Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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Mr. Bowser s ' Caller > He Wanted Data. In the Interest of Medical Science [Copyright, 1C03, by C. B. Lewis.] THE Bowsers had finished dinner and returned to the sitting room, a~hd Mr. Bowser was < about to ask Mrs. Bowser how long Xoali floated about in the ark and then claim that the time was ten days more or less wucu a caller was announced. He was shown into the library, and he explained his presence by saying: "Mr. Bowser, my name is Feters. and I represent the International Medical World. If you are not too busy this evening I should like to nave a nine talk with you." "I do not wish to subscribe to a medical paper," stiffly replied Mr. Bowser. "i'ou will not be asked to. The paper will be sent to you free gratis for the rest of your life. My idea is to interview and write you up. I have been instructed to give you a full page and to ask for your photograph, and of course there will be no cost to you." . "But I don't see the object." "Solely in the interests of medical science, my dear man. Your case has been referred to in almost every medical journal in the land, but nothing like an interview has yet been published. I do ^ not ask you to give me your time for nothing. I am authorized to pay you $25 in cash for such information as I require." "How has my case been referred to in medical journals?" sharply inquired Mr. Bowser. "Am I some sort of freak that I have been written up and held up to the gaze of the public?" "Not at all, sir; not at all." soothingly replied the caller. "You understand that there is a wide difference between a freak and a unique character. You were a man who never made a mistake and to bumble lier as she deserved for having an opinion on an agrieiiluiral question you hunted around for a pole and knocked the nest down. Much to your delight she ran away to a safe distance and thus permitted you to get another laugh on her. If I am in error you must correct me, but I believe the number of wasps who got down your collar and up your pants legs was fifteen and that they had lots of fun with you. What I intended te ask you was whether the orioles flew away before"? "Sir. what do you mean by addressing me in this manner?" demanded Mr. Bowser as he rose up with flushed face. "Xo disrespect. T assure yon." was the reply. "I am simply seeking to find out what your sensations were as 4 ? 4 ? j I I *AFTER MAKING A FEW FLOUKIi WITH YOUR RIGHT TO KXOC are recognized as unique?odd?refreshing. You do things that nobody else does. You stand out from other characters as a knot does on a log. The world truly says there is only one Bowser. Others may try to imitate you. but they cannot share your originality. It is for that reason that I am here." Mr. Bowser didn't know whether to feel flattered or insulted, and aft^r a minute he made a compromise between the two and asked just what was wanted and added that he could not think of accepting any money for the information he could give. "I wish to ask you," said the interviewer as he consulted his notebook, "I wish to ask you, with all due consideration for your sensitiveness, how you felt under certain circumstances. l'-fir instanoo onnlrl vnn toll mo xclio.lior your brain was perfectly clear or beclouded when you started out to ride a bike in your back yard a year ago?" "Why shouldn't I learn to ride a bike, and why should my feelings differ from any one else's? Your question seems a bit impertinent, sir." "It was not meant to be, Mr. Bowser. Medical science is never impertinent but ever and always curious. You need not answer the question if you feel sensitive on the point, and I will pass on to the next. "You took a day off in the country with Mrs. Bowser in June. Among the things you observed as you rambled over green meadows and sauntered through sylvan glades was a wasps' nest hanging on the limb of a tree. You at once pronounced it the nest of an oriole, and when Mrs. Bowser differed with you you said that you were gathering orioles' nests while she was still in her cradle. "In order to convince her that you aaaaiwBaMflnHBMM??wM I the wasps got in their work and th< j orioles sang. Certain medical writer j have asserted that the sting of a wasj j produces the same peculiar sensatioi | as being jabbed with a pitchfork oi : falling down the cellar stairs. Yoi have probably been jabbed, and yoi have probably fallen. Could you saj that the sensations were identical:*' "I can say?I can say, sir, that i1 appears to be a case of impudence or j your part to call here this evening, i and I wish you to understand that this | interview is closed. If it was not ir ! my own house I?I"? "Exactly so?exactly," quietly replied the man as he made some note? in his book. "My object was to perturb von, and it has been accomplish! ed. You are flushing red and white j by turns; there is a glare in your eyes: j your oars arc working* back and forth. I In the interests of medical science alI low nie to ask you to describe your sen! sations mentally." "Must I tell you to set out doors?" shouted Mr. Bowser as he pointed in the direction of .the front door and grew still more excited. "Please be calm and quiet. Mr. Bowser. You kindly granted me this interview, and I hope you won't abridge It. I mean nothing personal in my remarks, and if you can assist medical science it is your duty toward your i fellow man.. Please sit down while I ask another question. "In learning to ride a hike you at last got your balance and started off to astonish Mrs. Bowser. There was an apple tree loafing around the back yard, and you all at once started in to uproot it. Let me ask, first, as a | physiological fact, if you really believed you could accomplish the feat or whether it was the result of sudden mental exhilaration? Secondly, what were your sensations as you lay on your back 011 the earth after taking a header, with your back telescoped and made three inches shorter? ' Were you conscious of your surroundings, of the presence of Mrs. Bowser and the cook, of the words uttered by three small boys perched on the fence, or did you I sink away into a state of delightful un J'consciousness and imagine -yon were out on a huckleberry excursion?'* I |H " ' ' shes to show off you swung :k his blamed head off." This was too much for Mr. Bowser! i He simply stood still and gasped for j breath and failed to get out a word. [ The caller looked at him and smiled softly and encouragingly and after a minute went on: "If you cannot answer that question let us try another, as we have still several hours before us. Upon a certain occasion the doctor ordered you to take boxing lessons in order to strengthen your spinal column. Your backbone j had got warped over astarboard, and J the idea was to plumb it up and down I again. You got a heavyweight to put I on the gloves with you, and after mak| ing a few flourishes to show off you j swung with your right to knock his ; blamed head off. You wanted to do j something to make a record. Unfortuj nately for you he was a man who couldn't appreciate a joke, and he blocked your blow and landed on your chin in return. "Let me ask what your sensations were when you went dc n and jarred the house from roof to cellar? It is on record that you slept for a quarter of an hour. What dreams came to you, if any? It has been asserted that under j such circumstances one dreams of pastoral scenes?green meadows, sloping hills, shady dells and running brooks. Was it so in your case? And about your spinal column. Is it still out of j plumb or did that punch"? j "Stop, sir:*' roared Mr. Bowser at last. ' What Is it now?" "I'll take no more of your insults, sir. You can't get out of this house too soon j to please me. The idea, sir?the idea!" "Do you mean that this interview is ended?" j "Certainly. Get out at once while I can restrain myself." j "Perhaps you would rather I should j call at the office? If so"? ; "Xo, sir; no, sir. You need never conie near me again!" ! "Xo? Too bad that the world should be the loser, but we must make the best of it. I will not pause to inquire about your present sensations, but bid you good night and depart. Good night, Mr.'Bowser, good night." Mr. Bowser stood in the front hall ( until lie got his breath back and then entered the sitting room with pretended carelessness. "Who was it and what did he want?" asked Mrs. Bowser as she looked up in an innocent way. "Oh, nobody but a real estate man who wanted to sell me a hill or something," replied Mr. Bowser as he gritted his teeth and sat down to his even' Ing paper. M. QUAD. ? Resolutions in Memory of Daniel Eowell Suit. > i "Whereas in the providence of an : all wise God, Daniel Iwwell Buff has i been called to bis reward on high, i And whereas, his death, which occnred on the 29th day cf August, 1903, has called fourth our unfeigned sorL m # * row, yet we bow in humble submis1 sion to the will of Him, who doeth ; all things well. Not yet 2G years of age be had I made himself felt in hie home, com. I munity and Sunday school by hie i sterling qualities of devotion, truth and piety. In the home he was greatly beloved because of that peculiar devotion to his lovedones; so often absent in young men of his age. His place in the home, Sunday school and community cannot bo filled. Therefore, be it resolved by Mt. i JtfebroD Sunday scfcool, 1st- That we will ever cherish the memory- of our young friend and brother, and will strive to emulate his Christian virtues. 2nd. That we will ever strive to keep his life fresh in onr memory by our devotion to the Sunday school, which he so dearly Wed. 3rd. That we as a church and Sunday school tender our sincere sympathy to the disconsolate parents, brothers and sisters in their sad bereavement, and that they be furnished a copy of these resolutions. 4th. That these resolutions be recorded in the Sunday school record and published in the Lexington Dispatch. f Rev. W. E. Birre, Committee \ J. D: Senn, ( J. W. Hendrix. Revolution Imminent. A sure sign of approaching revolt serious trouble in your system is nervousness, sleeplessness, or stomach upsets. Electric Bitters will quickly dismember the troublesome causes It never fails to tone the stomach, regulate the Kidneys and Bowels, stimulate the Liver, and clarify the blood. Run down systems benefit particularly and all the usual attending aches vanish under its searching ond frhnrnnnrVl Flf | WWW. ? j Bitters is only 50c, and that is ret urn| ed if it don't give perfect satisfaction. ! Guaranteed by The Kaufmann D:ug Co., Druggists. Bigkt^ell News. ; To the Editor of the Dispatch: Hauling lumber is the order of the j day in our section. Some of the farmers fear that the I young oats are killed. Edgar, son of Mr. James Wise, ! who has had typhoid fever for several | weeks, is improving rapidly. I Master Yoder Shealy, son of J. E. i C. Shealy, while attending school at j Pine Ridge and playiDg with some ; benches, one of tnem tell down on his leg and cracked the bone. He is now getting along fine. Mr. N. S. Derrick has moved his shingle mill to Mr. W. H. Dxeher'a ! place. Noah is a hustling shingle j man. Married at the homo cf J. C. | Shealy, near Pine Ridge, on Sunday, I December the 5tb, 1903, Mr. Andrew Slice and Miss Lilly Shealy. The ceremony was performed by the Rev. B. D. Wes&ingler. We wish much joy to the newly married couple. Our Sunday school is preparing to ' have Christmas exercises on Christmas day. A Friend. Head About to Burst Frsn Ratrevo 'Rill/vie AffarV i mmw T ? ? v?aav?tM M??M?aai 1 t "I bad a severe bilious attack and ! felt like my bead was about to burst 1 when I got bold of a f/ee sample cf Chamberlain's Stomach and Liver Tablets. I took a dose cf them after sapper and the next day felt like a new man and have been feeling nap' py ever since," says Mr. J. W. Smith > of Julifi, Texas. For biliousness, ' stomach troubles and constipation tin se Tablets have no equal. Price 25 cents. For sale by The Kauf: mann Drug Co. Judge Gary Coaplimeated. At a meeting of tne Lexington Bar it was resolved, That the thanks of this Bar be I tendered to Hon. Frank B. Gary for I the fair and impartial manner in ! which he presided at our regular term for September and this special i ! term, and for his kindness in leaving ! his business, his home and his family I to give our business his caie and i study. C. M. Efird. J. Brooks Wingard. W. H. Sharpe, A. D. Martin, [ F. E. Dreher, X. C. Sturkie, > : G. T. Graham, Geo. Bell Timinermaa. November 28, 1903. 1 A Costlv Mistake. I - - * Blunders are sometimes very expen' j sive. Occasionally life itaeit is the t j price of a mistake, but you'll never | be wrong if you take Dr. King s New 1 ! Life Pills for Dyspepsia, Dizziness, ' Headache, Liver or Bowel troubles. ' j They are gentle yet thorough. 25?, ! at The Kaufmann Drug Store. I Over=Work Weakens Your Kidneys, j Unhealthy Kidneys Make Impure Blood. ! All the blood in your body passes through your kidneys once every three minutes. t <3Tr,?j ^ The kidneys are your b!ood Purifiers- theyfil)) ter out the v/aste or i .tyxvl Vl^firnPur';ties in the blood. : ' Vvy ^ they are sick or out fc; li* ?* order, they fail to do vyy-57 r t^eir work. n I Pains, aches and rheu- I I JLjj ifmatism come from ex- j ^>1 ~ cess uric acic*in | *i6 blood, due to neglected j kidney trouble. Kidney trouble causes quick or unsteady j heart beats, and makes one feel as though j they had heart trouble, because the heart is ! over-working in pumping thick, kidneypoisoned blood through veins and arteries. It used to be considered that only urinary troubles were to be traced to the kidneys, but now modern science proves that nearly all constitutional diseases have their beginning in kidney trouble. If you arc sick you can make no mistake by first doctoring your kidneys. The mild and the extraordinary effect of Dr. Kilmer's Swamp-Root, the great kidney remedy is soon realized. It stands the highest for its wonderful cures of the most distressing cases and is sold on its merits by all druggists in fifty- gSjjSSj cent and one-dollar siz- Hrjglpjj es. You may have a sample bottle by mail Homo of Swump-Root. free, alsc pamphlet telling you how to find out if you have kidney or bladder trouble. Mention this paper when writing Dr. Kilmer & Co., Binghamton. N. Y. SEWING MACHINES! Wheeler & Wilson Mo. 9. BALL BEARING Marvelously Light Banning and Noisless, (a No. 100 spool cotton thread lor a belt will run it). One-third faster; one third easier than any shuttle machine. Save about ONE DAY IN THREE. A GRE\T FAVOBITE WITH DRESS , MAKERS. AND BECOMING MORE POPULAR ALL THE TIME NEEDLES FOR ALL JIACIIINES. REPAIRING A SPECIALTY. WORK GUARANTEED. ATTACHMENTS, SHUTTLES, ETC. In bringing Machines to be repaired it is only necessary to bring (he head?Leave tbe table at home unless it needs repairing too 1900 Washers and Wringers. The most perfect Washer ever invented. I can sell them at my store for less than tbey will cost you ordered direct from the factory. Write fof circulars aDd prices. x. xx. BExexsxr, 1804 MAIN ST., COLUMBIA, S. C. April 1, 1903. 3m I Thousands Saved By Ida. kvs new discovery I Thiswoncioprul medicine positively cures Consumption, Coughs I Colds, Bronchitis, Asthma, PneuImonia, Hay Fever, Pleurisy, LaI Grippe, Hoarseness, Sore Throat, BCroup and Whooping Cough. Every btftle guaranteed. No |Cure. No Pay. Price 50c.&$I. Trial bottie free. | : . Tryfor Health 222 South Peoria St., Chicago, III., Oct. 7,1902. Eight months ago I was so ill that I was compelled to lie or sit down nearly all the time. My stomach was so weak and upset that I could keep nothing on it and I vomited frequently. I \ could not urinate without great pain and I coughed so much that my throat ana lungs were raw and sore. The doctors pronounced it Bright's disease and others said it was consumption. It mattered little to me what they called it and I had no desire to live. A sister visited me ! from St. Louis and asked me if I I had ever tried Wine of Cardui. II told her I had not and she bought a bottle. I believe that it saved mv life. I believe many ',1.J i Jffig ?unicu IA/IXIU. oa*u inuv/u ag fe ing if they but knew of its value. fij a 2 H Don't you want freedom from ? pain? Take Wine of Cardui jS EK and make one supreme effort to fl be well. You do not.need to be |gj B a weak, helpless sufferer^ You M 1S can have a woman's health and B <? V do a woman's work in life. Why B not secure a bottle of Wine of B I Cardui from your druggist to- B I WmfrCMDW j 1 111 iwn Iifrianrnii I^IH I I lllliiirHli'. m^ir^Tir llllli llCii rtl. uauu am MI Now is Your Timo! t; We have the biggest and best stock /\ -P V1V\ "1 4-11 -VIA TTTA T* ft TTA /\TTAT? TTA^" U1 JC UI 111UU.1 C W C JJL<XVC7 ^/V^7J. J got together. THE VERY BEST GOODS AT THE LOWEST PRICES. Solid Oak Bed Room Snite, $13,50, worth $16.00. Solid Oak Chairs lor 50 cents, worth G5c. Solid Oak Bedsteads, $2.50 to $4.90. worth $3.00 to $7.50Solid Oak Rockers trom ^$1.00 np $6.00. Best Quality Rted Rockers, $2 50 to $7.50 each. 1 BLACK OAK STOVES, THE BEST KNOWN. SIZE AND PRICE, ORGANS, TRUNKS, PARLOR GOODS. SPRINGS, MATTRESSES, SHADES, LACE CURTAINS, SAFES, TABLES, LOUNGES, and everything that goe* into a home to make it complete at prloes that you can't beat. | COME TO SEE TTS. Maxwell & Taylor, POST OFFICE BLOCK. COLUMBIA. - S. C. Irs. d. l. boozer & sons jMfri-t nriiTiCT? ItHTMb uan w?JjjgK 1615 MAIN STREET, COLUMBIA S. C. 'PHONE S30SEABOARD AIR LINE RAILWAY. NORTH-SOUTH-EAST- WEST, I Two Daily Puliman Vestibule Limited Trains Between SOUTH AND TV JEW YORK, I First-Class Dining Car Service Tbe Best Rates and Route to all Eastern Cities Via Richmond and Washington, or via Norfolk: and Steamers to Atlanta, N ashville, Memphis, Louisville, St. Louis, Chicago, New Orleans, and . . rx -? __J CS...J.1 All f 01DL8 OOUID BDU OUUtUVtCO t 1UU mmmmmn. mm and .Jacksonville and all points in Florida and Cuba. Positively the Shortest Line Between NORTH AND SOUTH. X6TFor detailed information, rates, schedules. Pullman reservations, &c., apply to any agent of The Seaboard Air Line Railway or to Jos. W. Stewart, Travelling Passenger Agent, Columbia, S. C. CHARLES F. STEWART, Asst. G. Pass. Agt. SAVANNAH, GrA. A HYMN ?F PRAISE !?" Welcomes our elcelleDt PIANOS and ORGANS every time they are sounded. 1?SLx @ ^ec*on*mean lo say that our instrupouts are the only good ones in the world. L^j.but we do mean that they are unsurpassed and give great aatisfaction. You know M niidff'i wil u P^ea8ure music gives to every one. & Write us fcr catalogues and prices. MALONE'S MUSIC HOUSE, OII OSITE V. M. C. A., 1235 MAIN, ST., - - - COLUMBIA, S. C. IPX-^ISrOS OE^AITS, Mny 15?ly.