Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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WELL WATERED. sad dis mawnin', pardner? Second Hobo?Why, I am suffering j from irrigation. First Hobo?Irrigation? You mean , Irritation? Second Hobo?No; irrigation. Do woman in de wayside cottage emptied a pail of hot water on my bead. He Was Willing to Work. The Democratic members of the house of representatives have been besieged ever by a horde of office seekers, willing to serve their coun try. "It is refreshing," said one repre rentative in discussing the office ques Vrvrt n /> P Art of nlront f At* nil"K uuii| iv u^ai Ui au ao^iaub ivt he office who frankly admits his ambi tion, yet disdains to seek a position in which he will have nothing to do but to draw his salary. "Two wayside pilgrims were talking ; over things when one of them asked: ! " 'Dick, you ain't a-hankerin' after | no government place, are ye?' " 'I don't mind sayin' I'd take one of 'em ef I could git it,' responded the other, 'but I don't want no job that's all fat. I'm willin' to earn my wages.' " 'An' what sort o' job would be about your size?' " 'Well, I'd like to fill fountain pens fur some assistant secretary of the treasury.' " ?Judge. Solemn Warning to Parents. The season for bowel trouble is fast approaching and you should at once provide your home with King's Diar rhoea Cordial. A guaranteed remedy for Dysentery, Cholera Morbus, Flux, Cholera Infantum and all kindred dis eases. Numerous testimonials on our files telling of marvelous cures can be had by request Burwell & Dunn Co., MXrs., Charlotte, N. C. Instance. Knicker?Do you use labor-saving devices? Bocker?Yes, a fishing pole will pre vent you from having to take up the carpet , Education should give th^ child j more capacity for doing work and helping itself to th? good things of life. Too many try to help themselves without performing any useful labor. For SUMMER HEADACHES Hicks' CAPUDINE is the best remedy?no i matter what causes them?whether from the best, sitting In draughts, feverish condition, | etc. 10c., 25c. and 50c. jer bottle at medicine tore*. And many a father loses all inter est In the prohibition movement when the baby cries for water at 2 a. m. Sharp Pains In the BacK Point to Hidden Kidney Trouble. Have you a lame back, ach ing day and night? Do you feel a sharp pain after bending over? When the kid neys seem sore and the action irregular, use Doan's Kidney Pills, which have cured thousands. A New Jersey Case j^ouis nunier, w ej. aznc si., cay onne, N. J., says: "I was in such bad shape I often fell. The suffering I un derwent would have killed a weaker man. I doctored constantly, but grew no better and the last doctor gave no hope. Doan's Kidney Pills cured me entirely, and I feel they saved my life." Get Doan's at any Drug Store, 50c. a Box Tha Oldest Southern College College ot William and Mary. Founded In 1693 Healthful situation and historic associations. On C. <fc O. Railway, half-way between Fori Monroe and Richmond; 8 ml. from Jamestown; 1% ml. from Yorktown. Decrees of A. B., B. 8., M. A., Special Teachers' Courses. Excellent athletic field. Total cost per Besslon of nine months (bourd and fees) f22?. Write for annual Catalogue. H. L BRIDGES, Registrar. Williamsburg, Virginia Tuft's Pills stimulate the torpid llrer, strengthen the digestive organs, regulate the bowel*. A rem edy for sick headache. Uncqualed as an ANTI-BILIOUS MEDICINE. Elegantly sugar coated. Small dose. Price, 23c. DEMAND FOR OUR STUDENTS Greater ?A?n Supply 44 y re training youngmen and women for butinets. Bookk*epiaf, Shorthand, tod EmtlUh. No vacation. Day and night. Send for catalog. P.* ?*?.? n. Richmond, Va. L. ROSE & CO. Est. I6E8 (THE OLD RELIABLE) Wo aro In tho market at all times for SCRAP Rl'BBER, RAGS, MKT A LS, BOXES, IRON AND SECOND-HAND MACHINERY. We pay highest prices. Our largo list of shippers?our bsst advertisement. Write for price list, I,. ROSE & COMPANY 416-424 Brook Ave., Richmond, Virginia KODAKS and High Grade Finishing. Mail orders given Spe cial Attention. Prices reasonable. Service prompt. Send for Price List. LASNJUCS AKT UIOBE, CHARLESTON, S. C. CAN CANCER BE CURED? IT CAN! The record of the Kellam Hospital is without pa ralle! In history, having enroll to stay cured permanently, without tho use of the knife or X-Kay over VO per cent, of the many hundreds of sufferers from cancor which It has treated during tho past fifteen Years. We have been endorsed by the Senate and Legis lature of Virginia. We Guarantee Our Cures, PhysioImna treated free. KELLAM HOSPITAL 1817 W. Mm In Street, Richmond. V*k MISS 1 ,,, WILLIAM Frances E (Copyright, by R< 8 CHAPTER XXV.?Continued. "Did you all hear what Miss Larrl more, who teaches the little children at school, said about us?" asked LIna importantly. 'Vow " thow nhnrHCPil "what Was VUVi/ vuw? UWVMF .. ? it?" "She told the super'ntendent," was the reply of Llna, pleased with her self and with that big word, "that she would have tfc have more money next year, for she heard that Lina Hamilton, Frances Black, William Hill and Jimmy Garner were all com ing to school, and she said we were the most notorious bad children in town." "She is the epitefullest woman they is," Jimmy's .black eyes snapped; "she 'bout the meddlesom^st teacher fa town." ' "Who told you 'bout it, Lina?" luestioned the other little girl. "The super'ntendent told his wife and you know how some ladles are? they just can't keep a secret. Now' it Is just like burying it to tell mother anything; 6he never tells anybody but father, and grandmother, and grandfather, and Uncle Ed, and Bro ther Johnson, and she makes them promise never to breathe it to a liv lng soul. But the superintendent's wife Is ditferent; she tells ever'thlng the hears, and now everybody knows What that teacher said about us." "Everybody says she is the crank iest teacher they Is," cried Jimmy, "she won't let you bring nothing to schooi 'ceptlng your books; you can't even take your slingshot, nor your air-gun, nor?" "Nor your dolls," chimed in Fran ces, "and she won't let you bat your eye, nor say a word, nor cross your legs, nor blow your nose." "What do she think we 's goin' to her ol* school fer if we can't have fun?" asked Billy. "Tabernlcle sho" had fun when he went to school. He put a pin in the teacher's chair an' she sat down on it plumb up to the head, an' he tie the strings together what two nigger gals had they hair wropped with, an' he squoze up a little boy's legs in front of him with a rooster foot tell he squalled out loud, an' he th'owed spitballs, an' he make him some watermelon teeth, an' he paint a chicken light red an' tuck it to the teacher fer a dodo, an' he put cotton In his pants 'fore he got licked, air" he drawed the teacher on a slate. That 's what you go to school fer Is to have fun, an' I sho' Is goln' to have fun when I goes, an' I ain't goln' to take no bulMozin' offer her, neither." "I bet we can squelch her," cried Frances, vindictively. "Yes, we '11 Bhow her a thing or two"?for once Jimmy agreed with her, "she 'bout the butt-ln-est old wo man they is, and she's going to find out we 'bout the squelchingest kids ever she tackle." "Alfred Gage -went to school to her last year." said Frances, "and he can read and write." "Yes," joined In Jimmy, "and he 'bout the proudest boy they Is; all time got to write his name all over everything." / "You 'member "bout last Commun ion Sunday," went on the little girl, "when they hand roun' the little en vellups and telled all the folks what was willing to give five dollars more on the pastor's sal'y just to write his name; so Alfred he so frisky 'cause he know how to write; so he tooken one of the little envellups and worten 'Alfred Gage' on it; so when his papa find out 'bout It he say that kid got to work and pay that five dollars hl'self, 'cause he done sign his name to it." "And if he ain't 'bout, the sickest kid they is," declared Jimmy; "I'll betcher he won't get fresh no more socn. He telled me the other day he ain't had a drink of soda water this summer, 'cause every nickel he gets got to go to Mr. Pastor's sal'ry; he says he plumb tired supporting Bro ther Johnson and all his family; and, he say, every time he go up town he sees Johnny Johnson a-settin'g ,on a stool in Baltzer's drug store just a swigging milk-shakes; he says he going to knock him off some day 'cause it's his nickels that kid 's a spendlng." There was a short silence, broken by Billy, who remarked, apropos of nothing: "I sho' is glad I don't hafter be a 'oman when 1 puts on long pants; mens is heap mo' account." "I wouldn't be a woman for noth ing at all," Jimmy fully agreed with him; "they have the pokiest time they is." "I'm glad I am going to be a young lady when I grow up," Llna declared. "I would n't be a gentleman for any thing. I'm going to wear pretty clothes and be beautiful and be a ljelle like mother was, and have lots of lovers kneel at my feet on one knee and play the guitar with the other?" "How they goln' to play the guitar with the other knee?" asked the prac tical Billy. "And sing 'Call Me Thine Own,'" she continued, ignoring his interrup tion. "Father got on his knees to mother thirty-seven-and-a-haL times before she'd say, 'I will.'" Little Joke Sleepers Effectually Roused by Threat ened Danger In Which They All Felt a Share. "I am no foe to whiskers. Indeed, In cold weather, I regard whiskers as a blessing. They protect the throat." The speaker was De Wolf Hopper, the comedian'. From his corner table la Delmonico's he resumed: MVA nd GREEN Iffli oyd Calhoun jilly & Britton Co.) "Looks like ne'd 'a' wore his breeches out," said Billy. "I don't "want to be a lady," de clared Frances; "they can't ever ride straddle nor climb a tree, and they got to squlnch up their waists ^nd toes. I wish I could kiss my elbow right now and turn to a boy." CHAPTER XXVI. Unconditional Surrender. "They 's going to be a big nigger 'scursion to ' Memphis at 'leven o'clock," said Jimmy as he met the other little boy at the dividing fence; "Sam Lamb 's going and 'most all the niggers they Is. Sarah Jane 'lowed she 's going, but she ain't got nobody to 'tend to Bennle Dick. Wouldn't you like to go, Billy?" "You can't go 'thout you 's a nig ger," was the reply; "Sam Lamb say they ain't no white folks 'lowed on this train 'ceptin' the engineer an' conductor." ."Sam Lamb'd take care of us If we could go," continued Jimmy. "Let 'a They Darkened Their Faci slip off and go down to the depot and see the niggers get on. There '11 be 'bout a million." Billy's eyes sparkled witb apprecia tion. "I sho' wish I could," he said; "but Aunt Minerva'd make me stay in bed a whole week if I went near the rail road." "My mama 'd gimme 'bout a mil lion licks, too, if I projeckted with a nigger 'scurslon; she 'bout the spanklngest woman they is. My papa put some burnt cork on his face In Tfniirhta or Pvthi's minstrels and I know where we can get some to make us black; you go get Miss Minerva's ink bottle, too, that '11 help some, and get some matches, and I '11 go get the cork and we can go to Sarah Jane's house and make usselfs black." "I ain't never promise not to black up and go down to the depot," said Billy waveringly. "I promise not to never be no mo' Injun?I?" "Well, run then," Jimmy Interrupt ed Impatiently. "We *11 Just slip down to the railroad and take a look at the niggers. You don't hafto get on the train Just 'cause you down to the depot." So Miss Minerva's nephew, after tiptoeing into the house for her ink bottle and filling his pockets with contraband matches, met his chum at the cabin. There, under the criti cal survey of Bennie Dick from his customary place on the floor, ttyby darkened their faces, heads, hands, feet and legs; then, pulling their caps over their eyes, these energetic little boys stole out of the back gate and fairly flew down an alley to the sta tion. No one noticed them in that hot, perspiring crowd. A lively band was playing and the mob of good-nu mored, happy negroes, dressed in their Sunday best, laughing and joking, pushing and elbowing, made their way to the excursion train standing on the track. The two excited children got di rectly behind a broad,, pompous negro and slipped on the car just after him. Fortunately they found a seat in the rear of the coach and thefe they sat unobserved, still and quiet,'except for an occasional delighted giggle, till the bell clanged and the train started off. "Wp'11 Rpfi Sam Lamb torecfely." whispered Jimmy, "and he'll take care o? us." The train wag made up of seven coaches, which had been taking on negroes at every station up the road as far as Paducah, and it happened that the two little boys did not know a soul in their car. But when they were nearing Wood stock, a little station not far from Memphis, Sam Lamb, making a tour of the cars, came into their coach and was promptly bailed by the children. When he recognized them, he burst into such a roar of laughter that It caused all the other passengers to turn around and look in their direction. "What y' all gwine to do nex' I jes' wonder," he exclaimed. "Yo' ekals ain't made dis side o' 'ternity. Lordee, Txirripe." he eazed at them admiringly. "you sho' is genoowine corn-fed, ster lin* silver, all-wool-an'-a-yard?wide, pure-leaf, Green-River Lollapaloosas. on Farmer "And reverencing whiskers as I do, I shall never cease to regret a Joke I once perpetrated in Nola Chucky. "We were playing in Nola Chucky during a campaign, and one evening on my return to the hotel I was amazed to find the whole place packed and jammed with sleeping and be whiskered farmers. 'They had come In, you see, from miles around to vote, and now, utterly Does yo' folks know "bout yer? Lordee! What I axin' sech a fool question fer? 'Course dey don't Come on, I gwine to take y' all off 'm dese cars right here at die Woodstock, an' we kin ketch de 'commodation back home." "But Sam," protested Billy, "We don't want to go back home. We wants to go to Memphis." , "Hit don't matter what y' all wants," was the negro's reply, "y' all gotta git right off. Dis-here 'scursion train don't leavse Memphis twell twelve o'clock tonight an' yuu see how slow she am runnin', and ev'y no 'count nigger on her *11 be full o' red eye. An' yo' folks is plumb 'stracted 'bout yer dis min ute, I 'low. Come on. She am glttin' ready to stop." He grabbed the blackened hand of each, pushing Jimmy and pulling Billy, and towed the reluctant little boys | tnrougn tne coacn. I "Yuh sho' is sailed my fun," he growled as he hustled them across the platform to the waiting-room. "Dis here 's de fUB' 'scursion I been on widout Subey a-taggin' :long -in five year an' I aimed fo' to /oil 'em high; an* now, 'case o' ketchin* up wid y' all, I gotta go right back home. Now y* all set Jes' as straight as yer kin set on dis here bench," he admonished, "whilst I send a telegraph to Marse Jeems Garner. An' ""don' yt^h try to 'lope out on de flatform nei<ier. Set whar I kin keep my,eye skinned on yuh, yuh little sllpp'ry-ellum eels. Den I gwine to come back an' wash yer, so y' all look like 'spectable white folks." Miss Minerva came out of her front door looking for Billy at the same time es, Heads, Hands and Feet, i r j that Mrs. Garner appeared on her 1 porch in search of Jimmy. "William! You William!" calleu one woman. "Jimmee-ee! O Jimmee-ee-ee!" called * the other. "Have you seen my nephew ?" asked ' the one. ' "No. Have you seen anything of Jimmy?" was the reply of the other. "They were talking together at the fence about an hour ago," said Billy's aunt "Possibly they are down at the livery stable with Sam Lamb; I '11 phone and find out" "And I '11 ring up Mrs. Black and i Mrs. Hamilton. They may have gone to see Lina and Frances." In a short time both women ap peared on their porches again: "They have not been to the stable i this morning," Baid MIbb Minerva un- t easily, "and Sam went to Memphis on the excursion train." 1 "And they are not with Llna or Frances,"?Mrs. Garner's face wore ' an anxious look, "I declare I never i saw two such children. Still, I don't < think we need worry as it is nearly dinner time, ana iney never miss meir meals, you know." But the noon hour came and with It no hungry little boys. Then, Indeed, did the relatives of the children grow uneasy. The two telephones were kept busy, and Mr. Garner, with several He Was Received Wfth Caresses other men on horseback, scoured the 1 village. Not a soul had seen either i child. ( At three o'clock Miss Minerva, worn t with anxiety and on the verge of a ? collapse, dropped into a chair on her ] veranda, her faithful Major by her ] side. He had come to offer help and ] sympathy as soon as he heard of her < distress, and, finding her in such a ] softened, dependent and receptive - -* tiArMnin/v/l f/% frV ! mood, me IV1U.JUI iiau icmaiiicu vu u/ I to cheer her up. f Mr. and Mrs. Garner were also on ( the porch, discussing what further steps they could take. j "It Is all the fault of that William of yours," snapped one little boy's mother to the other little boy's aunt. ( "Jimmy is the best child in the world worn out. they lay snoring every where. Yes, the entire floor space of < the hotel was covered with sleeping 1 farmers. All were whiskered, and their whiskers, sticking up in the air, caused the hotel halls to resemble fields of grain. Those upstanding 1 whiskers in the draughty corridors 1 waved in the breeze, for all the world * like fields of nodding grain on a windy day. ' "Then I played my Joke. I shouted I at the top of my lungs: ( " 'Hit the one with the whiskers.'" 1 vhen he is by himself, but he is easily ed into mischief." Miss Minerva's face blazed -with in lignation. "William's fault indeed!" she an swered back. "There never was a tweeter child than William;" for the onely woman knew the truth at' last Yt the thought that her little nephew night i>e hurt, a long forgotten tender iess stirred her bosom and she real zed for the first time how the child lad grown into her life. The telegram came. "They are all right," shouted Mr. !Jarner Joyously, as he quickly opened ind read the yellow missive, "they vent on the excursion and Sam Lamb s bringing them home on the accom hodation " As the major, short, plump, rubi :and, Jolly, and Miss Minerva, tall, jallow, angular, solemn, were walking ;o the station to meet the train that vas bringing home the runaways, the jiaeny lover Knew aims?u iu uc ??. ast master of the situation. "The trouble with Billy?" he began, idjusting his steps to Miss Minerva's nincing walk. 'William," she corrected, faintly. "The trouble with Billy," repeated ler suitor firmly, "is this: You have :ried to make a girl out of a healthy, ilgh-spirited boy; you have n't given lim the toys and playthings a boy jhould have; you have not even given :he child common love and affection." fie was letting himself go, for he knew :hat she needed the lecture, and, won lerful to tell, she was listening meek y. "You have steeled your heart," he vent on, "against Billy and again"*, ne. You have about as much Idea he./ :o manage a boy as a?as a?" he esltated tor a suitaDie comparison; e wanted to say "goat," but gallantry 'orbade; "as any other old maid," he jlurted out, realizing as he did so that i woman had rather be called a goat :han an old maid any time. / The color mounted to Miss Miner r&'B face. "I don't have to be an old maid," she mapped spunkily. ' , "No; and you are not going to be )ne any longer," he answered with de cision. "I tell you what, Miss Minerva, ive are going to make a fine, manly )oy out of that nephew of yours." "We?" she echoed faintly. "Yes, we! I said we, didn't I?" eplled the major ostentatiously. "The :hlld shall have a pony to ride and 5verythfng else that a boy ought to lave. He is full of natural, animal spirits and has to find some outlet for them; that Is the reason he is always n mlBchief. Now, I think I under stand children." He drew himself up proudly. "We shall be married tomor ow," he announced, "that I may as sume at once my part of the responsi jility of Billy's rearing." Miss Minerva looked at him in flut tering consternation. "Oh, no, not tomorrow," she pro tested; "possibly next year some ime." "Tomorrow," reiterated the major, lis white mustache bristling with de termination. Having at last asserted limself, he was enjoying the eituatlon mmenseiy and was not going tc give vay one inch. "We will be married tomorrow md?" "Next month," she suggested timidly. Km.MAM/vnr T +a11 WA11 f " 1 UJLJJU11 V YT | X IC11 jvu. "Next week," she answered. "Tomorrow! Tomorrow! Tomor row!" cried the major, happy as a jchoolboy. "Next Sunday night after church," pleaded Miss Minerva. "No, not next Sunday or Monday or ruesday. We will be married tomor ow," declared the dictatorial Confed jrate veteran. Billy's aunt succumbed. "Oh, Joseph," she said with almost i simper, "you are so masterful." "How would 'you like me for an incle?" Miss Minerva's affianced asked 3illy a few minutes later. "Fine an' dandy," was the answer, is the child wriggled himself out oi W \ I and Flattering Consideration. lis aunt's embrace. The enthusiastic eception accorded him, when he got )?? the train, was almost too much for :he little boy. He gazed at the pair in jmbarrassment. He was for the mo nent disconcerted and overcome; in place of the expected scoldings and junishment, he was received with :aresses and flattering consideration. He could not understand it at all. The major put a hand on the little joy's shoulder and smiled a kindly jmile into his big, gray, astonished ;yes as the happy lover delightedly vhispered, "Your aunt Minerva is go ng to marry me tomorrow, Billy." "Pants an' all?" asked William 3reen Hill. THE END. "And Instantly every blessed farm ?r leaped to his feet with doubled Ists." Had Lived In the City. Conductor?Your ticket Is for Lawn fllle, and we don't stop until we Ket to Trenton. This Is the lightning express. Suburban Resident ? All rlgbt When we get to Lawnvllle I'll Jump. I've got off of street cars many a :lme, when the motorman was home ivard bound on his last trip. w] if( CO ys to Pe rif mi re man jace, and it is a pity that rency. False and Harmful Theory of Texas / . By Dr. J.B.Baugnss,Temple,Tex. Two New The Advi " ,, . Dm The Advi Re will be prir > Read how 1 terics are i man of re] Don't Hiss tl of These I "My Dear Watson" Yes, it's the great and , only solving two more strange and mysteri ous crimes. Read the two interesting rem iniscences of the great detective we have made arrangements to print By A. Conan Doyle Read the First Installment * "There is no hook-worm in Central Texas, here I live, but there is an occasional man sstation of theAdisease in some of the unties that border on the Brazos river. Neither have any cases of infantile paral is appeared in my section, but I am sorry say that we have had a few fatal cases of sllagra. 4 ' ? . The theory that the eating of corn gives se to pellagra is utterly fallacious and the ost scientific men of the profession utterly ject it. Corn is one of the most wholesome and itritious articles of food known to the hu this absurd doctrine was ever given'cur * * ^ i DNAN DOYLE ftnture of tha ril's Foot and suture of the d Circle ited in this paper. " two baffling mys unraveled by this "> markable powers, ! <. .X!i, ? he First Insfallraenf :ascinating Storias Adventure gf the Devil's Foot I \r.fy M M Adventure ?f the . Red Circle Two remarkably inter esting reminiscences of Jo mnnc A will appear in succeed ing installments of this paper. It's really very simple, the way Holmes unravels the mysterious crimes narrated in these stories. w .. f. - * ->,V'