The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, September 30, 1896, Image 1
I
^THE^ | " ~ 7 ADVERTISING PATES.
BEST ADVERTISING MEDIUM ^ f W~^ |\T IV T T^fCFl A TV^ l-l
? ~>H [ Hh LrbXIINvJ I (JIN UlbrA 1 tn.=~i
_ jB&l. -Ma*. JA. 1 """Af i j to a(jver,i8t, for ^ree, six aui twelv#
RATES REASONABLE. | n:o;lths.
q I - j - " ? ~~ __ Notices in the local coin inn 10 cents per
I SUB3CR1PT^!ERANOTMi VOL. XXVI. LEXINGTON, S. C., SEPTEMBER 30, 189G. NO. 4C>. "
JOR PRIV'TIVC J XPWIIHTV. I c,. m. harmax, alitor.
itmnnnp?m???omi^iwi ic?mne? pitj JL mm ?hu.ct?11?
w \J 1/ I Kill I 1.1 VI 11 U& UVIilU I I I
Hon. B. L Casghman.
A Man in "Whose Prominence All j
Lexington is Proud.
Salr.du Adv? cate,
B. L. Caughman was born iu Lex j
ington County, Aug. 22, 1851 He j
S is a son of Maitin Ciughman and '
Kesiah Wyse, a sister of the late :
Capt Joe Wyse, who served the j
public in old Edgefield county. Mr. |
Ciughmans parents oa both sides ;
were of German descent. When but
a babe his father died, thus leaving !
the rearing and training of ten j I
children, alone, to a widowed mother. |
He spent his boy and young man- I
hood among the old hills of Saluda J
XT a movviA/^ \r lOO r> s Av I
11VC1* XXC UJ^l i 1CU Aixtcfcj X/*
cock, Oct 27, 1875, and in the following
January moved to Edgefield
county, settling at Mt. Willing where
he has lived ever since. ?
Mr. Caughman was raised a
i Luheran. but after moving to EdgeI
field, no Lutheran church being near,
was received by letter iuto the MtthoK
dist church, and has taken an active
P part in all church matters, as is
j? shown by his being a delegate to the
annual Conference at least two or
r ^ |
three times. While a member of the j
[Methodist church he is broad and j
liberal in his views, as an evidence he j
was one of the organizers of the j
Iuterdenominational Sunday School
Convention in Edgefield county, and
has never missed a single Convention. |
As a business man and financier,
he started in life without a dollar, j
comparatively speaking. His only
nrmnrfnnitv nf (-durational advantu
T' L"~ J --
ges was due to his working and
making his way one year to Pine
Ridge Academy, and a part of ano- 1
other to Oak Grove academy, under j
the tutorship of Prof. Schoenberg, |
but has been for twenty years, and
is now, a close student. He pui- I
chased a part of the old Mt. Willing j
\ tract of land, going in debt for 200
acres, which he worked and paid for j
in three years. Then going in debt j 1
for 200 acres more, still addiDg until 2
he worked and paid for about 500 .
acres of land, up to 1887. Ia the I
meantime he never let any church or
charitable institution suffer for want
of help from him, he has always !
t made it a rule never to turn even a 1
tramp away from his door, but en- j
tertained the best he could.
HIS POLITICAL CAREER. <
When a young man he followed J
his elder brother, Capt. A H. Caugh j
man, and many other brave men, in i
eradicating radicalism from LexiDg- | 1
fnn rvmntv. and in 187G he was a j '
member of the Mount Willing Red- ]
skirt company and followed the
gallant Mart Gary iu routing Repub j ;
licanism from the State. He was !
elected to the House of Represents- j
tives from Edgefield county in 1804
on first ballot a3 a Reformer. He
was always found at the post of duty
working for reform and the best interest
of the whole people. He was
an ardent worker for Saluda County, j
both in 18S4 and 1895. He met :
with the Constitutional Convention
and worked both night and day for
ten days until the county was ob- !
tained. He was made Commissioner
of Saluda county by the Convention,
and has ever worked for the best in- ;
terest of the whole people in organiz- ;
? ing our new county. Believing in
white supremacy alone, he was
elected a delegate to the Nat. Bern, j
C >n. in Cuicago iu 1896, and was an :
enthusiastic worker for W. J. Bryan j
as our standard bearer of the Democratic
party of the United States, j
He was elected by a nice majority in :
the primary, with five good men in
the field, thus showing the confi
.
dence the people of Saluda had in |
him. He has been an Allianceman ;
from its introduction into the State, j
though could not enter as a charter
member on account of being en |
gaged in the mercantile business at
the time. He sold to the Alliance i
for twelve months at a smaller per '
cent than any other merchant. At ;
the close of 1890 he came out of the j
mercantile business and identified I
himself with the Alliance aod is now
an ardent worker, and serving as I
president of Mt Willing Alliance
and has never failed to meet since its
^ organization.
Mr Caughman never boasts of ancestry,
but is proud to be called a
commoner and is never ashamed to
be classed with the common people:
one of whom he is and of which he j
is proud.
Snatched From Death.
Cold Water, Ala , Mar. 11, 1802. j
My little child bad the dropsy for j
two years. We had tried various 1
remedies aDd the most prominent
physicians in the country but to no ;
avail. We commenced tbe use of St. ;
Joseph's Liver Regulator aDd she is j
now as healthy as anv child.
T. P. W. BROOCS, M D.
V F..r fu:ther information call on J.
E. Kaufl'manu's drug store and get a
copy of St. Joseph's Four Seasons j
Almanac. 36
re THE PEOPLE
We Extend to Yoi
to Visit On
AND SEE THE MOST (
ITS THE !
CLOT!
The coming week we will offer scm
00 Men's Cassimere Suits at $2.90, wori
00 Men's Cassimere Suits at ?3.90, wor
|.')0 MeD's Cassimere Suits, all wool, at fj
MIMNAUGH'S I
2ITFTPUFRTVV M Oil AT)
JJL1 U X VXi.Xi . a/ x in v-/ ,
How Mr. Pcritlus Did It. '
He was a young man about 25 years '
>f age, and he wore a broad brim hat,
iong hair and buckskin loggings. In his
aelt he had two guns and a knife, and
From the buttonholes of his vest dangled 1
bear claws. He stood thus on the platForm
as the train rolled in, and he was
showing oil at a great rate when one cf
the passengers walked up to him with
pencil and notebook in hand and said:
"Isame, please."
"My name? I am called Sioux Bill,
sir."
"Sicux Bill, eh? Didn't know but
what it was Baly Bill or Sweet William.
Occupatiou, if you please."
"Indian fighter, sir."
"Oh, ohl I wouldn't have believed
it. Thought you run a greenhouse or a
dairy. What's your object in wearing
such clothes ai\d carrying those guns?"
"Who in are you?" demanded
the awful Indian fighter as he turned
on the other.
"Perkins?Mistah Perkins," was the
reply.
"And what do you want of me?"
"Just to look you over. Let's see!
Sinn* Bill. Indian lighter, guns and
bear claws and leggings. Does not run
a greenhouse cr dairy. Uiu! Urn! Have
you ever fired a pistol, sir?''
"W-what?" shouted the other.
"Never fool with a pistol/' said Mr. i
Perkins. "Lets of people have betn
hurt that way. Do you wish to sell
those bear claws? If so, I will buy
them for my baby brotlnr. Those leg- j
gings might come in handy when I go
hunting for frogs. My dear fellow, how
much for the whole outfit?"
"You?yon blamtd fishworm! But
do you know hew near death you are?" j
howled Sioux Bill as he danced around.
"Don't?don't do it," replied Mr.
Perkins. "It's bad for the health.
There, now, sit down on this truck and
calm yourself. That's the way. There's
a lot of passengers admiring you, and
you have an excellent pose. Keep it up.
I knew the sort of a man you were at a
glance, but I won't give you away.
Dangle the bear claws and hitch your
gun around. That's it?that's the style.
I'll see ycu later when I've had a bite
to cat. Ta ta, William! De-n't disturb
the pose."
But William did. He got xtp and vanished
down the platform, and as the
train pulled out we saw hint hiding between
two salt barrels.
It Was It is brother Sam.
^ -1 -- ? ~ nfi.ituivml PillllO
VUC UiJJ J* miiu mi.uinn,. --
along to cur camp at Cedar Bend, and "
after looking around for awhile he said
to Jim Taylor, who was then the recognized
boss of the camp:
"I suppose you hang a man here now
and then?"
"Oh, certainly," replied Jim. "Vis,
we take pleasure in hangin a man at
intervals."
"You hung one about the middle of
last June, I believe?"
"Let's see. Middle cf last June? Yes,
sir, we hung a critter at that time. I
had the honor of kiekin the uarT out
from undi r him myself. Was he a |
friend of yours?"
"Mehbe he was. Did he resemble me
in looks:"
"Waul, now, ccine t<? lake a straight
squint at you, I should say ho did. Ho
had your eyes and hair, and I should say
his nose was a brother to yours. 1 don't
want to press things, Lut if he was a relashun
of yours you needn't feel at all
delikit about,savin so."
"Did he give his lirst name as Sam?"
"Yes, he did."
"And the last nauie as Baker?"
"That's it. I've got it writ down on
n took in ruy shanty."
F
OF LG\ll(i I Oil:
I!
an Invitation
r Stores.
COMPLETE EKNE U* ^
i
? i
1 GOODS
SOUTH.
IIN6.
e big values in Fine Clothing.
th 85 00. I
th $7 00. 3(
55 00. worth 88.00 and 80.00. I G(
COLUMBIA. S.
WF V M VF V H wmm mwj ?
"Then he "was a brother of mine?my ' rr
mly brother," said the stranger in a , -L
roice which shook a little. "Would it j
be agin custom to ask what you hung h<
him for?" |
"Oh, no, no! He picked up a'back i
load of property belongin to one of the '
boys and was makin off when we cotch- Jl
Bd him."
"Give him a trial?"
"Fur sure."
"Did he say much?"
"Not very much. Jest observed he
was might v glad he was goin to git shet ff
of this keutry." J ^
"And he died happy?" | cc
"Reasonably so, stranger?reasonably *c
happy. Yes, wc all remarked that he
seemed to look upon it as a change fur 9^
the Letter and that he fc-lt. tolerable 3l
sartin of reacliin a climate whar it
wouldn't make any difference if he **
went outdoors some morniii and forgot u
his overcoat. So it was ycur brother?"
"Yes." i 0
"Kin I say anythin to comfort you, ^
stranger?" I ^
"N-o, I don't know as you kin." slow- ' u
ly replied the man. "I was jest pass in ?
on my way to White Hill, and I thought , ^
I'd stop and see if it really was Sam. I
might take a drink if ycu hev a bottle
handy."
"Sartinly. Heresheis. Don't stint
yerself."
"Thanks; (hat's good. Aud in the;
midst of life we are iu death. Kinder j
sorry you hung ?am, but I reckon it had j
to be, and you can say to the boys that \
I ain't kickin. I take the road to the j
left, don't I? Waal, so long."
M. Quad.
It is not uusuul for druggists to
recommend Chamberlain's Cough
Itemedy to their customers. Many
of them have used it themselves, or j ^
in their families and know from 1
personal experience its great value i
in the treatment of coughs, colds j 1
t
and croup. They know too that their | '
customers are their best friends and ! <
naturally wish to give them the most
reliable medicine they have for those ,
ailmeuis. Messrs. Daugberty Bros., j :
prominent druggists of Indiana, Pa., , .
say, "We sell more of Chamberlain's ' ;
Cough Kemedy than of any other ! :
cough syrup, and always take pleas- j '
ure in recommending it to our cusomers."'
Mr. II. M Urey, the popu- !
lar druggist at Fredonia, Pa., who has
sold Chamberlain's Cough Remedy
o /
for several years, says: k I can truly j
say that, it is the best cough medi i
ciue in the market."
For sale at 25 and 50 cents per bottle
by
J. E. Kaughman, Lexington
F. W. Oswalt, Barre's
Oswalt ?& Son, Irene
^
Not Worth Any More.
"A baby was sold in New Jersey the I
Other day for GO cents."
"Wt>lL l minnose the uiosouitos had
been gnawing 011 it all suminor.?Chi- 1
( ago Record.
A Vernatile Man Wanted.
Iii u .Sydney newspaper lately there
was this advertisement: "Wanted?A
man able to teach French and the piano
and to look after the bull. "?Tit-Bits.
j
Would Tell Hiui Later.
First. Boy (fo second boy, who has I
j j t
been iishing)?Catch anything?
Second Boy?I haven't been home
yet.?Baltimore Life.
ALL C
\ 5 f. Vv> \
\
CLOU
111 the finest makes brought to this cc
)0 Knee Pants Suits, 81 48, worth 83
)0 Knee Pants, the 50 cents kind, at '2
C.
'HE ARIZONA KICKER
OW THli EDITOR STANDS ON THE |
JSSUES OF THE DAY.
I
m R'! eeler'u Call a Failure?A Warning j
to Major Hanks?The Editor Held Up, i
but Willing to Admit It ?Had a Good j
Thing, but Didn't Know It.
I
The mayor of this town (who is onr- j
If) was sitting in his office in the city i
all last Tuesday afternoon when a [
iwboy named Jim Wheeler att< mptcd \
) ride his cayuse up the main stairway !
) make an official call. Jim had a bet i
f $23 that he would ride in on us and j
imp his critter over our desk, but he j
>st the wager. Hearing the racket on j
le stairs we sailed out, and two mill- j
tes later Mr. Wheeler and his cayiv-c
'ere tangled up iu a heap in the middle
f the street. He shot at us three times j
uring the performance, but no cue was j
it by the bullets. The horse was able j
3 limp away, but the man from Big :i j
Lanch still lingers in town under the
octor's care. His jaw and two hds j
BEGAN SHOOTING THE 1 IN DISHES. j
vere broken and be was badly bruised, j
iut we are glad to learn that he was
lot fatally injured. His honor the j
uayor is a good natured man and docs
jot aflect any particular dignity, but
:he man who wants to see him on official
business at his office must leave his
;ayuse in the street below.
About tho Campaign.
The Kicker is in receipt of a number |
af communications asking about its pol- j
icy in the coming campaign, and we
will answer all in one. This paper is
independent in politics, religion, poetry, j
agriculture and everything else. No i
railroad corporation dictates, and no j
syndicate pays its bills. If we wanted
to weave a crown of laurels for Captain
Kidd or pitch into the memory of
* * 1 ? ? 1,1
George Washington, no ouismcj. wumu
have to bo consulted.
In supporting one candidate wo shall
not pitch into another. In this world
of change no man can tell who is coming
out on top, and if it happens to be
the man you've pitched into your position
is made somewhat embarrassing
for several years subsequent.
We have no decided opinions regarding
silver or the tariff, but we do stand
pat on the question of the Monroe doctrine.
If necessary, let us go to war to
support it, but during the continuance
of said war wc shall be found at the old
stand, as heretofore.
The campaign speaker who strikes
this town and starts in to lie about any
of the candidates will have to leave the
hall by a back window and got under
cover of the woods live minutes lattr.
? - - 1,.,-,, truth titifl poker
-fiS it JJ'. i j;ic >?<.: A
aud insist 011 a square deal.
A Word to Major Hank*.
For the last month .Major Banks of
this town lias be< 11 in the habit of mining
into the posioflice several times a
day and tiring a pistol through the general
delivery window to attract the attention
of the clerk who serves the public.
While nobody lias been shot and
the noise amounts to nothing, sueli actions
serve to lessen the ditruitv which
r~- v\
mi
mntry. See our line before you buj".
00.
15 cent?.
Mil
should surround a postollicc, and we
now warn the major that he must le t
up. If he persists in his course, we shall
esteem it our duty and privilege to return
the lire and lay him up for a few
weeks. If he wants to shoot at us while
on the street, we have no objections;
but, as the regular appointed postmaster,
sitting in our private room in the
postoffice, we demand respectful consid
oration from the public. Any doctor
around town will tell Major Banks that
a bullet in the shoulder will keep him
thinking for sove/al successive nights. |
Wo Lay Down,
Our esteemed contemporary down the
street is out with a two column sensation
regarding the little affair at the '
bank last Tuesday, and he lies in the
most shameful and bold faced manner, j
as usual. The facts in the case are as j
follows: We had just left the bank, i
after making a deposit of $200. As we !
reached the sidewalk a stranger, who i
had been loaning against a telegraph
pole, stepped forward and thrust the j
muzzle of a gun within a foot of our
nose and ordered us to throw up our i
hands. Up they went. Under the circumstance:
we were ready to throw up
our hat. shoes, wallet and everything
else we held dear on earth. The man !
gave us his private opinion of the editor
of The Kicker (who is ourself), of the
mayor (who is ourself), and the post- j
master (who is ourself), and his lan- j
guage was emphatic and to the point, i
We hud little or nothing to say. We
might have died the death of a hero,
but we preferred to remain on earth. A
large crowd assembled and witnessed
our humiliation, but we remained passive
and placid. When the cuss had had
all the fun he wanted, he walked off.
</? nifi ivr. Wo eot our suns its soon as
possible and looked for liim, but he
could not be found. There isn't the
slightest question about our "laying
down" before that stranger. We think
we know when we have a good tiling.
It was a good thing to "lay down" just
then, and we entf red into it with a great !
dial of enthusiasm. Things may be different
some day, but just at present we
have very littl-r to say and would like
to avoid the suoject altogether.
He Was a Failure.
A man who gave his name as Thomas
Dayton registered at the Hotel Royal
last Wednesday and entered the dining
| room for dinner. He first made a kick
| because there was no cloth on the table,
I and next because the waiter couldn't
I furnish him with a napkin. Then he
! wanted a coffee cup with a handle to it
and socp in a bowl, and when given a
knife without a handle he jumped up
and began shooting the tin dishes full
of holes. His fun was speedily interI
ruptoil, however, and he wji< put out o.
I the hotel and later on arreste d and fined
j $20. The Royal hot* 1 is not a rival of
i the Palmer house in Chicago or the Im|
perial in New York. It is just a plain,
! everyday In tel, fiti 1 of ox-kroaciics nnt:
! mutton stew and the odor of <orn beef
I and cabbage. Tablecloths and napkins
i and crockery arc all right in their way
and will reach us some day, but until
they do it won't do any good to kick.
When a man can sit down with his hut
i on and eat his till for 50 cents and throw
dishes at the waiter and cuss the land|
lord as he pays his bill, he has got a
good thing and ought to be satisfied
j with it. M. Qiad.
Bucklen's Arnica Salve.
The l>est Salve in the world for
Cuts, Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt
I Iilieu rn, Fever Sores, Tetter, Chapped
Hands, Chilblains, Corns, and Skin
Eruptions, and positively cures Piles
or no pay required. It is guaranteed
| to give perfect satisfaction or money
j refunded. Price 25 cents per box.
For sale at J. K. Kaultnian's.
THIS WEEK WE WILE OF FEE SI
dress aoons,
.JliEEt.VER *
V.iRPi
Rk
10 Bales of Plaid Homepun 3c.
10 Bales Yellow Homespun, 3ic.
40 Pieces double width Cashmeres 40 i
Fine quality Dress Goods, single widtl
See oui
Never in the history of the dry goods I
power ti]
500 pairs Ladies* Fine Shoes, 75c.
300 pairs Ladies' Fine Shos, $100.
Goods woith $1.75 and $2 now $1.50
All the best makes of Shoes
CLOT!
TO TIIE WHOLE:
Visit our stores wlien you come tc
war!WXT FOliGET TJ
HUGH'S COL
JtaMOHMII ? WWWWW?PWWMB
Day Unt: Day
Uttereth speech concerning the
good being done by Hood's Sarsapai
ilia. By the cures it is accomplishing,
by the good health restored to
men, women, children, Hood's Sarsaparilia
wins its way more and more
into the confidence of the people.
Its army of friends tell of scrofulous
aud impure blood made rich and
pure, of the relief it gives from the
i:chingand burning, of the satisfaction
at meals experienced by the
former dyspeptic, of the happiness J
of those cured of malaria, rheuma- j
tism, and catarrh, of excellent spirits
and good appetite enjoyed by those
recently weak, tired and run down
it is by such results as these that
Hood's Snrsaparilla makes its, hosts |
*
of friends and does its owu most effective
adveitUing.
Its record of cures and the good j
it has done others arc sufficient to I
warrant your giving thi.3 excellent !
medicine a trial.
I
Just Like & Woman.
"Major, if you don't punish that boy,
I will!"
The words fell sternly from the lips j
of Mrs. Domn, who was ruefully stir- j
veying the wreck of her best reading
lamp.
"bob," said the major severely,
"come here! Maria, have the room!"
Mrs. Domn went into the dining room ;
and shut the door to keep out the horrid
sounds.
"Whack, whack, whack!" from the
major.
"Wow! Oh, wow! I won't do it
again!" from the hoy.
"Whack, whack, whack! Now, will i
you break lamp shades, you young whelp j
of sataii?"
"No-o! No-o!" sobbed Bobby.
"Whack, whack, whack!"
Mrs. Demo's ire by this time was
quite evaporated.
Again that dreadful slipper fell, and i
again the air was rent with the yells of j
tortured innocence.
"Oh, major, stop!"
"Not by a jugful. We're having a i
splendid time in here. Whack, whack,
whack!"
Mrs. Domo could stand it no longer.
"Stop it, you big brute!" she exclaimed,
rushing into the apartment.
Then she grew madder than ever.
There, on his hands and j:wcs, was me
iuaj<!r, galloping around on tho carper,
while Bobby was larruping a slipper
and giving v< nt to terrified cries cf woe.
?Chicago Dispatch.
Cure or Headache.
As a remedy for all forms of Head- I
ache Electric Hitters has proved to I
be the very best. It effects a perma- I
, went cure and the most dreaded ,
habitual sick headaches yield to its !
influence." We urge all who are |
afflicted to procure a bottle, and give
tbis remedy a fair trial. In cases of
habitual constipation Electric Bitters
cures by giving the needed tone to
i the bowels, and few case long resist
the use of this medicine. Try it
once. Large bottles only Fifty cents
at J. E. Kaufmaun's.
L'KCIAL INDUCEMENTS IX FINE
I:TS,
L.l.VKllTS,
U O*11ES TICS, l> TC.
20 pieces of Jeans, 0 cents per yards
Our All Wool Jeans at 20 cents.
inches wide, worth 35c. now 15c.
b, i) cents.
line of Silks, 40, 50, GO and 75 cents,
business had a dollar more purchasing
tan new.
500 pairs 31en s Uress rinoes :n>c.
500 pairs Men's Dress Shoes $1 25.
300 pairs Men's Dress Shoes $1.50
worth $2.00.
at $3 00, $1 00 ami $5.00.
\
KING.
SALE TRADE:
Columbia. We can save you money.
IE PLACE.
UMBIA, S, C.
Worst Kind of a Case.
"You look thin and careworn, Tadley,"
said the man in the russet shoes.
"Insomnia," replied Tadley, with a
groan.
"Insomnia?" repeated the man in the
russet shoes. "Oh, come now, u man
with no more than yon have to worry
him doesn't get insomnia."
"It is the baby that's got it," explained
Tadley as he stepped off the ferryboat
and resumed his struggle with life.
?New York World.
Loam of Spirits.
"Yes," observed the medium sadly,
"I am very low spirited. In fact"?
U..? f.,?o foil "
11L1 IMVV/ iV??
?"we've had nothing but ordinary
actors and senators all the evening."
It was evident that 210 first class
seance could make a hit without at least
Alary, queen of .Sect0. ? New York
Press.
Family Pride.
"Johnnie, is your brother back at
college," asked the girl who is deeply
interested in the subject "f her inquiry.
"Naw, he's quarter back," proudly
answered the youngster.?Detroit Free
Press.
Her View of It.
Mrs. Lake Front?Doctors say it is
an extremely risky thing to hold nickels
or dimes between your lips.
Mrs. Wabash?Yes, I see. You might
swallow them.?Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Intellectual Pursuits.
"Did you keep up any club work
while you were away, Mrs. Golightly?"
"Indeed we did. We played progressive
euchre right along."?Chicago
Record.
Wherever You May Be.
"Are many of the Four Hundred
here?"
"Oh, yes. Thousands of them."?
Truth.
Poster Girl's Defense.
It was an artless poster girl pinned up against i
my wall,
febo was tremendous ug!}- and she was exceed- |
ing tall.
I was gazing at her idly, and I think I must
have slept,
......mnirir'Ti lifted uu her !>oster
r UI lii.lt (??okV4 ........ ,
' voice anil wept.
the said between her poster sobs: "I think it's
rather rough
To be jeered and floored and flouted, and I've
stood it long enough.
I'm tired of being quoted as a fright and fad j
and freak.
And I take this opportunity my poster mind
to speak.
"Although my hair is carmine and my nose is j
edged with blue.
Although my style is splashy and my shade i
effects are few.
Although I'm out of drawing and my back j
hair is a show,
Yet I haven't half the whimsies of the maid- |
cms that you know.
"I never keep you waiting while I prink before
the glass,
j 1 never talk such twaddle" as that little Dawson
lass,
I I never paint on china, nor erotic novels write, j
And I never have recited 'Curfew ilust Not j
Iling Tonight.'
"I don't rave over Ibsen. I never, never flirt,
I uevt r wear a shirt waist with a disconnected >
skirt.
I never speak in public on 'The Suffrage' or |
'The Kace,'
I never talk while playing whist or trump niy ;
partner's ace."
I said: "Oh, artless poster girl, you're 111 the i
right of it.
[ You are a joy forever, though a thing of beau- i
ty, nit!"
And from her madder eyebrows to her utmost
purple swirl.
[ Against all captious critics I'll defend the 1
poster girl.
?New York Sunday World. |
,
Great sales prove great merit of
| Hood's Sarsaparilla. ami great merit 1
I enables it to accomplish wonderful j
' cures.
U pov*V\iMit3
EiftVaf
POWDER
Absolutely Pure*
A creaiu of tartar !>.ikin? i owder. Higuest
ot i*. 11 in Uuvenine s*r.n^:h. -Latest
United Suites <T.)Veruc:ent Food lteporf.
Royal Faking PowjkkCo , New York.
The Discovery Saved His
Life.
Mr. G. Caillouette, Druggist, Eea
versville, 111., says: ^To Dr. King's
New Discovery I owe my life. Was
taken with La Grippe and tried all
the physicians for miles about, but
of no avail and was given up and
told I could not live. Having Dr.
King's New Discovery in my store I
sent for a bottle and began its use
and from the first dose began to get
better, and after using three bottles
was up and about again. It is worth
its weight in gold. We won't keep
store or house without it." Get a
free trial at J. E. Kaufmann's Drug
Store.
A MILK TICKET COURTSHIP.
Blnfferty Wan Tired of Continued Perform*
anci'M and Wanted ? Reform.
"Step into the library a minute,"
said Blufferty to yonug Nincomnoodle
sli he was admitted by the maid. The
old gentleman slammed the door and
cut loose.
"You call on my (laughter, sir?"
"I have that pleasure occasionally. "
"Occasionally? Thunder and Mar?!
Young man, what would be your idea
of calling frequently? You'ro here seven
nights in the week, to say nothing of
three or four matinees. This continuous
performance business has got to hi
stopped."
"Do?does Marcia object?"
"Miss Blufferty does not object, sir.
Mrs. Blufferty does not object. They
would like to give you the front room,
board vou. adopt you, make a favorite
son of you, but I object, Mr. Niucomnoodle,
and my objections arc always
sustained in this household."
"You won't forbid me coming at all,
Mr. BlnfTcrty?"
"Not at present, sir, but I am going
to give you an occasional day and evening
off. We can't any of us stand this astonishing
constancy. You see this little
card I hold in my hand?"
"Yes, sir."
"Notice that it s numuerea irom 1 to
17? Same principle as a milk ticket" ^ J
"Yes, sir."
"That's got to do a month, sir. Every
time you call, the maid will punch
out a number. When the ticket is used
up, you can't get in here till the next
month. And I'll be ease keeper myself,
young man. Any bogus tickets, bribing
the maid, meeting on the sly or trying
in any other way to brace the gamo
aeainst lie means that you will bo
kjckt.fl out bodily aj.d kept cut. I'll
give you a benefit this afternoon, but
the ticki t system gees iuto operation at
sundown."?New York Sunday World.
He Wanted the Earth.
Stanley and lit nry, two 4-yeer-olds,
gazed with wide f;pcn eyes at a Knights
of Pythias funeral the other day. The
uniforms made a strong impression upon
their youthful minds, and the band,
playing a funeral march, a stronger one
still. After the parade had passed on t
they resumed their play.
"Let's play fconeral," said Stanley.
" Ail " nc>r>nfcd Henrr. "I'll
dwivo de touch."
"No, 1 11 dwivo," asserted Stanley.
"Den I'll be de band."
"No, I'll be de baud."
"Tail I be de dead man, den?"
"2%o, you tan't. I'm doiu to be dead
man," insisted Stanley.
"You want to be de whole fooueraL I
won't play," and away he went in indignation.?Detroit
News.
What Jack Hubbard Did.
Little Jack Hubbard went to the cupboard
and "swiped" thence a big custard
of pie. His mother had said beforo
going to bed, "I can make pie crust
short when I try."
nw.minn fnmft WTlTvl. MrS. H.
?t ju ii u:wiuiii^ vumjv - ,
quickly iound that Jack liad been there
on the sly, and instead of short crust, to
her utmost disgust, she was short of the
whole bloomin pie.?New York World.
A Suspicion.
"I wonder why so many telephone
operators are women?" said the man
who cultivates an idle curiosity.
"I don't know," replied the misanthrope,
"unless it's because the occupation
puts them in a position to have.the
last word every time."?Washington
iStar.
K<ni<>tc Period.
"Papa," asked the little boy, "what
is a 'remote p< riod:' "
"It is the period that is due at the
end of your mother's remarks," said
Mr. Grey mail". "It is all tin; way from
two to four hours remote."?Cincinnati
Enquirer.
An Honorable Ilscape*
- * 1 Vt 1 --o
She?Why Out you quarrel wun iier.ih?Oil,
just to be gentlemanly. I
wanted to break the engagement no I
could marry another girl. I had to do
something so as to have a gentlemanly
excuse.?Truth.
It you smoke or chew try tlio line
brands of cigars and tobacco, at the
Bazaar.
/
m I