Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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? Neglected Opportunity. Lord Aberdeen once left London at midnight, in a sleeping car, for the north. In the morning he saw a stran ger opposite him. "Excuse me," said the- stranger, may I ask if you are rich?" Somewhat surprised, his lordship re plied that he was tolerably well-to-do. "May I ask," continued the stran ger, "how rich you are?" "Well, if it will do you any good to know," was the reply, "I suppose I have several hundred thousand pounds." "Indeed!" went on the stranger. "Then, if I were as rich as you, and snored as loud as you, I should take a whole carriage, so as not to interrupt the sleep of others."-Household Words. Plenty of Chance at Home. "What do you hear from Hiram?" Mrs. Sunup. "How's she doin' at col ?9? "I ain't heard nothin' direct," was the reply, "but it come to me ina round-about sort o' way thet he ?3 sowin'a good deal of wild oats?" "What air ye goin' ter do?" "Hev'im come home at once. I wrote 'im today that, ef he was so dead sot on agriculture, he might ez well stick to the farm."-Detroit Free Press. Not Up in Literature. "She says she's from Boston and er college-gal, but I don't behove it, fer I asked her if she's ever read 'The Ear's Atonement,' 'A Terrible Secret,' an' other works of literature, an' she hadn't road none of 'em."-Judge. That Old Kcapcr. Father time, who "reaps the bearded gbain at a \ reath, and the flowers that crow betyeen," spares for a green and hale old age thole who counteract the infirmities incident to increas ing years with Hostetter's Stomach Bitters. For rheumatism, lumba?o, poverty of the blood, dyspepsia, neuralgia and torpidity of the liver, nse rhe great tonic and health pre server methodically. The greatest conqueror is he who can con quer himself. Dr. Kilmer's SWAMP-ROOT cares all Kidney and Bladder troubles. Pamphlet and Consultation free. Laboratory Binghamton, N. Y. A bitter experience should admonish more prudence in future actions. HOW'J TM*! We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any CAPO of Catarrh that cannot be cured by Hair.-* Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHENEY & Co., Prop?., Toledo, O. We, the undersigned, hnve known F. J. Che ney tor tho last 15 years, and believe him per fectly honorable in all business transactions an<l financially able to carry out any obliga tion made by their firm. WEST & THUAX, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, Ohio. WALDINO, KufPAK & MARVIN, Wholesale Druzgists. Toledo, Ohio Hall's Catarrh Cure is taken internally, act ing directly upon the blood and mucous sur faces of the system. Price, 73c. per bottle. Sold by all Druggists. Testimonials free. The management of the A. & W. P. R. R., al ways alive to the comfort and convenience of its patrons, wdl put on an extra sleeping car between Atlanta and Now Orleans during tho fieriod of the Mardi-Gras festivities at the atter point. Digram-; are now ready at the office of Mr. Geo. W. Allen, T. P. A., No. 12 Kimball House, and those desiring to inako this trip will do well to call on him some days in advance to secure sleeping car accommo dations GEO- W. ALLEN, T. P. A.. Atlanta, Ga. JNO. A. GEE, Gen. Pass. Agt., Atlanta, Ga. Karl's Clover Root, the great blood purifier, gives freshness and clearness to the complex ion and cures constipation, 25 cts., 50 cts., $L With Linph:i?,is we say that Ripons Tabules, tho best aud standard remedy for stomach and liver trou bles, wi 1 cure your headache or bilious at tack. One tabule gives relief. I could not get alone: without Piso's Cure for Consumption. It always cures. -Mrs. E. C. MOULTON, Needham, Mass., Oct. 22, '94. Free to Afflicted Women. I have nothing to sell, but will. tell, any af flicted worn m how I was enrol af tea long suf fering from femalo weakness. Address with stamp Mrs. H. Lamar,' 1-9 Crew St., Atlanta, Georgia. _?_ Mri. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for children teething, softens tho (rums, reduces inflamma tion, allays pain, cures wind colic. 25c. a bottle At Every Twinge, Of Rheumatism you should remember that relief is nt band in Hood's Sarsaparilla. Rheumatism is caused by lactic acid ia the blood, which settles in the joints. Hood's Sarsaparilla purines the blood and removes l-fOOCfS iSarsa" 1 1^%%^. parilla this taint. Therefore ?f~^ * .? f?pkO Hood's Sarsaparilla & cures Rheumatism ^fe^ <S&ty%/1j^ when all other remedies have iailod. Give it a fair trial. " I suffered intensely with Rheumatism, bat Hood's Sarsaparilla has perfectly cured me." HABRY F. PITTARD, WintervlHe, Go. Hood's Pills arc the best family cathartic ! McELREES I ?WINE OF CARPUL $ Foi Female Diseases. * W. L DOUGLAS IS THE BEST. PIT FOR AK INC, S? COEDOYANi FRENCH&?NAKELL X CALF. 4?Z$P FlHCCALf &K?NGAMH *3.5?P0UCE,3 SOLES. .?#*2. WORKINGMEN ?EXTRA FINE? ^* ^I.^BOYS'SCKQOLSHKS. yiAX?IE3? 'VSBSB?BK* Over Ons Million Pcopio wear tho W. L. Douglas $3 & $4 Shoes AU our shoes are equally satisfactory They give the best value for the money. They equal custom shoes In style and flt. Their wearing qualities are unsurpassed. The prices oro i:r.liorm,-r.temped on sole.' From Si to $3 saved over other mekes. If your dealer cannot supply you wo caa. ? SELLS HEADILY! Agents Wnnted. Write for Term?.. Send 4 cents in] stamps for Handsome Cat. J A. G. SPALDING & BROS. j " 126-130 Sassau St., A*. 1". City, f SJ} O i& ftl H fi Ka SUITABLE to (ill ?fy sm> ? ? 'S? \3i> fanas; 25 yean In badness; largest tobacco need farm In the world. Reputation of our s cds s?coad to none. Catalogue mall? d f roc. LBJ jer num ber of Improved vari-*...-.- trian nan Le found on any other list and ut lower price?. Il Ii. li A GLAND >5EEDCO.,Hyco,HaliraxCoMVa .v,C p I s.a.*.S ? 'C.?-R.D?FPM *? CUB?S WHERE ALL ELSE FAILS. I Best Cough Syrup. TaeteoGoou. Use j In lima. Sold br druKrtsts. ;0,N5?W??,T10N & I THE CALF PATH. One day through the primeval wood A call walked home as good calves should. But made a trail all bent askew, A crooked trail as all calves do. Blnce then two hundred years have fled And, I later, the calf is dead. But still he left behind bis trail And thereby hangs my moral talc. The trail was taken up next day By a lone dog that passel that way ; And then a wise bell-wether sheep Pursued thc trail o'er vale and steep, And drew the flock behind him, too, As good bell-wethers always do. And from that day o'er hlil and glade Through those old woods a path was made. And many men wound in and out, And dodged and turned and bent about. And utterod words of righteous wrath Because 'twas such a crooked path ; But still they followed-io not laugh The first migrations of that calf ; And through this winding" wood-way Stalked, Because he wobbled when he walkod. This forest path became a lane That bent and turned and turned again ; This crooked lane became a road Where many a poor horse with his load Tolled on beneath tho burning sun, And traveled some three miles in one. And thus a century and a half They trott the footsteps ot that calf. The years paned on In swiftness fleet, The road became a village street, And this, before men were aware, A city's crowded thoroughfare. And soon the oentral stroet was this Of a renowned metr?poli"?. And men two centuries and a halt Trod in the footsteps of that calf. Each day a hundred thousand rout Followed'thls zigzag calf about ; And o'er his crooked journey went The traffic of a continent. A hundred thousand men were led By one oalf near three centuries dead. They followed still his crooked way And lost one hundred yoars a day. For thus such reverence Is lent To well-established precedent. A moral lesson this might teach Were I ordained nnd called to preach. For men are prone to go lt blind Along the calf paths of the mind 7 And work away from sun to sun To do what other men have done. They follow in the beaton track, And out and in, and forth and back, And still their devious course pursue To keep the path that othars do. But how the wise old wooJ-go ls laugh, AVho saw tho first primeval calf. Ah, many things this tale might teaoh But I am not ordained to preach. -Sam Walter Foss, in Buffalo Express. MYRTLE'S MARRIAGE. BT 7IELEN FOERE3T G3AVES. DREARY place," said Hugh Keppel to himself, with a shrug of the shoulders, "but still-home." The damp, brown leaves were matted by rain and tem pest, where they had drifted np around the steps ; the vino which gar landed the old tower had lost its scar let glow in the cold touch of snow and frost; the cedars shuddered in the blast. For Keppel Tower was on a commanding hill, which, although de lightful enough in summer, was not without its disadvantages in the month of December. Mr. Keppel had been absent for three months, and this was his first home-coming since he had returned from Parir. His mother's eyes brightened as she stood-a commanding figure in black satin and rioh old Mechlin lace-be side the fire in the round drawing room, with one hand on the gold headed cane which was her constant support, the other extended toward him. "You ara back again," she said. "Oh, Hugh, I thought you never would return to me!" The room was very pretty, with tho cheerful firelight flickering on the blue-and-white tiles of the chimney piece, the curtains of wine-colored plush, the decorations oE old-gold rib bon ancient brass and art em broidery. In ali these things he recognized Alice Amadine's taste-the taste of the distant cousin who had always lived with Mrs. Keppel since Hugh was a boy. They had grown up together, in fact, and Mr& Keppel had made no secret of her earnest wish that Hngh might eventually marry Alice. But Hugh Keppel, with all a man's perversity, had rather chosen to fall in love with Myrtle Vennor, the blue eyed daughter of the old judge who lived in the pretty country house two miles down the river. To-be-sure-which was some com fort to Mrs. Keppel-there was no regular engagement; but every one knew that the young people liked one another. "Don't mind, aunty, dear," said Alice Amad i ne, with her gracious smile und slow, musical accents. "Love can neither be bound in fetters nor driven in harness. Myrtle Veu nor is a very sweet girl, and no doubt everything is for the be3t." "My love," said Mrs. Keppel, kiss ing Alice's rich brunette cheek, "you are an angel, and how Hugh can bo so blind is far beyond my comprehension." "I can enduro anything so long as you love rae," said Alice Amadine, ef fusively returning the caress. Alice was as beautiful as ever in her garnet-red gown, with cardinal roses in her hair, as she smiled her greeting and' presently they were stated at the little round table at tea, by the softened light of a student lamp. "And how are the Vennors?" said Hugh, after he had inquired after every one else, vaguely hopiug that Alico or his mother would mention the subject without his suggestive question. "Oh," smiled Alice, carefully meas uring out the exact number of drops of thick cream which Mrs. Keppel liked in her tea, "the Vennors are very gay this season ! They are to re malu at the Grange until Twelfth Night, and there are all sorts of balls and parties and festivities going on. And the last time I was at Mrs. Tor rence's, the dressmaker, I saw Myr tle's wedding dress being made." "Her wedding dress?" echoed Hugh. "And, oh," said Alice, still intent on the duties of the table, "it was such a beauty ! Old white brocade, trimmed with lace that must have been perfectly priceless, and a white velvet tablier front breadth. Auntie, will you have some preserved cher ries? And there were flowers embroid ered in seed-pearl on the sashes, too utterly lovely to describe. Are the Vennors so very rich, Hugh?" "Then phe is going to be married?" he exclaimed, gnawing fiercely at his lower lip. "Myrtle Vennor-I could not have believed it. And never to tell me !" Alice Amadine laughed softly. "Dear me, Hugh," said she. "Aa if a girl confided that sort of her se crets to her miscellaneous gentlemen friends! And Mrytle Vennor always belonged to the secretive kind, you know." "Who is he?" he asked, hoarsely. "The man, I mean?" "How am I to know?" said Alice, artlessly. "Colonel Fitz Urse has been staying at the Grange all the autumn, and Doctor Fenimore, from New York, comes there often ; and there's Mr. Atwater, and those two young Yale collegians, and-oh, dear, Myrtie is very gay this year !" Hugh sat silently looking into the fire. The poisoned arrow had sped to its destination, as Alice Amadine well knew. All tho life and animation had gone out of him that night ; and when he had departed to his room in the central round-tower, where the win dows looked out on the surging tops cf the cedar grove, Alice laughed exultantly. "Dear auntie," said' she, "do not look so grave ! It isn't pleasant to take a dose of quinine, but one feels so much better after it. Well, this news is a dose of quinine to poor, dear Hugh!" "Alice," said the old lady, "do you think we have done right? Is-is not this like deceit?" "Where is the deceit?" lightly ques tioned Miss Amadine. "I did see the wedding dress, didn't I? The very one that Myrtle's mother wore when she was married, and that Myrtle her self is to wear next New Year's week. Auntie, you know as well as I do that Hugh never would have been happy with that silly, frivolous little Myrtle Vennor. " "No. " said Mrs. Keppel, slowly, "I do not believe that he would. Oh, Alice, it is my hope and my prayer that he may marry you!" "Wait!" said Alice, composedly smoothing the plush table cover. "Don't you remember the old Spanish proverb-'that all things come to those who know how to wait?' Only have a little patience, auntie. There is noth ing in all the world so easy to catch as a heart in the rebound." And in the meantime, sweet Myrtle Vennor secretly devoured her own heart, and wondered why Hugh Kep pel never came to the Grange. "'Can it be that he has forgotten me?" she asked herself, "After all that he has looked and spoken-after the flowers he gave me, and the little, old fashioned ring with the black pearl, that he placed on my finger? Do men's hearts change in such a fickle fashion as that?" Myrtle Venner was as unlike Alice Amadine as a sweet English rose ia unlike a vivid cactus bloom. She was fair and delicate, with a complexion like pink and pearl ; bright hair ?hot with golden threads, and blue, deep eyes, full of wistful, ap-, pealing light; and her nature, too, was dissimilar to that of the wily brunette. _ . It was, therefore, her first impulse to go to Hugh Keppel, aud ask him what dark shadow had come between them.. But Myrtle had all a woman's pride, and so she kept within her own heart the secret of her grief. And Alice Amadine was well j)l eased at the success of her subtle scheme, feeling, as she did, that Hugh was drifting slowly and aimlessly into her toils. "Why should I not ?" he asked him self. "One woman will be very much thc same'to me as another, now that I have lost confidence in Myrtle. My mother is fond of Alice, and I think Alice will not be unwilling to be the mistress of Keppel Towers." And he made up his mind one chili, bright day, when the hard frozen snow gleamed white in the valleys and the hemlocks were weighted down with feathery fringes of psarl to set tle the matter definitely that self-same evening. "it will make my mother happy," he thought. "Andas for myself, what avails it?" Yet, nevertheless, a pang came through his breast as he stood there, under the shadow of tho giant forest oak trees, where, last year, he aud Myrtle had gathered mistletoe to adorn the great saloon at Vennor Grange. "Never again!" he muttered be tween his teeth. "My lost Myrtle, never again !" A slight step on the crackling snow, the gleam of a scarlet cloak, disturbed the melancholy thread of his medita tions, and, turning, he saw that Myr tle Vennor herself had merged ?from the evergreen thicket on her way across the glen, and stood there, with cheeks glowing with exercise, and largo, startled eyes. "Mr. Keppel!" she exclaimed. "Myrtle!" he responded, taken by surprise. "I-I did not know that you were here," said she, in hurried accents. "I hope you are quite well. We are having lovely winter weather. Good morning !" And she would havo gone had ho not put forth his hand to check her flying footsteps. "Do not go, Myrtle," he said. "There is no reason why we should avoid each other." "You have avoided me!'1 she flashed out. "But I will not hereafter," said he, trying to speak composedly. "Be sides, I have not yet congratulated yon, Myrtle." "Upon what?" she said. "Upon the loss of my faith in mankind?" "No, upon your marriage." "Mr. Keppel," she cried, flushing to the roots of her hair, "you are will fullv insulting me-" "I, Myrtle?" "Then why do you uso such lan guage as tbe,t?" cried Myrtle, wring ing her fuv-?love i hand?. "Who should know better than you that that I have no idea of being mar ried?" "You cannot deceive me, Myrtle," he said, sadly. "Alice Amadine her self 6aw your wedding drcts beiug made. She told mo." "My-wedding dress !" For a second Myrtle's brow contracted with per plexity, and then it cleared instantly. "Oh, I know now!" she cried. "She must havo meant mamma's wedding gown that Miss Torrance is remaking for the tableau vivants next week, when I am to be G inerva, i? 'The Ohl Oak Chest. ' But as tor my beiug mar ried, Alice Amadine know that was not true," Her cheek kindled with crimsoi bloom; her lip quivered; the bluf lightning of her indignant eyes wai quenched in coming tears. "Speak those words again, Myrtle !' 3ried Hugh, in a voice that shook witl repressed emotion. "Let there be nc mistake in a matter that is so vitally : ss en ti al to my happiness. Yon ar? not to be married this next week?" "I am not," she answered,earnestly . He took the little, trembling hanc in his. "Sweet Myrtle, forgive me?" hi said. "But my heart was torn with ho jealously and burning anguish. I be lie ved that you wer o lost to me, an; life was scarcely worth having withon your love. Now let us begin the worh aver again. Promise me, dearest, t< become my wife. Let no more crue doubts rise hp between us forever more. Will you promise, Myrtle." And Myrtie answered, in scarcely ludible tones : "I promise !" Hugh Keppel's face was radian! when he came back to the round draw ing room at the Towers that after aoou. His mother looked earnestly it him. "Dear Hugh," she said, "you havi bad good news." "The best of news," he answered, brightly. "News that Myrtle Vennoi will become my wife soon ; news tha the false report of her marriage t< my one else is utterly unfounded." And as he spoke, he looked full into Mice Amadine's face. She coloree ?eeply under the scorching light of his eyes ; but she knew that it would be fatal to quail at this juncture, 01 to 6how any consciousness of her owi guilt. "Dear me!" said she, smiling a: graciously as ever, "what -ridiculon stories do get trumped up among tlu neighboring gossips 1 And so yon ari to be married, Hugh ? I am sure 1 ?vlsh you every happiness." And no one who saw Alice Aman line at that moment would hav< Ireamed that her life hopes had beer ;ruelly smitten down-for women art aeroes at heart. -Saturday Night. The "Boom, Boom" ot the Blasts. People within ten milos of the val ley of the Des Plaines River, "in Uli aois, can hear the dinner-bell of thi sanitary canal. They know when th< low growls of the exploding dynamite jonie from the rock-cut that hundred? rf tons of limestone are breaking iway from the bed-rock and tha thousands of laborers are cleaning th< plates on the mess tables in the con tractors' camps, for the blasts are sho it noon. Visitors aro first warned of thon langer by the red flag which is al ways displayed near the face of thc working where tho lock is to be blasted, and they receive anothei warning from the men who scrambh from the floor of the cut to the sur tace on their way to dinner. Thi "boom, beom" of the blasts roll: along the canal from one end of th< rock-cut to the other, for it is dyna mite which is cleaving a way througl the backbone of the divide preparing a bed for the great river which is tc carry Lake Michigan's waters to the Mississippi. Before the canal is com pleted thousands of tons of dynamite will have been exploded, for it is esti mated that for every cubic yard ol rock half a pound of dynamitais used. The three-legged rock drills drive a series of holes across the canal ; tht channeling machines cut narrow fur rows twelve feet deep along - the sides of the canal, and then a man-with t wooden ramrod drives dynamite cart ridges into the holes. At noon ? pressure of the finger on an electrica] button explodes the mine and a mass of rock 300 feet long, seven to nin? feet deep and from ten to.twelve feet thick is shattered into pieces*whict can be handled by the men who loac the skips and buckets of the convey ors. A dynamite cartridge is about eighl inches long, an inch and a quarter it diameter and weighs about- half r pound. It is shipped to the cana from the factories in wooden boxes, which hold fifty pounds of the ex plosive, aud comes a carload at a time, The dynamite used in the rock-cut ii known as forty per cent, dynamite, and, contrary to the general belief can bo thrown from the top of the Ma sonic Temple to the ground withou exploding, for it is made of forty pe: cent, nitro-glycerine and sixty pe: cent, "dope."-Chicago Record. tirtroili ol Agricultural Schools. A very gratifying announcement i that of the opening recently of a wei equipped agricultural-school at Ken sico, Westchester County, N. Y. Th school has been established and will bi maintained by a private bequest, anc is to be known as the "Brace Memoria Training Farm. " The building whicl is to shelter the young farmers is threi stories in height, built in the oh Colonial stylo of architecture, and i large and roomy enough to accommo date 100 students. A number of earn est young men have been enrolled and the work gives every promise o being highly successful. In this con nection it will bo interesting, perhaps to note the progress of similar institu tions throughout the country. Ii fourteen States schools devoted to thi: special work are maintained for bot! white and colored students. The tota number of institutions offering course: in agriculture is sixty-five. In thesi institutions tho college course leading to a degree in agriculture extends ovei a period of three or four years, whili there are shorter courses in dairyin; aud similar work, which cover only i few months. Besides these there an courses of lectures on farming giver in various localities by members of tht faculties of these colleges. Thesi courses are particularly popular Some idea of the extent of this worl may be gained from the followiu; figures taken from the United State.' Agricultural Report: The total nani ber of professors iu tho faculties oi these several collcsres numbered in tin past year 12S2 ; tho total number o students, 17,G23 ; the total revenue o thoso institutions for tho year wa $1,024,132 ; aud tho value cf addition to their equi} ment is placed at$1,481, G37. -Scientific American. Tho Earth's Hean .Hay Grow Cold Referring to the warmer climat which is evidenco.l as having existe: at one timo all over tho earth, Si William Thompson says: 'Tho eartl might be a globe of white hot iron covered with a crust of rock 2009 fcc thick, or there might bo an ice-coh tempern tu re within fifty feet or thi surface, yet thc climate could not O] that account bo c?nsibly difieren from what it is, or t'jt? soil be sensib'r more or less genial than it is for th' roots ol' trees or smaller plants.' Manifestly, therefore, the duration o life upon tho surface can iu no way b depoudent upon tho. length or in tensity of heat, supply from the iu tenor. This, it is claimed, could no at tho present timo molt a milliraote thickness of ice, - Chicago Herald, BUDGET OF FUN. HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM VARIOUS SOURCES. Precautionary - Self-Flattery - A Noble Aspiration - A Remedy Suggested-What lt Was Real Easy, Etc. She shook bira once-she shook him twice, Yet hs was not forsaken ; Thir.i asking she adapted-'twas "Wollshaken before taken." -Judge. SELF-FLATTERY. She-"I'm sorry I married yon." He-"You ought to be. You out some nice girl out of a mighty nice husbaud."-Life. A NOBLE ASPIRATION. She -"What is the height of your ambition, Jack?" He (admiringly) -"About ?vo feet seven inches." -St. Louis Democrat. DREADFUL THOUGHT. Clara-"Ha has proposed three or four times and I don't know whether to accept him or not." Maude-"I would. Suppose he should stop?" -Judge. WBAT IT WAS. "Timmins's five thousand dollars did not go very far in speculation, did it?" "No. It was only a drop in the bucket shop. "-Washington Star. THE ONE WHO PROFITED. Mrs. Visitor-"I hear that you have gained your lawsuit; and now, of course, y:m will go abroad." Mrs. Athome-"Oh, no! We can't afford to-but our lawyer Bails next week."-Truth. VERY DISAPPOINTING. "So th? old man is diappointed in Charles?" "Yes; he sent him to college and thought he'd amouD1-' to something,' but all they could maae of him waa a Greek professor."-Judge. WHAT COULD HE SAY? Tho young man clutched his elderly friend in a Irantio grasp. "What ought a feller to say," he asked, "when a young woman asks him if he thinks she is as old as she looks?"-Indiauapolis Journal WOMAN NEEDED. Bobby-"Pop, what's a miracle?" Fond Parent-"A miracle, Bobby, is that which cannot be accomplished by man alone. " Bobby-"Is getting married a miracle, Pop?"-New York World. A REMEDY SUGGESTED. Author-"I am troubled with in somnia. I lie awake at night, hour after hour, thinking about my literary work." Friend- "Why don't you get up and read portions of it?"-Harlem Life. QUITE A DIFFERENT MATTER. Miss Blanc (contemptuously) "That's a nico looking watch ; did you have to buy a suit of clothes to get that?" John Ware (reflectively)-"No; "'on the contrary. I had to sell one." Harvard Lampoon. A GREAT GAME. Trivvet- ' 'Miss Flopp claims to have made a thousand refusals of offers of marriage." Dicer-"That's easily explained.. When young Callow asked her.-to marry him, she replied, 'No, a thou sand times no. ' "-Truth. REAL EASY. "Well, Tommy, is arithmetic easy forvon this year?" Tommy-"?es'm." "Is it because you have a new teacher?" Tommy-"No, ma'am; it's 'cause I ain't got no 'rithmetic. "-Inter-Ocoan. A SUBSTITUTE FOR DINNER. Edwin-"What! nothing in the house to eat, dearest? Why, I gave yon a check this morning." Angelina-"Yes, I know; but I saw the most lovely Burmese gong-aw fully fashionable just now, you know -and I couldn't resist the temptation to buy it." Edwin-"But what shall we do for dinner?" Angelina-"We can listen to the gong."-London Globe. RETROGRESSION. A large company was gathered at the table d'hote, as is usual in the modern romance. The large lady had just troubled the bald geutleuian for the vinegar. "No," she was saying, "women will not go backward." "Except when she gets off a 6treet car," observed the cynic, who had been hitherto silent. The youth with the blonde mus tache got choked with his soup, but said nothiug.-Detroit Tribune. ENTHUSIASTS. A fearful sound burst upon the air. It was the voico of a woram. Ou closer aualysis it proved to be the combined voices of several wo men. . "Have courage," shouted the bravo youth who is always at haud when there is feminine distress, *'I will save you." And iu reply came tho chorus of in dignation : "You horrid thing ! Go 'way from here. We girls have just joined this seminary, aud we are practising our college yell."-Washington Star. HEARTLESS. There is nothiug like the heartless ness of a mab. There is a pretty lit tle brido here in Washington who is just coming to know that. She fell out with her newly-acquired husband the other da}'. I forget quite what it was about, but it seems to me ho had said things about a new gowu of hers. At any rate, life was na longer worth living. She shut herself in her room and cried till her head ached. Then she bathed her eye?, briuhed a fluff oe powder over her red nose, and called icily to ber husbaud: "Fred." said sh?, "bring me a B?>oon, please ; I'm going to take poi son. " "Yes, dear," answered the heartless monster from below ; "do you waut a teaspoou or a tablespoon. "-Washing lou Post. - ?qt* Tho molo is not blind, as many per sons suppose. Its eye is hardly larger than a pinhead, and is carefully pro tected from dust and dirt by means of onclosiug hairs. TVOKDS OP WISDOM. A fool's eyes ore always being put out. A lie will often kill where a shotgun wouldn't. Sooner or later pride is sure to step on dynamite. i The baok that won't bend will some day have to break. Life is not worth living unless you live it for somebody else. A lazy man is always talking about how kard he has to work. You can tell by the flavor of thc honey where the bees have beer. The days are never long enough for the man whose heart is in his work. Some people forget that there is a good deal of gospel in a handshake. You have won the love of others Avhen you prove that you love them. The man who speaks the truth in love will always talk to some purpose. The right kiud of believing never fails to bring the right kind of a bless ing. Nine troubles out of ten will run when you look them squarely in the face. How quick tha peacock drops his feathors when he catches sight of his black feet Comparing your sins with those of other people will not make your sin ning any safer. Before yon open the window in a railway car, be sure you are pleasing some one besides yourself. It is more needful to be able to suf fer long and be kind, than it is to preach with the tongue of an angel. It is hard for the world to believe that the sinner who rides in a carriage is made out of the same kind of clay as the one who Bteals his bread. Ram's Horn. No Horses Needed lor This Yehicle. A horseless carriage went skimming along the smooth asphalt of Four teenth street, in the vicinity of Cherry street, Kausas City, Mo., fulfilling Mother Shipton's prophecy "that car riages without horses shall run," and terrifying two negroes who saw sparks and apparently sulphurous flames issuing from under it. The vehicle was an electric carriage of Kansas City invention and manufacture. With the exception of one used dur ing the World's Fair, this is said to be the only electric carriage in the United States, although some similiar ones are used in the Old "World. The machine works perfectly. A speed of eleven miles an hour was obtained. The carriage is about the size of an ordinary vehicle. One seat holding three persons fills the front and an other one that will accomodate a simi lar number faces to the rear. A stor age battery, composed of five series of five cells each, furuishes a current of 67} ohms, and the cells are ar ranged in three tiers beneath the seats. The wheels are of wood, with india rubber cushions on the tires. The hind wheels, which are three feet, two inches in diameter, have on their inner sides a cast iron flange twenty six inches in diameter and five inches wide. Power from the battery is com municated to the flange by a rawhide friction pulley, revolving from 600 to 1000 times a minute, and is capable of being elevated or depressed at will by the driver by means of levers, on which he places his feet. The steer ing is done by a toothed segment and pinion attached to the axle of the fore wheels and handled by a steering post . manipulated by .the driver with his hands, j The carr iage caTPTriafce' quiok, shaft turns. The storage bat teries <xml run the machine about seveny or eight hours. The carriage weighs about 2003 pounds and is jl'i?icker and lighter than the European coaches.-Chicago Herald. Popular Ideas ol' Inventors. In a recent address Alexander Sie mens said that it is a popular super stition that the inventors are heaven made, and that they can produce use ful novelties to order in any branch of manufacture where a want exists, if only their attention is drawn to it. "The history of the invention of the steam engine," he added, "is a well known illustration of the point I wish to emphasize. According to tho pop ular version, Watt, a small boy, saw the lid of a teakettle move up and down when the water waa boiling, and this suggested to him the construction of a steam engine. As a mater of fact Watt made himself acquainted with what had been done before (a point al* together ignored in the popular ver sion), and had to work very hard be fore he brought his invention to a successful issue. His example is typi cal of the true method of progress, and we may generally say that in order to approach a problem with the most certaiu prospect of success it is necessary : "1. To define, as accurately as pos sible, tho want that exists, or the par ticular object that is to be attained. "2. To be well acquainted with tho scientific principles which come into play. "3. To know how the want 13 met, or the object attained in practical .life. "i. To find ont what proposals have been made by others an the same or in a similar case. "A careful attention to these re quirements will prevent much disap pointment and waste of energy, as will be obvious to all of you without further explanation." - Scientific American. , Baby Savcil From Ka ts by a Hawk. A barn belonging to Edgar Put nam, of Sugar Loaf Hill, Penn., burned in the fall, and the next day an army of rats flocked into Mr. Put nam's house and attacked the baby in the cradle. Mrs. Putuam was work iug in the buttery, and the cries of the infant were HO different from what they generally were that she rushed to it in great haste. She found rats climbing and pushing ono another all over the cradle. A tame hen hawk named Dick was doing his best to pro tect the baby by catching tho rats right and left, giving each a squeeze and th?n dropping it. Mrs. Putuam seized her little ono and started for tho next room. The ravenous rodents clung to her skirts, and tho hawk pulled them off aud pinched them fatally, working as though be knew that the infant was in danger. Dick flapped and hopped and flung the rats 1 around until Mrs. Putnam goi out of the room without any of them cling ing to her clothing. The helpless lit tle child was badly bitten on tho face and hands, and Mrs. Putnam said af terward that the blood-thirsty rats would surely havo killed the baby if the watchful hawk Lad not sailed into thom almost as soon as they swarmed into tho house. When Mrs. Putnam j returned to tho room Dick was still j killing rats, and he didn't let up until ? more than thirty lay dead on tho I floor.-New York SUD. The estimated population, of th? world ia 1803 was 1,500,000,000. To the Youl the beginners in tl cake making, th< great, no assistant Royal Bakii It is the perfe.fi and makes perfec make a mistake 1 with any other. ROYAL BAKING POWDER CO., WHAT YOU SHOULT> KNOW. Yon may not know, and if yon do not, yon will find it useful to bulletin in the kitchen the fact: That slamming^ the door of the oven will make cake "fall." That n little knowledge, far from bo ing dangerous, often saves the cook' cookery from disaster. That plunging macaroni for a sin gle minute in a bath of cold water after it has been cooked tender in boiling salted water prevents it being "pasty." That 'a pinch of powdered sugar, and another of corn starch beaten in with the yolks of eggs, will keep an omelet from collapsing. Beat the whites stiff and cut them into tho yolks. That a half-teaspoonful of chicory, to one-third of a cup of Mocha and two-thirds of Java (or thereabouts) pives the rich,' dark tint and peculiar flavor of French after-dinner "black coffee." . That a couple of sheets of big news paper wrapped about ice will keep it half as long again as ice that is uncov ered. The paper is much more cleanly than a piece of blanket, as it can be removed daily. That shaking potatoes after the jackets are off for a minute at the open window will make them "mealy." The cold draught causes the starch cells to burst open, making the feathery white flakes that are in such agreeable contrast to the sodden mass served too often for a potato. That tho secret of making sponge cake is not to beat the air all out of the eggs after it is once beaten. Beat tho yolks to a mass of bubbles, and the whites a stiff froth. Then cut them' into each other with a few crosswise thrusts of a fork, and cut the eggs into the cake mixture in the same fashion. Do not beat the cako after the eggs are added. That Young Man Again. "Did yon ever pay any attention to theosophy, Mr. S logo?" she asked, with deadly sweetness in her tones. The young man admitted that he had not. "Oh, it is just lovely,"-she contin ued. 'TMave often thought how per . fectl^charaaing it wonhCbe to send one's astral self down info the "par^ lor to entertain, while one's real tired self was sound asleep." The ticking of the clock became 80 painfully loud that the young man was foi ced to look at it and suddenly dis cover that it was really growing so aw fully late.-Indianapolis Journal. KNOWLEDGE Brings comfort and improvement and tends to personal enjoyment when rightly used. The many, who live bet tei ?flan others and enjoy life more, with less expenditure, by moro promptly adapting the world's best products to the needs of physical being, will attest the value to health of the pure liquid laxative principles embraced in the remedy, Syrup of Figs. Its excellence is due to its presenting in the form most acceptable and pleas ant to the taste, the refreshing and truly beneficial -properties of a perfect lax ative ; effectually cleansing the system, dispelling colds, headaches and fevers and permanently curing constipation. It has given satisfaction to millions and met with the approval of the medical profession, because it acts on the.Kid neys, Liver and Bowels without weak ening them and it is perfectly free from every objectionable substance. Syrup of figs is for sale by ali drug gists in 50c and $1 bottles, but it is man ufactured by the California Fig Syrup Co. only, whose name is printed on every package, also the name, Syrup of Figs, and being well informed, you will not except any substitute ii offered. Complete for potatoes, fruits, and all vegetal yield and h At Least 10% Results of experiments prov why, is told in our pamphlets. They are sent free. It will cost you nc dollars. GERMAN In a Peci of trouble-the woman who w out Pearline. Her work is n< and it's never done well. ine she can do twice as much, and have it done better. There is little work, less wear, never the least harm. J Try Pearline, and see it / go for dirt ; when you see / j dirt-go for Pearline. j?% 4L eware Peddlers and some unscrupulous grocei same as Pearline." IT'S FALSE-PearlL au imitation, b; honest-said it tack. tiger Cooks, ie art of bread and ive is no aid so so helpful, as the rig Powder. ; leavening agent t food. Do not by experimenting 10? WALL ST., NEW-YORK. Children and Money. Do not indulge the habit of giving your children money in an indiscrimi nate manner to spend as they like. It leads to a great many ills, not the least of which is an impaired digestion from overeating. ? child who has a penny or nickel every time he asks for it soon make himself ill eating tho cheap candy and cakes put np to look so at tractive on the outside, and then you rush off for a doctor and fill the child np with medicine as a result of yon? own selfishness in giving him money to get rid of his importunities. Then it is apt to make tho child grow up with extravagant ideas, and stealing is a natural second step when parental indulgence has worn ont.-Chicago Record. GOLDEN MEDICAL DISCOVERY Many years ago Dr. R. V. Pierce,. chief consulting physician to the Invalids' Hotel and Surgical Institute, Buffalo, N. Y., com pounded this medicine of vegetable ingredi ents which had an especial effect upon the stomach and liver, rousing the organs to healthful activity as well as purifying and enriching the blood. By such means the stomach and the nerves are supplied with pure blood; they will not do duty without it any more than a locomotive can run with out coal. You can not get a lasting cure of Dyspepsia, or Indigestion, by taking arti ficially digested foods or pepsin-the stom ach must do its own wort m its own way. Do not put your nerves to sleep with so . called celery mixtures, it ib better to go to the seat of the difficulty and feed the nerve cells on the food they require. Dyspepsia^ * Indigestion, Biliousness and Nervous Af fections, such as sleeplessness and weak, nervous feelings are completely cured by the " Discovery." It puts on healthy flesh, brings refreshing sleep and invigorates the whole system. Mrs. TL. HENKB, of No. 896 North Moisted St. Chicago, m., writes: "I regard my improve ment as simply wonderful. Since taking Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Dis covery in connection with his 'Pleasant Pellets ' I have gain ed in every respect,! particularly in flesh and strength. My |. liver was dreadfully enlarged and I suf fered greatly from |jb2?er>?w?^-phy sician could give relief. Now, alter two months I am entire ly relieved of my disease. My appe- Mas. HEXEE. Ute is excellent; food well digested; bowels regular and sleep' much imoroved." The comparative value of these tw o car dm Is known to moat persona. They il lust ra tc that greater quantity I? Kot always most to bo desired. Theso cards express tho b<ra*Eclrl qup!. ityof RI pans . Tabu ?es As compared with any previously knows DYSPEPSIA CURB. Ripans Tabules : Price, 50 cents a bes) Of druggists, or by mail. Ri PANS CHEMICAL CO.. IO Sp ruco Si., N.t.. LIVER PILIS -AND-[ G^TONIC PELLETS. TREATMENT S all a'nres, or bj mail Sic. doable box; 5 doable boxai MO. ItROW.V .HF?? CO.. ."Vow York City. street., .N..-W orleans La, TI?R ELASTIC ARTIFICIAL LIMBS. with bnll-bearin* knee joints. Tue Intest improved ana beat. Send for des riptivo catalogue and price list. T. C. HILLS, Successor to A. MCDEUMOTT, 510 A 618 (o.d No.lM) StChariei IMA I I KR WK LETT Kilo" raine sent T? Hi L L O I . FR RE to readers of th'* paner. Ciarlos A. Itu ld win Si Co., ? Wall St, N. V. A. N. ?. Tivo, "95 Fertilizers Dies require (to secure the largest .est quality) Actual Potash. re this conclusively. How and ithing to read them, and they will save yoo/ KALI WORKS, 93 Nassau Street. New Yorky'"0 ashes with ever done, rith Pearl 's will tell you. ' this is as good as" or ,{ ae is nevrr peddled, if your grocer sends J .2S5 JAMES PYL5, NfW W