Edgefield advertiser. (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, July 28, 1881, Image 2
m*
? ^HIIMM|tlM|lly'ultMH|K|l?uimlulWI||"
T??OS. J. ADAMS, PROFR.
JEFIELD, -S. GfXULY 28. 1831.
VOL. XLvt.-NO. 34.
TUS WRATU OF JACK FROST,
JMO Frort w affronted and aagry
. Tb? Sorta Wind bao teM, ta ? gal?,
Bow mortals were di e&ding his advent
v. bea Antonin should dio in toe ral?.
They spake af bis stern laws abiding,
H.? trwicioroaa kia? tbnt ia death,
Tb? bi a ahmont sad ot tb? btasxocia,
To? ire? rs Ter? chained by his breath.
Then, drawing hts white robe about hint,
Be Towed he would leaTe thora to know
That evil* for mortals there ought b*
If ore dirt? than tue ice or the ?now,
Then strode to the north, very sulky,
TU} peopfe grew frig tened to think
Of tb? QtiBt** denied-of the horror
Of summer-warm water to drink.
They seat bim s tropical hotter,
B.ocm-sceniod, w?th touching device;
With hoar-.rost he sanded his answer.
And wrote with his finger, Ko icc*
The Oranger? sent np s eonuat<eioa.
To speak, so they said, for the wheat;
He frosted their noses hy wholesale.
And va: them home blue wita defeat.
The skaters, with steel clashing ior.dly,
Invoked him, with penitent err,
"Oh, como in thy beautiful armor,
Ob, Fri st-King 1" He whisted, * Sot Z."
The Ice-dealers prayed by the river,
An anny right italTrart to tee;
They Oiled tbs soft sir with reproaches,
Yet -fack never hoe?3cil their pies.
Then esme to him, isintiy and softly,
A pitiful, weak little Cry
From lever-hot childhood, still asking
That his hand on each ferr bead might lie.
To this ba was strangely attec?Te,
And bent to the tremulous prayer.
Then spake to his serrants ia walting.
To Stag oat his flag e very where.
Than lol there were crystallins bridges
That needed nor cable nor pier;
The South Wis fi before hun retreated
Ia turmoil and terrible fear.
Be tucked the peor wheat away safer/,
Ee sea ed the buds safe with s kiss.
Till tbs whits winter harrest wss gathered
And boused fros tbs ssa sad the misc
Bat Just whirs'tbs brook, running swiftly,
Touched tightly if* io*-tambo rice.
There were ?oboes of happy cbild-lscghUr
Still sounding all pacers between.
THE MINISTER-S OLD COAT.
" Minis ter?' socs are very apt to torc
out badly," said I to the gentlemen wh#
nat next to me in the car. We had met
in the train, bound for Chicago, and had
?truck np an acquaintance. He stopped
me with his hand on my arm, and with
an earnest look which I ?hall never for
get I paused at once ii? what I wac
aaying, and it seemed for a moment al
most ss if the rushing train had ?topped
to listen, too, !
"Let me tell yea a etory," he said.
" I know it is a common belief that min
isters' sons are wild, but that is because
people talk about the bad enes, while
those who turn oat ;?ell sre<ffieii ss a
matter of course. I gathered statistics
about them once, ant found that out of
1,000 Eons of ministers there were very
- few who did not grow up useful and in
dustrious men."
> " But what Ls vom story ?" I asked.
"Well," ?aid be, "it begins withs,
class supper in Boston a dozen years \
ago. A number ot . old college, friend? j
had gathered in the evening for their j
annual reunion. Among them w the j
rieb merchant, J. xw Willaston-perhaps
you have heard of him-and a poor pas- |
tor o? a country church in Elmbank vil
lage, out in Western Massachusetts,
whose name was Blake, A g<>od many
of the oin ss had died, and the dozen or
so elderly men i~ho -.vere left felt more ;
?"ender than ever toward each other a?
.they thought of the bright old days at
Harvard, and how soon no one would bo
left on earth who shared in that happy
time. The dielt? ft carce and went, the
lights glowed brilliantly, and at last the
friend* grew quite gay. But the tender
feeling I have spoken of would corae up
permost, nov and tneu ; and in cue o?
these momenta Wiili-ton's eye was at
tracted by somethins: glistening on the
coat which his friend Biake, who sat
DbXt to him, had or.. He looked closer,
aid saw that the black cloth of which the
coat was tasde had been worn so thin
rh*t it was very shiny.
".Well, Blske," stud he, suddenly,
ricking Lo'.d of his friend's arm cordially
. !<*vhiuh he somehow hadn't thought ot
dering before), ' how has the world gone
>ith you lately ?1
" Blake bcd a naturally sad and
iihoughtfol face, but be looked around
quickly with a warm smile.
44 * No need to ask,' be said, hvoghing.
1 You eau read tide whole story on my
back. This old coat is a sortof balance
sheet, which shows my financiad con
dition to a TL*
" Then he spoke more seriously, add
ing : 'It is a pretty hsrd life, Willis
ton, that of a country person. I don't
complain of my ?ot, though sometimes
I'm distressed for my iamily. The fact
is, this coat Tve got on is hardly fit for
a man in my profession to appear in,
but I'm going to send my boy Sam tc?
Harvard thia year, and must pinch hore
and there to do it I really ought to be
tba "ul, though, thot I cen get snob
advantages for-him by a few little saeri
Htk'es of personal eppeerr.uce and conven
io nrc'
Don't yon give a thought to your
coefc, i4d fellow, returned Wiliiston.
'Nob*2y who knows you will ever
imagine* that the heart inside of it is
threadbare, however the garment may
dook.'
" Blake was pleased with this kindly
.expression, and both m<?5 after that ei
.fhitnge of confidence felt happier. But,
..Hmong the various ineideuta of the
.woning, thL? one almost passed out o!
the minister's mind by tho next day,
when he started for Elmbank. Speedy
as hi* rec.ru w???, however, s-juiethir.j.'
meant for him liad got to bi* destina
tion before bim. Ii was V-tter. Tak
ing it np, he brok* ^r>-n the envelope,
..and found a few words from Wilb'.stoa
-Oith c. check for $500, to defray the
first year's college expenses of bis old
. classmate's ?son.
"You are a ?rtrenger to me, (dr,"said
mr trawling companion at thiK point,
"buti think you will appreciate the
feebug rritii widen poor Mr. Blake
stood in hie r,.?ra tod dingy utady in thc
old form parisocai/i;, holding that letU r
in his hand, end li&ing bia tearful eye
in thankfulness io Ci od/'
"Yea," I replied, "WtlKatOB ,^id just
tie right thing, to-\ And hw wa* ii ?
Did the son ?bow that he deserved tho
help*"
Hy a?c m?Dtaaoe looked away from me
at th? rieb couatry through, which we
were passing. Then he said: "fi
Blake was a goed-natured, obedient
?ow enough, and trae featly pleased
haye the expenses of his first coll
year taken ofi' his father'*, ahon de
but his sense 02 duty didn't go veiy i
? -Rev. Slr. Bloke bought a new coe. <, :
Sam eutered Harvard that fell ; s
there matters stopped for awhile.
"A Freshman has a great deal to le ?
ad you know ; but I think the chief thi
Sam learned that term was the great c
terence there is between Harvard anc
little .village like Elmbank, and the gr
difficulty of working and playing at. t
name time. Here he had society nv.
ingB to attend, and rooms of hi? _ov
i with a. chum, where a good d
{of smoking was done by fcicm
j and his friends. And then ih<
J was base-ball, into which it appeal
! indisoensiblo for the honor of t
i
? class that he should enter sotively,
j account of bia strong legs, wonderi
j wind, and ground batting. He cou
j not refuse to go to the theater oceanic
s ally, with his rieher companions. S?
! took a natural interest to the society
I young ladies, too, and had given 1
; some time to ita cultivation. He al
I thought a moderate amount of pra;rti
I in the gymnasium wee desirable, to pt
j vent his health from going down und
1 the confinement of study. So, ont
whole, the actual work that he did
the college waa not verj extensw
This didnt seem to have any bad ene
.till well along in the winter, when tl
habit of shirking work had grown
strong witljout his noticing it that 1
felT easily into reading novels when !
ought to have been in the recitatio
room. Gymnasium, theater, b?liard
smoking, and I am afraid I must soy
little drinking, frittered away his tim
" One horrible, snowy, sleety mor
ing, when he had got up too late t<
prayer, tlie postman brought him
note front the faculty-an 4 admonition
He dropped the pipe he waa just ligh
ing, and bolted off to the recitatio:
But he * deaded ' immediately, and th)
discouraged bim. He soon began !
m?ke light of the warning, and did hin
self no credit in his ?tudies. Thong
he managed to squeeze through the e:
amination at the end of the Fresh mo
year, he came oat far down toward th
foot of his class. He wasn't quite coi
tented with himself, and thought ho'
try to do better the next year. But dui
ing the journey home he recovered hi
usual spirits.
44 When he walked np the village tc
j ward the-parsonage farm, he was thin*
ing that-since he was a Sophomore no<
-he would buy the knottiest and big
gest-headed cane in Cambridge when h
should go back there. And what d
you suppose was the first thing that me
Wm at jhcvne j> J?twasJiis father out^ it
the field digging for new potatoes, bi
coat off and his spectacled face perspir
ing. The sight ?truck f.h&me into tbi
boy. Ho vaulted the fence, and, .ur
ning np with hardly a pause for gie?
ing, cried :
" ' O father, let mc do that. I dor.'
like to see you at snob work.'
"Mr. Blake ?topped, and looked earn
estly ana rather sadly at him.
" * Well, Sam, I think thefa about SJ
good & how-do-you-do a? you could hnv<
ofiered me. There's something gow
! about you siter ali.'
"It had not occurred to Sam tba
there waa any doubt on that poiut be
fore. He blushed ss be aeked :
j " . Where's the hired mau Y
j M< I've discharged him. I can't *v
ford one at present, ir. y son,' was th
answer.
'.'Sam was rather pawled, and begat
to reflect.
" Thev went into the bous*, and there,
- *
when the minister reappeared after mak
ing his toilet, bia r-on noticed that v
wote ibe old shabby, shiny coot. Ai
thia be was more than ever astonished
Tlie supper, also, notwithstanding it ww
the first night of the prodigal's return,
was very meager. Not a single extre
luxury wee on tie table, and Sam ob
served that bis father and. mother toofc
no sugar nor butter. Bia cwn appetite
began to fail at seeing this, and his per
ception was sharpened accordingly. He
was now aware that his father looked
very thin, aa well as sad. Suddenly be
laid down his knife; and exclaimed to
his sister Katy :
" 'Sis, what does all this man ?-thia
going without the hired man, and starv
ing yourselves Y
"His sister looked at him, then
glanced at Mr. Blake and her mother,
and made no answer.
" *I thought,' said Sam, petulantly,
'that WilKston's money was going to
make it easy for you, father ; and here
the pinching is going on five times
worse than ever.'
"'I don't own my friend Williston's
money,' said the minister, quietly.
" ' Of course not But the five hun
dred dob- '
" Sam stopped abruptly on an entreat
ing gesture from his sister.
"The subject was not resumed ; but
before he went to bed Sam obtained an
interview with bis sister alone. He felt
secretly that he was responsible for the
depression and trouble which seemed to
fill the household. But that only made
.ym apeak more impetuously. 'Now,
Sis/ ho began, ' can I get two words of
senao ont cf you Y
1 "4 Not until you ask pol itely, ' site re
plied.
" ' Well, then, please tell me what tho
mystery ia.'
" ' It oughtn't ty be a mystery to you.
Sam, that you haven't done well at col
lege. Papa ia terribly disappointed.'
'"I dou't see why he ahould try k>
commit suicide, if he ia,' Sam retorted.
'I haven't cost him much this year.'
'" Oh, yp?, you have. Bo you know
bc actually sold his new coat ? "
" ' Why ? ' Sam frowned.
" ' Because hes beon trying every
way to (save money aine.e he began to
get reporta of ho'* you were wasting
your time,'
" 4 What tor ? ' asi.ed Sam, toongi; he
began to suspect.
"'Well, bor-how abo aid I know?
Don't yea seo? Se1? $0 kW?
had th&t money from his classmate, ano
he's nearly saved enough, and he's going
to pay it all back. There, I was to keep
it secret, and now I've told yon ! ' And
his sister burst into tears. 'Yon've
nearly broken hi? heart, Sam-poor
papa 1 '
" The next day Mr. Blake's aon went
off directly af 1er breakfast, and was not
seen again fill afternoon. Coming b^ack,
he overtook bia father coming from the
poatoffioe, N
*. *I know all about it ! ' he exclaimed,
in bia excitement ' Katy told me last
night I wish, though, you'll held ou
to the new coat a while..'
"'Why? * asked Mr. Blake, imper
turbably.
.*'Because,' said Sam, 1 Fm going to
pay my own wsy now. I've been off \' -
day, and hired out for the season ti
Farmer Hedgoburton. You won't ?end
that money to Wiltiston, viii yon,
father?'
" ' You are too late,' was the minister's
answer, 1 I've just mailed thoi letter lo
bim.'
"In fact, next day the kind merah -
. ant's eyes were dimmed ns he rend these
words :
"DRAR WJXJJSTOH : Jly boy-if. a'tioott-'
break? my hen rt to Bay so-has rot proved
worthy of your gpoenwitv. I have decided to
return the yuin ^vhioh you (war no ter hun lft*p
year, and you will and a draft inckwed for that
ataouiit. BLAXE."
Hero I interrupted the narrator.
" Doesn't this story prove w.ntt I mid ar
the beginning ?" I n-sked.
"No; for that isn't the end of if
San: went down to Boston in the au
tumn with few dollars of earnings in
his i ? 'cket. He had decided, to give uj ,
ooh e, and so applied to Mr. WilUston
for a clerkship.
" He told him, ' ? proved myself un
worthy, as my father said. Now give j
me a chance to show myself worthy.' j
" WUliston gave him c position, and j
he worked there two y wir?. Thfiu an j
opportunity offered to go West end tok '.
a partnership in-wha do yoe thin!- >
The clothing business! Sa?n jumped al
it ; and you may believe he -ent bi
father next Christmas 'V riuest coal
that concern could produce.
"I am a well-to do man now, so, "
continued my acquaintance, suddenly
cpesking in the first poison, "and when ':
we get to Chicago if yon will com?- to j
my establishment I will show vou my
. . . !
father's, the minister's old. shiny coat, |
I which I preserve because it wat; tho be- \
ginning of a fortune and made :-? mun I
of me."
I "Then," Iexcicimed, f.p.kicg bimby
the, hand, "it is yourself you have be&n
talking about all the time, lt JU aro--"
"Sam." corcluddd my now friend,
cod ling and sailing.
? Of all the - wonderful orenr.ur^.-i m the j
1 entire animal kingdom none have ex j
cited such deep and jarring iut*-n-<t, : .
the great man-like apes. Tin- gorille, j
chimpanzee and orang-outang approach j
so near to tho form and sL>:e ?>f mi.n that
the question oi relationship is instant!,*.
auggested to the mind of every person
oho beholds for th*? first time one ol
these wonderful forms. In the to'vint: ?
?.mmajs we Bee actions very similar p. <
JUT own, and a pert'ect reflection ot om ?
own peculiar pesions and emotions. :
Scientists are anxiously looking for ?
ward to the discovery o? the " misaine j
tink" which shah establish :? direct line j
. of relationship between the human race J
i end the great anthropoid apes. Shgui i
, wonder, then, (bat th-? latter are studios j
j with'such de*p interest, second only i< i
j that bestowed upon ourselves.
Scientists erree in according to tl.-. :
t . - 1
j corilla the second highest pine-? in the :
; animal feingilom-thai next to mau. :
j This is by reason of his great siz^, and j
the raan-?iko provenions ol' his V>jdy j
and b'ror-s, which ensbie him to stunt! j
\ more neariy ?m?t than any other ol the j
j upes, f or strucrural reasons tne chim- j
' pnnzee ia giveu the second place below !
? man, after which coree* the orang-out- ?
' ang. Next in sl'fo to the gor lia, if j
j weight often equabng men himself, and j
i with human like face, ance aoci hands. :
th? Malays oi Borneo call him simply j
orangvian, or "jungle man."
Th?-, orang is tot-nd oniy in Borneo &nd
Northern Sumatra, sud t)K' former is
land may fairly be ealledits home. Like
I che gorilla and chimpon?^.* ir. We-t
Africa, ir. i--. hero found directly ander j
fbi: equator, mhabifing only the densest j
rivgin forest where wild frail ir, aband- i
j ant, find it is comparu t?vely pam fron: |
I r.he attacks of man. In Borneo tho i
j orang-outang inhabit* tlm-t wide belt of j
swampy forest, which hes between 1
the ~-?>ft-coast and tho mountain ranges
I of foe interior, and extends entirely .
Iround the western hf?li of the island. I:
is most numerous m the territory ci ?
Sarawak, ai<>ng the i We.? Batej?g-L'jp.tr ;
j find So?ong nnd their small tributaries, j
! Tbi-i region between the interior mount- !
I :ODP ?nd the seo is a vast swamp, r c
L. ely covered with a- d.ec.-:e growth of i
virgin forest, into which a whit-: man
rarely ventures. Hero and thew- ri?
isolated hills or mountain?., like
itilands in a sea, clothed to their sum.
j mits with tropical verdure. Upon these
j hills groTv many noble fruit trees, and,
in thc "fruit WBH.-^U"-.Tunann-to Mi;;.
-th* orang-outangs from the warroona
ing swamps repair te them for their
nual feast. Tho piincirml frniteupon
wluoh they feed p-r? rhe famons dnrioc,
the roangosteen and rambutnu, Huprde
men ted by rh? green shoot? of tut pan
danus and the leaves nf vnriou? ir>\>.<.
.- Harp*-'* Wtsklp.
StTlU'.ET-CAiit VOVXrXHT.
A hatchet-iaoM woman, of nbotij M
iummers. with n wealth of freckle in
her face cad s snuft-stiok v. Uer mouth,
??ot into n crowd'-d cur o?i Galveston
fcvenut.. Thero were hali n -Uwu gen ><?
men on the ear, but none ol them offen >i
to give her a sent. After site had wnjiy^d
s reasonable time, f-he .'aid :
. " Ef any of you g.tloots is Wtiit.in' f? <
me to t?quat in your k-ps, you aro brtrk
ing up tie wrong tree, for I wnut yon tv
understand Fm a lady."
A dread that she wes not in earnest
sassed ats $eAtteaaa *e Uave the oar,
XTIQ?ETTIO OF CA jens. . .
The observances of om"d-leavirig, or, as
it ha?: been\^(.i?h;igly'terrae'l, "pa'de
board etiquette," are ai times lound v>
be irksome asid annoying: bri they ar a
fo?owed, aovesriheless, wirb agr?ai dea)
ut' rjuaeri?i?i? Opou this tfJjsiom *h~
whole fji'iric o? soeietv mar be said to
rest, for by the groper use of visiting
cards, the ice- of conventionality is bro
ken-a circle nf friends either formed or
enlarged-the v.-y pav?: fl for. invitation*
-acquaintance kept ap; or ?-.onneciiom?
severed. Thertfore UKJ study ol' tb
code cow followed in ??s respect is of
Uie greatest importance io ,h?j?o who
arc desirous cf attaining any of the Ob
' j?c*s joft Cienri<meil, as well as io chose,
who wi t? feel themselves af ee-e.
should they, by ?ny mcohsjrfihd tbom
?'dves remover! from thr ordinary :oft
( tiue of their lives.
j Cahl-ioavuig w a duty which eonljaj?
i almost entirely within the raovince w
j the. ndatreas ot' the bons*, ;:.?t mily ?n
i her own '???half, bul on her husba?'d's
? also. f
1 lu ?ui eoi'uitry it in etiquette io?- ?io
j old-established residents to call first
I upon any new people who come to dwell
tu the neighhovh.wv.?, and this Ls a ?.sis
tom which sh ndd lie iMrofullyobsewfed.
By it a kind ?ii welcome is given to ih?
: strangers, ami it rests entirely with tho?
I .'irs* callers to decide whether rh ;- ac?
j pmi?taucesh?p thus formed shoi-td bo
I nothing rn; av than n bowing on", or.
j whether it should expand info iht?macv
I or friendship. . &
I Thi<- position can oe most easily etf*
' plaice;! by nv::, i ts of an >iiu-t?-;,-,i.;.n.'y,?^
We will suppose, for instance, th?v^
I Mr. ami Mrs. Smitji coma t;i reside
.ir.jer hi tho country, in thcviliage^?Q
suburban locality, nr place where
thev would Iv likely to roecf frequently,
?.even occasionally, with th? .'stn I ?lishe-1
residents -in a w?ird, anywhere, eicep
.!? lar^e town.
Wt- -.viii take tho family <-.: ihr: Brov^n
is a type of the ?.hl inhabitants. Urto?r
i-arniug licit Mr. and Mrs. Smith wer,*!
i : . ir ? v in residence, .Mr-. Brown (ajf^pom
,>aniedot :..>'? hy her ao^bsndr'as rt?o|
.ase m iy bf ) would take au early op
loriuuiry of railing upon Mrs. Smith
F th?t lady is at horns, 'lr. Brown, isj
. .. aJiown into the drc.wi:iir-room,
... A?? intimar - purport of br
..sit -namely, thal o: niani?esting ?i
.riondiy disposition to v:?rd them!.Th'*
cal! ?.. "<! not hist moto than.'* few m:n
.,?.-. -say tin or fi ft?; ea. Ti' Mr-, Bron a !
nts .-);rle:: without r husband, she wjUl
lake "".ce oprK?rtuu.irr. while !ejivi?tg? to
slip on tb* hu;J--i?'!o ?wo ot uer hus-,
bund's curds-'tue i>.r Mrs., tbeothgi? for
Vir. Siuiri... Th.- is : :?.. m 9s o.pnvnffn>j
to a ii om Mr. Biwm : ?nd, l?esj"V -,
n this case, fh?; .-ard-, uro useful,,vi\
.?-:.'>':... Sm i li . .- . . j\
of -??*i?ien?: .^e^^r?
night? m>t be kiivwc to her.
.1: ?K now .Mi-.. Knitli'l 'urn to r.-?ox-e.l
to tin' civility tinta shown. After tl; : j
lapse of f bree or four .'?sys, ?ra week- j
imirdiug to amount of cordiality
Ait. muy fcttl -ii. is her dury to return
Mrs. Brown's .'-.li. Site dbes so. of
cv?nrse. icav?is; cards, should Mrs.
Biviv.-n ha?pen not t< bc at home.
/.' tums /.-. rtofi.v.
A contribution lr?_kiww!?tlge --i this1
Unorder i-i- been nvi by M. t.v.it'i-.'r. a
ri. ?..<.? ? s-ient?st. The mo.-: :m;jorhmt j
? it the. conclusions vbi??b fie t?wiu"? f'rt?in !
his oxpertraeuts is ;! :i? the saliva o* r* j
mail dog, obtained from {bc living .-.:.>. ;
ino] and kept ir? wcter, c??ntinnr> vim- j
leio five, ft'urt^en aud even rweaty-four
bohr? ail i-vward-^a fad Uiv?"??ving:eonse
.p?eTiees which evcrv'?xH?y shonl?! oe ?
twaro Tiius i?. u\'- t'Uui thc v atvr j
of a v? ..>:..:.) in which instil ilop may have j
tlro|.;?e?l rsmv- of .his saliva in iittempting i
to <tr:n!- >!i..?il?i Vie considered vmsltCit \
fornl leos! rwutr-focr hours : a^inexi;, ;
that as mrli vu from .: mad dog aliK^fa j
hus stKcunil)ed to thc malady, ov ki: ?
?MS?? killed, ?kies not lose tts pfojwtvvi ?
t?ironglt mere corJing oi tlK-lnvly. ii t*J
imponsni itt examining the ess-.U.^; !
r> . mouth and throat after death t?* |
guaivl against iiie ..?.'i-i'i.ie danger o? i
.r.of'tl .rion.
i UBAMiO /.> eiPA'iK.
Since th?1 time oi Cervanf??s. ?a.? a
recent writer on sp.o.i-h li?erature, ?
(< mental capaciiv iu Spsin hus b.-en on
th? decline. With thc introduction of
toba?M?o into the sj"?*e physical degruds
.'.ion began, and, notwithstanding then
are u few esr.-ptioi,-. T> the rub. wjtb
rite body weak the mind if; :>y* to bo
weaker." There is not a particle
doubt thai climate has ifs ot'..( in tb<
izse of tobacco on the human system?
?it">b at the Spanish race, for iiw5tim?:e, j
Four hundred yeojrs -.'M>> ?t was \r>:>"
ot' stalwart me;: v.vd beantifu1., i:???.!
f?Ome-fojined and well dtwloped wynscn.
A sto-lwart Spanisrd is herd Ix? .ico!
nowade.ys Th? v/omcu, with rni?- ex
ccptiomc, ar? sci "'--l'y. sntall i?< statttw,
without phuupcess, sod altogether, ?n?
sotisfacf<?ry ii-. pliysicnl jxuni ol new.
Che fact that they moot ?iitl appl.??id in
cold blood af thc cruel scenes pi the bull
?ght i-; evident^ eE?xigh to ??i tle thc
cberatTter e>f tlieir mentid struetup
Thai thw condition i:= the restdf of ti.,
u.'-e of h ?onceo, wc ?lo not outircly }?!].-.\..
fi til- Spania-d had fallen from physical
;.?.:<:& bj ii.- coosiuoaptko?, Hie t'??. and
friendly Dutchman of Hofla.ndi-bas mir
iaiidy improved. From thc ti mo ?ii Pct?
Smyvesont, ?%f. Von Dams,* the Di Buy
ter?, and tb:- other htrroes ol Amit..
damian history, tobocco ha.s wielded i<
of.w. r in til? tlipkcnatic, political ami
:so?:in] nftiurs of tb?? world, ftmoke
take); the plsci- ol argument, sud Un
i'.'tM lins seen login ont of tb?: front
il?>jr. W?> Think it. bardi;, rensonabk
nttribntc thc general it sidence of S}?.MI
r?"? rh?- noi ni tiic weed, fl..- hunt
u.'S of wJitch seems f?". '.. r..'. >;?u?'iian?mi o
lo tie. existence of .? very Iw^n- and :;??.
portan! numhcrol thc human race. Aa
modi pe?>plc aiesT find out bycxperifn<si
whet hurts them. i> is hardly worth
while to decloim ogaiust bli olntosttui
vtir-?J habit, as b in{: one rn? rti.!Iy,
morally aud physically ?amaging.
Jfew Yvrt- fywniorcUU IhUlatirs.
cine AG o.
fl* 't A? Enifltoh iVnr??ffMMta
' )q 'hie return to England from the
*f ""ly Tin? to the United State*,
^,^r?!--?:r,,v} Cobden avowed tobi*
??E3JP ?ftal fcc PIWW?.,?^ v
ty.ui for evo.'dngvthe Atlantic by hav
i? "ind p.n opportunity afforded bira of
Siagern and Chicago. Thc qnar
tj -"IPcen?nry which ha*- al most passed
ia Mr. Cobden traveled in the great
Jintlic-and was, moroover. tso de
gt??d with it r?.s to declare that, it
.r?!ruy years younger, lie would estilb
?n himself ti tore -or good sud all
aye wrought g proi'ligions chango in
ncittost morvclons cntj that ?sr-;be
itiuud ni tho United State*. The .pop*
ulaiiuu ht* growii more hhaij five-fold, ?
ithr. -'icy Ji?.< spread far and wide ?nor
[??|?^citiJijtvcettt prairie: ihr greatest '
A?^TV?J;;,! for cereals, lund ?or and live i
si> ch ir. the world stretchy ?doug tho ?
bank of tito bifnrcaiing Cliicaco river ; j
; tl o ronnfaccores which liave lately ;
! sfi"#g up vrithiu the cominee ot Ibo j
j," yoing giauteeso? tlx- West " ?re aston? .
. ;. . gin nnmher, i.'t variety, and in en- j
j ierj.'i ?e : and, finally, tho record of the ?
vir*?? done by Ohicago reads al
mot like one of BaWlais: ?'tu- .
I pcalous exaggerations. Cutil thc time i
&?il arrive v;ben the capabilities ol pro- j
c.'.iii.:. 3liall begin to cesse in the vast j
kiricr?tursl region from which Chio-ngo
i ..ed, or until tbs grain, tho cattle, the
! ' top. tho hogs and U20 poultry raised
. ti ?rein MI: required i'm- h'-.rr.e eor..3?unp
'JSJ??J-V? ',fc commercial capital of the j
f?tate "f Jl iuois '.rill continue to grow !
i?i wo?lth and population, mjfil, as is al- I
eadj predicted by its most .sanguine
tad far-sighted inhabitant-., it bromes
bbc largest and moat popul?te city in
!>e Union.
Chie? ero is alresdv the Mecca io which
r'i-c managers of ali the great, trunk linea
^irailway nutning tathe Eastern pori?
o' Montr.-;-], Portland, Beeton, New
York. Pbiladelolda rind Baltimore eilend
their vi-.ioa. "To reach that vast em?
juoriunj,"-. ays Mr. John Harold, in bis
I ble pamphlet upon " Farming and
fRailroad Interests in North America,,:
ii .'into which are gathered the products
l of States having an ares of some 880,
1309,000 acre? r;t' rho most exuberant
Reads in the world, ia the Rim nf ail rail
wey king::. No difficulties-whether*
geographica!, physical or financial-ere
allowed to stand in the -voy of their tap
ping that great reservoir of traffic, npon
[which the profitable development o?
their iron roads in so largely dependent."
tThe O?icia! statistics of the trade and
[Commerce of Chicago for thc yeal* just
. tiosed afford ample justUic.siion for tho
of. milwsy managers to " meka
fj^nneclii as" with that* amazing center.
tij,' i 'VI th -4- . 4rrr%--?. Tf...
craved there arno int ?d io more thnuldO,
000,000 bushels, against 180,000,000 re
ceive?! i? 187?. sn? ?:nly 60, OOO, OOO in i
1870. : ' A tinw will come, prob- i
ably within ibo lifetime o? many who axe .
'. already i*: existence, when Chicago is j
th?, >iiag'':-t city on che American conti*
; nerd. This anticipation ii based upon
kthe incontrovertible fact that nowhere
{ else ?2: ti.-; rt'orld are ?ill ri;.: staple? in?
I dispensai la for the snsteoiation of an
! enormous head ol population at tho
cheapest possible r.v.^s to be found in
:?.,?..)? unparsllnled sod overwhelming
almndaoc?.
SISOt'I if- HABIT.
The IPor?aud prf.*a fnrnishoa this
. remarkable incident illustrative of ape- !
(?ulipj bal ii of the gentler sex : -'When
QT. twitcheli, ot Fairfteid, was aV.oui !
to extract a tooth bm a lady'? jaw, he
,;>. -.\hut ito thought was a silver tobo,
and I*-., seked what its use was. She re
pli?e:. 'That is cot a tube; it ?spins,
PT..en 1 pick np a pin I put it into my !
month.' The dector asked what she did j
who:? she ate and, slept. 'I never re
mo re ovs. except to u*e it/ she answered. ;
To ih?: doctor's .tatonwhroent, he found !
^ sateen pins by the side of her under j
jaw.!* '
OM t- ifffjwsr WAX
j Six mati v.; <i:?.i(tinl :. r.tove in a J?-- :'
. i
; rrnt jottaee? store. Thette luvd been A ;
l.?i;jj j'. n..t( of sileii?e wheuoiwof them !
r ;. ?.. .? ? * i-- leg and remarked :
"That .?Jd tvound fools as ii it ^?1-J
k?-tiiv to open again, f shall alwaya !
: 11 .-.cii'ti- .. Hie battle of iti-di Mouut- j
j aim" I
Tlx ? was ? slight stir around the
I
and n second man put bis hann :
j to his ?ooi?der, and observed :
And I shall not .--:ou forget Brandy j
??fats Feels to-day ?>s \i the h rd wius ?
? : 3 io work ont,*'
In interest ?vi>:--. n.:?w considerably in- |
'..1^. .;. hud the third man knofke?l toe 1
allies oh' his cigar and -.oid : 1
I
?' thc?se re two hard fights, bat
you >'?ng?t to have Ivsen with Xclaon at .
Fi.???::i:'-... f.- r', bur -wiioTf ! e.>:?;ited !
thal day! When tltcse two lingers I
vveni aifch ? graj?e-pbot I never felt the !
pain!*" ;
f'i fourth u.riu growled ont some- 1
tlnng ?bout * Second Bull Rm; and A j
. -s . ?ton the. head, and tho fifth man j
. . .; his lefl -'de und :'aid hf dionld '
;d >; i,ememV?er til?, lay a tho ?round !
.it the V-1K.W Tavern. The sh?'.i :?.:I?? !
-tr..-;.siieni. Hit other fivu l<?i'?k^d at him ?
..if. naked for lom tospeaiE, but il was :
. ':?.!.. Ijefore ho pointful to lu's
.):i) ?v ..':>.. vp ?liv! a?ked :
? .? "i :.;..!!. do v "i know whnv? ? .
... r ituttV"
... .:.). . meniion?! one battle mid som'? .
other, bnt he *Ur*.u jijv },f>ul siwlly ;
.?.1 ?.onfinned :
.? foys, let's hon. -i and oan righ*
. .. ( J- si K.v arm by buz'<-s?tw, mid j
. (. will ltcgin ott :.:?' left ?io?*, givo I
? .. ; ? dui .. nb.ouie f.? ck'ar his iv..i
?icneo. \DV,, Ih'.-u, hbov, y.?m wounds, *
? ii ove toen kuned laiei irj their
1:ir M.-II MiiMikod f.i.^t und chewed hard i
.in /I m rtich I'fher, and cai'h ?.?iJt:
? ?sj . .< i. WAS tn Texas, wlv 0 s r.uiawa>
;!<? w l?y ?ind gave then ? eh?n??e u
: i.-h ? ul und get clear oj the one-armed j
mar? li wai ? narrower escape than j
Anyone ot them had had during the j
?ar.-?Vee Prcs9.
ll
THU XXACT TRUTH:
Two j'.''ung masons were building a
brick weil-the trout wall ot a high
house. One of them, in placing a brick,
. iiseov ered that k was a littie thicker co
ono side than tho other.
._J^_c^peniou advised him to throw
"It will make your w*U untrue, Ben,"
he said.
" Pooh !" answered Ben ; ** what dif
ference will such a trifle as that make'
you're too particular."
'.?My mother," replied he, "taugb?
mo that ' truth is truth,' and ever so lit
tle an untruth is a lie, and a lie is m.
rrifle."
.'On." said Ben, "that's all ver;
weil'; but l am not lyintf, and have n<
intention o? iyii*^.*'
.; Very true but you make your wai;
v ): a jmd I have read that a lie ia
. tie's 'cork ? likes lie-in his character
i' will ?how itself sooner or later, ano
bring harm, it not rain."
"I'll risk ? in this case,'' answered
f lea. *ud he worked away> laying rnoiv
! ?ricks and carrying fbe wall up higher,
-.ill 'Ju* .tloip o? the day, when they
'.jnitWl work oed w^.nt home.
The uart morning rbey went tortr
stuot! their work. when, behold, the He
?lad wrought out the reeult of all li**.
The wall, gaiting a tittle slant from the
untrue briek, hod got more and mort
jntrur- a? it got higher, and at last ir.
'.ne night bsd toppled over egeiu.
.lust so with ever sc. little sn untrnt.:.i
in y.'-.tr character ; it grow? more and
more untrue ii yon permit it. tb romam.
iiii it brings sorrow and ruin. Tel?. ac
snd live ;b* exact truth alway*.
Ut, l H. AS O rtff. J: AUX.
.' N-v't mg but h farmer," is a pbr?-^ j
that Ls hoard now ?nd then in America.
i>. would probably be heard in do other .
'ountry short of Ailiers. In- the I***. .
it least, of the older ?am tries rb*- !
indiaman, the teacher, the mechanic--- .
uti to v>y tho commercial Traveler- ;
,v.?ald .^>ngratul.ite himseli oe. the g->-i !
lort ut. that promoted him tc- 'hr- soe?v' ?
dandi;*.g of u freo-h?>ld farmex, !
rilo . ; .i his aero* iho?iM 1"-* few eqojiig's {
:.?> be counted on his rangers. Tbs co-|
;ion thai rho man somehow- stands ? lit- j
tie higher who weav fine binan aid ?
I ends ??ver s d ?sk ic a counter iban v-e \
man who weera 'overalls and holds a j
olow-hnndlc ia a backwoods notion. If ;
1 4
ir baa bad eny iuiiuenee-as it doubtless j
iios bsc- in beguiling young men from ?
the fs:m to the shop, the mil! and the j
lihV.^, it will not have it much longer. !
\- ,-. ne?'-country Tenurcem, Ix will go j
he ".yo; the log-cabins, -md the w-j
Juror roods, '-ilonrl Con/xw-u.
.4 SOL?LOOUJ.
" Ther?'s werry Uttie wuiirii:' amoJ!^ I
VP's, whr-ii they're a-Iookiu ot uother j
i.'- it si ic ol?, .'hey generally 'tl ?pa a I
.hunk un. They takes bobservations of j
th* r folks* follies through ? bunkfca- j
i:./u iar.iit fclewope, but rjir-.y riw^^
lw bmstniment when they're 2-?ryin* *o
li-'.'?.: r their bown : it's just s delusive
waj of tryin1 toeheat. t};emselresiht<o?he
l:*!*r-j rr.i.i ibeir misfortunes ?iu'i
nothir.' ir. the ??eVe, when weighed agin
t;>- fstdi'i bothers.''
ttl WA? A tiFPHFSHS'TATrvr>:
!'!. . constituents of a memoar of the
? -.'.'.rai Court from Huckleberry ville
vere liiseusaing his qualifications. They
uvused him of ignorance oi the law, ol
nd?.lenee, and of b*ing a disgrace to s.
VJKJJ et ubi* ?snumiunity. The member
admitting all tbk-i. wbereiD be fails i
to represent the people, of Huckleberry
rilie.
?. W t VT in the nsme cf high heaven
do** tb::! fellow across the at-eet wear
ti:>l fur - ap for?" " Probably he is a
nev. o-v.-.-r n:rn. ?nd needs ? rur-ti'e
brain." The groans of the bystanders
rennu led one of e field hospital aftej- a
jr.>ai i)iitti?.---?9T/:,evtion y?.v.<a,
ij?EK. HASBTBTJL. of the ^alvatiou K: -
my, almost destroyed hi" usefuinese ai
Mayfield, Ky., bj forgetting vbere he
war*, praying fervently fotabless- j
ing on Pudneah, a rivel town.
?I tt'hSOS AXD JUiT BHlCHT. i t KU.
Andrew .Tuclaon and Abra cac; Lic
ola always had a s.^fr ?de for :J:? fofl
,-o, and a liking for working clothes -
i., which, many time?, no do:ibt,"
I...tl? the great President?1 would b^ve
felt happier than Lu stitt" " reception *'
1 roadcloth. Jackson's sympathy for
sboriltg men is shown in this Httie story
?ron? th* Nashville Banner :
Job1; Crycr, a mason, was on several
occaaicne engaged to build cfciiuceys <A
fiM Hermitage, and while at work often
oljaaroed the n:ost refined and whitby
people <'f Nashville coming to riait t::e
( reneral end his wife. The good mason,
having more or less of mortar orra*- |
renting bis clothes, would say to Jack
son that he "would not go to the first
table to eat ;" that he "waa not fit to
appear in such elegant company."
The General always replied, "You
must go to the first table, sir ; a labor
ing mon ought to be as highlv honored
as j?r.y mau in the community, for the
stipjx>ri of the world depends on the?
labor. I will see that you ore treated
with proper respect ot my table."
This utory id c^xtainly ro the credit cf
.Jackson's democracy, however it may be .
.-info his social graces. Cryer frequently,
'aughing, said that he had been more
honored than any man in the world, i^r |
r*resident Jackson hod frequently wait
ed ott him and brought him briek ?nd
T. .rtar when his regular attendant wat
ont of the way.
P.pK culture ie ?becoming a profitable 1
industry in T?xaa, c-speoislly in tho
Hnizofl and Colorado valleys, where :
unite a number of enteipriaing men have j
/?..nul that it paye vastly moro than cot- .
ton raising. ?,
A MA.v who had just learned poker,
but htel not, siifiiciently mastered'thc in
fcrieucdea of the game, bet wildly upon a
.J'Mk, and, upon showing his hand, was
toW tbut " the spirit was wUling but the
flualv was t?Sftk."-?*??CA. " |
MYSTERIES OF 4. &EE-&irt?.
A life-time might be ?pent in investi
gsting the mysteries hidden in a bee
hive, and still half the secrets would be
undiscovered The formation of the
cell has iong been a celebrated problem
.cr the mathematician, while "tue
^^Sfi?r^jl^felg nnderg?? ofto
Every one knows what honey fresh from' j
comb is like. ? It is -a clear yellow airnp,
without a trace of solid sugar in- it.
Upon straining, however, it gradually ?
awmroea a cryetalline appearance-it can
dies, aa the saying is, and ultimately be- 1
comes a solid lump of su^ar. It hae no! .
bees suspected that this change wesdne
.o a photographic action; that the same :
.igent which alters the molecular arrange- ?
ment of the iodine of silver on the excit- ;
cd collodion plate, and d?termin?e i the
formation of camphor and iodine crys- ;
tal H in a bottle, causes the sirnp-honey j
to Assume a crystalline form. Thi?, I
however, ia the case. M. Sensibler ha* |
inclosed honey in stoppered flasks, some i
of which he has kept in perfect darkness, j
while others have been exposed to tbs j
light. Th? invariable results have been )
that the nunned portion rapidly cryptai- j
li sed, while that kept , in the dark hs* -
remained perfectly liquid. We now:
woy bees work in perfect darkness, ?nd
why they are so careful to obscure the
gloss windows which are sometimes
pla*?ed tn their hives. The existence of I
their young depends on the hquidity of I
paccharina food presented to them ; and j
if light were allowed access to the sirup j
it would gradually acquise ? more or |
less,'solid consistency ; ii would seal np j
?he cejla. and in all probability prove I
ri* ral to the inmate* of the hive. - (
-_-:- i
aoir T.WIRH DIFFKF.
The taster ot neighboring nation*, j
The Germana and the English enteem {
T'.'P goose almost as highly aa the turkey. 1
>iur in france the former ia looked upon >
H? a uigj*r bud, unfit, to t>et before ?-pi- }
eure?. An Enttliah journal, writing ?nf }
the change oi taste with respect to fit- j
ing birds. *ayr>: ..j
!*Tn-d?T u-e never s?e a ponderer's j
??hop ado: ned with row? ? >i peacock^, god, I
tdiould one of these beautiful birds ap- j
]y>.ax upon the tab'? at some grand pub- i
UK *><. privat? dinner, nu&e of th? spie**'?,
v.oiiid go into ecstasies over the ?Sab. se
ir its delicacy was a fact universally
known. But at Home, no banquet was
ooruTiJeie without the presence of s pea
cock. Among the other large birds,the
orahe<s the s?an? and even the ostrich
.vere reid in high esteem. Geese *ere
aJao highly priwd, ?nd they were eaten,
aol with a saws, but. stuffed with small
gre-~n Apples. The duok and teal were
nerved with th* juice of the orang? and
jot that o? the lemon ; and they were pre
ferred to the beathcook and wowlcock.
f As- UT?* ?cd th^wtee*.? ibm* - TW-*
j usually eaten at the end of a mea!. w:ui
1 t.he id^tt that it would prove a sovereign
TfTo^iy ?galnat rvffeor?cct? of th? bow -la.
But :ht bird most in esteem with tbs
subject* of the Cesaro wa? the common
thrash. These birds were raiee i sod
fatted ir. larg* e5tabh>bmeuts ne?:' Borne
and brought very high prices. The ar
ti?ol?j rearing of tbese birds, which are
excelleat for tue table, would prove tn
easy matter. "
. THE mother of Parnell, the Irish agi
tator, who is the daughter of Commo
dore Stewart, "Old Ironsides," ci tho
American navy, resides is? New Ybrk,
and is President of the Ladies' Land
League, of that city. Her daughter,
Lu''y Pursell, ie a young lady o? re
markable brightness and great force of
chsrac?er, and an intelligent and vigor
ous writer. One of her son?'is a Georgia
planter, but is temporarily ia New Yorkf
_
j .THB new building tor the Boston En^
! giish High School and Latin School is
viid to bs the largest free public building
in this world, being 33? by 220 feet, with,
? hollow square in the middle. Titers'
axe flfry-sii rooms in all, including a
drill hall ISO by sixty, a gytaaaaium o?
tile same dimension, and an-'exhibition
bail capable of seating 1,250 persona,
THF F&TZQMiVKY OF HUES?.
i Ib-ese does nc; make a man, but it
; often makes a successful one. (he moet
precious stone, you know, must be ont
I and polished. I pfcali ent*r you? name
in my book for an unlimited credit, and
no account to be .settled till you are a
Privy Counciler, I do cot limit the
credit, because yon are a man of seu6e
sz? a gentleman, and will not abuse ii. j
But be qtdte as careful not to stint yorjr
eeli as not. to be needles^ extravagant.
* t ? I have known many an heir
ess lost by her suitor being ill-dressed.
You must dres? according to your age,
vour pursuits, your object in life ; you
muBt dreps, too. in pome cases, swording
to your set. In youth a Utile fancy is
expected, bat ii political life be your
objec* it. should be avoided, at least after
21 years oi age I ?rn dressing two
brother*? now, wen oi conpiderable po
sition ; one is a mere man of pleasure,
the other will probably bs s Minister of
state. They are as Hke aa two peas,
but were I to dress the dandy and the
Minister rhe same, it would be bad taste,
it would be ridiculous, Jib man gives
me the trouble which Lord Eglantine I
does; he has not made up hi? misd
whether he will be a great, poet or Prime
Minist?-. u You must choose, my Lord,"
I tell bim. " I csu not send you ont
looking like Lord Byron if yon mesa to
be ? COD ni np or a Pitt." I have dressed j
a prea-*. many cf our etatea? en and ora
tor.", t*r.d 1 always dressed dieu* accord- I
ing tc ;beir style ?nd the nature U their j
dyties. What all men should avoid is ,
*ha "shabby genteel.M You bad better
be in rage.- i'igo, the. Tailor, in ifcvjt- ,
oonafaffi'* "R-uiv?/iion.''
\_
A GAnvsHTOif dandy didn't Like thc j
MW pants he bad received from his '
tailor, so he told the artist who built the
pants: "Look here, I can't use those
panta. I wanted them for a dinner par- (
ty, and they fire so tight I can't wojk; in
them." "Well," growled tj? tailor, i
"if you don't j?f tc b? any tighter than !
the pants you weat find any trouble fe
wiJfrir-f " '
rLBA&AIfT&IBM.
A "??*erder',--Whoa! . \
"Hot,? short"-Pea-jocketa.
" LONG on 9talke"-Sorghum.
.V'n i.. oat? we . the only crop fiat
znws by gaslight
las watch repairer is always engaged
dollars sod ? hali, ii" il Lappens
..anary.
PKOPLS who harbor evil thought?
should apply to Congress for harbor im
provements,
TH? man who thinks the boy wun
lives next door to him is a good boy has
not been found.
"LBT it be recorded," ?aid a buyer
when he suspected that his wood-dealer
was bringing short measurement ?
ElOirns-?K HT5DKBD ATO K1GHTT-OX?
does not resemble e pair of lovers on a
sofa, because there ie one at each end.
TESS? va? % ri>tiu# f*Uow of 0 ?'M
?cot . faitof'xo t? WJ beii-ffrfUk
Bot hm- f ?ttuir ?a:a? o ut
wnk ? cJiit< sad ? shout,
?vi o ?rr ?io fui? tt eh???*i.
?i is asserted that Vennor at one time
vu? a plumber. Well, he's not the only
plumber that m ?kee a ?food weather
profit.
Tan old lady who mended her hus
band's trousers with a potato patch is1
now smoothing her hair with the comb
of s rooster.. .. .
IT may be-well to state for the ' infor
Totxion of amateur Artists that plaster
-rv-t*of voy?! personages ?re not made
iii 'jonrt-plifc'ter. .;
IPA Lswia hs? saved twa brasa-band
enormer? ITOEU drowning. She never
di"'rcni)na?*s against ? man's calling
v><?u he is in disfcn-es.
{%:-Kk TM e r >-.n?{ T.*- <rv.ai HoT*tu
7Cfc.i ?.v tv?u^-thr-A o? U?n?.
?vu h-** b?? i?ns
.3? T?*7*4 ??'? Wt;
.l t -roil ciVl f\.:t.'> ?M ?id, ?un bow caa it"
Mas. 3?ai'?ovxs w?s beseting of her
/*ew bouse. The windows she said,
Ter? ai' stA?ir?d. **- That's too bitd 1 But
woii't turpentine vr heasrine wash it offt"
seked &a* g<iod Mrs. Oldbody.
PABSHIS wh-> contemplate making
raiirc-ad mea* of their boys" cannot be
too careful how sh^y bring them sp.
We learn tba* tie cause of many of our
railroad disasters is defective training.
?A ?ShTiiBXAS wa* complimenting a
pretty young lady in the preface of his
wife. M It's lucky I did not. meet Miss
Hopkins before I married you, EJ dear/'
"Well,-yee, it is extremely-for her,"
was ?ha dry re joinder.
A YoosG lady vas caressing a pretty*
apanial sad murmuring, " I do love *
rica dog !" "Ah !" said a dandy stand
ing aesr, "I would 1 '"exe a ^og."
ii Neyer mind," retort.-. ..-.ejoanf lady,
.harply, " you'll grow.
LAST word of a scene with on im
portun**-? Creditor : " No, sir, of Ur th?
way you have dunned me, I solemnly
?ow that 1 will never pay you a penny,
end, when an honest man pledges you
his word about anything, that is the end
ci it!"
"ABB you engaged T* asked Coi. Mark
Anthony of a Galveston hack-driver.
" Engaged ! Why, man alive, I have
five children down with the measles and
two more to take it I am engaged in
utting up with them ali night long.1*
Cfatveitim N*WR.
A PAXUT of 26, having been termed tn
.'old bachelor," appealed to an elderly
DOTI fe? decide whether he should be
caUad old or not, giving bi? age aa 26.
Said the elder gentleman : "It a ow
ing r/i how you take it Now, for s man
it is young enough ; but for a goose it
ie rather old, "
A vv.rNTarnA5 took his w?t?fa . to a
wateb maker to tare it repaired, ,?*fteT
? ?e'v minutes' work on it, the watch
maker handed it back with the remark
that ta? damages were $51 " What waa
thu matter with it?" albeit the strainer,
" There wa*1 s hair in if." ''Was that
?.!' ? You ought to have found a hail
ir.airr** in it for ta.''
- ARfEXTS WABJX.
Mr. Toole, who wa? o?ie ri Artemus
Ward's moat intimare frit-nda in London,
wy? tkbat be told bim the following
6tory : He went to leotnro at a remote
place, where his face wa*; not known.
He was e little late ; the audience be
came impatient, and began to stamp
with their feet ?nd to whistle. By-ond
hj- "War^ rom* out, and l^ga-i to mo**
about th? platform, dusting the cbtare
sud desk. The people took him for a
"supe," and became atilt more impa
tient. Presently he tamed around,
dropped the. dust-cloth, and said j
" 2iow, ba^'ng dusted the chairs, I will
bagin my lecture. " Many of the'jokee
he made were not so good os this,' but,
so doubt, served to amuse himself and
others. An acquaint* ooo told me that,
be was once riding in A Broadway^tt?i
bns w"n? Browne got in, ace* on being
asked for his fare? mquiredjroi the driver
if he could change 35, $be driver saieh
he oordd sol, stopped the coach, and re-?'
quested Ward to get out Upon this.
Ward became very indignant Why
ahou-.d be gat ot?t ? Because he had not
the proper far?. '*But- i have," b#
..M'd ; "I never aasd t bodn'i 10 cent*.
I only asked if yon could change $5.*"
TUB MrWBBBXCB.
" Tba difibrenc?','*aaid Augustas Mill
wbiiBeiS, gansterisg into the onllege li
".rary, ,lthe difference between the
wi-rta of G>pt Maryatt and the -norks of
Beaumont aod Fletcher is, I presumo,
(ha; the former are by a tar and the lat
bi-tu-men,'1 Before he could cackle,
he wa? seised by the* nape ot the neck
?nd tlinifit ou* of the building by an er>
rsged profeeeor, who said to him, u? he
?treck the ground ; M Tto you know
why yon ore like. KeabV ark ?" M No,"
aaid thu baw^dered Augustus. " Welt,
?t'? pvwauso yon'*? pifcehni witlw^t,"
?aid th? professor, as he c it the door.
Subscribe for the ADVERTISER.
Only $2.00 a year.