Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

THE NATIONAL BANK OF ??G?ST? L. C. HAYNE, Presl't. F. G. FORD, Cashier. Capital, $250,000. Surplus and ) ?llrt Afl A Undivided Profits ( 3> 1 IV?WV Facilities of our magnificent Kew Vault containing410Saiety-Loct Boxes. Differ ent Sizes are offered to our patrons nnd the public at SG.0O to $10.00 per annum. m. THE PLANTERS LOAN AND SAVINGS BANK. AUGUSTA, GA. Pays Interest on Deposits. Accounts Solicited, L. C. HAY>"2, President. W. O. WAHDI?AW, Cashier. VOL. LXIV. NO. 9 MY AUN" The greenes* ?rass.tbe sweetest flowers.grew at Aunt Polly's door, ' The finest apples.miles around, Aunt Polly's orchard bore; Aunt Polly's cows wore sleek and fat, her chicks a wondrous size, And Jabez Smith, the hired man, was witty, great and wise. I used to go with Jabe at night,with clinking pails to milk; Sometimes he'd let me feed the colts and rub their coats of silk; And the moon that rose in those days, just behind the cattle bars, Was twice as large as It is now-with twice as many stars. Aunt Polly was a quaint old soul-a busy bee-by day Hiving the honey up for all, with never thought of pay. How mnny dawns we watched the sun, up rising in the enst. Shake out its banners o'er the hills and drive away the mist ! -Edil THE MAKESHIFT By Annie Harr Clarissa Kemp-late, very late - Clarissa Collins-carried each pot to the back door and inverted k briskly. The little heap grew high and un stable. There were a good many pots, and it was Quite a distance from the sitting room window to che back door. Clarissa was tired wheu the stained green-painted shelves were emptied aud all the litter swept up. "There!" she breathed with a little gasp of relief, sinking into a rocker, "Fa thankful that job's done with! It's been staring at me ever since I came." Clarissa invariably spoke of the day, a few weeks ago, when she aud Jonas drove from the minister's into the little ,-trim side-yard, as "when I came." Siuce that day there had Ueeu a good m ny reforms at the Kemp place. The heap of discarded gerani ums and fuchsias was only one of them. "I can't and I won't abide a mess of plauts round, littering! There's enough, gooduess knows, that's got to litter without putting np with what Mn't got to. You've got to water 'em, aud you've got to putter with 'em . aud coddle 'em, an' thero's always a mussy, wet place under 'em and sprigs and dry leaves. I can't nbide 'em if other folks can. Those that like 'em are perfectly welcome-I don't!" Clarissa Vosked backward and for ward in the capacious, calico-softened chair, communing aloud. Her come ly, middle-aged face had a look of re lief upon it. Once only a slight shade of remorse quivered across it and was gone. "He'd ? ought to know I'd doit," she muttered, "and he ought to have got his mind made np by this time. I've given him time enough-ever after, that I couldn't fellowship with a mess of plants. I guess that was good and fair waining!" The rockers took to sudden creaking as if pleading in Jonas' behalf. In the sunny windows the green shelves v looked bare and lonesome. There were little round circles, smaller and larger, side by side along their lengths, where the pots had stood. The big gest circle of all spoke pathetically of Jonas' pet cactus that bore the dainty pink flowers among its spines-that "Alwildy" had set store by. Alwilda was the wife that had driven from the minister's ir to the trim yard first. Even Jonas was hardly, fonder of plants than Alwilda had been. "There's some sense to having windows to sit by that you can see out of," mused Clarissa contentedly, gaz ing out on the strip of meandering roadway stretching bleakly away up hill. "Now I can see the people passing-there's Deacon Pottle com ing a'ready! I can tell it's the deacon by tho way the horse wags his head aud meeches along down the hill. Seems to me I'd have a creature with some kind of spirit to him. "Why,no; it's Jonas-as I live!" With a sudden accession of nervous ness, Clarissa Kemp snatched a rug and hurried to the back door. Jonas and the old horse were turning into the lane. She could hear the pound, pound of clumsy, hoofs ou the hard clay. She threw the rug over the heap of broken plauts and waited to pull dowu oue corner across the tiers of interlocked ea' theu pots beside it. "I don't want it to come on him all in a heap," she murmured. "Jonas has to have time to get used to things. He ain't ? sudden man, Jonas ain't. I've found that out since I came." Then she hurried hack to the rock ing chair by the window. Jonas was just plodding past. "Why, ain't you early, Jonas?" Clarissa called, a little breathless with hurrying. "It's only 3 o'clock. I wasn't looking for you back till sup per time." "Yes, I am early-whoa, back,Den nis, wh-o-a!-bnt the town meetiug ris' early. We got through onr doings soouer'n we expected to. They ap pointed me moderator." Jonas'voice hada ring of modest pride in it. Clarissa laughed appre ciatively. "I should sayyon'd moderate splen didly, Jonas, "she said, "but I shouldn't 've supposed you'd've moderated so fast!" The old horse started up and went staidly on toward the barn, with the trail of Clarissa's laughter in his wake. "Clarissy's a real humorous ' woman," pondered Jonas; "she's got all of it that Alwildy didn't have. Whoa, back, Deunis!" If Jonas noticed the unwieldy heap under Clarissa's rug on his way back to the liousa he said nothing about it. It was not Jonas Kemp's way to say things. In the trig little sitting room tho bared shelves and the un wonted inflow of sunshine across them appealed dumbly to him, and Jonas answered as dumbly. His seamed old face 'urned doggedly away from the wind- ?vs, and the pain on it was only yisibe to the faint, sweet face of Alwiltih looking out of the daguer reotype on the wall. Clarissa's keen eyes did net see it. Twenty >eais divided Jonas and Clarissa Kenp, and Clarissa was not young. Sbehad tailored and stitched away all her young years in her small village shopbefore she came. It had been asevemay.V wonder to Clarissa's ? r POLLY, Gold-winged arrows pierced the gloom of valley, wood and nook, Bright flecks of crimson rode the clouds and tumbled in the brook, Gave back with cheer the apple's hue, the pumpkin's, and the squash, Till dear Aunt Polly would exclaim, "What a perfect day to wash!" What steam of incense then would rise from dear Aunt Polly's tub! For sun and sky her heart gave praise with each all-cleansing rub; No skylark's note, no poet's Bong, more praiseful than the tune She hummed the while her linen white oJ??i the gras3 lay strewn. Aunt Polly, faithful, gentle, entered lo?g since to reward; Her kind old face has slept for years be neath the churchyard sward; For her baa dawned another day, more per fect, bright and glad Than when she rubbod the snowy clothes, while I stood by-a lad. th Keeley Stokely, in Youth's Companion. 0F_ JONAS KEMP. | illton Donnell. friends and twice thrice that to Clarissa herself, that she had locked her shop door and gone to the minis tev's with Jonas Kemp. After 'supper that night Jonas did his chores and took down his pipe. Clarissa permitted no smoking in doors-pi?>es were even worse than a mess o' littering plants. You could abide the smell of flowers, but tobacco -faugh! So Jouas had his evening smoke under the stars, or,- rainy nights, sitting on the saw-horse in the woodshed. Alwilda had "liked" the smell of his pipe. Heaven forgive the gentle little prevarication! "When Jonas weut in again at early bedtime the heap of pots aud bruised plants was cleared neatly away, and Jonas had the rug, well shaken,under his arm. He spread it with precise .painstaking in exactly its place on tho sitting room floor. "I fouud it out by the back door, Clarissy," he said gently. "Um-m-m," mumbled Clarissa,a lit tle taken aback. And that was all that was ever said about the plants. After that, if Clarissa had not been occupied continually with keeping the house "unuttered" and most spotless ly prim, she would have taken notice that Jonas stayed a good deal-some where-out-of-doors. He spent rare minutes only iu his old place beside the sitting room window. Aud pass ers-by -if there had been any passers by-on the grassy cross road that ran past the old, unpainted Kemp barn would have looked curiously at the big barn windows. There were two of them, and both were a-bloom with red geraniums aud gay with purple and crimson fuchsias. Rough deal shelves stretched behind the cob webbed panes, and every one was jMt?aJbAlj?-. + nn?twf ?wi---- - But passers-by were few. and Clarissa never passed by. Her way, when she wont abroad, was by the wider main road that ran uphill and down again to town. Clarissa never went to the barn. Jonas Kemp aud the cows, the great barn cat and Deui.ir were the only^ ones that saw the reit geraniums blooming bravely in the barn win dows-unless, who eau tell?-unless Alwilda saw them. Another thing Clarissa might have noticed was how long the old pipe lay untouched on the kitchen mantel. Jonas went out to his evening smoke night after night-without it! If it had been his way to say things he might have said that when one's plants have been destroyed ruthlessly one must replace them somehow eveu if one must buy hem with the. tobacco oue misses fihiug the old pipe with. And that weald have explained tli9 times of late that Jonas had driven alone to the little city down the river aird come back, past Clarissa's win dow and Clarissa's curious eyes, with a q::ser,humpy load "in behind." "Humph! Now I wonder what Jonas's got all tucked up in behind," Clarissa would muse, eyeing suspicious ly the humps. " 'Tisn't grain an' tisn't critters-live ones anyway. And he couldn't've got 'em if they were alive, not without my knowing where the money had gone to." But Clarissh, had not put her cu rious thoughts into questions, and the times of being curious aud the kuobby, covered leads "iu behind" Jonas had gone by together. She wai very busy all the late summer and early fall sew ing rags for her gay new carpet that was to transfiguro the dull little cor ner parlor where nobody went and nobody wanted to go. One afternoon, a3 she sewed, she heard Jonas' plodding feet tap slowly up the walk and Jonas' heavy breath keeping time to the taps. What in laud of goodness was Jonas coming in that time o' day for? It was so un usual that Clarissa let the strip of red and yellow rags slide out of her lap and curl like a brilliant serpent at her feet. Jonas "came in" so seldom, lately, except to his meals. Sho hard ly saw his unsmiling old face from morning to night, for she had formed the habit of setting his dinner out on the meal chest in the porch and let ting him eat italone. Her own dinner she could "pickup" on the run, and it saved such a pile of litter and mess that way. Jonas plodded in. He looked bent and feeble. "You aren't sick, are you, Jonas?" ^larissa asked a little anxiously. "Oh, no-no, I guess I ain't sick, Clarissy. I guess not," answered Jonas, dully. He crossed to the mantel and took down his pipe and blew the dust from it. A little glint of eagerness crept into his eyes-it was so much like shaking *hauds with an old friend again. "Where aro you going to? "Jost for a little smoke, Ciarissy je3t for a little smoke." ' 'Laud of goodness-at two o'clock in tue afternoon! Jonas Kemp,you aren't losing your faculties, I hope!" Jonas peered up at the old clock above him and theu at the nfternoou sun riding across the heavens. He looked dazed. The pipe slipped through his lingers unnoticed and lay in two pieces on the bare floor. "I guess I got mixed up, Clarissy; I thought 'twas ai ter supper," ho ex plained with an apologetic -attempt at laughing. "I guess I'll go out and wait a spell, till 'tis." But at supper time Jonas did not appear. Half-past five, six, balf-past six-still no Jonas. At quarter of seven Clarissa was frightened. Dim forebodings tugged at her heart-strings till they vibrated dismally. "I'll go hunt Jonas up," she said briskly, shutting her ears to the sound. "It's just ns likely as not he's fallen sound asleep somewhere. He's get ting real old, Jonas is." She went through the porch and carriage house and then with quick ened steps up to the barn. It A\"as a new trip, up over the stouy path, for Clarissa, and the stones hurt her feet. "For the land of goodness' sake!" she cried shrilly at the bat u door. The flowers in the windows-row on row of them-danced dizzily before her eyes. In Clarissa Kemp's and Clarissa Collins' life she had never been so astonished. One of the wiudows was raised a little, and the breeze crept in and set all the bright flowers nodding, friend ly-wise, at her. Row on row, shelf on shelf-for the land of goodness' sake! But how cozy aud homelike they looked! How pleasant the weathered old barn looked! Then Clarissa went in. As long as she lived-and the Collinses came of a long-lived race-she never forgot the things she saw that afternoon in Jonas Kemp's baru. The strip of car pet by one of the windows, the broken chairs set about Alwildy's mother's spinning wheel, the light of the ?nu through the geranium leaves and,dim ly, on the haymows behind aud on all the cobwebs and cobwebs-and Jonas there, asleep. Clarissa saw .them all. She saw them over and over again till. she died. "Jonas!" she called softly, after a minute or two. "Jonas, it's supper time-Jonas!" She went up to him and prodded . .?3 shoulder with her thimbled finger v larissa nearly always wore her thimble, to have it "handy." "Jonas!" She tilted his drooping old face toward her and the light. It was twisted and white. "Oh, he's got a stroke-Jonas! Jonas! he's got a stroke!" Clarissa cried wildly. Jonas opened his eyes and looked at her in an unacquainted, troubled way. , "It's pleasaut-out here," he mur mured thickly. "The plants-don-'t take 'em - away!" , "Jonas, dear Jonas, you must get right up aud come into the house with me-me, Clarissy, Jonas. Dont you know Clarissy?" "I know somebody-Alwildy," murmured Jonas, trying to smile with his twisted lips. One arm hung limp beside him,and he touched it curious ly with his other baud. "It doesn't belong to me," he said. After a little while his mind grew quite clear again, and then he pleaded to stay with his flowers. feel better? The plants'll miss me an' I like it ont here-I like it out here-like it out here." Again and again he mumbled it wistfully. The tune Clarissa's heart-strings were wailing almost broke her heart. She got help at a neighbor's, and they took Jonas home. He was doz ing all the way. It was almost a day later when Jonas fully awoke. "Ain't it-pleasant-- ont here-in the barn, Clarissy?" he whispered, happily, "I like it ont here-don't you?" "Yes." Clarissa said brightly. "I like it 'out here,' Jonas." The green-painted shelves had back their old tenants and new tenants, row upon row. Tho windows oppositt Jonas' bed were full of gorauiunis ami gay purple and red fuchsias, and thai cactus was there that Alwilda had loved. Her mother's spinning wheei stood on a strip of carpeting near Jonas. How pleasant it looked "out there!" How the . sunshine filtered through the geranium leaves and made danciug traceries on t'"e wall. A sprig of the sun leaves lay across Clarissa's face, and -Jonas smiled at it like a pleased child. "Clarissy," he whispered eagerly, "can't we stay out here always? I like it out here." Clarissa's eyes fell on a tiny litter of dry leaves under a window. "Yes, Jouas," she smiled, "yes, we'll stay 'out here' always. I like ic, too."-Country Gentleman. QUAINT AND CURIOUo. Horses in the Philippines are a curi osity. The few that are raised in the islands are too small to brand. There is a rosary in the British museum made of the vertebrae of a snake's backbone. Another is com posed of rats' teeth. The Dutch fishermen kill the fish caught as soon as they reach the shore, while the French fishermen leave their booty to die of suffocation. In England the year formerly began with the 25th of March. It was not until 1752 that the first of January was made the beginning of the legal year. The Clarendon Street Baptist church of Boston has a Chinese Sunday school whose average attendance is 200. Thig school supports two native mis sionaries in China. Untamed camels are not the docile creatures they are taught to become after months of breaking. In the wild state they are extremely vicious, and can kick harder," higher, swifter and oftener than a mule, and sometimes seem to use all four feet itt once. Mrs. Ann Smith of Worcester, Eng land, 110 years of age, has spent over a hundred years of her life in trav eling from fair to fair iu a van. She has had sixteen children, and one of her daughters, now 80 years of age, has also had sixteen. Mrs. Smith eats four meals a day, drinks sparingly of intoxicants, smokes a clay pipe steadily, and attends to all her house hold duties herself. Beguu twenty-five years ago, the British Museum catalogue of birds has just been completed, in twenty seven large volumes. It attempts to give a list of every kind of bird known at the time of publicatiou, and de? ?oribes 11,614 species, belonging to 2255 genera and 121 families; 400,000 specimens, 350,000 oi which are in th? British Museum collection, ave re ferred to in the work. A Body of Russian Qu? m in the :Canacliai ?carje P ^^^^ A largo body of sturdjSmen and women, exiled from their native land on account of their religious: opinions, consisting of 2000 of the 75$f? Russian Quakers, known as Doukapbors. or "Tolstoi's pets," who are Ettling in the Canadian Northwest?ibiyed at St. John, N. B., a few dayfjago and immediately proceeded byrM to their new home. When the Doukhobors |iided on Canadian soil they were grafted by a party of their represoawtives in America, among them beings|ho Bus sian Prince Hil kofi*. Their arrival was made the occasion of}? service consisting of prayer and. s in which they gave thanks having brought them safely, of freedom Prince Bilkoff said the-J?, ernment had offered heep tion to the Doukhobors toT French colony. The offer dined, as the people prefe?rlt? to set tie in Anglo-Saxon dominio l?, where they would not be subject j? conscrip tion. ' ? The Universal Brotherhoii Chris 'tiaus, as the Doukhobors (i. 3^ "Spir it-Wrestlers") proferto be C?lhd,Lavo suffered terrible persecution," ssbecially since June, 1895, and man;'? them have died for their faith. The Bussian Government ins ban ished the men of these 1 ejple by scores to distant parts of Si >efia. lt has used its arbitrary pow; ?T?o send Cossacks to attack and flogl rje num bers of unarmed and unresisting men and women; to quarter ??sj?cks on villages where they outrage I Women; to uproot an industrious set ieaaent of peaceful people; to oblige ?tlem to abandon their cultivated lar ls; to re duce many of them to th verge of starvation; to confine a p p'.ilation, , accustomed to the cold cl mite of a district lying 5000 feet abov 'ile sea level, in hot and unhealthy;-'alleys, where ont of 4000 people alton; 1000 perished within three years;1 to do men to death by flogging, ujichrfeed ing, and physical violence n the _ . -rm plication >God for a land inch Gov Sspoita ?ttle in a de ?IEMRERS OF THE FIRST PART! OF DOTTK HOBORS TO REACH. CAUDA. "penal battalions;" and finily, as an 1 act of mercy, the Russian G'vernmeut j has consented that these nined peo- ' pie moy leave their country provided that they go at their OTO expense, ! that they never return, and that they leave behind those of ther^_namber . who have been summoned fe military ? service. The strangest fact in this drama of j Russian life is that it w.s mainly ; through the influence of Russia's greatest philosopher, Couit Tolstoi, | that the Russian authoritiespermitted ' these people to leave tleir native . land. This fearless man of peace, ? DOUKHOBOR CHILD] whoso banishment the Government ia considering/, used his influence with the Czar, with the result that the persecution of the Russian Quakers ceases with their emigration to a far off land. Count Tolstoi is one of the mightiest individual forces m Russia to-day, and though he dresses in the garb of a peasant and lives upon his farm enp red in the peaceful pursuit of tilling .he soil, the Russian Gov ernment, fears his power more than that of any other mau. The Doukhobors believe in tho pre cepts, "Resist nothimthatis.evil,"but "love your enemies;" nud they be lieve in overcoming evil with good. They refuse to enter the Russian army, believiug that it is wrong to preparo to kill neu, and tho question, OM RUSSIA. ikers Who Are Settling ti Northwest to ersecution. therefore, "What is to be done with men who.would rather die than kill?" has made its way into practical politics. Some 7500 Doukhobors are prepar ing to migrate to Canada, where free land has been granted to them. Their new home is where the Territories of Assiniboia and Saskatchewan and the [ Province of Manitoba' meet. In Rus sia, and also in England, money has been collected to enable them to be gin to cultivate the land granted them COUNT LEC (The influence of the Busslan philosopher w hobors to e in the country pf their adoption, and in the United States also, a "Tolsioi Fund" has been raised with the same object. . v days Tie is said not. to have been as steady as he should have been. Those were days when the Doukhobors, hav ing been' exiled by Nicholas I. to the Caucasus, had settled on tho lands al lotted to them, bleak as those lands were. Conscription had not as yet been introduced into the Caucasus to trouble them, and they waxed fat, for got to obey the precepts of their fathers, smoked, drank strong drink, ate meat, accumulated private prop erty, discussed their religion as a matter of intellectual interest, and cased their consciences' by being very "charitable." They founded a "Wid ows' House," for tho aged, the or phans, or such as by any misfortune were in want. Their "Widows'He ^e" accumulated a capital of some $250, 000; and with so much property they were dragged into the net of the law, to have recourse to which was contrary to their principles. On the death of the womau who had been regarded as their leader for many years, and in whoso hands the disposal of these charity funds had rested, the courts of justice decided that the money should be regarded as the per sonal property of her heirs. This led to a split among the Doukhobors,who mun bored about 20,000 at that time. tlEN NOW IN CANADA. A considerable majority of them re garded Peter Yerigin as the new leader. His couduct at this trying time ap pears to have been remarkable. He refused advantageous offers made to him, and set himself energetically to work to revive the old faith and the old custom of the Doukhobors. He and they returned to vegetarianism and total abstinence from intoxicants. They left off smoking. They redivided their property voluntarily, so as to do away with the distinctions between rich and poor, and they again began to insist on the strict doctrine of non resistance. The Government folt that Peter Yerigin had better be removed, especially as the conscription was then being introduced into the Caucasus, j He was therefore, about twelve years ago, banished to Lapland. It was a matter of "political expediency." It is customary for tho inhabitants of the Caucasus to possess arms, but the Doukhobors feel that so long as ! you possess a weapon it is difficult to ab stain from usiug it when anyone comes to steal your horse or cow. So to re move temptation and to hold fast to the rule "Resist not him that is evil," they resolved to destroy all their arms. This decision was carried out simul taneously in the three districts they inhabited, on" the night of 28th of June, 1895. In the Kars district the affair passed off quietly. In the gov ernment or Elisavetpol the authorities made it an excuse for arresting* forty Doukhobors, who were kept in confine ment more than two years. But it was in the government of Tiflis that the most amazing results followed. A large assembly of Doukkobor men and women attended the ceremony of burning the arms, and accompanied it by singing psalms or hymns. The bonfire was already burning down, i TOLSTOI. 1th tbo Czar enabled tho persecuted Douk migrate.) and day had already dawned, when too Cossack regiments arrived upon che scene and were ordered to charge the Doukhobors. The Cossacks charged - Sn ci' mi resisting plial?ii?Ts^n^ stinctively stopped when close upon them, and only when the order to at tack had been repeated did they again advance and begin to fiog men and women indiscriminately with their whips. They struck right and left, cutting the heads and faces of the people; and when'the lashes of their whips were wearing out, orders were given to attach fresh lashes to the whips, and the flogging recommeuced.. Few stranger scenes are recorded in history. Here were some thousands of people benton carrying out the dic tates of their religion, which was the Christian religion professed by their Goveiumant. And here were two regiments of Cossacks oruelly (though in some cases reluctantly) beating men and women, till clothes and ground were stained with blood, and their psalms were turned into cries for mercy and into groans of pain. Why this was done nobody seems to know. No one was tried for it, and no one was punished for it, nor has any apology or explanation ever been offered to the Doukhobors. The au thorities in St. Petersburg depend for their information on the local authori ties who committed this blunder or perpetrated this crime. The news papers have strict instructions not to make any reference to such matters; and three friends of Leo Tolstoi's, Wladimir Tchertkoff, Paul Birnkoff, and Ivan Tregonboff, who went to St. Petersburg with a carefully worded statement of what had occurred, and who wished to see the Emperor about it, were banished, without trial and without being allowed to make the matter public. Punishment fell not on thosa who had done the wrong, but on those who had suffered it unresistingly. Cos sacks were quartered on their village, and there outraged women and stole property. Four thousand people had to abandon their homes, sell their well cultivated lands at a few days' notice, and be scattered in banishment to un healthy districts, where about 1000 of them perished in three years of want, disease, or ill-treatment. Kine Corn's Palace. The old world is to be given a good idea at the Paris Exhibition of what A'mericau corn is. A corn palace will be built showing a tremendous ear of corn rising tower fashion from its front; and in this palace it is proposed A BUII/DINO FOR THE PARIS EXHIBITION. to have a corn kitchen and restaurant, in whicli corn bread, corn pudding, corn fritters, corn dodgers, Johnny cake, succotash and all other forms of this vegetable will be served. MASCOT ATE THE SHIP'S PAINT. Sailors of the Gi on co st or Make a Captare and Kne lt. It was seven bells in the forenoon Watch of the blistering Joly day when the auxiliary cruiser Gloucester sent ashore a landing party at the quaint Porto Rican seaport Guanica. The party had landed three hours earlier and had done its duty with the regu lars of Miles' army in sending the Dons skedaddling into the heavy tropical forests which fringe the foot hills of the Porto Rican coast. It was now an hour of relaxation. In an unlucky moment a Spauish ban tam cockerel emerged from under a house aud emitted a lusty crow. Thsn it was that Lieutenant Norinau gave his historical order: "All hands chase chickens!" Tho line of excited uieu o'-.warmen scattered in untactical dis order, pursuing the gallinaceous euemy. "It was more work to capture one of those clipper-built 25-kuot chick ens than to sink the Plutou,"saidMr. Chipman. ."I thought I had the fowl foul when she tacked ship, leaving me in stays;' In a minute she was hull down on the horizon. I ran across the bows of a rooster by pure luck and put him out of commission. Later I grabbed another by his tail,and wrung his neck." Paymaster Down had his sport also. Proceediug on a private expedition, he sighted a goat with progeny around her to the number of four. He took her in tow in triumph. Following the instincts of good Mother Nature, the four little goats, who split even, two being Nannies and two. Billies, trailed along behind. One of the Billies was'drafted as a mascot for the battleship Massachusetts and the other Billie was retained as the Gloucester's special mascot. The lat ter immediately distinguished himself by eating the saddle of the Colt's automatic gun. After he had got his sea legs on things would disappear as completely I as if they had been thrown into the lucky bag. Oue fine morning the ship's painter was coming on deck with a pail of red lead. "Lay aft, McGee!" sang out a weather beateu bos'n's mate. Dropping his pail, the painter obeyed this order. Returning in fif teen minutes, he found that the con tents of the pail had disappeared. Billy had also disappeared. He was fouud leaning against the armorer's chest in a highly suspicious condi tion. His whiskers were as crimson as a Harvard football player's sweater. Hospital Steward Cox gave him emetic after emetic. It was in vain. The animal grew "dopier" and "dopier," and was put ashore finally. Undoubt edly he would have made a satisfac tory deep sea lead if he had been kept on board a day longer. Thirteen Jurors In the Box. pMrl' JnsticVBrnce's. court- that of the thinnest man in existence. Architects of palaces ,of justice, wherever they may be, have always held it to be a maxim of their art that for twelve men summoned to serve on a jury space ought to be .provided lor only eleven, and jury boxes are constructed accord ingly. It was therefore a matter of great surprise when one of the counsel in a case discovered, after his leader had opened aud called his first, wituess, thirteen heads iu the box. True, it * was after luu?heeu; but as the discoverer is a teetotaller the sur plus conld not reasonably be ascribed to th? usual source of optical augmen tation. Nevertheless he counted the con tents of the box several times to make sure, and thirteen was the result on each occasion. Then ho ventured to consult ' his leader, who called his lordship's attention to the extraordi nary fact, and after Mr. Justice Bruce had tried his own arithmetical powers on the jurors aud also totalled up thir teen, he ventured to ask what it all meant. Au inquiry by an officer of ' the court disclosed the fact that the odd juryman had been duly summoned as a juror in waiting, and had strolled into the box unobserved in preference to standing in the corridor. The good men and true did not notice his pres ence.and when he was dismissed they did not find themselves more at ease. So thin must he have been that he may be expected soon to become a candidate for th*> attention of the Psychical Research society. -London Telegraph. Literary Men and Honors. Honors for literary meu are rare. There waa Scott's baronetcy (he want ed it as a man of family with feudal principles, not as a man of letters), and he got it. The sheriff was knight ed by nature, and they gave him his spurs. It is probable that several men of letters have managed to de cline official honors. When Lord Tennyson accepted gracefully what his sovereign gracefully and grate fully gave, some literary persons "booed" at him. The great poet neither coveted nor churlishly refused official recognition. To him the mat ter, we may believe, was? purely in different. And it really is indifferent to most men of letters. Knighthoods, as a common rule, come to the be knighted because of their much ask ing, except when they come in an official routine in the public service. Having nothing official about as, hav ing no routine, we cannot look t^ re ceiving ribbons and orders. And, I hope, we cannot be expected to sue, aud pester, and hint and iutrigue for bits of ribbons! Is it' not agreeable to be out of that kind of work, to pull no striugsr? to solicit no academician for his vote and interest? Am I to envy my college contemporaries, who, being of a certaiu seniority in tho pub lic service, blossom into K. C. B.'s.? -North American Review. A Calf With Fi*e I.ejr* and Six Hoof?. One of the most remarkable curi osities ever known to exist in the au imal kingdom in Barbour county, is a calf on the farm of E. P. Phillips, near Phillippi, W. Va. The calf has five legs and six feet. '* Four legs are natural, the fifth, about six inches back from the forelegs, on the right, swings clear of the ground and has two sets of hoofs.-New York Press. The first expedition to the South Pole took place in 3567. HOME AGAIN. At last it sounds. The phrase wa longed to hear Is brave and glad in the triumphant cheer, But tenderest when a weary one may rest At last with those who know and love him best, The fleeting years bid memory efface Lite's crude and cruel lines. In softened grace The picture, lit by hope instead of pain, ' Shlnes,as our boys repeat it, "Home again." And we, who co"1" z-y. watch the-empty chair \ And pray for one* whoso place was waiting there, ' Found in the oldtime haunts so sad a change That places most familiar grew mosl3trange. We, who were lingerers from tue battle scene, With step grown lighter and with pulses keen, Like wanderers hear the welcoming refrain. For we, with you, at last are "Home again.'' -Washington Star. HUMOROUS. "Is your flat crowded?" "Crowd ed? We can't yawn without opening a window." "Are you still keeping np with na tional affairs, Mrs. Shortfad?" "No, I quit long ago; my war scrapbook is full." Newpop-I have noticed that babies always have very open countenances. Oldpop-Yes; especially about mid- ' night A shoemaker has a card in his win dow reading, "Any respectable man, wouon or child can have a fit in this store." Clerk-Are yon going to bny a new. directory? The Boss-Well, I guess not! Why, the one we have isn't half worn ont yet% He-Unless yon marry me T shall go to the Klondike. She-There! Papa said you were a more fortune hunter, and now you've proved it. "Sorry I have no small change," said a gentleman to a beggar. "All right, yer honor," was the reply "I'll give ye credit. Where do ye live?" Hicks-Just saw Hogley. Had been to the doctor's. Doctor tells him he is looking himself again. Wioks-Is he really as bad as that? Poor fellow! "Even in China woman is rapidly supplanting man." "How do you make that out?" "Haven't you no ticed that the man behind the throne is a woman?" Eector (going his rounds)-Fine pig t hat, Mr. Dibbles; uncommonly fine. Contemplative Villager-Ah, yes, sir; if we was only all of ns as fit to die as him, sir ! "The teakettle seems to be quite a singer," said the nutmeg grater. "It beats me, my voice is so rough.' "Me.'too," replied the rolling pin; "I can't get beyond dough." Mrs. Hiram-Dear, I wi?h you'd bring home a dozen Harveyized steel plates. Mr. Hiram - What do yon mean?. Mrs. Hiram-I'm just carious to see what Bridget would do with ! Why, sir, two hands have" been con-' j scantly 'on it ever since yu left it. j Customer (dryly)-That's apparent on - the face of it "Of course," said the lady with the steel-bound glasses, "I expected to be called 'strong-minded' after making a speech three hours long in favor of our sex, but to have it misprinted into 'strong-winded' was too much." Fenderson-Do you know, I half believe Bass meaut to insult me yes terday. Fogg-What did he say to you? Fenderson -He advised me not to visit the Vegetarian club, and it has just come to me that he meant to insinuate that I am a beat Charitable person to ragged and shivering tramp on a cold day: "Well, my man, I object to giving money,but if you come home with me I will give you an overcoat that w:1' last yon thro.ugh the Aviuter." "Overcoat ! I suppose you waut to ruin my busi ness." Pithy ltetorta. _ . "Oh, don't that hay smell delight fully!" exclaimed th? summer boarder somewhat ungrammatically, as the New Hampshire farmer drove her near a field cf mown grass. "Humph!" retorted the farmer, "it smells of hard work." The answer illustrates the grim humor of the New England farmer of the olden time, whose'hereditary sen tentiousness restricted him to brief but strong expressions. Another il lustration of this grim, pithy humor is' given in the history of the Massachu setts town of Pelham. John Harkness, a farmer of that town, while plowing a gravelly knoll, one autumn day, had halted the oxen to rest just as a gentlemau, driving a pair of horses,passed np the high hill road near by. The gentleman, stop ping his turnout, bade the farmer good morning and added: "May I ask you.one question?" "What is it?" answered the farmer. "What will such land as yon are plowing bear?" ''It will bear manure,sir,"answered the farmer; and laying hold of the plow handles, he started up his cattle. ? -Youth's Companion. A Reign of Terror. A sort of reign of terror prevails in the neighborhood of Candlewood hill, in Groton, Conn., because of the gathering in the dense wood at the foot of the hill, in consequence of the wintry weather, of three lynxes. People living in the neighborhood have become so frightened at the sight and sound of these animals that they dare not venture far into the woods. Several per sons have seen the lynxes, which are very large and ugly. One man with a gun iu his baud was so fright ened by coming upon them unexpect edly that he ran like a . madmau for half a mile to a neighbor's house with out stopping,-New York Sun. What Is Sometimes Necessary. "Speaking of money," said tho Cheerful Idiot "By what right?" asked the sar castic boarder. "It often takes a round sum to square things."-Indianapolis Jot.* ual. The Qnality of the Water. Doctor-Can you get pure water at your boarding house? Patient-Not always. I frequently detect just a flavor of coffee in it. - Detroit Free Press.