Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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j?W???waynHWHWMWB?MBEMB Poor Bowser | The Martur He Supers and Suffers and Declares Its AH the Fault of fe*" k ' s His Wife. | MIND IS SLIGHTLY OFF c- > Philosopher Seems to Be Afflicted With an- Unusual Attack of LAbsentmmdedness. [Copyright, 1906, by R. Douglas.] Ik M RS. BOWSER and the cat were Jl/I looking out of the front winI V 1 ^ow otber evening when * "**? /.a m a homa frnm ;m. Luuit ii</uiv i?v? the office. They saw him drop off the street car at the corner, and they knew that something had occurred to put him i out. He came along down the walk with a scuff, scuff, scuff, his head down pi; and his back humped up, and Mrs. Bowser sighed and the cat uttered a meow. He scuffed up the steps, unlocked the door in an uncertain way, and there was no longer any doubt of what would happen. Mrs. Bowser greeted him pleasantly, but he had nothing to say. She led the way down to the dining room, and he followed without a word. She had a few little extras for dinner, bnt he hardly tasted of the meal. He would sip at his coffee and sigh; then he would take a mouthful of potato and sigh some more; then he would look fixedly at the beefsteak and the tears almost started from his eyes. Knew What Wa> Coming. Mrs. Bowser was not alarmed. She had seen just such fits before. She knew what would happen as soon as they reached the sitting room, but she did not let it interfere with her appe POUND THE OTHKR DANGLING DOWN HIS BACH. 1^. tite. Although ho gazed at her with reproaches in his looks, she chatted away about trifles until the meal was finished and dic3cst seem to notice that he wasn't enjoying himself. It was only when they had got seated for that she asked: "Has anything gone wrong with yon today. Mr. Bowser?" "Yon are the one who ought to know," he sternly replied as he turned on her. "Why, how should I know, dear?" "Perhaps you will tell me what you call that," he said as he produced a j hairbrush and slammed it down on the 1 table at her elbow. > j "It's a hairbrush, and it looks like the one you've had for the last six months." "So it is, but where did I find it this j morning when I took the car and went i to get out my handkerchief? I ask you where I found it. I ask you to imagine the smiles and giggles of the passengers as I drew it from my pocket." - ?v ? "That is just like you. After brushing your hair this morning you put the brush in your pocket. Mr. Bowser, you must break yourself of being so absentminded." Did Not Look After Him. "And yet you, my wife?the woman who should look after me?let me go away with that brush in my pocket! You didn't care a tinker's tunk, Mrs. Bowser, whether I went away with a hairbrush or a handkerchief in my pocket. That's your wifely love and care for me! If you had been on the street car when I pulled it out and wiped my mouth on the back of it you'd have probably giggled the same as the other tomfool women did." "Well, what else?"' she asked, smiling in spite of herself. "Look at this blamed old collar!" he thundered, as he rose up. "Do you see how it's raveled out on the edges? Do you see three paint spots on it? Do you see that even a longshoreman would be ashamed to wear it?" "I see it, Mr. Bowser. Yesterday I hunted up a lot of your old collars and put them in a bag to give away to tramps. With two dozen new collars in your dresser you went to the bag and got this one out. Why do you do such things?" "I don't do 'em!" he shouted. "But if I did it's your business as a loving wife to notice them before I go away. All day long the bottoms of my trousers have been under my feet. Maybe you will tell me that I slipped out of the bouse last night and stole a pair belonging to a giant?" She rose and walked over to him and unbuttoned his vest and threw it open. Only doe suspender was in sight. She pulled cfT Ills coat and found the ether j dangling dorm his hack. For a moment j he was beaten. Then he flushed up and j exclaimed: "Yes, but why in thunder didn't you [ discover it this morning? I heard some I fellers guying me on the street at noon, j and I'll bet it was about that dangling | suspender. Mrs. Bowser"? "What else has happened?" she interrupted. 'Take a look at this necktie, will you? Is it a necktie or a piece of tarred rope?" "There you are again. You couldn't be satisfied to drag out an oia collar, but you must get a necktie to match. What do you do such things for?" "Don't lay it on to me, and don't think to bluff me!" he sternly exclaimed. "Woman, there is such a thing as divorce, thank heaven!" "But if you'd apply for one it would turn out to be a mortgage ou the house. Now, then, what else?" "My socks!" hoarsely whispered Mr. Bowser as he pointed at his feet. "What about them?" Hi* Eyesight Poor. "Full of holes, crevices, chasms, ravines. They have hurt my feet all day. Look at them, guilty woman, and let the blush of shame mantle your cheek!" He sat down and took off his shoes. There were holes in the toes and heels of his socks. They were not holes * which a yearling calf could have passed through, but yet they were of respectable size and only waiting for warm showers to grow larger. Mr. Bowser looked at Mrs. Bowser with accusing 1 ?nof n ? iUUKS, tlilU 5JJC mil u^oiauo auu ? ed after a moment with eight pairs of I socks as fresh as new pins. "They were right there in front of your nose, but you scrabbled around and got that pair somewhere," she said. "Are the complaints ended?" "I left my eyeglasses on the table this morning. You knew I did. The cook knew I did. The blamed old yaller cat knew I did, and yet the whole caboodle of you saw me start out without them and never said a word. I had to go out and buy a pair before I could do any work. By John, but when I think of these things"? Mrs. Bowser passed down the hall to where his spring overcoat was hanging on the rack and, after feeling in the pockets, came back with the lost glasses in her hand and observed: "You'll put them in the letter box some day if you don't look out. What else?" Mr. Bowser stood back and fixed fier with his eye for a time and then pointed down to his shoes and tensely demanded: "What do you call these?" "Shoes,"she replied?"shoes with holes t in the toes and the heels all run over. | You put them on last evening when j you were cleaning up the back yard, | and this morning you forgot to change ! to the others.' It was my fault. I ought to go around looking at your feet. Will yon please forgive me? The cook missed a fork and a napkin after you left the table this morning. Will you look through your pockets for them? I was going to give cook an old | corset today, but I couldn't find it. Have you got it ou? One of my liightj dresses is strangely missing. Can you account for it? My belt with the rhinestone buckle can't be found. I don't think you could buckle it around you, but you may be using it for a stocking supporter. My last new shirt waist"? . No One Loved Him. Mr. Bo-\'er turned on his heel and ' Yirtll f A ln'o f ? ailitU uu ?> 11 luu uaii iv UiO v? vi vvuv and hat and then left the house. That house was no place for a martyT. Mrs. Bowser was no wife for a martyr. No one loved him; no one sympathized with him. He instinctively turned his face toward the river, but he had hardly cleared the gate when the weather got her sprinkling pot to work, and* down came a shower that drove him under the nearest shade t'ee. He was a martyr some more.v He stood there with his back humped up and the water running down his spine, and Mrs. Bowser never came to the door to call him in and beg his pardon. Indeed, as the rain came down harder and a policeman across the street yelled to him to move on he heard the guilty woman singing: "I would not live alway; I ask not to stay"? M. QUAD. Awaken in sr. "The Chinese are getting to be quite expert in military matters, aren't they?" "Yes; they are beginning to realize that the man behind the gun is more important than the man behind the ; washboard."?Washington Star. Top Liner. "What are your favorite books?" asked the literary person. "Really," answered Mrs. Shopleigh, "I can't name them all offhand, but my husband's pocketbook heads the list."?Houston Post. wVa cation." Still Praylna: For a Man. She's got a brand new auto cap. She's got some auto clothes. She's got a pair of goggles and A smell guard for her nose, She's got a veil quite big enough For a mosquito bar, And now she's praying for a man Who's got an auto car. ~Yonkers Statesman. IgBBBMaBBBgBIWCaBaBEWaPBBaCgHBBWl 11 MBMK A STORM IN THE JUNGLE. It Comes "With a Roar Like That of o Giant Waterfall. Feople who have never been :n a jungle talk of the sky as a painter talks of the horizon or a seafaring man of the offing?as if when you wanted to see it-you only need use your eyes. But in the jungle you don't see the sky?at least you only see a few scraggy patches of it overhead through the openings in the twigs and leaves. Neither do 3*ou feel the wind bolwing, nor get burned or dazzled by the sun, nor even see that luminary except by momentary glimpses about midday, from which it follows that a jungle man does not usually pretend to be weatherwise. If he does he is even a greater humbug than the rest of the weather prophets. On the afternoon about which we are speaking I remember setting forth on my walk in the still glow of the tropical calm and wondering rather at the intense stillness of the surrounding forest. Then the air grew cooler and the green of the foliage in front seemed to deepen, and presently there was a sound as of a giant waterfall in the distance. "Waterfalls do not, however, crow louder every second, whereas the noise in front did so. Then there was a loud, angry growl, as of a dozen lions. A minute more and the whole jungle began to roar as if fifty squadrons of heavy cavalry were coming up at a gallop. Then came a drop of rain and a peal of thunder which seemed to make the world stop. Then the storm began. The sky above darkened; the trees clattered; the brushwood beneath hissed and bowed itself. A deluge of raindrops blotted out the naiTow view, bown it came, soaking through the densest leaves under which one fled for- refuge, striking the grass and sand with millions of dull thuds, dashing furiously against the leaves as if they were so many hostile shields, streaking the air with innumerable perpendicular lines and hurling itself down with the force of bullets. In such a downpour one may as well, walk and get wet as stand still and get wet. Unfortunately one did not know where to walk to. The "circumDenuibus system" presupposes the fact that the wagon wheels and bullock tracks can be seen and noted, but when the cart track is no longer a cart track, but "all turned to rushing waters." such tracks cannot be seen, and unless you have a pocket compass you may as well try to fly as to get back to where you came from.* When one reads of travelers lost in the backwoods, they always steer by the sun?and probably very badly?but when there is no sun what are you to do??Siam Press. The lee of Greenland. The largest mass of ice in the world is probably the one which fills up nearly the whole of the interior of Greenland, where it has accumulated since hpfnrA tho, rlflxvTi of history. It is be lieved to now form a block about G00,000 square miles in area and averaging a mile and a half in thickness. According to these statistics, the lump of ice is larger in volume than the whole body of water in the Mediterranean, and there is enough of it to cover the whole of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland with a layer about seven miles thick. If it were cut into two convenient slabs and built up equally upon the entire surface of "gallant little Wales" it would form a pile more than 120 miles high. There is ice enough in Greenland to bury the entire area of the United States a quarter of a mile deep.?London Globe. A Dowry on Approval. A curious custom prevails among ^ ? ~ Roumanian peasants. u nen u riuumanian girl is of a marriageable age, all her trousseau, which has been carefully woven, spun and embroidered by her mother and herself, is placed in a painted wooden box. When a young man thinks of asking to be allowed to pay his attentions to the girl he is at liberty at first to open the box, which is always placed conveniently at hand, 1 and examine the trousseau. If the suitor is satisfied with the quantity and quality of the dowry he makes a formal application for the girl's hand, but if, on the contrary, the trousseau does not please him, he is quite at liberty to retire. Man and His Valet. | "I never saw a man so entirely dependent on his valet." "Quite helpless without him, eh?'' "Quite helpless. Mabel told me that when he came to propose he brought his valet with him." "What was that for?" "Why, when he reached the proper place his valet spread a hemstitched handkerchief on the floor for him to kneel upon."?Cleveland Plain Dealer. Diplomatically Put. j "I am afraid you are absolutely govj erned by your wife." j "No," answered Mr. Meekton, who j had been reading the foreign news, "I'm not absolutely governed by her, I but I must admit that I am very much j within her sphere of influence."?Washi ington Star. i A Choice of Evils. Landlady?Would you advise me to j send my daughter to a cooking school i or to a music school? Boarder (reflec| lively)?"Well, I think I'd send her to a I cooking school. It may be more fatal I in its results hut it isn't anvthing like so noisy. stiii gry. "It seems strange," said Deacon Mayberry as be counted the money after church, "that a large congregation can be so siaall."?Philadelphia Telegraph. All human power Is a compound of ! time and patience.?Balzac. Kffiv.iu IX.", .** ^TwiT^cry^ng /'5 *) s /r| * g ? JcM <5 a /7> &*> .f*> 8 'I / >4 $%&*$ V1 A A*. &$ U I i g??arKi?MJJBJtXF?aaa*i iipj!rg^a>-axiCTCBnrr^w)?s ?. .^ rv. . > 1 You C2n depend on Ayer's | i Hair Vigor to restore color to | 8 your gray hair, every time. | I Follow directions and it never 1 ^--1* A^ ^ Jo ?f a?? tr I t of nnr V I rails iu uu mis wuir. h 01 kj^o h TT * .* ? i Hair V isor fallingofthe hair,also. There's j great satisfaction in knowing ! I you are not going to be disap- | pointed. Isn't tliat so? I " My lwir farfprt until it wa* nt'out vliite. It | took ju?C one bottle of A*?r's Hair Vigor to j restore it to its former <!ai*?c. rich color. Your I llair Vigor certainly ili?'? what you Holm for 8 it." ?A. jM. iicxiOAN, lioukingnuiii. N. <J. ? ?1.00 a l>ottle. .1. (\ a v it it ro? B All <irii?r:*Nts. f ^ ? l.ovvul. >Ins<.. O man* i.miuit AMWW ?or Fading flair * im 1 ??b?b??j?kl Opie Read and His Experience In Texas . ^ OPIE READ, who recently made a lecture tour through Texas, tells this story of an experience he hsd down there: "You know," says Mr. Read, "trains are never expected to be on time in Texas. When a train is scheduled to arrive at 8 o'clock you are generally safe in calculating that it will not get there till II or 12. Well, I had an engagement in a certain town one night and was at another station about twenty miles away. There was a train which would land me at the objective point at 7 o'clock in the evening, if it happened to be on time, but I thought it would be well to make inquiries. In reply to my question the station agent said: " T reckon there ain't no use expectin' the train to get here much before 10 o'clock. It's been on time once this year, but it ain't no ways safe dependin' on it.' "Not being in a position to take any chances I hired a man with a buggy to take me across country. After the lecture I found a number of traveling men at the hotel, and they were all anxious to get away. There was a train scheduled for 7:15 in the morning. but the landlord said he reckoned it wouldn't be along much before noon, as it bad never arrived on schedule time or if it had nobody remembered it. "Still, Ave all got up bright and early the next morning, none of us being disposed to miss the train if it happened to be on time, and we were thrown into a state of great excitement when at 7:10 there was a long toot, heralding the train's approach. Everybody hurried down to the station and there, right on the dot of 7:15, the train pulled in. We were so happy at the prospect of getting away and so filled with enthusiasm over the engineer's achievement in bringing the train through on time that we decided to make up a purse for him. When everybody had chipped in a spokesman was appointed, and he went to the cab to present the hook.?Yonkers Statesman. If the Baby is Cutting Teeth, 1 Be sure and use that old and well tried j remedy, Mrs. Winslow's Soothing- i Syrup, for children teething. It sooth- i es the child, softens the gums, allays j all pain, cures wind colic and is the j best remedy for diarrhoea. Twenty- j five cents a bottle. tf It is the best of all. Hope*. *T hope the government will fix up some scheme to prevent the railroads from costing the people tpo much," said the earnest citizen. "Yes," answered Farmer Corntossel, "an' then maybe the railroads will try to get back an' keep the government from costin' the people too much."? Washington Star. Pleasure Trips. Cheap rates can now be obtained on the railroads to visit Charleston and the Isles Palm; Savannah and Tybe; Asheville and the mountains and numerous other summer resorts and places of amusement. Take a Sunday's trip of pleasure and see the sights and have a nice time. Ask your dealer for T. X. L. &&2&ES33BEEBSBE3BSEBBBgSaBBlE&S3B2X I? JESJ^LJES* AIR LINE NORTH- 8 0 U TJ Two Daily Pullman Yestibi SOUTH AXl > First Class Dining Car Service. I Eastern cities via Kichmond and steamers to Atlanta, Nashville, Mei New Orleans and all points South and Jacksonville and all points in shortest line North and South. ?5^TFor detailed information, ra &c., apply to any agent of the Seal BURROUGHS, Traveling Passeng CHARLES fTsTEWART, Assis savann IT 1 I WHOLESALE 1603 MAIN STBEE' WASH GOODS. Colored organdies in all the latest figures 12.\c. quality 10c. 100 pieces Scotcli Lawn 4c. We have a special value in large figured Lawn?Ask to see them.. 6]c. 27-inch Brown Linen 10c. Light Merrimack prints 5c. Dress gingham oc. WHITE GOODS! 40-inch Lawn 10c. 32-inch Lawn, special value oc. 27-inch Organdie 10c. 72-inch Organdie 25c. 27-inch White Linen 15c. 3G-inch White Linen 25c. little speech the cash was offered, but the engineer pushed it away, saying: " 'Gentlemen, I fully appreciate your good will and the generous spirit which has prompted you to make up this purse, but I cannot accept the money. My conscience will not permit me to do it. This is yesterday's train.' "?Chicago Record-Herald. Quarrel Over the Telephone. She (in a huff, at the telephone)?Is this Mr. Huggins? lie (recognizing the voice)?Yes, dear. "Don't you dear me!" "Why, Fannie! What's the"? "Don't Fannie me either. Mr. Ifuggins! I've found you out at last!*' "Why, Fannie, there must be some mistake!" "I just called you up to tell you that our engagement is broken off!" "This is pretty sudden. Why didn't you tell me sooner?" with a little laugh. "The wire was busy, that's why!" And bang went the receiver on the DRESS GOODS AND SILKS. | We are receiving new good* in this department daily? 50-inch Mohair, all colors 48c. 30-incli Brillantine bine and black.. 25c. 27-incli China Silk, all colors 48c. 18-inch White Jap Silk 25c. I We have some very good har^ will he pleased to have our shown through our stock. taut* raiificuv COI,UME i United States Government, Sta Capital paid in Surplus profits Liability of Stockholders Security for depositors Interest allowed in Savings Depar Payable C United States bonds South Carolina bonds OFFI< Wilie Jones, President. J. J. Seibels, First Vice-Pres. Thos. Taylor, Second Vice-Pres. This is the people's bank?"of tli people." Loans to small merchants and sm ones. We want your business, B; S o'clock p. m. for accommodation Before Yo u PurcJ^^An^Other Write THE NEW HOME SEWING MACHINE COMPANY ORANGE, MASS. Many Sewing: Machines are made to sell regardless of quality, but the **New Home" is made lo wear. Cur guaranty never runs cut We make Sewing Machines to suit aii conditions of the fade. The " UeViv Home" stands at the head of all nigh-grnde family sewing machines | Sold by authorized dealers, only, rOR SALE EY W. i>. KOOF, | I L-x'.tit't,) -. S. HILTON'S ; Life for fhe Liver & Kidneys. # THE BEST PREPARATION KNOWN j FOR THE CURE OF Dyspesio, Liver Complaint and Disorders of the Kidneys ?? ? ?' ?? - mm m wmm ^ m. ??<pi IT IS PLEASANT TU TAAE. It excites a pleasing sense of warmth in the stomach, diffusing itself through j the sygtem. It augments the appetite, im- j proves digestion, wards off malarial and | thus prevents chills and fever, and is a perfect regulator to the whole system. 25., 50c, and SI.00 bottles. For sale I at the Bazaar. Wholesale by the Murray j Drug Co., Columbia, lj?July 6, 05, tf. 1 1 agBEaaaggaaaagssaESB^ES agaaag? O.SLR2) I ' KAILWAY. I 3-EAST- WEST. lie Limited Trains Between NEW YORK. The best rates and route to al Washington, or via Norfolk and nphis, Louisville, St. Louis, Chicago, and Southwest to Savannah and Florida and Cuba. Positively the tes, schedules, Pullman reservations* xiard Air Line Railway or to W. Ler Agent, Columbia, S. C. stant General Passenger Agent AH, GA. aSff' rt COLUMBIA, S. C. MILLINERY! MILLINERY! Miss Eleanor Clary will be in charge of onr Millinery Department again this season, this being onr first season in SPRING MILLINERY yon will find everything new and npto-date in this department. Calland see us before purchaseing a hat. ______ __ - w' SPECIALS. j Art Squares $3.98 [ Rugs 27x63, special 98c. 1 An/; 3- T??i -J j ww varus -Ciiiiuroiuery DC. 1000 yards Embroidery, special. ... 10c. Corset cover, Embroidery 20 and 25c. Gilt Belts 25 and 50c. Leather Belrs .25 and 50c. | Mennens Talcnm Powder 15c. ?ains in all departments and we Lexington friends call and be Mioeal Bank, f ;ia, s. c. g te, City and County Depository, B ?250,000 00 S 12,500 00 B 250,000 00 a ?515,500 00 H tment at 4 per cent, per Annum, B Quarterly. B ?100,000 oo a 82,000 00 m :brs. 3 J. P. Matthews, Cashier. B W. M. Gibbes, Jr., Ass't. Cashier, a Weston & Aycock. Attorneys. B e people, for the people and by the 9 all farmers as much desired as large fl ank opens every Saturday from 6 to |* of wage earners. ~ SB ' i Will Save vou Money in liis ! " : ! Haberdashery ! j DEPARTMENT. J | The Best and Latest Furnishings > | can alwa}'s be found here in > j Shirts, Collars, Guffs, Gloves ! | UNDERWEAR. [ WHITE AND FANCY VESTS, \ < tjF"Our Spring Line of BCL \ ! SOFT and STIFF HATS ? 1 ! ( are here, comprising Knox, Stet- [ ( son and other makes. Prices, > J ?1.00 to ?5.00 i J All tlie New Blocks in > ! | STBAW HATS, j S a At all prices. [ $ SUITS MADE TO ORDER. FIT j | i GUARANTEED. I | (514 Main St.,Cclumhia, S. C. [ <5 J rivwuvuwwvwvwwwwwvw |~J. M. CRAPS, Dealer in all kinds of Furniture, Toilet Sets, COFFINS AND CASKETS. RUGS, MATTRESSES, BLANKETS COMFORTS, BED SPREADS, CLOCKS, WATCHES. .JEWELRY. ETC. LEXINGTON, - - S. C. Angnst 23, 1905. ly. T. X. L. relieves when properly applied.