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ISIS Oratory as It Flows In the Halls of Congress. / Eloquent, Pathetic, Humorous and Sometimes Thrilling Speeches Appear In The Congressional Record. Strange Request of a Constituent. Pleased Him to Read About Dead Congressman?How the Late Cush man K. Davis Was Eulogized. [Copyright, 1902, by Champ Clark.] Very many estimable persons have fallen into the error that The Congressional Record is dull and profitless reading. On the contrary, few publications afford more valuable instruction or more pleasant recreation, and no'wonder, for it contains the results of the scientific, political, literary and legal investigations of 450 senators and representatives, assisted by librarians, secretaries and other helpers, to say nothing of an occasional essay by the president of the United States, cabinet ministers and heads of departments. The Record contains samples of every sort of oratory ever devised by the wit of man?dry, eloquent, witty, humorous, logical, thrilling, didactic, pathetic. In it may be found speeches which put men to sleep as surely as opium and others which stir the heart like strains of martial music. Funeral Oratory. People chuckle when they peruse this letter to a representative from one of his constituents: "Send me some eulogies. 1 like to read about dead congressmen!" In asking for congressional eulogies he had no idea that he was preferring a request for specimens of exquisite oratory. Yet that was precisely what he was doing. In a recent magazine article Hon. Thomas B. Reed says: "The funeral oration must have had and did have its origin in far antiquity. No time has ever been and no time can ever be when the closing of life will cease to be its great event. In congress the funeral oration still survives, and much eloquence still pervades the halls when death comes. Of course there is much uttered which makes the judicial smile, but there is also much which is worthy of the themes, which, after all. are themes which involve all of this world -_J -1! TT~;+l, oil a LIU 21U Ui IIS UCiae \ clucuis. ? mi un the possibilities of the land across the barriers of which the dead man has been borne." Cushman K. Davis. The funeral orations in the senate touching the life and character of Cushman K. Davis of Minnesota were of an unusually high order of merit Speaking of the numerous deaths in the senate and of the high character of senators in general. Senator Hoar of Massachusetts said: "The senate, as its name implies, has been from the beginning, with few exceptions, an assembly of old men. in the course of nature many of its members die in office. That has been true of 3S senators since I came to the capi, tol. Others, a yet larger uumber, die soon after they leave office. Of the men with whom I have served in this chamber 5S more are now dead, mak- 1 ing in all 00, enough and to spare to organize another senate elsewhere. To that number has been added every vice 1 nresident but two. L'Don those who r have died in office eulogies have been pronounced in this chamber and in the house. The speakers have obeyed the rule demanded by the decencies of funeral occasion?nil de mortuis nisi bonum?if not the command born of a ! tenderer pity for human frailty?jam parce sepulto ? but in general, with scarcely an exception, the portraitures have beeu true and faithful." Soldier and Statesman. Speaking of the relative merits of the soldiers and statesmen on the one hand and of authors and poets on the other. Senator Hoar uttered these philosophical remarks: "Of course, Mr. President, in this great century which is just over, when our republic, this infant Hercules, has beeu growing from its cradle to its still youthful manhood, the greatest place for a live man has been that of a soldier in time of war and that of a statesman in time of peace. Cushman K. Davis was both. He did a man's full duty in both. No man values more than I do the function of the man of letters. No man reveres more than 1 rto thp man of cenius who in a lovine: ami reverent way writes the history of a great people, or the poet from whose lyre comes the inspiration which induces heroic action in war and peace. But I do not adnrit that the title of the historian or that of the poet to the gratitude and affection of mankind is greater than that of the soldier who saves nations or that of the statesman who creates or preserves them or who "makes them great. I have no patience when I read that famous speech of Gladstone, he and Tennyson being on a journey, when he ^ .. Tah n rc-An'c f Jfla f A 1UUUCSLIJ {JUia JXl. icuujouu o iinv iv the gratitude of mankind far above his own. Gladstone, then prime minister, declared that Tennyson would be remembered long after he was forgotten. That may be true. But whether a man be remembered or whether he "be forgotten, whether his work be appreciated or no. whether his work be known or unknown at the time it is accomplished, is not the test of its greatness or its value to mankind." A Mot to Be Remembered. "There ha?e been soldiers whose courage saved the day in great decisive battles when the fate of nations hung In the scale, yet whose most enduring monument was the column of smoke .which rease when their death shot was HHBnHBOHBnnaHBHni fired. There have been statesmen whose silent influence has decided the issue when the country was at the parting of the ways of whose service history takes no heed. The great Ohio territory, now six imperial states, was twice saved to freedom by the almost unnoticed action of a single man. With all respect for the man of letters, we are not yet quite ready to admit that the trumpeter is better than the soldier or the painter greater than the lion." In speaking of Senator Davis' conversational powers Senator Hoar said. "No spark from him was ever a cinder in the eye of his friend," a mot worthy to be remembered and to be quoted as long as our literature survives. Defense of Funeral Orations. Henry Cabot Lodge, junior senatey ' from Massachusetts, gave this defense, j reason and excuse for the funeral oration in general: "Mr. President, 'death,' said one of I the wisest of men, 'hath this also? I that it openeth the gate to good fame and extinguished envy.' Bacon, I conceive, meant more by envy than the : mere jealousy of one man toward an- j other. lie intended, we may suppose, that general lack of just' appreciation from which every man of distinction, especially in public service, often suffers in his lifetime. And he rightly says that death openeth the gate to good fame, which is but another way of declaring that it is the first attempt to do justice to a man's career and services. It is a common error that eulogies, especially those spoken in the freshness of grief, are necessarily as little to be believed as the epitaph held j by Lord Byron to be typical of false- ! hood. This error springs from another i equally common, that criticism means i fault finding, whereas true criticism, which alone is of value, consists quite I as much in pointing out beauties as in j enumerating defects. Therefore it fol- j lows that the eulogy fulfills the kindly | function nf pvitir-wrn tho nthor lmvirir' i been already amply performed during j tlie lifetime of him whose virtues- are j celebrated in a funeral oration. Thus ' the balance is made even, and in the j two combined History, looking down j long hence with calm and patient eyes, will find the man and do him justice. If in the first burst of sorrow eulogy is overstrained, history can be trusted to i set it right. At the worst, excess of praise is a good fault, for the chances j are very great that the living man in j his public life got less praise than he j was entitled to and far more of misun- i derstanding than any one deserves, j Even if he did not endure in his public j service the worst forms of calumny j and detraction he is certain to have ; suffered by comparisons made with a past which never existed, whose trail- J ing clouds of glory are often conjured up by the envy of which Bacon speaks j in order to make the living man of the J moment look small and earthy. So it may be said that men act wisely to speak well of the newly dead, for thereby they do more than testify to their j sorrow, inasmuch as they in some dt- ! gree help to set the balance straight +Vn\??? mi'tn t Airn r/1 tlm O /! _ U II Li liiUO w, i > L. lULIi lXJALLT IV/??U1U lii\. uu vaucement of the final truth." Senator Daniel's Tribute. To illustrate Senator Davis' fine lit- i erary taste. Senator John W. Daniel of ; Virginia, himself a master in the ds?i eate and difficult art of Demosthenes, ; Cicero and Patrick Henry, said: "Respecting his good taste in the fitting application of the fine thoughts of ; others, which, indeed, he seldom need- j ed. so ready were his own, I may use his own language in reference to an- ! other and say: "These emblems of his industry are woven into his style like the bees into the imperial purple of Napoleon's coronation robes." Senator Daniel evidently takes no stock in the theory that Lord Bacon wrote the Shakespearean plays, for he says: "Those who have amused themselves ! in reading the curious books of the j iconoclasts, which make laborious ef- j fort to show that Francis Bacon j wrote the Shakespearean plays, as well as those who find in the master's work J inherent evidence of his identity, will sympathize with Mr. Davis' sharp re- ! buke of their heresy where be says: i "And now comes some one and says that here is proof that Shakespeare is a mere alias for Francis ! Bacon. It is difficult to touch or let alone this | vagary with any patience. One is inclined simply i to protest in the words of Shakespeare's epitaph: ! " 'Good frend for lesus sake forbeare To digg the dust encloased heare,' and pass on, deeming all secure against a desecration worse than that which the poet cursed." Davis as an Oratcr. Senator Davis' greatest oratorical performance was his speech delivered en the field of Gettysburg July 2, 1S97, at the unveiling of the statue erected by the state of Minnesota to commemorate the charge made there by the First regiment of Minnesota infantry volunteers on July 2, 1SG3. In one sense it was a funeral oration, from which I quote the following excerpts: "How lovingly Peace, enrobed in her Imperial mantle of golden harvests, ieigns over this delicious landscape! The refulgent armor of war now rusts beneath our feet. The cannon, that we see here in position among the ranks which sleep in the invincible array of death are silent forever. Peace now holds an unbroken sway over our dear land. And yet 34 years ago today she fied affrighted from this scene. The fiery chariots of war were reaping here ner neias ana wore garnering u narvesi of men into that tabernacle of never ending rest wherein all grains and fruits and flowers and men and all living things n*ist be garnered at last. "Nearly 100,000 men fronted each other here. Neither waged a war of foreign invasion. They were brothers, deeply augered. But that brotherhood was an assurance of fraternal reunion at some time when war should cease and the resistless forces of reconciliation should assert themselves, as they have done, thanks be to him who has guided and protected this nation." CU IMP CLARK. disease. One false step, one mistake, ! and the attack comes swift and sudden. The mistake which commonly opens the way for an attack by disease is neglect " ~ ? * * 1. x ~-1_1 ~ oi tne symptoms or stomacn truuuic. When eating is followed by undue fullness, belchings, sour or bitter risings, etc., disease is attacking the stomach. The best way to frustrate such an attack is to use Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery. It cures diseases of the stomach and other organs of digestion and nutrition, and makes the body strong and healthy. " I was suffering very much with my head and stomach." writes Mrs. W. C. Gill, of We Id on, Shelby Co., Ala., "head was so dizzy when I would raise up in bed would fall right back. Could eat but very little, in fact scarcely anything, there seemed to be a heavy weight in my stomach so I could not rest; I had to belch very often and would vomit up nearly everything I ate. I was iu a bad condition. I took four bottles of Dr. Pi-rce's Golden Medical Discovery and live of his Favorite Prescription ' and am now well and hearty. I feel like a new woman and give Dr. Pierce's medicines credit for it all. I had taken medicine from physicians without -???*? KoMafit ?"? O T O/M COO Dr. Pierce's Common Sense Medical Adviser is sent free on receipt of stamps to pay expense of mailing only. Send 21 one-cent stamps for the paper covered book, or 31 stamps for the cloth-bound. Address Dr. R. V. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y. FOR THE CHILDREN The Story of a Squirrel. Have you ever been fortunate enough to watch the antics of a squirrel in a cage? Of course every boy knows the squirrel of the woods and how industriously he provides against the coming of a rainy day, which in his case means the times of year when the gathering of nuts is impossible. He has been known to store quantities of nuts away in tree trunks, and sometimes naughty boys have been known to steal from the busy squirrel?actually steal his supply of nuts?because it is too much trouble to emulate the squirrel's industry. But I started to tell you the story of a tame squirrel in a cage. A lady has one, a lady who does not live very far Vow VnvL- iiprl slip snvs the dear little creature causes her a great deal of amusement by liis pranks. She has laughed uproariously to see him in his good sized cage, racing about in it and making a noise like the running of a typewriter. This particular squirrel is IVj feet long (tail included), and yet he manages to squeeze himself through the smallest holes. If you give him a paper, he will lake it in his forepaws like a boy and crumple it up and poke it forward into the disk of his cage, so that he may make a more comfortable bed. Then after it he will crawl. lie seems to prefer sleeping here because the disk is on a rack inside the cage, and lie can get more air. The squirrel hasn't been out of the cage yet. Ills ov,mer expects to see him perform great antics when he is allowed to venture forth. Already he eats hickory nuts a great deal, as we should have to eat them if we were in his place. His teeth are very long, and he bites into the nut un * i - ? til It craciis. ?Dl?n I1U spiis uui li;u shell. Altogether he is a very bright little creature, and no one could help loving him.?C. E. Shimcr in Brooklyn Eagle. A Wideawake Boy. When General Grant was a boy, his mother one morning found herself without butter for breakfast and sent him to borrow some from a neighbor. Going, without knocking, into the house of a neighbor, whose son was then at West Point, young Grant overheard a letter read from the son stating that he had failed in examination and was coming home. He got the butter, took it home and, without wait| ing for breakfast, ran down to the office of the congressman from that district. | "Mr. Hamar," he said, "will you ap, point me to West Point?" ! "No. So-and-so is there and has vonrs to serve." I ! j ? J "But suppose he should fail, will you | send me?" Mr. Hamar laughed. "If he doesu't go through, no use for you to try." | "Promise you'll give me a chance, Mr. Hamar, anyhow." Mr. Hamar promised. The next day the defeated lad came home, and the congressman laughed at Uly's sharpi ness and gave him the appointment. "Now," said Grant, "it was my mother's being out of butter that made me general and president." But it was his own shrewdness to see the chance and promptness to seize it that urged him upward.?Christian Advocate. The Best Liniment for Strains. Mr. H. F Wells, a merchant at Deer Park, Long Island. N Y, say?: i 41 always recommend Chamberlain's ! Pain Bslm as the best liniment for ! strains. I used it last winter tor a | severe lameness in the side, resulting from a strain, and was greatly | pleaded with the quick relief and i cure it effected." lor sale by J. E | Kaufmann. Demagogues govern some cemj munities and demijohns rule others. I ZEB WHITE'S TALE. THE OLD HUNTER'S STORY OF A CRITTER LOOKING FOR BLOOD. lie Tell* How a Cantankerous Man Was Suddenly Put to Flight After Being; Beaten Beyond Kxpeetations by Zeb's liood Wife. [Copyright, 1002, by C. E. L?wis] ONE October day %eb White, the possum hunter of Tennessee. took mo along with him when he went the rounds of his woodehuck traps, and as we ? ?-? - ? V K/v 4/\l/l A 4b io efn. W'Ore COUiilig aouiu uu u?iu ijuu un.i diu ry: "I worked so hard fur throe or fo' y'nrs arter ihe wall that I got all run down and couldn't skassly git about. Thar was days when I felt purty well and days when I jest sot around and hadn't strength 'miff to move outdoahs. That same y'ar a critter named Pike moved into the nayburhood. He was "NOW, THEN, ZEB WHITE, CUM OUT YEBE!" from Alabamy, I believe, and be let it ue Known i)u?mui ?uuu iiiui uu ?no a hefty man in a scrimmage. He talked so loud and blowed so high that everybody was skeart of him. and he jest went around steppin' high and bossin' the roost. That critter used to cum down to my cabin and brag and blow and tell how' many men he'd licked, and one day I gin him plain to understan' that I didn't believe his stories. That made him mad, and he went away sayin' as how he'd wallop me fur his next victim. He knowed I was in pore health and couldn't fight a fly, but every two or three days he'd cum down and stand in front of the cabin and yell: 44 'Now, then. Zeb White, cum out yere and git the awfulest wallopin' a human critter ever received! I'm no hand to brag, but I kin tie both hands behind me and then chaw yo' up in two minits. I've licked forty-seven different men and never got my nose skinned. Either own up that yo' dasn't fight a man or cum out and be walloped.' "That's the way he'd talk to me," continued Zeb. "and I'd git so mad that I cried like a child. Bimeby I begun to git a lcetle better, and one day when he was callin' on me to cum fo'th and be walloped I told him that if he'd show up a week from that day I'd tackle hJm. He went away crackin' his heel? and whoopin' and rejoicin\ and the old woman sez to me, sez she: " 'Zeb WMte. if yo' was a well man yo' could wallop that critter befo' I could make a hoecakc, but yo've bin down the banks all summer, and yo' can't git well in a week. I'm sorry yo' passed yo'r word, but bein' it's passed we'll hev to abide by it. I'll git whisky and roots tomorrer and brace yo' up.' " "And did you get better?" I asked. "No; I got wuss. Whisky and roots didn't do me no good. When the week was up, I was in bed and too feeble to walk across the room. That pesky critter k 110wed jest bow it was witb l | me, and yit be cum and stood in front of the cabin and shouted to the ole woman: 44 4Ar' this the dwellin' place of a varmint named Zeb White?' I ' -She be.' I 44 4Calls hisself the possum hunter of I Tennessee, don't he?' 44 'Yes; he do.' 44 4Hus wrassled with b'ars and wildcats and painters and thinks hisself powerful on the light?' 44 'That's my Zeb.' 44 'Then I hain't made no mistake. Would yo' do me the everlastin' kindness to tell him to step out yere while I chaw his ears off and stay my hunger.' " 'He's sick abed just now, but if yo'll cum back arter dark he'll make yo' eat grass and heller like a calf.' 44'Then yo' kin be lookin' fur me, Widder White. I'll be kinder sorry to see death take him from yo', but I must hev him fur my forty-eighth victim. (jlood arternoon, Widder?White; good arternoom' ' That's how they talked," said Zeb as he heaved a rock at a snake sunning itself on a rock, "and of co'se I heard every woia! of it. 1 jest couldn't help weepin' wiz/i my madness. How was I to go out and light him when I couldn't git outer bed? That's what I asked the ole woman, and she sorter winked and smiled and sc:s to me, sez she: " 'Zeb. doan' yo' worry no mo' 'bout I this wallopin' bizness. but leave it all j to mo. If that varmint shows up here tonipht. lie u be tne wust uckcu man in all Tennessee befo' lie pits away.' " Tint who's awilie to lick him:' " " "Never yo' mind. "She wouldn't say no mo'." contin| tied Zeb. "and I was too feeble to tip| per it out. I cried myself to sleep, and it was artcr dark when 1 woke up. That thai* varmint had cum back, 'cordin' to promise, and was in front of the cabin a-shoutin': " 'Zeb White, the time has cum fur yo' to be pulverized. Mebbe I won't do no 1110' than chaw yo'r ears off and cripple yo' fur life, but I'll do that much fur shore. Cum outer yo'r hole and stand up to me like a man." "Jest about the time he begun to holler my ole woman begun to git outer her clothes and inter mine. " 'What yo' gwine to do?' sez I. " (iwine out to wallop that critter or die.' sez she. " 'But yo' ar' a woman, and he's a powerful lighter.' " 'Zeb White, yo' snuggle down and keep quiet, lie's cum fur a light. lie's bin promised one and lias to hoy it. | As yo' can't light him, I shall, and I'm j a-feelin' that the Lord will put a jawbone inter my hand to slather him.' "It wasn't no use to talk to her. When she got dressed up, she looked like a man, and as she stood in the door that varmint cracked his heels together and crowed like a rooster. I jest had the strength to git to the winder. and I saw all that took place. When the feller had crowed and cracked, he yelled out: " 'Mv forty-eighth victim ar' now befo' me to be chawed. Speak up, Zeb White, and tell me which ear yo'd rather I'd begin on to git up my appetite. Whoop, whoop-eel' " "Ana auoui me ngut; i uskcu, as Zeb was silent for several minutes. "It was full of surprises," he answered. "That varmint was only a blowliard arter all. The ole woman walked around him two or three times and then sailed in. lie hollered at the fust jump and tried to git away, but she wouldn't let him. She scratched, kicked and pulled ha'r, and when she finally let up on him he wouldn't hev looked wuss if half a dozen b'ars had played with him. I've seen a heap of men walloped, but he was the wallopedest man of the hull lot." "And he didn't know it was a woman?" I asked. "Never knowed it till he got home and his own wife examined the claw marks.and the bites. The story got around, and purty soon he had to jest pull up and move away. lie had bin licked by a woman, and it was the wuss lickin' he ever got." "And bow did Mrs. White come out of it?" "She didn't git a scratch, but I've alius bin sorry about it." "For what reason?" "Waal." said Zeb as he turned his face away from me. "befo' that fight she was a mighty humble woman .and left all the bossin' to me. Sence then she's?she's"? "She's not so humble?" "Jest so: jest got the idea that she kin wallop me, same as she did him. and thar ar' days when she's all ready to make a try at it. Spiles a woman to git such noshuns in her head?of co'se it does." And an hour after we got home that evening I overheard her saying to him: "Now, Zeb White, yo' git me up a heap of firewood by the back doah tomorrer or take the consequences, and I'm tellin' yo' that them same conseouences will make vo'r back ache fur a hull mouth to cum." M. QUAD. If the Baby is Cutting Teeth. Be sure and use that old and well tried remedy, Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for children teething. It soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and is the best remedy for diarrhoea. Twenty-five cents a bottle. It is the best of all. ? -+> ^ i Romance In Short. Contemplation; Adoration; (Gallant thinks her great). ' Preparation; *' Decoration; Off to learn his fate. Palpitation, Trepidation On the lover's side. Desperation, Osculation; Now she is his bride! ?Canadian. An Absorbing; Topic. Lady Fisher?Do you ever think about matrimony, dear? Lady Candid?Think, my dear? I worry! Poisoning the System. It is through the bowels that the body is cleansed of impurities. Constipation keeps these poisons in the system, causing headache, dulness and melancholia at ti?>t then un* '* ' --"J r>r?Utr o^rtnno I 6mpilOQ6 UiJU Liuaxij ovi *vi4u j illness uDle83 a remedy is applied. DeWitt'a Little Early Risers prevent this trouble by stimulating the liver and promote eaey, healthy action of t'ae bowels. These little pills do not act violently but by strengthening the bowels enable them to perform their own work. Never gripe or distress. J. E. Kaufmann. All of the State candidates favor the dispensary law. 4 ALLa % SIcVEflS P.iFLES AND PISTOLS 1 "j AHE CUARANTEEO TO BE SAFE, DURABLE AND ACCURATE. *5 ? FA?8RITE RIFLE I 3 is an accurate rifle and puts every shot where you hold it. 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