PE NATIONS!. BANK OF AUGUSTA
U.C. HAYNB, Proo't P. vi. F OBJ), Cashier.
Capital, $250,000.
Snrplusand ) <M OC QOA
UndiTided I'roflts | S> I tJ,UUU
Facilities of oar magnificent Kew Vault
joontatninc 410 t-af o ty-Lock Boxes. Differ
ent Sizes are off or od to our patrons and
Ute pabilo at 93.00 to $10.0?j?er annum.
VOL. LXVIII.
EDGEFIELD, S. C.. WEDNESDAY. FEBRUARY ll. UM
NO. 7.
THE DEATH OF
The melanchoh- di
The sadest'of t
Of wailing winds,
And meadows
Eeapeu in the hoi
The autumn le
They ru nie to the ?
And to the rabi
The robin and the
And from the 8
x And from the woo?
Through aU th
Whore are the flowers, the fair youni
In brighter light, and softer airs, a I
Alas ! they are all In thtdr graves, tl
Arc lying in their lowly beds, with li
The ram is falling where they lie, ts
Calls not from out the gloomy earth
The wind-flower and the violet, they
And the.brier-rose and the orchids d
But on the hill the-golden-rod, and" tl
And the yellow sunflower by the bro<
Till the frost from the clear cold hea
And th* brightness of their smile was
And now, when comes the calm mild
To call the squirrel and the bee.from
Wheu t ho sound of dropping nuts ii 1
And twinkle in the smoky light the vi
The south wi^d searches for the flow
And sighs to find them in the wood a
And tht>n I think of one who in her y
The fair meek blossom that grr*T up
Ia th-i coll, moist ear**' we laid her, y
An I we wept that or o so lovely shou'
Yot not unmeat il was that one, like t
80 gentle and so beautiful, should pe
t WON BY
By T. B<
"G cod-by, "dearest ! "
"""Good-byT** ? ;
For the twentieth time Mark Jermyn
uttered the words of farewell, and for
the twentieth tiree the girl responded,
but, realizing that the parting was not
an ordinary one, they were loth to part
even then. Years hence they might
meet again; perhaps never!
"And, dearest, you'll remember, if
the recoiled ion of me ever stands in
your light, you're to forget I existed.
Premise me that!"
The girl looked into the earnest face
bending, over her, into the depths of
the grave, brown eyes.
"I cannot," she said softly. "More
over, is it necessary? Is it what you
would do were you in my place?"
Her logic was unanswerable, and he
I sighed.
"If you were the only child of some
body next door to a millionaire," she
I went-on, "and your-father forbade youl
to- marry anyone who was not wealthy |
: while you really loved one
church mouse, would you gb
out a struggle? Of course yoi
Mark. You'd wait, and
hope!"
"But waiting doesn't alv>
wealth," broke in Jermyn, '
in the musical profession.
my.father^y-er^estjne me I
er?" he aTR?vTTDrrreriS
Because it's what you'd
for," Elsie Renton replieer^-'MBrar*
dear, you're going to be a great man."
^~He waived away her words with a
smile and another kiss.
"You flatter me, sweetheart," he
- said, "although it's true my father
was far from being a mediocrity. He
changed his name on marriage, and
died when I was only five years old.
But his existence really ended, so far
as the world was concerned, when he
forsook his old name, for he never
composed a single thing .after."
s "How strange!" remarked the girl,
wonderingly. "And what a terrible ex
ample to you, dearest."
"You may think so. Of course, I
?was too young to know much then,
and never heard how it all happened,
for my mother soon followed my
father."
"And his name before was-?"
"Wegar-Mark Wegar-one of the
foremost composers of his time!"
* * * . * * . ..
A couple of years later Mark Jer
myn was in London. It seemed much
longer since he had parted from Elsie
Renton in Paris, where they had been
fellow students at the Conservatoire;
she, for the sake of finishing a musical
education, he because he had his fu
ture living to consider.
In Paris the girl had been free from
the hidebound conventionalities of
home, and her doting parents would
doubtless have been horrified had they
known she had dared to regard some
one with affection. The two had part
ed; he to work for a name and she to
enter society.
And now he was in London, his fame
having preceded him, and Mark Jer
myn, the celebrated pianist, was an
nounced to make his debut before the
most critical audience in the world.
Success had not spoilt him, and he
remained the same modest man that
had held Elsie's hand in his two years
since; deeply, madly, in love with her
still. Several times she had written
to him, and with her last letter in his
pocket as a talisman, he faced the
eager crowd that evening.
The perfecmance was a success.
Mark Jermyn's reputation was more
than upheld and he quickly became
the lion of the hour. Invitations from
the highest in the land literally show
ered upon him, so numerous, that they
would have taken years to respond to
all, one of the earliest coming from
the Rentons offering a princely fee for
a short recital at a forthcoming- "At
Home." " To this Jermyn stiffly replied
that he only accepted social engage
ments. ' An answer soon came alter
ing the tone of the invitation; and. a
day or two later, he found himself
about to meet his-loved one once more.
The plac.e was already thronged with
guests ?rhen he arrived, but Elsie was
the--first to greet hini, and as he took
her hand he would have knelt dowL
there and then and kissed it, had not
decorum forbade. She welcomed him
gayly, and he felt all at once the hap
piest of mortals, for a single look
served to tell him .he held her heart
.stilly $ .-r-? u4 - ;.; ..
"I'm hostess for the moment," sh?
observed. "Let me take you tc
mother."
He followed her, and a little latei
was being introduced to Mrs. Renton
"Mr. Jermyn, mother!"
The stately lady addressed, lookei
up, and as she saw his handsome
clear-cut features, started!.
"Mr. Jermyn?-ah, yes, of course
Your appearance seems fa?f'liar. Bu
THE FLOWERS,
173 ?re come,
he year,
and naked woods,
brown and sere,
lows of the grove,
aves lie dead;
eddying gust,
bit's tread;
wren are flown,
hrubs the jay,
1-top calls the crow
e gloomy day.
; flowers, that Intely spring and stood
eauteous sisterhood ?
ie gentle raoe of flowers
e fair and good of ours.
i the cold November rain .
?he lovely ones again.
perished long ago,
led amid the summer glow;
he aster in the wood;
3k in autumn beauty stood,
rea, as falls the plague on men,
i gone from upland, glade and glen.
day, as still such days will como,
out their winter home;
heard, though all the trees are still, -
raters of thc? rill,
era whose fragrance late he bore,
nd by the stream no more.
outhful beauty died,
and faded by my side.
?vhen the forests cast the lent,
ld have a life so brief;
hat young friend of ours,
xish with the flowers.
-William Cullen Bryant.
A TUNE, t
3NSALL.
then, aren't your photographs all over
London?" she asked.
Mark bowed, but guessed by her
tone that she had never seen his por
trait.
He sauntered aimlessly about, con
versing first with one and another, till
at length he found himself addressing
the host himself. And Jermyn was
agreeably surprised; Elsie's father was
not nearly so formidable as he had
pictured him to be; on the contrary,
bis attitude toward the young lion of
the season was courtesy and geniality
itself.
"Ah! my daughter tells me she met
you in Paris," he remarked. "One of
the first to discover your genius, I be
lieve? Elsie's a dear girl, my dear
sir!"
"She is" assented Mark, earnestly.
"Always a dutiful girl, and a prize
worth the winning," continued Mr.
Renton, briskly. "It's a pity we're to
l?se her so soon-but there! the men.
"En gage cr,-my -dear-sir,-engagea.- .
And to be married shortly. My wife's
a wonderful woman; she's arranged lt
all!"
Mark's first impulse was to flee, but
he resolved to learn the truth from
Elsie's lips first. At last he caught
her glance, following her into a small
an.e-room leading from one of the
principal apartments. When the door
closed, he took her hand, and looked
into her eyes.
"Elsie," he asked. "Is it true?"
She avoided his gaze.
"Is what true?" she murmured.
"That you're engaged to Lord Maple
son?"
Her eyes filled with tears and she
turned toward him passionately.
"No!" she said vehemently. "He's
asked me frequently, but Yve always
refused. But mamma insists, and the
rumor we're engaged is about already.
Oh, Mark! * Mark?"-With an out
stretching of her arms that was irre
sistible; "what's to be done?"
He took her Into his arms.
"You lore me, what is to prevent
our happiness?"
"Mother-she insists. Father, I
know, would rather I married a man
of my choice."
"And I insist on you marrying me!"
he cried earnestly. "That is, if you're
willing to become the wife of a non
entity?"
She looked up quickly.
"Who is the nonentity?" she asked.
"You, the clever artist or"-with a I
gesture of disdain-"Lord Mapleson?"
"Then, darling," he cried, "if your
mother will not consent, it must be a
runaway match. You're sure you
don't mind intrusting your happiness
to me?"
"No, indeed, Mark, no!" I love you,
oh! heaps more than I did two years
ago, and that's something, isn't it?"
He admitted that it was, and kissed
her, when someone calling Elsie, she
had to leave. Mark strolled back to
the drawing room with a lighter heart.
Someone was asking Mr. Renton
whether Jermyn was to play; the host
shrugged his shoulders, but the musi
cian at once interrupted with the re
mark he should only be too delighted.
A move was made to the piano, while
all voices were hushed as it became
known that the great Jermyn was at
the instrument. He ran through sev
eral of his better known things in
succession,' playing as he had never
played before, his audience spellbound
and enraptured. The applause at his
conclusion, unlike most drawing-room
applause, was for once sincere.
Mr. Renton was profuse in his
thanks, and then his less genial wife
inquired as a special favor, whether
he would give them a novelty.
"A novelty?" repeated Mark, anx
ious to please his prospective parent.
.'Ah, yes! I had almost.forgotten. To
day's the t./enty-second, isn't it?
There is one thing I only play once a
year, and always on the. twenty-sec
ond of this month."
The last notes of the song were grad
ually dying away, when all at once
there was a tense scream from a dis
tant corner of the room.
All turned and saw that Mrs. Ren
ton had fainted.
A few days later Mark Jermyn call
ed to inquire after Mrs. Renton, whom
it was understood was seriously 111.
The young fellow was at once shown
into Mr. Renton's study, whert the
millionaire greeted him cordially.
"My dear Mr. Jermyn," he said,
"you're the very man I wish to see!
You remember the effect your wonder
ful playing produced cn my wife the
other evening?"
"Unfortunately," responded the fa
mous musician. "Believe me, I'm ex
ceedingly sorry."
"It's not your fault, my boy," he
answered kindly. "The event has
brought something to light which I
hope may mean your happiness. I
have learned that my daughter loves
you."
"Yes," responded Mark, quietly.
"And I love her too."
"Just so, just so! What I was going
to ray was this; my wife, it appears,
was once engaged to your father."
Mark Jermyn looked up in astonish
ment.
"Yes," continued Mr. Renton, "and
from what I can hear-of course, this
is in confidence between you and me
-it-broke Mark Wegar's heart. My
wife jilted him for myself, and it
seems that, out of pity, he afterward
married a cousin whom he discovered
had been in love with him for years.
The air you played the other evening
was one of Wegar's compsitions, was
it not?"
"Yes," replied Mark. "My father
left me the manuscripts, with the in
junction it was only to be played on
the twenty-second of November in
each year-the anniversary of what I
could never make out."
"Ah! my wife recognized the theme;
it was the old love song he used to
play to her and of which she had
been so fond. Thc date you mention
was the one on which she broke off
the en gage m eh t. Old memories came
back to her, and-and-"
"Say no more, sir, it's a painful sub
ject."
"To be sure, to be sure! My wife
wishes me to tell you that, although
she broke your father's heart, she has
no wish to break either yours or her
daughter's. We are both willing you
should marry Elsie."
Someone opened the door just then,
and Elsie Renton, seeing Mark, threw
herself into his arms."-New . York
News.
G?AINT AND CURIOUS.
To settle once for all the frequent j
disputes with customers regarding
the varying size cf eggs, Stockholm
merchants propose to effect all future i
sales on i he basis of actual weight in- ?
stead of by the score.
Japan's lacest curiosity is a baby
boy, who at the age of ten months
weighs-near four stone, and is over !
what"they warlandTleavc' the money
for them.
Dutch fishermen make astonishing
ca? ches by means of a very simple ex
pedient. They put a number of live
worms and insects into a bottle part
ly filled with water, which is then se
curely corked. The bottle is dropped
into the water, and the fisherman
sinks his line alongside. It appears
that thc wriggling contents of the bot
tle so tempt the fish that they fall
eas/ victims to the baited hooks.
At Beaverton, in northern Ontario,
a beat machine is in operation con
sisting of a press, dryer and spreader
-a most ingenious machine-for it
cuts, pulverizes and spreads the ma
terial at the same time. This reduces
tue moisture 50 percent, and the bal
ance is taken out by the drying proc
ess. The plant has a capacity of 20
tons a day, and the demand for the
hie] is such that it brings $3.25 a ton
at the plant and is retailed at Toron
to at $4.25.
Miniature watches for the corsage
and wrist are common enough, but it j
has been left for a western genius,
says the Chicago Inter Ocean, to pro
duce a finger ring timepiece, and that
of the alarm order. A piece of mech
anism so tiny, of course, could not
contain an alarm bell, but a needlo
that would give a very perceptible
puncture was possible. Now, all that
the man or woman who wishes to rise
at a certain lime has to do is to set
the alarm, adjust the ring and lapse
into forgetfulness. At the appointed
hour the faithful little warder pierces
the finger with just enough emphasis
to rouse the sleeper.
Lentils Good Food.
Notwithstanding the fact that len
tils are recognized by students of food
economics as among the most nourish
ing of vegetables, they are very little
used in America. In Germany, however,
their value is fully appreciated, and sel
dom a week passes where "Linsen," as
they are there called, do not come to
the table at least once, if not oftener.
In their dried state they resemble in
form small magnifying lenses, being
thick in the middle and tapering
toward the rims. They are very hard,
and to be properly prepared must be
soaked over night in water before cook
ing. The form in which they are most
frequently eaten is as soup, which has
to be cooked for a long time, until the
lentils become thoroughly soft, a few
bay leaves, some celery, red pepper or
other flavoring materials being added.
Another way to eat them is in the
form of a mush. In that case frank
furters are, as a rule, cooked with the
lentils, although some prefer ham. As
a vegetable side dish with frankfurters
lentils are just as appetizing, especially
when prepared "with vinegar, as sauer
kraut, and far more nourishing.
Those who have never eaten lentils
may consider their taste-which is dif
ferent from that of any other vegeta
ble-somewhat peculiar, but, like that
of olives, it grows upon one. Properly
cooked, they will be found a most wel
come addition to the list of soup vege
tables that can be served to vary the
daily menu.
In some German cities it is custom
ary to feo the street car conductors
j who are thus enabled to add from fonz
I to six dollars a month to their in
come.
New RL?
, N a recent Sunday an impor
tant event iu Russian
Church circles took place
?when the new church of St. -
Nicholas, In East Ninety
seventh street. New York
City, was -consecrated and
m
Wy
HIGHT KEV. TIKD0N.
(Bishop of tho Russian Church for North
America mid the Aleutian Islands.)
dedicated by Archbishop Tikbon, the
highest Russian Church dignitary in
THE FAMOUS
FOOL TOWER
A Vienna Monument Soon
to Be Torn Down.
HORRORS OF ITS CELLS.
living who remember tue uiue.
in that great building, men and women
lay chained hand and foot, with none
to go near them. These physicians of
LOADED WITH CHAIN'S,
to-day remember discussions as to tbe^
utility of various instruments of tor
ture, such as the "English collin" and
the "fool's wheel."
Yet the Vienna fool tower was built
by an enlightened and exceptionally
kindly monarch. Joseph IL, whoso love
of mankind guided all his life. Its
construction and the treatment given
to its inmates, barbaric as they seem
now, were triumphs of philanthropy
at the time.
When it was built,in 17S3 the insane
were treated as worse.than criminals.
They were kept in cells in prisons and
avoided by all as if they had loathe
some, contagious diseases.
Emperor Joseph went as far ns
medical science enabled him to go
at the time. There was no thought in
the mind of any one in authority that
insanity could be cured or ameliorated.
Thus, with all his humanity, the Erri
VIENNA'S I
peror could not and did not make ol
his building anything different from i
prison for the insane.
The immense lower that rises majes
Mcally from the crown of a hill com
mantling the medical quarter of Viehni
contains five stories, each with twenty
ssian Churc
THE NEW RUSSIAN ORTHODOX
YORK
eight tiny cells. These cells are lighted
spaccly with small windows, scarcely
greater than loop li?les, barred heavily.
Sometimes two lunatics, or tools, as
they were called then, were imprisoned
in one cell. Walls and hours are .?till
studded with rings and bolts to which
these unfortunate creatures were
jehained with enormous iron fetters.
Very quiet lunatics were taken for
occasional walks through the corridors,
and sometimes even in the garden
.vi?li?-" i*w: T->"-.-. . fi " _i_t?..i
UK.U1.
cleaned-the only time when that was
done. The feeding was done by means
of a tin utensil, triangular In shape,
the pointed end ol' which wa.: inserted
in a crevice in the door of the cell. As
the food was entirely liquid, the pris
oner was expected to take the nour
ishment from this direct.
Lunatics who were exceptionally
noisy and violent were thrown into
cells that were entirely dark, and if
that did not quell them they were put
under cold shower baths and douches
until they wer - exhausted.
Chains and cold douches and dark
cells were used until near the middle
of the last century, and it was as late
as 18C;> before the violent insane were
removed regularly to asylums that
were really adapted for the purpose ac
cording tn modern ideas.
This Vienna fool tower, even in its
worst days, was a haven of rest com
pared with many of the other prisons
for lunatics that still existed then in
Europe; and the Vienna treatment of
the lunatic was enlightened compared
with the Ideas, of such eminent -and
well disposed men as Professors Ideler
and .Horn, of Berlin, who wrote learned
treatises in which they argued for thc
useful and beneficent physiological ami
psychological effects of instruments ot
duress.
They had such faith in the mechan
ical treatment that their favorite im
piement was a frightful thing knowi
by the appropriate and frightful nairn
of the-"English coffin." This collu
was one in fact. It was a long, narrow
chest into which the maniac wai
forced. Then the lid was fnstena
down. The only opening in it was on<
just large enough to expose the faa
of the patient.
Another utensil was the "foofi
wheel." which was to all intents and ii
design nothing except a magnifi?e
squirrel cage with thc familiar wheel
The raving lunatic was imprisoned ii
this wheel and left there until i
stopped revolving, which fact was ac
ceptcd as indication that the mania ha<
worked itself out.
Still more brutal were the iron mask
that were used "as late as 1SC7. Som
of these were unearthed recentlyifrou
the cellar of the insane asylum in An
/T'v
?LO?L TOWER.
i deruach, Germany, and preserved I
i the present director of Hie Institutio
Two of then; look exactly like the wi
- fencer*' masks worn when using il
- foils. The third is far more massiv
i arid made entirely of extremely hem
- siieet tin. " The latter mask has on
2h in New >
CHURCH OF ST. NICHOLAS, NEW
CITY.
two holes pierced for the eyes and one
tiny aperture for the mouth. To give
the wearer air there are a few small
holes in the top of tho helmet.
Dr. Johannes Bresler, in a recent re
view of .the primitive and cruel meth
ods used well into the nineteenth cen
tury, remarks Hint his study of the ap
pliances used in insane Asylums in the
last generation has convinced bim that
they all dato hack directly to the tor
tures used in the prisons of the period
. .. i?Mnn nnv?nn was confined
Tli" sunn o of the moon as seer
through a tiAscope. Scale about fifty
six miles tj an inch.
Mountain Su.Vncss.
No doctor has ever yet accounted foi
the cause of mountain sickness, a mal
ady infinitely more distressing nm
more lasting in its effects than ses
sickness. It is only in comparatively
very high altitudes that mountain sick
ness attacks thc climber. Th:* premon
?lory syinptonis are an uncontrollnbli
attack of nervousness. Though -tin
mountaineer may tie in a place that ii
absolutely safe lie feels when attacked
by this sickness that his last hour ha:
come. As a rule he lies fiat down am
shouts for help. Then he gets violently
sick and usually weeps. During lb
making of the railway to Jungfrai
several medical n?L>n made various ex
periments to ascertain the actual eausi
of this mountain sickness, but withou
much result. Like sea sickness i
seems to attack all sorts and condl
tions of people, and those who do no
suffer from it are curiously enough of
ten the most nervous.-Tailer.
Quenching Thirst at Sea.
Many years ago Dr. liing suggestei
to Captain Kennedy that thirst migh
bo quenched by dipping thc cloth inj
in salt water and putting it on withou
wringing it out. The captain, on bein;
east away, fuccceded in persuading
some of the men to follow his example
and they all survived, while the fou
who refused and drank salt water bc
came delirious and died. Captain Ker
nedy goes on to say: "After these or
orations we uniformly found that th
violent thirst went oil' and the parche
tongue was cured in a few minute
when we had bathed and washed on
clothes, while we lound ourselves a
much refreshed as it we had receive
some actual nourishment."-Tit-Bits
No woman is perfect, but
them are very succesiii'uLjj^
fork City.
lin's country. This is the first large
building in the East erected by the
Russian Church, and the Archbishop
journeyed all the way from the Pacific
Coast to conduct the ceremonies, as
did those at t!:e laying of the corner
stone. Hereafter he will divide the
time equally between New York and
the West. His diocese embraces Alas
ka as well.
KEV. ALEXANDER HO-TOVIIZKY.
(Rector of the New Church of St. Nicholas.,
The new building in Ninety-seventh
street, near Fifth avenue, is an impos
ing and beautiful structure, said lo
have cost about $140,000. A rectory
adjoins it, and is also shown in the ac
companying picture. The rector of the
church ls the Rev. Alexander Hoto
vitzky. As the Russian Church is a
staie institution, the Russian ruler and
Government are interested in its work
everywhere.
Device For Curing Strabismus.
While it is possible In perhaps every
case to cure strabismus or cross-eyes
with the aid of surgical treatment,
there are very few persons who are
willing to submit to the knife if the
same result could be attained by any
other method. It is the claim of the
inveufor of the appliance shown in the
their normal state, without more dis
comfort than is caused by exercising
a muscle in any other pori ion, of the
body. The idea is to etulose the af-,
feet ed eye or eyes in the device here
shown and gradually cause the
j straightening of the line of sight by a
physical effort to look through the sight
tube, which forms the sole visionary
means of the wearer. These tubes
can be adjusted to gradually draw the
lines of vision from the two eyes par
allel to each other, by changing thc
position of the tubes from time to time
as the eyes become accustomed to each
new augie, until finally they reach their
normal condition, solely through the
exercise of the muscles which control
the horizontal movement of thc eye
ball. The glasses are so constructed
that no lateral light rays can enter, and
the wearer has no choice but to strain
the muscles until the pupil is In line
with the tube before he can see any
thing. John Evangelist Rtierle is the
man who has designed this cure.
Surpcon? and U'u> Lichts.
A St. Petersburg physician has ex
perimented with blue electric light,
which showed noticeable results in
many phases of diseases and surpassed
the ettie:' .e white electric light
usn ... employed heretofore.
j. he journal. Professor Mendelsohn's
Care of Patients, of Berlin, states that
it is possible through the use of blue
electric light to make operations pain
less without resorting to other anaes
thetics. Burns of the skin, and espe
cially of the mucous membrane, are
said to have not only been rendered
painless, but healed also more rapidly.
The value of this treatment becomes
Important from the fact that it can be
easily employed where it is difficult
to use other therapeutic remedies on
account of location, as i". the throat
or deeper down In the alimentary
canal.
It is also to be noted that thc use of
the blue electric light contributes much
in lessening the pains caused by can
cerous growth in a marked degree, and
is said rapidly to effect a complete
cure of lupus, the severe disease of 'the
skin which frequently resists every
other method nf treatment.-Chicago
Tribune.
Itutn Hats In Korea.
Korea is a country of strange head
dress, but perhaps the most curious
headgear of all is the immense raln
hat worn by the farmers' wives while,
working in the fields during the rainy,
season. These
are often a
and fi.i
COURAGE.
They call that man courageous
Who seeks the tiger's lair;
And he that goes to battle
Where shells shriek through the ai
Is lauded (or his courage
And given praise because
He faces death for glory
And hungers for applause.
What of the luckless mortal '
Who, bent and pale and ill,
Sees those he-loves go hungry,
Yet hopes and struggles still?
Aye, they may be courageous
Who die ns heroes do- -?
But often there is courage
In merely living, too.
-Chicago Record-Heral?;
HUMOROUS.
Wigg-Bjones is the most penerous
fellow I know. Wagg-That's right
I've even heard it whispered that he
gives his wife money.
Nell-They say she was educated
abroad. Belle-Yes, but Ifr-didn't do
her any good. Tile's going to marry
an American millionaire.
La Montt-There goes a man who
carried everything before him in Wail
street. La Moyne-You don't say so?
La Mort-Yes; he's a street cleaner.
"Give me your candid opinion of my
painting," requested D'Auber. "lt's
worthless," replied Cynicus. "Yes; I
know it's worthless, but let me have
it, any way." ...
Blobbs-What makes you think that
waiter used to be a baseball umpire?
Slohhs-From the way he yelled: "The
batter is out!' when I asked for hot
cakes this morning.
Ida-Do you think women would
make good stock brokers? Tom
Probably. Ida-And why? Tom
Oh, I don't think they'd object to a
little "squeeze" occasionally.
Casey-Well, ye can't pr?vint
what's past an' gone. Cassidy-Shure, '
ye could av ye only acted quick
enough. Casey-How could ye? Cas
sidy-Shlop it before it happens.
"That new clerk comes in late
every morning," growled the
the firm. "Perhaps he is one
persons who believe the office
.seek the man," suggested the
partner.
Dere Jonny: I spose u will feal
to no i am not going to marry u
more, but f don't caid, ue are to
gey. And Freddy givs me chocklet
we are ungaged sins! yestady.
not anny more. Maggie.
"Bridget," inquired the mistress of
the house, "were you entertaining a
policeman in the kitchen last night?"
"Sure, mum," replied the cook lady,
ai?? )UU IIL1R1US uuuui;
doesn't hurt the rapids to he
kuow. J
"Burble, I never saw you 1
ghastly. Why don't you ask .
tor what ails you?" "Becaus
what *?ilf me. tl*t> ^?y
tion." "Quick consumption?*
having to bolt my breakfast in two
gulps and hurry to catch the train for
down town."
Auntie (to little Tommy, who has
just returned from his first day at
school)-What did you learn? Tommy
-Didn't learn anything. Auntie
What did you do? Tommy-Didn't do
anything. There was a woman there
who wanted to know how to spell
"cat" and I told her.
"He asked for my honest opinion."
"Well?" 'Well, I lied to him, of course.
When a man asks specifically for your
honest opinion about anything, you can
generally make up your mind that
you've either got to lie to him or lose
his friendship. ? It ls only when he
is less particular that you can afford
to speak with perfect frankness."
4
MILLIONS .OF MATCHES
Are Distributed GratnJtnnsly by the Fo.
tels Annually.
"It would be interesting to know just
how much-the hotels of New Orleans
spend every year for matches for free
distribution," said an observant man
who hangs around the more promi
nent places a great deal. "No doubt
the outlay will amount to a consider
able sum in a year's time. It 1s rath
er interesting foi watch different men
as they approach the free, matchhold
er, which is to be found on every hotel
counte? of the ' city. Nearly every
man wears a different expression, and
every man has his own peculiar way
of reaching for free matches. It is a
rare thing for a man to simply take
one match. He may need only one to
light his cigar.
"But he will take more than one. He
will light his cigar, or his cigarette, or
sometimes his pipe, with one, and the
others he will shove down into his.
pocket. Matches are cheap enough,*
but one hotel manager told me his
match bill would amount to more than
$50 a year? and it wasn't one of the
larger hotels either. Taking all the
hotels, you can-see that the match bill
for a year would be no inconsiderable "
sum. . It is rather singular that men
who smoke n?'ver have matches with
them. They ''.are always begging
matches. Men who never smoke do "
not. need natches except to light the
gas when they go home after night
fail. What-becomes of all the match
es,, any way? Men are always asking -
for matches. Of course, many match
es are burned up by mon who smoke
cigarettes.- The cigarette is the great
est match consumer n the world,
pipe will probably nu
if I may
especially
it of tall '
venti