Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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DOT LEETLE HANS Dot leetls Hans, he voe so cote Yen gompany it gome ar-r-round He do a handspr-r-ring dot's a beaut. All ubside downside on der gr-r-round. A Do<? leeile Hans, he vos so str-r-rong He bick oop dot pig Kreutzer poy Dot's dr-r-ree foot dick und sis foot long Und smash him down?oh, vot a ehoy! Dot leetle Hans, he'vps so krick He r-r-run a mile jr^rore-I dink. ? Und ven I dink" ctnrirt vunce as elick j , 1 Like kr-r-rease gon* chust like a vink! Dot leetle Hans, he chump der fence "Dot's eight foot tall mitout his hands; I somedimes dink he chust gommence Mit circuses und pig pr-r-rass pands! Dot leetle Hans, he turn und tvist Und tumble lige a poneless kid, Und ven ve pox mit his pig flst x He smash der topknot off mine lid! , Dot leetle Hans, vot he gan't do, Vy, I don't know; chust lige a cat He tumbles till he's plack und plue-* ^ Mine nine tnerman tt.wfwa.ti t Dot leetle Hans is vild, und he Is active as dot Actor Turk ""* Dot's in de show; but, oh. py ctoee. He always vos too str-r-ron* to vork! ?Baltimore News. Stirrieg Speeek. "I was much moved by a speech I heard yestiddy." "Wot was it?" "A park cop said 'gettinblazesoutofhere!' "?New York Evening Journal. Came by It Honeatly. "You have twice told me." said the benevolent Balham man to the wooden legged mendicant, "that your leg was lost at Balaklava. Now, I'm sure you were too young to c?list at that time." "Well, sir, I canT deceive you; you are right. It was my father who lost a leg in the war, an' the blamed thing runs in the blood. I simply inherit it. I am a wounded veteran by birth."? Tit-Bits. , Baring It On*. Sufferer?I can t stand it any longer. I'm going to the dentist's this instant to have this tooth out. Scientist ?Nonsense! Your tooth doesn't ache. It's only your imagination. . Sufferer?Then I'll have him null out my imagination. ? Boston Christian Register. / Promoter* of Courage. Spartacus?Women are a great incentive to manly courage. Smarticus?That's right Since I've been married and had a few tilts with my wife the prospect of a scrap with the meanest man on earth seems like mere child's play to me.?Baltimore , American. Not Her Pault. Tour daughter." said Mrs. Oldcastle, "has such verve. She fairly bubbles s over with high spirits." "I know it She gets it from Josiah's side of the house, though. My folks are all strong temperance people."? Chicago Record-Herald. Out of the Question. Dolly?Are you just flirting with me or do you meau business? De Garry?Be reasonable, my dear. This is my vacation, and I came up here to get away from business.?Philadelphia Ledger. Not Easily Brushed Aside. "Riches do not always bring contentment," said the multimillionaire. "I have suffered terrible annoyance all the morning from having a bristle wedged between my teeth!"?New York Times. \ His Failare. : "Do you know anything about flirting?" "No." he replied sadly. "I thought I did; but. when I tried it, hanged if the girl didn't marry uwr!"?Chicago Post. Appropriate. Mrs. 'Henpeck- I wonder why they always put a woman's head on coins? Mr. Henpeck?Oh. well, money talks, you know.?Milwaukee Journal". A Difference With a Distinction. Jaggles?I suppose bric-a-brac is often sold for junk. Waggles?Not nearly so often as junk Is sold for bric-a-brac.?Judge. Foolish Han. "I told him I never wanted him to speak to me again. and that he should Dot attempt to call me back, and that I was going straight home and there was k no use in calling me. and?and?I wonder if the silly thing intends to wait JUhtil I am clear out of hearing!" MHA ^?a A Proad BoMt. "Let* t'row rocks at him, an' maybe he'll come back an' kick ua." "Wot good 'II dat do us?" "Why, den we kin brag dat Kid MeGuff, de efcampeen middle weight, has kicked us oneetr?New York Evening Journal. Too N*ek Sentiment. "Then there is no prospect of any marriage between Jack and Miss Bittinger?" "No, indeed. The engagement waa broken off for good and all." "What was the trouble?" "Oh, Jaek was entirely to blame! Mabel had been trying to prove to him what a prize he was getting and remarked that Toed Maggleton would give his eyes to marry her. And Jack said that didn't prove much. One of Tom's eyes is crossed, and he squints horribly with the other. And Mabel flared up and said they were the best eyes he had. and it was beautiful of him to offer to give them up. And Jack said he thought it was much more beautiful to keep his eyes and devote them to serving her comfort and hap * * * ' - L M Wa V> r? /4 t\a pmess. Ana aiuoei buju uv uau uv sentiment about him, and Jack said he had no intention of making a blind fool of himself. And Mabel said she hated a man without sentiment, and then Jack took bis hat." "And what is Mabel going to do?" "I'm sure I don't know." "And what is Jack going to do?" "Well, everybody is certain he is going to marry Clara Coupons, the richest girl in the state."?Cleveland Plain Dealer. For Over Sixty Years. Mrs. Winsiow'e SootniDg Syrup has been in use for over sixty years by millions of mothers for their children while teething, with perfect success. It soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic, and is the best remedy for Diarrhoea. It will relieve the poor little sufferer immediately. Sold by Druggist in every p*rr of the world. Twenty-live cents r dottle. Be sore to ask for Mrs. "Wioslow's Soothing Syrup," and take no other kind, tf A Feminine Exception. "Yes. Mrs. Dimbieton has a dellghtfnllv onerous disoosition." "Indeed?" "Yes. indeed. She'd share her tost crust with a friend." "Would she?" s "She would. S^e'd give him anything she possessed except the tost word."?Cleveland Plain Dealer. Show For Place. "Your friend Orpheus Sicker is very obsequious to Senator Key these daye." said the political observer. "I suppose he's playing hiui to win." "More like- j ly." replied the sporting man. "bo's playing him for a place."?Philadel- j phia Record. Six Girl*. He's just an ordinary man. His clothes are rather old. Hla hat Is worn and shabby, and his shoes have been resoled. He doesn't put on any styl* or try to make a show; He really can't afford it, for he has six girls, you know. they're all swwt. lovely creatures, and they cost an awful lot; They're always In the fashion, although dear papa is not. And he yearns to see them married. though he hates to have them go. For a man has got to hustle when he ha.six girls, you know! v ?SomerYille Journal. A Scientific Discovery. Kodol (Jure doe* for the stomach that which 11 is unable to do for itself, even wheD but eligbth disordered or over-loaded. Kodol Dyspepeia Cure eupphe* the natural juices of digestion and does the work of the irfc rnacb, relaxing lie nervous tension, while the inflimed muscles of that org?n are allowed to rest and heal. K<>dol Dyspepsia Cure dig ?ts wbhfc yoa eat and enables the btoujacb and digestive oigans to transform all food into rich, red blotd. S^ld by all druggists. More Harrovrin?. "I noticed you yawning, colonel, while I was telling about my experiences In that flood. Did you ever have any adventures in a flooded country?" "VTpII anli T onct had to sDend the whole of a day and a night in a temperance hotel."?New York Times. Tnklnjr No ChnncM. "You love your country, don't yotJ?" said the sincere statesman. "Certainly." answered Senator Sorghum. "but Cm not losing my head and taking chances on suffering the pangs of unrequited affection."?Washington Star. FOLEYSHOKEIT'^TAR tops the cougb and heals ltmgs LIGHT AND DAM, Day and night, *mshfa>e and shadow are not more different from- each other thafa a healthfuf froma sickly woman. The healthful woman carries light and suaahine with her wherever she goes. woman casts a shadow on her own happi?css a?I the * ^ smile and sing. Hi-health in woman is generally traceable to disease of the delicate womanly organism. Many women have been rej stored to happiness by the use of Dr. j Pierce's Favorite Prescription. If there is an invalid woman, suffering from ! female weakness, prolapsus, or felling of womb, or from leucorrnea who has used j Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescription within* ramnlete success Dr. Pierce would like to ?ear from such person?and it will be to her advantage to write as he offers, in perfect good faith, a reward of $500 for any case of the above maladies which be cannot cur*. "I foel tL my daty to inform yoa that I had been a wffutr for many yean from aerrouaaets wkh all its symptoms and complications," wikta Mrs. O. N. Ffebfir, o(1861 texingtoa Ave., Sew 'York, 5. Y. "I was constantly going to see a physician. I was induced to ask Dr. Fierce'* advice. I then took five bottles of ' Favorite Ft ascription.' I am not now cross and irritable, and I hare a good odor in n?y fiice; have also mined about ten pounds in weight and on* momond. 9/ comfort, fat I am a new wacaaa ance more.'* The dealer who offers a substitute for ^Favorite Prescription * does so to gain the little more profit paid on the sale of less meritorious medicines. Dr. Pierce's Common Sense Medical Adviser is sent fret on receipt of stamps to pay expense of mailing only. Send 21 one-cent stamps for the paper-covered book, or 31 stamps for the cloth bound. Address Dr. R. V. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y. More Active. Hicks?Oh, I never even notice him any more. Wicks?Is that'so? TTioVa?Yp?* nnthiner discrnsts me more that a deadbeat. Wicks?Oh, they don't bother me. Ifs the live ones that make me tired.? Philadelphia Ledger. A Poor Artist. ? ?***' \ . "No, Willie; I couldn't advise you to enter art. Why, me paint costs me GO cents a bueket an' sometimes the picture don't bring more 'n 10 cents!"? Chicago American. Willie and Sallie. "A woman's sighs do not always indicate her weight Willie.'* "Vn-p *T>no fioUlo And nil for a wife to reign, but not to atorm." ?Roller Monthly. $100 Reward $100. The readers of this paper will be please to learn that there is at least one dreaded disease that science has been able to care in all its stages, and that is Catarrh. Hall's Catarrh Care is the only positive care known to the medical fraternity. Catarrh being a constitutional disease, reqnires a constitutional treatment. Hall's Catarrh Care is taken internally, acting directly npon the blood and mncou8 surfaces of the system, thereby destroying the foundation of the disease, and giving the patient strength by building up the constitution aod assisting nature in doing its work The proprietors have so mncb faith in its curative powers, that they offer One Hundred Dollars for any case that it tails to care. Send for list of ttstimonials. F. J. Cheney & Co., Toledo, O. Sold by Druggists, 75c. Hall's Family Pills are the best. Two Useful Discoveries. "If we hud more money at our command," declare the polar explorers, "we could find the north pole in no time." "if vnn hnrt more north Doles." retort tbe plntocrnts, "you could discover one once in awhile too." Whereat the explorers discover that their compasses huve been deflected by the wrong bank accounts.?Judge. The Propitious Moment. "I don't see what excuse there was for publishing this volume of verse." "Why. the author is a thirty-second cousin of James Jones." "And who is James Jones, pray?" "Oh. he's a man the two hundredth anniversary of whose birth or death falls some time about now."?Detroit Free Press. A Policeman's Testimony. J N Patterson, night policeman of Nrthua, la, writes, "Last winter I had a bad cold on my lungs and ? ? -j 1; j tried at least a Dan dozen auveruueu cough medicioes aod had treatment fiom two physicians without getting any benefit. A friend recommended F ?le>'s Honey and Tar and two thirds of a bottle cured me I consider it the g.eetest cough and lung medicine in I the world" The Kaufmann Drug | Co. ABua&w&y Bicycle, Terminated with an ugly cut on the leg of J. B. Orner, Franklin Grove, 111. It developed a stubborn ulcer unyielding to doctors and remedies for four years. Then Bucklen's Arnica Salve cured. It's just as good for Barns, Scalds, Skin Eruptions and Piles. 25c, at The Kaufmann Drug Co. A record of 114 miles an hour was recently attained with an electric L J ' ? ? amaa/3 4mirtln in motor uunug tut) npccu uiaio uciu iu Germany. A splendid thing to promote her happiness is for a man to be so absent minded that he will make love to his wife. Five Hundred and sixty thousand persons in the United States are dependent upon the street cars for support. Postmaster General Payne calls for an appropriation of $168,000,000 for the next year. The deficit is est ?* a i.i 4. imaiea at aiorv iu>u ?jgui> luuiiuu. Doesn't Bespeet Old Age. It's shameful when youth fails to show proper respect for old age, but just the contrary in the case of Dr. King's New Life Pills. They cut off maladies no matter how severe and irrespective of old age. Dyspepsia, Jaundice, Fever, Constipation all yield to this perfect Pill. 25c, at The Kaufmann Drug Co Six men were killed and ten injured by an explosion at the United States naval arsenal on Iona island, New York. The property loss was heavy. God has put it into man's power not to fall into real evils, and the fact that we cannot avoid death shows that it is not a real, else God would have put it in our power to avoid it. All of our farmers do not depend on cotton. A Mississippi man shipped a carload of honey northward and got about $3,000 for it. He knew how to make the industrious bee his banker. To Cure a Cold ia Oae Day Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All druggists refund the money if it fails to cure. E. W. Grove's signature is on each box 25c. The discovery of a big forest of redwoodB is reported from Curry Couuty, in the southwestern portion of the State of Oregon. Some of the trees are said to be twenty feet in diameter. You Enow What You Are Taking When you take Grove's Tasteless Chill Tonic because the formula is plainly printed on every bottle showing that it is simply Iron and Quinine in a tasteless form, No Cure, No Pay. 50c. There is a land turtle in Mexico which is said to be more than .800 years old. An inscription on its shell is thought to date back to the time of Komupan-setl, the first Aztec kin^. o For Sale afc a bargain?a good second band Paper Cotter. Cots 25 inches. For further particulars, address the Dispatch, Lexington, S C. BEESWAX WANTED m LARGE OR SMALL QUANTITIES WE WILL PAY THE HIGHEST MAR. ket price for clean and pnre Beeswax. Prioe governed by color and condition. THE BAZAAR, LEXINGTON. S. CFRUIT TREES That Grow and Bear Frnit, Write for our 60 page illustrated Catalogue and 40 page pamphlet, "How to Plant and Cultivate an Orchard," Gives you that information you have so long wanted; tells you all about those big red apples, lucious peaches, and Japan plums with their oriental sweetness, all of which you have often wondered wnere the trees came from that produced hem. EVERYTHING GOOD IN FRUITS. Unuaal fine stock of SILVER MAPLES.young, thrifty trees smooth and straight, the kind that live and grow off well. No old, rough trees. This is the most rapid growing maple and one of the most beautiful shade trees. > Write for prices and give i list of wants. J, Van Lindley Nursery Co., . i Pomona, N 0, v ** Y Wmmm blre, j vmw A M A ?PI A ** ?*JTTmW #LTT*KTO T V WT7W^. S} ur U IN d , VU^j3, A A AA V7WM0, MM' ** v ?? GUNS, WINCHESTER REPEATING SHOT GUNS. * All kinds of Rifles and Air Guns, Shells loaded with the best black and smokeless Pow* \ ders. Our $5 Single Barrel Guns, 12 guage are the best out. They are bored for long I distance shooting. Hunting Coats, Caps. Leggings, Shell Belts, Powder, Shot. - jf Wads, Caps, Cutlery, Phonographs and Records. Gun and Locksmith. 1TOTICE. 1 We give a chance on an $850.00 Automobile .with each cash 50 cents purchase. Ask ^ ^ for them. m W. F. STIFGLITI. PROPRIETOR. I ww m W mm m m mm ^ 1508 MAIN STREET. COLUMBIA, S. C. i ONE CAR LOAD MITCHELL, ONE CAR LOAD VIRGINIA, ONE CAR LOAD THOMHILL WAGONS, 1 just arrived. We can make you - | attractive prices. Any size wagon wanted in stock. Come in and see us when in the city. ^ T. B. AUGHTRI & CO.,' /N 1 1 _ O /N 4 uoiumoia, o. u. 1 C^CTCTC^WWWCTCaCTCT ' I WATCH THIS SPACE I FOR TOUR BARGAINS IN C3 f S3 | Fall and Winter Dry Ms | S8 S3 ' ?2 NOTIONS, CLOTHING, ?2 J SS SHOES -A.ETID EE-A.TS, SS gQ Our Buyer is now in the Northern gK JTS 1 U L ?t? Jb LUX ?5i3Llt& IllA l VV lLi LI 22 Sg SUEPISE YOU. gS I TIE IV. [. FRK CO. I , fkM 1638-1640 MAIN STREET, X* * ?2 COLUMBIA, S.C. ? C9 g2 S3 S3 S3 S3 IF YOU WANT ANY JOB PRINTING DONE give us an order. The Dispatch Job Printing Office. ^ 4 J