University of South Carolina Libraries
PIKE COUNTY DOINGS ? Colonel Keeper Hears of a Good ^ Thing From Abe Shorter & [Copyright. ISO-?, by C. B. Lewis.] COLONEL HARPER had been down to the railroad depot to see about shipping some mules to St. Louis and was on his way back to the postoffice when y Abe Shorter suddenly appeared before him and said: "Upon my word. Colonel Harper, but I'm glad to see vo' this mawnin'? powerful glad. Just thinking about yo' two minutes ago.". "Howdy. Abe?" replied the colonel as he extended his hand. "I'm still alive, thank j*ou. How's ^ mewls, colonel ?" " 'Bout so so. Abe. No great Cutter In the market." "And co'n. colonel?" "Co'n's a leetle stiffer, jest a leetle." "I reckoned mewls and co'n was all right, but I didn't know. Colonel "TERES ilY HA.VD, COLONEL HARPER. PUT IT THAli!" Harper, I've known yo' a good many years/' ^ "Yes, Abe." "And in ail those years I have never asked yo' to loan ine any money." "No." . "If I had yo'd have accommodated me, knowing that I'd have kept my word about paying it back. Now, then, colonel"? "Scuse me, Abe," interrupted the colonel, "but I'm powerful short this f mawnin'?powerful short. Reckon I won't have a cent to carry home with me." "But yo'?yo' "Couldn't do it, Abe?couldn't possibly do it" "Colonel Harper," said Abe as he drew himself up with great dignity, "yo' would take my word as a gentleman, I reckon?" "Yes; reckon I would." "Then that's all right. That's what I was getting at. If I wanted to borrow smy money of yo'. which I dent, Yo'd mv word, wouldn't vo'?" "Oh, for shore?for shore." replied the colonel, evidently much relieved in mind. "Yes, if yo' wanted to borrow any money and I had any to lend 4 I should have confidence in yo\ Yo' hain't looking any too peart this mawnin', Abe. Pike county hain't been throwing yo* down ag'in, I hope?" "Didn't yo' hear what happened last Tuesday night, colonel?" "No, not a word. Was it mo' scandalising?" "Wuss than that, Colonel Harper. Pike county rose up ag'in me en masse ? and tried assassination for a change." "Shoo, shoo! Did I ever! Somebody shot at yo', eh?" "They attempted to assassinate my reputation, suh. which was wuss than shooting at my body from behind a stone wall. Yes, suh, tried to do me up for good and all, and they can't v see how I possibly stayed on top of the ground. Yo' know about the Pike County Literary club, of co'se." "Yes; I reckon I've heard of it, though as yo' know I run mostly to co'n and mewls." "Well, I sent in my name to be balloted on for membership, and they throwed me down?tin-owed me with a crash. Out of fo'ty members present thirty-nine blackballed me. How was that for giving a young man a show, colonel?" "Shoo. I do declare." "That was spite work and jealousy, colonel?just spite work and jealousy? but right on top of that Majab Rogers read a paper to the meeting, a paper which he reckoned would bury my dead body ton feet below the soil. I wasn't there, of co'se, hut I heard all about it." p "Pitched right into yo\ did he?" asked the colonel. "Couldn't be wuss. Colonel Harper, yo' run to eo'n and mewls and aave a box at the postoffice, but have yo' ever heard of Plotiuus?" "Seems like I had. Reckon I heard of him in Arkansas a few years ago. Used to raise a power or nawgs, uian i he?" "Skassly, colonel?skassly. Plotinus was bo'n in Egypt in the year 205 and died in the year 270. That was about 1,200 years befo' Columbus discovered i America. He didn't run to hawgs, but to philosophy and was a mighty smart chap. Colonel Harper, was 1 bo'n in the year 205?" "Reckon not. Abe." "Was I bo'n in Egypt?" "Couldn't be." "Have I got any show over a man who was bo'n 1.200 years befo' I was?" "Not much. Abe." "But yo' toiler me,- Colonel liar ? ?? ? - ser~you toiler mo," continued Abe as I be waved iiis hands in the air. "Majah ! Ifcogers wouldn't allow these things. ! but went on to say that a certain I young man in tins town, meaning me. ! could have been a second l'loti^us if | ho had had energy, ambition and an- J plication. "Ho went farther, colonel?a heap ! farther, lie wanted to know why I | didn't take off my coat and go to work; I why I didn't pay back borrowed inon- j ey; why I didn't seek to climb up in- I stead of hanging: about saloons to get i drinks, lie Jtist raked me from top to j bottom and from right to left in a way ; yo' never did see. and the crowd ap- j plauded him and looked to see me drop J dead or skip the town. What do yo' j think of that, colonel:" "Shoo, shoo!" replied the colonel in I tones of mingled astonishment and pits. j "But I'm not dead, colonel, and I j haven't skipped. I'm still right yore, and it won't be ten days befo' I'll be on top the whole crowd of 'em. Yore's my hand, Colonel Harper. Put it thar." "W-what is it, Abe?" queried the j colonel as he extended his hand. "I've got 'em, colonel--got the Pike county scandalizers right under my thumb, and befo' they are a week older they'll hear something drop with a j smash. That's what I want?want 'em to pitch into me. The mo' they pitch the quicker I'll get to the top." "What yo' got up yo'r sleeve, Abe?" "Colonel Harper, how long uid yo' co't yo'r wife befo' being married, if J. may ask?" j " 'Bout two years, I reckon." "That's about -the average. Yo' put in, say, ten hours a week. That's a low estimate, but call it ten. That's over a thousand hours to the average eo'tship. What's the value of yo'r time per hour?" "We might say 50 cents, I reckon." "We'll call it only half that, colonel, j and still we find yo' used up js-'ui worm of time co'ting yo'r wife. Same witli eighteen million other men in this country. That figures up hundreds of millions of dollars, enough to pay all the taxes and buy every widow woman a , diamond ring to boot. Do yo' foiler me, i colonel V" "Skassly, Abe. Would yo' do away j with the co'ting?" "I'd do away with a heap of it. colonel, and it would be just as well for both sexes. Make a law ag'in co'ting over two hours or half a day at most. Might be half a day in case of a very young gal. Time saved is money saved, j Instead of co'ting around yo' can be j plowing the land, hoeing co'n or work- j ing at something else, and the gal can j be churning or washing or making her j clothes. Makes a saving both ways, yo' J see. I've thought it all out by myself. ) and I'm going to copyright the plan. ' How does it strike yo' lor an idea, colo- ! nel?" "Better let 'em co't for at least four j or five Sunday nights," suggested the I colonel as a fiood of pleasant recollec- j tions rushed across his mind. "All right, all right. Make it even ; ten Sunday nights, and then yo' save j $100,000,000 a year to buy sealskin sacks for the widows of America. Yes; j ten Sunday nights, and"? "And what. Abe?" "Did yo' say we'd stop over to Tom's | and wet our whistles? Well, being it's j yo', colonel, and being a leetle plain j whisky never did hurt nobody, I don't I mind if I do?don't mind in the least." M. QUAD. devolution Imminent. A sure sign of approaching revolt' serious trouble in your system is nervousness, sleeplessness, or stomach * :ii upsets, juuecinc xmcerB win quicaiy ; dismember the troublesome causes. It never fails to tone the Btomacb, regulate the Kidneys and Bowels, stimulate the Liver, and clarify the blood. Run down systems benefit j particularly and all the usual attend- ; ing aches vanish under its searching | and thorough effectiveness. Electric j Bitters is only 50c, and that is return- j ed if it don't give perfect satisfaction. 1 Guaranteed by The Kaufmann Drug j Co., Druggists. Obituary. Leith Obyrl, infant daughter of j Mr and Mrs. J. W. Lindler, was i born October 6,1903, aDd died De- I ceciber 9, 1903. Sbe was coDsecrat- ! ed to God in Holy Baptism De- j cember 7, 1903 The funeral ob^e- j quics were conducted in St. Peter's j Evangelical Lutheran, church Lex- | icgton county, S. C, by Rev. J. G. ; Graichen. A congregation of sor- ; rowing and sympathizing relatives i and friends were in attendance upon j the service. The body cf the aweet i little babe was laid to rest in the ! cemeterv adjoining the church. J. G. G. G-oed Season. "Why is a turkey regarded as j especially appropriate to Thanks- j giviug?"' "Because," answered the ; grim lookiDg citizeD, "any one who | cau afford to buy turkey these days j has especial reason to be thankful. ! i Head About to Burst From < Severe Bilious Attack. "I had a severe bilious attack and j felt like my head was about to buret j when I got hold of a free sample of ; Chamberlain's Stomach and Liver j Tablets. I took a dose of them after j supper and the next day felt liko a j new man and have been feeling hap- j py ever since," says Mr. J. W. Smith j of Julifi, Texas. For biliousness, t stomach troubles and constipation th ee Tablets have no equal. Pries j 25 cents. For sale by Ice Kanf- j mann Drug Co. i V Obituaries. Caroline Gxble was born June 25, 1S25. nnd died December 0. 1903 Age 7'S years. 5 months and 14 davs ; She was married to Ei;j an Winnard. This union vvas blessed with ! 7 children?4 sons and 3 dangbtere j and 34 grand-children. Her bus- I band, 1 son and 10 grand children j preceded her to the spirit land. She | leaves 3 eons, 3 daughters, 24 grand-! children to morn her departure. She was coulirrued a member of | Ziun Evangelical Lutheran church and atterwards transferred to St. James, of which she remained faithful until death. Funeral services were conducted by her pastor, Rrv. W. H. Rjof, and her body laid to rest in St. James cemetery. The little infant daughter cf Isaiah Taylor and wife, Mary, was born December 8, 1903, and died December 13, 1903. Age 5 days. "Suffer little children to come unto me and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God." Its little body was laid to rest in the family burying ground. Services by Rev. W. H. Roof. R. Wants the Convention. New York, Dec. 18.?The Evening World today publishes an article starting a canvass to have the next Democratic National Convention brought to New York. It offers $5,000 toward the fund for the purpose of securing an amount that will rent Madison Square garden for the convention. The only Democratic convention ever held here was thirty-six years ago. The paper claims the convention is inportaot to New York as to the Democracy. A Thousand Dollar's Worth of Good. A. H. TourneH, a well known coal operator of Buffalo, O, writes, UI have been tfflicted with kidney and bladder trouble for years, passing gravel or stones with excruciating pain. I got no relief from medicines until I began t3kiDg Foley's Kidney Cure, then the result was surprising. A few doses stahted the brick dust like fine stones and now I have no pain across my kidneys and I feel like a new man. It has done me a Si,000 worth of good." The Kaufmann Drug Co. -? In a Starving Condition. The Columbia Slate, December 19. Negro farmers at and near Hopkins, Y/eston aBd Cougaree in the southern section of Ibis county, are destitute and on the verge cf starvation on account of their crops being wiped out by a series of weather conditions starting with the big flood of last June, hailstorms which occurred later and an early frost on the 28ih of October, which cleaned up about all of the little they had been able to make by replanting. These people are in a serious condition and the charity that reaches them early will be the most bountiful. A Costly Mistake. Blunders are sometimes very expensive. Occasionally life itself is the price of a mistake, but you'll never be wrong if you take Dr. King's New T.if*! "Pi 11 a fnr Tlranttnaia JLJilU Jk. IllO *V4 J ***? ??in ' ? ^ Headache, Liver or Bowel troubles. They are gentle jet thorough. 25c, at The Kaufmann Drug Store. Fire, at Facolet. Pacolet, S. C, Dec 17.?The bam of Mr. H. S. Lipscomb, at this place, was destroyed by fire tonight, to-1 getber with its contents, consisting of 18 horses and mule?, 2 cows, 3 hogs, 1500 bnahels of com, 1000 bushels of cotton seed, 100 bushels of sweet potatoes, 2 car loads of hay, 2 buggies, 1 two horse wagon. There was no insurance. The building was valued at about $1,000. ^ Justice at Last. Paris, Deo. 18.?AH military Paris rings today with the news that Dreyfus has won bis nine year fight for honor and will re-enter the French army with promotion. Tnough no official announcement is yet made, it is stated by high outhority that the war (ffice has decided that he shall be reinstated, and the details of his rehabilitation have gone so far that the regiment he is going to command with the rack of lieutenant colonel, - A /V? 1 hau been selected. Any crncer wno expresses disapproval cf the government's act will be dealt with rigorously. Every element that can go toward fully establishing the hoDor and dignity of the persecuted man has been thoroughly prepared. A Frignteacd Horse, Running like mad down the street dumping the occupants, or a hundred other accidents, are every day occurrences. It behooves everybody to have a reliable Salve handy and. there's none as good as Bucklen's Arnica Salve. Burns, Cuts, Soros, Eczema and Piles, disappear quickly under its soothing effect.' *J5c, at Tne Kaufmanu Drug Store. I Women as Well as Men Are Made Miserable by Kidney Trouble. Kidney trouble preys upon the mind, dis; courages and lessens ambition: beauty, vigor ^ ? and cheerfulness coon Ja 'A disappear when the kidneys are cut cf order -iliiluAA- kor diseased, j Kidney trouble has . : become so prevalent V *s no* ttneommen s tor a cmia to be born /y afflicted with weak kidC# neys. If the child urinates too often, if the urine scalds the flesh or if. v/hen the child reaches an age when it should be able to control the passage, it is yet afflicted with [ bed-wetting, depend upon it. the cause of me difficulty is kidney trouble, and the first s-.ep should be towards the treatment of these important organs. This unpleasant trouble is due to a diseased condition of the kidneys and bladder and not to a habit as most people suppose. Women as well as men are made miserable with kidney and bladder trouble, and both need the same great remedy. The mild and the immediate effect of Swamp=Root is soon realized. It is sold by druggists, in fifty- _ f cent and one dollar sizes. You may have a j sample bottle by mail free, also pamphlet tell- Home of sWop-Root. ing all about it, including many of the thousands of testimonial letters received from sufferers cured. In writing Dr. Kilmer & Co.. Binghamton, N. Y., be sure and mention this paper. ? ____?_??? i SEWING MACHINES! Wheeler & Wilson Mo. 9. BAIL BEARING LSarvoIonMy Light Running and Noisless, (a No. 100 spool cotton thread for a belt will run it). One-third faster: one third easier than any shuttle machine. fc'avo about j ONE m IN THREE. A GKE \T FAVORITE WITH DRESS MAKERS. AND BECOMING MORE POPULAR ALlL THIL TIME XEEDLES FOR ALL MACUiXES. REPAIRING A SPECIALTY. WORK GUARANTEED. | ATTACHK3NT3, SHUTTLES, ETC. In bringing Machines to be repaired it is only necessary to bring the head?Leave the table at home unless it needs repaiiing too. 1900 Washers and Wringers. The most perfect Washer ever invented. I can sell them at my store for less than they will cost you ordered direct from the factory. Wiite fof circulars and prices. I I j". n. sekis-ST, 1801 MAIN ST., COLUMBIA, a C Aprii 1, 19J3. 3m I Thousands Saved By 1 III. (HE'S NEW DISGOVERYII | This wonderful medicine posi-R 1 lively cures Consumption, Coughs 9 B Colds, Bronchitis, Asthma, Pneu-1 Bmonia, Hay Fever, Pleurisy, La-E | Grippe, Hoarseness, Sore Throat, B B Croup and Whooping Cough. R a Every brttle guaranteed. Noa jCure. No Pay. Price 50c.&$1.1 S Trial bottle free. | ElacsPI IDRAUGHTI 1 STOCK and I !POULTRYI ImeoicineI I Stock and poultry have few 3 troubles which are not bowel ami |3 \ liver irregularities. Black- fl I1 Draught Stock and Poultry Modi- ?3 cine Ts a bowel and liver remedy ?J for stock. It puts the organs of 8 digestion in a perfect condition. jn Prominent American breeders and fi| farmers keep their herds and flocks |w BW iieaitny i?y giw.in mcui ?n ?. gg sional dose of Black-Draught Stock fifi Pi and Poultry Medicine in their ?? jtg food. Any stock raiser may buy a ?9 25-cent half-pound air-ticrht can gj E? of this medicine from his dealer Bfl $1 and keep his stock in vigorous B B health for weeks. Dealers gener- B B ally keep Black-Draught Stock and fl j?^J Poultry Medicine. If yours does IP sf not, send 25 cents for a sample &s $8 can to the manufacturers. The IlF g Chattanooga Medicine Co., Chat- g 1i-4 Rochelle, Ga.. Jan. 30, 1902. B K:; Black-Draught Stock and Poultry l?| gg Medicine i3 the best lever tried. Our B B stock was looking bad .vhen you sent B /\ nc the mf dirino and row they are H| : fp getting po flue. They are looking 20 ?1 I I PCr C S ? BR0CEINQT0N- Q i \ We have the biggest and best stock of Furniture we have ever yet got together. THF VERY REST ROODS AT THE LOWEST PR'CES. Solid Oak Bed Boom Suite, $13 50, worth $10.00. Solid Oak Chairs lor ?0 cents, worth G5c. Solid Oak Bedsteads, S2.50 to Si 90. worth $3.00 to $7.50Solid Oak Rockers Irom ^$1.00 up $6.00. Best Quality Bred Rockers, S2 50 to $7.50 each. BLACK OAK STOVES, THE BEST KNOWN'. ANY SIZE AND PRICE, ORGAN'S, TRUNKS, PARLOR GOODS, SPRINGS, MATTRESSES, SHADES, LACE CURTAINS, SAFES, TABLES, LOUNGES, and everything that goes into a home to make it complete at pr ces that you can't heat. COME TO SEE TTS. Max wall & Taylor, POST OFFICE BLOCK. s** ^ trwi nrm-v V ^ COLUMBIA, - - a. l>. m07l~~MzM & sons 4||fWwfisfs,|^i 1616 MAIN STREET, COLUMBIA, S. C. 'PHONE S30. SEABOARD AIB LINE RAILWAY. NORTH-SOUTH-EAST- WEST. I Two Daily Pullman Vestibule Limited Trains Between (SOUTH AND TVJEW YORK, First-Class Dining Car Service I The Best Rates and Route to all Eastern Cities Via Richmond and Washington, or via I IV or* folk and Steamers to Atlanta *IV ash.- 4 ville, NXempliis* Louisville, Ht. Louis. Cliicag-o, IN ew Orleans* and All Points South and Southwest?to Savannah H I and Jacksonville and all points in Jb lori- g da and Cuba. Positively the Shortest Line Between NORTH ATST) south. fcsTFor detailed information, rates, schedules. Pullman reservations, &c., apply to any agent of The Seaboard Air Line Railway or to Jos. W. Stewart, Travelling! Passenger Agent, Columbia, IS. C. iCHARLES F. STEWART, Asst. 6. Pass. Agtj || SAVANNAH, OA. A'TtyXN " ^ ^.v 1OF PEAISE #7 feai W* -325 S Eil vIlj { i@:*: Welcomes our excellent PIANOS and 3l\ /&, ORGANS every time they are sounded. We don't mean to say that our insfciu^ rDent8 are the only good oDea in the world, 4ukii ^nt we mean that they are ursui passed and give great satisfaction. You know && 1/ P^ea6ure nsusic gives to every one. W Write us for catalogues and prices. susii liiicf'c^ ftiisbifi uaiiof ifiHLuiic. q iiiyoiu nuyac. OPI OSITE V. 1!. C. A., i 1235 MAIN, ST., - - - COLUMBIA, S. C. ^.asriD ozea--A-nsr.s, May l5?JLy. V