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DER GERMAN COBBLER Mr. Voglestein Call./- and Givey Him More Philosophy. ICopyright, ir-OS. ly C. B. Lewis.] "WTf ANS." f'ys },fiv Yoglestein ash jy8*^ h.? c.i. s.i-a' iftrin shop one A J* da}*. "it nil in philosophy. I) *r more you haf der petter you get along. Work vlias all werry vhell, but philosophy vlias petter. "If some customer don't come in how vhas I to get some shoes to fix oop?" I says. "Don't you see? If no one comes in you don't haf no work. If you don't haf no work you safe wax und shoe pegs. It wasn't liow mooch you earn, but how mooch you safe. Look at my case. If I work all day in my garden I safe $2 dot I pay to some m~us. but at . der same time I drink m worth of peer. I don't won* und K.as seexty cents ahead. You sit right here like ' - J "ASH AN OLD HORSE TIED TO A POST HE < . WAS WORTH $10." f some bumps on a log und don't haf no ( philosophy, und so you vhas a poor , man all der time." It seems dot way to me, bat I can't i tell. I vhas t'inking it oafer Then Mr. , Voglestein goes on mit: ? * - - - ? ] \ "JJO you peiier .ur. Kocaerieiier vnas reech pecause he goes out in der morn- J ing und pumps oop kerosene oil all day 1 for $2.50? Not any. He vhas a good ' pumper, but he pumps mit his brains l instead of his hands. He has some philosophy. He says if he pumps oop kerosene all day dot vhas $2.50, but if he pumps oop der price a cent a gallon dot vhas $1,500,000. Dot settles it, und der price goes oop." "But I don't haf some kerosene to . pump," I says. "Dot rhas no deeferenee. You put a ( cement patch on a shoe for 10 cents. Suppose you put der price oop to 20? Dot means you get shust as mooch for < fife patches ash for ten, und you safe one-half on vork und material. Dot vhas philosophy, und if you haf some 1 prains you Thill know it." < "But der public won't stand for 1 twenty cent patches." "Pecause why? Pecause der public 1 don't haf philosophy der same ash t you. You must educate der pubHc oop 1 to her. Can't anypody see c(pt lemons at 20 cents a dozen vhas petter ash ? lemons at 10? You simply haf to say j twice ten vhas twenty, und 20 cents c vhas twice ash good ash 10." I make ready to put a lift on a j heel und can't figure him out, und in a j leetle time Mr. Vogelstein keeps on: t "Take der case of some railroad president. Vk?n some money vhas to be t Rafed does he aro on a train ash brake ^ man und safe $40 a month und show ^ dot money to der direetocs 12nd brag j oafer her? "Of course not. He goes py g philosophy. He says to himself: 'Here J vhas 150,000 men. If I cut der wages of each man down 10 per cent dot makes $50,000 a year for our pocket.' Und he shust writes a leetle order, und it vhas done. Dot vhas prains, Hans; ^ dot vhas philosophy, und you can see ^ why you vhas always a poor man." t "But if I haf no mans how can I cut wages down?" I ask. t 1 "Cut down your own. If you figure dot you vhas a dollar a day den take feefty cent off. Dot alone makes you j $3 per week. If you take feefty cents a day off your wages und do twice ash r mooch work ash now it vhas $6 a week f for you. Any fool can figure dot out." r I go ahead mit dot lift und can't see t how it vhas, und Mr. Voglestein walks ^ around und smiles unil chuckles und vhas a proud mans. In ten minutes he says: "Take my case again, Hans. I like ^ to go half a mile on der street car der j odder day, but it vhas fife cents. Dot ^ street car line vhas four miles long. It j vhas fife cents for four mile or half a ( mile. My pmiosopny tens me aoi uere i , vhas eight half miles in four miles. I * therefore walk oop to der end of dot j line und ride four miles for fife cents, j nnd safe fifteen cents. It vhas only a ? trifle, but it shows you how philosophy ( works. Take anodder case. Last spring ( I like some strawberries. Der price ? vhas feefty cents a box. I>o I rush right out und puy some und eat 'em oop? Not mooch! My philosophy tells me to wait for awhile, und I wait, und yesterday I buy bananas at feefteen b for a quarter. Py golly, Hans, I wish you vhas a philosopher, but I am c afraid you vhas too old to learn." g A man comes in to see about half soles on his shoes und goes out again. c and Mr. Vogelstein stands oop mit his j thumbs in der armholes of his vest und j says: v . "Hans, do I look like some spring , chickens? You bet I don't. You know * Kloppenlieimer, of course. Vholl, three * years ago he likes to sell me a dog for b \ S25. Do I buy him? Not on her life! I sliust sit down und figure dot Kloppenheimer vhas an old man und haf consumption und vhas dead py und py, und vhen he vhas dead dot dog vhas only $10. Did you see py der papers dot he died last week? Yes. sir; he vhas a dead man, und his widow comes oafer to me und says dot dog vhas only fife dollar. Py some philosophy I safe shust $20." "But you wait three years." I says. "Dot vhas so. But listen ro me. In dose three years dot dog bites four school children, und Kloppenheimer lias to pay each one $10. Dot makes $00 in my pocket." "But der dog vhas also three years older." "So he vhas, Hans?so he vhas, but in thrpp ro;ir<? hp learns to bite on old bones und let children's legs alone. She vhas straight philosophy, und you can't beat him. How vhas it vhen I buys an old horse of Schammer for $10? Ash an old horse tied to a post he vhas only worth $10, but vhen I untie him und let him walk on der street car track und he vhas killed I get $50 damages. Ten dollar from feefty leaves $40 to put down in my hind pocket. Why don't you send out der growler und get some peer?" "Because peer vhas so high," I says. "Here vhas some philosophy again," says Mr. Voglcstein. "If peer vhas cheap you get enough for 10 cents for both. If it vhas dear you get enough for your company, und he goes avhay und says you vhas a good feller. See?" I saw, und I send out der growler, mit 10 cents. Vhen she comes back I drink oop all der peer py myself. "Here, how vhas it?" says Mr. VogleBtein. "It vhas philosophy," I says. "But how ?" "Vhy. if one man drinks der peer und der odder man smells of der growler it mnlrps n hrewerv und a cobbler shon in one, und we vhas both happy." M. QUAD. Fearful Odds Against Him. Bedridden, alone and destitute. 3ucb, in brief, was the condition of an old soldier by name of Z. J. Havens, Versailles, 0 For years he was troubled with Kidney disease and neither doctors nor medicines ?ave him relief. At length he tried Electric Bitters. It put him on his feet in short order aod now he testiEies, "I am on the road to complete recovery." 6est on earth for Liver and KidDey troubles and all forms of Stomach and Bowel Complaints On\y 50c. Guaranteed by The Kaufmann Drug Co., Druggists. PICKINGS FROM FICTION. Prisons are the infernos civilization builds in which to hide its mistakes.? "The Under Dog." It's plumb foolishness to try to lay lown rules for other folks to live by. -"The Substitute." A man's faith in himself is often the ;hief cause of a woman's faith in him. -"Round Anvil Rock." A woman who has discarded a man is perhaps nearer loving him just aft jrward than ever before.?"Gordon Keith." Those whom we most resemble are :he very ones who are most annoyed :o see themselves reproduced.?"His Daughter First" There is a gravity of words; they descend and ?ever climb; they must, like i stone, come tumbling from above to io an injury.?"Peggy O'Neal." The sin and sorrow of despotism is lot that it does not love men, but that t loves them too much and trusts hem too little.?"Robert Browning." No woman of sense objects to her msband's simple admiration of an>ther woman, but when it comes to mother woman being a factor in his ife and thoughts a wife must and hould resent it.?"Despotism and democracy." The Way to Identify Her. Agnes and Ethel are the kind of wins it is difficult for intimates of the amily to distinguish apart. They are our years old and a source of despair o mere acquaintances. A friend of the family met one of the wins on the street the other day and i isked: i "Now, which are you, Agnes or Sthel? I simply can't tell you apart" "I'm Agnes," gurgled the small naiden, and then she put one of her hubby little fingers in her mouth and numbled: "You can tell me easy. I'm he one with the loose tooth."?New fork Press. The Turk and the Grave. In Russia many of the peasantry still >ury their dead in grottoes and eaves, ust as their princes and noble men vere accustomed to do centuries ago. ;n Constantinople, as in other Turkish rities, bodies are placed in the ground is soon as the last spark of life has ied. The Mussulman believes that as ong as the body is unburied the spirit s in torment and that it is a crime ikin to murder to molest a grave. Accordingly, the cemeteries around many >riental cities far exceed in extent the ibodes of the living. For Over Sisty Years. Mrs. Winslow's ScothiDg Syrup ic-. .1 o/-> tnf r\T7a*? civfrr marc UCCU i JJ UOO lUi U * ti- OlA vj j vui u >y millions of motbers for their chil!ren while teething, with perfect uccess. It soothes the child, softens he gums, allays all pain, cures wind :olic, and is the best remedy for Diarrhoea. It will relieve the poor ittle sufferer immediately. Sold by druggist in every part of the world, twenty-five cents a bottle. Be sure o ask for Mrs. "Winelow's Soothing Syrup,1: and take no other kind, tf AT 8IALT MAST. Sometimes we are greeted in the morning by flags at halt-mast for some S? prominent official who yesterday |\ was apparently in perfect health. || When we inquire the ailment by ? 1 which he was stricken is not un5 \ common to t^e told "a rite inaigesg 1 tion " or "stomach trouble." A I It is time people learned that inI digestion or any form of I "stomach trouble" is not a thing to trifle with. The B result may not be fatal, Z but there can be no 1 condition of diseased I stomach which does 3 not carrv with it physi ical lo^Tand weakness. I ^r' ^erce s Golden 6 Medical Discovery 9 cures indigestion and 1 ?^ier fQnils of disease X^vT atlecting tne stomacn and its allied organs of JrJyjj digestion and nutrition. fyyjW It enables the perfect diges^on an<^ assimilation of "Thanks to Dr. Pierce's Golden XI Medical Discovery," writes Mr, t V Charles H. German, of Dehighton, ' Pa. "It is the only medicine that has done me anv good. I tried everything I could think of to cure indiges5j tion. and found I was onlv throwing away money. Then I heard of Doctor Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery and tried a bottle of it. and to my joy found it was doing me good. I used six bottles * it. and am now cured. It is the best medicine oti earth." This grand remedy does its work in a thorough manner; it gives the health that is all health ; the strength that is solid, substantial and lasting; not flabby tat, not false stimulus, but genuine, complete, renewed vitality and life force. Accept no substitute for " Golden Medical Discovery." There is nothing "just as good" for diseases of the stomach, blood and lungs. Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets cure constipation and it3 consequences. A SCOUT'S HARD LIFE. Snmo of flip Hn.rd?lilnn find DnnCfMI That Most Be Faced. An unfortunate, says Leslie's Monthly, was sent with a dispatch to one of the smaller outposts in the far northwest. It was toward spring, when the midday sun thaws the surface of the snow and the light frosts harden the melted crusts to a glace of ico as dazzlingly bright as the blinding Hashes of sunlight from polished steel. The thaw had crusted over the trail, and the K?out had to keep a sharp eye on the way not to lose the path altogether. Suddenly the midday sun developed extraordinary hues. Magenta, purple and black patches began to dance on the snow, alternately with wh.-eis and rockets of cheese colored fire. Then the light went out altogether, though the ' man knew that it was broad day. He had become snow blind. The only thing , was to give his horse the bit. The horse stood stock still. By that time he knew that he had lost the trail ' altogc -ier or the broncho would have 1 followed any visible path. He wheeled < the horse about It stiil refused to go I on. and then the man inferred that the 1 crust of ice had been so hard that the ] horse could not follow back the way < it had come. That night the trooper ] slept under saddle blankets, with the faithful horse standing sentry. For five days the trooper wandered blindly over the prairies, losing all count of time, eating snow to quench his thirst and sleeping In the holes that the broncho had pawed through the ice crust to the under grass. The trooper was now too weak to mount and coririlo Act n 1n?t hnno the I thought struck him that if he unsaddled his horse and turned it loose it might find its way back to the fort, and so notify his friends that he was lost. He did this, but the faithful creature refused to leave the man lying on the snow and stood over him in spite of all his efforts to drive it off. On the sixth day the mail carrier found the pair. The trooper was severely frozen, but the rider and horse lived to see many another day's service. The Genuine vs. Conterfeits. The genuine is always better than a counterfeit, but the truth of this statem?nt is never more forcibly realized or more thoroughly appre- . ciated than when jou compare the genuine DeWitFs Witch Hazel Salve with the many counterfeits and worthless substitutes that are on the market W. S. Ledbetter, of Shrevepo^l, La., says: 4* After using numerous other remedies without benefit, one box of DeWitt's Witch Hazel Salve cared me.'1 For blind, bleeding, itching aDd protruding piles no remedy is equal to DeWitt's ? ^ i r*it* a 11 Wifccb Jtiazel Salve. soia Dy an druggists. Dcuiae Herseix. The fair young thing was telling about how happy she was when she saw her brother's baseball team win the intercollegiate game. "Oh," she gurgled, "I was so delighted that I just hugged myself for joy!" Here the grave professor of psychology looked up with an air of interest "Hugged yourself?" he asked. "Indeed. you must have been quite beside yourself to have done that."?Judge. The Proof of It. Casey (after Riley has fallen five stories)?Are yez dead, Pat? Riley?Oi am. Casey?Shure. yer such a liar Oi don't i know whether to belave yez or not. Riley?Shure, thot proves Oi'm dead. ! Yez wudn't dare call me a liar if Oi wur aloive!?Judge. To Cure a Cold in One Day Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All druggists refund the money if it fails to cure. E. W. Grove's signature is on each box 25c. THE SAME OLD WAY. Each day some man of science Proceeds to make us glad With some new scheme l'or putting Mosquitoes to the bad. But season after season We learn to our dismay That the "skeeter" he keeps busy In the same $ ?1?1 \v a y. We warn the fools who fancy The "tips" they have are straight. That betting on the raves Is worse than bucking fate. But what cart- they for warnings? They with spirits gay. And the bookie hooks their money In the same old w a y. We try to teach the lambkin To shun the bulls and bears; We warn him not to mingle Or mix in their affairs; But, thinking that heknows it, He goes with them to play And gets himself surrounded In old same the way. Each day the busy doctors Announce some wondrous cure For some disease or trouble That mortals must endure; Contagion, plagues and fevers They knock cut day by day, But the undertaker's busy In the same old way. ?Chicago Record-Herald. Not Afraid of Water. .?.? . "Oh, Freddie! Ain't you afraid?" | c "Who? Me? Not much! I'm a regu- 2 lar aquarium, I am."?New York Jour- ] nal. r 1 Sured Hemorrhages of the Lungs 2 "Several years since my lungs ? were bo badly affected that I bad many hemorrhages," writes A. M. 1 ike, of Wood, Ind. "I took treatment with several physicians without any benefit. I then started to take Foley's Honey and Tar and my = lungs are now as sound as a bullet. [ recommend it in advanced stages lung trouble." The Kaufmann Drug Co. Ignorance. Reporter?I meant my article to be pathetic, sir. Editor?Pathetic? You don't know the rudiments of pathos, sir. Here, you have written "baby"? Reporter?What should I have written, sir? t Editor?"Babe" ? always "babe" ? when writing pathos.?Judge. Sure to Agree. New Girl (timidly)?I s'pose you are a fine cook, mum? Young Mistress?Bless me, no; I don't know a thing about it. New Girl (relieved)?Then we'll get on famously, mum. I don't either.? New York Weekly. Old Swimraln' Hole. "You've got quite a depression here in your skull." said the phrenologist. "Were you kicked by a horse?" "No," replied the man in the chair. 'That's the old swimmin' hole. When I was a kid I dived and struck a rock." ?Indianapolis Sun. Success Is Different There. Polk?When a fellow starts to do anything he can always succeed if be only sticks to it. Jolk?Not always. How about when you start to remove a sheet of sticky fly paper that you've sat down on??PhiladelDhia Press. " l< Enough to Make Her 9o. , "What a flighty creature that Mrs. 1 Wrigglesleigh is!" ( "How can she help it with her hus- | banrl earning on air ship experiments J all the time?"?Chicago Record-Herald. I Uncle Rcnben Say*. d Dar am sartin things dat right dern- : selves. Fur instance, no man eber col- " ors his whiskers widout feelin' next | day dat he orter be kicked.?Detroit f Free Press. ^ 9 Warning. ^ Go 'way, Mistuh Skeeter! Don' you sing d dat song to me! " I'ze hyuhd about yoh doin's; you's as ? tough as you kin be. You's been aroun' a-lunchin' on malaria j fl an' things ; a Till you's jes' about as danjus as a rat- I | tlesnake wif wings. I l I didn' use to min' you when you come j f, a-brewsin' roun' j ^ Cas^ I knowed a slap ud send you turn- j f hlin' senseless to de groun', j g But since I hyuhd dem white folks I'ze | ^ as skaht as I kin be: ? Go 'way, Mistuh Skeeter! Don' you sing j * dat song to me! ! ft ?Washington Star. j ^ I \ riliaEgraaggaEgiajii \ HB CURES WHERE ALL ELSE FAILS. ST 9 gtaj Best Cough Syrup. Tastes Good. Use 3 ti in time. Sold by druggists. ?f I JMByare made every day by their own\^^Km IMF/carelessness. Cure that case of Consti-^^BJk 1 IBbI Pat*on anc^ ^digestion ere it's chronic. TryV^B^ ,^k\ and Tonic Pellets?a remedy that assists For sale by C E. Corley, G. M HarmaD, Kaufmann Drug Co., and W. P. Roof, Lc-xiDgton, S. C. FlTZMAURICE FlTZMAURICE 1 Dry Goods, Clothing and Furnishings, 1704 AND 1706 MAIN STREET, - - - S. Ct To Our Friends in Lexingron: When in need of anything in oar line would be glad or your sake for you to give us a call lor Spring Goods. These goods are very much idvanced in price, but tortnnatelv we had booght oefore the rise in price and we will be ible to sell at olrl prices, this is no: true iaiK. aun 10 oe piaia we nsven c iinie ior aiy,hiDg like that. Ii you ^ant to gtt treated ri^hr call and see us tor jo'ir wants. Tnere s no house in Columbia better able to take care of yoa than we are. With all kinds of lice goods at cur command. EXTRA SPECIAL. [ BOY'S CLOTHIXG. j iroo 3 a' ds 3('-iuch Percale at 5 j. worth 8J. j 10u Boy Suits, all wool, at S1.50, sold at $2. * 1000 yards Lt. PriDts 4c. sold at 5c. ^ ; 100 Boy Suits> allwoojt ?2.CO, sold at $3.50, 10,000 yds, 4-4 Sea Island at 5c., sold at^J. j sjqq f parate Pants at 25c. to 50c. 100 pieces of Fig. Lawns at 5c., would be _ . cheap at s3. CLOTH INO FOR M EN. t cases of Ladies Ribbed Vest at 5c. each. From SY00 to $12 50 you can make the 100 separate Skirts for rainv day or general best election to be had anywhere. With * onr new Clothing Room, we have the Room use at $1.<H) to S3.0P. j0r)j we can jastly save you from [00 dozen Shirt Waist at 25c. to $2.00 each $2.00 to $4,00 on a suit. Call to see us. 1 1 January 15. * ? , Bacacaeaeaeagaeaeaeacacaca 1 I WATCH THIS SPACE | 05 FOR YOUR BARGAINS IN ?5 | Fall asl Winter Dry hk | M ca gg NOTIONS, CLOTHING-. gg 03 S3 03 SHOES -A.XTXO EE-A-TS. S3 - es ss g8 Our Buyer is now in the Northern ftS Markets. ?5 98 YOURS FOR BARGAINS THAT WILL 58 SURPISE YOU. S8 | THE ?. F. FIRM OR. | 1G38-1G40 MAIN STREET, m ?a gj| COLU-MBIA, S. C. ||j