the :
best remedy for diarrhoea. Twentyfive
cents a bottle,
tf It is the best of all.
1730 MAIN STREET,
S Is where you can find oj
i fig nas a
1 OF ALL
DOORS, SA
BLINDS
LIME AND
j CABINET ]
S Call or write for Prices.
i i i
mm - km _ i
1603 MAIN STEEE1
WASH GOODS!
Colored organdies in all the latest
figures 121c. quality 10c.
100 pieces Scotch Lawn 4c.
We have a special value in large
figured Lawn?Ask to see them.. 6]c.
27-inch Brown Linen 10c.
Light Merrimack prints oc.
Dress gingham oc.
WHITE GOODS"
40-inch Lawn 10c.
82-inch Lawn, special value 5c.
27-inch Organdie 10c.
72-inch Organdie 25c.
27-inch White Linen 15c.
36-inch White Linen 25c.
DEESS GOOESANDSILKS.
We are deceiving new goods in this depr.vtmenf
daily ?
50-inch ??itiir, all colors 48c.
36-inch Briilanfine blue and black.. 25c. j
27-incli China Silk, all colors 4Sc. I
lS-incli White Jap Silk 25c. I
"We have some very good barg
will be pleased to have our ]
shown through our stock.
I The Palmetto j
couumb:
United States Government, Stat
Capital paid in
Surplus profits
Liability of Stockholders
Security for depositors
Interest allowed in Savings Depart
Payable Q
United States bonds
South Carolina bonds
OFFIC
Wilie Jones, President. J
J. J. Seibels, First Vice-Pres. ^
Thos. Taylor. Secoud Vice-Pres. T
(This is the people's bank?"of the
people."
Loans to small merchants and sms
ones. We want your business, Ba
8 o'clock p. m. for accommodation c
Tim Store Where (jaali
Post OflB.ce Block
nAi usinii ft ft 1
UULUEH&ifl, 3. U., iS
ne of the best stocks of $
KINDS. I j|
.SH,
& GLASS, I v
CEMENT. |
? *
MANTLES. I
t
. <*
\ COLUMBIA, S. C.
MILLINERY! MILLINERY! I
Miss Eleanor Clary will be in charge
of onr Millinery Department again thisseason,
this being our first season in
SPRING MILLINERY
4*.
you will find evervthintr npw a-nrl n-n
to-date in this department. Call and seeus
before purchase! ng a hat.
1 SPECIALS.
Art Squares $3.9& *
Rugs 27x63, special 98c..
1000 yards Embroidery 5c..
1000 yards Embroidery, special. ... 10c.
Corset cover, Embroidery 20 and 25c.
Gilt Eelts .- 25 and 50c.
Leather Belts 25 and 50c.
jr
Mennens Talcum Powder 15c.
ains in all departments and we
Lexington friends call and be
National Bank, I
[A, s. c. m
e, City and County Depository. V
$250,000 00
i2,5G0 oo m
250,000 00 W
$515,500 00 IJH
ment at 4 per cent, per Annum,
uarterly.
$100,000 00 Ml
82,000 00
P. Matthews, Cashier. V !
?V. M. Gibbes, Jr., Ass't. Cashier, m /
Weston & Aycock, Attorneys. B;
; people, for the people and by the ;
til farmers as much desired as large M
nk opens every Saturday from 6 to #
)f wage earners. 0
: BEST!
ily and Price Counts.
We now have a complete stock of all
the Leathers and Toes. We can save
you money on your Spring and Summer
foot wear, as we bought this stock early
last Fall before the rise in the leather
market hence you can see that this means
a saving to the purchaser of about 25 ^
per cent, on your shoes.
Fanners medium and heavy" weight
work shoes a specialty.
JE&l
, Columbia. S. C.
OUR PIES
tve found favor with everybody
babes and men, the little girl in
nafores and her mother and her ?
andmother. They are of the
Feet, delicious, wholesome,
elt-in-your -mouth kind, and
e're anxious to have you try J
Lem if you don't know the pro- M
icts of" our ovens. If you" do J
iow we won't have to ask you. I
EIDLINGER'S STEAM BAKERY, I
COLUMBIA, S. C. J
r
I