Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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UBKUyft^NBNnOGEHBSBMBKSEnSflnHSMIMBMBDianOB Bowser Sleeps Out of Boors He Puts Vj> sl Hammock In the Back Yard on the Advice of Kis Doctor and Has a Trying Time cf It. [Copyright, 1001. by T. C. McClurc.] SOON after the Bowsers had finished dinner the other evening a package arrived at the basement door, and as the girl brought it up to the family room Mrs. Bowser glanced at it and said: "There must be some mistake. I have ordered nothing sent up today." "There is no mistake about it," re nliArt AO "Ron-soy '"That" is :i ham mock I bought this afternoon." "But we have no place for a hammock." "Haven't we got a back yard?" "Yes, but there is no snady spot for vl hammock." "I am not looking for shady spots, Mrs. Bowser. I want you to talk sensible for once in your life. Do you fcnow that I have got to harden myself up for hot weather or run a terrible risk of a physical collapse?" "No, I didn't know it I. thought you were in splendid health. Only last night I heard you telling Brown"? "Never mind what I told Brown. A man may be at death's door and 11 1 !|EE HAIIMOCII WAS SLUNG BETWEEN TWO OF THE CLOTHESLINE POSTS. yet not like to have people talking about it and sympathizing. I may look well and have a good appetite, but the fact remains that a puff would blow out the flame of life. I have kept |this fact from you for weeks and weeks, but I feel that you ought to know it." "And that hammock is going to save you from being puffed out?" she 5iftkpri ns the familv cat came out from under the piano to lake a hand in the game. "I hope and trust it is. Acting under the advice of one of the best doctors in town, I am going to try to harden myself and shall put that hammock an in the back yard this evening." "And that will harden you?" "And I shall pass the night in the hammock?many nights." The doctor says I must have a free' circulation of air, and that instead of avoiding the night dews I must revel in them, so to say. Man was never born to sleep in a bed as we do. Adam rested at night under a tree. So did all other men for hundreds of years. Whenever you iind tlie hardiest men you lind men who keep in the open --air by day and night. I have coddled myself up too much." "Well, when you have a sore throat, * * iv - t .1 l a COlU. ill ice iieau. ami arc ututup from head to foot with rheumatism, perhaps you'll keep on coddling." she answered. "Any doctor who told you such stuff for truth is an idiot." "There you go!" exclaimed Mr. Bowser as he began to pace up and down the room, followed by the cat. "I might have known you wouldn't talk sense. I never start in to better my health but you oppose the idea. If you are hoping I may collapse on the street and be brought home as dead as a doornail, why don't you say so and have done with it?" "Go ahead with your hammock ! cure," she quietly replied. "If the doctor said it would harden you up. then, of course, it will. Don't put the blame off on me, however." "Blame? Blame? How can I blame you?" "I don't know, but you probably will." "I'll probably do nothing of the kind! By George, but I wonder if there is another such aggravating woman on the face of this earth!" Mrs. Bowser had nothing more to say. Mr. Bowser kicked things out of his way as he walked and the cat rubbed against the legs of the piano and saw fun ahead. Half an hour j later the hammock was slung between j two of the clothesline posts. It. was a fairly dark evening, and .Mr. bowser j congratulated himself that none of the j neighbors had got on to his little j scheme. At lo o'clock lie was ready to try j the care. He tried to draw Mrs. Row- j set* into an argument about it. but she j kept clear and went upstairs as he started out. Bareheaded and with coat and vest off lie fell into the hammock j with a grunt of satisfaction and began j counting the stars in the vault above. T"nnot!<-?M.l by him the cat had followed at his heels. The night cure was a thing new to him. and he went wandering about the yard in search of summer novelties. Ten minutes had passed, and Mr. Bowser had just in- j 4 | ilulged in a sneeze which set the hanimock swinging, when the head of s neighbor's oat appeared above the fence. Foi a few brief seconds the Bowser cat and the interloper exchanged glances of hate, distrust and defiance and then coiled on top of the fence. "By the great horn spoon!" ejaculated Mr. Bowser as he rolled about and filially fell out of the hnmninrk. By the lime lie had hit the earth the interloper was a licked feline a*id was heard scrambling over a fence three yards below. It was evident that the cure had a few drawbacks, but after cursing softly to himself for a minute the patient climbed back into his hammock and tried to make himself believe that he already felt better. lie shut his eyes tight, determined to sleep, and the premonitory tingle of a second sneeze was being faintly felt when there was a yelp and a hiss, and the cat went up the fence and over it like a flash, and a dog was left whining and growling within ten feet of the hammock. The canine had crept under the alley fence, and the Bowser cat hadn't waited to ask any questions. "By thunder, hut can't a man find five minutes' rest in his own back yard?" shouted Mr. Bowser as he rolled out and looked for a clothes prop as a weapon of offense. He-ran that dog three times across the yard before the animal could find the hole ho came in at and get out again, and when he returned to the hammock the romance of the night was gone. If he hadn't caught sight of Mrs. "Bowser peering from one of the back windows he might have decided to call things off till next night. That settled matters, however. He dropped into the hammock and huddled himself up, and the cat came back and sat on the fence and looked down upon him with guardian eyes. Ten minutes stole silently away, and the crickets had begun to sing low and drowsily when something fell from the sky with a great clash and clatter and missed Mr. Bowser and his hammock by only a few inches. "By the clubfooted king, but who did that?"' he demanded as he rolled out to find that the "something" was an ofd tin pail. He had sea reel j* uttered the words when an Early Hose potato whizzed by bis ear and struck the fence with a bang, and it was followed by a Florida cabbage stalk which emitted a moaning sound as it grazed the top of his ! head. The cat realized that she wasn't in it and took a skip, but Mr. Bowser wasn't to be bluffed. "You reptiles, but I'll have you jugged for this!" he shouted as he looked around and failed to locate any one. "Do you know"? An old corset from an ash barrel came sailing his way like a vulture of the night, and he felt the fan of its wings as he clucked his neua. xnen there were missiles which he believed to be onions and tomatoes and green corn cobs and ancient lemons, and ali he could do was to jump up and down and demand that his hidden foe stand forth and be slaughtered. He thought he caught sight of some one on the alley fence, and he made a wild * charge, but he had no sooner reached it than the heavens rained tin cans, bottles, old hats and shoes, and he was compelled to turn and flee for his life. Mrs. Bowser came downstairs to find him in the sitting room, white faced, big eyed and panting, and after a look at him she said: "Have you got hardened up for the hot wave as soon as this?" "Woman, how dare you look me in the face?" he demanded as he turned on her. "Don't you suppose I know ali about your ,.ttle plot to have me killed, murdered, assassinated in my own back yard: I say, bow dare"? "You'd better come to bed," she quietly replied, and as she went upstairs he slowly followed and hadn't another word to say. M. QUAD. Perks. Sax?When a man is dishonest he generally gets what he deserves in the long run. Fax?Yes, but think what a lot of other things he gets in the meantime. ?Brooklyn Life. Self Congratulation. "I'm glad I'm not a giraffe." "WhyV Because you'd have a lot of sore throat if you had that neck?" "No. Because the cops would tind it so easy to spot me." The Bachelor Girl. Be very careful not lo call this lady an old maid. Unless you wish in dire contempt some fathoms deep to wade. Emerging from a battle with her glances somewhat frayed. Silt- loves to be a bachelor and also he a girl. Although full forty summers o'er her head have dtigncd t ? whirl? So do not dare at her another epithet to hurl. She doesn't care to live at homo, but much prefers a flat. She has no fear of burglars and would cvo:i face a rat. She always has a clear idea of just where she is at. It's fun enough to talk to her, when she that favor grants. /Jthough you'll find she seldom will give you much of a rbanco. But if y?"u marry her. look but! She's sure?oh. w<!l. you can guess the rest. ?Cincinnati Commercial Tribune. anci business don't mix. As soon as you can get time from shaking hands with the "Dear Boys." come to Columbia, or write us, and find out how cheap we can sell vou first class Paints, Lime. Cement Window Glass, Doors, Elinds and Sash. We are always glad to see you. Columbia S. C. (Polyties?meaning many ticks.) i if Si Mil to mi That Good Goods are the cheapest? If so when you go to BATESBURG CALL AT THE STORE OF J. C. GLOVER, WHO KEEPS A FULL LINE OF General Merchandise. My line of Drv Goods i* eoiop'ete. Dress Goods from 10 cen',? per ynrd to $1.00. Notions of all kinds and Gent's Furnishing Goods in great profusion WhiD I euLarnr tr> hndv the lieflQ and leet are not D'gUcte.i 2dv line of Shoes a:-.d Hats | are worth inspecting. I endeavcr to feed ?he inner man and to that end keep a I choice line of Groceries My liueof K*Z'?rf? and ^cikon arcs nmnrpin d *-ut e*vrv j article iu that line warranted In ?dr ition to all this I have a line of COFFINS AND CASKETS, ranging in price from ?5 IKJ to $oO O'h Prices o 1 all articles correc*. . " AND SEARS 'INTEREST JS&MtF*? rfgjj^hen placed in a wide a-wake progressive /: iLeave >our Dimes and Dollars with us and /M s,-'e 'I16133 mcr*abA at the rate of 4 per cent. f/JnmA l""r an,,,?21' Interest is pa} able qaarteriv in "r SAVINGS DEPARTMENT, fMSI PtMETTJ!!|[XlRUSTCO. JL I [vwisnz HJUL1Uh H ^WALhJSft. v. President. J P. MATTHEWS Secretary. * . _ Freely Admitted. Lost Hnmor. Mart Twain was once asked by an Sbe-Uomen may gossip sometimes. English clerk in a London bookstore to but tbe* ,Uave 1>et er <'ont,'?l of tLe,r write bis autograph. tongues than men have. " vr- ,v K0nnm;nn, OTwl He?You are right. Men have no conAiy cbirography is becoming less and I , Z . , I *ivm u'hotPn>r nf tvnmpn < tnncnios.? less distinct." complained the author """ '?? ?=> j whimsically as he complied with the Kansas C:tj Journal, request. "If this keeps on I'll have to be getting somebody else to write mv I t ? , . ,. /" Pou1t*' autograph for me." | ''He's bald. I believe?' "But. sir." seriously responded the ?.n-f *i ... clerk, "nobody would want it then!" <<T .f ' reas?n I can t say. I don't know whether w* ^ ^ Father Time or his wife got at him Often Reminded. ? _ ? ? tirr ^ U hrst. ?Chicago Post. "How ot ton. said the philosopher. "a man is reminded of his own little- ji aess in this great world." i Practical Arnnm??c. "Yes." answered Mr. Cumrcx. "espe- ! ^ t0aelu'r 111 an ul)l0^n school re- , cially if he has three daughters who ceivcd the following from a complain- , have been to boarding school."?Wash- parent a few days ago: ington Star. - Sir?' ill you please for the future give I my boy si m cesier somes to do at nights. ; This is what he brought home to or three | Still Belligerent. nites ago. If fore gallins of bere will fill j Nell?She says she's ready to make thirty-to pint bottles, how many pint and | up if VOU are. half bottles will 0 gallins fill? \\ ell, we | Belle?Tell her I suppose I'll be readv tried- aiKl could make nothing of it at all, | e 1 suppose i u ut reuuj fln<j mj. l)OV (T:eci rn(] socj he wouldn go j to make up. too. when my complexion hack without doing it. So l had to go an ; gets as bad as hers is.?Philadelphia buy a 9 gailin keg of bere. which I could Public Ted^pr MI afford to do, and then we went and j ? * borrowed a lot of wine and brandy hot? ? - - tje8( besides a. few we had by us. Well, j Too Much For Him. we emptied the keg into the bottles, and "So Bates has given up autoing?" there were 19 and my boy put that dowi^ "Vac 'h/vf-TVi>nn vnnnin" down no- ^or af-d answer. - - ... ' - +1 rii-n r\r? nnr *3 _Q i x^o. . 0 . I aon't Know wneuwr It I* , destrians and running up repair bills we spilt sorre in doing it. the expense was too much for him."? P. S? P.ee.se let the next one be in wa- i Town and Country. ?er- 23 1 am nct able 10 buy a"y more here. ?Topeka Herald, i Ccn't Call It LItIdr. "Does be live in a boarding house?" ? ? . n Her Bntdnma. "No: be boards tbere."-Cleveland Sbe-ls she a business woman? L^der. Hr-Yes. . She?What business Is she interested ! His Mistake. . .. in: 1 He?Everybody's.?Boston Herald. Odds Against Him. ^ j (SBcb-in brW WM tbe coLthtion of bbs? 8 cit.es !.m'> him relief. At !en<>ih he ^j\ ttieii E"ctrie B Hms It pur biiti j "TVliot is the matter with our ?-andi- j f"** 10 oni-r sna now dnto'r" asks the first politician. "Jle 1 testifies. "1 id or the road to wires mo that lie is too ill to speak to- ! complete recovery " B-.-f mi earth night." for Liv* r ami Kidney troubles and "He made a mistake.'' explains Hie all form-' of S-om?wh hp i 1? ?wel j second politician. "Inadvertently lie Complaints. Only oOc Guaranteed smoked one of the cigars lie had by Xhe Kaufmann Drug Cj , drug- J bought to hand out to the voters." gift. -> >->?- N' ? rv>- - -?? -?! ^ III netilL Di: H'UITB I Pill I ' ?MJLVl!lilJMlU VV 111 1 flj hrnuh i & NO BETTER LEAD MADE. \ THE LEKffiGTOfS ?EP4RTMENT STORE. j ! PRESCRIPTIONS ! | :j Should he filled bv Druggists | J GBMLH2EE I ;.j Life is too precious to he carelessly handled. This lias been my work ] I for K5 years, and do guarantee you pure drugs and careful work. ANY DEUG YOU NEED. *" t . , * Kinard's Horse, Cattle and Poultry Powder cures Chicken Cholera : > or 110 par. The ideal stock food. Paints and Oils. T. "W. Kln-axd.. The Licensed Druggist at, LEESVILLE, S. C. i! H " DRS. D. L. BOOZER & SONS . iWfMiifiSTSJjf|% 1515 MAIN STREET. OOT.TTlvrBT^V, O. 'PHONE 230. WM. PLATT, DEALER IN Dry Goods, Milliner? and lotions, * y f v ' NEARLY OPPOSITE POST OFFICE. COl/CMEX-A., - - . S. C. MA.ITV STREET. We have received and have placed on our shelves one ot' the most beautiful as well as the most complete lice of ever shown in the city. These are all standard goods from the most reliable manufacturers and are recommended for their stylish and nobby appearance and the beauty oi pattern. A full hue of Ginghams and dress goods of ail descriptions, as well as lovely creations in lashionable spring and summer millinery. .? Come and see these goods beiore purchasing. I will make it to jour interest to do sa October. 9.?om Gaze on our new Furniture, handsome Suites, Lounges, Sideboards, Extension Tables. J Solas. Stoves, wardrobes., Coaches Iron beds. Reed Koekers Trunke, Mattre s s (cotton and straw.) Dinning Chairs, Extra Oak Beds, Waf-hstands, Centre Tables. Kitchen * tables. Hall Racks. Go Carts or nil kinds. Household goods all new. We wi 1 furnish jour house from kitchen to garret for cash. W. H. SO WELL, i 1 114 PLAIN STREET, COLUMBIA, S. C Opposite Gregory Rhea Mule Co. . .... ? . I Whiskey I Morphine Cigarettes All drug and Tohabit. I habit. habit. bacco habits. Cured by KEELEYINSTITUE OF S. C. 1321) Lady St., (or P. O. Box 73) Coltinibia, S. C. Confidential correspondent? solicited. IN, Young ? M CALLS SPECIAL ATTENTION TO HIS IMMENSE <&> 0 ^ STOCK OF NEW SUMMER GOODS. jjjpj I White Goods. White tsoods. | <<?> Our stock of White Goods consists of India Linens, White ^ Mnlls, Cotton Cli.ffoii-', Mercerized Goods, Peqaes in Welts ^ 3^ and Figures, at popular prices. ^ Golorod Lawns. Colored Lawns. ^ ^ Our stock of Colored Lawns is complete iu Figured Stripes ^ \ and Polfca Dots ranging iu price irom 5 to I2]c. Solid ColyK ored Lawns in all the leading shades, the kind usually sold Wz evfc^vwhere tor 12,] cents, our price, 10 cents. ^5 jlgfe '?v e call special uttent on t-? our immense line of LACE vfV EMBRODERIES ;AND R1BBO.NS Ask our clerks to / show you our 15 cents Ribbons. They come in all the pop- ^ *^4 tilar shades and are big values. | Gents' Furnishings. f 50 Dozen All Silk Four in Hand Ties tor men. only 25c. Eclipse Shirts, equal to any SI.25 shirt on the market, %i> ifE our p'ice. $1.00 rj IJjJf 50 doz Men's SI 00 Shirt*, to close our. in all the pretty \ <^> patterns, doc?, stripes and figures, at '5c. ngg 2" doz 75c. Shirts at 49c., oq center counter . ; 25 d ?zm Meti's Shirts something special, at 29c. hosiery to suit all feet and all purses. ^ Dont tail to call at 1(503 Mam street when in search of hjpi 4 DRV GOODS. JOTIOXS A\l)GE.\T's Fl'RMSfllXG 4 .?v. . rzr^r .fSK w?> <^E| ^ 1613 Mai p. Street, Lever's Old Stand, | COLUMBIA. - - S. C. j|