Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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Bowser's He Gets Up a Mixture to Knot Helps Kim Out, as the More Powerful T [Copyright, ISC-i. by T. C. McClure.] MR. BCWSlili was not wearing a sign of "My Latest Fad" on Ills breast when he returned home the other evening, but it was nevertheless perfectly plain to Mrs. Bowser that he had one. He had a mysterious parcel in liis hand, and he laid it aside with great care, and the first question he asked was: "Is there a gallon jug down cellar that used to have cider vinegar in it?'' "I believe so. What do you want with a gallon jug?" "I'll tell you after dinner. Any one died on this street today?" "Not that I've heard of. Were you expecting any one to die?" "As this is just the season and the weather for cholera I didn't know who BUSSING OUT A JUG WITH HOT WAT2B. might have been stricken. Thank heaven, I'm not too late in our own case." Mrs. Bowser made no further inquiries, knowing that it would all come out after dinner. She noticed, however, that Mr. Bowser ate sparingly and that now aud then he started up an i looked around in alarm. As soon as the meal had been finished he dived down cellar for the jug, and pretty soon the cook came up from the kitchen te\ ca TT VII I.V kJUJ * "It's Mr. Bowser, who is rinsing out a jug with hot water and won't tell me what he's goin* to do \vitb it. If there's to be an explosion around here a pooi1 orphan girl should be given a chance to get out of the house and save her life." She was told that he probably had a fit on to mate some root beer and that ample warning would be given her of impending danger, but she was shaking her head in a doubtful way as she returned to her pans and kettles. Mr. Bowser was three-quarters of an hour rinsing out the jug and filling it. He had something in a quart bottle and otber things in vials and packages, ( | ^ I I \ I > I t "MR. BOWSER, DO YOU KNOW Y >. AMER - - and >vlien he had finally concluded his labors and set his jug in a cool spot tbe cook listened "with a pale face for signs betokening danger. There was a gentle sizzing around the cork as if "things was workin'," and she hurried: up her work and got out as soon as possible. ' "1 am not seeking to shroud my actions in mystery," began Mr. Bowser as he finally came upstairs. "The 'fact is, I have been forestalling grim death." "How do you mean:" asked'Mrs. Bowser as she laid aside her book. wnmnr? r-hoiera is in the ilftj UCU1 ?f land. The germs of it are on the street, in the back yard, in every room in our house. Either one of us may be seized with symptoms of the dread disease as we sit here." "The papers haven't said anything about cholera." "And they won't. It wouldn't be policy to start a panic by telling the truth. It's going to be what will long be referred to as the cholera summer, and I. as a prudent man. am taking my precautions iu advance." "Then you've?you've got some remedy?" she asked. "Exactly. That's what I wanted the Remedy :k Out Cholera, and the Doctor Medicine Proves to Be han He Expected. jug for. With the aid of a coupie of medical books I have today invented nWcrlif l?i*!nrr uc lintll l lift l UU9UC V4.^ ?.'VV*> cash and renown. It is a cholera preventive or remedy which will be known as 'Bowser's 0. K. Remedy,' and before the week is out every doetor in town will be recommending it to ' patients. After it has had a chance to mix a little we will both imbibe a glass. If we have inhaled any germs today it will kill them at once, i don't want to make you nervous, but there is a look to your eyes as if"? "My eyes are all right," she hastened to say,, "and I shall imbibe none of your mixture. If I were you I shouldn't dare to fool with such things. What do you know about chemistry? You may have mixed up a horse rnedieint instead of a cholera remedy." "You are speaking to me, are you?" he inquired as he drew himself stiffly erect. "That will do, Mrs. Bowser. You might as well call me a fool and be done with it. You will very likely be seized with cholera before midnight, but don't expect me to spare you one iota of my 'O. K. Remedy.' " ! During the next live minutes there j was a silence and a painful embarrass j merit, and the cat crept under tne I lounge and chuckled to himself so softI ly that Mr. Bowser heard nothing. At I length Mrs. Bowser broke the silence by saying: j "1 wish you'd give up these queer ideas." j "Queer ideas, eh?" he repeated, as i '?e walked up and down the room. "1, ; .dr. Bowser, one of the most practical i of men, and charged with having queer } ideas! 1 bring out a cholera remedy j to save thousands of human lives and i am told it is queer." He descended to the kitchen and poured out half a pint of his mixture j and drank it. There was a sort of j mud puddle and old boot leg taste about I it, aud he half admitted to himself that he shouldn't want it as a steady drink, but he was looking complacent and humming a tune as he returned to the sitting room. j "How does it happen that there is cholera around?" asked Mrs. Bowser, who had a bit of curiosity in the matter after all. "Excuse me if I decline to discuss the subject further this evening," replied Mr. Bowser. "But you say that thousands cf people"? "I say nothing, madam. I am odd flnrl nneer and a fool, and so I say nothing!" Half an hour later, when ready to go to bed, he slipped downstairs for another dose of the O. K. This time it reminded him of a decoction of skunk cabbage, and he forced it down only because be wanted to be sure of killing those germs and outliving Mrs..Bowser. She had no more i to say, and in half an hour he was ! asleep and dreaming that 500 druggists ! and 1.000 doctors were in front of the j house calling for his 0. K. Mrs. Bow' ' ''' 'itlM t OU ARE THE BIGGEST FOOL IX ! ICA T I i ser heard a long drawn groan and askj ed what was the matter. Two more ! groans followed, and then Mr. Bow! ser got out of bed and wailed out: i *Tm all twisted up with pains, and ; I don't believe I shall live an hour." i "But I thought the O. K. was waii ranted to kill the germs," replied Mrs. j Bowser. j "It's the blamed stuff that has given me the germs. You'll have to help me downstairs and send for the doctor. It seems as if 1 was tied in knots. Don't wait to say I told you so, but get the doctor." The doctor was summoned. The jug was brought up, and he smelt and tust| ed and then got a few facts from Mr, 1 """* 1? ' - ? Tlinn 1,C isowser utfuvttu ma auui ! asked: j "Mr. Bowser. do you know you arc ! the biggest fool in America?*' "Y-yes," was the reply. "You've mixed up something thai j would kill a healthy mule in half I i day, but I think I can save you. I: ! you ever do it again, however?if yot ever"? "I never, never will." piteously plead ed Mr. Bowser, and those of us wh< know him best are sure that he won'ti | till liex'^ime. M. QUAD. ill IIIB?C3MBBP8B?MEBMP?HMEfl? He Did Not Receive Any Encouragement he called to me from a doorway as I passed at 11 o'clock, "hold on a minute, will you V" I stopped, and lie came down to the walk. He was a dilapidated man about forty years old. and there was pathos in his voice as he began: "For twenty years 1 have been a drunkard and a spendthrift. In that ; time I have squandered $5iX).00d." "Yes," I said. "Drink has led to other things. I am i g liar and a thief and a swindle:*." "Yes; you lock it." "I sat down in that doorway an hour ago," he continued, "to plot a burglary. I got to thinking of home, mother, childhood, and the result is that 1 have < made up mv mind to reform. Yes, sir, i * . * . . , ? from tliis iiour 1 am a cnaugea man. "I ani glad of it." "And you will aid me?" "What is it you want?" "Sir, I desire to reform and take my place among the respectable people of earth. Will you lend me $50,000 to do it oil?" "There's nothing cheap about you!" I said as he waited for a reply. "No, sir; no, sir," he answered, "nothing cheap about me. I want a genuine j reform or none at all. It will cost $50,j 00O in cash. If you cam loan me that I sum I'll begin tlie reform movement by j taking a drink and getting shaved, j Will you do it or not?" "No, sir!" "That is final?" "Emphatically so." { "Then I won't take a drink! Then I j won't get shaved! Then I won't begin j the reform! No, sir; I'll sec you in the land that is hotter than this before I'll take one step toward reformation! You had it in your power to restore me to the ranks of society. You refused. The result is upon your own head. (Jo on, sir; go on. and let ir.e say right here ; and now that of all the mean and small souled men I ever met you take the cake!" Had Got Uk Pat. The Englishman had been in America just forty-eight hours and twenty minutes when he was asked how he ! liked the country. "Fairly well," he replied. "And the people?" "The same." j "But you are talking of going Lome ! already?" "OL, certainly. I must leave tomor! row and get right to work at my book i to be entitled 'America and Ameri] cans.' 1 have seen everything, sized everybody up, and there's no use of going over to Boston or Philadelphia." Penalties of Exelnsiveness. "Did you see by the papers this morning." asked Cholly as they unfolded their napkins, "that"? "I nevnh read the pnpahs." interrupted Fweddy. "Waitah, bring us an extra fine po'tahhouse steak foh two." I This is why he had to borrow a dol' lar or two from Cholly when he came ! to settle the bill for the dinner.?Chi' | cago Tribune. For Example. "As for me," stated the petulant person. "I set no difference between I half a loaf and no bread." "But there is a difference," replied the practical one. "Wouldn't you prefer a whole doughnut to a doughnut hole?"?Judge. Spoiling a Good Thing*. ilrs. Von Blumer?1 complimented your husband yesterday on his skill j in taking care of the baby. ?rili ri?vir whfrt did I ?M IS. l/llU]lir(UU V/u, uvuM .. | you do that for? He thinks he is only playing with him.?Life. Cnele Allen. "You never know how. much can be said on both sides of a question." reflected Uncle Allen Sparks, "until you hear two women trying to tell each other how to make currant jelly."? Chicago Tribune. What It Did For Her. "I suppose your daughter's trip abroad did her a wonderful amount of good ?" "Yes; she always says T fancy' instead of T guess.' "?Chicago RecordHerald. A Graft. "Hello, Sloueliy, in any regular business now?" "Yep. I'm gettin' knocked ovct by automobiles and colleetin' damages. Best graft I ever had."?Detroit Free Press. A Critique. "How did you like our new dcet?" she asked. "Oh. was that a new duct? I thought you were only quarreling."?Yonkers Statesman. He Could Fix It. Employer?I would rather have a single man for the place. Applicant?Well, advance me enough 5 money, and I'll gee a divorce.?Chicago Journal. ... - i U-K ? >U w " The Fan. SEE the fan. th*- cooling fan! How it glads the heart of man! In its 1 it lie cage of wire It doth never, never tire. As with s< arce a trace of sound It govs whizzing round and round, Busier than the busy bee And more useful. Only see How it cools the heated brow Of the wearied toiler! Ho*/. u In a manner picturesque. It sends hying olf the desk Like so much of trash and waste Everything upon it placed'. 'Tis a gay and festive thing. Bound to have its little 11 nig. But. however gay it be. Not a word in wrath say we. Since it cools and comforts so When the breezes l'ail to blow When they oug'ht to. See the fan! Isn't he a noisy man? Isn't he as full of tireAs an Indian funeral pyre? Isn't lie a Holy terror When the home team makes an error Or win n hubs, as if in d.'ubt. Stand and l'ail to line 'em out? See him doff his coat and hut When his favorite goes to bat! See him open up his chest, & ' / Bellowing his level best. V ? Urging players, one and all, To jump in and kill the ball! How he ululates and roars. Tearing up all out of doors. '-V When a h ifoct runner scores! .. Oh. he nearly throws a tit When the home team scores a hit In a pinch, when batting counts More than riches! f See! He mounts Benches, chairs and even treads On his luckless neighbors' heads, In his wild, infectious spasm Of sublime enthusiasm! Oh. the fan, the crazy fan! Find his equal if you can! ?St. Bonis Post-Dispatch. lie Bid Ills Part. "Do I understand that you are a veteran of the civil war?" was asked of the ilian with the Grand Army button. "You may, sir." "All through the war, were you?" "I was." "In what regiment?" "I was detailed to the commissary department and was never at the front." "Oli, I see. Then you do not claim to ue a nero : "Xo, sir. I helped forward the rations as fast as I could, and after the war I came home ami helped about 200 other men get pensions." A Horrible Example. Showman?Trade's bad. You'll have XO SUJOi\.? Clgarcil.cs ilii uu.v. Living Skeleton?Why? Showman?Why, me marrer bone, all the mothers in the town \rill come and bring their boys to show 'em wot cigarette smokin' has done for yer!?Jester. His Experience. "There are some songs that will never die," said the musical enthusiast. "I guess that's right." answered Mr. Cumrox. "My daughter site down at the piano and tries to kill a few of 'em every evening. But it's no use."? Washington Star. Reneveing; Hostilities. Mrs. Caller?I'm surprised that you recognized me. It has been more than five years since we met. Mrs. Naggeby?I had almost forgotten your face, but I remembered that dress you have ox*. No Recommendation. Goldsborougb?You may say what you like about Iticketts, but he's as good as his word. To in dexter?But consider how many bad words be uses-.?Detroit Free Press. His Hoi?" Sabbath Day. "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy," said the good man. "I always do." replied the chronic golfer. "I played seventy-two holes last Sunday.*r?Chicago Itecord-Herald. wnilnsr to I>li?.ton. Tess?She was boasting that she is a very good listener. Jess?Yes. She's what you might call a fluent listener. She loves to hear herself talk.?Philadelphia Press. All'* Well. Briggs?Poor Jasper! He miserably failed in his examination for locomotive engineer. Griggs?But I understand he lias obtah ed a fine job as chauffeur.?Life. For Moth. "I can forgive but never forget Miis Wllippiil.tr. s:im i uinin.\. "That is just wh.it I want you to do," said li is mother.?Host on Courier. Him Ithyiiie. It Is casv enough to he pleasant When your automobile's In trim. ! But the man worth while Is the man who can smile * When lie has to go home on a rim. ?Chicago Record-Herald. | flL NO BETTER LEAD MADE. J ^ I ^ THE LEXINGTON DEPARTMENT STORE. | ] ' ?-s >?;-?-K? -.r ?->?>L-? y.-??-?~<?^?->>>>->>^- >? ' Should be filled bv Druggists || ^ If?T GrMRN H?r,!S- * 1 Life is too precious to be-carelessly handled. This has been my work i "fj\y 1 t-. t* w* oi>/l rlrv (oioro>?hm rnn rvnro /Inufj ourl TV<vr*lr i I IVi. X'J V ^ai X4.1A**. \LVJ 11(11 (Hi v\. * V/ii |/LilV ILIAM UUV1U1 >> KJX XX, ^ | _ ANY DBUG YOU NEED. Kiuard's Horse, Cattle and Poultry Powder cures Chicken Cholera A ! or no pav. The ideal stock food. Paints and Oils. ^ i T. "y7\7". Ziinaxd. The Licensed Druggist at. LEESVILLE, S. C. | , lBi|UU_im-?MUUMI?11 -Tm-WrmtT? ; DRS. D. L. BOOZEli & SONS __ . 1515 mIN STREET, <noi,ITTVfBTA, N. C, "FMOfNE 830. DEALER IN I TL? fl.J. M!iL1 iDiy m, amw]mb nguoiis, KSAELY OPPOSITE POST OFFICE, ICOLTJ^EBIA, . - - . S. C. MAIN STREET. ; We have received and have placed on our shelves one of the most beautiful as well as the | most complete line of I ever shown in the city. These are all standard goods trom the moat reliable manufacturers and are recommended for their stylish audnoooy eppearanceand the beauty of * attern. A full line of Ginghams and dre>s goods o< all descriptions, as well as e\ orM?inrr o cnmrrioi* mil 1 lriarxr % qnH fi*-A IUVC1V V/iCttHUtlO ill i^uiv/uavio U wvwv V.-V these goods beiore purchasing. 1 xviii make it to \Our interest to do so. October, 9.?3tn. Gaze on otir new Furniture, handsome Suites. Lounges, Sideboards, Extension Tables. J Sora*. Stoves, v> ardrobes., Couches Iron teds, iteed Kockers Trunke, Mattrfeses (cot- ^ ton and straw.) Dinning Chairs, Extra Oak Beds, Wafbstands, Centre Tables. Kitchen tables, Hall Kack?. Go Carts of all kinds. Household goods all new. We will lurnish jour house from kitchen to garret for cash. W. H. SOWELL, 1 114 PLAIN STREET, COLUMBIA, S.C. Opposite Gregory Kbea Mule Co Whiskey I Morphine Cigarettes All drug and Tohabit. I habit. habit. bacco habits. Cured by KEELEYINSTITUE OF S. C. 1829 Lady St.. (or P. O. Box 7o) Columbia, S. C. Confidential correspondenc 1 solicited. t ___?____??????____???_???_______ <&> CALLS SPFOUL ATTENTION TO HIS IMMENSE <&> ^ &TOCK OF NEW SUMMER GOODS. ^ | I White Goods. White Goods. | Our stock of White Goods consists of India Linens. White <(?& jjsj Mnlls. Cottou Ch.lfon--, Mercerized Goods. Peq ies ia Welts and Figures, at popular prices. ^ >v Nf Colored Lawns. Colored Lawns, yp ^ Our stock of Colored Lawns is complete in Figured >tripes 4|r and Polka Dots ranging in price troin 5 to 12?c. Solid Col- jf?g J i 11 ~ i?J: ,i... v* ~ xii.. ^ ^ u WKv orea l/hwiis iu hji vuc iwuimk bu?uw. iuc &iuu u^uaiijr &uju ^ everywhere for 12i cents, our price 10 cents. yftu Ue call sp cial a'tteot on t-> our immense line of- LACE 151 EMBEODERlES AlsD RlBBj^b Ask our clerks to tP| i$. show von our 15 cents Ribbons. Tbey come in all the pop- ^ ^ ular shades and are big values. ' ||p | Gents' Furnishings. | jjii 50 Dozm All Silk Four in Hand Ties for men, only 25c. |i| Eclipse Shirts, equal to any $1.25 shirt on the market, w ourp-ije, $1.00 50 doz Men's SI 00 Shirtc. to eloso out. in all the pretty patterns, dots, stripv-s and figures, at '5c. '< 25 doz 75 c Shirts at 49c . on center counter. jSf 15 d.'Zm Men's Shirts something special, at 29c |P| ""'-osiery to suit all "eet and uli pnrsts. np Dont tail to call at 1603 Main street when in search of 4 PBV GOODS, SOTIO'fS AM) GEM'S Fl'RXISIilXG 1st ( 4 ^ = ?$> 1 2 ILT. j&.. TOU1TG-, l+i 18)3 Main Street, Lever's Old S:and, 3s !| COLUMBIA. - - S. C. 4