The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, June 03, 1903, Page 2, Image 2
-3
BROTHER GARDNER'S
LECTURES
He Arguey Thai Riches Are Not
Necessary to Happiness
*-?
[Copyright, 1003, by C. E. Lewis.]
?'35k ^2? T frens, de subjick of ray
lectur' (lis eavenin* am,
'Kin ^"e Ilappy "YYidout
Bern' Rich?' At (Is
fust send off every pusson in dis large
an' cultivated audience will answer in
de negative, but let us consider de matter
a little.
/n^ m(* aKat? -fI-*i -?7r f e nidtl
?\um: ui. no cwvi imua v?. ?i nvn <u>.u
widout a vision risin' up bei'o' us. Dat
vision locates dat rich man in a rod
velvet chair. Ke has fo'teen servants
standin* behind him in de doah to
jump if he sneezes. Dar am champagne
in front of him, bananas on his
right, cocoanuts on his left. In a silver
platter on his knees am ice cream,
sweet cake, ten cent cigars an' a cocktail.
"In his breast pocket am $10,000 in
greenbacks, and each of his feet rests
on a bag cf gold. All around him am
eight day clocks and rugs that cost as
much as $12 apiece. He's got three
tons of coa: jn ae ceiiar an a uur 1 vl
flour in de pantry. lie hain't got no
rent to pay, an' he's got bosses an'
keeridges in de barn.
"If he wants to walk out. de street
kyars will be keerful how dey bounce
him ober a fenoe, an' if he stays home
a dozen newspaper men will call to tell
him dat he owns de airtk.
"Dat's de vision dat alius dances
befo' our eyes when we read of a millyonaire,
an' we hold our breath till we
get red in de face. Madness an' envy
an' jealousy comes along wid de vision,
an' de fust tiling we know we am jawin'
de ole woman an' kickin' de family
dawg. We kin almost taste dat champagne
an' hear de chink of dat gold.
In de midst of de vision de ole woman
ginerally breaks in to tell us dat de
coal am out or de flour bar'l am empty,
an* we git np an' cuss de rich an' deelar'
dat de world am all wrong.
"My frens, let us make no mistake.
I libed 'longside of a rich man fur
conr's nn' vfMirs. an' I had oDDortunity
to see de odder side. No man ebcr gits
to be wuth a millyon dollars dat bis
trubbles doan' begin next day. No
man will come to you or me to try to
sell us windmills, lightnin' rods an'
patent churns, but de way dey do track
up de front steps of de millyonaire am
awful to see.
"He's got to git his ha'r cut de fust
thing an' shave once a day, an' if his
boots ain't blacked or his necktie gits
around under his left ear dar's a thousand
people to notice it.
"You an' me know dat two shillin'
suspenders hold up our trousers as well
as a pa'r costin' $G. De millyonaire
knows it, too, but he's got to pay out
$5.75 extra 'cause he's in de swim.
"In our vision we see him seated in
a.red velvet chair. It don't fit his back
\ ______
^'WID HIS FEET IN DE COOK STOVE AN*
I 'HIS MIN"' AT BEST."
nor give him'de comfort of an ole fashioned
splint. bottom, but he's got to
grin an' bear It 'cause he's rich.
"In all de y'ars dat I knowed a rich
man sunthin was alius happenin* to
him. While I was gwine on foot his
bosses run away an' broke his leg.
While I was enjoyin' my kitchen stove
his steam pipes busted and killed his
<?ook. While my cabin was too small
game fur thunderstorms lightnin'
struck his palatial mansion an' knocked
all de chimneys off. While me an' de
ole woman was grubbin' along by ourselves
he had to have sixteen of his
relations in his house. My dawg
wasn't wuth 15 cents, but he lived on.
His dawg was wuth $250, an' somebody
pizened him within two weeks.
"Bein' I was only Bruddcr Gardner,
no one spected anything of me, but
winVi won Vind +<-? ront fl nASt rtfflfA
box, a church pew, buy a steam yacht
an' carry around a five dollar umbrella
an' worry ober It.
"He nebber had no show to eat onions,
make molasses candy vsor pop
com. He nebber slid down hill, went
rabbit huntin' nor drunk cider out of a
jug. If he eber sot down of an eavenin'
wld his butes off an' a feel in' dat
he wanted to take comfort, his wife
dragged him off to de theater or a man
called to sell him a gold mine.
"My frens, what d'ye s'pose was de
end of dat man? He used to come ober
to my cabin an' eat a biled dinner wid
ine an' weep 'cause he was rich. He
wanted to be pore an' wear old clothes
ah* eat corned beef; but, alas, he
couldn't be. He had to be rich an' eat
fried oysters an' drink champagne an'
pretend to be happy.
"What was his end? Why, he went
own an' down till he reached de limit
#t last. Dat limit was reached when
ie had to give a party an' buy $10,000
When Sandow poses and the muscles
ridge his back and knot his arms, we
think we have before us the very secret
of strength in those magnificent muscles.
But we haven't. Starve Sandow, or,
what is practically the same thing, let
him be dyspeptic, and his muscle would
soon fail. Strength is made from food
properly digested and assimilated, and
no man is stronger than his stomach, because
when the stomach is diseased digestion
and assimilation are imperfect.
Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery
cures diseases of the stomach and other
organs of digestion and nutrition. It
enables the perfect digestion and assimilation
of food so that the body is nourished
into perfect health and strength.
"I had what my physician called indigestion,
i "He nave me medicine for the trouble but it did
mc :io good,'' writes Mr. W. H. Wells, of Willard.
N. C. "I wrote to Dr. Tierce and 9tated
ray case. He sent me a descriptive list and hygienic
rules. I carried out these as best I could,
bought six bottles of his 'Golden Medical Discoverv'
ami commenced takiug it. A few days
later I noticed a great change. Felt like a new
man. Before I began the use of the ' Golden
Medical Discovery' I suffered greatly with pain
in stomach, ray nerves seemed all 'inn-down,'
I was very thin in flesh, but now can eat heartly
and sleep good at night."
Dr. Pierce's Common Sense Medical
Adviser is sent free on receipt of stamps
to pay expense of mailing only. Send
twenty-one one-cent stamps for the paper-covered
book, or thirty-one stamps
for the cloth-bound volume. Address
Dr. R. V. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y.
wuth of runes to decorate do house. De
next mawnin' doy found hiiu dead in
his bed. an' de look on his face proved
dat he was glad to git out of it all.
"Don't you make no mistake, my
frens. We was put into dis world to
take comfort. Xatur' nebbcr intended
a man to sot up like a crowbar. She
nebbcr meant dat he must be on his
good behavior all de time. She invented
sweet cake an' champagne, but she
also invented barley coffee air bakea
taters.
"In imaginashun I kin see a pictur".
I It's of a pore man gwine home of a
| Saturday night wid his wages in his
pocket. He stops at de grocery an' orders
codfish an' su-;ar. He stops at de
cobbler's an' takes home his chillen's
shoes all mended up. He orders kerosene
ile an' soap for obor Sunday, an*
he knows dar'a butter an' four in de
house.
"He gits home to be greeted at de
gate by fo' chill'en an' a dawg. He
opens de door to receive de smiles of
his wife. He hasn't got no coupons to
cut off, no chocks to draw, no bonds to
hide under de bed. All he's got to do
am to eat supper, box de chillen's ears
an' set de hull eavenin' long wid his
feet in de oven of de cook stove an' his
mind at rest.
"Dat's me, an' dnt's you, an' dat's
ebery odder pore man in de kentry, an'
when we lie down at night or rise up
lr? rlr\ moTi'nin' tl-o nvtnr mnlisrp on' hp
grateful fur do fact dat we am takin'
comfort in hunks an' chunks, while de
rich man am hastenin' to his doom."
M. QUAD.
Zcdol Gives Strength,
By enabling the digestive orgAnto
digest, assimilate and transform
all of the wholesome food th it hisa
be eaten into the kind of blood thai
nourishes the nerves, feeds the tissues.
hardens the muscles and recuperates
the orgaos of the entire
body. Kodol Dy-pepsia Cure cure*Indigestion,
Dyspepsia, Catarrh of
the Stomach and all s omach d>s
orders. Sold bv all druggists.
In a State- of Donbt.
"You claim to be a law abiding citizen,
don't you?" asked the man who
argues.
"I don't know whether J^am or not,"
answered Mr. Sirius Barker. "There's
a lot of laws and police regulations
that I never road. I can't be sure that
I'm not violatin' some of 'em every
day."?Denver News.
Just Pop'* Way.
Teacher?Now, Mary, suppose your
father agreed to work for $2 per day
and at the end of the first week or six
days he brought home $10. Would
that be right?
Mary?No, ma'am, and mom always
tells him it ain't right.?St. Louis PostDispatch.
A Relief to Him.
"Young man." said her father kindly,
"you look a little bit nervous. How
do you feel?"
"I feel flattered." replied the girl's
lover, who had asked for the interview.
"I was afraid I looked scared to
death."?Philadelphia Press.
Complimentary.
He (at the art exhibition)?Well, how
?lo you like Brown's picture?
She?Thai one? Why, I thought it
was yours! Very bad. isn't it??Punch.
The safest principle through life, inrtead
of reforming others, is to set
i bout perfecting yourself.?Ilaydon.
During the summer kidney irregularities
ere often caused by excessive
drinking or be;ng overheated. Attend
to the kidneys at once by using
... Foley's Kidney Cure. The Kaufmann
Drug Co.
Remember, on Saturdays, you will
fin 1 ice cream at the Bjzaar.
. i
JACK MASON'S WAG EE
HE WON IT IN GREAT OTYLE WITHOUT
"TURNING A HAIR."
I'nisino Jlujitinpr Expr.niulp or r. Fnxnou.s
Old Time Virginia- Spori?iC-i:i.
IJirtI SI'.ooiini; Thp.t Opened :i
Old Scotchman'* Ilye.i.
From all accounts Jack ? Jr. son in his
youth tvas the wildest rattling young
blade in the country. One of his sporting
escapades is a household tradition
do v.* n in old Quantico to this day, says
Alexander Hunter in Outing.
There was a large plantation in the
section owned and wo:lied by a Scotchman.
an elderly man, who employed no
oversee1*, but filled the place himself.
Ho was 1 lie typical stern, bigoted
Scotch. Covenanter as drawn by the
immortal pen of the Wizard of the
North. He was a fanatic in nil things
and was utterly out of place among
the pleasure loving Virginia gentry. It
was the irrepressible antipathy of the
Cavalier and Puritan?the rising of the
bristles of the boar at the approach of
the staghounds. lie herded by himself,
and they left hi in severely alone. The
canny Scot was himself no sportsman,
nor would lie allow any of the nuighi
bom to fire a gun on his place.
Now it happened there was a large
ball near by. with Jack Mason in attendance.
of eoursb, and during the
night the young planters discussed the
chances of autumn shooting and deplored
the failure of all their efforts to
be allowed to hunt on the Scotchman's
preserves. Jack Mason offered to bet
his favorite horse against any of equal
value that he would shoot over that
preserve on the morrow and with the
full and free consent of the owner. Ho
was asked if he knew him personally
or had unknown mi ins of winning his
favor.
He answered in the negative and
added he had never even met the Scot
? a j-i
in his life. The wager was cjossu mere
and then.
The next morning as the old Covenanter
was walking up and down the
porch enjoying his after breakfast pipe
a strange apparition advanced up the
gravel walk and took off his three cornered
hat and made him a sweeping
bow. The Scot winked his eyes and
looked again. lie saw a slender, effeminate
looking fellow some twenty-five
years old who seemed literally to have
stepped from the ballroom. His ruffled
shirt front was adorned with a diamond.
mother of pearl buttons gleamed
on Lis sky blue coat, and bis satin small
clothes glistened In the sunshine. A
pair of silk stockings were gartered by
a love knot bow of blue ribbon, and bis
dancing pumps were decorated by a
jeweled buckle. He carried a gun in
one hand, and two pointer dogs trooped
at his heels.
"Well, what do you want?" asked the
planter.
In a mincing voice the intruder asked
his gracious permission to shoot a few
birds, saying he had been dancing all
night at Warwick hall and needed a
little morning exercise.
The? Scot gazed at him with the same
feeling perhaps that his stalwart mountain
bred ancestor had at the perfumed
dainty fops of Charles II.'s court. He
was about to utter a curt and positive
refusal when his grim Scotch humor
got the better of him. lie came near
hilarious laughter as he saw that delicately
clothed creature standing sc
clean, jaunty and nice and then pictured
him returning from the hunt, his
costly attire In rags, his tender limbs
scratched, his.morning glory all gone.
So he smiled in his board and asked
him if he intended to hunt just as he
was dressed. He was answered in the
affirmative. So he gave his assent that
his unknown guest for that one day
might shoot all he pleased, and then he
started of? for the low grounds to attend
to the cornshucking.
A short time after his negro manager
came running up to him and said:
"Marster, there won't be a bird left
on dis here place. De man's a debbil,
( and the dogs is the debbil, and the gun
is a debbil."
Dropping his work, the owner hurried
to the scene, and he opened his
eyes very wide indeed at what he saw.
in tee iroui or me nouse was a siuuuie
Held of several hundred acres that had
been harvested in wheat the same
year. It was as level as a table and an
ideal feeding place for the quail. For
many years they had whistled, mated
and fed around the place all undisturbed
until they became almost as
tame as baruyard fowls. The owner
saw the dogs stand motionless, saw the
dandy sportsman pick his way gently
where they were, saw a few birds rise
and two puffs of smoke, followed by
a nearly simultaneous report. Two
birds dropped, then the clogs retrieved,
and the game was handed to a nondescript
negro lad whom the sportsman
had picked up somewhere, who had
i tied the birds to a string and wrapped
them around his body until he was
i half hidden from view.
The gun was loaded and capped inside
of a minute. The performance was
repeated. The man never hurried, the
dogs, beautifully trained, never bungled.
the gun never missed, and the
dandy had. in sporting parlance, never
"turned a hair." The stockings were
a little colored by the chick weed, but
he was ready to lead the minuet that
moment.
The Scotchman at first was furiously
nvj-w. hut as he saw the matchless
work of the trinity of destructive
agents?man. gun. dog?so perfectly
blended into one, and beheld in the af>
footed coxcomb the same metal which
under Rupert had again and again
, broken the steel fronted squares of
Cromwell's Ironsides, he advanced and
asked his name, and when it was given
be answered, "I might have known it."
And that's how Jack Mason won his
bet
Qr:o n.weplioii.
"Seeing is believin;,'. you Imow." remarked
the man witli the intjrowr.
(nictation habit.
"Xot always." replied the fussy person.
"I see you frequently, but I seldom
believe you." ? Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
His Good ?.ntnre?l Way.
De Broune?Is Fitz-Greune j^ood nntured
V
Van Schmidt?Good natured? Good
naturedV Well. I should say so! Why.
he laujrhs at his own jokes.?Xew Orleans
Times-Democrat.
Wretch.
Jim ? That man destroyed all my
married happiness.
Jam ? What! You don't mean to
say?
"I do. He married the cook."?Baltimore
Herald.
Looked Attend.
"What interesting sermons you
preach!"
"Yes. The time I should have been
In a theological seminary I spent sowing
my wild oats."?Life.
I'ronf Enough.
"I ray, Carleton. do they have very
high proof whisky out your way?"
"Do they? Why. man, they run automobiles
with it instead of alcohol."?
Boston Herald.
How He I'lacnied Her.
Maisio?'The diamond in this engagement
ring is awfully small. *
' Morton?I told the jeweler it was for
tlic smallest hand in the city.?Indianspoli.?
Journal.
Spring.
Folks on muddy crossingsSlip.
slip, slip!
Women making dressesSnip.
snip, snip!
College boys class yelling?
Yip. yip. yip!
Some one beating carpet*?
Blip, blip, blip!
?Chicago Tribune.
Interesting to Asthma Sufexers.
1 Daniel Bante ci Oiterville, Iowa,
writes, "I have h<id asthma for tbrte
or four years and have tried abuUt
all the cough and asthma cures in
the market and have received treafc|
ment from physicians in New York
| and other cities, but got very little
benefit until I iritd Foley's Boney
and Tar which gave me immediate
relief aud I will never be without it
1 m my house. I niocerely recommend
ii to all " The Kaufmaun Drug Co.
Wanted to Bo Sure of Ilim.
"I want a real nice monument for
1 him." said the widow.
"About what size, madam?"
"Well, about six or eight tons. You
know, it's pretty hard to keep a good
man down."?Atlanta Constitution.
Not Stimulating.
1 "Funniman has a dry sort of hu1
mor."
"Yes, his jokes are enough to drive
* one to drink, if that is what you
tiean."?Town and Country.
1
! A Musical Preference.
> I likes to hear de playin'
When dc band comes down de street,
An* I jines de crowd a-strayin*
'Cause it gets into my feet.
> But In spite of all de pleasure
Of dem harmonies sublime
I>ar's a ompany dat I treasure
Even more; dey's frien's of mine.
I'ze waitin' till de cricket
Or de murmurin' honeybee
Btaht to fiddlin' in de thicket;
' Defs de orchestra foh me.
i ?Washington Star.
Greenville, Tenn.
I ba^a thoroughly convinced my
- i *ni _ ji j
wf-n that W. .Baiters -dioou auu
Liver Cure is the finest medicine
made U r Indigestion and Constipation.
(I have tried them all) and
was cured by the use of this medicine,
f'fter all others had failed. I
most cheerfully and unhesitatingly
endoise it. Yours truly,
H. N. Baker, Mayor.
For sale at the Bazaar.
A Utiihfal Man's Rase.
A bashful young roan who was afraid
to propose to his sweetheart induced
her to fire at him with a pistol which
he assured her was only loaded with
powder, and after she had done so he
fell down and pretended to be dead.
She threw herself wildly upon the
body, called him her darling and her
beloved, whereupon he got up and
, married her.?London Tit-Bits.
Tlic* Cotv.
"Johnny." said the teacher, "write a
sentence containing the word 'contents.'
"
After a few moments' bard labor
Johnny submitted the following: ''The
contents of a cow is inilk."?Chicago
; News.
Don't guy people. It's not much fun
for you. and the people whom you guy
will hate you and lay for a chance to
get even.?Atchison Globe.
Ten Years in Bed.
i R. A. Gray, J. P., Oakville, Ind.,
> write-, "For ten years I was conhued
to mv lv-d with disease of my
kidneys. It ?as so severe that I
1 could not move part of the time.
| I consulted the very best medical
skiil available, bbt could get no relief
until Foley's Kidney Cure was
recommended to me. It has been a
, God send to me." The Kaufmann
Drug Co.
Thousands Have Kidney Trouble
and Don't Know it.
How To Find Out.
Fill a bottle or common giass with your ]
water and let it stand twenty-four hours; a
9 a ^ sec^ment or sst"
li?M1 ij J tling indicates an
l^sT7? unhealthy condi[wi
/ tion v
\m lp[r^S/ . 1 V H^ys; if it stains *
>'our Iinen u is '
J evidence of kidJBQ
\i/fl CLffi ney trouble; too
^^TV^/V 1^%}^ fluent desire to
* Pass h or Pa'in in "j
?. ,s aj<.0
convincing proof that the kidneys and biad- ;
derareoutot order.
V/liat to Do.
There is comfort in the knowledge so
often expressed, that Dr. Kiimer's Swamp- J
Root, the great kidney remedy fulfills every
wish in curing rheumatism, pain in the
back, kidneys, liver, bladder and every part
of the urinary passage. It corrects inability
to hold water and scalding pain in passing
it, or bad effects following use of liquor,
wine or bee. -nd overcomes that unpleasant
necessity of being compelled to go often
during the day, and to get up many times
during the night. The mild and the extraordinary
effect of Swamp=Root is soon
realized. It stands the highest for its wonderful
cures of the most distressing cases,
if you need a medicine you should have the
best. Sold by druggists in 5Cc. and $ 1. sizes.
You may have a sample bottle of this
wonderful discovery
and a book that tells
more about it, both sent
absolutely free by mail, *
address Dr. Kilmer & Home of Swamp-Root.
Co., Binghamton, N. Y. When v/riting mention
reading this generous offer in this paper.
Albert M. Boozer,
Attorney at Law.
m
COLUMBIA, C.
Especial attention given to business etrnsted
to him by his l'ellow citizens o
Lexington county.
Office: 1216 Main Street, upstairs, cppo8i*e
Van M ive'sFumituie btore
February 28 ?tf.
^ Wl ^ |J TWO HUNDRED '
tions. If you are Interested, write us for
our handsome illustrated catalog,
THE LANIER SOUTHERN BUSINESS COLLEGE,
MACON, GA.
November 19, 1902?ly,
]
Parlor Restaurant,?
1336 main street. 1
COLUMBIA, - S. C., 1
The only up-to-date eatino
House of its kind in the City of Columbia.
It is well kept?clean linen,
prompt and polite service and get it quickly.
Quiet and order always prevail. You get
what yon order and pay only for what you
get. Within easy reach of desirable sleeping
apartments.
OPEN ALL NIGHT.
B. DAVID, Proprietor. '
| The ffm. F. t
CftJ SUCCE3S0ES TO 1
C^' I 638-1 640 MAIN ST
?? Solicts a share
?? tronage. "Vv
a*m
I D^^s'
ATTATIi'N 1 TIT"
SS SUUES AiN
*
We have competent men at the
We have each to give for barj
to give for cash. Come to
??5 but the best
SS8SS88S83SS8S
BEESWAX WANTED
:n large or small quantities
TT7E WILL PAY TEE HIGHEST MAR.
VY ket price lor clean and pure Beesrax.
Price governed by color and condlioD.
TIIJE BAZAAR,
lexington, s. c"
_ I
^ j
Thiit Grow and Bear Fruit.
\C ' "''i; Write for our 0 pace ilI
%. 'lust.rated Catalogue and 40 ;
| ^2^2^ 'page pamphlet. How to
jl'iant aau uuiuvam nu ui- ,
Jehard," Gives you That in- i
{formation you have so long
K^V'-sS (wanted; telis you all about
w&>*$v ,those big red apples, lueious
:peaches, and Japan plums
iwith their oriental sweetness,
A 'ail of which you have often
:wondered where the trees
J? la -came from that produced
.them. I
yi'^^VERYTH\M GOOD I.N
FRUITS. |
4l oS' 'Unnsal fine sfoekof SILVER !
vjtf . J) j MAPLES,young, thrifty trees ;
V-,.smooth andstrai ht, the kind .
'wM/irpthat live an<i grow off well, ;
old, rough trees. This is
*&SS^.the most rapid growing ma- ,
pie and one of the most beau- ;
tif111 shade trees.
Write for price? and give
^wl^list of wants*
J. Van Lindley Nursery Co.,
Pomona, N C.
mm i
HASR^BALSAM
m ft i tai^ bcantiUea the j
.Never yailo to Bcstore Gray
Hair to its Youthful Color.
Cure* scalp diseases 3c hair tailing.
JOc,and$i-Wftt Drufrgii-t*
iiiOjHt
Will Pfactive in a-l Court?,
KABFMANN BUILDING,
LEXINGTON, S C
On the lbth day ot Octot er, we formed
i co-partnership for the piactice of law.
kVe will be pleased to receive those haying
egal busine s to be attended to at onr otice
in the Kautmann building at any time.
Respectfully.
J. WM. THURMOND,
G. BELL TIMMERMAN,
October 22. i902.?ly.
Hilton's Life for the
Liver and Kidneys tones
up the stomach.
i" P
to k,
tVx.. FURTICK.
f^?5
., COLUMBIA,S-C. &Q
3 of your pa- ??
re handle g?
CLOTHING, |
Si
0 HATS, ?f
Clflr) ^
illvV H
gg
bead of all departments. grEg
gains and have bargains Cfir
see us. "We handle
goods.
Q6W969QQ